Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Glorified G said:
lol.

There's always a chance she was messing around, didn't you say earlier you wanted to break up with her because she was blowing you off for her guy friend?
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Well, the guy friend thing was before we were officially in a relationship.

Before she told me about this pregnancy scare, I told her we needed to talk, as I was considering breaking up with her. After, we talked, she told me she might be pregnant. I think you might be right though, I was suspecting that.
 
threenote said:
No, unfortunately. I recently took her V-card >__>

I'm reading this is common with girls who recently lose their virginity? Due to the stress,etc..
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All I know is unless you're on b/c it can become irregular for reasons other than pregnancy. Before I was on the pill I could go for months without it (also because I was playing sports). Even though I wasn't sexually active at the time it still freaked me out since there can be other problems involved with not getting it for a while. If she's going to be having sex with you though, you should encourage her to get on some sort of birth control so you don't have to deal with these scares or use the morning after pill every time you decide to bareback.
 
cdyhybrid said:
Oh yeah, I've got a routine. Wendler 5/3/1, going 4 times per week. I'm usually in and out quickly when I hit the gym there, though. I do enjoy just lifting but it's not necessarily the best conversation topic with the ladies, haha. I've considered boxing. I'd have to look outside of my gym though, for a variety of reasons. That's something to look into for sure, though.
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I'm confused. You want to impress women with your hobbies? That should not be your first priority. You should do what you want to do. You'll impress them more if you are actually happy with what you're doing than trying to swoon them with your really trendy hobby.
 
Devolution said:
All I know is unless you're on b/c it can become irregular for reasons other than pregnancy. Before I was on the pill I could go for months without it (also because I was playing sports). Even though I wasn't sexually active at the time it still freaked me out since there can be other problems involved with not getting it for a while. If she's going to be having sex with you though, you should encourage her to get on some sort of birth control so you don't have to deal with these scares or use the morning after pill every time you decide to bareback.
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See yeah, you're right--but she has never missed her period, that's why we're worried. I am definitely going to suggest birth control. Thanks.
 
Mully said:
I'm confused. You want to impress women with your hobbies? That should not be your first priority. You should do what you want to do. You'll impress them more if you are actually happy with what you're doing than trying to swoon them with your really trendy hobby.
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That's not really what I'm saying. The point of hobbies IMO is to experience new things, interact with people, give you something to talk about when you meet people, etc. but lifting weights doesn't really do any of those. I enjoy it greatly, but someone who only lifts weights in their free time would probably be pretty boring. That's why I want to try more hobbies. I want to experience new things.
 
cdyhybrid said:
That's not really what I'm saying. The point of hobbies IMO is to experience new things, interact with people, give you something to talk about when you meet people, etc. but lifting weights doesn't really do any of those. I enjoy it greatly, but someone who only lifts weights in their free time would probably be pretty boring. That's why I want to try more hobbies. I want to experience new things.
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What new things would you like to experience then? We all have a list. What's yours?
 
Mully said:
What new things would you like to experience then? We all have a list. What's yours?
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Well there's a bunch of things, but almost all of the ones I can think of require some significant monetary investment. For example, I want to learn to play the guitar because I played the ukulele when I was younger, but I don't think I can afford one right now. The one that jumps out that I could do right now is start reading more books by borrowing them from a public library. I'm just looking for other ideas that I might not have thought of, and maybe I'll even enjoy one or two :p
 
cdyhybrid said:
Well there's a bunch of things, but almost all of the ones I can think of require some significant monetary investment. For example, I want to learn to play the guitar because I played the ukulele when I was younger, but I don't think I can afford one right now. The one that jumps out that I could do right now is start reading more books by borrowing them from a public library. I'm just looking for other ideas that I might not have thought of, and maybe I'll even enjoy one or two :p
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Playing guitar would cost you $100 or less.

Reading books won't give you much to talk about.

My hobbies right now are snowboarding and experimenting with drugs.

Try those.
 
Oh boy. Apparently my friend and the cute girl he beat me to asking out aren't actually a thing right now. She is supposedly "not looking for a relationship." He is apparently coming to terms with that and said he should just be friends for now and see where it goes from there. The way she holds eye contact with me and smiles makes me think that she might have some interest in me, and I had my arm around her for an hour at a party last night...

Ffffffuuuu.
 
PhoenixSFT said:
Wait, so she was 14 and he was 22? What the fuuuuck?

Okay, the only tough thing about this is that you were drunk and she wasn't. That's magnified your feelings for her, while also making you not notice if she was actually in to you or if it was just the booze. It's good that she's still texting you, but you need to have a date where you're both sober.
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Shes still texting me saying she misses me and wants goodnight kisses, so thats a good sign...
Raiden said:
How is the situation between her and her current boyfriend? Do they live together? You probally dont want to hear this but i would lay low, really low till they're officially broken up etc.

I was in a kinda similair situation like you last year. Met this girl i was really attracted to, she had a boyfriend but told me that to her he is just a friend, and the love was over, and she was planning on breaking up with him soon. I believed her, started an affaire with her, lasted for a month or 3. She is still together with him now, still saying shes going to break up with him, just never seems to happen.
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From what I understand shes just started renting a one bedroom apartment, alone. So, I believe the break-up is serious, shes going to tell me about it next time we talk facetoface.
 
Desperado said:
The way she holds eye contact with me and smiles makes me think that she might have some interest in me, and I had my arm around her for an hour at a party last night...

Ffffffuuuu.
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That doesn't necessarily mean anything. Depends on how friendly you've been with each other in the past. I forget the post history on this girl. I'm just saying, I've been at parties where I, and girls, have done more than an arm around and it rarely meant anything in terms of relationship interest. General party atmosphere y'know.

EDIT: Oh also, if you had your arm around her for an hour, you should have gone further. Then you'd be closer to gauging her interest.
 
Desperado said:
Oh boy. Apparently my friend and the cute girl he beat me to asking out aren't actually a thing right now. She is supposedly "not looking for a relationship." He is apparently coming to terms with that and said he should just be friends for now and see where it goes from there. The way she holds eye contact with me and smiles makes me think that she might have some interest in me, and I had my arm around her for an hour at a party last night...

Ffffffuuuu.
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You're only thinking this because you're attracted to her. If you weren't interested in her this would mean nothing to you. You'll never really know a girl likes you until you go for it.
 
Yeah, I totally thought the girl I liked just thought of me as a friend and it was not until I went all in did I realize that she did like me back. You can't make any judgements about a girl until you actually do something about it.
 
So how long should I wait to hit this chick back up again.

She's in one of my classes on T/Th and last time we talked (at like 2am Friday morning) she rainchecked me on lunch (for Saturday) because she already had things planned with a friend visiting that day. But she did seem pretty down about having to ditch me.

I won't see her again until Tuesday as things are now.
 
I just moved back to my hometown after having been away for college for a while. There's this girl from high school that stayed here and goes to school nearby, and I'd really like to get back in touch with her. She had a boyfriend back then, and we were just friends.

I wrote on her facebook wall a few days ago making an inside joke we had, she responded positively. I want to ask her out but how do I make the transition from Facebook wall post to asking her to get lunch? I could just message her but I think since we were just friends back then it would be creepy to all of a sudden ask her to go out with me.

I'm really just overthinking this, probably because she was the source of my high school "one-itis".
 
kid ness said:
I just moved back to my hometown after having been away for college for a while. There's this girl from high school that stayed here and goes to school nearby, and I'd really like to get back in touch with her. She had a boyfriend back then, and we were just friends.

I wrote on her facebook wall a few days ago making an inside joke we had, she responded positively. I want to ask her out but how do I make the transition from Facebook wall post to asking her to get lunch? I could just message her but I think since we were just friends back then it would be creepy to all of a sudden ask her to go out with me.

I'm really just overthinking this, probably because she was the source of my high school "one-itis".
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Private message her something like this:

"Hey, I just moved back to town. Let's catch up. Here's my number: 420-6969."

Short, simple, assertive.

When she gives you her number and/or texts you back, you provide her a time and place at which you're going to catch up.
 
soultron said:
Private message her something like this:

"Hey, I just moved back to town. Let's catch up. Here's my number: 420-6969."

Short, simple, assertive.

When she gives you her number and/or texts you back, you provide her a time and place at which you're going to catch up.
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Thanks for the advice man. Much appreciated!
 
The Last Wizard said:
So I'm planning on asking out this girl in my math class tomorrow. Should I try to go out for coffee with her immediately after class?
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I wouldn't. Seems kind of desperate. Being realistic, she will probably be busy after class.

See if she's interested first. Don't get ahead of yourself.
 
soultron said:
I wouldn't. Seems kind of desperate. Being realistic, she will probably be busy after class.

See if she's interested first. Don't get ahead of yourself.
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Yeah I always feel picking up a girl from a class is pretty difficult. Take it extremely slow, otherwise you look desperate.
 
Wormdundee said:
That doesn't necessarily mean anything. Depends on how friendly you've been with each other in the past. I forget the post history on this girl. I'm just saying, I've been at parties where I, and girls, have done more than an arm around and it rarely meant anything in terms of relationship interest. General party atmosphere y'know.

EDIT: Oh also, if you had your arm around her for an hour, you should have gone further. Then you'd be closer to gauging her interest.
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You're right. I'm going off of interaction outside of that party as well, though. I didn't go further because I would've felt like a douche to my friend. I'm going to call him tomorrow and talk to him about the whole situation. If he okays it, I'll make a move, but if not, I'll just leave it at being friends with the girl.


EDIT: Talked to him just now and he's fine with it. Now to actually make a move, haha.
 
Mully said:
Yeah I always feel picking up a girl from a class is pretty difficult. Take it extremely slow, otherwise you look desperate.
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I don't think you should take it extremely slow, but I feel that asking to go for coffee that night is too sudden. If a girl seems really interested, she might suggest going that night, but I'd suggest offsetting it a few days from the day you ask to avoid looking desperate.
 
soultron said:
I don't think you should take it extremely slow, but I feel that asking to go for coffee that night is too sudden. If a girl seems really interested, she might suggest going that night, but I'd suggest offsetting it a few days from the day you ask to avoid looking desperate.
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That's a great idea. Having said that, once I get the ball rolling I take it slow until the end of the semester. If I know a girl likes me and I have kissed her, I really don't want to deal with the possible negative effects while still in the semester.
 
Mully said:
That's a great idea. Having said that, once I get the ball rolling I take it slow until the end of the semester. If I know a girl likes me and I have kissed her, I really don't want to deal with the possible negative effects while still in the semester.
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I get that, but I wouldn't be concerned with that personally. I know that I'm a rational enough human being to say that even if things went south/sour, I'd just act like nothing happen and carry on, business as usual. You always have to be aware of the good/bad outcome of entering into relations (however casual or serious) with a girl, know that neither is guaranteed, but be prepared to deal with either outcome when and if it does come.

Does that make sense?
 
soultron said:
I get that, but I wouldn't be concerned with that personally. I know that I'm a rational enough human being to say that even if things went south/sour, I'd just act like nothing happen and carry on, business as usual. You always have to be aware of the good/bad outcome of entering into relations (however casual or serious) with a girl, know that neither is guaranteed, but be prepared to deal with either outcome when and if it does come.

Does that make sense?
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Totally. I've always expected a bad as well as a good. Sometimes I become blind to it for a while, but the feeling that a situation could always fall apart brings me back down to Earth.
 
just had a 1st date and a 2nd date tonight, went from one to the next, ended up making out with both and have plans for later this week with both.
/nonstealthbrag

a lot of the advice in this thread is really solid, and everyone should listen to it.

and things always get better, dont give up on yourself
 
mcrae said:
just had a 1st date and a 2nd date tonight, went from one to the next, ended up making out with both and have plans for later this week with both.
/nonstealthbrag

a lot of the advice in this thread is really solid, and everyone should listen to it.

and things always get better, dont give up on yourself
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tumblr_koxzwydrGP1qz8ovio1_500.jpg
 
The Last Wizard said:
By interested you mean if she agrees to go?
So I should ask if she wants to go "sometime" right?
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If she seems interested, ask her out, sure. Just say you want to go a few days from now.

"What're you doing on Thursday night? We should grab desert together." Something like that, for instance.
 
Mendrox said:
Well you guys remember that girl which is my best friend which I also really like and which is kind of dominant?

Last days we really were in a good mood, fought at the end of the evening, she bites me everywhere (neck, face) and I grab her and press her against myself.

As she was home yesterday after we were at my place, I wrote her that we should have a date in a few days. She said "why? i don't like this idea blablabla best friends I love you as a friend"

Well point is, that she says that it would suck to be together with someone from our friendcircle - my thought is whatever. Her friends are a little bit mad at her because she's everyday at my place.

I kind of don't know, I said a few other things like that she's afraid and that she's a bullhead and that I really want a chance just for a fucking date.

Today she wants to talk about these things, I guess that's the point where I have to say that I don't like this idea and she's wrong that she doesn't give this a shot. I guess she's afraid that we really come together. Guess I have to tell her that this won't work and that I appreciate our friendship but that I want a shot and if she says no, I will bail out (more tim in march for playing games that I missed, yay!)

Any advise from you guys? I think that bailing out for a few weeks without saying that I bail out will help her to miss me and in that time I can also bail out of that phony friendcircle and go my own way :)
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UPDATE

Talked with her about us, we literally screamed at eachother, but laughed too. I told her how I see things and she wanted to talk about our friendship now and what we want to do.
Everytime I said that we could see eachother in a few weeks/months alone again and that we can see eachother now (because of our friendcircle) she said that nothing is resolved.

She said that 4-5 times till I made fun of her and the whole situation. I even asked her if there would be nothing in the future between us and she said no. I said I am okay with this and that I need some other girls to get over this (the same day I was making out with another girl lol) After that she told me that I don't understand anything and nothing is resolved (eh? sign?)

Well, only a few hours later we saw eachother again alone at my place... everything went according to plan - NOT. Yesterday she was at my place again...alone. She wanted to grab her things, but again she forget some things - and I also was very cocky and funny to her and she noticed that. Very strange situation.

I guess she wants to see if I really mean what I said or she's batshit crazy and wants to controll me. I dunno what to do.

Only options are to escalate and to shit on her opinion or to get out of that situation and to fuck other girls. But I really like her. mhh :)
 
Mendrox said:
UPDATE

Talked with her about us, we literally screamed at eachother, but laughed too. I told her how I see things and she wanted to talk about our friendship now and what we want to do.
Everytime I said that we could see eachother in a few weeks/months alone again and that we can see eachother now (because of our friendcircle) she said that nothing is resolved.

She said that 4-5 times till I made fun of her and the whole situation. I even asked her if there would be nothing in the future between us and she said no. I said I am okay with this and that I need some other girls to get over this (the same day I was making out with another girl lol) After that she told me that I don't understand anything and nothing is resolved (eh? sign?)

Well, only a few hours later we saw eachother again alone at my place... everything went according to plan - NOT. Yesterday she was at my place again...alone. She wanted to grab her things, but again she forget some things - and I also was very cocky and funny to her and she noticed that. Very strange situation.

I guess she wants to see if I really mean what I said or she's batshit crazy and wants to controll me. I dunno what to do.

Only options are to escalate and to shit on her opinion or to get out of that situation and to fuck other girls. But I really like her. mhh :)
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Just...get the fuck out man. Even if you were in a relationship with her it sounds like it would be constant drama.
 
soultron said:
If she seems interested, ask her out, sure. Just say you want to go a few days from now.

"What're you doing on Thursday night? We should grab desert together." Something like that, for instance.
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Alright thanks, last question how do u approach the situation if she says she has a boyfriend?
 
The Last Wizard said:
Alright thanks, last question how do u approach the situation if she says she has a boyfriend?
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who cares, you have no chance, cut your losses and move on


alternatively, 'so? i just want some innocent coffee and to get to know you better. *evily charming grin showing actual intentions*'

and as for asking her out directly after class being too desperate.. if you're able to strike up conversation with her while walking, and you ask what shes up to now, then you can ask her out immediately without being seeming desperate, depending on her answer. "oh i dunno i was going to head home probably" "oh ya? well i'm going to go to the student center for some coffee, would you like to join?"

ya, soultron is right in that in can look desperate if you seem like you jump at the first opportunity to see her. but if you can play it aloof and confident, you can pull it off. and inviting her to come do something you're doing immediately since she's not doing anything is acceptable, cause you're going to be doing it either way, and arent going out of your way to make time for her or change your plans.. ya know
 
Well I spazzed out and didn't ask her out, I'll definitely do it on Thursday before class. I tried to time leave class with her but she took longer than I needed.
 
Alright GAF, had my first sober sexual encounter ever last night. I have a few questions for the more experienced here, seeing as I was a total noob.

Is it normal to last for like an hour and a half or two hours? Because thats kind of what happened. I don't really know what was up, but I couldn't finish either. It didn't detract from the experience at all, she told me she had a great time, and it wasn't awkward in the least. She's cute and has a rocking body, so I was fully stimulated. Not quite sure what happened here. Maybe first time stage fright?

Also, is it bad to not feel emotionally attached afterwards? I mean I honestly don't feel any more invested emotionally in this girl after the fact. A lot of people have told me sex really complicates things, so maybe I'm just expecting something to be off. But talking to her today has been no different than on any other day. Not gonna lie, I'm kind of relieved to not feel attached anyway.

Edit: Also, she really surprised me. Was asking me to smack her and choke her and stuff, which was... kind of fun. I was a bit nervous about doing it though because I've had no experience with that before, but I tried to play it as safe as you can in that situation. Does this just mean she's a sexual deviant or something? I'm going out on a limb and guessing normal people don't ask to be choked during sex haha.
 
I'm gonna take a break from okc- *sees 10 new notifications*

This site knows when I'm trying to quit.

Mordeccai said:
Alright GAF, had my first sober sexual encounter ever last night. I have a few questions for the more experienced here, seeing as I was a total noob.

Is it normal to last for like an hour and a half or two hours? Because thats kind of what happened. I don't really know what was up, but I couldn't finish either. It didn't detract from the experience at all, she told me she had a great time, and it wasn't awkward in the least. She's cute and has a rocking body, so I was fully stimulated. Not quite sure what happened here. Maybe first time stage fright?

Also, is it bad to not feel emotionally attached afterwards? I mean I honestly don't feel any more invested emotionally in this girl after the fact. A lot of people have told me sex really complicates things, so maybe I'm just expecting something to be off. But talking to her today has been no different than on any other day. Not gonna lie, I'm kind of relieved to not feel attached anyway.
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Congrats.

And yeah pretty normal. The opposite too, *cough* Usually you'll be able to go after fucking a few more times.

As for your second question, don't worry about it right now. Just keep going and see where life takes you.
 
Mordeccai said:
Edit: Also, she really surprised me. Was asking me to smack her and choke her and stuff, which was... kind of fun. I was a bit nervous about doing it though because I've had no experience with that before, but I tried to play it as safe as you can in that situation. Does this just mean she's a sexual deviant or something? I'm going out on a limb and guessing normal people don't ask to be choked during sex haha.
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Lucky bastard. >:\
 
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