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[RawPower]

What kind of stuff do you deal with? Is it just the hair? Is it the way you dress? There's always things you can change IF you want to 'fit in' better and vice versa.

I get stares from people, who in turn complain when I stare back. Almost nobody makes eye contact (especially women), and I've been pelted with garbage, called "faggot", taunted by people in their cars, and a whole bunch of other shit. Maybe it's the area I live in, and it just happens to be the one place where the scum of the Earth congregate. Who knows?

If the hair isn't working for you, lose it. If you like it, live it. If you're out of shape you can get in shape. You have a lot of options, ultimately you are in control here, and you're not a freak that would stand out if you made some small steps to become a normal boring person.

I have autism, so I'm always going to appear somewhat unusual to people. I've lost a good deal of weight in the past few months, but attitudes towards me have changed very little. And my dress sense, while not exactly trendy, isn't super nerdy or frightening. So if I had to guess, it's the autism.

 

[luckyboyceo]

So could a guy ever get a girl looking like this?

http://i.imgur.com/ncA1H.jpg[/*IMG][/QUOTE]
Dude, you could pull off that grungy Kurt Cobain kind of style. You'd be a god here in Seattle.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

Been there, done that.

I used to have hair longer than yours. I cut it off a few years ago and never looked back. It's kind of fun for a while but I really don't miss it. If you don't like it short, it's just hair. It'll grow back.

 

[RawPower]

Dude, you could pull off that grungy Kurt Cobain kind of style. You'd be a god here in Seattle.

I've tried it before. I'm in NJ, which has more of a pop punk and hip hop slant. It's basically a really bro-ish area.

 

[Vermillion]

I've tried it before. I'm in NJ, which has more of a pop punk and hip hop slant. It's basically a really bro-ish area.

Problem: located
Solution: evacuate

 

[maxxpower]

So could a guy ever get a girl looking like this?

While I think your hair is fucking awesome, you won't have much of a chance getting a girl with that hair.

 

[grumble]

I get stares from people, who in turn complain when I stare back. Almost nobody makes eye contact (especially women), and I've been pelted with garbage, called "faggot", taunted by people in their cars, and a whole bunch of other shit. Maybe it's the area I live in, and it just happens to be the one place where the scum of the Earth congregate. Who knows?



I have autism, so I'm always going to appear somewhat unusual to people. I've lost a good deal of weight in the past few months, but attitudes towards me have changed very little. And my dress sense, while not exactly trendy, isn't super nerdy or frightening. So if I had to guess, it's the autism.

Unfortunate. Well, what I'd do if I were you is to clean up your appearance. You might find it hard enough to fit in with your condition, and having such an unusual style wouldn't make your life easier. Get the haircut, buy the standard clothes and get in good shape. You'll find that people will react differently to you if that's what you choose to do.

If you really like your current style choice, then stick with it; no one else gets to tell you how to live your life, and confident people shouldn't care. At the end of the day though you might find it the easy way out to simply fit in a bit more.

 

[RawPower]

Unfortunate. Well, what I'd do if I were you is to clean up your appearance. You might find it hard enough to fit in with your condition, and having such an unusual style wouldn't make your life easier. Get the haircut, buy the standard clothes and get in good shape. You'll find that people will react differently to you if that's what you choose to do.

If you really like your current style choice, then stick with it; no one else gets to tell you how to live your life, and confident people shouldn't care. At the end of the day though you might find it the easy way out to simply fit in a bit more.

Losing weight and getting a hair cut is not a problem, as I'm already doing that. It's the dress code I might have an issue with, because I already wear what I like. I don't really like jeans. Can't explain why, but it just is.

Maybe I should just get the fuck out of this dump.

 

[jasonng]

EMERGENCY, EMERGENCY:

Fuck the haters, slap a dual monitor and that'll be my ideal room.

Come at me, bros.

 

[Uchip]

Fuck the haters, slap a dual monitor and that'll be my ideal room.

Come at me, bros.

who needs women when you have 3 already in your bed?

 

[shintoki]

I have autism, so I'm always going to appear somewhat unusual to people. I've lost a good deal of weight in the past few months, but attitudes towards me have changed very little. And my dress sense, while not exactly trendy, isn't super nerdy or frightening. So if I had to guess, it's the autism.

Do you want an honest opinion because I have the same exact issue.

You have 150 posts in this thread. Count up how many times your post either includes an excuse or one made out of self pity. Versus how many times you came up with a positive post about yourself or an honest attempt at trying.

You throw in the towel before someone even throws a punch. Its your negativity. I've been working on it myself for quite some time and though I'm still having my fits. "Well I'm just not good enough, or I'm too weird, or I'm a loser". Its funny when I'm not thinking it. How that doesn't seem to matter to the person I'm speaking too either.

 

[Neki]

He's in a better place now, hopefully he can still strive to being a better and more positive person. And I just need to learn how to perform and I'd be a better person too, lol.

 

[maxxpower]

Do you want an honest opinion because I have the same exact issue.

You have 150 posts in this thread. Count up how many times your post either includes an excuse or one made out of self pity. Versus how many times you came up with a positive post about yourself or an honest attempt at trying.

You throw in the towel before someone even throws a punch. Its your negativity. I've been working on it myself for quite some time and though I'm still having my fits. "Well I'm just not good enough, or I'm too weird, or I'm a loser". Its funny when I'm not thinking it. How that doesn't seem to matter to the person I'm speaking too either.

I don't think he'll be able to respond.

 

[Fëanor]

My relationship of 6 years ended about 10 days ago, I'm pretty down I'm not gonna lie. Another thing that hit me pretty hard once I calmed down a bit was the fact that besides not having a gf, I also don't have a hangout partner anymore since she was my hangout partner for everything.

I need to make some new friends, oh well. Let the healing process begin.

 

[maxxpower]

My relationship of 6 years ended about 10 days ago, I'm pretty down I'm not gonna lie. Another thing that hit me pretty hard once I calmed down a bit was the fact that besides not having a gf, I also don't have a hangout partner anymore since she was my hangout partner for everything.

I need to make some new friends, oh well. Let the healing process begin.

Was it a mutual breakup?

 

[jasonng]

A random thought I wanted to share to Raw and perhaps a few others.

The best advice I can give if someone was to ask me how to improving their dating life is to just go out and purposely get rejected. To me, it's immersion therapy. People put so much emphasis on not getting rejected that it's absurd. Questions like "Oh what am I suppose to say?" or "How am I suppose to approach her?" are proof of how much importance people place on trying to get it right the first time. Fuck that, there should be no fear in rejection nor should it be out of the ordinary. Having a girl say no to you after asking her to dance with you should like crossing the street; you don't think about it and you go about your life. After embarrassing myself more times than I can count, I can safely say that I can't be bothered if a girl doesn't want to go out with me. My game is far from perfect but I'm not mad about it nor am I obsessed having to bag every single lady. I'm content with my dates and it shows.

Having said that, I now feel reluctant to share that advice after reading this thread for so long. Because now I believe there's such a thing as having severe low self-esteem and it shows with the self-loathing that commonly pops in this thread. I'm not trying to pick on anyone because it is absolutely amazing to see people here taking steps towards improvement. However it still bothers me when someone here is so down on himself. Now I think it's really about just being in the right mindset. Focus on yourself and improve to the point where you can be proud of the things you do. When you're comfortable with yourself, it's easier to handle the dating scene. And even then if you're not getting the results you want, you won't be butt hurt about it because you have nothing to prove to these girls.

 

[Fëanor]

Was it a mutual breakup?

At first no, but ended up accepting it. I didn't want to fight her and completely destroy the friendship I have had with her for a very long time.

Its just an empty feeling not having her around now, but oh well shit happens and we have to move on. At some point I will lol.

 

[luckyboyceo]

My relationship of 6 years ended about 10 days ago, I'm pretty down I'm not gonna lie. Another thing that hit me pretty hard once I calmed down a bit was the fact that besides not having a gf, I also don't have a hangout partner anymore since she was my hangout partner for everything.

I need to make some new friends, oh well. Let the healing process begin.

Sorry to hear this, man. Do you have some older friends that maybe you could reconnect with? I did that recently and it's been great.

On another note, damn there's been a lot of breakups in this thread recently.

A random thought I wanted to share to Raw and perhaps a few others.

The best advice I can give if someone was to ask me how to improving their dating life is to just go out and purposely get rejected. To me, it's immersion therapy. People put so much emphasis on not getting rejected that it's absurd. Questions like "Oh what am I suppose to say?" or "How am I suppose to approach her?" are proof of how much importance people place on trying to get it right the first time. Fuck that, there should be no fear in rejection nor should it be out of the ordinary. Having a girl say no to you after asking her to dance with you should like crossing the street; you don't think about it and you go about your life. After embarrassing myself more times than I can count, I can safely say that I can't be bothered if a girl doesn't want to go out with me. My game is far from perfect but I'm not mad about it nor am I obsessed having to bag every single lady. I'm content with my dates and it shows.

Having said that, I now feel reluctant to share that advice after reading this thread for so long. Because now I believe there's such a thing as having severe low self-esteem and it shows with the self-loathing that commonly pops in this thread. I'm not trying to pick on anyone because it is absolutely amazing to see people here taking steps towards improvement. However it still bothers me when someone here is so down on himself. Now I think it's really about just being in the right mindset. Focus on yourself and improve to the point where you can be proud of the things you do. When you're comfortable with yourself, it's easier to handle the dating scene. And even then if you're not getting the results you want, you won't be butt hurt about it because you have nothing to prove to these girls.

Very much agree with the 2nd part of your post.

It really is just about being in the right mindset and being comfortable with yourself. That's something that we stress every day in this thread, it really is that important.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

What happened to RawPower?

It's not like he's as far gone as that other guy... Coolo? The guy who was complaining a lot a month or two ago.

 

[hawkshockey11]

Sorry to hear this, man. Do you have some older friends that maybe you could reconnect with? I did that recently and it's been great.

On another note, damn there's been a lot of breakups in this thread recently.

Spring cleaning

 

[Slayer-33]

My relationship of 6 years ended about 10 days ago, I'm pretty down I'm not gonna lie. Another thing that hit me pretty hard once I calmed down a bit was the fact that besides not having a gf, I also don't have a hangout partner anymore since she was my hangout partner for everything.

I need to make some new friends, oh well. Let the healing process begin.

God damn son.

 

[Neki]

What happened to RawPower?

It's not like he's as far gone as that other guy... Coolo? The guy who was complaining a lot a month or two ago.

He was banned for a post most likely in the Women are better than men thread, not here. And I still have trouble getting it up around my girlfriend, it's really quite embrassing. I don't know how people can make out for hours, after 5-10 minutes, it's completely limp down there, and impossible to get back up.

 

[maxxpower]

At first no, but ended up accepting it. I didn't want to fight her and completely destroy the friendship I have had with her for a very long time.

Its just an empty feeling not having her around now, but oh well shit happens and we have to move on. At some point I will lol.

It's normal dude, you had been with her for six years, and now you're not. It's only normal that you feel empty and stuff. Don't think that you'll move on instantly, it's gonna take a while, so keep yourself really busy.

 

[low-G]

He was banned for a post most likely in the Women are better than men thread, not here. And I still have trouble getting it up around my girlfriend, it's really quite embrassing. I don't know how people can make out for hours, after 5-10 minutes, it's completely limp down there, and impossible to get back up.

Make out? As in actual sex or making out? It's not normal to last hours during intercourse. You make out, get erect, then go soft by the time things move on?

 

[luckyboyceo]

He was banned for a post most likely in the Women are better than men thread, not here. And I still have trouble getting it up around my girlfriend, it's really quite embrassing. I don't know how people can make out for hours, after 5-10 minutes, it's completely limp down there, and impossible to get back up.

Relax, it's more common than you think.

Keep in mind that while men generally associate sex with the physical act itself, women usually associate the intimacy and time spent leading up to it. I say this because you're undoubtedly placing a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself, a lot of which is probably because you're afraid you won't perform appropriately. The truth is, if you can make it a memorable experience for her even before you get to the sex, if she really cares about you she's probably not going to care how you perform. Also, refrain from masturbating if you haven't already, this will help you immensely.

Basically, just try and relax. I know, easier said than done, but this is coming from someone who broke out of the downward spiral of performance anxiety himself. Try and focus on just being with her in the moment and don't let your mind wander off any further than it should. Take it one step at a time, and when your mind does start discouraging you, literally visualize yourself taking those negative thoughts and stomping on them. Sounds stupid, but it will help. Hang in there.

 

[Neki]

Make out? As in actual sex or making out? It's not normal to last hours during intercourse. You make out, get erect, then go soft by the time things move on?

Yeah, when we're making out, it'll be there initially, but by the time we get more serious past the making out, it goes soft. Really doesn't work well for handjobs or blowjobs when I can't get it back up, or if we ever reach sex.

Relax, it's more common than you think.

Keep in mind that while men generally associate sex with the physical act itself, women usually associate the intimacy and time spent leading up to it. I say this because you're undoubtedly placing a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself, a lot of which is probably because you're afraid you won't perform appropriately. The truth is, if you can make it a memorable experience for her even before you get to the sex, if she really cares about you she's probably not going to care how you perform. Also, refrain from masturbating if you haven't already, this will help you immensely.

Basically, just try and relax. I know, easier said than done, but this is coming from someone who broke out of the downward spiral of performance anxiety himself. Try and focus on just being with her in the moment and don't let your mind wander off any further than it should. Take it one step at a time, and when your mind does start discouraging you, literally visualize yourself taking those negative thoughts and stomping on them. Sounds stupid, but it will help. Hang in there.

It's the advice my friend has given me, but I still find it extremely hard to. I guess it's my first real relationship and I feel like I don't want to screw it up. It's just really hard to be calm and relaxing. I'm just not sure what to do at this point, it's been a common problem for a while now.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I used to have a lot of trouble getting it up, well never had much of an issue with my previous ex...she was damn good and getting me turned on, and vice versa.

 

[shanshan310]

I have autism, so I'm always going to appear somewhat unusual to people. I've lost a good deal of weight in the past few months, but attitudes towards me have changed very little. And my dress sense, while not exactly trendy, isn't super nerdy or frightening. So if I had to guess, it's the autism.

I don't you should be letting it hold you back raw. I know you're banned but I hope you can read this. I feel like you might be using it as a bit of a crutch, like if something goes wrong you can just put it down to your autism. You seemed pretty cool in tinychat, and not as socially inept as you may see your self. Maybe its just a lack of confidence in yourself. Hey, my dad has aspergers and his love life worked out alright

 

[TheSchwab_7]

He was banned for a post most likely in the Women are better than men thread, not here. And I still have trouble getting it up around my girlfriend, it's really quite embrassing. I don't know how people can make out for hours, after 5-10 minutes, it's completely limp down there, and impossible to get back up.

Maybe try not to focus as much on how embarrassing it is since that could be a reason as well. Anxiety and stuff can make you go limp if you let it get the best of you.

 

[Danielsan]

Minor update from my side. Things are still looking good with the girl that I met online last Tuesday. We’ve been in contact via instant messaging every day since Tuesday and not just every day, but for ridiculously long stretches of time too. Generally I try to avoid an overabundance of instant messaging before meeting up, not just because at some point you’ll run out of things to say, but also because it’s a huge waste of time when it turns out that you’re not that compatible in person. This time is oddly different though. I actually find myself looking forward to talking to her every single time rather than making up excuses to go do something and the conversations have pretty much been natural and effortless. We’re going to meet up on Thursday and I honestly can't wait. It's been a while since I was this excited about an upcoming date. Hopefully we have the same chemistry offline as we do offline.

I also briefly checked out Boozeroony’s dating site recommendation (paiq) and honestly, it seems like a hassle more than anything else. You still end up paying for a ton of features (credit system) and are basically being forced to chat with someone before you even get an indication of what they look or are like (no profile text, photo unlocking). Which is fine, but could also be a massive time sink before you ever even get to meet someone interesting. The questions used to create matches are extremely generic too. I might give it a whirl if Thursday ends up bombing, but my first impression isn’t that great.

 

[Mr.Fresh]

Girls.... They confuse me. Okay Gaf I'm 19 and just exploring a lot of girls at the moment and came across 1 that I really like.

This girl is the same age as me and I met her last year in highschool. I got her number she texted me and talked with me on the phone everyday, after awhile we started doing things together. I was her date to our highschool fashion show and we went out to eat with her sister and her sisters bf. Fast foward to a a couple of weeks later I decided to ask her to make it official only for her to say she isn't interested in dating a light skinned black guy, she wants a dark skinned one. Wtf?

 

[Log4Girlz]

Girls.... They confuse me. Okay Gaf I'm 19 and just exploring a lot of girls at the moment and came across 1 that I really like.

This girl is the same age as me and I met her last year in highschool. I got her number she texted me and talked with me on the phone everyday, after awhile we started doing things together. I was her date to our highschool fashion show and we went out to eat with her sister and her sisters bf. Fast foward to a a couple of weeks later I decided to ask her to make it official only for her to say she isn't interested in dating a light skinned black guy, she wants a dark skinned one. Wtf?

Forget her, move on.

 

[Chinner]

get a tan or whiten your teeth.

 

[Mr.Fresh]

Forget her, move on.

True, I might stay friends with her though. See how she ends up when she matures a little bit.

get a tan or whiten your teeth.

Not sure what whiten my teeth has to do with it. Wanna explain? Haha.

 

[Boozeroony]

Minor update from my side. Things are still looking good with the girl that I met online last Tuesday. We’ve been in contact via instant messaging every day since Tuesday and not just every day, but for ridiculously long stretches of time too. Generally I try to avoid an overabundance of instant messaging before meeting up, not just because at some point you’ll run out of things to say, but also because it’s a huge waste of time when it turns out that you’re not that compatible in person. This time is oddly different though. I actually find myself looking forward to talking to her every single time rather than making up excuses to go do something and the conversations have pretty much been natural and effortless. We’re going to meet up on Thursday and I honestly can't wait. It's been a while since I was this excited about an upcoming date. Hopefully we have the same chemistry offline as we do offline.

I also briefly checked out Boozeroony’s dating site recommendation (paiq) and honestly, it seems like a hassle more than anything else. You still end up paying for a ton of features (credit system) and are basically being forced to chat with someone before you even get an indication of what they look or are like (no profile text, photo unlocking). Which is fine, but could also be a massive time sink before you ever even get to meet someone interesting. The questions used to create matches are extremely generic too. I might give it a whirl if Thursday ends up bombing, but my first impression isn’t that great.

I understand that it will take some time, but most girls are not on paiq just to get an ego boost. It is less likely to encounter a girl that is just there to show herself off. Really, your success-ratio is a lot higher on paiq.

You get two free speeddates/day for free. You can earn credits too, by chatting more.

 

[shanshan310]

Not sure what whiten my teeth has to do with it. Wanna explain? Haha.

It'll make your skin look tanner? I don't know.

 

[Danielsan]

I understand that it will take some time, but most girls are not on paiq just to get an ego boost. It is less likely to encounter a girl that is just there to show herself off. Really, your success-ratio is a lot higher on paiq.

You get two free speeddates/day for free. You can earn credits too, by chatting more.

That's definitely a fair point. I suspect women on paiq are a lot more serious rather than "just looking around".

Again, I'll give it a whirl if things don't go as expected on Thursday, but I just prefer to know who I'm talking to before striking up a conversation. By the way. How much do you need to chat with someone before you unlock their photo?

 

[Hypereides]

So could a guy ever get a girl looking like this?

Someone needs a haircut. While I can admire how much youve let it grow, it definitely doesnt compliment you.

At least make it shorter and get a sidecut if anything. Obviously youre going for a sort of rock 'n' roll style. But that looks really unkept.

Your slouchy sitting posture doesnt aspire confidence either.

Just my input. Hope it helps.

 

[Xun]

pstec gets rid of ocd

PSTEC would no doubt get rid of a lot of things, and it may even help manage OCD a bit. But OCD cannot sadly be cured yet (like all mental disorders).

You can manage it a great extent (mostly with CBT), but not cure it.

Having said that I can see why PSTEC could potentially help, so I'll give it a go!

Men age like a fine wine. Your best years are many years in the future.

Very true.

It's less about my looks since I actually do look rather young, but rather my mentality.

I'm still in the frame of mind of wanting a bit of fun.

I feel I've missed out a lot, and that's simply the reason I'm panicking.

"Youth" is relative. For men it's a little easier due to the whole biological clock women have, but you can be 30 and still "young".

Living your life is also relative. What do you want to do before you get "tied down" into a job? Travel? Extreme sports? Live abroad? What's preventing you from doing that right now? Is it money? If so, get a job, work for a year, then quit and go do things. Is it time? You've got lots of time, make a plan (e.g. "by the end of 2013 I will have travelled to Europe").

Don't grow despondent at how you "wasted" the last few years. You can't change that. Move on. Look at what you're doing today and tomorrow, not what you did yesterday. Life's too short to wonder "what if". Spend time wondering about "what's next".

EDIT: back to the job thing, a full-time job is not the end of the world socially speaking, nor is it the Best Job Ever(TM). People don't work at the same job forever. You may find a great job tomorrow, but next year you may find a better one. Or you may even decide to switch industries 5 years down the line. So many people switch careers you rarely find someone doing the same thing for 20 years.

Firstly great post man, really has lightened me up a bit!

Without having a job I just simply have the frame of mind that I'd be trapped, despite that not being the case.

One of the companies I'm aiming for is contract based, and I think for where I am right now that'd work best. After that I'd really like to go traveling as you said, and it's definitely something I'll do in a few years.

There's so much I want to do in my life right now, and I must do it. I enjoy various forms of art, and I really don't give myself enough credit of what I can actually do. Because of this I'd definitely like to mix things up a lot, and perhaps become a freelance jack of all trades. Alongside all of this I'm really determined to get my band going, not only because I enjoy playing, but because gigging would really help open me up as a person.

well from what i understand OCD is mostly a bunch of subconscious blocks, and that's what PSTEC deals with. Worst case scenario, you still have it, but the negative emotions attached to it will be gone, like you said.

Yeah, there's no reason I couldn't give it a go.

Having said that I do aim to actually go to the doctors about it this year, since I was diagnosed with it when I was younger, but have yet to do anything about it out of fear. I was born with this, and I'm not going to treat it as an excuse (although it has hindered me). The same thing you should do RawPower! Shit will be fine.

Anyway I'm making changes to my life, and hopefully things will be looking up. I've just got to ensure I do what I want to do in life, and if things get in the way I'll try my hardest to get around them.

 

[Darklord]

There's a girl I've been chatting to for a couple of weeks. Nothing serious and all of a sudden she tells me I should watch this documentary on parenting. If I even go near her I'm wearing like 8 rubbers from now on. Sigh, I always meet the wrong women.

 

[Hypereides]

FYI, reading some of the last few pages, I gotta say some of you guys would really benefit having a fuck buddy or friend with benefits or whatever you may call it.

It makes things considerably less complicated for yourself, and for the girl youre attracted to.

Relationships just tend to get messy and chaotic in the long run.

Sent a birthday greeting to one of mine this weekend, and she replied thanking me and that she wants to meet some time soon over a cup of coffee or beer, and I should let her know when soonish.... well why not? I sure like where thats going.

I just got the weirdest thing happen to me.

I signed up on a dating site like okcupid. Where I was greeted with the page "those people are searching someone like u" Now the interesting part of it was that I recognized one of those people cause she's a friend of mine so I checked her profile. Like everyone does I guess. 10min I was already of the site and went on neogaf again for my daily dose gaf and I received an email from that dating site that I received a message already. It was from her but It didn't go like I tough it would be...


Gonna post the chatlog (It's in dutch so I translated it)


She: Why did u went on my profile ?
Me: Oh sorry didn't knew I wasn't supposed to
She: Yeah yeah. Just get away from my profile.
Me: Damn okay. Did I do something wrong that you act like that ?
She: Bye
Me: Damn..
She: STFU
Me: wow didn't knew you would take it this hard for going on your profile
She: I said shut up
Me: Nope not if you act like this.
She: she insults me and said that I got a nerdy behavior (wtf ?)
Me: wtf are you smoking ?
She: Hahaha fag
Me: wtf did I do to you ?
She: You should better find someone with your ugly face.
Me: wow..
Me: thx...
She: yw

wtf just happend ? :S

I didn't do nothing wrong to her and she threat me like a piece of shit :/

lololol how old is she? I'd take a guess at saying shes way too fucking underage for you. Ditch the bitch. If she sends anything similiar ignore that shit.

You played completely into her trap.

 

[CAW]

I've been seeing this girl for a couple months. Seeing each other exclusively too, as I asked her a few weeks ago about that and she said yes.

Anyway, here's my issues/question:

I've asked her if she wants to be in a relationship. Like dating, not just seeing each other and she said she wasn't ready because she's still getting over a past relationship. I asked this a long time ago and was OK with it. But then over time we continued to see each other, sleep with each other and pretty much do everything an actual couple would do. This past weekend we just went camping and she met a bunch of my friends. She's told her friends about me, introduced me to her work friends and she posts my pics and pics of the gifts I've bought her on Facebook.

So on the way home from camping I asked her again if she wanted to be in an actual relationship. She said she'd let me know when she was ready, and I asked if maybe she wasn't able to let go of the past 100%, and she replied that she hasn't talked to her ex in a long time and then I let that conversation end. I just didn't feel like it was the right time because we were traveling home from camp and we were both tired and kinda feeling the effects of a long weekend.

So that's where I'm at with her. I'd say we've been pretty steady for about two months and we were close for a few weeks before that. Should I push for some actual reasons? Should I just wait it out or should I be looking for signs that maybe she's just looking for attention?

She's young, at 21 (I'm 31) and she's a texter and Facebooker and she posts songs on her FB a lot to express her feelings.

Last week she posted this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwpNOlbFw8w with the message "<3 True Story (I later asked if it was posted for me and she said yes).

She also posted this one on the same night: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI-djIvvNXw&feature=related with the message "also story of my life...."

So it's obvious there's some emotional issues there (and even with myself I guess, how I develop feelings so quickly) and I realize it was probably a bad idea to get so involved but I guess I wanted it so badly but now I've fallen for this girl and I think about her all the time and I'm pouring out feelings for her but I don't feel like I'm getting them back. Don't get me wrong, it's great when we're together. She's affectionate, kissing me all the time in front of people, holds my hand, pinches my butt, etc. She's not shy and doesn't try to hide things. And I believe she's honest about everything.

It's just confusing to me because I don't know how to really just relax and take it for what it is. I obviously didn't see the "slow down" sign when we started this relationship and now I'm speeding ahead and she's way behind. Even in that one song it says "five steps behind you" but it also says "just keep it coming until I make you mine".

I want to pull back and bit including with the texting and everything and let her come to me but at the same time I'm afraid if I do that she might not come back, or that she'll think I'm the one trying to push her away.

Thoughts and opinions greatly appreciated!

 

[Houston3000]

He was banned for a post most likely in the Women are better than men thread, not here. And I still have trouble getting it up around my girlfriend, it's really quite embrassing. I don't know how people can make out for hours, after 5-10 minutes, it's completely limp down there, and impossible to get back up.

Are you escalating during your make-out sessions?

I don't want to sound silly but, I mean, are you doing more than kissing? Get a little grope on, don't just hold her shoulder or touch her cheek for 10 minutes. Start grabbing her ass, undressing her, taking off her top, pulling her on top of your lap, kissing her neck, her ears, etc... let her do the same, in-fact, maybe even encourage her to if she's a slow starter.

Foreplay is a huge part of keeping it fun for a long time. I don't think anyone just "makes-out" for hours before sex though... after 15 or 20 minutes if we're not already in the sack it's pretty damn close to couch banging. There was this one girl I would have long make-out sessions with but they were usually interspersed between cuddling over Netflix or something, mostly because she didn't want to go all the way with me until a week or two into our relationship

 

[electricshake]

So do you guys normally let the girl broach the subject of exclusivity and when you go from just dating to being in a relationship? I don't want to rush things but this feels right.

 

[Neki]

Are you escalating during your make-out sessions?

I don't want to sound silly but, I mean, are you doing more than kissing? Get a little grope on, don't just hold her shoulder or touch her cheek for 10 minutes. Start grabbing her ass, undressing her, taking off her top, pulling her on top of your lap, kissing her neck, her ears, etc... let her do the same, in-fact, maybe even encourage her to if she's a slow starter.

Foreplay is a huge part of keeping it fun for a long time. I don't think anyone just "makes-out" for hours before sex though... after 15 or 20 minutes if we're not already in the sack it's pretty damn close to couch banging. There was this one girl I would have long make-out sessions with but they were usually interspersed between cuddling over Netflix or something, mostly because she didn't want to go all the way with me until a week or two into our relationship

Yeah, we're definitely escalating past kissing, but I don't know, it's just not doing it for me.

 

[Boozeroony]

That's definitely a fair point. I suspect women on paiq are a lot more serious rather than "just looking around".

Again, I'll give it a whirl if things don't go as expected on Thursday, but I just prefer to know who I'm talking to before striking up a conversation. By the way. How much do you need to chat with someone before you unlock their photo?

I always keep my eye out for speeddates that pop up on the side of the screen. I only engage a chat if the "uiterlijkheden"-bar is above 8.5 and she is not too far away. If you've answered the questionnaire truthfully, the girls won't be incredibly ugly. If the subsequent chat turns out to be boring, you can cancel it without you losing one of the two free speeddates.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Firstly great post man, really has lightened me up a bit!

Without having a job I just simply have the frame of mind that I'd be trapped, despite that not being the case.

One of the companies I'm aiming for is contract based, and I think for where I am right now that'd work best. After that I'd really like to go traveling as you said, and it's definitely something I'll do in a few years.

There's so much I want to do in my life right now, and I must do it. I enjoy various forms of art, and I really don't give myself enough credit of what I can actually do. Because of this I'd definitely like to mix things up a lot, and perhaps become a freelance jack of all trades. Alongside all of this I'm really determined to get my band going, not only because I enjoy playing, but because gigging would really help open me up as a person.

I agree that contract work would be really good for someone who's still unsure about their career ambitions and wants a more flexible work schedule. The downside is that it can be unpredictable, so if you want to work you may not get any (and vice versa). However, it's a good way to network and get experience (which would be invaluable when applying for more permanent positions).

Also, don't view a job as a trap. A bad job is just like a bad relationship: you can leave, and you can find something better. Don't stick it out and risk hurting yourself emotionally.

Anyway, it's great that you're so dedicated to accomplishing so much. Hope things work out for you.

 

[Locke_211]

Yeah, we're definitely escalating past kissing, but I don't know, it's just not doing it for me.

I really hope you take this as good advice, rather than as a joke or anything denigrating, but if you're having issues why not try something like Cialis? I've used it once when I got a big complex about sex and staying hard and it honestly worked like a dream.

EDIT: even if you're feeling not that relaxed, you will get hard with some stimulation and damn way stay hard. just doing it once with a little help can prove enormously beneficial to getting over the hurdles we place infront of ourselves!

There are reputable places online, in th UK at least, where you can do an online consultation that gets checked by a GP. I've bought it twice, once face-to-face and once from an online place, and it's exactly the same.

 

[Digishine]

FYI, reading some of the last few pages, I gotta say some of you guys would really benefit having a fuck buddy or friend with benefits or whatever you may call it.

It makes things considerably less complicated for yourself, and for the girl youre attracted to.

Relationships just tend to get messy and chaotic in the long run.

Sent a birthday greeting to one of mine this weekend, and she replied thanking me and that she wants to meet some time soon over a cup of coffee or beer, and I should let her know when soonish.... well why not? I sure like where thats going.



lololol how old is she? I'd take a guess at saying shes way too fucking underage for you. Ditch the bitch. If she sends anything similiar ignore that shit.

You played completely into her trap.

She's 20.

 

[Hypereides]

She's 20.

Shes young and immature. Those usually go hand in hand 85% of the time. No surprise.