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[Frostburn]

I need some advice on a situation I find myself in. This is one of the biggest decisions of my life probably and I feel like I can't talk to those around me and get good advice.

Girl 1 (The girlfriend)

I have been dating the same girl for close on 4 years now. She is 3 years younger, still in school (1 year left), no job, book smart, NOT street smart, attractive, bit of a feminist almost, was VERY iffy on kids (If she'd want 1 or 2 in the future), takes Prozac because she worries about stuff out of her control WAY too much and it helps a bit but my biggest concern is that this will wear on me if we were to get married. I feel like I always have to be the strong one and reassure her and play a bit of parent role sometimes. It takes a while to talk her down from her worries (Sometimes months) She had a irrational fear for a while when commuting into the city for school that she was hitting people or other cars and bikes and whatnot just because they were closer. Between the medicine, me and her therapist it still took almost 3 months for her to finally stop worrying about things that clearly weren't happening. (That is a recent example of what worries me).

Girl 2 (The friend)

This girl and I have been friends for about 6 months. She is younger (almost 8 years younger) but acts more my age and is very responsible. She has a huge family (9 siblings) and is like a second mom to most of her younger siblings. She is book smart, attractive, street smart, the ideal wife material (Cooks, cleans, enjoys taking care of others) is awesome to hang out with, is a virgin (And wants to wait until marriage for her (Not because its what god wants or anything like that, its purely a personal decision for her.) Anyway I've started to develop pretty strong feelings for her, the way it happened took me by surprise and of course now I feel guilty as all hell for it but I can't help the way I feel (Though I probably shouldn't have gotten into this situation in the first place).

The problem

It is getting to the point now where I seriously need to make a decision about my future. I'm in the process of looking for my first home (To own) and I either have to go down the path of getting a ring and getting married or break off the relationship and start to date girl 2. I know someone's feelings are going to be hurt either way but it has gone on too long already and something needs to happen. I feel like I could potentially be happier with Girl #2 but it is a risk since much is unknown. I still feel like it is worth taking that leap of faith but I know Girl #1 would be devastated (And her family) and all my friends know her very well. What should I do?

Please feel free to ask any questions that would help (I'm sure I didn't think of everything)

 

[defel]

Please feel free to ask any questions that would help (I'm sure I didn't think of everything)

Okay here is a question that it is seriously worth considering and something that I personally have seriously considered over the past few months: Do you really want to get married? The life you set out of a wife, your own house, 2.4 children, a job ... Is this something that deep down you actually desire? So much of what we want is shaped by the expectations society puts onto us and the actions of people around us. Many men (and women) get to a point in their life where they have everything that society expects of them and yet they are unhappy (I believe this is the root cause of the "mid-life crisis").

I know there are a few other issues youve got in your post there but Ill let other people help you out with those. I think being honest with what you want and accepting that you have to be selfish makes it more likely that you make the right decision in the long term.

 

[Frostburn]

Okay here is a question that it is seriously worth considering and something that I personally have seriously considered over the past few months: Do you really want to get married? The life you set out of a wife, your own house, 2.4 children, a job ... Is this something that deep down you actually desire? So much of what we want is shaped by the expectations society puts onto us and the actions of people around us. Many men (and women) get to a point in their life where they have everything that society expects of them and yet they are unhappy (I believe this is the root cause of the "mid-life crisis").

I know there are a few other issues youve got in your post there but Ill let other people help you out with those. I think being honest with what you want and accepting that you have to be selfish makes it more likely that you make the right decision in the long term.

I really do want to get married. I want to have children for me. I have many friends around that are married with kids and it is definitely something I want. I'm almost 29 now, there was certainly a time when I did not want that (I had an almost 6 year relationship when I was younger that ended because I knew I didn't want to get married to her and so it needed to end). I don't feel pressured to get married right this moment but I do want a wife and kids because I know I will enjoy both immensely. I'm just now getting to the point where I'm ready to start down that path however.

 

[LosDaddie]

Guys, I feel for you with this online dating stuff. I bet it can be frustrating.

I've mentioned my single, never-had-a-BF 27yo sister-in-law here before...well she finally signed up for Match.com and had her first date on Friday night. Let me give you guys some advice for how to avoid a bad first date:

- First off, work on your online profile. Make it stand out. My SIL said it was this guy's profile that made her want to contact him. Now, I don't know what this guy's profile said, only that it was enough for her to initiate contact.

- Most important thing is to work on improving yourself. Exercising, dieting...anything to improve your health & image will help you attract females. But even then, your genetics may screw you out of chances with certain ladies.

This guy was doomed from the start of their date because he was 1) shorter than her and 2)balding. :lol I felt bad for the guy because my SIL sent my wife a text at 8:08pm (the date started at 8pm) that she "wasn't feeling it, AT ALL"....they had literally met/chatted for a couple minutes, he went to go get drinks, and he was already done for the night. No chance. :lol

- Don't ask "What could've I done differently" repeatedly when the woman is rejecting you. Sometimes, being rejected is totally out of your control.

- Don't keep complimenting the girl over & over on the date, especially if she's already rejected you. Now, don't be an asshole after the rejection, just don't think compliments are going to change her mind about you.

This poor guy kept telling my SIL how "amazing" she was, even after she told him "I don't feel a connection" a couple times. Now her ego is even more inflated.

2. The very few new women I do meet have no interest in me. I'm 100% fine talking with women and pushing ahead, but I need to at least have some form of interest shown.

I'm on OKCupid, tried match and eharmony a bit and just have had no luck at all. Really kills your self-esteem when you can't even get a bite on an online dating service.

You just have to keep trying. Like I said above, try to improve your online profile.

 

[Beer Monkey]

Hurrrgh. Ex-fiancée just asked me "how are you?". On Draw Something (I know). Hmm. Personally I am doing better emotionally from it and it's been about 2 months. I'm kind of surprised she's saying anything to me through it. I guess I'll respond and see where it goes.

I guess cutting her out from Facebook made her actually wonder about me. Weird.

Draw a big hairy dick with a giant smiley face saying hello.

 

[Joel Was Right]

I've met someone recently on a dating website and whilst in a phone conversation, we both realised that we hadn't actually ever been on a date or gone on the dating scene. Whatever past relationships we've had have come in a different way. Anyway, my question is, I hope we'll eventually meet up - that's the plan, but I have no idea where to take her. We're both quite homely people

This poor guy kept telling my SIL how "amazing" she was, even after she told him "I don't feel a connection" a couple times. Now her ego is even more inflated.

This is one of the things that have put me off dating as a whole, this attitude that there must be an instant connection akin to a romantic novel. An initial spark isn't a measurement of how a potential relationship would be much less how compatible the two are. If you're on a dating website, then it suggests you're having tough luck meeting someone in the real world, so why she'd adopt this cynical attitude is baffling. If anything you'd think she'd be more tolerant.

I'm surprised the guy didn't mention his height on his profile. Maybe he did and she missed it? Who knows

 

[Attackthebase]

This guy was doomed from the start of their date because he was 1) shorter than her and 2)balding. :lol I felt bad for the guy because my SIL sent my wife a text at 8:08pm (the date started at 8pm) that she "wasn't feeling it, AT ALL"....they had literally met/chatted for a couple minutes, he went to go get drinks, and he was already done for the night. No chance. :lol

I had that problem before when a person's picture doesn't truly match the person's true identity. That was an issue on my last online date. I've strayed away from the whole online dating business.

I've been focusing more on meeting friends of friends and dating them. That's how I am currently seeing this one woman atm.

 

[Jhoan]

GAF there is an attractive girl in my class that I been wanting to talk to, but considering there is only three more weeks left my time is running out. I think the best way to handle this is to ask her if she wants to study together...I guess I'm nervous and anxious about it at the same time.

Do it man. Think you're the most awesome guy in the world and get back to us. Feeling nervous and anxious is normal; in fact it's a good feeling to have because it means you're doing it. If you want to stay in contact with her/ask her out, do it sooner rather than later to quote the OP; don't procrastinate on it because then you're gonna be kicking yourself over the summer wishing you'd attempted to get her number (because you find her interesting, not the other way around). If you get rejected, then you shrug it off and keep your head held high.

I'm just a bit confused what by what it is that you want: Do you really want to study with her as an excuse to hang out with her or do you want to hang out with her outside of school? I think there's a difference between the two contexts.

 

[Minamu]

Great day! Fantastic weather (even though I spent 8 hours in UDK), good teacher response during our game presentation, had a really casual meeting with a Nintendo representative, might be getting a visit from the family's dog for two weeks during the summer while they travel to Nice and I got obvious IOI's from a sexy blonde at the supermarket

It's the small things, people

 

[luckyboyceo]

My summer fitness routine has done great wonders for my confidence, not to mention the sheer testosterone boost it's provided. I notice I've been making a lot more eye contact lately and being more aggressive in saying hello to girls. I think my aura is changing too, because I'm getting more chit-chat from girls than I remember. Just today when I was out on my job, I was passing up a fine young lady--made eye contact, checked her out--and she gave me a high-five as I passed.

Things are looking good... I'm not going to hamstring myself by refusing to approach, but I know the fitter and skinnier I get, the better my chances with girls. Can't wait till this fall...new freshmen crop + me being 30 lbs lighter = potential hookup.

Great to hear it, man. I'm willing to bet that a lot of the positive interactions you've had are based more off the confidence boost you've received from working out than the actual physical improvements working out has made. That's a good thing, because once your workout and weight loss becomes even more noticeable, you'll be getting even more attention!

Man, I am having no luck in this department. It kills your confidence when no form of dating is working for you.

In my experience, women come in waves. You may just be experiencing a real dry/rough patch right now. Hang in there and continue to focus on self-improvement, and the waves will pick back up again.

I need some advice on a situation I find myself in. This is one of the biggest decisions of my life probably and I feel like I can't talk to those around me and get good advice.



Please feel free to ask any questions that would help (I'm sure I didn't think of everything)

Did you feel this way about your girlfriend prior to developing feelings for your friend? I mean, have you been second-guessing your relationship in the past? Because sometimes when we meet someone new and exciting, we begin to validate it in our head by highlighting certain faults and annoyances in the current partner. In my experience, this usually backfires because you're essentially biasing your decision in order to make an easier one.

Also, has your friend given you signs that she's interested? Or is this just pure speculation on your part that you two would be good together? Cause if it's the latter then I'd strongly advise against making a big decision based on a hunch.

Here's an exercise for you, try flipping a coin. Heads you stay with your girlfriend, tails you pursue your friend. If feel like you aren't satisfied with your result, that's probably an indication of which direction you should go. Obviously, don't leave this decision up to a coin flip, but sometimes it's a good way of figuring out which side you're subconsciously leaning towards.

EDIT:
For the record, I'm not trying to persuade you into taking the safe choice. If you feel like you want to be with your friend, you should absolutely go for it. Just be cautious.

Great day! Fantastic weather (even though I spent 8 hours in UDK), good teacher response during our game presentation, had a really casual meeting with a Nintendo representative, might be getting a visit from the family's dog for two weeks during the summer while they travel to Nice and I got obvious IOI's from a sexy blonde at the supermarket

It's the small things, people

Awesome, man! So true that the small things really stand out. Today I was told that I always "look like a GQ model" by a girl in my class. Better believe that stuck with me for the rest of the day.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I need some advice on a situation I find myself in. This is one of the biggest decisions of my life probably and I feel like I can't talk to those around me and get good advice.

Girl 1 (The girlfriend)

I have been dating the same girl for close on 4 years now. She is 3 years younger, still in school (1 year left), no job, book smart, NOT street smart, attractive, bit of a feminist almost, was VERY iffy on kids (If she'd want 1 or 2 in the future), takes Prozac because she worries about stuff out of her control WAY too much and it helps a bit but my biggest concern is that this will wear on me if we were to get married. I feel like I always have to be the strong one and reassure her and play a bit of parent role sometimes. It takes a while to talk her down from her worries (Sometimes months) She had a irrational fear for a while when commuting into the city for school that she was hitting people or other cars and bikes and whatnot just because they were closer. Between the medicine, me and her therapist it still took almost 3 months for her to finally stop worrying about things that clearly weren't happening. (That is a recent example of what worries me).

Girl 2 (The friend)

This girl and I have been friends for about 6 months. She is younger (almost 8 years younger) but acts more my age and is very responsible. She has a huge family (9 siblings) and is like a second mom to most of her younger siblings. She is book smart, attractive, street smart, the ideal wife material (Cooks, cleans, enjoys taking care of others) is awesome to hang out with, is a virgin (And wants to wait until marriage for her (Not because its what god wants or anything like that, its purely a personal decision for her.) Anyway I've started to develop pretty strong feelings for her, the way it happened took me by surprise and of course now I feel guilty as all hell for it but I can't help the way I feel (Though I probably shouldn't have gotten into this situation in the first place).

The problem

It is getting to the point now where I seriously need to make a decision about my future. I'm in the process of looking for my first home (To own) and I either have to go down the path of getting a ring and getting married or break off the relationship and start to date girl 2. I know someone's feelings are going to be hurt either way but it has gone on too long already and something needs to happen. I feel like I could potentially be happier with Girl #2 but it is a risk since much is unknown. I still feel like it is worth taking that leap of faith but I know Girl #1 would be devastated (And her family) and all my friends know her very well. What should I do?

Please feel free to ask any questions that would help (I'm sure I didn't think of everything)

First one sounds annoying and it seems you're not that in to her, just drop her. Try to get with girl 2, see how it turns out.

Guys, I feel for you with this online dating stuff. I bet it can be frustrating.

I've mentioned my single, never-had-a-BF 27yo sister-in-law here before...well she finally signed up for Match.com and had her first date on Friday night. Let me give you guys some advice for how to avoid a bad first date:

- First off, work on your online profile. Make it stand out. My SIL said it was this guy's profile that made her want to contact him. Now, I don't know what this guy's profile said, only that it was enough for her to initiate contact.

- Most important thing is to work on improving yourself. Exercising, dieting...anything to improve your health & image will help you attract females. But even then, your genetics may screw you out of chances with certain ladies.

This guy was doomed from the start of their date because he was 1) shorter than her and 2)balding. :lol I felt bad for the guy because my SIL sent my wife a text at 8:08pm (the date started at 8pm) that she "wasn't feeling it, AT ALL"....they had literally met/chatted for a couple minutes, he went to go get drinks, and he was already done for the night. No chance. :lol

- Don't ask "What could've I done differently" repeatedly when the woman is rejecting you. Sometimes, being rejected is totally out of your control.

- Don't keep complimenting the girl over & over on the date, especially if she's already rejected you. Now, don't be an asshole after the rejection, just don't think compliments are going to change her mind about you.

This poor guy kept telling my SIL how "amazing" she was, even after she told him "I don't feel a connection" a couple times. Now her ego is even more inflated.






You just have to keep trying. Like I said above, try to improve your online profile.

How has she never had a boyfriend?

 

[Furio53]

I haven't felt motivated to try lately, not sure what my deal has been. I've been hitting the gym hard for about 4 months and am looking good, I'm fine in all aspects of life. I just feel very meh about dating right now. It's kind of weirding me out.

 

[Chibits12]

I haven't felt motivated to try lately, not sure what my deal has been. I've been hitting the gym hard for about 4 months and am looking good, I'm fine in all aspects of life. I just feel very meh about dating right now. It's kind of weirding me out.

That sounds like me too. I signed up at the YMCA past February and has been hitting the gym 4 days a week. I'm feeling better, my work situation is better, but I haven't dated since leaving college (going on four years...) I feel like I need to get back on track.

I'm opening up my Okcupid account again and hang out more with friends next week since it's my week of vacation. Easier said than done.

 

[Fëanor]

So I bought tickets to go see Explosions in the Sky and Tenacious D next month. I'm going alone, and I'm not sure how exactly that's going to make me feel now that I'm single. I feel so out of touch now with the world, such a strange feeling.

Been two weeks since the break-up, feeling down comes and goes. Oh well.

 

[Branson]

Hurrrgh. Ex-fiancée just asked me "how are you?". On Draw Something (I know). Hmm. Personally I am doing better emotionally from it and it's been about 2 months. I'm kind of surprised she's saying anything to me through it. I guess I'll respond and see where it goes.

I guess cutting her out from Facebook made her actually wonder about me. Weird.

So following up on this. I said back "I'm doing good. How are you?" and all she wrote back was "I'm ok".

The fuck? Anyway. That was weird. Not sure how to take that so far.

 

[hawkshockey11]

Got asked out on a hike by a girl I knew but have no attraction towards. Said yes and thought "oh god what have I done" but then saved my ass by plugging my ex into the pretty deep conversation we were having and then following it up with a ".....more reason to cram as much possible into our lives now and leave all the grown up stuff for when we are grown up "

Yay, effectively friendzoned someone

So following up on this. I said back "I'm doing good. How are you?" and all she wrote back was "I'm ok".

The fuck? Anyway. That was weird. Not sure how to take that so far.

She is probably missing you since I am assuming you guys had a long relationship and a good friendship at one point. The only problem is that she can't talk like nothing happened so it will basically be the most awkward conversation possible.

 

[Ghost_Protocol]

Anyone have any experience with Match.com? What's the typical response time for emails? I created an awesome profile around 4 days ago, sent around 10 emails out 2 days ago and haven't heard anything back yet. I got read notifications on all 10, and multiple profile views from all 10 people, but no formal communication.....Is there a "don't call for 3 days" type mentality at work in the online scene, or am I just impatient?

Any advice/recommendations/ first- hand experience is welcome.

 

[Pollux]

After 4 years of dating, now that I'm single, I've just realized how awkward I've become. Now I have to get my swag back, any advice?

 

[Branson]

She is probably missing you since I am assuming you guys had a long relationship and a good friendship at one point. The only problem is that she can't talk like nothing happened so it will basically be the most awkward conversation possible.

Yeah. It was 5 years. Engaged for about 4.

 

[ZombieFred]

Yeah. It was 5 years. Engaged for about 4.

Yeah I've been in this boat (was going out five years and engaged for 4 months) and I can't even think of trying to be in contact with my ex or stuff again because how she hurt me and the situation I was left (For good and bad). I've build a new life out of it and it's going pretty great so far but there's still some minor healing left.

 

[Hypereides]

I've had the wierdest experience recently from a girl coming onto me, like ever.

She was obviously to trying flirt/score me, but she said some things that made me question how in the hell she thought that would work. She wasnt my type really, but it still strikes me as a super confusing way of coming onto some one.

1) She claimed she was a lesbian and her friend was her girl friend, later admitted she wasnt and told me she's been out of an abusive relationship with some dude, then went back to saying she was a lesbian, jesus christ.(which I pretty much figured out she wasnt from some down right obvious telling signs).
Just a thought: The fuck are you telling me youre a lesbian if youre interested in me? Makes no sense in my mind.

2) Asked me/thought I was gay. I kinda jokingly replied if it was because I was so good looking and due to my great hair.

3) Started asking very trivial downright, fact based questions. Right of the bat she asked me what I do for a living, my age and such. Getting straight to the point, huh? boring.

4) I was with a buddy, we both had cigarettes, but she kept asking for mine to get my attention or some shit.

5) Later on she got upset left the room and her friend came over to me and quickly muttered to my face "shes upset because she thinks youre kinda cute" and dashed after her.

Dafuq?

By the 3rd strike, my interest was at a minimum.

And here I thought girls in general had a great grasp at flirting. Some girls need to tighten their skill set. That kinda felt retarded to me.

 

[Lafiel]

I need some advice on a situation I find myself in. This is one of the biggest decisions of my life probably and I feel like I can't talk to those around me and get good advice.

Honestly even without girl #2 in the picture, it sounds like you aren't happy enough with girl #1 that the relationship is worth continuing either way. That's just my assumption based on how you describe the situation with her.

Amusingly girl #2 sounds like someone that could be one of my sisters.:lol (very similar family background).

 

[Frostburn]

Did you feel this way about your girlfriend prior to developing feelings for your friend? I mean, have you been second-guessing your relationship in the past? Because sometimes when we meet someone new and exciting, we begin to validate it in our head by highlighting certain faults and annoyances in the current partner. In my experience, this usually backfires because you're essentially biasing your decision in order to make an easier one.

Also, has your friend given you signs that she's interested? Or is this just pure speculation on your part that you two would be good together? Cause if it's the latter then I'd strongly advise against making a big decision based on a hunch.

Here's an exercise for you, try flipping a coin. Heads you stay with your girlfriend, tails you pursue your friend. If feel like you aren't satisfied with your result, that's probably an indication of which direction you should go. Obviously, don't leave this decision up to a coin flip, but sometimes it's a good way of figuring out which side you're subconsciously leaning towards.

EDIT:
For the record, I'm not trying to persuade you into taking the safe choice. If you feel like you want to be with your friend, you should absolutely go for it. Just be cautious.

I've had doubts about the relationship in the past. I've gone as far as breaking up with her for those doubts about two years ago but got back with her thinking it would be different about 3 months after that. Even without Girl#2 in the picture I've had these doubts lately. My friend is interested and has expressed as much, I'd certainly give it a chance but my biggest concern is my current relationship and if I should end it... most indications point to that being the best course of action regardless of everything else. Going to try the coin thing and see how it ends up because now I'm very curious.

First one sounds annoying and it seems you're not that in to her, just drop her. Try to get with girl 2, see how it turns out.

She can be but it isn't terrible, it isn't anywhere close to the point where I can't stand her or anything and I do know I have a soft spot for being too kind... you make it sound so easy to just drop a girl I've been with for the past 4 years I don't know what to say to her without making it seem like the worst thing ever for her. Any tips?

Honestly even without girl #2 in the picture, it sounds like you aren't happy enough with girl #1 that the relationship is worth continuing either way. That's just my assumption based on how you describe the situation with her.

Amusingly girl #2 sounds like someone that could be one of my sisters.:lol (very similar family background).

Yeah I think that's probably for the best, I just know the ripples it will cause with her family and my friends and most of all I know how hurt and devastated she will be and I wish there was something I could do to make it easier on her. I know waiting longer would be an even bigger mistake however.

 

[hawkshockey11]

I've had the wierdest experience recently from a girl coming onto me, like ever.

She was obviously to trying flirt/score me, but she said some things that made me question how in the hell she thought that would work. She wasnt my type really, but it still strikes me as a super confusing way of coming onto some one.

1) She claimed she was a lesbian and her friend was her girl friend, later admitted she wasnt and told me she's been out of an abusive relationship with some dude, then went back to saying she was a lesbian, jesus christ.(which I pretty much figured out she wasnt from some down right obvious telling signs).
Just a thought: The fuck are you telling me youre a lesbian if youre interested in me? Makes no sense in my mind.

2) Asked me/thought I was gay. I kinda jokingly replied if it was because I was so good looking and due to my great hair.

3) Started asking very trivial downright, fact based questions. Right of the bat she asked me what I do for a living, my age and such. Getting straight to the point, huh? boring.

4) I was with a buddy, we both had cigarettes, but she kept asking for mine to get my attention or some shit.

5) Later on she got upset left the room and her friend came over to me and quickly muttered to my face "shes upset because she thinks youre kinda cute" and dashed after her.

Dafuq?

By the 3rd strike, my interest was at a minimum.

And here I thought girls in general had a great grasp at flirting. Some girls need to tighten their skill set. That kinda felt retarded to me.

She sounds drunk

 

[Shanks]

I need some advice or something as I'm really confused. I was in a relationship for three years which came to an abrupt halt about three weeks ago. I was upset and hurt and completely cut off contact with her to help myself move on. I hooked up with some random girl I used to be friends with about two weeks after the breakup. She got crazy attached and I wasn't over my ex so I broke it off after a week to do her and I a favor. My ex calls me and it turns out she wants me back. I seriously loved this girl to death and now I have no idea what to do. If I dont say anything, she would find out or I'd guilt to death. I told her I didn't want to right now (I don't. I need some time I think.). So I was planning on waiting a few weeks and laying it out. I just feel that I fucked my chances by hooking up to try and forget about her. This shit is ruining my day.

 

[Cubsfan23]

After 4 years of dating, now that I'm single, I've just realized how awkward I've become. Now I have to get my swag back, any advice?

lots of inner work

 

[Prologue]

I need some advice or something as I'm really confused. I was in a relationship for three years which came to an abrupt halt about three weeks ago. I was upset and hurt and completely cut off contact with her to help myself move on. I hooked up with dome random girl I used to be friends with about two weeks after the breakup. She got crazy attached and I wasn't over my ex do I broke it off after a week to do her and I a favor. My ex calls me and it turns out she wants me back. I seriously loved this girl to death and now I have no idea what to do. If I did t say anything, she would find out. I told her I didn't want to right now (I don't. I need some time I think.). So I was planning on waiting a few weeks and laying it out. I just feel that I fucked my chances by hooking up to try and forget about her. This shit is ruining my day.

 

[Prologue]

Anyone have any experience with Match.com? What's the typical response time for emails? I created an awesome profile around 4 days ago, sent around 10 emails out 2 days ago and haven't heard anything back yet. I got read notifications on all 10, and multiple profile views from all 10 people, but no formal communication.....Is there a "don't call for 3 days" type mentality at work in the online scene, or am I just impatient?

Any advice/recommendations/ first- hand experience is welcome.

Hop over to the occupied. I'm guessing same advice applies

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=463965

 

[Attackthebase]

I have a second date coming this Friday. Watching Angels in America at her place. I'm bringing some whiskey scotch along. Should be interesting to see how this ends up. Probably best to acquire some condoms, just in case.

 

[Pollux]

lots of inner work

Got anything more...concrete?

 

[Attackthebase]

After 4 years of dating, now that I'm single, I've just realized how awkward I've become. Now I have to get my swag back, any advice?

You seemed chill during the Boston meet up a month and a half back.

 

[Pollux]

You seemed chill during the Boston meet up a month and a half back.

I think I'm just psyching myself out bc of actually being single again. And thank you.

Good luck with your girl! Just remember, do what GAF-man would do.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Met a girl from the net the other day, seemed alright but I dont think she thought I was very attractive. The problem when you only use your better pics online is that when they see you in real life, its disappointing. I've not heard from her again since, this has happened a few times now. Hurray for being an ugly sod! Looking forward to a lonely life and dying alone, etc! lol

 

[Attackthebase]

I think I'm just psyching myself out bc of actually being single again. And thank you.

Good luck with your girl! Just remember, do what GAF-man would do.

It never hurts to remain single for a period of time. I love the freedom it brings.

I'll make Gaf proud of me!

Met a girl from the net the other day, seemed alright but I dont think she thought I was very attractive. The problem when you only use your better pics online is that when they see you in real life, its disappointing. I've not heard from her again since, this has happened a few times now. Hurray for being an ugly sod! Looking forward to a lonely life and dying alone, etc! lol

That's one of the saddest "lol" I've ever seen. :-(

 

[Sanky Panky]

I need some advice or something as I'm really confused. I was in a relationship for three years which came to an abrupt halt about three weeks ago. I was upset and hurt and completely cut off contact with her to help myself move on. I hooked up with some random girl I used to be friends with about two weeks after the breakup. She got crazy attached and I wasn't over my ex so I broke it off after a week to do her and I a favor. My ex calls me and it turns out she wants me back. I seriously loved this girl to death and now I have no idea what to do. If I dont say anything, she would find out or I'd guilt to death. I told her I didn't want to right now (I don't. I need some time I think.). So I was planning on waiting a few weeks and laying it out. I just feel that I fucked my chances by hooking up to try and forget about her. This shit is ruining my day.

You did the right thing which was try to move on. Why did the GF break up with you? depending on the circumstances you might not want to be with someone who's "love" for you can be so fickle after 3 years. Was she after another guy and it didn't work out?

You don't want to be with someone that plays with your emotions like that.

 

[Shanks]

You did the right thing which was try to move on. Why did the GF break up with you? depending on the circumstances you might not want to be with someone who's "love" for you can be so fickle after 3 years. Was she after another guy and it didn't work out?

You don't want to be with someone that plays with your emotions like that.

Distance and the complications it brings. I honestly don't think she was after another guy.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

That's one of the saddest "lol" I've ever seen. :-(

the problem is the same issues still remain even if you use the net to meet people. if you can't meet people offline for a certain reason (my case being a bit of a mong), then even if you use your best pictures, when people meet you in real life the original problem still exists. The awful thing is you get talking and attached to their personality, you then meet them and it all goes to shit. I now feel reluctant to meet up with girls who I chat to offline because I know it will be the beginning of the end.

 

[low-G]

I haven't felt motivated to try lately, not sure what my deal has been. I've been hitting the gym hard for about 4 months and am looking good, I'm fine in all aspects of life. I just feel very meh about dating right now. It's kind of weirding me out.

I think it's something in the air, I know a lot of people both male and female going through this. I seriously wonder if solar activity or seasons or something could have such an effect on people.

Anyone have any experience with Match.com? What's the typical response time for emails? I created an awesome profile around 4 days ago, sent around 10 emails out 2 days ago and haven't heard anything back yet. I got read notifications on all 10, and multiple profile views from all 10 people, but no formal communication.....Is there a "don't call for 3 days" type mentality at work in the online scene, or am I just impatient?

Any advice/recommendations/ first- hand experience is welcome.

Haven't tried match.com, but that sounds like the typical 'not interested' thing online. Eh, at least sometimes the girls have a good reason for not replying (as opposed to a dumb reason).

Met a girl from the net the other day, seemed alright but I dont think she thought I was very attractive. The problem when you only use your better pics online is that when they see you in real life, its disappointing. I've not heard from her again since, this has happened a few times now. Hurray for being an ugly sod! Looking forward to a lonely life and dying alone, etc! lol

You sure you're not psyching yourself out? If she saw your pic and went out with you odds are the difference to reality isn't so much that physical attraction wasn't doing it for her. It's about the way you act, and any number of other things might have turned her off (like oh, he's not really interested in blah, or 'oh' he's intimidating, or 'oh' I'm looking for someone more sickeningly romantic, blah blah).

Why assume it's something wrong with you?

I know I've done this before too, physical attraction is funny, don't worry about it too much and do what you can to improve yourself (fitness, style).

 

[Minamu]

Got anything more...concrete?

He's talking about listening to Brent Smith (live stream on Sunday!) etc and doing your damndest to convince yourself that you are worthy of whatever it is you want. More specifically would be working on your confidence and general vibe.

 

[AHA-Lambda]

Guys, I posted in this thread before just over a month ago about my break up. I've gotten better but today I've just generally felt like shit

The problem is that tomorrow we were supposed to be going to London for a long weekend, and had this planned for ages. Now knowing that that is tomorrow I just feel like crap
Any advice gaf?

 

[Cubsfan23]

Got anything more...concrete?

i can pm you some stuff if you're going to be committed to it. it'll show you how to be what minamu is talking about

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

I know I've done this before too, physical attraction is funny, don't worry about it too much and do what you can to improve yourself (fitness, style).

I know what you mean, thanks for your thoughts. I was ok up until a couple of years back. unfortunately there's not much you can do when your hair starts going to shit :/

 

[LosDaddie]

This is one of the things that have put me off dating as a whole, this attitude that there must be an instant connection akin to a romantic novel. An initial spark isn't a measurement of how a potential relationship would be much less how compatible the two are. If you're on a dating website, then it suggests you're having tough luck meeting someone in the real world, so why she'd adopt this cynical attitude is baffling. If anything you'd think she'd be more tolerant.

I'm surprised the guy didn't mention his height on his profile. Maybe he did and she missed it? Who knows

I blame RomComs for that mindset. But I believe most people want the "instant connection" when meeting someone new. I mean, who wouldn't want that?

Most people, after having gone through a few relationships, realize the "instant connection" is Hollywood fantasy bullshit. And even when there's the "instant connection" with someone, it doesn't mean the relationship is a guaranteed success. (It could just mean both people are horny and available at that moment.)

That's problem with my SIL; she's never had a BF. So she still believes in the "instant connection" lie, and has dismissed many guys over the years because it wasn't there. Now her date last Friday never had a chance because she wasn't attracted to him, but she's also quickly dismissed (in her words) cute/hot guys in the past because the "instant connection" wasn't there...after talking to them for a few minutes. :lol

But honestly, I've known only 2 women who are hung up on the "instant connection" thing, and they both remain single (and miserable) to this day. So, it's not the norm in my experience.

I had that problem before when a person's picture doesn't truly match the person's true identity. That was an issue on my last online date. I've strayed away from the whole online dating business. .

Yeah, it should go without saying that you need to put up an accurate photo of yourself on these online sites. I don't know if my SIL's date had an accurate photo of himself on Match, but probably not since I doubt she would've initiated contact if she knew he was shorter than her (and balding).

How has she never had a boyfriend?

I don't know. No one in the family really knows. :lol My SIL is fairly attractive (I think my wife is hotter), she's got an OK personality, but she's lazy career-wise. So nothing that screams "Forever Alone" about her.

My SIL claims to have commitment issues, but how can someone have commitment issues without EVER having a relationship (not even a fuck-buddy)? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Minamu]

i can pm you some stuff if you're going to be committed to it. it'll show you how to be what minamu is talking about

Anything new to me?

 

[Zomba13]

Arranged another date with the OKC girl. We're going bowling (which we both suck at and not done in a while) because I can't find any mini/crazy golfing places we can get to. Turns out she isn't busy next week, while chatting on skype we were talking about how we've both been busy lately and we're tired and how I was free next week and she said so was she and we should meet up again

 

[Pollux]

He's talking about listening to Brent Smith (live stream on Sunday!) etc and doing your damndest to convince yourself that you are worthy of whatever it is you want. More specifically would be working on your confidence and general vibe.

Gottcha.

i can pm you some stuff if you're going to be committed to it. it'll show you how to be what minamu is talking about

Yea, please do. I think my problem is that it's just been so long, lol. Back when I was single I was great, but i've just forgotten.

 

[defel]

Gottcha.


Yea, please do. I think my problem is that it's just been so long, lol. Back when I was single I was great, but i've just forgotten.

Check out RSD Blueprint. In fact I recommend everyone checks that out.

 

[Minamu]

Gottcha.


Yea, please do. I think my problem is that it's just been so long, lol. Back when I was single I was great, but i've just forgotten.

"I'm always great and I have everything I need in life". That's where it starts

 

[luckyboyceo]

the problem is the same issues still remain even if you use the net to meet people. if you can't meet people offline for a certain reason (my case being a bit of a mong), then even if you use your best pictures, when people meet you in real life the original problem still exists. The awful thing is you get talking and attached to their personality, you then meet them and it all goes to shit. I now feel reluctant to meet up with girls who I chat to offline because I know it will be the beginning of the end.

I bet you're not really ugly, you just think you are, and that's what turned her off. If you're self-conscious about your looks, it's going to show.

What is it about your looks that gives you this idea? Realistically, there are very few naturally ugly people out there. Most of the time there's something you can do to change things if you really want to.

Guys, I posted in this thread before just over a month ago about my break up. I've gotten better but today I've just generally felt like shit

The problem is that tomorrow we were supposed to be going to London for a long weekend, and had this planned for ages. Now knowing that that is tomorrow I just feel like crap
Any advice gaf?

It's natural. You have good days and you have bad days. The fact that you had a pivotal moment coming up makes it easy to have a bad day. It's part of the healing process and something you'll learn to adjust to. If you do feel yourself having a bad day, try and occupy your time with something productive (exercise, work, friends, etc).

You've been having more good days than bad days, right? That's a sign of progress. I'm still going through my breakup as well so I feel your pain, but trust me, you'll get through it.

 

[jadedm17]

Alright, so this ones new to me. I've been doing a lot of new things lately.*

*New things, keeping your mind open to them and a willingness to leave your comfort zones occasionally will lead to great things.

Last night I ended up at my friend's house and met his new girlfriend. Shortly later he invited our mutual friend Tim and then got his two female neighbors to come hang out. A fun night of drinking later one of the girls (who are roommates) leaves to go sleep, Tim passes out on the couch, and the lovebirds wander off to have their own special party. Still left are me, a cute girl, and a laptop full of music. We stayed up till 5 am browsing through his playlist and fooling around. Honestly I just had a lot of fun and really enjoyed her company (for many reasons). The question lies : Where do I go from here?

During all this we did exchange numbers (I think? Well, I have hers.) and added each other on Facebook (bleh FB). This next week I'll be with said friends and friend A's girlfriend I just met, but how do I go about moving forward with this?

I feel I'm usually pretty smooth in my own quirky but geniune way but thats only in typical dating circumstances like co-workers or mutual friends, or people I haven't done anything with. Should I text her now and say I had fun we should hang out, or just blow it off until I see her again then say it? She just seems like a person I'd like to get to know regardless.

Any advice appreciated. Thanks.