Something I've noticed about girls I've known who don't have boyfriends until they are quite a bit older is...they don't have much of an actual sex drive...almost a-sexual. Do you think that may be the case?
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
Something I've noticed about girls I've known who don't have boyfriends until they are quite a bit older is...they don't have much of an actual sex drive...almost a-sexual. Do you think that may be the case?
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
Gonna keep this simple.
It was the day of final exams and I finish early. Basically the last day of class.
Back in February I asked out this one girl and she flaked on me and I ignored her ever since (with an exception of some small talk)
I leave the classroom when others are still taking the test, she whispers to me, "Have a great summer, we should hang out sometime."
Bear in mind this was a classroom environment during a FINAL and she was willing to say that and I was ready to leave and all I ever did in response was the whole "call me" hand gesture and she nodded. Now I called her number once and It was in February so I doubt she has my number.
Should I start seeing this chick and call her up over the weekend? Or should I stay ignoring her? Seems to be that ignoring somewhat attracted her to me I guess...
It was the day of final exams and I finish early. Basically the last day of class.
Back in February I asked out this one girl and she flaked on me and I ignored her ever since (with an exception of some small talk)
I leave the classroom when others are still taking the test, she whispers to me, "Have a great summer, we should hang out sometime."
Bear in mind this was a classroom environment during a FINAL and she was willing to say that and I was ready to leave and all I ever did in response was the whole "call me" hand gesture and she nodded. Now I called her number once and It was in February so I doubt she has my number.
Should I start seeing this chick and call her up over the weekend? Or should I stay ignoring her? Seems to be that ignoring somewhat attracted her to me I guess...
Ignore her, make her suffer.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
girls want what they can't have
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
So the general consensus is to do nothing to get results? I mean I can see that backfire in some degree and left wondering what could happen...
I mean is it naive of me to actually be interested in seeing this girl after what happened before?
I mean is it naive of me to actually be interested in seeing this girl after what happened before?
I wouldn't be, but hey, we are each our own person.
pursuing the girl again will be like touching a hot stove after already being burnt.
you can be interested in her, but doesn't it make sense to do the complete opposite of what you did last time? You're too attached to the outcome too.
Atramental
Banned
You guys remember back in elementary school, on the playground, when the girls had fun chasing us boys?
I'm no psychologist but I think, to some degree, women want to re-experience that childish/nostalgic thrill of being the pursuer.
I'm no psychologist but I think, to some degree, women want to re-experience that childish/nostalgic thrill of being the pursuer.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
I highly doubt that Disney and RomComs do as much damage as people say.
SpectreFire
Member
I'm not sure if I need a new picture up on my dating profiles or not. My most recent one is almost a year old, and there's only two in total on my pages on POF and OKC.
I don't think it's effecting my response rate that much, I just tested out POF and messaged 5 random cute girls and I got 3 of them into a conversation right now. But I feel I should try updating it since I might look slightly different. Although god knows if I could tell on my own.
Should I go for cam pictures or put myself in a situation where I can get normal pictures taken?
I don't think it's effecting my response rate that much, I just tested out POF and messaged 5 random cute girls and I got 3 of them into a conversation right now. But I feel I should try updating it since I might look slightly different. Although god knows if I could tell on my own.
Should I go for cam pictures or put myself in a situation where I can get normal pictures taken?
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I wish I had testosterone. My levels are lower than a 80 year old man.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Lol that's kind of you to say but genuinely I have been battered a bit with the ugly stick in my opinion, and my life long bad run of having hardly any girls fancy me pretty much confirms it. I'm not the ugliest person in the world or anything terrible, I'm just not good looking or attractive to the opposite sex. its just a fact I've had to grow up with and try and manage best I can. I know its not the best attitude to have but I'm simply a realist, I cannot go around flaunting what I do not have. of course others have got round this problem and I applaud them for it, I've just not been able to navigate around it. I'm now nearly 29 and the time of hoping a cute young lady will appear has pretty much past. my parents have told me that people 'divorce all the time's and its not the end of the world if I have to settle for someone who's not great looking and/or has kids. lol even my parents feel that time is running out for me, its quite a concerning feeling.
AHA-Lambda
Member
Yeah I have been having more good days than bad I guess, that makes me feel better
It can be surprisingly hard thought because she still wants us to be friends. That is still taking alot of getting used to
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Guys... does this actually work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzJOQA6e7JQ&feature=g-all-u
I am watching this pickup youtube channel, and I am stunned. My entire life *I* have been told not to generalize human beings, put them in categories or think that systems and manipulation works.
I can't be sure of this but I get the feeling that a lot of women knows what "game" is and what "nagging" is, and they say it's a big turn off, but seeing stuff like this. I mean, are these girls drunk at this point? I just find it so weird that some women will just openly on the street let themselves be subjugated by a stranger who asks them creepy shit like what is your favorite color.
I know I am late to the party on this, but I have gone full circle around the game pickup artist culture, because of beliefs before.
Here is my question:
If you are boss, and you somehow are able to get to the don't-give-a-fuck-mentality, will that be as effective as what these guys are doing? Because if I had to choose, I would rather improve myself being less self conscious than using these systems and methods.
Does anyone here call themselves gamers?
Note - I am not looking to pull one-night stands, but meeting viable candidates for relationships. So maybe pickup is not even the right dimension I am in.
I still enjoy reading this thread! cheers!
I am watching this pickup youtube channel, and I am stunned. My entire life *I* have been told not to generalize human beings, put them in categories or think that systems and manipulation works.
I can't be sure of this but I get the feeling that a lot of women knows what "game" is and what "nagging" is, and they say it's a big turn off, but seeing stuff like this. I mean, are these girls drunk at this point? I just find it so weird that some women will just openly on the street let themselves be subjugated by a stranger who asks them creepy shit like what is your favorite color.
I know I am late to the party on this, but I have gone full circle around the game pickup artist culture, because of beliefs before.
Here is my question:
If you are boss, and you somehow are able to get to the don't-give-a-fuck-mentality, will that be as effective as what these guys are doing? Because if I had to choose, I would rather improve myself being less self conscious than using these systems and methods.
Does anyone here call themselves gamers?
Note - I am not looking to pull one-night stands, but meeting viable candidates for relationships. So maybe pickup is not even the right dimension I am in.
I still enjoy reading this thread! cheers!
Hypereides
Member
Bolded: You would be correct. I know some people out there that operate literally after that book. Especially danish girls in this case, now that I know that you and I are from Denmark, Walrus, so yes on our own cultural level especially in Copenhagen a large percentage of girls are very aware of "The Game".
Even some celebrities have been name dropping that shit on danish TV Walrus, like Ciano and Sidney Lee. I know a chick that slept with the later.
Its fine to push and pull, but negging is often a risky gamble. I know one guy that down right negs girls with every sentence that comes out of his mouth. Needless to say he has been very far from succesfull. Theres only so much negativity a girl can tolerate. He repels women like a shit.
A little side-track but... truth be told, I feel ashamed and disgusted at the same time for what Im about to say, but recently I found out that the previously above mentioned guy and I 'shared' the same girl on two individual ocassions. The reason I feel terrible about myself is, because after I slept with her I found out she has some kind of mental condition that just makes it hard for her to refuse anything (She had some neurological surgery to remove a tumor. Which kinda damaged her) Theres nothing that would indicate/detect her being mentally impaired/brain damaged in any way. She looks completely normal, attractive on the outside and speaks normally.
That fact made me guilt trip. I felt/feel bad, terrible and sympathise for her, while on the other side, that douche I mentioned above bragged/brags about it, with no empathy and still considers it a 'win'/'score' despite that he is aware of her condition. Fucking sickens me.
Thats why I hate to be associated with regular players or whatever. I dont take shit from those people. I wouldnt even call that guy a player, but he wants to be associated with them.
Ahem, anyway... my approach is pretty laid back. But Im more natural in my approach too. Most of the time girls/women come up to me, unless some retarded aquaintance of mine is sticking to me. Im more like a "half asshole" rather than a whole one.
Theres alot of impatient, inexperienced and immature guys out there though (in Copenhagen). Kind of fun to watch them some times.
To answer your question: Yes, it works. But everyone has their style or approach. And it is a possible way to meet a viable candidate.
AdventureRacing
Member
So i have now been on 3 different 'dates' with my ex which have all went fantastic. We've organised to meetup a bunch more times over the next few weeks and we pretty much talk non stop. We both just have this connection together that we don't have with anyone else. We are both completely different people when we're together (in a good way).
I think i'm going dow a dangerous road but i feel like it's worth the risk. I'm still going to the gym, working hard at my job, making new friends and generally getting ahead in life. So at least if things don't work out i'm still moving forward.
Maybe things won't work out and we will just decide to ramin close friends but honestly i feel like i'm finally ok with that. Guess i'll keep updating as things progress.
I think i'm going dow a dangerous road but i feel like it's worth the risk. I'm still going to the gym, working hard at my job, making new friends and generally getting ahead in life. So at least if things don't work out i'm still moving forward.
Maybe things won't work out and we will just decide to ramin close friends but honestly i feel like i'm finally ok with that. Guess i'll keep updating as things progress.
How long were you guys broken up before you started talking again?
He's been a naughty boy.
A naughty boy indeed.
He requested a 3 month ban
Anyway I went out last night, had a blast and I'm starting to put myself out there a bit more with people.
Instead of shying away I'm just trying to casually get into conversation with people.
While I don't have any first-hand experience with online dating, my sister-in-law said her email box was "flooded with responses" from Match.com the day after she signed up. I imagine this situation is very common for fairly attractive females on Match/eHarmony/etc.
So maybe your emails were lost in the sea of emails these girls receive.?. Or maybe your email & profile didn't stand out. This is why I said I feel for you guys & this online dating stuff. I bet it can be frustrating.
Man, she's my SIL...I'm not privy to that kind of info. :lol She only asks my dating advice because 1) I'm married to her sister and 2) she claims to want to meet a guy like me (I doubt she could handle a guy like me).
But I'd say her sex drive is, uh, probably normal for a 27yo female. Whenever she's interested in a guy, she can't stop talking about him, which means she bugs the shit out of my wife about the guy.
Attackthebase
Member
For Match, the person has to be a member for them to reply to emails. Match doesn't tell you who has this access or not, so many of these members on the site probably didn't pay for their account and cannot reply to emails.
thats just how it is 100 dick to every 1 female
vs 1 female for 100 dick
I made an account saying I was a transgender female and even that got 50 replys a day
So you haven't boned her? Shame on you man...JK lol.
luckyboyceo
Member
Well, obviously you know your physical appearance much more than I do, but I still maintain the belief that many people who think of themselves as ugly, aren't in fact truly ugly. In most cases, the person has just yet to find what works for them. I'd suggest working out (if you aren't already), making a conscious effort to dress nicer (even if you don't have to, just do it for the sake of looking nice), and maybe trying a few new things appearance wise, whether that's a new haircut, or experimenting with facial hair. There are plenty of things you can do to accentuate your favorable features and diminish the ones you're self-conscious about, whatever those may be.
Also, in regards to your age, I know I'm sure you've heard this a lot, but 29 is still very young. Hell, my uncle just recently met someone he's hopelessly in love with, and he's 60. There are plenty of people your age who for whatever reason, have yet to find that special someone. Try not to think about your age as a clock, it's only going to stress you out and for something that isn't worth stressing about in the first place.
Truthfully, staying friends at this point is unfair to you. Maybe sometime in the future after your emotions have settled, but now? Can you really just flip the switch into friend mode? It sounds like you can't, and that's normal.Yeah I have been having more good days than bad I guess, that makes me feel better
It can be surprisingly hard thought because she still wants us to be friends. That is still taking alot of getting used to
Staying friends with her right now is just going to postpone your recovery process. You're taking the slow route, when you could probably make the process much easier on yourself. If possible, I'd advise cutting your communication for the time being. Out of sight, out of mind.
Everything you're doing goes against common sense, but I guess you've gotta learn somehow.
Throwing a date idea into the pile since I don't post here that much anymore: take a girl geocaching. You can do it in the city, on hiking trails, wherever. You can make it competitive to see who finds the most caches too. It's great fun and I'd recommend adding it to your hobbies regardless of whether or not you're doing it as a dating activity. Try it sometime!
My hair has been fairly shit all my life (kind of curly/wavy that changes by the hour and never ever got long enough to style right, and now is thinning even more). Look, as a 95% heterosexual male (as in I really never ever want to have sex with a guy, kiss a guy, whatever) there are bald and balding guys that I think are super hot. You can still find a style that works for you (clean shaven, stubble, even certain non-shaven styles can look good). It may really not be as good as the best guy with the best hair, but you'll be 90% or 95% at worst and appeal to some other women more, it's not that huge of a thing. Again, make it your own. You can't control it and it literally means nothing real about you. Look at sports stars and celebrities that are bald or balding and regarded as hot.
But yeah, before I started working out I thought I was ugly as hell (and really, I was overweight enough to actually be so, but I also didn't take care of myself right). I still don't know what to think sometimes, but it does help that I've come far along enough that some girls I think are super attractive have called me super attractive. I've noticed that attraction doesn't always get attracted to other attractive people. I know there are 'attractive' girls I think are 'meh' and some 'meh' girls don't seem to like me, or have even said so.
And yeah, as for myself I'm 30 and most of the girls I've dated have been younger, and I'm actually moving progressively younger. The next girl I'm meeting from OKC is 23. I have a 31, almost 32 year old friend who is currently dating a 21 year old. They're both overweight so whatever, but that kind of age gap is still relatively meaningless.
I think you're right, but don't say asexual though, for a lot of reasons. I know a guy that's actually asexual and you're talking different timezone entirely.
One of the most attractive women I know was in situations where she was raped with her parents' approval, and she says she's only recently learned to appreciate sex at all, her sex drive is extremely low and she's still single and has a lot of issues in relationships.
On the other hand I know a girl with a sex drive like you wouldn't believe and she gets in the first relationship she can. Another few girls with high sex drive do the whole open relationship stuff.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Thanks for the replies. I have got some gym equipment that I've been using (I'm not fat, I've always been tall and slim but in the last year my belly is trying to ...'develop', can sit ups literally stop this shit? I dont know what else to do lol).
In terms of my hair, its not completely gone yet or anything, its just starting to thin and when my hair has usually been one of my better features, its a bit of a shit now that its going wayward. I fear I'm going to end up more with a old man/Mr Burns vibe as opposed to a awesome action star/Jason Statham look, haha.
I got talking to the girl who disappeared for a few days again (maybe she felt guilty so started talking to me), but its all gone to crap. They'll be a bit of small talk then she wont respond for like 20 minutes. Texting has all but stopped, just consisting of conversation killing 2 word messages which have no point what-so-ever. She's obviously busy with other people, but I seem to always get to this point where they suddenly, without warning, meet someone they like 'better' and I'm thrown on the scrap heap. Its shit and I'm getting a bit sick of trying.
In terms of my hair, its not completely gone yet or anything, its just starting to thin and when my hair has usually been one of my better features, its a bit of a shit now that its going wayward. I fear I'm going to end up more with a old man/Mr Burns vibe as opposed to a awesome action star/Jason Statham look, haha.
I got talking to the girl who disappeared for a few days again (maybe she felt guilty so started talking to me), but its all gone to crap. They'll be a bit of small talk then she wont respond for like 20 minutes. Texting has all but stopped, just consisting of conversation killing 2 word messages which have no point what-so-ever. She's obviously busy with other people, but I seem to always get to this point where they suddenly, without warning, meet someone they like 'better' and I'm thrown on the scrap heap. Its shit and I'm getting a bit sick of trying.
AdventureRacing
Member
The thing is i know this but i think i'm going to do it anyway. If it does blow up in my face well i guess i'll just have to learn from that.
3 months.
Some guys seem to be asexuel because they don't pursue women, but the thing is, they actually do have a sex drive. They just don't want to deal with the social exchanges required to get in bed with someone, so they resort to masturbation instead. Some even convince themselves that they're better being alone, so they don't need to be accountable to anyone. Maybe this also applies for some womens. Just a thought...
Actually, I'd say I had that mindset for many years, but I'm slowly getting rid of that now.
By the way, this is my first post in this thread, but I actually read it on a regular basis. I went through some hard times after things went south with a girl a couple months back... It was my first "intimate" relationship, I was a 26 years old virgin before that. Even though it didn't last long (2 weeks of frequentation, but we knew each other way before that), it was so intense... I had never felt these feelings before. Anyway, reading this thread really helped me get through it (along with hangin out with my friends), so I just wanted to thank you guys for that.
Actually, I'd say I had that mindset for many years, but I'm slowly getting rid of that now.
By the way, this is my first post in this thread, but I actually read it on a regular basis. I went through some hard times after things went south with a girl a couple months back... It was my first "intimate" relationship, I was a 26 years old virgin before that. Even though it didn't last long (2 weeks of frequentation, but we knew each other way before that), it was so intense... I had never felt these feelings before. Anyway, reading this thread really helped me get through it (along with hangin out with my friends), so I just wanted to thank you guys for that.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Haha I wish I was more like this, would save me a lot of grief and hassle if I could live happily this way!! Dating these days is like a confusing nightmare
Attackthebase
Member
I was actually this way for a long while. Still am a little bit. During the school semester, this is my usual mindset and game plan, since dating can be a little burdensome, especially when I lose interest in most girls I date.
hawkshockey11
Banned
They spike when you work out. Sadly for me that means acne breakouts which I never had before
Etrian Oddity
Member
4 or 5 trips to the gym a week = TESTOSTERONE OVER NINE THOUSANDDDDDThey spike when you work out. Sadly for me that means acne breakouts which I never had before
It's great to do them mid-day if you can, around 2p or 3p. That way when you're out and about doing your errands, it's more often you get interaction with girls (your pheromones are at their strongest). No joke.
Fëanor;38150157 said:
Depends entirely on the girl. Read her profile, take your time, then check it again. I send entirely different messages to different girls.
Sometimes I introduce myself a bit, always try to comment or ask about something on her profile. Keep it relatively short. 3-4 sentences good, something like 2 paragraphs absolute maximum for a first message. Never as short as 1 sentence, unless it's the most amazing sentence ever, I guess.
It's always a challenge, and I think it really depends a lot on how much the girl thinks you're attractive then how good your profile is. As my female friends have said, good photos of you matter more on OKC than even real life.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
I've been on Match for about 5 days now and I can already see that it's a harder way to meet women than doing it in person. When you see someone attractive on the street, all you need is nerve to go up and interact with them. When you see someone attractive online, 700 other guys have already seen her first and flooded her email with messages. You won't even get a chance, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Perfect profiles and perfect emails mean nothing if she has to sort through hundreds to get to you.
I couldn't imagine sorting through 20 emails, let alone the 100+ I KNOW some women are getting. Fuck....Giving up at the end of this week.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
Dude just wear whatever you think looks good
luckyboyceo
Member
Disagree with this. A lot of guys wear what they think looks good and they end up looking like slobs. You should definitely employ some of your own originality into all of your looks, but you need to start somewhere.
Do you keep up with the Manshion thread? Lots of good advice in there. Styleforum has some pretty good stuff, though it's mostly geared towards being a message board.
If you're just looking for looks, try lookbook. They have some odd stuff on there from time to time since it's all user-based, but it can be a great source of inspiration for new outfits. This month's GQ has some decent tips in it as well. Might be worth browsing through next time you're at the store.
And to keep this dating-centered, I can't emphasis the importance on dress enough. For those of you thinking you may need to upgrade your wardrobe, do it! You'd be surprised the amount of attention you receive when you put on something nice, not to mention the confidence boost that comes with it.
Pollux
Member
Ah, good advice. Thanks man. You're a life saver.
Hey guys,
Long time thread lurker, first time thread poster here and I have a situation that took an interesting turn this week and I need some words of comfort and encouragement.
A co-worker who I've worked with for just over a year will be quitting in two weeks to go back to school full time. The time and conversation between us at work have always been pretty much professional and appropriate. The only time we ever talked outside of work were the few times we went for walks around our building and mainly chit-chatted about our weekend or how our week's been. Our main personal exchanges have been through email throughout the year and we got to know each other, our interests, and goals in life.
She's the type of person at work who is completely focused and presents herself in a genuinely nice and almost overly amicable fashion. Some of my other co-workers think it's an act, but having got to know her I don't think it's completely an act. Over Christmas, she surprised me with a present and surprised me again last month when she got me a very thoughtful gift for my birthday. I never got her anything for her birthday months earlier so I made up for it, which I'm glad she liked and was surprised by.
It was about after Christmas when I started to develop a crush for her but refrained from making a move. She's a spiritual person and independently motivated and her beliefs, interests, and general demeanor are similar to my own and I have the feeling that she may have the idea I'm interested in her. I bravely asked for her number last week and she gave it to me. I haven't called her yet. I'm nervous to because I want to ask her out to dinner but I fear rejection. Typical, right? It's just that I do not often find myself developing a crush for just any girl. The last time I found myself really liking a girl was about eight years ago and it was also over a co-worker except she had a boyfriend so there was no opportunity.
Should I man up and go for it? What's the best way to ask her? Can I pour my sorrow to you guys if she rejects me?
Long time thread lurker, first time thread poster here and I have a situation that took an interesting turn this week and I need some words of comfort and encouragement.
A co-worker who I've worked with for just over a year will be quitting in two weeks to go back to school full time. The time and conversation between us at work have always been pretty much professional and appropriate. The only time we ever talked outside of work were the few times we went for walks around our building and mainly chit-chatted about our weekend or how our week's been. Our main personal exchanges have been through email throughout the year and we got to know each other, our interests, and goals in life.
She's the type of person at work who is completely focused and presents herself in a genuinely nice and almost overly amicable fashion. Some of my other co-workers think it's an act, but having got to know her I don't think it's completely an act. Over Christmas, she surprised me with a present and surprised me again last month when she got me a very thoughtful gift for my birthday. I never got her anything for her birthday months earlier so I made up for it, which I'm glad she liked and was surprised by.
It was about after Christmas when I started to develop a crush for her but refrained from making a move. She's a spiritual person and independently motivated and her beliefs, interests, and general demeanor are similar to my own and I have the feeling that she may have the idea I'm interested in her. I bravely asked for her number last week and she gave it to me. I haven't called her yet. I'm nervous to because I want to ask her out to dinner but I fear rejection. Typical, right? It's just that I do not often find myself developing a crush for just any girl. The last time I found myself really liking a girl was about eight years ago and it was also over a co-worker except she had a boyfriend so there was no opportunity.
Should I man up and go for it? What's the best way to ask her? Can I pour my sorrow to you guys if she rejects me?
Vincent Alexander
Member
Jesus, you couldn't have it more in the bag---for at minimum a date and a chance at something more. She won't reject you, especially after this much. Have confidence and go forth. How you ask her though? It's always different, depending on your relationship. I'd just do a good ole' fashioned face-to-face "we should grab a bite to eat" deal.
My own random question. Why on earth do women (or maybe this is equal for both sexes) fall for people that are "broken"? Do people honestly enjoy the feeling of trying to fix someone else that much? Because it never goes well. I guess this is more rambling...ignore me.
luckyboyceo
Member
Vincent put it quite well above me. Yes, definitely go for it.
You literally have nothing to lose at this point. She's leaving work in 2 weeks, right? She says yes, you avoid dipping the pen in the company ink. The off chance she says no, you don't have to constantly bump into her at work. Trust me, ask her, you'll be kicking yourself if you don't.
I really do think it's the idea that they can fix them. It's rewarding to help someone, and if you can do that in a relationship the reward is even greater, at least to them. That's my guess for the thought process behind it anyway.
Johnlenham
Member
Good post (Thats all I seem to contribute with recently..)
Old lookbook and manshion thread has helped me out a fair bit, kind of cringe when I think how I used to dress!
AHA-Lambda
Member
Yeah I kind of agree, I know in my head that I'd rather see her in some capacity than not at all, but yeah the intention of us still being really good friends together is an unfortunately naive one.
- Status