Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
I read this in a Ron Swanson voice, and it only made you seem more creepy.
TheSchwab_7
Member
Haven't posted in this thread for awhile, but here's how things have been going so far with my girlfriend. We've only been together for a month, but we both agree that it seems like we have been together for much longer. Right now we're both living at home, which is about 1.5 hours away. Kinda sucks, but we're still both happy.
Anyway, I love spending time with her and we just click when we're together.
Anyway, I love spending time with her and we just click when we're together.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
They spike when you work out. Sadly for me that means acne breakouts which I never had before
If only it were that easy. I'm afraid I actually have a medical condition.
I'm thinking I'm gonna hang it up for a while, there's only so much self-improvement a person can go through before it's time to concede and accept what people have been saying for years. I guess I'm gonna try getting super ripped just to say I did it but it probably won't mean much. Also, it's probably not fair coming into this thread bringing people down because for a lot of guys it really is just a matter of a couple changes and a positive attitude so at least try.
luckyboyceo
Member
Have a few drinks, approach someone and see what happens. Sometimes, going up without a plan is the best plan. Keep in mind, you're in Vancouver, around a bunch of women you'll never see again in your life, you literally have nothing to lose. Tell them you're from Washington and see where that gets you.
Enjoy your trip and go dawgs!
Don't stress, you're making progress. For what it's worth, kissing and holding hands generally go hand-in-hand (pun, intended). It shows that she's comfortable enough around you, and most likely comfortable enough to kiss you. I'd go for it next time.
Regardless, sounds like you're on the right track. Keep it up!
That's normal, man. It's a sign that you genuinely like her. Have a great time, looking forward to hearing about your success later this weekend.
I wonder if you're coming on too strong? Could that be a possibility? Are you rushing into a relationship when she's still interested in just dating?
I'm trying to think of some other things it could be, but I'd imagine that would be the most common.
Yeah, your integration into her family is just another element that's going to make this situation even harder. At times, I'm sure that hurts even more than losing the girl herself. There's no question it's going to be a challenge, but keep in mind that they're probably just as upset about not being able to see you, as you are them. Not sure if that makes you feel better or worse, but it's worth noting.
In regards to one of your previous posts, please, try not to dwell on the possibilities of your ex and someone else. I know it's natural to think about that, especially at this stage of your breakup, but it's only going to make you feel worse. I know that's easier said than done, but when you catch yourself thinking about those thoughts, literally grab it out of your brain and throw it against the wall. I mean that, literally. Do the action, as odd as that sounds, and rid yourself of those thoughts. Guarantee it will make you feel better.
You'll make it through this and as always, we're here for you.
Xun, I'm getting close to looking up flights to London just to show you a good time.
What exactly feels awful? That you're not meeting women? Or that you just don't feel like you're making any progress self-improvement wise? It's one thing to tell yourself you're going out without any intentions, it's another thing to actually do it. It can be hard to distinguish between the two. Sometimes, I find that being spontaneous really helps to rid myself of expectations. It gives you less time to over-think the night and more time to just go with the flow. Maybe that's what you need? Also, would you consider your circle of friends to be a good group of people? Maybe you need to try hanging around others? Just some thoughts. Regardless, I hope things pick up for you soon. You seem like a cool dude, based off your posts.
Enjoy it. The early stages of a relationship are always some of the most exciting.
Attackthebase
Member
Good news: I had a great time with her. We had some great conversations regarding philosophy and such. Got to know her better. We both acknowledge that we only hang out with people, especially new people, who we have respect and fondness for. Plus, "Angels in America" is amazing, I'll be seeing the rest with her at some point and time. Lastly, we're grabbing brunch Monday.
Bad news: She seems to have lingering feelings for this one dude; she seemed really distasteful towards him though. While I know she generally likes me (she wouldn't hang out with me otherwise), and I flirt with her a fair bit, I'm not exactly sure where I lie.
Final judgements: I'm going to lower expectations to simply being friends at the moment. Seems like the best course of action. If anything did happen, it would be over relatively quickly, since she is heading to law school in August (out-of-state). I'll continue to see her throughout the summer, but more as a friend than anything else. It's simply nice to see another person living in my small area. But, I'm content with making a friend who has my respect (which is difficult for any person I meet, since I'm damn harsh with my judgements). Though, that doesn't mean I won't stop flirting with her, and possibly making a move if the opportunity presents herself.
The upside of all this allows me to continue to focus on bettering my inner-self.
Attackthebase
Member
Seems like this 18 year old wants to see me again
I remember how you were a few years back. Your development becoming a confident man fills my heart with joy. Such a beautiful transformation.
Congrats on the possible 18-year-old. I discovered recently that I really prefer to date people in my age range (or slightly older). Dating women under 21 is a tad burdensome. There's not much to do in my town for people who aren't legal drinking age, and I, more or less, feel like a babysitter when I am with such girls.
A few years back? Have you been spying on me?
There's still a long road ahead of me, but yeah, I've changed a lot this last year in particular. Thank you I agree with you on younger women. Most of the time, they don't feel or look like women, but little girls, which is just annoying to me, as I'm turning 27 in about four months. This girl was just a happy accident Though, she is just two or three years older than my little sister and have the same name as my mom. Not the best combo in the world perhaps, but she's seems alright from what I've gathered.Hypereides
Member
Seems like this 18 year old wants to see me again
Congrats, hope it works out.
A little stealth bragging here, but I recieved the most interesting compliment by the girl Im involved with at the moment: "...I love you, but at the same time I hate you just as much". Cute.
So I'm on the fence about dating this girl. She's into me and I am too, the problem is she's younder than me so I'm a it afraid that she might be immature (although she didn't show any sign of it so far). I've never been with a younger girl (she's 20 and I'm 23), I don't know if I should go for it or not as a lot of friends of mine had bad experiences in the same situation.
Attackthebase
Member
A few years back? Have you been spying on me?
I just cannot stand the typical 18-year-old girl's personality. There are of course exceptions, but those are far and few between. As a hook-up material, I probably would go ahead with her, but I cannot imagine being in a relationship with such a youngster. Though, more power to you if it works out. ;-)
Yeah, I realized I was a tad more passive than usual last night. I'll up my aggressiveness next time I see her.
But for now, it's time to focus on the upcoming weekend and prepare for a fun time with some friends involving a blue's festival in Sarastoa.
I'm 16 and have never dated anyone until just recently. I've gone out with this girl a couple of times, and want to again. Problem is, the area where I live has almost nothing to do. I tried inviting her to mini golf and roller skating as ideas for activities, but she couldn't go to those for various reasons. We already went to the movies, and I'm running out of ideas.
I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, period
Especially not during the summer months. Honestly, she shouldn't be either at that age. But I dunno, I've only met her for two hours.Attackthebase
Member
I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, period
A fair sentiment. I quite like the single life. Having that amount of freedom is marvelous. On the other hand, I've grown quite tired of the dating scene. A bit too time consuming when I usually lose interest in the girl.
What I've seen of my sisters (who are around that age), and sorority freshmen, they seem to seek to be in a committed relationship. So, just a slight warning to keep an eye out for that.
I also have that problem around my area. Try chilling at the park, checking out local diners or cafes (there gotta be *something* in your place that can satisfy this), or have a movie date at your place. It's harder to suggest places for a high school student, I've been out of that scene for a long while.
Attackthebase
Member
Don't advise him to do drugs as a date, man.
Did she turn 20 this year or is she going to turn 21 this year? Either way, I think you should give her a chance and see how it goes. For all you know, she could be mature...or immature. Get to know her better to get a better sense of how she is. Does she act immature around you? It's understandable though; I myself do not tolerate immaturity from either men or women. But I still think that you can't judge a book by its cover.herbert²;38219896 said:
Dude, I read about your fear about getting a full time job in the Unemployed thread. I completely understand your sentiments (my oldest brother has the same fear too; hell, we all have that fear) about not having time to do anything as well as trying to look for contractual work. You seem to be a nice guy to echo what luckyboyceo said, but you have insecurities about life (like everyone does including myself).
Don't ever feel sorry for yourself; that's a mistake that a lot of Negative Nancy's in this thread make. I also know you want to start band.
So what I think you should do is post a couple of realistic goals (e.g. start a band, get into the gym, network with animators in London, host another London GAF meet up, etc.) in the Summer Goals thread by MasterMilk and aspire to do all of them by the end of the summer (give yourself a deadline). I posted my summer goals last year in the thread and did almost all of them (e.g. met up with one chick from Okcupid); it felt pretty satisfying. I'm planning on doing it again and posting my goals soon.
Also, I think you should host another London GAF meet up or at least make that another summer goal like I mentioned above. You guys all looked like you had a great time at the last one (again, Namco Land>>>Coney Island/Luna Park; I've never been to Luna Park, but still), so it would do you some good to host another one. The best thing about meeting Gaffers is that you could potentially make some really good friends and network with people.
Regarding the women situation, don't talk to women with the expectation of getting their number at the end of a conversation, do it for practice. Soultron mentioned a great exercise about talking to women just talk to them and then if you find her interesting, then go for her number. I've been doing the same exact execersise myself; I talk to women just to talk to them and to practice.
So you can do it man. Get rid of the negativity; it's not gonna help you in the long run and it's only going to destroy your self-esteem/confidence. Positivity is the name of the game as this thread suggests.
So this girl I asked to hang out today said she'd have to pass today up since she feels like it'd be weird since we've always hung in groups with other people. She said "at least until we know each other better."
She then asked if I was mad because I wasn't replying, and how she didn't want to give any fake excuses, so I sent her a message saying I'm fine and I was hoping to hang out, and had some stuff planned for us, but thanks for giving your honest opinion.
She asked what I had planned and I put a few ideas down, and she was all like, "I'm sorry!" and asked if I had plans with anyone else to which I said I kind of have some stuff to do.
She texted me "I'm really sorry and I really hope I didn't totally let you down"
Long winded, yeah, but what should I say back to her? Anything at all? I was thinking about asking her how her week went but I know you guys are very into the whole 'let the girl chase you' thing.
She then asked if I was mad because I wasn't replying, and how she didn't want to give any fake excuses, so I sent her a message saying I'm fine and I was hoping to hang out, and had some stuff planned for us, but thanks for giving your honest opinion.
She asked what I had planned and I put a few ideas down, and she was all like, "I'm sorry!" and asked if I had plans with anyone else to which I said I kind of have some stuff to do.
She texted me "I'm really sorry and I really hope I didn't totally let you down"
Long winded, yeah, but what should I say back to her? Anything at all? I was thinking about asking her how her week went but I know you guys are very into the whole 'let the girl chase you' thing.
Hypereides
Member
What Minamu said.
She respects you more as a friend than a sexual interest.
My friend, you're knee-deep in the friendzone.
She respects you more as a friend than a sexual interest.
My friend, you're knee-deep in the friendzone.
Attackthebase
Member
Yeah, it sounds like she isn't that interested in you. If she was, she would have agreed to see you without a group. Like the other gaffers have mention, don't respond back to her. Move onto the next girl.
I remembered why I came in here now. Seeing posters like Minamu and Jipan have reminded me to better up my inner-game. I'll continue my business with friends, and contact the girl Monday morning after my adventure is over.
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
Yeah, I'm not doing drugs.
Hypereides
Member
Wait a minute, arent you too young to be here? Hate to be a negative nancy, but man that seems way young.
Eh, you sure you know what's going on? You moving fast enough? How long are you talking about genuinely liking you? How many dates? What are you doing?
Typically for me now when things move along and the girl likes me but cools off I've come to recognize there's something about 'us' that isn't gonna really work out, too. It took a while to recognize that happening at first. It can happen for a lot of reasons. Sometimes this would take place post-makeout or even post-sex, it just depends on the girl.
I hate the bar scene and maybe it isn't for you either. Do something you -enjoy-. If you're coming home feeling awful it's probably not something you enjoy. You have an idea in your head of what you want, but that's -wanting-...
I just want to give this thread props again, because the overall message is still very good. I'm usually pretty good but I can get timid at times. Just gotta remind me that way isn't 'the way'.
Still meeting new girls, trying to set up a few more to get to that sweet spot where I have zero fear because I have multiples after me. I'm really going to try to walk the line with the 10/10 I talked about a while back.
It's also a bit tricky trying to work with this shy, nerdy, young (8 years younger than me) 8.5-ish. Realistically for a relationship now she's a front runner. Have some hopes.
Side story but it's all younger girls coming after me now. All 8-9 years younger... Maturity varies a lot from person to person, so I'll see.
Both, I think
Anyway, got an update. The girl texted me a couple of times during the night but was too young to enter my club haha. We met up at McDonald's after and she came home with me. And my streak of having great evenings when I'm not that excited continues. Not much happened and she couldn't stay the night so I'm still in The Contest for two more weeks
Cozy couple of late night hours though.Regarding the long distance relationship and trust;
All I can say is, I was tearing myself up knowing she was even hanging out with another man, or when she'd speak about him to me (Cmon, I don't want to hear that you went to some scary movie with your guy friend.) Basically me staring up at the ceiling over thinking so much, like a numbness, just unable to keep my mind off from it. It was bad.
So I finally just told myself, you know what?.. I shouldn't worry like this. I trust her. Why? Because I believe her, and that's all there is to it.
Because I don't know what person can then go on Skype, call you late at night, and still be able to tell you how much they love you.
All I can say is, I was tearing myself up knowing she was even hanging out with another man, or when she'd speak about him to me (Cmon, I don't want to hear that you went to some scary movie with your guy friend.) Basically me staring up at the ceiling over thinking so much, like a numbness, just unable to keep my mind off from it. It was bad.
So I finally just told myself, you know what?.. I shouldn't worry like this. I trust her. Why? Because I believe her, and that's all there is to it.
Because I don't know what person can then go on Skype, call you late at night, and still be able to tell you how much they love you.
hawkshockey11
Banned
You have to just trust. I did and never had any worry that she hung out with a lot of guys. You also have to keep in the back of your head that things can go very bad though. Not so much from the other guys, but just the fact that it is long distance and it is not usually fair for either party to be in a relationship that is "look, not touch." Especially if you are young.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
I feel like I'm slowly creeping into one of my "meant to be alone" moods again. Here's to hoping I'll work out of this one quick.
shanshan310
Member
Well this is an easy way to get a lot of girls to stop wanting to date you =/
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
She wouldn't act or talk that way when she was around me, why should it change because I am not around? We were loyal to each other. Not all flirty with acquaintances.
Attackthebase
Member
Never seeing (i.e. being able to touch) you in person is a major change in the relationship. A lot of factors have changed, and the more time that passes, the harder it'll be to maintain this relationship.
Smelly Tramp
Member
so yesterday afternoon i found out my girlfriend of 2 and a half years kissed another man...
i'm absolutely devastated, so lost atm.
we met at uni 2 years ago, we were in the same dorm.
she moved to london earlier this year, sort of long distance but i'd see her every 2 weeks because we made the effort and it was worth it. it was going fine until about 6 weeks ago...i was really stressed because i had my dissertation, 2 essays, and my final exams all to do in that period. i wasn't exactly the most attentive boyfriend, i had a lot on my plate, i was so low, but i told her it'd be al right.
it's that house man, she's living with a guy, and 2 girls, one of which was the girlfriend of my flatmate. they broke up 3 months ago, and i found out from my girlfriend that this girl fucking cheated on him like 5 times (and not just kissing either), he still thinks they'll get back together someday, not sure if its my place to say anything.
the guy she lives with cheated on his girlfriend, and it was one of his 'dj mates' that came over during a house party that she kissed...
that fucking house man, dirty dishonourable people. they're all poison and they've poisoned her. she used to be an absolute angel, she's never done anything like this before.
now she's begging me for forgiveness, says she fucked up once, says she loves me, wants to be with me forever, her friends all told her not to tell me, but i got it out of her.
i'm not a forgiving person man, and how can i see her when i hate her and all her flatmates? i'm a pretty big guy, and i know if i go to her flat, the guy flatmate she has is getting his head thrown through a fucking wall for inviting his mate over and ruining 2 1/2 years of a beautiful thing. i'd insult the other 2 for being cheating, lying whores as well.
FUCK MY LIFE.
i'm absolutely devastated, so lost atm.
we met at uni 2 years ago, we were in the same dorm.
she moved to london earlier this year, sort of long distance but i'd see her every 2 weeks because we made the effort and it was worth it. it was going fine until about 6 weeks ago...i was really stressed because i had my dissertation, 2 essays, and my final exams all to do in that period. i wasn't exactly the most attentive boyfriend, i had a lot on my plate, i was so low, but i told her it'd be al right.
it's that house man, she's living with a guy, and 2 girls, one of which was the girlfriend of my flatmate. they broke up 3 months ago, and i found out from my girlfriend that this girl fucking cheated on him like 5 times (and not just kissing either), he still thinks they'll get back together someday, not sure if its my place to say anything.
the guy she lives with cheated on his girlfriend, and it was one of his 'dj mates' that came over during a house party that she kissed...
that fucking house man, dirty dishonourable people. they're all poison and they've poisoned her. she used to be an absolute angel, she's never done anything like this before.
now she's begging me for forgiveness, says she fucked up once, says she loves me, wants to be with me forever, her friends all told her not to tell me, but i got it out of her.
i'm not a forgiving person man, and how can i see her when i hate her and all her flatmates? i'm a pretty big guy, and i know if i go to her flat, the guy flatmate she has is getting his head thrown through a fucking wall for inviting his mate over and ruining 2 1/2 years of a beautiful thing. i'd insult the other 2 for being cheating, lying whores as well.
FUCK MY LIFE.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Seriously, it was probably just a stupid mistake. Don't overcorrect the relationship-mobile and steer it into a ditch when you can keep it on the road if you stay calm.
Seriously, one mistake in 2 and half years sends you into this? yeah, she messed up. If you really cared for her, you'd forgive her and help her.
What you need to do is sit down with her like adults and talk. Explain why you're upset to her without hating or anger. You need to work through this will her. She seems to trust you more than you think if she asked for forgiveness against the wishes of her friends. Don't let her trust go to waste.
Go cool off and think.
Smelly Tramp
Member
she told me despite being drunk she decided to go over to the guy and get with him. she WENT and WALKED over to him and kissed him. plus they've been texting each other since.
she also told me she's been having a great time with her friends (her flatmates) the past few weeks. she made the stupid mistake 3 weeks ago, and now has been getting drunk and going out loads with these "friends", this merry band of relationship fuck-ups, a walking tornado of bullshit.
(before the cheating came out) at first she tried to reverse the blame on me. she said to me, we should go on a break, that we were having arguments, that we needed time apart from each other to appreciate each other again. she basically blamed me for her being upset for so many things over the past 6 weeks that i couldn't deal with because i was busy finishing my degree. i told her I'D be a better man, that I WASN'T being good enough to her.
and then after she told me, she just fucking crumbled into a weeping sad sack of shit. the worst part of it all is that she tried to make ME feel bad, when i'd done nothing wrong. what an act of complete and utter cowardice.
how can i forgive her and get past this, when i know if i go to her place i'll put her flatmate through the fucking wall?
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
You seem really riled up and I think you need to go chill so we can think through this rationally together. Nothing against you, and I'm not saying she's perfect or her friends are perfect or anything like that (she did make a mistake, after all), but if I or anyone else here who is better with words/relationships is gonna help you out and figure this out, I think we need to come down and just be calm, cool, and collected before we proceed.
Sanky Panky
Banned
Yeah, it's more than just a simple drunk accident. She wanted a break, I would give it to her, knowing full well that this is the end of the relationship. She actively pursued another guy, and had doubts about your relationship.
You can hope that she matures enough to value your relationship and support you in the sacrifices you are making, but it seems more like she's trying to figure out what she wants, and wants to go through a party phase.
Time to move on and take this as a learning experience. Go out there and have fun yourself.
You can hope that she matures enough to value your relationship and support you in the sacrifices you are making, but it seems more like she's trying to figure out what she wants, and wants to go through a party phase.
Time to move on and take this as a learning experience. Go out there and have fun yourself.
luckyboyceo
Member
I bet if you dumped her she'd come right back a few weeks later. She probably felt as if things were getting stale after 2.5 years and needed some excitement in her life, hence pursuing the other guy. Can't say I actually recommend this option, but it's an idea.
The best thing for you right now is to definitely cool off. Don't make a snap decision when your head and emotions are a mess like they are right now. Take a few days and figure out what you want to do, you'll be glad you did.
The best thing for you right now is to definitely cool off. Don't make a snap decision when your head and emotions are a mess like they are right now. Take a few days and figure out what you want to do, you'll be glad you did.
Smelly Tramp
Member
The worst thing is that this guy she pursued is ugliest person I've ever seen. I'm 10x better looking than him, it just doesn't make sense.
she knows she made the biggest mistake of her life, her whole family adore me, they know she can go a bit mental and i'm the only fella that can deal with her.
"wants go through a party phase", jesus christ, how cheap does that make her sound. not insulting you or anything, you're probably right.
she knows she made the biggest mistake of her life, her whole family adore me, they know she can go a bit mental and i'm the only fella that can deal with her.
"wants go through a party phase", jesus christ, how cheap does that make her sound. not insulting you or anything, you're probably right.
Smelly Tramp
Member
it's not her roommate, it's her roommate's friend that she's only seen once before.
and she didn't flirt with him when she was texting him, he was sending her messages and she was just replying back.
Attackthebase
Member
If it was just a kiss, I would say mistake happens, and to get over it since kissing isn't a super big deal.
But she wanted a break, and that is a sign of the relationship coming to an end. Two years, it'll be tough once you get out of your relationship, but it sounds like the best action considering the circumstances.
But she wanted a break, and that is a sign of the relationship coming to an end. Two years, it'll be tough once you get out of your relationship, but it sounds like the best action considering the circumstances.
Smelly Tramp
Member
you don't understand her reasoning though. she said the break thing yesterday, like 3 weeks after the kiss.
after she broke down she told me she only said she wanted a break because she wanted me to go off and fuck other girls to absolve her of her guilt. she said she never wants me to leave her, she wants us to be together forever.
- Status