Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Ugh OKC was really bumming me out. I need to expand my horizons and just man up and do this. It sucks when you get a couple of women look at your profile and not say a thing. I respond back to a couple of profiles with very little interest.

Sigh. I must be really that boring.
 
Glorified G said:
Somebody probably did this while you were gone.
I wasn't me I swear!!!!!
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Beat me to it.
 
At this point I don't think you're making her feel secure and okay as much as creeping her out and making her feel like she shouldn't have said anything in the first place.

I apologize in advance if you don't like me speaking for you Lee.
 
Devolution said:
At this point I don't think you're making her feel secure and okay as much as creeping her out and making her feel like she shouldn't have said anything in the first place.

I apologize in advance if you don't like me speaking for you Lee.
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Nah...I don't mind. It mostly just makes me sad more than anything. Haha.
 
So what has been more successful for you people, having a friend play matchmaker or going out and trying to pick up on random girls until someone says yes?
 
Leeness said:
Nah...I don't mind. It mostly just makes me sad more than anything. Haha.
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Sad?

Edit: nvm, you dont have to explain anything to a stranger on an internet forum. The guys tried to cheer you up, but it ended up bad.

clearacell said:
So what has been more successful for you people, having a friend play matchmaker or going out and trying to pick up on random girls until someone says yes?
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Depends on how good your game is. But a friend playing matchmaker can work too. TBH i've picked up more girls when I go alone and I'm not trying to pick up anyone.
 
Devolution said:
At this point I don't think you're making her feel secure and okay as much as creeping her out and making her feel like she shouldn't have said anything in the first place.

I apologize in advance if you don't like me speaking for you Lee.
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Well, better than when GAF told me I was ugly and should consider plastic surgery.
 
clearacell said:
So what has been more successful for you people, having a friend play matchmaker or going out and trying to pick up on random girls until someone says yes?
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Well, nobody situated my girlfriend and I together. We were both classmates back in High School, and she said yes. :)

So I guess that kind of fits in the "pick up on random girls" category? Though I have a feeling that one of your friends playing matchmaker might end up well for you (as long as you trust the friend). I mean, your friend knows you and hopefully knows what you like in a person. I say give that a shot.
 
Things have been going pretty well lately. I visited Ireland recently and fell in love with the country. I'm going back there next year for the entire summer. The women are probably in the top three of why I want to go back. And it's not just the women, everyone is so friendly, kind, and respectful.

Ever since that trip, my confidence has grown ten-fold. Sure in the past, I'd be able to walk up to most women and chat with them, but it wasn't until the trip where I learned how to seal the deal and get a phone number, a dance, or some fun back at her apartment. It feels good to have that type of confidence around anyone you talk to.

The trip was also a pretty good way to deal with my breakup and kind of forget about her for most of the trip. There were times where I would see something cool and say to myself "Oh wouldn't that be cool if she was here to see that with me." However, beyond those handful of times I was able to just do my own thing.

I still haven't spoken to her since April, but I think I'm finally figuring everything that went wrong out. I've had a lot of time to focus on myself and have some fun and it's given me the opportunity to be happy. For a while, I had a hole in my life, but now I feel complete.

I'm over the breakup, but not over her. I'm not sulking and accepted that her and I will probably not get back together. Although, I'd like to talk to her and just catch up and get a feeling of what's what with everything, but I'm not to sure how to initiate. Anyone have any ideas? I've asked my friends and I've gotten some pretty shitty responses.
 
Yeah, you look good Leeness. I even remember your pics from the other thread because they stood out to me as really good looking at the time.

I used to get made fun of for my looks/clothes in middle school, and because I was shy. I even had girls pretend to show interest in me as a joke for their other friends, while they all had a nice laugh. It crushed my self confidence. I was a late bloomer though and girls find me attractive now, but its still incredibly hard to shake the previous self image I had growing up. Things change though, as do appearances.
 
Also, I just want people to know, I don't act like this in public. Most people who know me only at work or whatever, they all think I'm the happiest, most self-assured, nicest person ever (and say so). So I don't really come off as horrible in person either. So... MEH.
 
Leeness said:
You know in Family Guy, when Meg would ask guys out and they'd either shoot themselves or set themselves on fire to avoid her? Less drastic version of that, when I ask guys out. They looked like they wanted to die or stab themselves in the face.

I dunno, I'd always make "first" friends when starting school and they'd abandon me and I'd find my real friends. I still speak to my good friends from elementary, and my good high school friends are my world. This is just how I am. I hate myself and I can't stop. I dunno. I had guys in high school call me fat to my face, ugly to my face. But that's high school, people are assholes.

I've only gone out with one guy, who was perfectly nice, but he didn't want to go on a second. So. One date. lol. Otherwise, OKC guys just message me with "HEY LETS MEET FOR SEX?!?!?" and that's that. No one is particularly nice or normal that I've met on there. But OKC is the only place that men even want to talk to me, so... I have the option of eternal loneliness or meet a strange internet man for a one night stand, cause I guess that's all I'm good for lol. I dunno anymore.

</tl;dr, sorry.>
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That's just terrible. :(
 
The_Inquisitor said:
Can someone in here go post something in Piano's thread? Jesus christ what a train wreck...
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Yeah...what. the. hell.

Looked like Salsa was taking care of business, though.

Leeness said:
Also, I just want people to know, I don't act like this in public. Most people who know me only at work or whatever, they all think I'm the happiest, most self-assured, nicest person ever (and say so). So I don't really come off as horrible in person either. So... MEH.
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You baffle GAF, with this subject. lol
 
Leeness said:
Also, I just want people to know, I don't act like this in public. Most people who know me only at work or whatever, they all think I'm the happiest, most self-assured, nicest person ever (and say so). So I don't really come off as horrible in person either. So... MEH.
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I'm baffled. Well, hey, at least you have a fan club. :)
 
Leeness said:
Also, I just want people to know, I don't act like this in public. Most people who know me only at work or whatever, they all think I'm the happiest, most self-assured, nicest person ever (and say so). So I don't really come off as horrible in person either. So... MEH.
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Everyone on Neogaf could post how beautiful you are and would probably do nothing. You need to convince only one person in the world, yourself. It's tough trust me, I used to think I was repulsive and ugly as all hell and girls didn't want anything to do with me. Then I started to look in the mirror everyday all the time and did my best to convince myself I'm beautiful. Every girl I would walk passed, I would think she's checking me out. At first it's all you forcing yourself and it doesn't feel natural. After awhile, it's like breathing and you walk down the street and you TRULY believe everyone is looking at you stopping to take a gander.

The most attractive woman I have ever met, was not super attractive physically. Her ass wasn't hanging out of her shorts, she didn't have the nicest body, she was really pale, her tits weren't busting through her shirt, but she was the most secure and interesting person I have ever met. She was really positive, felt super comfortable in her own skin, didn't complain and be negative like some attractive girls (who sit there and say they're fat when they're not) and she was so down to earth she even knew she wasn't the hottest girl on the block. She would compliment and congratulate girls that were more attractive. Yet, I have found her the most beautiful woman on the planet. All it takes, is to be comfortable with yourself and what you've got because 99 % of the time, if you have the confidence to be yourself and just that you're set.
 
Hydrogen Bluebird said:
I think I'm gonna end it with my GF. She deserves better than me, and her friend is just, man I can't stop looking at her.
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Woah woah woah, are you thinking of ending it on the grounds that you are attracted to the "hot friend"? Because if that's the only reason, it might not be a good idea. Like someone else said earlier on in this very thread, letting your GF know that you like her "hot friend" won't do anything positive for her self confidence. It's natural to be attracted to people that you think are attractive. You aren't cheating on your girlfriend, at least you haven't said you have here, so I don't understand the "she deserves better than me" statement.

Give this situation some thought, and don't do anything rash that you might regret a bit down the line.

Do you love your gf?
How long have you been together?
How old are you guys?
How serious has the relationship typically been?
 
Leeness said:
I know, haha.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy Bad Girl

Its who you choose to be. The problem with showing that "I'm happy" mask to other people is that you actually stop them from knowing who you really are. And in fact, when someone actually knows who you are, you end up scared of him because you will think that he has a powerful weapon against you for knowing you.

As Moussi said, everyone here can tell you that you are beautiful/gorgeous/funny/etc, but its like trying to do Inception through the Internet without the 3 dreams within dreams if you don't try to change.
 
Leeness said:
I know. I've tried before and it never works, so I've kind of just given up. :/
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If at first you don't succeed, try. Try again.

Slowly work on self improvement, and make yourself your #1 priority. Eventually everything else will work itself out around that.
 
I've tried different positivity ~activities~ and such, and they work a bit, but then they stop working and I become worse and worse. I hate myself more than I did in high school, really. Which shouldn't be. But it's because I tried and tried and tried and every time I try, I end up disliking myself more, I guess because I keep failing. I hate failure in myself, and I keep failing.
 
Leeness said:
I've tried different positivity ~activities~ and such, and they work a bit, but then they stop working and I become worse and worse. I hate myself more than I did in high school, really. Which shouldn't be. But it's because I tried and tried and tried and every time I try, I end up disliking myself more, I guess because I keep failing. I hate failure in myself, and I keep failing.
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You seem beautiful, smart...a really lovely person. Let this sink in! Believe in us, who believe in you!
 
Leeness said:
I've tried different positivity ~activities~ and such, and they work a bit, but then they stop working and I become worse and worse. I hate myself more than I did in high school, really. Which shouldn't be. But it's because I tried and tried and tried and every time I try, I end up disliking myself more, I guess because I keep failing. I hate failure in myself, and I keep failing.
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Did you involve someone else in these activities? How long did you do these activities and how high did you set your goals?
 
NeOak said:
Did you involve someone else in these activities? How long did you do these activities and how high did you set your goals?
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No. It was just for me.

I think I went for months once, doing the whole I'm-pretty-I'm-smart-I'm-worth-it mantra, and it worked for a bit, and then something screwed it up. I generally just set "I want to be normal" as a goal. I've never hit that.
 
Leeness said:
No. It was just for me.

I think I went for months once, doing the whole I'm-pretty-I'm-smart-I'm-worth-it mantra, and it worked for a bit, and then something screwed it up. I generally just set "I want to be normal" as a goal. I've never hit that.
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Sometimes having someone you trust keep checking your progress helps. Was that screw up your fault or someone elses? As for the goal, did you ever try "I just want to feel happy with myself"?
 
NeOak said:
Sometimes having someone you trust keep checking your progress helps. Was that screw up your fault or someone elses? As for the goal, did you ever try "I just want to feel happy with myself"?
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I don't really want to burden my family or friends with my problems much. This is why I turn to the internet, haha.

I don't remember what it was. It was probably something stupid and little, but it screwed up whatever I had going.

No... my goal is usually just to be a normal person. :(
 
Leenes you must come off as really standoffish if you're having trouble find a guy, thats the only explanation. Focus on fixing that more than anything and you'll be fine. Luckily for you guys are easy and dumb, if your interested in a guy just smile at him and laugh at what he says, its really that simple. If a guy doesn't respond to that he's either taken or scared.
 
Leeness said:
I don't really want to burden my family or friends with my problems much. This is why I turn to the internet, haha.

I don't remember what it was. It was probably something stupid and little, but it screwed up whatever I had going.

No... my goal is usually just to be a normal person. :(
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This is what your family and friends are there for, though. You don't have to tell them anything you're uncomfortable with divulging, but believe me I know how good it feels to have someone you can talk to about important things. GAF is fuckin' awesome, but it can't replace a family member or a good friend.
 
masud said:
Leenes you must come off as really standoffish if you're having trouble find a guy, thats the only explanation. Focus on fixing that more than anything and you'll be fine. Luckily for you guys are easy and dumb, if your interested in a guy just smile at him and laugh at what he says, its really that simple. If a guy doesn't respond to that he's either taken or scared.
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Or she's surrounded by stupid guys.
 
Leeness said:
I don't really want to burden my family or friends with my problems much. This is why I turn to the internet, haha.

I don't remember what it was. It was probably something stupid and little, but it screwed up whatever I had going.

No... my goal is usually just to be a normal person. :(
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Look Leeness, you sound like an attractive fun filled woman. Here's the issue. Your body language is everything. How do you present yourself when out in bars, ect. where other men are? Do you give signs like gently touching his arm when you laugh at one of his jokes?

For me, I find that the subtle things are everything in finding a compatible S.O. Perhaps as someone said above you are putting off an aura.

Confidence, confidence, confidence. Your body language will give it right away if you aren't feeling it.
 
As a guy, I've met a lot of stupid guys.

I can be pretty thickheaded sometimes, but I like to think I'm honest and I try hard when there's something I love, at least.
 
zethren said:
This is what your family and friends are there for, though. You don't have to tell them anything you're uncomfortable with divulging, but believe me I know how good it feels to have someone you can talk to about important things. GAF is fuckin' awesome, but it can't replace a family member or a good friend.
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I find it easier to talk more in depth with people I can't see. :/ My friends are more for when I'm blue and just need someone to sit with and eat ice cream and watch a movie with.

The_Inquisitor said:
Look Leeness, you sound like an attractive fun filled woman. Here's the issue. Your body language is everything. How do you present yourself when out in bars, ect. where other men are? Do you give signs like gently touching his arm when you laugh at one of his jokes?

For me, I find that the subtle things are everything in finding a compatible S.O. Perhaps as someone said above you are putting off an aura.

Confidence, confidence, confidence. Your body language will give it right away if you aren't feeling it.
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I don't go to bars, just coffee shops or things like that. Men don't talk to me, haha. So I really don't get any interaction. All my friends talk about how "oh man, we were just sitting there and these guys just started hitting on us!". Never happens to me. I once got into a conversation with a man at a coffee shop who was like...60 or so. Only old men like to talk to me haha. Work, though, I'm pretty good at it (people in general though). I smile, I laugh, if I feel like the customer won't feel weird, I might either pat them on the shoulder or something. I dunno.
 
Leeness said:
I don't really want to burden my family or friends with my problems much. This is why I turn to the internet, haha.

I don't remember what it was. It was probably something stupid and little, but it screwed up whatever I had going.

No... my goal is usually just to be a normal person. :(
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Forgive me if what i'm going to say bothers you, but you are afraid of letting someone in. You're afraid of showing how weak you "are" according to what you believe. The internet is just a way to escape. Have you sought professional help then?

It wasn't stupid and little, otherwise it wouldn't have stopped you on your tracks. Or it was, and you just used it as an excuse.

That goal is wrong. What is "normal"? It's just what other people say to be accepted in society. The fact that you are able to talk with people and smile, even if its fake, is proof that you are normal. Have you ever thought that you actually are normal "enough"?

Leeness said:
I find it easier to talk more in depth with people I can't see. :/ My friends are more for when I'm blue and just need someone to sit with and eat ice cream and watch a movie with.
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Have you tried talking to them about this while not seeing them? Phone? IM? Facebook?

Leeness said:
I don't go to bars, just coffee shops or things like that. Men don't talk to me, haha. So I really don't get any interaction. All my friends talk about how "oh man, we were just sitting there and these guys just started hitting on us!". Never happens to me. I once got into a conversation with a man at a coffee shop who was like...60 or so. Only old men like to talk to me haha. Work, though, I'm pretty good at it (people in general though). I smile, I laugh, if I feel like the customer won't feel weird, I might either pat them on the shoulder or something. I dunno.
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One word: Aura. I'm not kidding. And the older men do it because they want a new, easy to manipulate toy.
 
Leeness said:
I find it easier to talk more in depth with people I can't see. :/ My friends are more for when I'm blue and just need someone to sit with and eat ice cream and watch a movie with.



I don't go to bars, just coffee shops or things like that. Men don't talk to me, haha. So I really don't get any interaction. All my friends talk about how "oh man, we were just sitting there and these guys just started hitting on us!". Never happens to me. I once got into a conversation with a man at a coffee shop who was like...60 or so. Only old men like to talk to me haha. Work, though, I'm pretty good at it (people in general though). I smile, I laugh, if I feel like the customer won't feel weird, I might either pat them on the shoulder or something. I dunno.
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Why not hit a bar with some friends?
 
NeOak said:
Forgive me if what i'm going to say bothers you, but you are afraid of letting someone in. You're afraid of showing how weak you "are" according to what you believe. The internet is just a way to escape. Have you sought professional help then?

It wasn't stupid and little, otherwise it wouldn't have stopped you on your tracks. Or it was, and you just used it as an excuse.

That goal is wrong. What is "normal"? It's just what other people say to be accepted in society. The fact that you are able to talk with people and smile, even if its fake, is proof that you are normal. Have you ever thought that you actually are normal "enough"?

Have you tried talking to them about this while not seeing them? Phone? IM? Facebook?
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I probably am. I dunno. I just don't want to burden people I know with it much. Sometimes if I get chatty about it (like I have been on here), I'll just word vomit at a friend over IM, but generally, I don't like to. I feel bad about it.

I haven't tried to go see a therapist. So expensive and it would probably take years because I don't even know why I'm like this. I have a loving family, great parents, some good close friends. I'm the only problem.

Ugh. I'm really derailing this thread. Sorry. I should post things like this over in the depression thread, I suppose.

Log4Girlz said:
Why not hit a bar with some friends?
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I don't like drinking and no one would talk to me anyway.
 
Leeness said:
I probably am. I dunno. I just don't want to burden people I know with it much. Sometimes if I get chatty about it (like I have been on here), I'll just word vomit at a friend over IM, but generally, I don't like to. I feel bad about it.

I haven't tried to go see a therapist. So expensive and it would probably take years because I don't even know why I'm like this. I have a loving family, great parents, some good close friends. I'm the only problem.

Ugh. I'm really derailing this thread. Sorry. I should post things like this over in the depression thread, I suppose.
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Quick question that has 0 to do with your physical appearance. Do you do any sort of exercising on a weekly basis (at least 3x a week).

If you don't give it a try. You'll understand why later. Working out generally gives a person a huge boost of confidence. It part of the reason I was able to finally become confident in myself a few years back.

Oh, and if you didn't notice there are lots of men in this thread talking to you. So I guess it's not impossible huh?
 
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