Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Jermaine Dupri got Janet Jackson. You guys are being fucking ridiculous.
Omegasquash
Member
Let's stop the madness, Dating-Age GAF. Focusing on looks is a one way trip to stayinginthebasementandcryingwhileyouwankitville.
Can you get in shape? Sure, just do the best you can. Should you feel like that's the main thing holding you back?
Fuck no.
That shit is icing on a cake, no more, no less. Icing helps cakes get eaten, sure, but at the end of the day I could literally mold clay into the shape of a cake and put icing on it, and after one bite most people would spit it out and walk away. I say most because some people will do anything to make the world think that they made the right decision.
Most people will spit that shit out because it tastes like just that: shit. The biggest thing you'll get from improving your looks through working out is health.
What needs to change, before anything else, is that mindset that you're not in control of your relationship/sex/dating life. You are the only thing that's holding you back, and for anyone out there working the floor and cleaning up, you know damn well that it's far and away your outlook and mentality that make the difference.
Seriously people, I feel you on not feeling like you look good. I really do. But from the second that I stopped focusing on that, I (almost literally) haven't been single a day, and most of them were somewhat long term relationships. Starting when I was a 95 lb weakling at the ripe age of 19.
Don't listen to other people when they bag on you for your looks. They're assholes, and you don't want any part of them. What you want a part of is a good time, a positive lifestyle and looking out for number one. Christ.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
This is going in my folder of permanent mental notes.
EVERY SINGLE DAY I see completely average/below average-looking dudes with above average/hot girls. EVERY DAY.
you know your vibe is good by the way both men and women treat you.
just 20 minutes ago, I was walking in a hallway with a door. A chick was a good 10 feet past the door already. She saw me and Walked back to the door, and opened it for me.
When I drive, people let me pass, give me the right away......whatever you can think of, 100% of the time.
and that's just a small taste of what happens to you.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I'm already more stylish than the common man, I post in Manshion because I've always had a passion for fashion. I have a normal build right now. Most would call it a lanky type of build (think of a pudgier kevin durant) so I would like to put on mass and get lean to the point that you can see definition. I'm doing voice exercises but a voice coach would be something I wouldn't mind looking into.
You guys talking about attitude is everything got a point but surely there's more.
Tell me more about these Jedi powers.
You can wear the most stylish clothes and have the leanest body, if you don't have the fitting attitude and character you are just wearing an empty shell and people (especially women) can see that immediately.
You're approaching "bettering yourself" as way too much of a logical thing when it's more about a feeling.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I only brought it up because his looks are an issue he brings up a lot.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I've mentioned this before but while my personality is far from great it's not bad enough to warrant the kind of reactions I get from people. Especially when the reaction comes before I finish one sentence. For the most part I'm just being me but in this world people are quick to judge. You would be more than surprised by the things I've been called in the last year alone and how much I get clowned on.
I just am not too fond of posting a picture, because I don't like putting my face out there on the internet, plus people knowing who I am, etc. I really want to, to show all you guys and help you understand, but I can't bring myself to do it though.
Now, in your case, was the girl attractive to you? Just because she was teased earlier on, doesn't mean she couldn't have blossomed into a beautiful person, as it happens all the time. I've known girls who weren't exactly cute back in school, but by the time we reached high-school, or college, they were amazingly attractive. Also, I'm not saying that her intelligence or character doesn't make her much more attractive to you, I'm just saying that in most cases, that's not what initially attracts you to someone that you wish to have a relationship with.
Also, I would like to say that I never talk about this stuff with anybody else in real life. Fuck, I would never do that, nor even hint at it. That's one of the reasons I'm so hesitant to post any sort of picture, because then people may see me and know who I am, especially know what I think of myself from earlier posts in this thread. Wouldn't help anything. So anyway, I'm not sure why any woman would find me unattractive due to personality, or the way I act if I give off positive vibes.
I don't know what to do to keep pushing forward. I feel like I've tried pushing and pushing over the years, and while I could use tools to perhaps ease the process, such as working out and becoming fit, I just couldn't get the boulder over the hill, or anywhere near the fucking hill actually.
She wasn't that attractive in my eyes at the start. Thats the point. We kept hanging out/talking and as I got to know her, she became beautiful to me. So thats why I said 1+1 doesn't always equal 2. Attraction certainly grows. It sure as hell did in my case.
Have you tried the online dating route? You mentioned now making the first move lately or something along those lines. POF/okcupid could be practice.
Honestly, no I never have tried it. It's not that I look down on it, but I just don't think it's for me...or at least I don't think it would work with me.
Also, people were saying that I should make the first move, while I was saying that I felt making any move would likely be futile if I can tell from the vibes women give me.
Saying that you don't think anything would work for you, not doing anything, and then complaining on the internet about how you don't get dates seems like the worst way to get one.
Omegasquash
Member
Give it a whirl, you never know until you try. Which is also applicable to the vibes thing. As you try, you'll fail. Learn from them, make improvements. It takes time, acceptance of some things and outright rejection of others. But if you start taking steps, you will eventually end up where you want to be.
It's not that simple. It's not even dates or anything, I can just tell that I'm not very attractive at all and it sucks. It makes a person want to go out less even. I'm not trying to complain, but it's all I can do I guess in this case. I know at the end of the day I can't change the way I look, without something drastic like surgery, but it's still nice to just say "shit sucks" once in a while I guess.
I've come to accept that I'm not attractive to most women, or at least nearly any woman that I would find attractive. I don't know what to improve, as I was physically fit, a nice guy, funny, and had a great personality. I guess I could just go out and start asking women out, but I know it's going to crash and burn; dead on arrival in most cases.
Well now is a good time as any to try.
Okcupid Thread : http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=463965
okcupid.com
pof.com
Thread provides some good input. It certainly is a numbers game so don't get discourage if you don't get a reply from a few send outs. Its a new age, people certainly meet on the internet. Even a good few gaf members have met their significant others on those sites. Even more so, having friends who had luck. Make a profile, and post it on the thread for people to give you advice on it. Leave a picture out if you want and upload one after you get input on the actual profile.
I was considering carpentry.
I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable going down that road. To me, and this is just me, it just feels like it would be artificial. I'd rather not try and try to trick someone into being interested in me with a sly picture that makes me look good, or something.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
How would that be any different from meeting somebody in person and putting a brave and charming face on to try and talk to her? Best foot forward and all that jazz.
Omegasquash
Member
See bolded. The more you believe it, the more it shows. If you've accepted your situation, then that sucks. If you don't like your situation, then that mentality is precisely what's stopping you from achieving your goals.
Yeah, you'll fail in MOST CASES. Dudes with a backlog of women on GAF probably fail in most cases. They also likely shrug it off, move on to the next, and revel in the victory, forgetting the failures. Name me one dude aside from a Hollywood hotshit that seals the deal with 51% of women than he approaches, and I'll be awed.
Alright then, good luck
. You're young, you're suppose to be open to things. People have had positive experiences with online dating, as well as bad. I certainly think its worth a shot. Just read the whole thread and you'll see. You say its artificial and that you don't want to hook someone in due to a sly picture. But its also possible that you could hook someone in that just found you be interesting, someone thats worth a shot, just by seeing what you had to say in your profile. If you want to keep on with that mindset then I hope it all works out .You are hiding so much about yourself in hopes to attract someone. Yes, I understand people do that when trying to attract someone in person, but it's usual emotional or personality things. When online, your physical appearance can be a complete farce, not to mention all the rest of your traits that you can also fake in person. I don't need to try and fool a woman to date me...well, I mean I probably do, but I don't want to; I don't need to see the disappointment on their face.
Like I said, I'm not trying to talk down on it, but I just don't think it's for me.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Truth! It's a personality thing. Shy people generally take a failure and focus on it and lock themselves up. Others will shrug it off and keep trying.
After all, you know what you want for your life. Why would you stop just because someone who likely isn't what you want said no?
I don't know what to do, because I can't fool myself into believing otherwise. If the sky is blue, then it's blue. I won't fool myself into becoming one of those people that delude themselves into thinking they're a ladies man, when in fact they're just a loser.
Alright then, good luck
I guess, and I'm not saying it can't work, it works all the time apparently, but I don't think it's something I'd enjoy. I'm pretty open and willing with most things, but I just never really ever thought that I'd have to date online. It just wasn't something I was interested in I guess.
I'm not shy though. That's the thing, that's the fucking worst part about this. I'm not shy, I was always popular in school, I've always been told I was funny, I've been told I was nice, I was great, blah-blah-blah-blah. But when it came down to women showing interest, I was never on anyone's list, rather I'd sit back and see other people become happy. It sounds bitter as fuck, and it probably is, but I'm not going to lie, no point.
I know what I want, but I'm not going to delude myself. I know women don't want me. And it sucks, because like I said, I've been told I'm a great person, and I'm in shape, but I have no fucking idea what to do from here. I've exhausted all available options, and nothing seems to fucking work.
Just a thought guys - when you invest too much of your time thinking about your looks or whether you will ever get a girl or something - how about giving it a rest and pursuing something else, for a while?
I know we all crave physical intimacy, but a simple way of thinking would be to turn your mind off dating prospects and focusing on what you truly love and can achieve success in. Lets say for a while you say "Fuck it. I'm ugly as fuck so I might as well deal with it. But I'm still hell-of a employee/artist/brother/son/friend/human being". This way you will be able to fulfill one thing in life - increasing your self-worth at doing best at what you do.
I guarantee you that when you go from success to success and actually are able to achieve results, people will be attracted and interested in you. You won't have to be the best looking person to be the best at what you are. This is a very attractive quality, because your perception of life will change for the positive and you will feel like you are gaining purpose in life beyond relationships... and when you least expect it - someone will admire you for it.
Let success run after you, rather than you run after it. Everything will become better.
I know we all crave physical intimacy, but a simple way of thinking would be to turn your mind off dating prospects and focusing on what you truly love and can achieve success in. Lets say for a while you say "Fuck it. I'm ugly as fuck so I might as well deal with it. But I'm still hell-of a employee/artist/brother/son/friend/human being". This way you will be able to fulfill one thing in life - increasing your self-worth at doing best at what you do.
I guarantee you that when you go from success to success and actually are able to achieve results, people will be attracted and interested in you. You won't have to be the best looking person to be the best at what you are. This is a very attractive quality, because your perception of life will change for the positive and you will feel like you are gaining purpose in life beyond relationships... and when you least expect it - someone will admire you for it.
Let success run after you, rather than you run after it. Everything will become better.
I've invited him to my funeral.
I've tried this though. I did this with working out; trying to get as strong and get my body as great looking as possible, and then I tried with my college-work, and I've gotten absolutely fantastic grades over the past years. It's like a band-aid though. Even after you work out and have a great time, there's always the bus ride home, and there's always a cute girl that reminds you. It's hard to just forget it all.
I don't really have a high self-worth. I've tried improving myself in areas as mentioned, but at the end of the day, a lot of the time I still feel like shit. Not sure how to change that though.
I actually am, I'm not really like this in life. I don't talk all correctly and proper, or even text that way like I do on here. I'm not like super-uptight and shitty about everything. I can't really express that though, but you can take my word for it if you even care.
Now would you be buried within a coffin, or just carved into one?
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Izick, you're contradicting yourself.
You say you're funny, smart, popular, relatively fit. Yet women aren't attracted to you.
However, you refuse to pretend to be someone else to attract women. So what would this "someone else" be like? Would a ladies' man be funny, smart, popular, and fit?
You say you're funny, smart, popular, relatively fit. Yet women aren't attracted to you.
However, you refuse to pretend to be someone else to attract women. So what would this "someone else" be like? Would a ladies' man be funny, smart, popular, and fit?
I mean, I'm not going to try and take a picture that hides my face in such a way that makes it appealing. A ladies man is handsome in most cases.
I was hoping people would make smores with my burning corpse.
actually its our funeral. my horroscope says we are going to die in a freak blimp accident.
Are you a cancer?
I don't get this, man. You have a fit body and are doing good in school - which will probably translate to a good job in the future, and yet you don't feel good about yourself?
The cute chick in the bus maybe cute, and has boys falling for her but she might be struggling with a thousand other problems. Who knows. But we do know that you have more right to have a better sense of self-worth because even if your looks are a problem you became the best you could be as a person.
If by all available options, you mean not doing what Omega suggested you do - you go out there, you get over the fact you (to yourself) don't look great or aren't attractive, and you go for it. You screw up, you maybe land a date, then screw that up too, but if you keep trying (and possibly failing, as most relationships do in this life) you WILL find someone who likes you. And you WILL have a good time. How long will it last? Who knows, you will probably get burned pretty badly at some point (most of us do). You don't have to trick yourself into thinking your a ladies man, or label yourself as X Y or Z. You're you. The "ladies man" title seems like something others would see and label you as VS how you think about yourself. Who gives a crap about them, you want a girlfriend - it's up to YOU to get one.
People have been giving you ideas/support/advice continuously and you keep arguing/ignoring/defending your position that you can't do anything, your looks are dooming you to being alone, etc. You have to DO something to see changes in your life. You have to TRY new things even if you don't think they'll work. You have to WORK at it and by the sounds of it, it's going to be a long battle, but you need to start. I really hope at some point you are able to move past the issues you have with your looks. Because from everything else I've read, you can make people laugh, you're in shape, you have a good personality (as people have all told you/you've acknowledged yourself) and that's awesome. You need to do the next big step and that's going for a girl. I wish you all the best. Continuing on discussing how you view yourself is only reinforcing what you already believe to be true. Prove yourself wrong for a change.
I'll take a raincheck on that blimp flight over Tel Aviv.
Thanks
Yeah it's me alright, a few months before this journey started (March 2011 maybe?). I only recently dropped the Kane style a couple of weeks ago though so that look hasn't affected my success rate in a bad way
(of course, I had never been dragged to the toilet before I changed my hair, I suppose)
I want to text her so bad right now but I'm fighting it (it's not the girl in the picture btw, that's just some random girl the guy in a pink shirt and suit tried to pull). Not too sure about posting a picture of her xD Privately perhaps.Come again? xD I might've forgotten about a post somewhere perhaps.The true identity of the batman panty-thief has been revealed!
Its kinda funny, I was pretty certain I had seen a photo of you before. But now I have.
Well depends. Is she a blow up doll?
How much is she charging you?
That's not good enough though. It's obviously not good enough for someone to be attracted to me, and that's my problem here. The girl on the bus likely does have other problems, but when we're talking about attracting others, she is fine in that department apparently. That's my problem. How much to woman (or I guess in college, it's girls) care about grades? Nothing. Now, they do care about physical fitness, but an attractive body is apparently not enough to make up for what's on top of it.
I appreciate all the advice. I don't know what to say. I guess after a while you just feel like you get stuck and you can't get out. I guess I can try and make the first move...but the idea feels so foreign to me, I'm not even sure I know how. Plus, it's not going to be easy just to start doing this out of the blue. I'm not even sure where I'd start either, with friends that are girls, or strangers...it's just a lot to think about...and knowing that it all may likely not be successful isn't helping either.
she's not an escort!!
.... £200 per hour.
Its worth it. Bonus, she will be absolutely fascinated by your addiction to GAF and everything else in your life.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
At least you haven't made first moves and been rejected countless soul shattering times. For all you know you would do alright making the first move.
are you telling me she's going to interested in my anecdotes about dinosaur fossils and jurassic park?
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