Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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You are complicating things. I retract my suggestion to make a joke as you need more work.

Just look and be done with it.

There is nothing wrong with this among normal people.
 
Just look, and if she notices then smile and nod (in the "hey whatsup" manner). As long as you don't make it look like you're a creeper, no harm no foul.
 
Staring is impolite, and it takes more than a moment to register features.

You don't have to stare, if you're really worried, try looking past the girl, look about a bit as if you're expecting someone and then once you've registered what you need to, get your phone out and check the time. Shit is passive GOLD.

No but seriously, you are allowed to look around your surroundings in public and you wont be thought of as creeper that stares at people. Don't worry so much. Besides if she's nice and she clocks you, this is a good time to casually smile.

I wasn't trying to turn around and look at some little girl. We were the only two people there, at very close proximity. So it would be very obvious I was looking at her. And I wasn't trying to do that "walk away then look at her bullshit."

Actually this is kind of the best time to do it anyway. As an example, I was on a train on Tuesday and a girl sat in the seat next to me, as a polite gesture, since we were going to spend the best part of an hour in close proximity, I turned to her and smiled/nodded (had headphones on, so didnt want to open my mouth and shout at her) and then went back to my book. Its weirder to be honest to just tense up and purposefully ignore her.
 
GAF, I just made a huge mistake.
So, I was at a baseball game, leaning on the railing by the stairs. Some girl came up and stood behind me on the opposite side of the railing. Problem was, I couldn't tell her age or attractiveness, because I couldn't tell anything besides that it was (probably) a girl. I tried a quick glance, nothing. And I didn't want to stare, so I couldn't do much more than that.

So I look down and see her shoes, assume that my initial assumption was right - she's a girl. I'm thinking of saying something to hee about the game, but nothing interesting happened after that.

Game ends, and I walk away. I look back and not only does she look around my age, but she's also pretty cute. Fuck me.

Tips on how to find out what a person behind you looks like?

My dude, Joker it’s not that difficult man. You could’ve turned around and asked her what the time was, what team she was rooting for. You could have even asked her why the fuck she was standing so close to you if you really wanted to be an ass. (Don’t do that). Of all the things to worry about, turning around and looking at a girl isn’t one of them.

GAF, I just made a huge mistake.

No you didn't, it's not that serious.
 
My dude, Joker it’s not that difficult man. You could’ve turned around and asked her what the time was, what team she was rooting for. You could have even asked her why the fuck she was standing so close to you if you really wanted to be an ass. (Don’t do that). Of all the things to worry about, turning around and looking at a girl isn’t one of them.
Exactly!

You don't just ogle at them Joker. In that situation, you check them out, and if you like what you see, you make a comment. It's easy as pie because of the proximity, and it doesn't matter what you say as long as there's some way to break the ice.

If the game is boring, make her crack a smile by going, "Man, this has got me on the edge of my seat." Likewise, if it's a thrilling game you can just comment on it. "Wow! How do you think this one's gonna turn out?!"
 
So is putting words in another's mouth.

I never said anything about "staring."

Stop trying to defend your social phobia.

I don't have one. It's just that I'd rather not appear as creepy to women. That helps me none.

You don't have to stare, if you're really worried, try looking past the girl, look about a bit as if you're expecting someone and then once you've registered what you need to, get your phone out and check the time. Shit is passive GOLD.

No but seriously, you are allowed to look around your surroundings in public and you wont be thought of as creeper that stares at people. Don't worry so much. Besides if she's nice and she clocks you, this is a good time to casually smile.

Actually this is kind of the best time to do it anyway. As an example, I was on a train on Tuesday and a girl sat in the seat next to me, as a polite gesture, since we were going to spend the best part of an hour in close proximity, I turned to her and smiled/nodded (had headphones on, so didnt want to open my mouth and shout at her) and then went back to my book. Its weirder to be honest to just tense up and purposefully ignore her.

I don't tense up, and acknowledgement wouldn't have hurt, but the first time I saw her was in the corner of my eye. I was leaning back on the railing, looking to the side and she came up and did the same. She didn't turn forwards until later.

Joker learn how to glance at people, don't bore a hole through their heads.

I did glance - I learned that I suck at it. I couldn't tell anything about her from the glance. Hell, I actually established more from the corner of my eye.

My dude, Joker it’s not that difficult man. You could’ve turned around and asked her what the time was, what team she was rooting for. You could have even asked her why the fuck she was standing so close to you if you really wanted to be an ass. (Don’t do that). Of all the things to worry about, turning around and looking at a girl isn’t one of them.

No you didn't, it's not that serious.

I knew what team she was rooting for - we cheered at the same time.

And I know; hyperbole.

A glance and a smile.

Maybe, but she'd been there for a while before she turned forwards.

Exactly!

You don't just ogle at them Joke. In that situation, you check them out, and if you like what you see, you make a comment. It's easy as pie because of the proximity, and it doesn't matter what you say as long as there's some way to break the ice.

If the game is boring, make her crack a smile by going, "Man, this has got me on the edge of my seat." Likewise, if it's a thrilling game you can just comment on it. "Wow! How do you think this one's gonna turn out?!"

I can dig that. Noting for the future (I'm going to another game next week, this time with some friends - in case you're wondering, I went with my family, but they went off with some friends of theirs and it was raining, so I stood just under the roof/stairs.

Sometimes you'll just look creepy but what you gonna do? Stare at the floor instead of make eye contact? Yeah that'll help.

I can totally make eye contact during a conversation - it's one of my best areas of improvement. And if it gets awkward, just look off to the side for a second or two, as if you're thinking. Easy, fluid.

Or you can just turn around, look at her, and turn back around. What's she gonna do?

Doesn't matter what she does. I take pride in keepin' from creepin'. And, as one can infer from the word "creep," it would end up making the girl uncomfortable. I didn't want to do anything until I could judge her age or attractiveness. If she was too young... that would be... unfortunate.
 
I don't act weird, though (or at least I don't think I do). I ignore them unless they're talking to me.

Which reminds me of how much I sucked since elementary school. Funny stories, there.

EDIT: Well that's just acting weird on the inside. So long as I don't display it, I'm good. I just don't want to creep out (and subsequently scare) any woman, particularly if I don't know her age.
 
GAF, I just made a huge mistake.
So, I was at a baseball game, leaning on the railing by the stairs. Some girl came up and stood behind me on the opposite side of the railing. Problem was, I couldn't tell her age or attractiveness, because I couldn't tell anything besides that it was (probably) a girl. I tried a quick glance, nothing. And I didn't want to stare, so I couldn't do much more than that.

So I look down and see her shoes, assume that my initial assumption was right - she's a girl. I'm thinking of saying something to hee about the game, but nothing interesting happened after that.

Game ends, and I walk away. I look back and not only does she look around my age, but she's also pretty cute. Fuck me.

Tips on how to find out what a person behind you looks like?



Oh man, you can tell when some one is beside you. As you glance over just say something. "Pretty good game" or something that relates to whats going on. You break the ice, get a look at her and leave an opening for conversation.

Just my two cents.
 
EDIT: Well that's just acting weird on the inside. So long as I don't display it, I'm good. I just don't want to creep out (and subsequently scare) any woman, particularly if I don't know her age.
Women have x-ray vision, and can easily tell when something is up "on the inside." It really is like a sixth sense to them.
 
JokerOfSpades whatever you do, do not look a girl directly in the eyes. This will trigger her fight or flight response and you will surely never have another opportunity again.
 
Yeah, I've definitely got to stay positive and cheer up!

It's always something so small that just puts a downer on me, but I have certainly been feeling happier recently (not sure why).

The job is only freelance, so at the moment I'm only working next week, but I'm sure I'll meet some cool people!

Also you worked 40 hours a week along with college? Fuck. Good to hear your social life is better now!


Least its something. I still haven't seen my neighbor. Didn't forget about that one.

Yea ... sucked a bunch. Grades suffered heavily because of it too. Oh well, luckily it didn't impact me too much and I go where I am today without it being an issue.
 
I threw my ipod in a river. That was a mistake huh.
Something I've learned:

When you are drunk/stoned don't go on the internet. If you're drunk/stoned by yourself, hide your phone, your ipod, don't go on irc, forums, etc. Either play a videogame or watch a movie or go be drunk/high with friends.

Having any form of communication to the world is just Bad News.
 
Girl came up to me in the parking lot yesterday. She's part of an auto repair business. Said that she could fix the cracks in my windshield for free since my insurance plan covered it (it did, I talked to my insurance company...wouldn't raise my rates)

I thought she was cute. Got her number via the paperwork I received when we finished the business.

Since I'm probably never gonna see her again, should I txt her and ask her out? It didn't seem like I'd had an opportunity in person since I was with my uncle and we were going to see a film.

The interaction itself seemed pretty great, but I also realize that she's paid in part to be nice to clients and also who knows what she thought from her side of the story.
 
Just got back. Definitely was not feeling it at all. I'm not quite she felt about it, she mentioned she was kind of nervous since she hadn't been on a date in about a year.

Her only picture on the site was kind of misleading. She was overweight (but I've seen way worse), and on top of that was kind of a "butterface". She seemed kind of boring and not really my type. She seemed to like me, and of course I was nice. I wanted to bug out after dinner, but we ended up going for ice cream, and then walking around in the game store next door to the ice cream place for a few minutes.

So I guess my next question is: If it ever comes to it, how do I let her down gently? Obviously if she doesn't bother trying to contact me, I guess I don't really need to do anything, but even then I might feel bad about just leaving it with nothing.

lol doesn't butterface mean "everything but the face"? Being overweight contradicts that? Unless she was 'nice curvy' I guess.

Anyway, if she contacts you just make excuses you're busy. If she doesn't get the hint eventually, just tell her flat out. Either by text, e-mail, whatever. You're not feeling her, so don't put any effort into putting her down 'easy', as you could just be leading her on unintentionally.

Girl came up to me in the parking lot yesterday. She's part of an auto repair business. Said that she could fix the cracks in my windshield for free since my insurance plan covered it (it did, I talked to my insurance company...wouldn't raise my rates)

I thought she was cute. Got her number via the paperwork I received when we finished the business.

Since I'm probably never gonna see her again, should I txt her and ask her out? It didn't seem like I'd had an opportunity in person since I was with my uncle and we were going to see a film.

The interaction itself seemed pretty great, but I also realize that she's paid in part to be nice to clients and also who knows what she thought from her side of the story.

Normally I'd put business-esque girls aside, but whatever you said you had some good vibes, so just call her. Make up an excuse to call her, like you have a friend who's windshield is broken or whatever and want to discuss rates, then just see if she wants to grab some jello or whatever. Don't make a big deal out of it, and don't fret if she says no.
 
Girl came up to me in the parking lot yesterday. She's part of an auto repair business. Said that she could fix the cracks in my windshield for free since my insurance plan covered it (it did, I talked to my insurance company...wouldn't raise my rates)

I thought she was cute. Got her number via the paperwork I received when we finished the business.

Since I'm probably never gonna see her again, should I txt her and ask her out? It didn't seem like I'd had an opportunity in person since I was with my uncle and we were going to see a film.

The interaction itself seemed pretty great, but I also realize that she's paid in part to be nice to clients and also who knows what she thought from her side of the story.

Well if you felt there was more to it hit her up. I'd call her since she probably deals with a bunch ofeople, but be warned it will likely not end well she's was at work selling stuff.
 
I think she definitely remembers me. Made a comment about my name. Everyone does, it's uncommon (maybe even holographic rare).

And no, it's not Gaylord.
 
Normally I'd put business-esque girls aside, but whatever you said you had some good vibes, so just call her. Make up an excuse to call her, like you have a friend who's windshield is broken or whatever and want to discuss rates, then just see if she wants to grab some jello or whatever. Don't make a big deal out of it, and don't fret if she says no.

No. Dont lie about some fake excuse. Be honest. Just tell her you'd like to see if she'd want to get a bite to eat. Just be relaxed and non chelont about it. If she sas no, no harm nofoul. But don't lie to her as it will be obvious after you ask her out.

Remember: NEITHER OVER COMPLICATE NOR OVER EXPLAIN.
 
I don't act weird, though (or at least I don't think I do). I ignore them unless they're talking to me.

Which reminds me of how much I sucked since elementary school. Funny stories, there.

EDIT: Well that's just acting weird on the inside. So long as I don't display it, I'm good. I just don't want to creep out (and subsequently scare) any woman, particularly if I don't know her age.

If you overthink it, any woman will know. It's not difficult to see. The very fact that you are overthinking this so much and are so concerned with how a stranger will feel if you ... look at them will come across much more creepy than actually looking at them.

You are standing over the rail and notice someone next to you.
You look up and see its a cute chick (not looking at her for minutes)
You decide you want to say something
You look back up and say 'hey, pretty good game so far' or 'hopefully so and so team pulls it off'.

BOOM. Conversation started and you go from there. It isn't difficult. You're making it difficult by overanalyzing and overthinking it. She is a woman. She has been hit on one way or another most likely for many years. It isn't going to shock her that someone at a baseball game says hello to her.
 
I gotta agree with clovis

if you can't look over your shoulder to see who's there because of 081gbaofgsa08gb1o4v9vafvgboi1gvahfbjnagkbpoji9*@Y$*GB!, you're probably overthinking a lot of shit.

And you don't need an excuse to call someone. To start a conversation with a stranger? Sure. But if she's already given you a number don't waste your time and their own by playing bullshit games.
 
On my 3am walk home I stopped off at a hotdog stand and bought some nourishment and continued my walk. I came across a group of girls waiting for a taxi and this extremely cute girl goes to me "I love your jumper" so I engaged in conversation. They were eating some pide and I mentioned that and cute girl asks me what I'm eating so I reply "well I stopped at the hotdog stand and saw they had chillie dogs so I ordered two of them bec..."

"SONIC EATS CHILLIEDOGS!" she interjects.

I instantly fell in love. Is this enough to get me into creepy Sonic fan circles?
 
On my 3am walk home I stopped off at a hotdog stand and bought some nourishment and continued my walk. I came across a group of girls waiting for a taxi and this extremely cute girl goes to me "I love your jumper" so I engaged in conversation. They were eating some pide and I mentioned that and cute girl asks me what I'm eating so I reply "well I stopped at the hotdog stand and saw they had chillie dogs so I ordered two of them bec..."

"SONIC EATS CHILLIEDOGS!" she interjects.

I instantly fell in love. Is this enough to get me into creepy Sonic fan circles?

And you didnt say "want to taste one of my dogs?" for shame.
 
On my 3am walk home I stopped off at a hotdog stand and bought some nourishment and continued my walk. I came across a group of girls waiting for a taxi and this extremely cute girl goes to me "I love your jumper" so I engaged in conversation. They were eating some pide and I mentioned that and cute girl asks me what I'm eating so I reply "well I stopped at the hotdog stand and saw they had chillie dogs so I ordered two of them bec..."

"SONIC EATS CHILLIEDOGS!" she interjects.

I instantly fell in love. Is this enough to get me into creepy Sonic fan circles?

Never would have saw that one coming.
 
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