Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Which reminds me of how I need an interesting shirt.

None of my shirts really say anything because I don't care for them to. No bands, no jokes - nothing like that.
I try getting more shirts these days that I don't find bland. This shirt got me a big taste of a free rum coke mint drink last night. Close to 10 different people made some kind of positive comment on it. Always funny when people try to be clever and say "hmm, I get the feeling you like *band x*" xD
 
I try getting more shirts these days that I don't find bland. This shirt got me a big taste of a free rum coke mint drink last night. Close to 10 different people made some kind of positive comment on it. Always funny when people try to be clever and say "hmm, I get the feeling you like *band x*" xD

Mm. Problem is I'm not big into bands these days. I've no idea what type of shirt I could get...
 
Anyone here have input on rejecting a girl?

Fat chick (only specifying that she's fat because that's primarily the reason I didn't wanna go with her) invited me to coffee on facebook. So I told her that "I was sorry but I wasn't interested, unless she was wanting to go just as friends to chill". I've known her for a long time since elementary school.

I don't like being led on by girls so I just gave it to her straight so it wouldn't be like I was leading her on, but could I have handled this in a better, more sensitive fashion?
 
Gambit shirt?

I try not to show much geekiness as is.

Anyone here have input on rejecting a girl?

Fat chick (only specifying that she's fat because that's primarily the reason I didn't wanna go with her) invited me to coffee on facebook. So I told her that "I was sorry but I wasn't interested, unless she was wanting to go just as friends to chill". I've known her for a long time since elementary school.

I don't like being led on by girls so I just gave it to her straight so it wouldn't be like I was leading her on, but could I have handled this in a better, more sensitive fashion?

You were sure that she was asking you out? If so, you should have stopped at "interested."
 
Shy/sensitive/introverted guys please avert your eyes.

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I agree with the message, but fucking bullshit man.

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I agree with the message, but fucking bullshit man.

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It's the quotes. It causes it to look for those words together in a sentence. You searching it without the quotes means you just found the four words separately.

You must become stronger in Google-Fu, my son.
 
I see. I stand corrected then. I guess nobody has ever uttered "I hate assertive men" on the internet in the history of its existence then.
 
I try not to show much geekiness as is.

I'd go for a subtle geeky shirt that still looks 'normal' but someone who recognizes the reference would get it. Like the type on lastexittonowhere.

Probably not a good idea to completely hide your geekiness. You don't want to end up feeling you have to hide part of who you are to be with a girl. Much better you meet a girl who points at your Nostromo shirt and says "Awesome, I love Alien!" and get talking about things in a more relaxed, fun, mutual manner.
 
I see. I stand corrected then. I guess nobody has ever uttered "I hate assertive men" on the internet in the history of its existence then.

I just thought it was funny. But yeah, there are no Google results for the exact phrase "i hate assertive men".

But at least there are 2 results for "i don't like assertive men" :)
 
The thing is, I never, and the Rock means never, bring up anything nerdy in conversations, nor when they are brought up, I never go into detail about them. I won't deny I like something, but the flaw of the nerd is that they are too passionate, and they love to over-explain things to the layman. Go into too much detail.

I would never wear a geeky shirt either, as that seems like it'd already be shooting down any possible slim chances I may have had at the start.

I just thought it was funny. But yeah, there are no Google results for the exact phrase "i hate assertive men".

But at least there are 2 results for "i don't like assertive men" :)

I agree with the sentiment, I just think it's a poor way of expressing it though.
 
I'd go for a subtle geeky shirt that still looks 'normal' but someone who recognizes the reference would get it. Like the type on lastexittonowhere.

Probably not a good idea to completely hide your geekiness. You don't want to end up feeling you have to hide part of who you are to be with a girl. Much better you meet a girl who points at your Nostromo shirt and says "Awesome, I love Alien!" and get talking about things in a more relaxed, fun, mutual manner.

Funny that you mention Alien. I have this shirt

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and it has been a conversation starter with girls a couple times.
 
I'd go for a subtle geeky shirt that still looks 'normal' but someone who recognizes the reference would get it. Like the type on lastexittonowhere.

Fangamer is good for this for gaming related shirts. Some of the designs are pretty overt, but there's quite a few that are relatively subtle as well.
 
I was a "nice guy" at the bar with my friend last night...a lovely Latin girl with some gorgeous curly hair was standing next to me ordering a drink and I said hello, asked her name and told her she had great hair. We talked no more than 30 seconds but she came back maybe 20min later and put a small sheet of paper with her number on it in my hand.

Another blonde girl gave me her business card later that night after we talked for about an hour about her aspirations for opening a, ahem, unisex underwear store. She asked me if I wanted to "see the product outside" but I wanted no part of it really. Nice girl though.
 
I'd go for a subtle geeky shirt that still looks 'normal' but someone who recognizes the reference would get it. Like the type on lastexittonowhere.

Probably not a good idea to completely hide your geekiness. You don't want to end up feeling you have to hide part of who you are to be with a girl. Much better you meet a girl who points at your Nostromo shirt and says "Awesome, I love Alien!" and get talking about things in a more relaxed, fun, mutual manner.

True, I guess...

Fangamer is good for this for gaming related shirts. Some of the designs are pretty overt, but there's quite a few that are relatively subtle as well.

They don't seem to have that large of a selection, actually. And I realize how many things I only know by way of other people. I don't watch a bunch of movies, for example, so while I get references like HAL and Doc Brown, I've not seen Space Odyssey or Back to the Future (sorry guys).

These are the best I could find:


And #3 isn't my style, I think, #2 seems sorta feminine, and that leaves #1 which may be too... I dunno. Anyone have any other sites or something?
 
Meaning, don't look at this, or you'll see the consensus that women want assertive men, not shy, meek, timid, unassertive ones.

Google hits for "i hate unassertive men" - 1.
Google hits for "i hate shy men" - 781
Google hits for "i hate meek men" - 1
Google hits for "i hate timid men" - 2

fail
 
Google hits for "i hate unassertive men" - 1.
Google hits for "i hate shy men" - 781
Google hits for "i hate meek men" - 1
Google hits for "i hate timid men" - 2

fail

It's because people don't use those adjectives in place of unassertive, and it also goes to show that Google search doesn't really help give a consensus of what a certain group of people think. I used timid and meek, because they were apt for the description, but they're not something that would be used in lieu of unassertive.

By the way, fail? Really? Grow up dude.
 
Having had struggles getting used to being single since my big, huge breakup a year ago, it was just really nice to know that these kinds of things are possible. I never thought that hitting it off with a random very attractive girl at a bar, kissing her, and getting her number all in one night was something that I was capable of. The best part of it was, I didn't have to try to woo her or speak to her in a certain way to get her interested in me. All I did in the beginning is just shoot the shit with her and talk about whatever, and since I was so relaxed, everything came so naturally. I was just myself and a wonderfully attractive girl I had just met was into me.

Excellently done man. Just remember this, and everyone else should take note because this is what is not only possible, but waiting for you out there. You just gotta find the right person(s).

I realize that I can't ask her for her number as she's holding Birthday Girl's hair out of her face

Lol, this seems like a movie scene.

Fuck yeah. Went with a huge group out on the town tonight and successfully picked up two girls. One I drove home cuz she needed a ride; the other one followed me around the bars and danced with me all night long and was sassy the whole time. Great night for my improvement.

Very well done. Dancing in public is something a lot of people in relationships aren't brave enough to do.



Lol "I like shy men" 41,200 results. WHELP
 
it also goes to show that Google search doesn't really help give a consensus of what a certain group of people think.

That's what it boils to. The idea of the original google search was kinda nice, but it doesn't work. In short: a failing.

What I find interesting is that there are at least a few thousands hits on "i hate bald men". I also get almost 10.000 hits on "i hate fat men". Of course, searching for the opposite ("i hate fat women") returns around 3 times as many hits.

In any case, why would anyone even write "i hate XXX men" or anything like that. Being shy just means that you won't talk with as much new people as someone not being shy. Which of course may give that person less possible chances and that's basically it. Shyness stops after getting to know someone normally. And shyness also doesn't mean that a shy person is kind of "weak" or can't stand his ground.
 
I was a "nice guy" at the bar with my friend last night...a lovely Latin girl with some gorgeous curly hair was standing next to me ordering a drink and I said hello, asked her name and told her she had great hair. We talked no more than 30 seconds but she came back maybe 20min later and put a small sheet of paper with her number on it in my hand.

Another blonde girl gave me her business card later that night after we talked for about an hour about her aspirations for opening a, ahem, unisex underwear store. She asked me if I wanted to "see the product outside" but I wanted no part of it really. Nice girl though.

That is the way you do it. As much as people are giving these techniques shit, once you get them down they work.

I thought polo's were considered the way to go, shirt-wise? I don't really wear any, but that's what I've gathered.

I wear polos on 'dates', or a button down, geeky shirts on anything casual.
 
Unless you're in middle school, no. You're setting up a negative pattern and it will ruin all of your future relationships.

Exactly the wrong sort of advice. Give out of your heart, not because you expect anything in return.


lol wut. When women feel secure with you, they stay with you.

I haven't followed since the beginning, but I read his "crush", and assumed it was just some girl he likes, not that they have a relationship. Women want men who can be their rock, not some wimp who will run out and buy them stuff every time they shed a tear for whatever reason, especially when they don't have any type of relationship.

As far as the whole secure part, what you said is true, but buying some corny gift or doing something cheesy for a woman when she's going through a hard time in her life doesn't make her feel "secure", it makes her feel stupid.

If you want to give her the best gift she can have right now, just sit there and fucking listen to her for an hour or two and let her pour her heart out to you without trying to finger her or whatever, and don't offer criticism or advice, just listen and throw in an occasional "Hmm" or "I see".

That's all you need. Keep your money in your wallet, women don't care about gifts for the most part.
 
I haven't followed since the beginning, but I read his "crush", and assumed it was just some girl he likes, not that they have a relationship. Women want men who can be their rock, not some wimp who will run out and buy them stuff every time they shed a tear for whatever reason, especially when they don't have any type of relationship.

As far as the whole secure part, what you said is true, but buying some corny gift or doing something cheesy for a woman when she's going through a hard time in her life doesn't make her feel "secure", it makes her feel stupid.

If you want to give her the best gift she can have right now, just sit there and fucking listen to her for an hour or two and let her pour her heart out to you without trying to finger her or whatever, and don't offer criticism or advice, just listen and throw in an occasional "Hmm" or "I see".

That's all you need. Keep your money in your wallet, women don't care about gifts for the most part.

And fort hose who would want a gift in that situation, you don't want them anyhow.
 
I was a "nice guy" at the bar with my friend last night...a lovely Latin girl with some gorgeous curly hair was standing next to me ordering a drink and I said hello, asked her name and told her she had great hair. We talked no more than 30 seconds but she came back maybe 20min later and put a small sheet of paper with her number on it in my hand.
Feels good man. Some nights the stars really are aligned: You're on your A-game, there are a ton of beautiful girls, and they feed off your vibe and stick with you the whole time.
Another blonde girl gave me her business card later that night after we talked for about an hour about her aspirations for opening a, ahem, unisex underwear store. She asked me if I wanted to "see the product outside" but I wanted no part of it really. Nice girl though.
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Mm. Problem is I'm not big into bands these days. I've no idea what type of shirt I could get...
I love my gaf shirts :) no one gets it but I haven't had a bad night in them. Strong colors, interesting patterns or motives is what I go for these days. Polos can gtfo, I feel enough like a nerd without them.

As for being a nerd/geek, I can get that it's an uncomfortable topic and side to show. I usually get very apprehensive when I have to explain what I'm studying because believe it or not, the stigma is VERY much alive (I've been dumped right in the middle of the last song on the dance floor because of it). With guys I get surprised when they act repulsed, and the other way around with women unfortunately. That's two years of social programming ("Lie about your major, or you won't get laid").
 
Those shirts are awful. Women that like nerds like them because they are passionate about something, not because they are buying into the culture fad.

Also, about the assertiveness - Girls have flirted with me even when I showed no interest. You don't have to be super assertive, although you probably will have to ask for the date.
 
Those shirts are awful. Women that like nerds like them because they are passionate about something, not because they are buying into the culture fad.

Also, about the assertiveness - Girls have flirted with me even when I showed no interest. You don't have to be super assertive, although you probably will have to ask for the date.
You always want what you can't have. Sure, I could've been more assertive last night, but at the same time I started showing way too much interest, and she lost interest and went home ("I have to get up early to go to work").
 
When she comes back, should I invite her one-on-one first, and then if it goes well admit to her that I like her and that I want to be respectful of her break-up but if it's okay that I'd like to see if we could be maybe be more than friends and invite her on another date?

There's this coffee shop that she goes to. I guess we could go there.

Should I be worried about what it'll do for our friendship and mutual friendships if she says no? I don't want things to be awkward afterward.


To update from this....my roommate is dating this girl that I'm interested in's best friend. With just a little bit of casual conversation, he tells me that "apparently"/he thinks this girl likes him, which is causing some kinds of drama because he's already dating her best friend.

This girl is really bad at lying so apparently to him and to his girlfriend, she's having a hard time trying to mask her feelings for him.

It's kind of confusing to me because I could have sworn that maybe she liked me instead.

She's still not back from her 1 month camp, but at this point I'm not sure if I should insist on making a move if she likes my roommate instead and if it's going to cause more weird problems.....what should I do?
 
Those shirts are awful. Women that like nerds like them because they are passionate about something, not because they are buying into the culture fad.

Also, about the assertiveness - Girls have flirted with me even when I showed no interest. You don't have to be super assertive, although you probably will have to ask for the date.
eh

i don't come off like a nerd, but my nerd shirts are awesome

i think the biggest thing with those type of shirts is that some of them simply try too hard to reach everyone outside of their niche. also, a lot of people want to wear that kind of stuff but still don't know how to look comfortable and confident in it.
 
I own several Mega64 shirts and they always get a good reaction because they're super stylized and abstracted from whatever they're actually about. There's also one that just says "HAT" on it and while that's a really specific Mega64 reference most people just think it's being ironic (it's a shirt that says hat, lololol).
 
I own several Mega64 shirts and they always get a good reaction because they're super stylized and abstracted from whatever they're actually about. There's also one that just says "HAT" on it and while that's a really specific Mega64 reference most people just think it's being ironic (it's a shirt that says hat, lololol).
Haha yeah, a class mate has a black tshirt with "PANTS" on them in white. It gets attention at least.
 
I own several Mega64 shirts and they always get a good reaction because they're super stylized and abstracted from whatever they're actually about. There's also one that just says "HAT" on it and while that's a really specific Mega64 reference most people just think it's being ironic (it's a shirt that says hat, lololol).

I bought a Mega64 shirt for a hot girl I was dating, not even really a gamer girl, and she loved it.

But realistically you don't have to be so stealthy about your nerdiness, as long as the shirt is actually cool & to your liking.
 
I never entered this threads before, so hi everybody! A few weeks ago the girl who I've been together for some time dumped me, and yes, the first days were kinda shitty, I didn't want to go out with friends, just stay at home and write (one of my hobbies), but now I'm feeling a little better. Went out with friends almost every day the past week or so (and by going out I don't mean disco and stuff, just going for a few drinks somewhere, gathering in someone's house, etc) and after thinking over and over it, I think that the best I can do now is meeting new people.

The fact is that when I go out I always notice that some girls, not all obviously, but some of them look at me and sometimes they keep staring, like they want me to approach or something. While in some cases it was just my imaginantion, in many others at the end of the night my friends would come and say "wtf dude why did you not talk to her or something?", and I go with a "I don't know". So basically my 'problem' is that often I'm not really sure if I like a girl, and if I do, I don't know how to talk to her o what to say.

Anyway, I'll be coming from time to time to read your stories and share my experiences, even advices (if I have any), but basically to 'learn'. Anyway, hi again!
 
just talk to her. If it turns out not right there always be another one.

Yeah, I know, but most of the time I don't really know how to start the conversation, and basically that's because I almost always think 'no way she's looking at me/she likes me'. Everybody I met told me that they have fun when they're with me and that I'm an interesting guy, but my brain says 'no! you're not'. But yes, I'm trying to fix that!
 
Some guidance here please.

So we've been talking and talking for about four? days now. We're really enjoying talking but haven't actually gone out yet. I'm not sure how to bring it up because she seems quite nervous and shy. Like I said earlier, she's quite the introvert. What could I suggest that would make her feel comfortable and not too intimidating for her? I really want to just go out with her and do something but she keeps being very shy. I don't want to scare her off or seem pushy.
 
Some guidance here please.

So we've been talking and talking for about four? days now. We're really enjoying talking but haven't actually gone out yet. I'm not sure how to bring it up because she seems quite nervous and shy. Like I said earlier, she's quite the introvert. What could I suggest that would make her feel comfortable and not too intimidating for her? I really want to just go out with her and do something but she keeps being very shy. I don't want to scare her off or seem pushy.
"...oh by the way, this coffee/yogurt/ice cream/etc place is really good. I'm gonna go this Saturday, I think you'd really like it if you came along!"

Sort of long for a text, but you get the point.
 
Some guidance here please.

So we've been talking and talking for about four? days now. We're really enjoying talking but haven't actually gone out yet. I'm not sure how to bring it up because she seems quite nervous and shy. Like I said earlier, she's quite the introvert. What could I suggest that would make her feel comfortable and not too intimidating for her? I really want to just go out with her and do something but she keeps being very shy. I don't want to scare her off or seem pushy.

Maybe something you both can enjoy? I don't know, for example, if you both like reading just tell her if she wants to go with you to a bookstore or whatever, to help you to pick a book (the example is quite bad, but I hope you understand what I mean). Tell her to go to some place where you both can feel good..
 
Some guidance here please.

So we've been talking and talking for about four? days now. We're really enjoying talking but haven't actually gone out yet. I'm not sure how to bring it up because she seems quite nervous and shy. Like I said earlier, she's quite the introvert. What could I suggest that would make her feel comfortable and not too intimidating for her? I really want to just go out with her and do something but she keeps being very shy. I don't want to scare her off or seem pushy.

What are your common interests? Movies? Go see a movie, an early screening so it won't feel like a "date". Music? Maybe some interesting live music nearby you can ask her if she'd like to check them out. etc. Find something that you're both interested in or at least something you know she is interested in, and use that to come up with a way of meeting up and doing something together.
 
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