Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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SniperHunter said:
I have missed a lot of opportunities already, I know what you mean. I am such a fool...fuck.
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But don't let that negative comment a lone defeat you from changing. Change is hard for some. Fuck it, it's tough for all people. Just take baby steps. Don't over analyze the situation. I learned if I'm going to approach a girl I found attractive and immediately she gives me the cue that I can approach all negative talk in my head is eliminated ASAP. I try not to listen to the negative remarks that I developed over the years.

Edit: I work at a hospital and have MAD nurses, doctors and physicians giving me cues lol we are similar bruh!
 
ecurbj said:
But don't let that negative comment a lone defeat you from changing. Change is hard for some. Fuck it, it's tough for all people. Just take baby steps. Don't over analyze the situation. I learned if I'm going to approach a girl I found attractive and immediately she gives me the cue that I can approach all negative talk in my head is eliminated ASAP. I try not to listen to the negative remarks that I developed over the years.

Edit: I work at a hospital and have MAD nurses, doctors and physicians giving me cues lol we are similar bruh!
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That's cool bro, I get what you are saying. The bit about baby steps sounds perfect, I need to get out of my comfort zone for sure. I hope we both succeed but you seem to be ahead of me :)
 
CrushDance said:
*phone-call aftermath*
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I feel bad for you man, had a similar situation happen to me. On the one hand, you know you did everything right, you wanted to take things slow and you did, she was the aggressor, but on the other hand it still makes you feel dirty and creepy.

I have a lot of respect for you ending it, a lot of guys wouldn't have...just expect her to try and re-establish contact, she knows you're a good guy, and shes going to feel like she screwed up something good, that usually equals getting texts/etc for the next year.
 
I have a question, this thread is HUGE!! Reading the entire thing would be a colossal waste of time! I wish someone would put the best advice in the OP or something...I have the pages from the previous dating thread bookmarked.

So much great advice by many users but it is very unorganized :(

edit: More than half of my bookmarks are filled with neogaf topics http://i.imgur.com/reRXw.png So much great advice and so many cool topics!
 
soultron isn't here as much to update the OP and there's a whole lot of different opinions on everything in here that it'd be very hard to make everyone happy with the advice given. I have you some of the best advice I got myself a few posts up but it went ignored *VERY BUTTHURT OMG*

Xun: I did that for the officially first time last night. No friends, no backup, no nothing. It took maybe two minutes before some guy wanted to high-five me at the bar and he introduced me to a group of 10+ Brazilian exhange students. Had to talk English half the night because of that. Nice practice.
 
Minamu said:
soultron isn't here as much to update the OP and there's a whole lot of different opinions on everything in here that it'd be very hard to make everyone happy with the advice given. I have you some of the best advice I got myself a few posts up but it went ignored *VERY BUTTHURT OMG*
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No, I read your reply when you posted it and I agree with what you said. It was not ignored :) You, SquiddyBiscuit and ecurbj all posted great replies that I agree with. Now it's a matter of going out taking baby steps and defeating this faulty inner programming of ignoring hot babes who are interested in me. And man this is going to be tough! Tougher than learning calculus for sure :P
 
SniperHunter said:
Point taken :) Don't put them on a pedestal, another user beat you to it :P I think I will start out by talking to fat and ugly looking girls and then gradually move on to hotter women. I need to take baby steps.
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actually not a bad idea. but be ready to friendzone a lot of girls. This may make you feel guilty.
 
SniperHunter said:
Point taken :) Don't put them on a pedestal, another user beat you to it :P I think I will start out by talking to fat and ugly looking girls and then gradually move on to hotter women. I need to take baby steps.
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Be careful.

Had a friend who did that, but he got too scared to move on. Now he is a broken man who is marrying a monster.
 
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SniperHunter said:
No, I read your reply when you posted it and I agree with what you said. It was not ignored :) You, SquiddyBiscuit and ecurbj all posted great replies that I agree with. Now it's a matter of going out taking baby steps and defeating this faulty inner programming of ignoring hot babes who are interested in me. And man this is going to be tough! Tougher than learning calculus for sure :P
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It'll only be as tough as you make it out to be :) It will be tougher than calculus as long as you don't tell yourself the opposite.

SniperHunter said:
Point taken :) Don't put them on a pedestal, another user beat you to it :P I think I will start out by talking to fat and ugly looking girls and then gradually move on to hotter women. I need to take baby steps.
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This might work if you need to ease into it, yeah. But you could be great at this tomorrow if you stop thinking about baby steps :)
 
subversus said:
actually not a bad idea. but be ready to friendzone a lot of girls. This may make you feel guilty.
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I could use a few girls on my facebook page....all I got right now is men :/

Count Dookkake said:
Be careful.

Had a friend who did that, but he got too scared to move on. Now he is a broken man who is marrying a monster.
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yea I understand. Beautiful women are really intimidating looking, approaching them is extremely difficult for me. And there's a huge difference in talking to an ugly fat girl and a hot girl with a smoking body....for me anyway.
 
SniperHunter said:
Beautiful women have a really inviting looking, approaching them is extremely easy for me (and they approach me all the time!). Ugly, fat or hot girls, they are ALL easy to talk to, especially for me.
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Say this to yourself instead, preferably in a mirror. It really does do wonders to how you perceive things and it affects your vibe in tremendous ways.
 
Minamu said:
Say this to yourself instead, preferably in a mirror. It really does do wonders to how you perceive things and it affects your vibe in tremendous ways.
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Yea this is true, by having a negative thoughts I have already lost before going into battle. I need to become an optimist like you ;)
 
I'm calling myself "Cougar Bait".... have a date tonight with a 44 year old very cute asian woman. She's cute, smart, very funny and flirty....and holy shit we've hit it off remarkably well already and haven't even met yet.

She initiated sending me a message online Wednesday. We exchanged 4 or 5 emails that day and even exchanged phone numbers. That night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours until about 1:00am. We've exchanged a few text messages over the last few days and we've hit it right off there too.

We're meeting tonight for the first time, going to dinner. Wish me luck, GAF!
 
mj1108 said:
I'm calling myself "Cougar Bait".... have a date tonight with a 44 year old very cute asian woman. She's cute, smart, very funny and flirty....and holy shit we've hit it off remarkably well already and haven't even met yet.

She initiated sending me a message online Wednesday. We exchanged 4 or 5 emails that day and even exchanged phone numbers. That night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours until about 1:00am. We've exchanged a few text messages over the last few days and we've hit it right off there too.

We're meeting tonight for the first time, going to dinner. Wish me luck, GAF!
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Good luck!
 
mj1108 said:
I'm calling myself "Cougar Bait".... have a date tonight with a 44 year old very cute asian woman. She's cute, smart, very funny and flirty....and holy shit we've hit it off remarkably well already and haven't even met yet.

She initiated sending me a message online Wednesday. We exchanged 4 or 5 emails that day and even exchanged phone numbers. That night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours until about 1:00am. We've exchanged a few text messages over the last few days and we've hit it right off there too.

We're meeting tonight for the first time, going to dinner. Wish me luck, GAF!
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Good luck!
 
SniperHunter said:
Yea this is true, by having a negative thoughts I have already lost before going into battle. I need to become an optimist like you ;)
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Yeah, they really don't do you any good, do they? :) In fact, they are only keeping you in the comfort zone, trapped in the old and more cozy ways of not doing anything and staying miserable. Turning your life around is possible, and easy. There's no reason to look at it in any other way. It's not lying to yourself, it's the start of creating a new life. Everyone's current life has been created, so creating a new one shouldn't be that hard.

mj1108 said:
I'm calling myself "Cougar Bait".... have a date tonight with a 44 year old very cute asian woman. She's cute, smart, very funny and flirty....and holy shit we've hit it off remarkably well already and haven't even met yet.

She initiated sending me a message online Wednesday. We exchanged 4 or 5 emails that day and even exchanged phone numbers. That night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours until about 1:00am. We've exchanged a few text messages over the last few days and we've hit it right off there too.

We're meeting tonight for the first time, going to dinner. Wish me luck, GAF!
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And how old are you? :D Break a leg, and congratulations.
 
Minamu said:
And how old are you? :D Break a leg, and congratulations.
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34.

There's something about women in their 40's that are drawn to me. My last girlfriend was 42, this one is 44 and in the last 2 days I've had additional messages out of the blue from 39 and 42 year old women.

Hence the name "Cougar Bait".
 
Minamu said:
Yeah, they really don't do you any good, do they? :) In fact, they are only keeping you in the comfort zone, trapped in the old and more cozy ways of not doing anything and staying miserable. Turning your life around is possible, and easy. There's no reason to look at it in any other way.
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Yes, I agree. Another great point! I will keep you guys updated on my situation. Thanks for all the help!
 
mj1108 said:
34.

There's something about women in their 40's that are drawn to me. My last girlfriend was 42, this one is 44 and in the last 2 days I've had additional messages out of the blue from 39 and 42 year old women.

Hence the name "Cougar Bait".
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Alright. I'm 27 soon and I can definitely see the appeal there as well. The maturity and experience is intriguing for sure :D
 
And today my girlfriend's ex invited her (and me apparently) to an Asian party but we can't come as she's far away this week. I think it's totally normal for her to be really good friends with her exes and somehow I'm fine with it too but I can also feel inside of me a tiny bit of annoyance when "ex" is brought up again. I shouldn't be one to tell her who she can communicate with, it's just I can't help but feel a bit of annoyance.
 
Minamu said:
Alright. I'm 27 soon and I can definitely see the appeal there as well. The maturity and experience is intriguing for sure :D
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It probably helps that I also have no kids, my own place, and a great job.
3AQmK.gif


What's been nice about this is they have been seeking me out....not the other way around.
 
Xun said:
Great, another night not going out...

Going out on my own isn't something I'm really up for doing just yet.
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I'd love to go out myself, but I've got no one to go out with either.

I feel like just walking into a club alone or something (never been to a club). I've been told I'll end up getting beat up/targetted because I am on my own, but why should I stay locked away in my room?

Anyone? Will I be a target because I am alone?
 
Empowerer Blarg said:
I'd love to go out myself, but I've got no one to go out with either.

I feel like just walking into a club alone or something (never been to a club). I've been told I'll end up getting beat up/targetted because I am on my own, but why should I stay locked away in my room?

Anyone? Will I be a target because I am alone?
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A little over a month ago I was alone walking back to my car (not very late...only about 10:30pm) and I got robbed and beaten at knifepoint on a public sidewalk in a lit area (not joking).
 
This girl I met on okcupid is causing me to question myself way too much. I generally don't but the fact I actually have a lot in common and like this one has me hoping it goes better than some of the others. Tonight I'm meeting her for the third time since this past Sunday. I generally talk to her everyday with a few texts. In person she definitely seems to dig me but her texts are very matter of fact, no bullshit. Like a guys basically. It's hard to tell if she is truly into me especially since she still gets on the site every day. Anybody have any advice or something? Not sure what I'm looking for, it just helps a bit writing it down. Agh, this shit bothers me when it shouldn't.
 
mj1108 said:
It probably helps that I also have no kids, my own place, and a great job.
3AQmK.gif


What's been nice about this is they have been seeking me out....not the other way around.
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That would certainly help, yeah. Hmm, you're giving me ideas here xD Of course they seek you out, they always do ;)

Empowerer Blarg said:
I'd love to go out myself, but I've got no one to go out with either.

I feel like just walking into a club alone or something (never been to a club). I've been told I'll end up getting beat up/targetted because I am on my own, but why should I stay locked away in my room?

Anyone? Will I be a target because I am alone?
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Do it. I did last night, and it was liberating in many ways. Not having backup made sure I had to leave the comfort zone and find people that could entertain me. I'm doing it again tonight. I've never heard anything about getting beaten up for being alone, such strange places you guys live in. Who's gonna know you're alone on a busy dance floor or similar anyway?
 
Shanks said:
This girl I met on okcupid is causing me to question myself way too much. I generally don't but the fact I actually have a lot in common and like this one has me hoping it goes better than some of the others. Tonight I'm meeting her for the third time since this past Sunday. I generally talk to her everyday with a few texts. In person she definitely seems to dig me but her texts are very matter of fact, no bullshit. Like a guys basically. It's hard to tell if she is truly into me especially since she still gets on the site every day. Anybody have any advice or something? Not sure what I'm looking for, it just helps a bit writing it down. Agh, this shit bothers me when it shouldn't.
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it's totally normal to get on the site everyday. there is nothing serious between you two yet, so she considers other options. All girls do this.
 
Shanks said:
This girl I met on okcupid is causing me to question myself way too much. I generally don't but the fact I actually have a lot in common and like this one has me hoping it goes better than some of the others. Tonight I'm meeting her for the third time since this past Sunday. I generally talk to her everyday with a few texts. In person she definitely seems to dig me but her texts are very matter of fact, no bullshit. Like a guys basically. It's hard to tell if she is truly into me especially since she still gets on the site every day. Anybody have any advice or something? Not sure what I'm looking for, it just helps a bit writing it down. Agh, this shit bothers me when it shouldn't.
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Try not to text with her. Also, keep this in your mind at all times: if it doesn't work out with her, there are hundreds of thousands of other women out there. Be yourself. Don't let her play with you (not that she is trying). Live your life and enjoy the time you do have with her.
 
mj1108 said:
I'm calling myself "Cougar Bait".... have a date tonight with a 44 year old very cute asian woman. She's cute, smart, very funny and flirty....and holy shit we've hit it off remarkably well already and haven't even met yet.

She initiated sending me a message online Wednesday. We exchanged 4 or 5 emails that day and even exchanged phone numbers. That night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours until about 1:00am. We've exchanged a few text messages over the last few days and we've hit it right off there too.

We're meeting tonight for the first time, going to dinner. Wish me luck, GAF!
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Just curious, how old are you?

eDIt: Never mind, didn't see you already answered.
 
ClovingWestbrook said:
Try not to text with her. Also, keep this in your mind at all times: if it doesn't work out with her, there are hundreds of thousands of other women out there. Be yourself. Don't let her play with you (not that she is trying). Live your life and enjoy the time you do have with her.
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I don't text her throughout the day or anything. I'll just say something like "hope you had/ having a good day" or something of that nature in the evening. Sometimes she'll text me.
 
subversus said:
that is enough. do you see him often?
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Forgot to respond to this.

No, we hardly hang out. Last time i saw him was months ago. He called me a few weeks back to discuss something but thats it. Our friendship has gotten weird. I knew him since the 6th grade but we don't act like it sometimes. I can't ask him to go anywhere because i already know all the excuses he's going to make. I don't know how it got like this.

So as you can see, i have no one to go out and be social with to meet girls. I mean shit, i have to go see TDKR by myself as much as i hate to. :(

On another note. I get this pinching pain in my stomach when i think about me still not having a girl. Especially when i see couples outside. It's like a pressure sensation. The fuck is wrong with me guys?

Xun said:
Great, another night not going out...

Going out on my own isn't something I'm really up for doing just yet.
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I go to manhattan and walk around when i have nothing to do (which is pretty much.......always). Doesn't really help with anything but i love NYC.
 
I think I'm starting to like going out alone :) That fear is turning into an asset somehow. Did my own version of grabbing an ass to show I'm not going to be taken advantage of even lol. Though, grabbing a free drink --> ass grab makes no sense.
 
Minamu said:
I think I'm starting to like going out alone :) That fear is turning into an asset somehow.
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I have been going out alone for a few weekends now. Every time I sit down with a set of ladies and we get to talking I *always* get told how ballsy I am for doing so. I also got told how sexy I look in my new vest/dress which leads into...

...having gotten myself a date. After me and this pretty blonde had snuggled a bit in the disco yesterday I suggested we should hang out and do an activity one of these days (before you ask: I could tell it wouldn't go further then snuggling so that's why I didn't push that idea). She wrote down her full name and phonenumber (also asked me to add her to FB) so maybe this could lead to better things.

One great ice breaker I used to get to know her was to play a game with her. Each of us took turns asking three questions where both had to answer. Stuff went from the ordinary like 'where did you grow up', 'favorite drinks' etc to questions with more intent like 'what's your favorite/worst aspect of opposite gender'. Her answer to that: guys are funny, guys are controlling. My answer: I really like female necks (which gave me an opportunity to stroke her there, she said she had never been told that before). I told her females being moody is their worst aspect. I could have brought up questions with even more direct intent (sex etc) but I sensed that was a road I wouldn't succeed with last night so I believe a snuggle and a planned date is a good result considering.
 
Man said:
I have been going out alone for a few weekends now. Every time I sit down with a set of ladies and we get to talking I *always* get told how ballsy I am for doing so. I also got told how sexy I look in my new vest/dress which leads into...

...having gotten myself a date. After me and this blonde had snuggled a bit in the disco yesterday I suggested we should hang out and do an activity one of these days. She wrote down her full name and phonenumber (also asked me to add her to FB) so maybe this could lead to better things.
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See, it's easy :) I need to be more like that too, for my own sake. I don't go out expecting these crazy things to happen but they do every time now, and it's fun. Putting yourself out there and daring to do something you normally wouldn't is great for testing and breaking your boundaries (as long as you don't step too out of line of course). It really propels you forward.
 
That was probably the fourth group of girls I talked to last night.
With the first couple of groups I tried a slightly cringe worthy opener where I asked them if they had seen this guy (actually describing myself before shaking their hand). One of the groups hadn't seen him so I introduced myself and they went 'Noooo!' and laughed. We had some funny dialogue but the night was still young so I didn't want to talk their ears off and moved on. Second group I tried that line on actually intercepted it was myself I talked about. I actually unintentionally managed to make my third or fourth line with these to be 'if they came here often'. It was out in the air before I realised what I had said and I quickly made a joke about it as they were laughing/rolling their eyes. Yeah, I didn't want to stay long after that one.

The third group I hanged around with for quite a while. This blonde kept dragging me along but after a couple of hours she told me she had a boyfriend. Thanks. :/
Then I sat down with the fourth group and hanged with them for an hour and landed me the date.
 
Man said:
That was probably the fourth group of girls I talked to last night.
With the first couple of groups I tried a slightly cringe worthy opener where I asked them if they had seen this guy (actually describing myself before shaking their hand). One of the groups hadn't seen him so I introduced myself and they went 'Noooo!' and laughed. We had some funny dialogue but the night was still young so I didn't want to talk their ears off and moved on. Second group I tried that line on actually intercepted it was myself I talked about. I actually unintentionally managed to make my third or fourth question with these to be 'if they came her often'. It was out in the air before I realised what I had said and I quickly made a joke about it as they were laughing/rolling their eyes. Yeah, I didn't want to stay long after that one.

The third group I hanged around with for quite a while while. This blonde kept dragging me along but after a couple of hours she told me she had a boyfriend. Thanks. :/
Then I sat down with the fourth group and hanged with them for an hour and landed me the date.
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That line sounds hilarious though :P I need to try that one, just for kicks. I too have used the other line, but on purpose. It can be very entertaining if done right. Last night, I was told I wasn't like the ordinary Swedes the girls had met (Brazilian exchange students) before, (because really, this is very typical even in social gatherings) and that was nice to hear. I told them that sure, I could stand around all alone at the club for three hours, like so many others, or just stick with a tightly knit group, but where's the fun in that?
 
One thing I haven't really figured out- when you meet a girl for the first time are you supposed to go for the hug or the hand shake? The handshake seems weird and the hug seems too personal without knowing someone. This isn't dating specific and I'm asking in both a group setting and a 1 on 1 setting.
 
I've been doing handshakes personally. Usually you end up hugging (either from saying goodbye or from having fun) during your first hangout anyways.
 
Girl is a tease after all. But I'm used to this, and I've long used my disappointment with girls as fuel to motivate myself to lose more weight and get in better shape... so water under the bridge....
 
I've liked this girl for years...her boyfriend does heroin...she admitted she still has feelings for me...

should I be the reason she finally leaves this guy?

Yes or No

Disclaimer: this is a drunk post.
 
Pollux said:
I've liked this girl for years...her boyfriend does heroin...she admitted she still has feelings for me...

should I be the reason she finally leaves this guy?

Yes or No

Disclaimer: this is a drunk post.
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Yes.

He's going to get in trouble or do her wrong. Heroin is no joke.
 
Pollux said:
I've liked this girl for years...her boyfriend does heroin...she admitted she still has feelings for me...

should I be the reason she finally leaves this guy?

Yes or No

Disclaimer: this is a drunk post.
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Yes. But let her figure that out. Just do what you gotta do. She finds you attractive and she's only going to find him less attractive each time he shoots up. It may take years, but if she really has feelings for you, there will be a time and place.
 
Devolution said:
Yes.

He's going to get in trouble or do her wrong. Heroin is no joke.
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My thoughts exactly. I know we've had some severe differences in the past Devo (Nuns :jnc)...but good call. Thanks.


Mully said:
Yes. But let her figure that out. Just do what you gotta do. She finds you attractive and she's only going to find him less attractive each time he shoots up. It may take years, but if she really has feelings for you, there will be a time and place.
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Agreed. She knows how I feel. If it's meant to happen it'll happen.
 
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