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[thestopsign]

So today I managed to get a girl's name/number by cold asking her (first time this has ever really worked properly for me!). Tomorrow is my last day of work at a restaurant with her, and I figured why not ask. Only problem is I'm going back to college (far away) on Thursday, so we can't really hangout in between now and then. What should I do/say to keep her interest for later in the year when I come back on breaks or maybe even next summer? No guarantee either of us will be single then, but I want to at least stay on her radar.

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Yes, you're right. Negativity and depression doesn't take you anywhere. Don't know how or where I'll find those people, but I shouldn't give up, or think I'll always be like this. And yes, there's always something new to learn, from experience and all that. Thank you for your advice, I'll try and make good use of it

Hey, I've been in your position for 4 years now, and 8 since my last relationship. That's on top of me being much better at just talking to random women now too. You could be in worse places.

I'm trying to sort it out myself. It'd be nice if I could even find one woman to give me the light of day.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

OddSpoon, for fuck's sake, dump that girl. You're getting played so fucking hard, and it's brutal to see you justify it to yourself.

If there is ever, ever, ever going to be any remote chance of it working out with this girl, it will be because you dump her and never contact her again right now. Wait for years and see if she ever comes back to you. It's likely she won't because (awful truth incoming) she doesn't even want to be with you right now. You're a backup. You're her safety net so no matter what happens to her, she'll never completely fall. She can do anything and she'll always have some dude (you) waiting to catch her.

 

[OddSpoon]

She says I make her feel great, and give her confidence and that I give her purpose to keep on going.

She's my bestfriend. I don't see this happening in the future, especially with me moving out there in a few months

It's not like I am in some state of paranoia with her. Far from being a control freak

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

She says I make her feel great

Martin makes her feel great too or else she wouldn't be fucking him and lying to you about it.

You really need to man up. I'm not going to pussyfoot this for you. You are going to get hurt so, so much worse than you're hurting right now if you move in with this cheater.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

Martin makes her feel great too or else she wouldn't be fucking him and lying to you about it.

You really need to man up. I'm not going to pussyfoot this for you. You are going to get hurt so, so much worse than you're hurting right now if you move in with this cheater.

I'm just going to throw this out there, but I doubt Martin would give up on her so easily and not move out there, thereby making her feel uncared for. I guess he just needs to decide if he loves her more truly than Martin or not.

 

[OddSpoon]

Martin makes her feel great too or else she wouldn't be fucking him and lying to you about it.

You really need to man up. I'm not going to pussyfoot this for you. You are going to get hurt so, so much worse than you're hurting right now if you move in with this cheater.

Only thing Martin has on me is that he can purchase alcohol, and drives a nice motor vehicle.

- oh and he lives near her, but I will soon enough

He's a total foul mouthed assfuck in entirety

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Only thing Martin has on me is that he can purchase alcohol, and drives a nice motor vehicle.

- oh and he lives near her, but I will soon enough

He's a total foul mouthed assfuck in entirety

It's interesting getting glimpses into the minds of lovefools like this. Your perception of the reality around you is broken. You're responding to the wrong things and missing the point.

Your girl fucks another dude on the reg and lies to you about it. It doesn't matter what he has that's better than you. He has the girl. She likes him and fucks him despite you thinking he's a foul-mouthed assfuck.

Monogamous relationships work based on trust and fidelity that is earned through mutual respect and affection for each other. You do not have her respect, and your relationship is dead but you keep wanting to fuck the corpse.

 

[Desperado]

So today I managed to get a girl's name/number by cold asking her (first time this has ever really worked properly for me!). Tomorrow is my last day of work at a restaurant with her, and I figured why not ask. Only problem is I'm going back to college (far away) on Thursday, so we can't really hangout in between now and then. What should I do/say to keep her interest for later in the year when I come back on breaks or maybe even next summer? No guarantee either of us will be single then, but I want to at least stay on her radar.

First of all, congrats.

Now, you need to realize that the likelihood of anything happening with this particular girl is not very good, just simply because of the situation. Once you can accept that, then you can have a healthy approach and attitude towards it. You can text her every once in a while. Keep it lighthearted and fun. I don't know how much you know about her, but if something reminds you of a subject you talked about with her before, bring that up. (e.g., one time you made fun of hipster beards together, and a few weeks from now, you meet a guy with one.)

The main thing you should take away from this is that putting yourself out there like you did leads to opportunities.

 

[cornontheCoD]

Ugh, I'm posting in here again. Well, I can't get over this problem. I don't like most people. I find that most people just get in the way (and I don't like small talk), and it's way too much effort to talk/become friends with people with myself getting little back for it. I find that people have to go out of their way to impress me, or else I won't be interested in socializing with them. I realize it's an extremely selfish attitude, but it's been the way I behave for a while now, and I think it's mostly subconscious.

Let me give you an example of my mindset (please don't turn this into a tipping thread):
I don't tip most of the time. My thought is that I don't want to reward mediocrity - a tip is for service above and beyond, and if a waiter doesn't get a tip then that is feedback for the waiter that they need to improve if they want my money. Next person they serve, they go out of their way to do a better job and everyone is meaningfully happy in the long term.

Now, the other day, I'm eating with my buddy. This guy is opposite me in a lot of respects, including tipping. I don't tip, and he says "What did the waiter do wrong?" I found that funny, because he's looking at it completely differently. I shouldn't be asking what the waiter did wrong, I should be asking what the waiter did above and beyond. What did the waiter do to stand out and provide a better service than any other waiter?

And I realized that he and I handle tipping just like we do socializing. He dates a lot of girls, even if they aren't extremely cute and/or interesting, then over time finds out if they are a good fit ("what did the waiter do wrong?"). By default, I assume that most people are uninteresting, and then only dare to ask out the girls that I find extremely interesting and/or cute ("they stand out/they did something above and beyond)".

Couple my mindset with the fact that I don't interact with too many women in my day-to-day life, and you have my current status of desperate and lonely.

So, what can I do? I don't like most people, but I want a relationship? How does that work? I feel like forcing/faking interest is lowering my standards.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Ugh, I'm posting in here again. Well, I can't get over this problem. I don't like most people. I find that most people just get in the way (and I don't like small talk), and it's way too much effort to talk/become friends with people with myself getting little back for it. I find that people have to go out of their way to impress me, or else I won't be interested in socializing with them. I realize it's an extremely selfish attitude, but it's been the way I behave for a while now, and I think it's mostly subconscious.

Let me give you an example of my mindset (please don't turn this into a tipping thread):
I don't tip most of the time. My thought is that I don't want to reward mediocrity - a tip is for service above and beyond, and if a waiter doesn't get a tip then that is feedback for the waiter that they need to improve if they want my money. Next person they serve, they go out of their way to do a better job and everyone is meaningfully happy in the long term.

Now, the other day, I'm eating with my buddy. This guy is opposite me in a lot of respects, including tipping. I don't tip, and he says "What did the waiter do wrong?" I found that funny, because he's looking at it completely differently. I shouldn't be asking what the waiter did wrong, I should be asking what the waiter did above and beyond. What did the waiter do to stand out and provide a better service than any other waiter?

And I realized that he and I handle tipping just like we do socializing. He dates a lot of girls, even if they aren't extremely cute and/or interesting, then over time finds out if they are a good fit ("what did the waiter do wrong?"). By default, I assume that most people are uninteresting, and then only dare to ask out the girls that I find extremely interesting and/or cute ("they stand out/they did something above and beyond)".

Couple my mindset with the fact that I don't interact with too many women in my day-to-day life, and you have my current status of desperate and lonely.

So, what can I do? I don't like most people, but I want a relationship? How does that work? I feel like forcing/faking interest is lowering my standards.

The tipping thing is arrogant and you're in the wrong. It's how our society operates. The servers in most states are paid less than minimum wage with the assumption that their paycheck will be reasonable with the addition of the tips they earn. It is built into the system and you're fighting against it just because you have a silly idea that your slaves should dance for you or something. Get over that.

I'm not saying you need to always tip 20% or something like a tipping thread argument, and you're free to value the service at any price, but no tipping at all ever unless a person seriously impresses you (and how is that even measured... what if everyone was fantastic, you would just think that's normal service) is seriously raising a lot of red flags about your understanding, experience, and compassion for service jobs and other human beings.

 

[thestopsign]

First of all, congrats.

Now, you need to realize that the likelihood of anything happening with this particular girl is not very good, just simply because of the situation. Once you can accept that, then you can have a healthy approach and attitude towards it. You can text her every once in a while. Keep it lighthearted and fun. I don't know how much you know about her, but if something reminds you of a subject you talked about with her before, bring that up. (e.g., one time you made fun of hipster beards together, and a few weeks from now, you meet a guy with one.)

The main thing you should take away from this is that putting yourself out there like you did leads to opportunities.

Yea, I really felt good when she was almost excited when I asked her. Took a lot of weight off my shoulders. I completely understood that there wasn't much in it for me, so there was little risk.

 

[ConradCervantes]

Man, OddSpoon, I've been in your position before, damn near dropping everything to go be with my girl who was catching dick on the side. Ain't worth it, dude. That was when I was eighteen. Six years later and I'm happier than I could've ever imagined with my current squeeze.

Drop her ass and find a girl nearby who doesn't use getting drunk as a crutch for cheating. And this "foul-mouthed assfuck" thing, how is that relevant if she obviously doesn't mind? He may be all those things, but he's there and his dick works.

 

[Resilient]

Only thing Martin has on me is that he can purchase alcohol, and drives a nice motor vehicle.

- oh and he lives near her, but I will soon enough

He's a total foul mouthed assfuck in entirety

Come on son. You think her vagina accidentally fell onto his dick? She would have pursued him as much as he pursued her. And it's not like they appeared naked and on top of each other. You know that feeling when you take off your girls bra, slip it out of her arms, the tension when you unzip her jeans, and then slip off her panties? You know that feeling when she's rubbing your chest, kissing your neck, hand slowly slipping down your pants? She's kissing all over your body while you fumble to get the condom on?

Your girl did that with another guy. I'm willing to wager, more than five times.

If you think for a second this won't happen again, your nuts. Risk reward son. You're gonna throw your whole life away (as you said) for someone who did that to you. It is most definitely not worth it.

 

[Log4Girlz]

She says I make her feel great, and give her confidence and that I give her purpose to keep on going.

She's my bestfriend. I don't see this happening in the future, especially with me moving out there in a few months

It's not like I am in some state of paranoia with her. Far from being a control freak

You're the back up. Her main squeeze is Martin. Good luck with that.

 

[cornontheCoD]

The tipping thing is arrogant and you're in the wrong. It's how our society operates. The servers in most states are paid less than minimum wage with the assumption that their paycheck will be reasonable with the addition of the tips they earn. It is built into the system and you're fighting against it just because you have a silly idea that your slaves should dance for you or something. Get over that.

I'm not saying you need to always tip 20% or something like a tipping thread argument, and you're free to value the service at any price, but no tipping at all ever unless a person seriously impresses you (and how is that even measured... what if everyone was fantastic, you would just think that's normal service) is seriously raising a lot of red flags about your understanding, experience, and compassion for service jobs and other human beings.

No, it's arrogant to think that I don't tip because I don't understand the system/industry and proceeding to be the 7,000th person to explain to me "how it works."

I said not to turn this into a tipping thread...it's just an anecdote to show my mindset. I find it funny that everyone that's for tipping thinks they need to explain how the service industry works to the non-tippers. I know how it works, and I've even worked in the industry, but I don't care. It's optional, if they want me to pay it, make it mandatory. I am a broke-ass college student with no job and no time for one. I'm not going to tip unless I am seriously impressed.

Why should I reward mediocrity? No one strives to get better if they are already being rewarded substantially for their mediocre efforts. I'm not trying to "change the system", I'm just showing the waiter that I have higher standards than most, and it takes more than mediocre service to impress me. And to the bold: you act like they don't get paid at all. And if they don't get paid enough, well then it will spur them on to be even better at their job so they get better tips. And to answer your question about how "seriously impressing me" is measured...well, it's if I remember them. If I want to talk to them other than to take my order. if I take genuine interest in them, when by default I don't take interest in people. If this person seems like a person I would want to hang out with or grab a beer with.

Now, some of you may say that I'm being hypocritical by spending this whole post talking about tipping, but for most of the above, swap money with time and "waiter" with "girl", and you have my attitude on dating.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I'm not trying to "change the system", I'm just showing the waiter that I have higher standards than most, and it takes more than mediocre service to impress me.

What you're showing them is that it doesn't matter if they try, they're not getting rewarded.

Take that tipping anecdote and make it a dating analogy for your own situation.

 

[bluemax]

No, it's arrogant to think that I don't tip because I don't understand the system/industry and proceeding to be the 7,000th person to explain to me "how it works."

I said not to turn this into a tipping thread...it's just an anecdote to show my mindset. I find it funny that everyone that's for tipping thinks they need to explain how the service industry works to the non-tippers. I know how it works, and I've even worked in the industry, but I don't care. It's optional, if they want me to pay it, make it mandatory. I am a broke-ass college student with no job and no time for one. I'm not going to tip unless I am seriously impressed.

Why should I reward mediocrity? No one strives to get better if they are already being rewarded substantially for their mediocre efforts. I'm not trying to "change the system", I'm just showing the waiter that I have higher standards than most, and it takes more than mediocre service to impress me. And to the bold: you act like they don't get paid at all. And if they don't get paid enough, well then it will spur them on to be even better at their job so they get better tips. And to answer your question about how "seriously impressing me" is measured...well, it's if I remember them. If I want to talk to them other than to take my order. if I take genuine interest in them, when by default I don't take interest in people. If this person seems like a person I would want to hang out with or grab a beer with.

Now, some of you may say that I'm being hypocritical by spending this whole post talking about tipping, but for most of the above, swap money with time and "waiter" with "girl", and you have my attitude on dating.

I mean if you're wondering why you're single you should probably just look at this post and your previous post. And if you can't figure it out from those two, then you should probably visit a therapist.

 

[cornontheCoD]

I mean if you're wondering why you're single you should probably just look at this post and your previous post. And if you can't figure it out from those two, then you should probably visit a therapist.

Elaborate please. I don't have money or time to visit a therapist, not that I take that suggestion seriously.

 

[subversus]

Elaborate please. I don't have money or time to visit a therapist, not that I take that suggestion seriously.

dude, you sound like what they call a douche. It's not like I disagree with you about tips, I just say it how it looks from the stranger's perspective. People in general don't like douches.

Also women want to be "conquered" and they won't jump through hoops to get you interested. If you consider most people mediocre (I call it "normal" but whatever) then search for those who are above mediocrity (being alone in the process or having casual sex). It's natural to be alone if you have very high standards.

 

[Log4Girlz]

No, it's arrogant to think that I don't tip because I don't understand the system/industry and proceeding to be the 7,000th person to explain to me "how it works."

I said not to turn this into a tipping thread...it's just an anecdote to show my mindset. I find it funny that everyone that's for tipping thinks they need to explain how the service industry works to the non-tippers. I know how it works, and I've even worked in the industry, but I don't care. It's optional, if they want me to pay it, make it mandatory. I am a broke-ass college student with no job and no time for one. I'm not going to tip unless I am seriously impressed.

Why should I reward mediocrity? No one strives to get better if they are already being rewarded substantially for their mediocre efforts. I'm not trying to "change the system", I'm just showing the waiter that I have higher standards than most, and it takes more than mediocre service to impress me. And to the bold: you act like they don't get paid at all. And if they don't get paid enough, well then it will spur them on to be even better at their job so they get better tips. And to answer your question about how "seriously impressing me" is measured...well, it's if I remember them. If I want to talk to them other than to take my order. if I take genuine interest in them, when by default I don't take interest in people. If this person seems like a person I would want to hang out with or grab a beer with.

Now, some of you may say that I'm being hypocritical by spending this whole post talking about tipping, but for most of the above, swap money with time and "waiter" with "girl", and you have my attitude on dating.

Yeah tipping relies a lot of a person's generosity. You don't have any. I see why you are having trouble with girls.

 

[Minamu]

One always gets hooked on their idea of who someone is, and that's something you can never completely learn. People have these simple, perfect ideas of the others in their lives (guys and girls) and sometimes they're genuine and sometimes they're dead wrong...

Any chance the blind date girl might actually be good? Just a wild idea...

There's always that possibility. It'd be one hell of a meeting story at least. But she wasn't even close to as attractive as the girl I was talking to (unless I've been talking to the wrong person the whole time). I kinda went Antitype on her though and deleted her number and all signs of her after she went crazy on me with book length hate texts last night. She's trolled me for about nine days so I'll never know what could've been.

She deleted me off of facebook before I even had a chance to consider the blind date. Online Succubus basically.

Edit: Seems like her account has been forcibly shut down.

 

[MVP]

Couple my mindset with the fact that I don't interact with too many women in my day-to-day life, and you have my current status of desperate and lonely.

So, what can I do?

You answered your own question. Change your mindset, and interact with more women.

I used to have your mentality when I was a lot younger. I don't know your age, but I used to think I was god's gift to the world, and I felt like the world owed me something. It doesn't. I guarantee you that you are not as interesting as you think. There are plenty of people/women more interesting than you. Go out and find them.

If you don't really care to change the obvious bitterness you carry for some reason, just give up on dating because no woman in their right mind will want to have any significant relationship with you. The tipping thing is irrelevant. I overtip, but if someone wants to undertip or not tip it all, it's their right. I'd never hang out with them again, and I know it's an automatic turn-off for women, but it's your money and you're the one who works to earn it.

It's just the rest of your mentality that's a drain to most people.

EDIT: And if you're a "broke ass college student", you shouldn't be going anywhere that requires tipping. Women would rather go out on cheap/fun dates, than go out on a fancy date and see you not tip. It's silly, but it's true. Save money, and avoid being seen as rude. Win/win.

 

[Darren870]

Only thing Martin has on me is that he can purchase alcohol, and drives a nice motor vehicle.

- oh and he lives near her, but I will soon enough

He's a total foul mouthed assfuck in entirety

I am guessing this means you are younger then 21....

Few questions:

How long have you been with this girl?
How did you two meet?
How long have you been in a LD relationship?
How long were you not in a LD relationship?

 

[Sarye]

I said not to turn this into a tipping thread...

hey gais I don't want to turn this into a religion thread but I think Jesus Christ is awesome and would only date girls who also love JC. Also all of you who are looking just to hook up is wrong because the bible tells me so.

..


Come on man.. you can't have an opposing opinion and expect people to keep quiet. Your posts comes off as douchey and entitled. One question I constantly ask myself is "What do I have to offer?" "Why would a girl date me?" You can't expect quality women to be interested if you yourself have nothing to offer them.

You realize that it's selfish. Good. That's a start. But your attitude on life in general needs re-adjustment. I'm not even talking about tipping.. but your motivation for it. Should you strive for mediocrity? No of course not. But you should not expect everyone to wow and please you either. You are just one person out of billions. Why makes you so special?

 

[Chinner]

guyz i have an erection what do i do?

 

[Darren870]

guyz i have an erection what do i do?

Run around and stuff

 

[Sarye]

guyz i have an erection what do i do?

is there a duck near by?

 

[Minamu]

guyz i have an erection what do i do?

Slap it with your hands.

 

[shanshan310]

ducks don't have penises.

 

[Rei_Toei]

ducks don't have penises.

So wrong.

 

[AdventureRacing]

guyz i have an erection what do i do?

You're a duck, just go and get some whether they want it or not.

 

[RedNalgene]

Only thing Martin has on me is that he can purchase alcohol, and drives a nice motor vehicle.

- oh and he lives near her, but I will soon enough

He's a total foul mouthed assfuck in entirety

OddSpoon, I've been in almost your exact same position. I won't bore everyone with the details here so I'll give you the short version.

I was seeing this girl who was hanging out with someone else too. We lived a couple of hours apart and I would only see her once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. She lived 5 minutes away from this other guy who was her "friend". They hooked up a few times before she and I were exclusive, and they hooked up a few times while she and I were together. She apologized each and every time and things were GREAT after the apologies. Then it would happen again. Or something weird would happen between us (we'd grow apart for no reason I could ascertain - wonder why that happened....).

The knot in your stomach - I know that feeling well. You call her at night and she doesn't pick up and doesn't call you back - yeah, I know the feelings that follow. It doesn't feel good, does it? It's a sign man, it's your brain telling you there is a problem. It's your gut telling you something is off. I shrugged off those thoughts and said "nah, she probably just went to bed early and didn't hear her phone, everything's fine". I convinced myself there was nothing wrong with the situation, and since we both loved each other we would work out in the end. The result was that she never fully committed to our relationship, and ultimately that was our undoing.

My biggest regret over the whole thing is that I spent years dealing with this thing, telling myself that it will work out, just hold on for a few more months and it will get better, when she finishes school things will change, when we live closer to each other things will change, etc, etc, etc. All those events happened and nothing changed. We don't talk to each other anymore, and I am 1000x better off because of it. I'm now in a relationship with someone who would never, ever, EVER disrespect me. Never do anything that would cause me to feel that knot. And I trust her no matter what. She has respect for me and for our relationship. That's how it's supposed to work.

You have to make the best decision for you in your situation, but always remember that you deserve to be respected. If someone you love does something to you where you feel disrespected that is not normal, and you don't deserve it. NOBODY should make you feel bad about yourself, especially not someone who says they love you.

 

[Howard Ballou]

No, it's arrogant to think that I don't tip because I don't understand the system/industry and proceeding to be the 7,000th person to explain to me "how it works."

I said not to turn this into a tipping thread...it's just an anecdote to show my mindset. I find it funny that everyone that's for tipping thinks they need to explain how the service industry works to the non-tippers. I know how it works, and I've even worked in the industry, but I don't care. It's optional, if they want me to pay it, make it mandatory. I am a broke-ass college student with no job and no time for one. I'm not going to tip unless I am seriously impressed.

Why should I reward mediocrity? No one strives to get better if they are already being rewarded substantially for their mediocre efforts. I'm not trying to "change the system", I'm just showing the waiter that I have higher standards than most, and it takes more than mediocre service to impress me. And to the bold: you act like they don't get paid at all. And if they don't get paid enough, well then it will spur them on to be even better at their job so they get better tips. And to answer your question about how "seriously impressing me" is measured...well, it's if I remember them. If I want to talk to them other than to take my order. if I take genuine interest in them, when by default I don't take interest in people. If this person seems like a person I would want to hang out with or grab a beer with.

Now, some of you may say that I'm being hypocritical by spending this whole post talking about tipping, but for most of the above, swap money with time and "waiter" with "girl", and you have my attitude on dating.

That's a shitty attitude, but at least you'll save money by not tipping or going on dates.

guyz i have an erection what do i do?

Put on a tie. Light some candles. Heat up a Lean Cuisine.

 

[Branson]

I really really hate how my ex fiancée is still in my head after all of these months. We broke up in March, she cheated on me last fall a couple of times, yet I can't seem to get over her. I feel like I've hit a roadblock.

We were together almost 6 years. I keep on having dreams about her lately with her and other guys and keep getting depressed and in horrible moods when I think about shit. And I always do, which sucks.

I gave her everything she wanted, hell, I gave her so much that she even owed me 1000$ after we broke up. I was so nice and caring and I'm not trying to sound vain but I really do believe I was a great guy to her. We never fought or had anything close to a bad fight.

Idk. I guess I'm scared about moving on. I've tried. And now that we haven't had contact in a couple of months it hurts worse. Like she hates me for no reason and I'm the bad one.

That's another thing, I feel like I'm the sacrifice and that there is something wrong with me, and that I wasn't good enough for her after all of that time and she thinks of me in a horrible light and doesn't miss me at all. I get scared that I'm going to be forgotten and that she's out fucking every guy she sees. Not that it matters after the fact but I feel like I'm just another notch on the wall to her. Even after being her fiancé for 6 years. Like she doesnt miss me. How can I miss her so much though? I can't seem to move on from this.

I've been seeing this girl for a couple of months and we've had a lot of sex(she was a virgin) but I made it clear to her my emotions about my ex and how it's really hurt me and affected my trust in pretty much everything. I don't trust women, and I feel like they will just cheat on you now. So me and this girl are just friends having sex, which is nice, but she has the same body type as my ex which probably doesnt help. Idk. Even with her, and everything she's done for me and helped me through(she was there when I found out my ex cheated on me) I can't seem to get over my ex. Ugh.

 

[RedNalgene]

trouble with the breakup

Disclaimer - I've never been engaged. I have been in a 5 year relationship before and when we called it off I was very hurt. For a long time. I thought about her every day after broke up, multiple times a day. Then it became once a day. Then once every couple of days. Then once a week, once a month, and now it's very infrequently. I still hurts occasionally, but it passes quick. When you make a connection like that with someone the feelings never completely go away. It's now been almost 2 years and it's only been within the last 6 months or so that I don't get those pangs as often. It will feel better, but give it time.

Once you're ready to open yourself up to a new relationship (friends with benefits doesn't count), that will help put the nail in the coffin with your feelings about your ex. It will go away, I promise. Trust will take time to build with your next significant other, but once you're open to trusting and are with the right person, it will come naturally. And as has been mentioned many times in this thread, you need to break off contact. Every time you see her post on FB, talk to her on IM, see her out, it will re-ignite those feelings. Hang in there.

 

[subversus]

I can't seem to get over my ex. Ugh.

it was painful to read.

I understand the hell you are going through even though I have never been with anyone for 6 years. But you have described a lot of stuff I felt during the breakup. What I suggest is to accept what happened. Yes, some people may betray you. It's ALWAYS a possibility. Even after 20 years together people can do horrible things to each other, not only betrayal. But you should just accept it and stop giving a damn. Because there is no other way if you want to live a life without pain and fear.

For now your mind just feeds on itself. You know nothing about your ex - what she does now, whom she fucks now, etc. So it's just your brain feeding on itself because it likes this activity. Stop making baseless assumptions, focus on what is happening now and what is beyond you. That is all you can do, there is no other way around this stuff.

 

[Branson]

Thanks guys. I'm hitting a rough patch with this stuff now. I did break contact, took her off of Facebook, etc. She was always the one who initiated it back in the first couple of months with playing a game with me, and then actually talking to me through text more after the night me and her talked for 4 hours about her giving me the money back and me finding out that she cheated on me. She texted me saying " Thank you for being you and handling this mess with grace and dignity, Youre more than I deserve, I'm a fucking mess, im so fucking stupid and im soo so sorry about all of this, it was nice seeing you, we are so natural around each other, it felt like a dream that I saw you, etc" which fucking still plays with my head to this day.

I just don't trust ANYTHING right now and I was never this cynical back before all of this. I still dont know why her cousins still follow me willingly on Facebook and more recently they did on Instagram too.

I would think they would be friending her new fuckmate now or something. UGH.

I felt like I did everything right. I didnt want to be THAT GUY after the breakup. I never contacted her, gave her space, never did anything other than after finding out she cheated, want my money back and tell her i knew, but i felt like I deserved to do that. I never once, even during that emotional night, did anything to wrong her. I wished her well, was nice about EVERYTHING. And left with diginty. I dont know what else to do really, right now.

edit, to be more clear, we havent talked in a couple of months, other than me saying happy birthday to her on the 6th of july.

 

[NeOak]

Branson, you're overthinking it. The cousins follow you because you are good in their book, nothing else.

Stop torturing with yourself. Don't talk with her ever again and block her on facebook.

You're investing yourself emotionally on your own.

 

[subversus]

You're investing yourself emotionally on your own.

yeah, this.

also fuck b-day congratulations, she doesn't exist for now.

 

[Kung Fu Grip]

I started later than you.

And as far as sex I've had 'overrated' sex and 'amazing' sex, it depends on the person and you.

But i thought it felt like warm apply pie? =o


Is a phone really needed if your trying to meet someone or just being more social? People at my job look at me like crazy when i tell them i don't have a phone, Facebook or Twitter.

 

[Arjen]

But i thought it felt like warm apply pie? =o


Is a phone really needed if your trying to meet someone or just being more social? People at my job look at me like crazy when i tell them i don't have a phone, Facebook or twitter.

At least a phone for texting.

 

[Acid08]

Guys, this girl I've been messing with for a while is taking things so slow. We've been messing around for more than a month now and we haven't gone beyond making out of the some boob and ass grabbing. I try to escalate things but she's super nervous about it. I'm bored and don't know how much longer I can stick with this.

 

[subversus]

But i thought it felt like warm apply pie? =o


Is a phone really needed if your trying to meet someone or just being more social? People at my job look at me like crazy when i tell them i don't have a phone, Facebook or Twitter.

yeah, I'd look the same way.

I mean you should at least have a mobile phone. Other shit is optional but Facebook wouldn't hurt. Just some basic profile and pics.

 

[low-G]

No, it's arrogant to think that I don't tip because I don't understand the system/industry and proceeding to be the 7,000th person to explain to me "how it works."

I said not to turn this into a tipping thread...it's just an anecdote to show my mindset. I find it funny that everyone that's for tipping thinks they need to explain how the service industry works to the non-tippers. I know how it works, and I've even worked in the industry, but I don't care. It's optional, if they want me to pay it, make it mandatory. I am a broke-ass college student with no job and no time for one. I'm not going to tip unless I am seriously impressed.

Why should I reward mediocrity? No one strives to get better if they are already being rewarded substantially for their mediocre efforts. I'm not trying to "change the system", I'm just showing the waiter that I have higher standards than most, and it takes more than mediocre service to impress me. And to the bold: you act like they don't get paid at all. And if they don't get paid enough, well then it will spur them on to be even better at their job so they get better tips. And to answer your question about how "seriously impressing me" is measured...well, it's if I remember them. If I want to talk to them other than to take my order. if I take genuine interest in them, when by default I don't take interest in people. If this person seems like a person I would want to hang out with or grab a beer with.

Now, some of you may say that I'm being hypocritical by spending this whole post talking about tipping, but for most of the above, swap money with time and "waiter" with "girl", and you have my attitude on dating.

You have exactly zero chance with almost any girl or human being in the world with your personality. Start fixing it now. There isn't going to be a girl who looks at a cheapskate 'the world owes me something special beyond everyone else' and thinks you're anything but a horrible person. Seriously you're sounding like a real sociopath, and not even the typical every day PUA / politician sociopaths.

But i thought it felt like warm apply pie? =o


Is a phone really needed if your trying to meet someone or just being more social? People at my job look at me like crazy when i tell them i don't have a phone, Facebook or Twitter.

I never stuck my dick in apple pie but even the 'mediocre' sex, yeah, vaginas are kind of unlike anything else.

Pretty much everyone has a phone with texting, and 100% of the girls I've dated have had texting and 95% of them had a smart phone (about 25% with data plans though) and the remaining 5% have gotten one since. Having a FB will make you seem more 'normal', but it's not really necessary. I barely use mine but it's nice to have some people on there. Twitter I just like to use, that's a preference. It's like a forum where you pick and choose the members.

There's always that possibility. It'd be one hell of a meeting story at least. But she wasn't even close to as attractive as the girl I was talking to (unless I've been talking to the wrong person the whole time). I kinda went Antitype on her though and deleted her number and all signs of her after she went crazy on me with book length hate texts last night. She's trolled me for about nine days so I'll never know what could've been.

She deleted me off of facebook before I even had a chance to consider the blind date. Online Succubus basically.

Edit: Seems like her account has been forcibly shut down.

Sounds like you evaded becoming a murder victim lol

 

[neptunes]

Anyone ever date while not owning your own car? has it ever become an issue with your GF/BF?

 

[low-G]

Guys, this girl I've been messing with for a while is taking things so slow. We've been messing around for more than a month now and we haven't gone beyond making out of the some boob and ass grabbing. I try to escalate things but she's super nervous about it. I'm bored and don't know how much longer I can stick with this.

I guess you can either talk about it or keep escalating? Direct boob-touching, playing with her nipples, getting her to take her bra off, all that if you haven't already. Rub her inner thighs and around her crotch?

What happens when she gets nervous? How does she have you pull back?

 

[windz]

Thank you all for your replys and thoughts. GAF always helps.

I talked to her today, I forgave her. She says she wont talk or hang out with "Martin" anymore.

All day it felt like I had baggage left over, stomach having a tight knot in it, shacking, weak - even though I forgave her for what she did.

That feeling is gone now. I do have images of her and this guy in my head and it's sickening.. It's hard for me to even picture her holding hands with another man. How do I stop this? Just keep talking to her, remember the times we had, and our future together?

I am fully committed to leaving everything behind and being with her.

I won't get to see her again for 3 months from today. She says we'll get through it together, but man, I don't know if I can take much more.

It sounds like you completely ignored every piece of advice given to you in this thread and are setting yourself up to go through the same bullshit over and over again. She has learned she can get away with it with "Martin" or whoever she pleases, and the fact you're willing to throw away what you have now for a chance to be hurt again is mind boggling.

Any further occasions where she cheats on your, hurts you, etc is your own fault and honestly, you had/have it coming.

 

[Furio53]

Guys, this girl I've been messing with for a while is taking things so slow. We've been messing around for more than a month now and we haven't gone beyond making out of the some boob and ass grabbing. I try to escalate things but she's super nervous about it. I'm bored and don't know how much longer I can stick with this.

is she a virgin or inexperienced? that might be why.

 

[Pachimari]

I dislike it how my girlfriend were chatting with a random guy on facebook last night and in his message he says she replied him late the night before but there are no messages. Yet, she knows I can read those messages but it's still annoying. It's not because they are chatting about anything (just casual, are u still sleeping? No etc talk). It annoys be because it really feels like it's easy for others to get in touch with her like, I don't understand why she have a need for chatting with a random guy?