Devolution
Member
Then you shouldn't be dating and you should be dealing with those depression issues before you even put yourself out there. If you're not even comfortable with who you are how do you expect someone else to like or love you?
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
Then you shouldn't be dating and you should be dealing with those depression issues before you even put yourself out there. If you're not even comfortable with who you are how do you expect someone else to like or love you?
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Then don't feel that way. Do you want to be shit? Then don't call your self shit.
I know it's hard, I struggle with the same crap. I have my highs and I have my lows, just like you do. The trick is to use all that momentum that you've built heading to that low and let it shoot you to an even higher high that previously before.
"Man, I'm feeling like shit tonight. Fuck. What can I change? Where can I improve?"
And then do work.
ThisWreckage
Banned
I agree with this, but self esteem is a funny thing. People either fancy themselves as gods or dogs and there are plenty of "dogs" that date.
You're being sarcastic, but it is entirely possible to be highly desirable and still have no friends or dating prospects. For some people, it takes a concerted effort to build those things.
Have fun, be social, make sure you're actively looking, and give it time.
I don't really know what I can change/improve. I already workout, so that's not really something that needs to be changed. Not sure what else I could "improve," you know?
Those seem like they would conflict though. You're only really desirable if you are actually desired, you know?
Those seem like they would conflict though. You're only really desirable if you are actually desired, you know?
An attitude doesn't take you all the way, but it'll get you to treat yourself with the respect you deserve, which will improve you materially as well. Then, at least for a while, this will snowball until you've become a much better 'you'.
I keep wanting to say this but I know it's not a thing for all of you, but I was a fat dude, so it was easy to see what one of my problems was and with the right amount of belief and commitment nip that problem in the bud and get amazing results. But everyone has this sort of stuff they can do to themselves, albeit maybe not as drastic.
The attitude must be followed by action. Maybe that action is getting over your fear and getting out & talking to people and making some friends, actual friends that treat you nice.
You're just fighting kicking and screaming against every piece of positivity people suggest to you. You like wallowing in self-pity. I've been there but never like that. I can't understand you.
Just look at the words. Desirable <- able to be desired. Desirable comes FIRST.
I just was saying that if nobody wants to be with you, then you're not really desirable. How is that not logical?
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Well, your attitude, for one.
No, it's not logical. Because you're afraid to go out and do the foot & mental work and grow so you're making excuses to yourself and everyone of why you shouldn't have to try. That's why you don't have friends.
I always try to change my attitude. I will get excited about it and be more happy about stuff, but usually by the end of the day, I'm back to where I started. It never sticks.
I have friends. Well, I had friends, but they all go to different colleges now and don't live anywhere near me, but I did have friends. I've never been worried about trying to make friends, as that's never been a concern in the past.
The problem is that some people don't have anybody to go out with, or their friends are busy at the time or whatever. It's not just that they don't wanna get out and meet new people, but that they don't know how to do it, or with whom.
Unrelated to that, and this is probably just me mumbling to myself, but I'm probably going to get a haircut soon and try a different style, I really hate the way I look right now, and most of the people I know agree with that. Hope it helps to boost some of my self-esteem and/or motivation, but I wouldn't bet money on that. Getting contact lenses is another thing I should do in the near future, and this time I gotta make sure I actually use them.
I just don't get what you mean. How does one just "change their head?" I mean, I try and have a more positive outlook on shit, but at the end of the day, nothing changes, and I usually just end up going back to how I felt before I make a conscious effort to try and be "more positive."
Personally I think it's because you're missing out on the important 'taking action' part. You have to go out and make material steps, do new things, meet new people because those material things will increase your value.
Nothing changes because you're still sitting around whining about things on NeoGAF.
Can't you see some kind of version of yourself that you'd like to be? Are you working towards that in your life right now? If not, start doing it TOMORROW. No excuses.
Anyways, that's all I'll say tonight because I do have a plans to do stuff with mah prime girl tomorrow.
I just don't know how to work on anything, because there's no simple, tangible way to do so. I mean, working out is easy. If you do the right exercises, with the right sets and reps, you eat right, etc., you will see results.
With this, to see a "better version of myself," I don't really know how to achieve that. Be more positive I guess? Try and go out more, even though all my friends are out of the area, and there's no place people just like chill at, which would be weird anyway. I mean, it's all a bit wishy-washy to me. There's no real definitive way to improve one's self in that way.
With this, to see a "better version of myself," I don't really know how to achieve that. Be more positive I guess? Try and go out more, even though all my friends are out of the area, and there's no place people just like chill at, which would be weird anyway. I mean, it's all a bit wishy-washy to me. There's no real definitive way to improve one's self in that way.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Are we really doing another round of "mostly successful daters giving Izick advice that ended up working for us but he doesn't accept it because for some reason he thinks he knows better"?
I've never seen a man be so defeatist at dealing with the same insecurity issues as everyone else but still pretend like he's the only person that has ever suffered it.
I've never seen a man be so defeatist at dealing with the same insecurity issues as everyone else but still pretend like he's the only person that has ever suffered it.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Is anything every really one sizes fits all and guaranteed?
Yes, unfortunately, though I personally wouldn't put me the "Mostly Successful" crowd, but I'm getting there.
Devolution
Member
Go out, meet new people, where do you live anyway? Wishy-washy? Being more social is always better.
stn
Member
One thing I think is key is to do what feels comfortable for you when meeting women. Things like hitting the gym should be done for the self, nothing else. Also, haircuts and all that stuff essentially won't add as much. Sure, you may look better with a different style but its the attitude that has to change first.
At the end of the day, you gotta be comfortable with you at your worst! Because one day you might be at your worst but will still have to tough it out and meet some girl. My last point is about being social: go out and meet some dudes! People sometimes have no friends and then go to events with the purpose of meeting women. This is wrong. Go for fun and excitement, let the women be a bonus.
You can achieve great success if women are never the focal part of what you're doing. This post is not directed at anyone, its just meant to convey my thoughts on a bunch of previous questions I've read here.
At the end of the day, you gotta be comfortable with you at your worst! Because one day you might be at your worst but will still have to tough it out and meet some girl. My last point is about being social: go out and meet some dudes! People sometimes have no friends and then go to events with the purpose of meeting women. This is wrong. Go for fun and excitement, let the women be a bonus.
You can achieve great success if women are never the focal part of what you're doing. This post is not directed at anyone, its just meant to convey my thoughts on a bunch of previous questions I've read here.
Mr_Appleby
Member
such relief, practically an orgasm in itself.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Awesome. Hopefully either both of you are into thrill rides or both of you aren't, hate it when the girl is all icky about getting on rollercoasters, because I'm a big fan.
Not that there are any rollercoasters in my city, have to ride them when out of town :\
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Key new girls?
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Based on context and on the proximity of the lets on the keyboard, I assume he meant to say "met new girls" but I'm just guessing.
Invite them to something sociable and fun tomorrow. An idea is mini golf or bowling. Depends on what you guys and they think are fun. If you can't decide, think of a few different options and let them choose.
Don't key them though. That won't get you anywhere.
What I'm about to say isn't advice, I don't expect you to do it, I'm just saying, in your shoes, I would do the following...and it won't come as ANY surprise to anyone...
I wouldn't fucking let her explain. Fuck that. She left, and the power is in her hands. She left on a whim and wants to tell you whenever the fuck she wants about what was going on...with absolutely no care about your feelings. Everything is on her terms. Well you know what? Fuck that. I don't need to hear some bs reason why she left. She will have a list of things she'll mention which ultimately are not important, she left because she simply didn't want to be with you anymore. I would pick up my shit ASAP and not want to hear from her. Ignore calls, emails, texts etc. To hell with her.
Well, my lead text was "Do you like six flags?" so hopefully "yeah I like six flags" means she also likes roller coasters, haha. I definitely do get annoyed when I go to places that focus on thrill rides and someone who came doesn't even enjoy them. wtfisthisshit.gif
Wanna tell me again what happened, I don't remember.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
That's never a good solution.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
You put yourself in that position, don't blame anyone but yourself.
If you want to be someone's friend, then go ahead and be it, but you should never be a friend for the sake of maybe one day "upgrading" to boyfriend status.
Izick:
I give you the same advice:
Forget about the dating scene
Look up clubs and activities in your area/school, join them, and try to enjoy yourself more in life.
Forget about the whole mating selection process, until you're enjoying yourself to a degree where it is no longer that important to you.
I'm in a successful relationship now and all my experiences are of successful relationships. My only lack of experience is in being single and chasing women in bars/clubs every weekend. That's why I never give pick-up advice, only women advice which is what I know.
Again, you're proving my point. Women don't necessarily go for the most attractive guy, but the total package, and he has to look good enough for her.
There are things such as leagues. Everyone's taste is different, but there are certainly leagues of attractiveness, and a guy on one of the lower leagues won't have a longlasting relationship with one from a much higher league without money, status, power, fame, etc.
Nah, you really haven't. Like I said before, either you're underrating the guys, or you're overrating the girls, or there's more to the story. Kate Upton doesn't date Napolean Dynamite unless there's more to the story. That's all there is to it. Keep debating that all you want, it won't change.
I'm not in a "dating" scene, thankfully.
I feel out of my depth with this girl. She seems so sure with what she wants in a relationship, sexually, everything. She's had several serious boyfriends, several less serious.
She started asking me about that stuff but my problem is being super shy my whole life up until 2 years ago or so, I never dated, I never had sex, hell, my first kiss was when I was 22! Her's was at 14. She started asking me about my dating life and I want to just bullshit but if I end up in a relationship I'll feel like the beginning was full of bullshit I made up but I feel like if I tell her I'm probably the most inexperienced person in relationships and sex then it might turn her off. I dunno what to do...
She started asking me about that stuff but my problem is being super shy my whole life up until 2 years ago or so, I never dated, I never had sex, hell, my first kiss was when I was 22! Her's was at 14. She started asking me about my dating life and I want to just bullshit but if I end up in a relationship I'll feel like the beginning was full of bullshit I made up but I feel like if I tell her I'm probably the most inexperienced person in relationships and sex then it might turn her off. I dunno what to do...
SquiddyCracker
Banned
You'll be surprised how people will react to you when you're honest and saying it with confidence. I mentioned this before but as an ongoing joke, I'd tell girls that I'm a virgin. Because that I'm not I say that loud and proudly. To my surprise I get girls saying "Oh shut up no you're not" and then later when we're alone they would brush up on me, play with their hair and say "wait, are you really?" They become intrigued.
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
Izick said:
Same here.
My moods are over the place. One minute im positive about everything- i'll get a girl soon, no worries, this will happen, that will happen etc- but then later im back to- WTF am i doing?, im never going to get a girl, don't even try, your ugly, girls don't like you.
It sucks. Like right now im in a good mood. Im about to head out the city and i got positive vibes flowing through me. Lets see how long this last.
EDIT- @MVP- Girls are more pickier than guys too.
jasonng said:
O_O
Probably nothing, depends what's in the messages. Can you give an example?
Baggatoast
Member
What I would do is cut back on the text frequency. You might be crowding her with texts.
Don't read too far into it, it could be nothing.
Worry less or text less. Choose your adventure. I'd focus on the former.
Just like when we're flirting. I am a witty dude, but I look at my iPhone and it looks like all my blue responses have more text. Like other replys on here, probably just looking to much into it.
Also, say if you comment/ask questions in one text, women seem to only respond to what ever detail catches their eye and wont hit the other stuff.
Your just like me. It seems like I tend to add more to my text than anything.
I honestly think you add more details than she does. Which isn't a problem but she is probably kind of short and to the point.
I'm not.
Count Dookkake
Member
That you are trying too hard.
Text less. I recommend nothing other than concrete facts, like what time a show starts, or the address of a restaurant. But I am old fashioned in this regard.
- Status