Support NeoGAF

[Etrian Oddity]

Doing what?

Dookkake's probably inferring that you aren't being upfront enough with girls, nor are you letting your romantic intentions be known, nor are you escalating kino.

That said, having a laid-back personality by default often places you in the friendzone even if you're extremely upfront with your approach. (How I've been FZ after escalating kino and making it very clear I'm sexually attracted to girls, I do not know.)

 

[neos]

(How I've been FZ after escalating kino and making it very clear I'm sexually attracted to girls, I do not know.)

You stole my thought

 

[Cubsfan23]

That said, having a laid-back personality by default often places you in the friendzone

No.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

No.

Yes. Being laid-back is very often misconstrued as being "boring," while the two are very different.

 

[Vibed]

Yes. Being laid-back is very often misconstrued as being "boring," while the two are very different.

I've been friendzoned before few times it might have been due to this, I think. Being more assertive has helped me significantly.

 

[subversus]

So at the library again, this chick was giving me the signals. But the problem is, she is studying to become a doctor and I am a nobody studying high school calculus (I plan on going to university next year). Due to the degree gap I just shrugged her off completely. Good move or bad move?

bad move imo. When you are young this shit doesn't matter unless she's a natural born gold digger/wants to start a family at 18-19.

Yes. Being laid-back is very often misconstrued as being "boring," while the two are very different.

may be by 18-25 year old girls.

 

[zethren]

Just don't allow yourself to become an emotional outlet for her, resulting in "I feel like I can tell you anything!" or other friend-zoning phrases like that. Don't be super available to her, which can lead to becoming that emotional outlet. This can go for both sexes, of course.

People really do tend to friend-zone themselves before they realize they are doing it.

 

[subversus]

the best way not to be friendzoned is to go after chicks that find you sexually attractive. That is all. I haven't been friendzoned since university.

 

[SpectreFire]

Yes. Being laid-back is very often misconstrued as being "boring," while the two are very different.

No.

If you're laid-back and being construed as boring, it's not because you're laid-back, it's because you're boring.

 

[subversus]

No.

If you're laid-back and being construed as boring, it's not because you're laid-back, it's because you're boring.

also THIS!

 

[Count Dookkake]

Yeah, "laid back" does not equal "boring" or "pushover."

 

[Minamu]

Yes. Being laid-back is very often misconstrued as being "boring," while the two are very different.

You live in a different reality then

Izick: :lol Yes, that's what I was going for, fail

 

[SpectreFire]

What the hell. This girl is giving me shit for using a Journey reference in my opening message

Well fuck her.

You're not worth it you if you can't respect musical greatness.

 

[Arjen]

How the hell is laid back the same as boring?

 

[Desperado]

Exactly, and I can totally undertsand why she would have trepidation if she wanted a relationship that way. The whole previous boyfriend dying and her being there weighed heavy on her and with my Cystic Fibrosis I know I will die, she knows I will die. When that will happen I don't know, but she probably feels like she doesn't have thet strength to deal with it. I totally understand that and respect her for it. Your basically dating a ticking timebomb with me and it takes a special kind of person to shack up with anyone who has a terminal illness.

On the other hand... a change in behavior, especially in your situation, having known each other for so long, is generally a good indicator of a change in emotion. You may be right about her feeling reluctant, but in the right moment, I think bringing up the topic of 'something more than friends,' whether by words or actions, wouldn't be inappropriate. There at least seems to be some complexity of feelings on her end. You never know what she may be holding back.

What the hell. This girl is giving me shit for using a Journey reference in my opening message

Well fuck her.

You're not worth it you if you can't respect musical greatness.

Don't let this stuff get under your skin. It's just a girl.

 

[Vermillion]

What the hell. This girl is giving me shit for using a Journey reference in my opening message

Well fuck her.

You're not worth it you if you can't respect musical greatness.

Lmao

 

[AdventureRacing]

Laid back guys get mistaken as boring, WHAT? The guys doing the best with girls are the laid back ones.

 

[Remyzero]

What a night...I might have just blew my chances with this girl I've been seeing for the past month. According to her both of us aren't ready to take it to the next level. She said she hopes we remain friends for a long time. I just don't know what to think about that.

 

[subversus]

I just don't know what to think about that.

Don't think about that.

Next!

Spoiler

but keep this one as a friend just in case

 

[electricshake]

So I hooked up with a guy I met at a wedding a couple of weekends ago, we swapped numbers and he added me to facebook. I went on holiday shortly after but he suggested we do something when I got back. We talked a couple of times on fb chat while I was away. I got home yesterday and suggested we go for a drink at the weekend but he said he was busy. He didn't offer an alternative though, so does this mean he's not interested? Am I just over thinking this?

 

[Log4Girlz]

So I hooked up with a guy I met at a wedding a couple of weekends ago, we swapped numbers and he added me to facebook. I went on holiday shortly after but he suggested we do something when I got back. We talked a couple of times on fb chat while I was away. I got home yesterday and suggested we go for a drink at the weekend but he said he was busy. He didn't offer an alternative though, so does this mean he's not interested? Am I just over thinking this?

Maybe, maybe not. Don't ask again, don't communicate again, the ball is in his court...if he never asks you out, then sorry, he's not interested.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

What the hell. This girl is giving me shit for using a Journey reference in my opening message

Well fuck her.

You're not worth it you if you can't respect musical greatness.

Did you tell her you were a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit?

 

[Etrian Oddity]

No.

If you're laid-back and being construed as boring, it's not because you're laid-back, it's because you're boring.

Yeah, "laid back" does not equal "boring" or "pushover."

You live in a different reality then

Haha let me join yours then! I've seen several cases where guys who are easy-going and have otherwise exciting lives (rock-climbing, own their own business, etc) were written off as "boring" because they weren't assertive.

And I've heard plenty of girls equate laid back, boring, nice, and pushover all the same.

...I hate being surrounded by 18-25 y/os sometimes. :\

 

[Snowman]

Haha let me join yours then! I've seen several cases where guys who are easy-going and have otherwise exciting lives (rock-climbing, own their own business, etc) were written off as "boring" because they weren't assertive.

And I've heard plenty of girls equate laid back, boring, nice, and pushover all the same.

...I hate being surrounded by 18-25 y/os sometimes. :\

Wat? You can be laid back and assertive.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

What's your thoughts on kissing (lips of course) on the second date? I'm not gonna be that guy that's gonna "go for the kill" maan! Nor am I gonna base my night on kissing her, just gonna let the night take it's course and maybe kiss her after walking to her door, or at a nice relaxing, open air walk at the end of the night.

What say you GAF? Too soon on the second date? I just don't want to take my sweet time in case I end up in the...you guessed it the FZ.

 

[SniperHunter]

So at the library again, this chick was giving me the signals. But the problem is, she is studying to become a doctor and I am a nobody studying high school calculus (I plan on going to university next year). Due to the degree gap I just shrugged her off completely. Good move or bad move?

I mean if I go up to her, education will come into discussion. What am I suppose to say? "Lol I am learning grade 12 calculus, nice to meet you, oh and you are trying to become a doc! great!' Will that be self humiliation on my part? Feels bad man....

edit: I won't be talking to her again, cause I blew all my chances yesterday. Just a question on, how to approach super hot intelligent women!
BTW this developed over a period of 3 or 4 months, more recently she started glancing, smiling at me etc.

this girl was only interested in friendzoning me, she already has a hot buff boyfriend (I saw him for the first time today, and he was looking angrily at me but I kept doing my work.)

 

[EviLore]

What's your thoughts on kissing (lips of course) on the second date? I'm not gonna be that guy that's gonna "go for the kill" maan! Nor am I gonna base my night on kissing her, just gonna let the night take it's course and maybe kiss her after walking to her door, or at a nice relaxing, open air walk at the end of the night.

What say you GAF? Too soon on the second date? I just don't want to take my sweet time in case I end up in the...you guessed it the FZ.

 

[SniperHunter]

hahah nice shirt (and great attitude too!)

 

[SpectreFire]

 

[Minamu]

Just kiss her when you want to. There are no rules.

Spoiler

don't take that the wrong way...

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

#YOLO

 

[ecurbj]

I bet you he got her too. Damn it! Makes me even more encourage to go out there!!!!

 

[UFRA]

What's your thoughts on kissing (lips of course) on the second date? I'm not gonna be that guy that's gonna "go for the kill" maan! Nor am I gonna base my night on kissing her, just gonna let the night take it's course and maybe kiss her after walking to her door, or at a nice relaxing, open air walk at the end of the night.

What say you GAF? Too soon on the second date? I just don't want to take my sweet time in case I end up in the...you guessed it the FZ.

It's not too soon. In fact, it's just the right time if your chemistry has progressed since the first date. If things feel the same or worse than the first date, obviously don't kiss.

And remember the 90/10 rule. You lean in 90% of the way, and let her finish the last 10% distance. lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSpJQlBJCzA

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Ha! Never heard of the 90/10 rule! never seen Hitch either, maybe I should watch it before the weekend, that 3.5 minute of video was very educational.

Thank you sir.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Ha! Never heard of the 90/10 rule! never seen Hitch either, maybe I should watch it before the weekend, that 3.5 minute of video was very educational.

Thank you sir.

90/10 works.

 

[NihonTiger90]

So the girl I met last week is meeting up with me again on Sunday (she wasn't available until Saturday evening) and the plan is to spend as much of the day with her doing stuff around town as possible. We've been texting back and forth since we went to dinner last week and she is awesome as far as personality goes. We seem, at least at the moment, to mesh pretty well and it feels at times like she knows what I'm thinking because she's thinking the same thing.

Hopefully, Sunday goes well.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

90/10 works.

Don't just say it works, do you have a real life scenario to back it with?

I don't wanna sit there and embarrass myself with a duck face, she'll probably laugh her ass off, walk into her apartment and never call me again!

 

[Log4Girlz]

Don't just say it works, do you have a real life scenario to back it with?

I don't wanna sit there and embarrass myself with a duck face, she'll probably laugh her ass off, walk into her apartment and never call me again!

I've had three experiences with 90/10 or rather, 99/1 haha. We're having a great time and being playful, flirty and I reach in for a kiss to their cheek, purposely close to their lips...and they will purposely move their lips to reach mine. Sometimes it takes a few such kisses through the night before they finally go for it

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

I've had three experiences with 90/10 or rather, 99/1 haha. We're having a great time and being playful, flirty and I reach in for a kiss to their cheek, purposely close to their lips...and they will purposely move their lips to reach mine. Sometimes it takes a few such kisses through the night before they finally go for it

That just sounds really awkward, but I am going for it, cool thanks.. also gonna watch Hitch before the date.

 

[Log4Girlz]

That just sounds really awkward, but I am going for it, cool thanks.. also gonna watch Hitch before the date.

If it worries you, just try it the one time. I've found myself in situations where loving kisses to the cheek kinda worked

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

If it worries you, just try it the one time. I've found myself in situations where loving kisses to the cheek kinda worked

Yes, It may work if you or on your like 5th-6th date and everything has gone ok since and you feel physically comfortable with her, but for the very first kiss...?

You don't kiss her on the cheek, that'll just be a little odd, and kill more "fiery!" and tense moments that you could've created later on.. it's like taking the cake out of the over prematurely and you just got this half baked thing, and it will never be the same even if you shove it back in the oven again... Different strokes for different folks. Also I like to kiss my mother on the cheek!

 

[Tess3ract]

If you don't kiss on the first date, you're either a prude or she is.

Or she doesn't like you. I have never had a date where I don't at least get a kiss at the end.

 

[Razorskin]

If you don't kiss on the first date, you're either a prude or she is.

Or she doesn't like you. I have never had a date where I don't at least get a kiss at the end.

Nothing wrong with being a prude.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

If you don't kiss on the first date, you're either a prude or she is.

Or she doesn't like you. I have never had a date where I don't at least get a kiss at the end.

This is dumb. All of my best dates have ended with a hug or handshake or something, and you know the connection is there, and you have an amazing kiss at the end of the second date. You have so much build-up from waiting since the first date and you confirm just how well you connect, so the kiss at the end there is way stronger than just "going for it" the first time.

 

[SpectreFire]

If you don't kiss on the first date, you're either a prude or she is.

Or she doesn't like you. I have never had a date where I don't at least get a kiss at the end.

Yes, It may work if you or on your like 5th-6th date and everything has gone ok since and you feel physically comfortable with her, but for the very first kiss...?

You don't kiss her on the cheek, that'll just be a little odd, and kill more "fiery!" and tense moments that you could've created later on.. it's like taking the cake out of the over prematurely and you just got this half baked thing, and it will never be the same even if you shove it back in the oven again... Different strokes for different folks. Also I like to kiss my mother on the cheek!

Not necessarily. Remember communication theory. the medium is the message. The message you're trying to send isn't as important as the way you send it. In this case, the way you deliver that kiss, is much more important than where you land it.

You can kiss a person on the cheek in a way that's a lot more seductive than kissing them on the lips.

 

[Devolution]

If you don't kiss on the first date, you're either a prude or she is.

Or she doesn't like you. I have never had a date where I don't at least get a kiss at the end.

I don't think absolute statements such as this one help anyone and just make them feel inadequate. I mean I fucked on the first date so...

 

[Vermillion]

If you don't kiss on the first date, you're either a prude or she is.

Or she doesn't like you. I have never had a date where I don't at least get a kiss at the end.

You a Sith?

 

[subversus]

if you don't fuck bareback on the first date you are a loser and a pushover.

 

[Arjen]

What's your thoughts on kissing (lips of course) on the second date? I'm not gonna be that guy that's gonna "go for the kill" maan! Nor am I gonna base my night on kissing her, just gonna let the night take it's course and maybe kiss her after walking to her door, or at a nice relaxing, open air walk at the end of the night.

What say you GAF? Too soon on the second date? I just don't want to take my sweet time in case I end up in the...you guessed it the FZ.

My experience, if there's no kissing on the second date, there isn't going to be any kissing at all.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

My experience, if there's no kissing on the second date, there isn't going to be any kissing at all.

This.