Honestly I prefer non-American girls. They seem to know how to deal with quiet and don't write a guy off so quickly.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Honestly I prefer non-American girls. They seem to know how to deal with quiet and don't write a guy off so quickly.
"Hello. Having fun? How's the weekend treating you so far? I'm John Doe btw." Or something like that. Unless you're really socially awkward or just out to get something from her, you won't be creepy. It helps if you don't expect anything but normal responses to the questions. Simply put, don't have an agenda with the conversation.
Xun, I think the "having fun" at college thing is a myth because I'm currently up to my eyeballs in work. Haha...
So don't get too bummed out about it because I'm currently finishing up my senior year and I haven't gone to a single party or done anything fun at my university ever since I transferred from BJU to the University of South Carolina Upstate.
There were plenty of opportunities in college for me to have fun, but I felt restricted for a number of reasons.
Most of my friends became incredibly confident during their time at college, and I believe that is partially down to them living in on campus. For me I didn't, and I deeply regret it.
At least you have/had the guts to speak to people outside of your class! Aside from the times when I got introduced to people, I never really met anyone outside of my class (I say class because in the UK you just study 1 subject, so you're with the same group of people every day).
I actually can't tell you just how low I've been feeling since I started this job (which isn't even in my industry). The people are nice, the pay is alright, but it's not creative and it's not what I studied back in college. Alongside that I physically can't get over the fact I won't be having as much free time as I had during college, or when I was unemployed. I just feel like I'm growing up too fast when all I want to do is live my adolescence.
I just feel my life going further downhill with each passing day, and there's nothing I can do about it. I had trouble during college, let alone now when I'm vastly more restricted. I've been in this thread for nearly 4 iterations now, and since then I've barely changed at all.
Also seriously, if there was a reset button, I'd hit it.
luckyboyceo
Member
I have a friend who described his life situation in an eerily similar fashion to yours. I remember him saying something along the lines of his life needing a "reset." You know what he did? He got up and moved to Hawaii, essentially started a new life for himself and got the reset he was talking about, and has been extremely happy ever since.
Now, I'm not saying you should drop everything and pursue a new life elsewhere, but maybe a change in scenery could be good for you? My apologies, I haven't been keeping up with your story, but is this something you've thought of? Regardless, I think a change of some sort would be good for you, Xun. Of course, just moving somewhere isn't necessarily going to change what it is that you want to change in life, you have to be willing to take the right steps to do that as well, but a large move or a change in scenery to somewhere where you know next to nobody is probably the closest thing you'll get in life to a reset.
This is something I struggle with as well. Never had success meeting anyone (both men and women) in a bar setting before, whereas in a classroom setting I'm extremely social and meet plenty of people. I suppose it all comes down to where you're comfortable.
Tell her that ain't cool if she doesn't agree and proceeds to see the other guy bail.
This is so true. Moving to another town and starting college two years ago was the greatest idea I've ever had
With some luck, I'll be able to say the same thing again in a year or two when I'm done here.white dynamite
Member
I'm awful at texting gaf.
Back Story
There's a girl I met over a month ago who lives about two hours away and she had just gotten out of a long relationship. We met up a few times and would hang out and then hook up (make out; nothing more). I felt WAY more strongly for her than she did for me, and we talked for a while (via phone) but then ultimately ceased communication, partly because I think she lost interest and because I was too clingy and was willing to do anything for her.
So we didn't talk for two weeks, and during that time I gained some perspective -- although I wanted a relationship, it just realistically wasn't possible. I knew it's not what she wanted (she just wanted a rebound), and for me, although I wanted a relationship, it just wasn't realistic since she lived faraway and I was (and still am) up to my eyes in school work.
Anyway, after two weeks, I texted her yesterday and she sent me back some flirty texts.
"i wish you were here...could use a man...(to get rid of these ants)"
"i was hoping someone could save me, ha." (in regards to the ant infestation)
She texted me that last one early yesterday evening, but I was busy and couldn't respond.
My emotions were pretty hurt (I really really liked her GAF
) but I've come to accept that she doesn't see me that way. I've put in a lot of work into her, and I don't want to see it go down the drain, so I'm wondering how can I salvage this and turn it into a friends with benefits situation.
I was wrapped around her finger for a while, but I'm aware of that now and I don't want that. Going off that last text, how do I close the deal and get her to come over to me?
Back Story
There's a girl I met over a month ago who lives about two hours away and she had just gotten out of a long relationship. We met up a few times and would hang out and then hook up (make out; nothing more). I felt WAY more strongly for her than she did for me, and we talked for a while (via phone) but then ultimately ceased communication, partly because I think she lost interest and because I was too clingy and was willing to do anything for her.
So we didn't talk for two weeks, and during that time I gained some perspective -- although I wanted a relationship, it just realistically wasn't possible. I knew it's not what she wanted (she just wanted a rebound), and for me, although I wanted a relationship, it just wasn't realistic since she lived faraway and I was (and still am) up to my eyes in school work.
Anyway, after two weeks, I texted her yesterday and she sent me back some flirty texts.
"i wish you were here...could use a man...(to get rid of these ants)"
"i was hoping someone could save me, ha." (in regards to the ant infestation)
She texted me that last one early yesterday evening, but I was busy and couldn't respond.
My emotions were pretty hurt (I really really liked her GAF
) but I've come to accept that she doesn't see me that way. I've put in a lot of work into her, and I don't want to see it go down the drain, so I'm wondering how can I salvage this and turn it into a friends with benefits situation.I was wrapped around her finger for a while, but I'm aware of that now and I don't want that. Going off that last text, how do I close the deal and get her to come over to me?
What's your history with women? It sounds like you're in the friendzone and you probably know what that means. This won't be easy no matter what you write in your texts from here on out. The most sounds advice would be to learn from it and not be so needy with the next girl instead. As always, strive for a life of abundance so you won't need to worry about salvaging anything, because that's only gonna do more long term harm.
white dynamite
Member
I've just recently started to come out of my shell, so confidence around women (as well as dating women) is something still new to me. During these last two weeks without talking to her, I've made some personal progress. I've talked to a lot more girls and got two numbers to show for it (the girls didn't particularly interest me, but I wanted to know I had the capability), planned out a rough blueprint of my future, applied for some jobs, and talked to a therapist about some of my anxiety issues so now I feel much more in tune with myself. My time with her has definitely been a good learning experience, but I just feel like I should maximize what I have left with her. She's gorgeous and cool (and even a bit clingy; or so my friends say, but that's a different story), and if she's flirting and providing an opportunity to get with her, why not act upon it? Or do you think it would be better if I just stop contacting her and move on?
So, just updating GAF on me. I've met a girl that I've started a relationship with. She asked me, and I said yes. Just a week now. I like her personality, interests, her body, more than any girl I've met.
I wish I could lay out all the things I've learned and all the things I must do going forward, but there is simply too much.
As with anything or anyone there's issues, but I feel really good about things. It should be interesting going forward.
We've had one sort-of-argument (no raised voices, but both of us upset), and I managed to pull back. She wanted to cuddle when I wanted to talk, but I didn't give in and I gained a little ground, seemingly. But it turned out she was sort of testing me anyways.
You've got to be strong but also be willing to compromise. It's tricky business.
I wish I could lay out all the things I've learned and all the things I must do going forward, but there is simply too much.
As with anything or anyone there's issues, but I feel really good about things. It should be interesting going forward.
We've had one sort-of-argument (no raised voices, but both of us upset), and I managed to pull back. She wanted to cuddle when I wanted to talk, but I didn't give in and I gained a little ground, seemingly. But it turned out she was sort of testing me anyways.
You've got to be strong but also be willing to compromise. It's tricky business.
PumpkinPie
Banned
What's a good idea for a winter date that is interesting/ unusual but also not too cold? I was gonna take this girl out to the zoo but we both hate cold and now I'm stumped. I don't want any of that boring dinner date/ coffee/ cinema stuff.
Bwahahaha...not to make light of the situation, but this is a rite of passage.
Yes, it was the right decision.
Perspicacity
Banned
So you just mean indoor dates? Cooking classes, art galleries, live theater, live music.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Still working on those dating sites, seems like an endless thing at times.
I sent her a message a few days ago and she hasn't replied, and I can't figure out if it means she somehow didn't get it or if she's just not interested. But if she just wasn't interested, why would she give me a way to contact her?
I can't stop thinking about this, running through it in my head and trying to figure out what the best approach from here is and if I still even have a shot or if I should just give up and leave her alone. Shit's driving me insane.
I can't stop thinking about this, running through it in my head and trying to figure out what the best approach from here is and if I still even have a shot or if I should just give up and leave her alone. Shit's driving me insane.
PumpkinPie
Banned
Yeah, I guess have just said indoor dates
Those ideas sound good. Maybe I could find some kind of weird museum or exhibit.The personal work you're doing is great, and will help you a lot moving forwards. It's precisely such things that make you a better person and more attractive to be around which in turn will make your future encounters with women smoother. The fact that you write that you want to maximize your time with her is not a very good mindset though (an understandable one though!). With time, you won't feel that way around women because you truly realize that she's not the last woman on earth. You already know that of course, but perhaps not really *know* it. If friends say she's clingy and send you such texts, you might find yourself being used later on. Or not, who knows
Walking away from it, especially when you don't really want to, is when you'll grow the most. It's up to you though, and if you really want to become FWB's with her, you have to get physical and keep the tension sexual. If she flirts with you, flirt back. Invite her over, you'll know pretty fast if she's interested or not that way. If you're friendzoned though, it will more than likely to be impossible to get with this girl (and it's rarely worth the effort trying to get out of that swamp anyway). The distance might be an issue too, and you might also fall back into clingy mode yourself. Know that when two people want different things like in this case, one is bound to get hurt, and probably real bad too.You mean on live? Did she accept the friend request? If yes, then you're probably fine. It's impossible for a live text message to "get lost" so yes, she has either not seen it, not had the time to respond, or she doesn't care. Honestly, she probably gets bombarded with friend requests from customers and is just being polite, but who knows. You don't, and you shouldn't care as much
The best approach is to simply let it go. If you make a new friend to play with, great, if not, who cares. Don't spam her with any more messages either way until she responds (spam = anything over 1 message!). Getting a gamertag does NOT equal "having a shot" at her for that matter.white dynamite
Member
The personal work you're doing is great, and will help you a lot moving forwards. It's precisely such things that make you a better person and more attractive to be around which in turn will make your future encounters with women smoother. The fact that you write that you want to maximize your time with her is not a very good mindset though (an understandable one though!). With time, you won't feel that way around women because you truly realize that she's not the last woman on earth. You already know that of course, but perhaps not really *know* it. If friends say she's clingy and send you such texts, you might find yourself being used later on. Or not, who knows
Thanks for the excellent advice, Minamu. Your perspective really helps, and after reading what you said and mulling it over a bit, I think a FWBs situation with her would probably lead to a dead end and more likely than not distract me from my goals here (why focus on a girl so far away when there are plenty here?). And a FWBs situation with her could possibly bring some latent feelings I have back into the foreground, and that definitely wouldn't end well for me if that happens.
One last thing: how do I go about responding to her text message from yesterday? I'm new to this, but is it rude if I just ignore/avoid contact with her from this point on?
Sounds like you have it figured out, good for you
It's great that you take your goals so seriously. It's smart to prioritize them, for sure. As for the texts, I don't know :S I'd find it rude but on the other hand, she'll get over it. Would it be an inconvenience to be regular friends though? If you had neither nothing to win nor anything to lose, what would you write her? Try to be carefree about it all white dynamite
Member
Sounds like you have it figured out, good for you
Friends wouldn't be bad.
When we stopped talking for 2 weeks, I accepted that she moved on/wasn't interested. Yesterday when I texted her, I did it with the intentions of just being friends, nothing more. But then she started flirting which threw me off -- hence these last few posts.
It bugs me to leave her last text suspended, without a response, but I'll send her a "friendly" text in a couple of days and then go from there.
Sounds reasonable enough. Reaching out with an intention like that is risky but if you're only looking for friendship, I don't see any real harm in it. As long as you believe yourself to be number one in your life, a lot of things come to you naturally, as long as you believe it's possible and you deserve it, which we all do, or should believe.
TheGuardian
Member
So GAF, I've decided to give Match.com a try and see how this online dating thing works.
I've had lots of girls visiting my profile and clicking the "I'm interested" button, or winking, but never replying to my messages. The weird part is that they are doing this after I sent the message, leaving me wondering if they received the message at all. Any thoughts on this?
I've had lots of girls visiting my profile and clicking the "I'm interested" button, or winking, but never replying to my messages. The weird part is that they are doing this after I sent the message, leaving me wondering if they received the message at all. Any thoughts on this?
OK guys read this post for reference
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=41629674&highlight=#post41629674
OK this past week she did it again she was on her way to my house but said she had to stop to get something...she was sounding suspect the whole time so I decided to go to the same place I caught her the last time.... and she was there to see the dude again. This time she didn't stay long but nonetheless she was being sneaky again so I called her out on it and she copped to it saying he's just a friend and I told her that's OK and you shouldn't have to lie to me. Then today I said I wanted to talk about it cause I'm having a hard time getting over it and she snapped basically saying that I'm just like every other guy and can't handle her having guy friends and that she's getting her stuff from my house.
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=41629674&highlight=#post41629674
OK this past week she did it again she was on her way to my house but said she had to stop to get something...she was sounding suspect the whole time so I decided to go to the same place I caught her the last time.... and she was there to see the dude again. This time she didn't stay long but nonetheless she was being sneaky again so I called her out on it and she copped to it saying he's just a friend and I told her that's OK and you shouldn't have to lie to me. Then today I said I wanted to talk about it cause I'm having a hard time getting over it and she snapped basically saying that I'm just like every other guy and can't handle her having guy friends and that she's getting her stuff from my house.
They're probably on free accounts that can't read and/or send messages so they wink at you instead. It's like being trapped behind a pane of glass
Dump her.
luckyboyceo
Member
How about ice skating? It's a little cliché but I've always gotten wonderful responses from it.
Besides, if you're like me and don't skate more than once every 5 years, it gives you an opportunity to embarrass yourself in a fun and casual light.
EDIT: Whoops, I suppose this depends on your climate. Here in Seattle, our ice skating is always indoors so it's hardly too cold. Might be different depending on where you live.
If it was:
Me: "What's your Gamertag? We should play Halo some time."
Her: "Here you go." -Writes down Gamertag-
Then sure, that doesn't mean anything.
But it was:
Me: "We should hang out some time."
Her: "Sure!" -Writes down Gamertag-
I mean, I'm clearly not an expert on women, but maybe you can see how I interpreted that as, "Yes, I am interested in doing something with you," and how her lack of replies has left me a little baffled.
Uhh. If she had given you her number, I could see her wanting to do something. But a gamertag? Not sure if worse than being given an email address.
Perspicacity
Banned
You asked her if she wanted to hang out and play video games, did you not? I'm not saying she definitely doesn't want to hang out with you in person, but you did sort of leave yourself open to this.
luckyboyceo
Member
Yeah, I echo this opinion.
I don't see her giving out her gamertag as any indication of interest, other than you being someone to play video games with.
If she thought you couldn't handle her male friends, then wouldn't she have mentioned that she was going to hang out with him?
Most likely, she is lashing out at you over her guilt. Be firm with her. Just say, I don't care if you have male friends, that isn't the issue. The issue is you lying to me about it. What am I supposed to think if you lie about meeting up with a friend?
edit* then dump her. you'll be better off.
Had an good date last night - It reminded me how they should go. There's little more engaging that when a woman can teach me something, especially in my area of interest. Smart is sexy.
She did seem quite nervous (In a good way, hopefully), so we left it at a hug, but she seems interested. I've texted her this morning about going out again. Fingers crossed.
She did seem quite nervous (In a good way, hopefully), so we left it at a hug, but she seems interested. I've texted her this morning about going out again. Fingers crossed.
Fine. You guys win.
Back to self-loathing and convincing myself that no woman could ever be interested in me it is, then.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Just go back to the store and ask her to hang out after work..?
She could still be interested, but maybe the signals you gave her made her confused.
I've tried that. I don't know when she works, she hasn't been there when I've gone, and I imagine it would make me seem like a weird creepy stalker if I went every day.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Indeed it would. Ah well, be happy you took initiative. Not much more you can do.
Alright I'm just feeling like writing this one off my chest. This is neither a pity nor bragpost, I just want to throw one more story into the stew and hope to get some responses.
One year ago i fell for a girl. I met her at a party where I only knew one guy and I enjoy doing this kind of endeavour because you always meet new people. We talked casually until she discovered that i like Firefly. From this point she turned into crazy-cute-mode. You know the type of girl, adorable looks, skinny-small and a smile cute as a button occasionally going "OHMYGOD you know browncoats.. LETS MARRY!" I fell for this euphoric cuteness and we met up for an evening of watching series a couple of weeks later. After two bottles of wine we started making out and the evening turned into a lot of fumbling, biting and other crazy shit she (and i) were into. After I woke up she made clear that she had to study for some classpaper that was due, so i left. There were no kisses at the door, which felt awkward for me.
The following weeks i tried very hard to get another date with her. I made clear that I have feelings for her and that we should try to at least date casually some more and see where it gets us. She gave me a couple of rainchecks and when we met for lunch at the university and i asked directly for a traditional date or movie night, she said she's pretty busy and asked if its not enough to have lunch together. By than I gave her the nickname "crazy maybe" and joked about writing a song about her with a producer buddy of mine (yea.. the irony of that #callmemaybe).
Fast forwarding another couple of months. We had one more date and it was technically very good. I managed a kiss at the door the next morning but other than that, nothing changed. In the following time i accepted that nothing serious could develop there. I Mosby'ed it up by saying that i had a crush on her and was trying way too hard on a girl that wasnt conventional. She apologized from time to time very honestly how bad a person she is and that i really should not waste my time on her because she is weird, doesn't know which gender she's really into and unpredictable. She also gave up a bit of her backstory, which was the breakup with her last fiance shortly before getting married. One of these apologetic moments happened via facebook whilst I had a party in my room. I told her she could apologize in person and come over here. We havent seen each other in months and she spontaniously agreed. She brought the boyfriend of her roommate with her, which was fine up until the moment I was making out with crazy maybe in a club and he budged in and told her they need to go. I argued with him to no end and that was the last i've seen of her.
We were planning another date in the last couple of weeks but nothing came out of it, because she always found an excuse. The whole girl situation over the last couple of months can be described this way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPw-3e_pzqU
Now I had a couple of girls in between the intervals with crazy maybe but none of those felt like anything I wanted to date further. Still I tried it with another girl for over a month. From the outside it was perfect and we are very similair types but i just had no feelings for her so i broke up with her. Some other girls I not even tried a relationship with because the experiences and bond i felt to with crazy maybe was not to be felt with them. Still, I know that it can only be a question of time that the next "right" girl steps into the scenery.
Last week I was at my neighbours house. I didnt really want to go, but i had nothing better to do. We played some rounds of drunk-Jenga. A game where you have to remove a block from a tower of blocks without it collapsing. On the bottom of each block is a task that has to do with drinking. After some bottles of beer they packed up for the club and I decided to join them spontainiously. It was a thursday night and this particular club is packed with people on this day of the week. There was no room to dance because of it so I went up to the smoking-lounge. After some cigarettes this one girl from the neighbours party came to me and we started talking. She told me she's new in town, what she is studying and where she's from and I see that she is playing around with a piece of paper nervously. I take initiative.
We end up behind her apartement and start making out. It is crazy maybe 2.0. Everything plus one and i realize this is the feeling I had one year ago. After 49 shades of grey It's time for me to do the walk home through the 50th shade of the grey morning sky swearing to myself not to make the same yearly mistake with this one. So i wait the cliche three days until sunday and send my friend-request on good ol facebook. Two days later nothing happened and I hoped to feel better after writing it all down.
One year ago i fell for a girl. I met her at a party where I only knew one guy and I enjoy doing this kind of endeavour because you always meet new people. We talked casually until she discovered that i like Firefly. From this point she turned into crazy-cute-mode. You know the type of girl, adorable looks, skinny-small and a smile cute as a button occasionally going "OHMYGOD you know browncoats.. LETS MARRY!" I fell for this euphoric cuteness and we met up for an evening of watching series a couple of weeks later. After two bottles of wine we started making out and the evening turned into a lot of fumbling, biting and other crazy shit she (and i) were into. After I woke up she made clear that she had to study for some classpaper that was due, so i left. There were no kisses at the door, which felt awkward for me.
The following weeks i tried very hard to get another date with her. I made clear that I have feelings for her and that we should try to at least date casually some more and see where it gets us. She gave me a couple of rainchecks and when we met for lunch at the university and i asked directly for a traditional date or movie night, she said she's pretty busy and asked if its not enough to have lunch together. By than I gave her the nickname "crazy maybe" and joked about writing a song about her with a producer buddy of mine (yea.. the irony of that #callmemaybe).
Fast forwarding another couple of months. We had one more date and it was technically very good. I managed a kiss at the door the next morning but other than that, nothing changed. In the following time i accepted that nothing serious could develop there. I Mosby'ed it up by saying that i had a crush on her and was trying way too hard on a girl that wasnt conventional. She apologized from time to time very honestly how bad a person she is and that i really should not waste my time on her because she is weird, doesn't know which gender she's really into and unpredictable. She also gave up a bit of her backstory, which was the breakup with her last fiance shortly before getting married. One of these apologetic moments happened via facebook whilst I had a party in my room. I told her she could apologize in person and come over here. We havent seen each other in months and she spontaniously agreed. She brought the boyfriend of her roommate with her, which was fine up until the moment I was making out with crazy maybe in a club and he budged in and told her they need to go. I argued with him to no end and that was the last i've seen of her.
We were planning another date in the last couple of weeks but nothing came out of it, because she always found an excuse. The whole girl situation over the last couple of months can be described this way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPw-3e_pzqU
Now I had a couple of girls in between the intervals with crazy maybe but none of those felt like anything I wanted to date further. Still I tried it with another girl for over a month. From the outside it was perfect and we are very similair types but i just had no feelings for her so i broke up with her. Some other girls I not even tried a relationship with because the experiences and bond i felt to with crazy maybe was not to be felt with them. Still, I know that it can only be a question of time that the next "right" girl steps into the scenery.
Last week I was at my neighbours house. I didnt really want to go, but i had nothing better to do. We played some rounds of drunk-Jenga. A game where you have to remove a block from a tower of blocks without it collapsing. On the bottom of each block is a task that has to do with drinking. After some bottles of beer they packed up for the club and I decided to join them spontainiously. It was a thursday night and this particular club is packed with people on this day of the week. There was no room to dance because of it so I went up to the smoking-lounge. After some cigarettes this one girl from the neighbours party came to me and we started talking. She told me she's new in town, what she is studying and where she's from and I see that she is playing around with a piece of paper nervously. I take initiative.
We end up behind her apartement and start making out. It is crazy maybe 2.0. Everything plus one and i realize this is the feeling I had one year ago. After 49 shades of grey It's time for me to do the walk home through the 50th shade of the grey morning sky swearing to myself not to make the same yearly mistake with this one. So i wait the cliche three days until sunday and send my friend-request on good ol facebook. Two days later nothing happened and I hoped to feel better after writing it all down.
I've gone on dates with about 5 girls over the last 2 months. The first date is fun and I find her interesting. By the time the second date comes around I'm bored out of my mind. I don't know if I'm expecting too much or what at this point.
I took close to a year off from dating a couple years ago when my engagement ended, but I'm thinking now that maybe I need more time away.
I took close to a year off from dating a couple years ago when my engagement ended, but I'm thinking now that maybe I need more time away.
Robot_Rave
Neo Member
A couple of days ago I made this post:
It turns out I sort of misunderstood her a bit when she first explained it to me. The guy actually kissed her, she didn't go and kiss him, she didn't know he was going to kiss her, and she said when he kissed her, she kissed back for about 1 second and then pulled away, so I suppose that's not as bad. She said that she only wanted to be friends with him right from the start. She did admit that she did like him a little bit and had feelings for him but not as strong as the feelings she has for me. The guy doesn't want to see her anymore because she only wants to be friends and he wants something more, she did offer to not see him again if it made me feel better. So should I forgive her?
It turns out I sort of misunderstood her a bit when she first explained it to me. The guy actually kissed her, she didn't go and kiss him, she didn't know he was going to kiss her, and she said when he kissed her, she kissed back for about 1 second and then pulled away, so I suppose that's not as bad. She said that she only wanted to be friends with him right from the start. She did admit that she did like him a little bit and had feelings for him but not as strong as the feelings she has for me. The guy doesn't want to see her anymore because she only wants to be friends and he wants something more, she did offer to not see him again if it made me feel better. So should I forgive her?
Gucci Messiah
Banned
Uh, duh. Water under the bridge my friend.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
There's no magical text you can send to make her interested in you. I wouldn't read too much into her messages, it is WAY too easy to misinterpret people's intentions based off of texts. Forget about her, on to the next one.I'm awful at texting gaf.
Back Story
There's a girl I met over a month ago who lives about two hours away and she had just gotten out of a long relationship. We met up a few times and would hang out and then hook up (make out; nothing more). I felt WAY more strongly for her than she did for me, and we talked for a while (via phone) but then ultimately ceased communication, partly because I think she lost interest and because I was too clingy and was willing to do anything for her.
So we didn't talk for two weeks, and during that time I gained some perspective -- although I wanted a relationship, it just realistically wasn't possible. I knew it's not what she wanted (she just wanted a rebound), and for me, although I wanted a relationship, it just wasn't realistic since she lived faraway and I was (and still am) up to my eyes in school work.
Anyway, after two weeks, I texted her yesterday and she sent me back some flirty texts.
"i wish you were here...could use a man...(to get rid of these ants)"
"i was hoping someone could save me, ha." (in regards to the ant infestation)
She texted me that last one early yesterday evening, but I was busy and couldn't respond.
My emotions were pretty hurt (I really really liked her GAF
I was wrapped around her finger for a while, but I'm aware of that now and I don't want that. Going off that last text, how do I close the deal and get her to come over to me?
stn
Member
No matter what happens do not be discouraged! Its good that you're at least taking initiative, that's something to be very proud of!
You guys got any tips for seeing close friends? I'm close friends with this girl, she has given me some signals in the past. I didn't react much because I didn't want to screw up the friendship. I'm at a point now where I'm perfectly ok with being friends with all girls, as law school has taken over all my social priorities.
What I worry about is her being interested in me, but then losing interest in general since I'm not returning it. I know you'll all tell me that I should just let it ride out, as her loss of interest would happen anyway. Based on this I'm not even sure if I'm asking a question, lol. I suppose I'm just speaking my mind???
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
If you truly believe and trust her, and you won't have doubts about stuff she tells you in the future, sure.
Only you know whether you should forgive her or not. Honestly the bolded is worrisome only because she still wants to go see him and be friends with him. Sure she offered not to if you said no, but the fact is, if she had a choice she has no hesitation to go after knowing his intentions. He's not an old friend. He is a guy she met on a dating site while she's with you.
If you do decide to continue things with her.. guard your heart and be careful. I have a feeling you'll be dealing with this situation again and again.
edit: not from him.. but from other random guys
RedNalgene
Member
The fact that she's not telling you she's meeting up with this dude is a HUGE RED FLAG! It indicates there is either something going on between the two of them or she doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you. Either conclusion is bad - there isn't a way for her to spin it as being OK.
Also, if it was just a normal meet-up then she shouldn't have a problem telling you she's meeting up with him.
Maybe it's for the best she gets her stuff from your place and you don't hang out anymore.
She either socially awkward as well or not interested. Either way, think of it in no other way than it's her loss. If you end up playing Halo with her or whatever, that's great for both of you.
This won't do you any good. This girl is NOT the end all, be all for you or anyone else. Jesus Christ, this shit has to stop in this thread! Recalibrate your heads, then get laid. Not the other way around.
And don't do this
You've already done what's socially acceptable in this scenario, just let things happen naturally from now on.CF_Fighter
Member
Ugh, had my first experience with "Whiskey Dick" last night. Hooked up with a friend I went out with for birthday drinks. I was so fucking embarrassed, but at least I got her off with some finger-banging. We were both pretty damn drunk and pegged it up to that as the most likely culprit.
Perspicacity
Banned
Didn't try again in the morning? Or did one of you leave?
CF_Fighter
Member
Was having major indigestion this morning (ate some pretty messy drunk food last night and didn't take my pills I'm supposed to when I eat to help digest my food) so I didn't want to try anything that might have caused something to come up.
- Status