Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Maybe she thinks you're a nerd for asking about reading week. Maybe she wanted you to tell her she was cute, or interesting, or you wanted to get to know her, but now she thinks you're a coward. Maybe you're not a psychic. Maybe you should just be yourself and go talk to her.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Woooo, I am now in a relationship and I got to thanks old school Sonic the Hedgehog for introducing us
!!
So I signed up for OKCupid on a whim...
I messaged a girl with one sentence in her profile, and one picture, thinking she was a fake profile, but on the other hand, not caring.
It said "replies very selectively" with the big red circle.
I sent her a message (thinking it was fake) being absurdly forward, and said "You're absolutely beautiful, would you like to get coffee sometime?"
She replied an hour later saying, "Hi! Thank you
Sure!"
Is she a fake? I sent her a message back asking if Monday/Starbucks were good.
I can't understand this.
On the other hand, I've messaged a billion other girls trying to be nice and make conversation and no one has replied.
I messaged a girl with one sentence in her profile, and one picture, thinking she was a fake profile, but on the other hand, not caring.
It said "replies very selectively" with the big red circle.
I sent her a message (thinking it was fake) being absurdly forward, and said "You're absolutely beautiful, would you like to get coffee sometime?"
She replied an hour later saying, "Hi! Thank you
Sure!"Is she a fake? I sent her a message back asking if Monday/Starbucks were good.
I can't understand this.
On the other hand, I've messaged a billion other girls trying to be nice and make conversation and no one has replied.
So I signed up for OKCupid on a whim...
I messaged a girl with one sentence in her profile, and one picture, thinking she was a fake profile, but on the other hand, not caring.
It said "replies very selectively" with the big red circle.
I sent her a message (thinking it was fake) being absurdly forward, and said "You're absolutely beautiful, would you like to get coffee sometime?"
She replied an hour later saying, "Hi! Thank you
Is she a fake? I sent her a message back asking if Monday/Starbucks were good.
I can't understand this.
On the other hand, I've messaged a billion other girls trying to be nice and make conversation and no one has replied.
Back when I was using OKC and Match.com, occasionally you find a girl who barely puts anything in her profile because she believes that all the info in a profile should be talked about in person as conversation pieces. I would see profiles that say "I'd rather get to know each other in person, so send me a message and let's talk!" and that was it. So maybe that's what you got.
KingHenrik30
Member
Not sure if this is the appropriate place but trying to get a read on a situation, would love some input (apologies for the ensuing book):
So last weekend at a wedding I hook up with one of the bride's sisters. We'd know each other prior and it just happened. During it she's all like "this can't be the only time we do this". I agree. Monday we are talking during the day and she invites me to the Yankee game, I go and we have a great time. She says things like "So are you gonna hang out with me when (her sister and brother-in-law) come back?" Of course I say yes. Drive her back to her house afterwards and we agree to hang out friday. Pick her up from work on friday, kiss right away. We go out to dinner, and again, it's going well. Go back to her place and hang out. She's holding my hand saying stuff like "I'm so comfortable right now", "and I like when you hold me". A lot of hooking up that night. Before I leave in the morning:
Me: Can we do this again?
Her: Yes, when?
Me: Next weekend?
Her: Yeah. I might have to go away but I dont think thats happening so yeah.
leave and go about my day. Out later on I send her a text, drunkenly:
Me: when are we meeting up Im drunk i forgot haha
Her: I dont know. I might be going away with my friends, not really around the next few weekends
Me: I had a great time this weekend just want to know when i can see you again
Her: haha i dont know like i said im kinda busy the next few weekends but ill let you know
didnt say anything back to her.
So what the fuck right? I feel like everything was going great and then this shit. admittedly i was maybe harping on it but i was drunk haha. Did I get blown off?
thoughts?
So last weekend at a wedding I hook up with one of the bride's sisters. We'd know each other prior and it just happened. During it she's all like "this can't be the only time we do this". I agree. Monday we are talking during the day and she invites me to the Yankee game, I go and we have a great time. She says things like "So are you gonna hang out with me when (her sister and brother-in-law) come back?" Of course I say yes. Drive her back to her house afterwards and we agree to hang out friday. Pick her up from work on friday, kiss right away. We go out to dinner, and again, it's going well. Go back to her place and hang out. She's holding my hand saying stuff like "I'm so comfortable right now", "and I like when you hold me". A lot of hooking up that night. Before I leave in the morning:
Me: Can we do this again?
Her: Yes, when?
Me: Next weekend?
Her: Yeah. I might have to go away but I dont think thats happening so yeah.
leave and go about my day. Out later on I send her a text, drunkenly:
Me: when are we meeting up Im drunk i forgot haha
Her: I dont know. I might be going away with my friends, not really around the next few weekends
Me: I had a great time this weekend just want to know when i can see you again
Her: haha i dont know like i said im kinda busy the next few weekends but ill let you know
didnt say anything back to her.
So what the fuck right? I feel like everything was going great and then this shit. admittedly i was maybe harping on it but i was drunk haha. Did I get blown off?
thoughts?
So I signed up for OKCupid on a whim...
I messaged a girl with one sentence in her profile, and one picture, thinking she was a fake profile, but on the other hand, not caring.
It said "replies very selectively" with the big red circle.
I sent her a message (thinking it was fake) being absurdly forward, and said "You're absolutely beautiful, would you like to get coffee sometime?"
She replied an hour later saying, "Hi! Thank you
Is she a fake? I sent her a message back asking if Monday/Starbucks were good.
I can't understand this.
On the other hand, I've messaged a billion other girls trying to be nice and make conversation and no one has replied.
Could be real, could be fake, only one way to find out.
As some know I ran into my ex-fiance around a week or so ago. Today she called me and I didn't answer because I was covering my pool, so I listened to the voice-mail because her grandmother has been sick and I thought it could be related.
Nope. Instead I found out she got married and she felt I deserved to know that and wants to get together again soon to talk.
Nope. Instead I found out she got married and she felt I deserved to know that and wants to get together again soon to talk.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Fuck dat. You know what to do.
Not sure if this is the appropriate place but trying to get a read on a situation, would love some input (apologies for the ensuing book):
So last weekend at a wedding I hook up with one of the bride's sisters. We'd know each other prior and it just happened. During it she's all like "this can't be the only time we do this". I agree. Monday we are talking during the day and she invites me to the Yankee game, I go and we have a great time. She says things like "So are you gonna hang out with me when (her sister and brother-in-law) come back?" Of course I say yes. Drive her back to her house afterwards and we agree to hang out friday. Pick her up from work on friday, kiss right away. We go out to dinner, and again, it's going well. Go back to her place and hang out. She's holding my hand saying stuff like "I'm so comfortable right now", "and I like when you hold me". A lot of hooking up that night. Before I leave in the morning:
Me: Can we do this again?
Her: Yes, when?
Me: Next weekend?
Her: Yeah. I might have to go away but I dont think thats happening so yeah.
leave and go about my day. Out later on I send her a text, drunkenly:
Me: when are we meeting up Im drunk i forgot haha
Her: I dont know. I might be going away with my friends, not really around the next few weekends
Me: I had a great time this weekend just want to know when i can see you again
Her: haha i dont know like i said im kinda busy the next few weekends but ill let you know
didnt say anything back to her.
So what the fuck right? I feel like everything was going great and then this shit. admittedly i was maybe harping on it but i was drunk haha. Did I get blown off?
thoughts?
In the first dialogue, she already hinted that next weekend may not work, but she wasn't sure. Either that's the truth or she's having doubts and is setting things up to let you down easy.
Maybe things went a bit fast for her and she came back to reality and wants to take it easy and is not sure now.
Just take it slow now, giver her a little space, and if you don't hear from her in a week send her a friendly text about how things are going. While you chat then work in about hanging out again. If she still acts unsure, then leave the ball in her court entirely at this point. If she really wants you, the time away from you will start to get at her and she'll want you more. If she doesn't want you, contact will gradually drift off and you two will move on.
Either way, do not keep pushing to hang out anymore at this point.
Arjen
Member
Not sure if this is the appropriate place but trying to get a read on a situation, would love some input (apologies for the ensuing book):
So last weekend at a wedding I hook up with one of the bride's sisters. We'd know each other prior and it just happened. During it she's all like "this can't be the only time we do this". I agree. Monday we are talking during the day and she invites me to the Yankee game, I go and we have a great time. She says things like "So are you gonna hang out with me when (her sister and brother-in-law) come back?" Of course I say yes. Drive her back to her house afterwards and we agree to hang out friday. Pick her up from work on friday, kiss right away. We go out to dinner, and again, it's going well. Go back to her place and hang out. She's holding my hand saying stuff like "I'm so comfortable right now", "and I like when you hold me". A lot of hooking up that night. Before I leave in the morning:
Me: Can we do this again?
Her: Yes, when?
Me: Next weekend?
Her: Yeah. I might have to go away but I dont think thats happening so yeah.
leave and go about my day. Out later on I send her a text, drunkenly:
Me: when are we meeting up Im drunk i forgot haha
Her: I dont know. I might be going away with my friends, not really around the next few weekends
Me: I had a great time this weekend just want to know when i can see you again
Her: haha i dont know like i said im kinda busy the next few weekends but ill let you know
didnt say anything back to her.
So what the fuck right? I feel like everything was going great and then this shit. admittedly i was maybe harping on it but i was drunk haha. Did I get blown off?
thoughts?
Uh, she already told you she might have plans that weekend, you're coming off a bit strong imho.
KingHenrik30
Member
Gotcha thanks.
While your right, it wasn't the fact that she said she was busy about next weekend (which she pretty much said wasn't happening but whatever), it was the "I'm busy all month" comment that rubbed me the wrong way.
I'm fully aware that I've no doubt boned this up with my drunken stupidity, so I'm not really thinking anything will happen at this point. I'm just trying to figure out why you know? It's frustrating and dissapointing.
Stop wasting your time trying to figure it out. Do something worthwhile instead. If she wants to see you, she'll make the time. While it's possible that she might actually be busy all month, you are most likely at fault and should just move on and don't drunk dial ever again.
So I had surgery today and when I originally told my girlfriend about it a few weeks ago she just volunteered to take me and bring me home and be there with me the whole time. We've been dating for 4 months now, and so for her to do that was going above my expectations. I was already impressed at this point.
Then, today when she arrives to pick me up, she surprises me with TONS of food (she's a great cook) that she spent around 6+ hours yesterday making just for me. She did it so that I'd be all set for my recovery this week and wouldn't have to worry about making food myself. Wow...I was totally caught off guard. She had to work yesterday too, so she spent her only free time yesterday cooking literally a week's worth of food just for my sake.
It feels nice to have someone in my life that really cares for me like this. I've been living on my own for the last 2 years since I got my new job and it sure got lonely at times. I don't get to see my family as much, and having her in my life now really changes things up.
I would have never asked her to do everything that she did. I could see picking me up or dropping me off, but staying with me the whole day, and all the cooking so I could recover easily...just blown away.
Then, today when she arrives to pick me up, she surprises me with TONS of food (she's a great cook) that she spent around 6+ hours yesterday making just for me. She did it so that I'd be all set for my recovery this week and wouldn't have to worry about making food myself. Wow...I was totally caught off guard. She had to work yesterday too, so she spent her only free time yesterday cooking literally a week's worth of food just for my sake.
It feels nice to have someone in my life that really cares for me like this. I've been living on my own for the last 2 years since I got my new job and it sure got lonely at times. I don't get to see my family as much, and having her in my life now really changes things up.
I would have never asked her to do everything that she did. I could see picking me up or dropping me off, but staying with me the whole day, and all the cooking so I could recover easily...just blown away.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Strange problem and I'm not sure where else to ask, but it's sort of the opposite of what this thread is about.
I have a female co-worker that I get along with very well. We share a desk. We talk, we laugh, and we help each other out. I'm nice to her (and the title of this thread is why I came in), but I don't think I'm in the bad "nice" category. The thing is, I'm not interested in anything other than maintaining a good relationship with my co-worker, but I'm getting this feeling like my other co-workers think there's more going on between us.
When she was off, I got several people asking me if I miss her. I did say yes since it was kind of boring without her around, but it's not that big of a deal.
Weirder still was another one asked me if I missed her on a day when she WAS there, but just temporarily moved to another office to handle another project. She was only away for 2 hours and at most she was 200 feet away from me. That I outright said no to.
I'm actually worried I'm giving the wrong impression to her as well. I have no interest in being anything other than co-workers/friends. I'm nice to everyone else as well. I'm worried I might seem like I'm being the bad "nice guy" example in the OP. I don't think I am. I just help out if I can since sometimes my department gets a little boring. I don't want to give the wrong impression and make this awkward. I separate business and personal life. Is there anything I should watch out for and be careful with so I don't seem like I want more? Being a jerk is out of the question since I don't want to sabotage my good work relations, nor do I hate her.
Maybe I'm worrying too much, but I don't want this to evolve to a point where it gets awkward around the office. Better be paranoid than to risk any chance of it getting out of hand.
I have a female co-worker that I get along with very well. We share a desk. We talk, we laugh, and we help each other out. I'm nice to her (and the title of this thread is why I came in), but I don't think I'm in the bad "nice" category. The thing is, I'm not interested in anything other than maintaining a good relationship with my co-worker, but I'm getting this feeling like my other co-workers think there's more going on between us.
When she was off, I got several people asking me if I miss her. I did say yes since it was kind of boring without her around, but it's not that big of a deal.
Weirder still was another one asked me if I missed her on a day when she WAS there, but just temporarily moved to another office to handle another project. She was only away for 2 hours and at most she was 200 feet away from me. That I outright said no to.
I'm actually worried I'm giving the wrong impression to her as well. I have no interest in being anything other than co-workers/friends. I'm nice to everyone else as well. I'm worried I might seem like I'm being the bad "nice guy" example in the OP. I don't think I am. I just help out if I can since sometimes my department gets a little boring. I don't want to give the wrong impression and make this awkward. I separate business and personal life. Is there anything I should watch out for and be careful with so I don't seem like I want more? Being a jerk is out of the question since I don't want to sabotage my good work relations, nor do I hate her.
Maybe I'm worrying too much, but I don't want this to evolve to a point where it gets awkward around the office. Better be paranoid than to risk any chance of it getting out of hand.
KingHenrik30
Member
I appreciate the responses guys. I know I'm a dick, guess I just misread the signals. Might ask her brother in law about the situation (he's my best friend), but again, not expecting anything out of this situation.
Arjen
Member
I don't think you're a dick, just a bit to eager, and that can be a turn off.
KingHenrik30
Member
Originally I was very apprehensive about the whole thing, and since she asked me out first and kind of pursued me at the wedding, well like I said I guess I just misread things.
KingHenrik30
Member
Probably. I just don't have time for games at this point in my life. I like her, I figured we could cut through the bullshit and just be honest.
Just another reason not to chase her around. I've done similar things in the past, thinking we're both above the games, but it's actually sniffing at the "nice guy" territory.
So, I finally asked that married woman I've been speaking to a lot for the last while if there was ever going to be more. I was straight up and was actually scared of the answer. I'm not normally like that. She said "Probably not if I'm being really honest.". She seemed sad about it too. Sigh. Well, at least I have my answer. I'm pretty bummed though. I know she was married and the chance was tiny anyway but we got along just so perfectly well. More than anyone I think I've ever met in my entire life. If only I met her a few years earlier.
Okay first time posting in this thread, hope it becomes one of many to come.
Last night was awful. I was dating this girl for a month and last night she said that she ''tried'' to like me but she doesn't. She isn't really pretty nor is she young, but she was really easy to get along and she was one of the few girls that I was confident being with so I started to ask her out. Last night she actually confessed that she wanted me as a friend, because she doesn't have many of them. And that is why she said yes to me. She basically said that she really didn't want a relationship but accepted me because she thought she would hand around.
That really broke me and I have never felt shittier, because I really liked her and thereafter I became angry because of my disappointment and said that she should have told me earlier (that she only wanted me as a friend) and that was selfish of her and she agreed and kept apologising but I just left her last night. and now, even though I keep thinking about her, I really don't want to see her again because of that.
Was I harsh? Should I contact her and say let’s hang out? or should I remain in position and ignore her? Should I try harder since I thought there was a glimmer of attraction from her towards me or not?
Help me GAF
PS: she is Japanese, I don't know how this will help, but most of them are more reserved.
any question, I will try to answer if more context is needed.
Last night was awful. I was dating this girl for a month and last night she said that she ''tried'' to like me but she doesn't. She isn't really pretty nor is she young, but she was really easy to get along and she was one of the few girls that I was confident being with so I started to ask her out. Last night she actually confessed that she wanted me as a friend, because she doesn't have many of them. And that is why she said yes to me. She basically said that she really didn't want a relationship but accepted me because she thought she would hand around.
That really broke me and I have never felt shittier, because I really liked her and thereafter I became angry because of my disappointment and said that she should have told me earlier (that she only wanted me as a friend) and that was selfish of her and she agreed and kept apologising but I just left her last night. and now, even though I keep thinking about her, I really don't want to see her again because of that.
Was I harsh? Should I contact her and say let’s hang out? or should I remain in position and ignore her? Should I try harder since I thought there was a glimmer of attraction from her towards me or not?
Help me GAF
PS: she is Japanese, I don't know how this will help, but most of them are more reserved.
any question, I will try to answer if more context is needed.
RedNalgene
Member
So, I finally asked that married woman I've been speaking to a lot for the last while if there was ever going to be more. I was straight up and was actually scared of the answer. I'm not normally like that. She said "Probably not if I'm being really honest.". She seemed sad about it too. Sigh. Well, at least I have my answer. I'm pretty bummed though. I know she was married and the chance was tiny anyway but we got along just so perfectly well. More than anyone I think I've ever met in my entire life. If only I met her a few years earlier.
I'm glad you brought this up with her early enough, hopefully you didn't get too emotionally invested in her by this point. Definitely sucks, but as you said, you have your answer. Relationships are so much about timing, this type of thing happens all the time (has happened to me a bunch of times). Now the hard part comes - staying away from her. You need to friendzone her if you're going to stay in contact, you can't have the same types of emotional feelings you had for her before. It's also totally acceptable to say you don't want to be her friend. Which brings us to....
You can choose who you are friends with. If you don't want to be friends with her, then that's fair, and totally acceptable. It sounds like you were jerked around a little, but the "dumpee" in any relationship always gets jerked around a little bit since this person tends to get blindsided by the breakup. You reacted to her statements in the moment and although you were probably a little harsher than you normally would have been, you were emotional. You were invested in her as more than a friend, she wasn't, so of course it's easier for her to accept you two just being friends. If you don't want that then tell her as much and move on.
Thank you.
The thing is, there is more than that. At first I actually confessed, way before, to her and I was rejected and basically wanted me as a friend. Because of that as I was emotionally invested in her, I have decided (and I did tell her at that) to not to see her for a while, a month or two, until I get over her and then I can see her as friend. That is why she accepted me dating her and ''tried'' because she really wanted to hang around with me. That is why I am saying that I feel bad about since I fell that I sort of forced her to date me.
The other thing is, she is by o mean a villain. She is quite kind and a nice person and I don't think she was trying to do bad thing or anything, but it turned out this way. This may paint her in a negative way, but that is not the case.
Smashing Drive
Banned
If your looking for a relationship I think your wasting your time with her.
Oh, well. Time move on, I guess. I am wondering just stay friend with her, but again, I don't want to :/
RedNalgene
Member
She certainly doesn't sound like an evil person, and you didn't paint her in that light. But it's pretty clear that she doesn't see you as anything more than a friend. Which is fine, but that means you have to move on. And if you don't want to be friends with her because your feelings are too strong, that's OK too. It happens. It doesn't make you a bad person in any way. Most of the time, once you step over the threshold between friends and more-than-friends, there is no going back. Sure it can happen, but it's less likely. I am cordial with most of my ex-GFs, but I certainly don't regularly hang out with them. It's difficult, especially in cases where you're the one getting rejected.
Also, don't think that you forced her to date you. It sounds like you explained that you wanted to be either more than friends or nothing (which is fair) and she agreed to give it a shot. Nothing forced about that.
KingHenrik30
Member
And this is the rub of my life. I AM a fucking nice guy. I don't want to be somebody I'm not. Oh well. I'm pretty much over the whole thing. Puke and rally.
I don't mean to be rude but is it helping you? No one in here will suggest pretending to be someone you're not of course, but there's always a better you that you can try to be. And that in itself is a great reward.
So, I finally asked that married woman I've been speaking to a lot for the last while if there was ever going to be more. I was straight up and was actually scared of the answer. I'm not normally like that. She said "Probably not if I'm being really honest.". She seemed sad about it too. Sigh. Well, at least I have my answer. I'm pretty bummed though. I know she was married and the chance was tiny anyway but we got along just so perfectly well. More than anyone I think I've ever met in my entire life. If only I met her a few years earlier.
Don't bum yourself out over this.
Remember, she was using you to just get a little excitement in her life because she's bored with her husband apparently.
If she was single, like I mentioned before, she may not have had any interest in you at all. Or she would not have acted as nice, or compatible, etc.
KingHenrik30
Member
I'm sure I'm probably closer to one end of the "nice guy" spectrum than the other. Who knows. I have tremendous OCD so I'm sure that doesn't help either.
So, I finally asked that married woman I've been speaking to a lot for the last while if there was ever going to be more. I was straight up and was actually scared of the answer. I'm not normally like that. She said "Probably not if I'm being really honest.". She seemed sad about it too. Sigh. Well, at least I have my answer. I'm pretty bummed though. I know she was married and the chance was tiny anyway but we got along just so perfectly well. More than anyone I think I've ever met in my entire life. If only I met her a few years earlier.
Major props for having the courage to ask her. MAJOR props there, buddy.
Be happy you did this, instead of wondering what could've been. Now you know the truth, and you can move on. Again, major props for doing this.Like the other guy said, in the end, she was using you...Using you for attention, using you to feel the "spark" that only happens in the beginning of a relationship. She knew full well the whole time that she wasn't going to fuck you, but she enjoyed the flirting...the kind of flirting married couples have no need for. (it's natural to miss it)
But unlike the other guy, I think it's perfectly fine to feel bummed about the situation. It's part of growing up. Just don't dwell on it. You made your move, didn't work out, now it's time to move on.
Then don't be her friend. You are not forced to be anyone's friend. If she asks why, then tell her the truth. When she gets older, she will realize why. (For the record, I'm one of those monsters who believe 2 single, attractive, young people cannot be friends because feelings get in the way eventually)
It wasn't just flirting though. We spoke a lot about all kinds of things. Our sense of humour, music interests, just views on the world in general were very much a like. We'd end up chatting for like 8 hours sometimes. She had the personality I look for in a girl too. It wasn't simply an ego trip. Neither of us expected to hit it off THAT well and it did start as just friends. I think I was the one that flirted first anyway and then she fell into it as well.
Major props for having the courage to ask her. MAJOR props there, buddy.
Thanks man.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
So..you made a good friend... what is wrong with that? Just be friends with her. You're allowed to have female friends that you click with that you aren't romantically involved with.
I can't just switch my emotions on and off. I had legitimate feelings for her. I can't just shut them off and be best buddies.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Are you sure you're not mistaking these "feelings" for her as just a genuine liking for someone who shares similar interests and perspectives as you? Guys have a very bad tendency to immediately start "liking" any girl that shows them some attention and has some things in common with them. "Oh wow, she totally likes being with me AND she likes cookies AND she likes Star Wars AND she's a democrat!! I'M IN LOVE!!" What do you really know about this woman? She's married and has a life completely separate from you. Don't you think having "feelings" for her is a bit hasty, and considering the situation, a bit foolish?
I suppose I'm asking what experiences with her have you had that would give you something to base these feelings off of?
Where exactly do you think feelings come from? You like being around someone, their personality, and they're physically attractive. I'm not sure what else there is. It's not like "Oh she likes star wars! I love her!". You don't sit up all night talking to someone because you have an equal love of cookies. I liked her a more than that. A lot more.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Meh, I don't want to get into a big thing about what are feelings and what aren't. But if all of a sudden you can't even have this person that you like so much in your life as a friend anymore, well, your loss I guess. As the above poster said, shit's done. Time to move on.
If you have successfully managed to do this with a girl, kudos to you.
For lots of people, if you have romantic feelings for someone, you can't just turn that off and be like "well she doesn't like me, now I'll just be buds with her"...In time, those romantic feelings will creep back into your life, and you'll want to try for her again. You won't be able to look at her the same way, and it will feel awkward. The "friendship" won't feel the same.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
He knows his feelings are not reciprocated. She knows how he feels as well. If she can put it aside and continue to view him as a friend, then the choice to continue the friendship is on him. If he's really going to be eaten up by this huge love he has for her, well then sure he should shut it down and erase her from his life. But if he can get over his feelings and come back down to a level of friendship, why can't he continue to keep her in his life as a person that he enjoys chatting with for 8 hours? If he was only chatting with her for 8 hours because he thought something would happen, well, then he already knows that avenue is over. So he's lost nothing. But if he enjoys her presence in his life regardless of the chances for romance, then it'd be his loss to throw someone seemingly so special away.
He wasn't chatting with her for 8 hours with the intentions of her as a "friend" though. It was all romantically influenced.
Not to mention the other side of the spectrum. It's all a bit shady. Would you feel comfortable with your wife talking to a guy for 8 hours that she says is just a friend? (Old friend of 10+ years? Ok...guy she met 2 weeks ago? No..)
That's not right.
I think he did the right thing. He blatantly asked her where this would go, she said nowhere, and now it's time to move on. If she really wanted a friend, then she'd offer to hang out with him while bringing her husband. This whole secret friendship shit is not cool IMO.
Good on you, and don't let anyone on GAF make you feel bad about being honest with yourself.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
It's not his ex.. he's never been romantically involved with her. And no one was trying to make him feel bad, I was telling him to look at the upside - that he made a good friend. But I guess not.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Never mind. My problem has been solved. My instincts were right that something weird is going on, but it wasn't what I thought. It just involved drama from someone else. Whatever your goal is, I do think the nice guy advice is very good advice. I'm going to be more careful from now on to not seem like a total pushover. I think being too nice can make you seem like a loser no matter what.
Sorry for the confusion, but I didn't clarify what I meant. I know she isn't his ex, but what I meant was that I understand how it feels to not want to just be friends with someone who you've felt romantic feelings for in the past.
Didn't mean to imply that she was his ex.
Actually, they were very much reciprocated but she didn't want to end her marriage. She admitted there was a part of her that did though and that she wished we met me under different circumstances(Eg: Not married).
And as everyone has said, yeah I am moving on. I'm not going to dwell on it. I'll probably be bummed out for a few days but I'll get over it.
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