Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Our "date" won't happen until the beginning of November mainly because both of us are busy. But I felt like ever since I asked her out, we've actually been talking even more than before. It's only been 2 days since I asked so maybe I'm just imagining it. I didn't specify what the "date" was, just asked her out for lunch if that makes any difference.

Anyone ever notice these changes after asking someone out?

Best way to build sexual chemistry with someone is too talk endlessly with no physical contact.

I see no reason why you would ask a girl out on a date that is weeks away, what is the point. Ask this girl to a date at night sometime this week. None of this "lunch" garbage.
 
Best way to build sexual chemistry with someone is too talk endlessly with no physical contact.

I see no reason why you would ask a girl out on a date that is weeks away, what is the point. Ask this girl to a date at night sometime this week. None of this "lunch" garbage.

No contact whatsoever. At most the tip of our fingers bump when handing papers around.

I think I'll do better by starting with something casual. Even if it's diner, we still have to wait since we only get off at the same time on Fridays.
 
No contact whatsoever. At most the tip of our fingers bump when handing papers around.

I think I'll do better by starting with something casual. Even if it's diner, we still have to wait since we only get off at the same time on Fridays.

Doesn't even need to be dinner. Can just grab a drink/coffee/juice/water sometime this week night. Asking a co-worker if they want to go for lunch isn't a date. Unless you framed it, "Hey, I want to take you out on a date, how's lunch on x date", which I doubt you did. Ask her out for drinks some night this week and then you will see if she is actually into you or not.
 
Doesn't even need to be dinner. Can just grab a drink/coffee/juice/water sometime this week night. Asking a co-worker out for lunch isn't a date. Unless you framed it, "Hey, I want to take you out on a date, how's lunch on x date", which I doubt you did. Ask her out for drinks some night this week and then you will see if she is actually into you or not.

I gotta learn to walk before I can run.
 
So, I've been out with this girl twice. First date she didn't kiss me and I thought it was odd (first time that's happened...). We made out 2nd date. (Both dates were flawless imo) After the 2nd date she won't stop txting me. Saying she's gonna make me dinner, make me "dessert" (then sends me a devil face emoji), etc. I was super interested when I was trying to land the first and second dates, but now I'm just kinda turned off. I should be stoked, idk.
 
I'm really interested in a girl from class. How should I approach her to get her number?

I'm just thinking about getting her after class to get it, but I've never dated a girl I was in class with so I'm apprehensive.

She's already pretty friendly. I talk to her in class regularly and she seemed pretty amused/interested after I gave a presentation.
 
I'm really interested in a girl from class. How should I approach her to get her number?

I'm just thinking about getting her after class to get it, but I've never dated a girl I was in class with so I'm apprehensive.

She's already pretty friendly. I talk to her in class regularly and she seemed pretty amused/interested after I gave a presentation.
I'm in a similar situation myself. Walk with her after class and right as you're about to depart go for her number and don't think about it. Conversely, if both of you don't have a class afterwards, maybe suggest going to the cafeteria to chat, then go for her number. I haven't done this with a chick who's in two of my classes, but every time we talk after class, I always get good vibes from being around her and have found any dumb excuse to touch her arm.

I had an opportunity to get it on Thursday, but I overthought about it and let her go take the train after walking her to the subway station. She keeps having this puzzled look on her face every time I leave her almost as if she's dying for me to ask her for it. I plan on going for it on Monday. So I would say go for it; don't to hesitate think about it. The more you delay it, the harder it's going to get like a Simple Pickup guy said in one of the school tips video that was posted a couple of pages back.
 
I'm in a similar situation myself. Walk with her after class and right as you're about to depart go for her number and don't think about it. Conversely, if both of you don't have a class afterwards, maybe suggest going to the cafeteria to chat, then go for her number. I haven't done this with a chick who's in two of my classes, but every time we talk after class, I always get good vibes from being around her and have found any dumb excuse to touch her arm.

I had an opportunity to get it on Thursday, but I overthought about it and let her go take the train after walking her to the subway station. She keeps having this puzzled look on her face every time I leave her almost as if she's dying for me to ask her for it. I plan on going for it on Monday. So I would say go for it; don't to hesitate think about it. The more you delay it, the harder it's going to get like a Simple Pickup guy said in one of the school tips video that was posted a couple of pages back.


Just go for it man.

You've had bigger balls during meetups. I'm doing the same come Monday, I have to remember her name though.
 
So, I've been out with this girl twice. First date she didn't kiss me and I thought it was odd (first time that's happened...). We made out 2nd date. (Both dates were flawless imo) After the 2nd date she won't stop txting me. Saying she's gonna make me dinner, make me "dessert" (then sends me a devil face emoji), etc. I was super interested when I was trying to land the first and second dates, but now I'm just kinda turned off. I should be stoked, idk.

This used to be a big problem of mine, or so I thought... I would get so interested in a girl, love the chase of getting her, then immediately lose interest early in the relationship. I look back at those girls and realize they all had flaws that were essentially dealbreakers for me. So in the end it was no loss, but at the time I was so focused on the chase I missed those flaws.

Fast forward to now...my current relationship is the best I've ever had, about to enter 5 months now, and I enjoy every moment with her. I guess this shows me I found someone I'm really compatible with and am truly happy with.

So all I can say is dont feel bad if you suddenly lose interest. It might just be your subconscious saying, "nah, she's not what you want". I wouldn't give up on her yet though, give it a few more dates and see for sure how you feel then.
 
So, I've been out with this girl twice. First date she didn't kiss me and I thought it was odd (first time that's happened...). We made out 2nd date. (Both dates were flawless imo) After the 2nd date she won't stop txting me. Saying she's gonna make me dinner, make me "dessert" (then sends me a devil face emoji), etc. I was super interested when I was trying to land the first and second dates, but now I'm just kinda turned off. I should be stoked, idk.

Did you want to sleep with her or did you want to prove you could get her to sleep with you?
 
I have a buddy that loves the chase but hates when it lands the girl. Whenever this happens, he always kicks himself because he lets them get away, or misses chances for one night stands. Don't be my buddy. He is an idiot.
 
Another date with another girl last week, all seemed to go well she even insisted on getting in a round of drinks. Texted her the following day saying it was fun.. No reply. Totally disappeared. This is becoming quite a habit, not sure why.. But nonetheless, I'm getting pretty fed up with wasting my time with these ignorant people.
 
Something´s grinding my gears and I need an outlet, so I´m going to post it here. Its about ex girlfriends, so if you dont have any interest in that, skip my post.

Me and my ex broke up about two months ago after two years of a pretty intense relationship. With lots of passion but also lots of arguments, semi break ups and what not. At first I was devastated that we stopped for good but after a few weeks I started to feel a lot better and saw we weren´t compatible at all. For starters, she´s 20 and I´m 28. She also tried to manipulate me a lot in the relationship, threatening to leave me or to walk out when I didn´t do this or that. At the end of the relationship, she complained about every little detail of what i did wrong.

So, I´m better off for sure.

We agreed no contact, and that was working out fine. I started hanging out with old friends, making new ones, also a lot of new female friends, with some obvious lover material here and there. Been on a few dates with some different girls as well, actually have another one sceduled tomorrow. No troubles here.

However, the shit started again when she started to email me last weekend. We go out at the same place, theres no way around that, and she said she saw how much fun I was having with one particular lady. This is not her business and we agreed on no contact, so I ignored the mail. Cue the day after, when she starts emailing again, and after that sends me some messages on my phone. I keep ignoring it. The day after, she tries calling me three times. I ignore it.

So on monday I cave in and I say I dont want any contact. She keeps up the contact (at a low pace) for the rest of the week though and I react very short and uninterested. Of course Im not a robot, I dont feel completely nothing, but I don´t want to show her my feelings or get back together, so I keep it all very general.

So this morning she contacted me again, said she dreamed about me three straight nights in a row. I say, oh, thats too bad, I dont dream about you at all. She then says yeah, the dreams are bad and comfirm my feelings, you´re not a kind guy in my dreams. Im like, ok why do I have to know this. She says she is breaking off contact again to stop the dreams. Okay... I don´t really care but why start contacting me in the first place then! I just say, alright, bye.

Is the trying to get attention from me, trying to make me feel bad or whatever... its not really working though, but still, its on my mind now so I guess she somewhat succeeded. Im just going to go on ignoring her, or giving very standard short answers if by any chance she starts talking again, which Im pretty sure she will eventually, and keep up living the good life Ive been living the past couple of weeks.

Ahh, why cant people just leave each other alone when its over.

Let me assure you that I was anything but a pro in the mini break ups leading up to the big one. During those small break ups, I was the one semi stalking her. I thought she was the one, couldn´t be without her, etc. Then coming back to her was the biggest mistake I made. You become so insecure and it didnt help she started having all these demands of what I should and shouldnt do, how to dress and do my hair, how to treat her, and if i didnt do it she often threatened to dump me. You really lose your selfrespect and identity in such a situation. Never beg a girl back, because there´s a chance she´ll agree and then you´re in for a painful ride straight to hell.

Anyway once she dumped me for good I decided that enough was enough and I didnt want to fall in any pits that I used to fall in.

We are a classic case of attrack and push away, when were apart we felt the need to be together and when we were together for a while we started to practically kill each other, haha.

I feel relieved in that you say Im handling it well, but from the inside it still hurts sometimes of course. But seeing how social I can be again, how many old friends are happy that I´m rid of her (according to them she was altering my personality in a negative way), makes me feel good and happy that we´re done. At the same time I also know that I still have a weakness for her and lord knows, if she tries enough she might eventually get me again.

But Im guessing she´s just trying to make me feel miserable to make herself feel better. Which is exactly why Im not letting any of my feelings show and just have a good time! I just have to make sure that by the time she tries to get me back (if she does that) I have to be strong enough to just laugh it away!

I´m just feeding her back what she´s been stuffing me with all this time.

I have another example of the manipulating. Earlier this week when I started to talk back in a casual way, she said she was home alone and she didnt know what to eat, wondered what I was eating.

So I just say what I was planning to eat.

She then says, yes in the old days we used to go out for dinner.

I say, yes, yes we did.

She says, that would be nice, to go out for dinner.

I say yes, you could do that, but anyway Im going now, Im out for drinks.

She says, oh, a girlfriend asked me to go out for drinks too, I might do that.

I say, ok, do that, Im not going to the same pub you´re going tonight anyway.

She says, oh, well I changed my mind. Im going to invite someone over and go out to dinner with him.

I say, ok.

End of conversation. Its this shit I had to put up with for two years. Trying to manipulate me, using negativity, things that might hurt me, to gain what she wants. Fuck. That. Shit.

Update time.

So I had a great date last night, was all good. So I'm sleeping and in the middle of the night the ex calls again. I dont answer it. She then rings my doorbell. I don't answer it. Fuck that, I'm not going to have a conversation with a drunk mess of an ex at 4 am

This morning I send her a message that she should stop doing this, I don't want her and I am not pleased with these cries for attention. No reaction, good. Hope she gets the message and with getting it, I mean understands it.
 
Update time.

So I had a great date last night, was all good. So I'm sleeping and in the middle of the night the ex calls again. I dont answer it. She then rings my doorbell. I don't answer it. Fuck that, I'm not going to have a conversation with a drunk mess of an ex at 4 am

This morning I send her a message that she should stop doing this, I don't want her and I am not pleased with these cries for attention. No reaction, good. Hope she gets the message and with getting it, I mean understands it.
Restraining order. Girl sounds nuts.
 
Stupid thing is, if I DO start interacting with her, she'll be all negative and act like she doesnt want to have anything to do with me. Its like, she needs to get my attention so THEN she can try to pull me down.

Same thing happened half a year ago when we split up for a month. I took her back and had to work extremely hard to make her happy. Never again GAF, never again.


To end on something positive, the date last night was fun. We just talked for three hours straight with some drinks outside a bar. We had lots to talk about and she said two or three times that she loved the date, that she thought I was handsome and interesting, and that I was even better than she imagined me to be. When the check came, I paid, she said no I want to pay too, I said: you can do that on our second date. There, second date in the pocket.
 
Moz, the motherfuckin posterboy of dating-age. Finally someone who doesn't whine about what to do and just does it. Like a boss.
 
Haha ;) I never had any problems with talking to girls though, friday night I had five girls over at my house to drink and talk before we went out. Its like, when things get serious, then the trouble starts. I lost my girlfriend of 9 years about 5 years ago because she cheated on me multiple times and as a result, I'm very careful of letting someone in my true self, if that makes sense. So we'll see how this goes!
 
This! Sounds like she is harassing you till you go mad and slap her.

Thats exactly what happened in our relationship. In arguments she was constantly pushing me, saying things to hurt me to most, saying I wasnt a man enough, not even in bed, and all sorts of hurtfull stuff, till I couldn't handle it anymore and exploded.

I don't know man, a restraining order... that sounds serious. I just hope it stops eventually without me having to do something drastic like that.
 
Thats exactly what happened in our relationship. In arguments she was constantly pushing me, saying things to hurt me to most, saying I wasnt a man enough, not even in bed, and all sorts of hurtfull stuff, till I couldn't handle it anymore and exploded.

I don't know man, a restraining order... that sounds serious. I just hope it stops eventually without me having to do something drastic like that.

How long has this gone since she started?
 
Could you rephrase that or clearify the question?

How long has this childish harassing been going on is what he's asking. If it's for a fairly long period of time maybe it is time you make your threats towards her a bit more serious, legally that is.
 
Well in our relationship it just got worse and worse over time. The first year or so I felt like a fucking God around her, she was so addicted to me. I was perfect in her eyes, and all her ex boyfriends were the scum of the earth. Then after a while this bullshit manipulating slipped in, and more and more I did was wrong according to her.

As far as harrasing goes after the relationship ended, not that long. Its been two months since the break up... I guess she really started last weekend, then a few times during this week, and now yesterday night. So I dont think its long enough yet to get a restraining order, plus I don't know man, I want to try to keep that drama as far away from me as possible. Doing that will just add fuel to the fire, giving her the negative attention she wants. I hope in time she gets the hint while Im having a good time with friends and going on dates.
 
Oh I agree, and a week is nothing, but you really can't show a single moment of weakness or it'll reset the progress. Zero contact and she'll get it. Eventually.
 
I know man, and thats what scares me. I'm a human being, I have weak moments. I have moments where I miss her. I just have to make sure that during those weak moments I'm not in any way in contact with her and I just go through them myself. I don't want to reset the progress, the moment I show my weakness to her she'll become a bitch again and try to bring me down. I guess thats also a reason why I post it here, so I have this place to vent instead of walking in her trap.

Thanks for listening folks, I dont want to hijack this thread or anything, Im just glad you guys are giving solid advice.
 
Asked this cute chick out yesterday. This is basically how the texting went (text is simplified, I'm not writing every detail):

Me: Hey you want to go out on monday?
Girl: Sorry I got plans on monday. Maybe another day?
Me: Well tuesday and wednesday ain't cool for me. Let's meet on thursday then.
Girl: Sorry I'm busy on thursday.


So about at this point I was getting quite pissed off. So I just went:

Me: Well, it's a no date for next week then.

So 3 hours later she texts:

Girl: So... my plans for thursday went off. Is the offer still on? :)

Fucking girls.
 
Wut. She was busy two of the four days and you were busy two of the four days. Then her schedule cleared up. Yeah..fuckin girls...
 
Wut. She was busy two of the four days and you were busy two of the four days. Then her schedule cleared up. Yeah..fuckin girls...

I'm not buying that. She was playing imo considering how thursday magically went off.

Just go with it and see what happens. Nothing to lose right?

Yeah I'm going. I didn't say it was a dealbreaker, I just feel a bit played there. :p Don't like that.
 
Ok..so she gave it a few hours to think or maybe moved stuff around on Thurs and then let you know she was down. If you go in thinkin she's just playin games you'll be suspicious of her the whole time.
 
What say you GAF?

I think I just read Hitch...

You can lose opportunities while you're focused on following a plan sometimes so better look for chances. Either for a kiss or to tell her you like her whichever comes first just do it and follow it up with the other one.
 
So it's basically been made apparent to me that my worst fears are true, I'm am an ugly looking person. The main problem is usually there is no 'spark' or whatever and girls want to stay friends or still meet up and have fun or whatever but my looks are not attractive. I mean, what the fuck can I do. Ok, I'm not fat, i look after myself but I look like I've fallen out the ugly tree and hit a few branches on the way down. No amount of gym work will make my face more attractive. I'm fucking sick of it, seriously I'm so jealous of decent look people lol pathetic I know!
 
So it's basically been made apparent to me that my worst fears are true, I'm am an ugly looking person. The main problem is usually there is no 'spark' or whatever and girls want to stay friends or still meet up and have fun or whatever but my looks are not attractive. I mean, what the fuck can I do. Ok, I'm not fat, i look after myself but I look like I've fallen out the ugly tree and hit a few branches on the way down. No amount of gym work will make my face more attractive. I'm fucking sick of it, seriously I'm so jealous of decent look people lol pathetic I know!

Pics? Most people who say that are not really at all as ugly as they claim...
 
So it's basically been made apparent to me that my worst fears are true, I'm am an ugly looking person. The main problem is usually there is no 'spark' or whatever and girls want to stay friends or still meet up and have fun or whatever but my looks are not attractive. I mean, what the fuck can I do. Ok, I'm not fat, i look after myself but I look like I've fallen out the ugly tree and hit a few branches on the way down. No amount of gym work will make my face more attractive. I'm fucking sick of it, seriously I'm so jealous of decent look people lol pathetic I know!
Stop over exaggerating.

And stop putting yourself down. No woman is going to want a man that thinks that way about himself.
 
So it's basically been made apparent to me that my worst fears are true, I'm am an ugly looking person. The main problem is usually there is no 'spark' or whatever and girls want to stay friends or still meet up and have fun or whatever but my looks are not attractive. I mean, what the fuck can I do. Ok, I'm not fat, i look after myself but I look like I've fallen out the ugly tree and hit a few branches on the way down. No amount of gym work will make my face more attractive. I'm fucking sick of it, seriously I'm so jealous of decent look people lol pathetic I know!

Even if you are ugly(which I doubt), look how many ugly people get girls. I know a guy who comes into my work. He's ugly as fucking sin. He has long hair but balding too so it's like a giant comb over. I've seen him with incredible looking women. Hell, I have a friend who is smoking hot. Like one you'd see and go "god damn!". She's dating a fat, ginger guy who's like 15 years older than her.

What's holding you back is your self-esteem and your confidence. If you radiate insecurity then that makes you unattractive. Looks don't matter. Be funny, be confident, and be assertive. Work on those 3 things and girls will find you attractive. I promise you.
 
Stop over exaggerating.

And stop putting yourself down. No woman is going to want a man that thinks that way about himself.

I've been told as such, I'm not putting myself down. Like I said, I have literally been told that what's holding me back is my general appearance. Not that I have to lose a couple of pounds or something, my general appearance. That's kind of a big deal to me, what little confidence I had has been shattered
 
So it's basically been made apparent to me that my worst fears are true, I'm am an ugly looking person. The main problem is usually there is no 'spark' or whatever and girls want to stay friends or still meet up and have fun or whatever but my looks are not attractive. I mean, what the fuck can I do. Ok, I'm not fat, i look after myself but I look like I've fallen out the ugly tree and hit a few branches on the way down. No amount of gym work will make my face more attractive. I'm fucking sick of it, seriously I'm so jealous of decent look people lol pathetic I know!
Dear lord, one of Brent's latest videos from just the orher day is so damn perfect for this post! I'm on the phone here so I'll post it later for you.
 
He's been doing the same whining in this thread for months. Won't provide pics either, in case people wanted to help him with his general appearance.

Of course, if you were pulled aside and told you were a mong, you'd be totally fine with it, right. I'm not putting my pics on here purely because I don't want to be recognised, simple as that.
 
At least Izick posted pics.. If youre just gonna cry about being ugly then do it in random gaf or something.
 
Of course, if you were pulled aside and told you were a mong, you'd be totally fine with it, right. I'm not putting my pics on here purely because I don't want to be recognised, simple as that.

The fact of the matter is your attitude is holding you back. However, you rather dwell on something you can't change easily (appearance) so you can whine about it and go on "OH WOE IS ME" rants, rather then bucking up and stop having such a shitty attitude.
 
You weren't venting, you were hating on yourself. You came into a dating thread to talk about your looks with no motivation to do anything about it. We don't want pics to laugh at you, we want them to prove youre wrong and to lift your spirits. Please play the victim more though.
 
Ugh, its obviously my turn to get some hate for a bit because I dare vent in here. Hint taken, cheers for that.

There's no point venting about something out of your control. You are who you are. So you have two opinions. You can dwell on it, let it infect you and basically control your life. Or you can move on, use what you are in control of and improve it. If you keep knocking yourself down you'll never know how high you can climb.
 
Of course, if you were pulled aside and told you were a mong, you'd be totally fine with it, right. I'm not putting my pics on here purely because I don't want to be recognised, simple as that.

Then post it as a PM. I'll delete it afterwards and give you my honest impressions about your looks.
 
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