Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
ZackieChan
Member
BravesCountry
Banned
I actually got tested before my now ex and I had sex because I had a bit of a wild year beforehand, it felt great to get that done and get back the results and not worry about hurting someone I cared a lot about even though I had practiced mostly safe sex with a screw up or two here and there. I also did it without her even asking and I think she was truly appreciative and it showed that I cared. I would definitely advise routinely getting tested anyways though.
Looking for a bit of different advice than the usual, I have never really had trouble in getting a first date or anything like that, my problem is with keeping relationships going.
You see I have no idea what I am supposed to do with a women when we are alone at hers or mine not counting sex or making out.
I can talk to anyone really with no issues but its the fact when we are just hanging out, at hers/mine or staying the day with a partner I have no idea what im supposed to do.
Maybe its because I am a only child growing up but I have no idea what people do when they are just "chilling together".
This has been my biggest block in not being able to keep a relationship, when we are just sitting on the sofa watching tv. Like am i supposed to talk to her? but then i just get shusshe,. I hate watching TV or movies in general within the company of others. I find it really awkward as we are hanging out but paying attention all on the screen.
If i try and do my own thing, I get comments like "why are you ignoring me"? I'm not trying to ignore them its I just do not know what to do.
I cant seem to find any advice on the low key moments in relationships, Oh i can get a girls number or even set up a good date but these moments that are quieter just throw me through a loop.
I dont want to feel like im just using them for sex, Its just at home I have no idea what we are meant to do.
You see I have no idea what I am supposed to do with a women when we are alone at hers or mine not counting sex or making out.
I can talk to anyone really with no issues but its the fact when we are just hanging out, at hers/mine or staying the day with a partner I have no idea what im supposed to do.
Maybe its because I am a only child growing up but I have no idea what people do when they are just "chilling together".
This has been my biggest block in not being able to keep a relationship, when we are just sitting on the sofa watching tv. Like am i supposed to talk to her? but then i just get shusshe,. I hate watching TV or movies in general within the company of others. I find it really awkward as we are hanging out but paying attention all on the screen.
If i try and do my own thing, I get comments like "why are you ignoring me"? I'm not trying to ignore them its I just do not know what to do.
I cant seem to find any advice on the low key moments in relationships, Oh i can get a girls number or even set up a good date but these moments that are quieter just throw me through a loop.
I dont want to feel like im just using them for sex, Its just at home I have no idea what we are meant to do.
ZackieChan
Member
Talk to her?
Do fun activities together?
Do fun activities together?
Doing Activities i get, but Im talking about when you are just staying a lazy sunday at hers/mine. If i was by myself id go on the computer, check out gaf, play a video game. But with somebody else Im at a complete loss what what to do.
Like if i could take out to do something i would but you know sometimes people dont feel like going out.
ZackieChan
Member
Try #1 in my suggestions.
Congrats, Septimius.
Watch a movie with her.
Listen to music while talking.
Drink and talk.
Play games with her.
Nap.
Watch a movie with her.
Listen to music while talking.
Drink and talk.
Play games with her.
Nap.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
netflix and chill?
watch h3h3 productions videos on youtube?
play bridge??
watch h3h3 productions videos on youtube?
play bridge??
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe, during the process of talking to her, you could ask he what she wants to do?
So what's the response when they say 'nothing' like I'm not quite sure how to respond to that. Maybe this is a UK thing but when I ask that's usually the response I get.
Its maddening
Yeah you're right, thanks
I actually have a "sexy time" playlist on my Spotify account. Basically for when we Spotify and chill.
ZackieChan
Member
Then just hang out and do nothing. Chit chat about stuff. Get to know them better. Get something to eat. Basically treat them like a male friend, only you can have sex with them.
Gotdatmoney
Member
To keep it short I'm speaking from the position of already having established a decently lengthy friendship. What you are arguing is basically you wouldn't reciprocate if you had no mutual feelings. Basically I'm just saying I'm down for physical stuff with people I already like at a friendship level. If I wanted more from them, I would just say so.
Better answered with an example. I have a very lovablr friend. Good looking we get along great. However I have seen how she gets around guys when she is drunk while in a relationship. There is zero chance I would want any part of a relationship with her on those grounds. But I have zero issue with sex. Hence why I would not bother iniating. I dont want to test the current relstionship as I'm very good with it currently. I can just have sex with like lots of other people I'm compatible with.
Life is not always you see someone cute and innediately junp to asking for a date. Its a little more nuanced than that. Its also entirely possible for someone to initially want friendship and grow to want sonething more as they spend more time with someone or just get to know then better. I'm not on team "friends first" by any stretch of imagination but I know people who I originally weren't into that through more interactions flipped my stance.
Same as before. Real life is not always as cut and dry. Am I going to tell people to ask out their co workers? Their mentors? Someone they know they are barely going to see due to distance? Again, I'm not on team bitch out but your analysis is painfully simple here.
You and I have very different ideas of what sexually attractive means. Sexually attractive to me means someone I would want to have sex with. Putting feelings in there is not in my definition. And I assumed you meant gf because that is ultimately the road dating leads to. You can't date the same person forever.
This is why I said you didn't read my response. I only commented on specific parts of your post. I never said anything about new acquiantances. I was talking about people you already have firmly defoned relarionships with now. Also there is nothing scary about showing romantic interest from the start. I know you are not talking about me but just in general. If you dont show intent early you are just crippling your chances. Once you realize that, its not at all intimidating.
As I said early, we have very different ideas and definitions on attraction.
You typed a lot of words to analyze having sex with your good looking friend if they want it. You don't always know you want something from every good looking person you meet. If you do more power to ya I suppose. If I tried to take every cute girl I ever interacted with or became friends with on a date I'd have a lot of wasted money and a lot of wasted time.
I don't disagree with the principle. We just have defined our ideas of attraction differently. In general, until its a done deal my advice to people is don't expect amything.
Hey everyone. Its been a while. Winter break sucks.
That girl I've been talking to since like October? Haven't talked to her since the 23rd beyond "Happy new year!" and a few tweets back and forth the other day. My friend and I got a little drunk tonight and I got bold and started using snapchat and I tweeted about it. She added me and texted me within 5 minutes and said "I'm gonna bug the shit out of you on snapchat now", so we snapped back and forth like 5 times and it was great, really nice to see her face again. I talked to my friend and he said I'm TOO intimidated by her. I think I'm building her up in my head to more than she is and I need to just fake confidence until I can make something g happen.
I'm probably moving on campus in 2 weeks and we'll be neighbors and she already said she wants to party with me and my roommate so it should go well. I just feel like there's no way she's Interested in me. She's very smart and motivated and (I think) very beautiful and shit, but my friend read our texts and said it's obvious she's into me and I'm just building her up in my head. And I know you guys told me to explore other options, but I just can't find anyone else. I don't know. I just like her too much and thatll always be my downfall
Sorry for the rambling, but I've missed you guys and the drunk thread is dead right now.
That girl I've been talking to since like October? Haven't talked to her since the 23rd beyond "Happy new year!" and a few tweets back and forth the other day. My friend and I got a little drunk tonight and I got bold and started using snapchat and I tweeted about it. She added me and texted me within 5 minutes and said "I'm gonna bug the shit out of you on snapchat now", so we snapped back and forth like 5 times and it was great, really nice to see her face again. I talked to my friend and he said I'm TOO intimidated by her. I think I'm building her up in my head to more than she is and I need to just fake confidence until I can make something g happen.
I'm probably moving on campus in 2 weeks and we'll be neighbors and she already said she wants to party with me and my roommate so it should go well. I just feel like there's no way she's Interested in me. She's very smart and motivated and (I think) very beautiful and shit, but my friend read our texts and said it's obvious she's into me and I'm just building her up in my head. And I know you guys told me to explore other options, but I just can't find anyone else. I don't know. I just like her too much and thatll always be my downfall
Sorry for the rambling, but I've missed you guys and the drunk thread is dead right now.
Gotdatmoney
Member
This can only end badly. But since we already established that some couple of months ago, ask her on a date. If you want any chance of making it work you are killing your chances by waiting.
How about asking her out? You'll never know if don't. Literally. Trying to guess "gosh does she like me? goshgoshgosh" will do you no good and you'll never have an answer that way. I'm not aware of your previous dealings with her, but do try to just ask her out, then you'll know.
ZackieChan
Member
I thought he did ask her it? Wasn't that a big deal here a few months ago?
Gotdatmoney
Member
He did. But what are we gonna say? "Oh, we were all so wrong and there is a chance?!! She has your snapchat bro you're in!!!" May as well encourage the inevitable failure so he gets it over with asap.
He should. Not cause its going anywhere but mainly cause maybe this is a three strikes and your out sorta thing. The only thing his post indicated is this girl firnly has him in the friend category.
Pasta_Soup
Member
I really, really doubt you've actively tried looking for other women. And judging by your continued infatuation with her, you don't seem to be in the proper mind-set to really look.
And yes, you putting her on a pedestal has been your downfall from the very beginning. I've been there, most people have in the beginning of their romantic career. Good thing is, hopefully by the end of this you'll have learned a lot about yourself and what not to do when pursuing a new woman.
Just woke up and...
...oh yeah. That's embarassing. Sorry about that.
You guys are probably right, I should probably give it another shot at some point and then call it quits after if nothing happens. Maybe moving on campus will make it easier to find someone else, because I only really met her last semester. I've always had the issue of getting tunnel vision for girls though, so hopefully I can break that this year. I dunno, we'll see I guess.
...oh yeah. That's embarassing. Sorry about that.
You guys are probably right, I should probably give it another shot at some point and then call it quits after if nothing happens. Maybe moving on campus will make it easier to find someone else, because I only really met her last semester. I've always had the issue of getting tunnel vision for girls though, so hopefully I can break that this year. I dunno, we'll see I guess.
ZackieChan
Member
"at some point..."
Smh
Smh
Well I can't exactly do anything when she's an hour and a half away with her family and I won't be seeing her for two weeks.
Lol fair enough.
AKA she will come over to your place and drink your booze before going out on real dates.
This girl is using you for attention/self-esteem boost, she doesn't view you as dating material and never will.
Like others said, you are in college, it's literally fish in a barrel. Don't waste your time and move on.
Calm down, stop building it up in your head and ask her out.
Matty, answer yourself honestly. Is she really the only interesting girl worthy of your attention in the entire campus?
Septimius has a basic list to start with.
I'll give you another freebie. Cook with her. Look up recipes together, do groceries together, try to cook and mess up together, eat together. Lots of bonding time.
It doesn't have to be work-related. Having a passion is attractive. What drives you (outside of work)?
Septimius has a basic list to start with.
I'll give you another freebie. Cook with her. Look up recipes together, do groceries together, try to cook and mess up together, eat together. Lots of bonding time.
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe the girl is just boring? Or you are? (not you, Llyranor, the dude who posted the question)
Work on that - either get more interesting or find girls who are. Or just resign yourself to only having a sexual relationship. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Leaves you more gaming time
Gotdatmoney
Member
All these girls at college and you gotta focus on one that already said no. Well we have all been there I guess.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Well, no response since this morning on a plan to meet up tonight at 8. She seemed genuinely interested to meet up, but whatever. She's on the rebound and swiping right like crazy.
Damn, kinda stings. Now I feel miserable again.
Damn, kinda stings. Now I feel miserable again.
Hey! I'm usually one to give advice, but now I'm in a predicament and could use some outside perspective.
I've (27M) have been dating this girl (21F) for about a month now and will be going on our 4th date sometime this week.
We've talked about having a night in but the parameters of my living situation hasn't come up yet. She currently lives at home (last year of college) and I moved back home recently (starting a second degree).
It's a sore point in my otherwise pretty good life, which is why I've been waiting until it comes up organically (if they ask) or when I'm in a situation I'm in now.
I sort of jumped the gun and invited her for a night in, in which she agreed and seemed very excited and to also meet my cat.
I'm unsure of the next steps and how to make the best of the situation.
I've considered two options:
I can either shoot a follow-up text. Something in the vein of "BTW: I'm not sure if I mentioned this to you, but I recently moved home to save money on housing costs. You won't encounter my parent when you're over, but didn't want it to be a surprise if you didn't know. Let me know if you're uncomfortable and we could do our regular date"
or
Tell her to meet me at a restaurant where we'd be ordering take-out and let her know there about my situation and let her decide if she wants to do a night in (which might be a bit odd because why wouldn't she first meet me at my place, meet my cat, and then figure out a place together)
I'm leaning towards #1, but I'd hate to do it over text as you can't really gauge responses and the waiting period between sending and receiving will be killer, and though I had one person tell me #2 is a good idea, another said that :
Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.
I've (27M) have been dating this girl (21F) for about a month now and will be going on our 4th date sometime this week.
We've talked about having a night in but the parameters of my living situation hasn't come up yet. She currently lives at home (last year of college) and I moved back home recently (starting a second degree).
It's a sore point in my otherwise pretty good life, which is why I've been waiting until it comes up organically (if they ask) or when I'm in a situation I'm in now.
I sort of jumped the gun and invited her for a night in, in which she agreed and seemed very excited and to also meet my cat.
I'm unsure of the next steps and how to make the best of the situation.
I've considered two options:
I can either shoot a follow-up text. Something in the vein of "BTW: I'm not sure if I mentioned this to you, but I recently moved home to save money on housing costs. You won't encounter my parent when you're over, but didn't want it to be a surprise if you didn't know. Let me know if you're uncomfortable and we could do our regular date
"or
Tell her to meet me at a restaurant where we'd be ordering take-out and let her know there about my situation and let her decide if she wants to do a night in (which might be a bit odd because why wouldn't she first meet me at my place, meet my cat, and then figure out a place together)
I'm leaning towards #1, but I'd hate to do it over text as you can't really gauge responses and the waiting period between sending and receiving will be killer, and though I had one person tell me #2 is a good idea, another said that :
Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm thinking a girl with whom I had a great time with two Saturdays ago is ghosting me. We went out Saturday, yesterday there was no messaging, and today she hasn't replied to the text asking if she was still free on Thursday. The date itself was fun, no clear sign there why she got quiet. She even initiated some making out in the elevator at the end of the night. When we got to her place, she said her brother was staying with her, so escalation wasn't an option. Still made out again though in the car.
Best I can figure is she's looking for someone as into watching sports as she is? Her main points of displeasure seemed to be my lack of sports playing in highschool (i was a nerd) and that I used to be big into video games, even though nowadays I spend more time in a gym. Usually I can figure out what went wrong or what moves I should've made, but this time?
Guess all I can do is shrug and move on.
Best I can figure is she's looking for someone as into watching sports as she is? Her main points of displeasure seemed to be my lack of sports playing in highschool (i was a nerd) and that I used to be big into video games, even though nowadays I spend more time in a gym. Usually I can figure out what went wrong or what moves I should've made, but this time?
Guess all I can do is shrug and move on.
If it were me I'd make nothing of it and explain it when needed, infront of your home or whatever. Not ever text ahead of time making you seem embarrassed. Your reasoning is just. If she isn't mature enough to understand that then you're better off, right?Hey! I'm usually one to give advice, but now I'm in a predicament and could use some outside perspective.
I've (27M) have been dating this girl (21F) for about a month now and will be going on our 4th date sometime this week.
We've talked about having a night in but the parameters of my living situation hasn't come up yet. She currently lives at home (last year of college) and I moved back home recently (starting a second degree).
It's a sore point in my otherwise pretty good life, which is why I've been waiting until it comes up organically (if they ask) or when I'm in a situation I'm in now.
I sort of jumped the gun and invited her for a night in, in which she agreed and seemed very excited and to also meet my cat.
I'm unsure of the next steps and how to make the best of the situation.
I've considered two options:
I can either shoot a follow-up text. Something in the vein of "BTW: I'm not sure if I mentioned this to you, but I recently moved home to save money on housing costs. You won't encounter my parent when you're over, but didn't want it to be a surprise if you didn't know. Let me know if you're uncomfortable and we could do our regular date
or
Tell her to meet me at a restaurant where we'd be ordering take-out and let her know there about my situation and let her decide if she wants to do a night in (which might be a bit odd because why wouldn't she first meet me at my place, meet my cat, and then figure out a place together)
I'm leaning towards #1, but I'd hate to do it over text as you can't really gauge responses and the waiting period between sending and receiving will be killer, and though I had one person tell me #2 is a good idea, another said that :
Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.
'You won't encounter my parent when you're over'. It's just awkward how uncomfortable this sounds, like your parent is a shitty roomate
I guess what's important to understand from what i'm saying is that if she really likes you then your living situation won't make a difference
Aahhh, asked out my friend, she said she likes me as a friend and would prefer to keep it that way. We got pretty close over time but I never thought about dating her until recently really- now that I've been seeing more of her lately and those feelings began to grow though I wanted to just nip it in the bud by getting a yes or no before it grew to become something potentially nasty later. I really hope nothing changes and my feelings just die down, I like having her as part of a group with other really close friends- she's a cool person to have around as a friend and I don't want to ruin that just because she's cute.
Also ex is tweeting about how wonderful her new crush feels after bluntly telling me "relationships are dumb" and "I want to be free" like two weeks ago.
It's a new year thoooo... Year of Success, woooooo 💃💃 for now it is time to try to sleep because I have work in six hours and hopefully my brain lets me do that tonight because stress has been keeping me up lately
Also ex is tweeting about how wonderful her new crush feels after bluntly telling me "relationships are dumb" and "I want to be free" like two weeks ago.
It's a new year thoooo... Year of Success, woooooo 💃💃 for now it is time to try to sleep because I have work in six hours and hopefully my brain lets me do that tonight because stress has been keeping me up lately
your story sort of reminds me of the first time that I was shot down.
it was high school. me and this girl (one of my friends sisters) would hang out at his place some nights and do stuff under blankets in the couch. pretty tame stuff because it was like freshman year. anyway, i was stupid and ended up telling ppl about it. i didnt like her or anything. not at all. but since i had opened my mouth they pressured me into asking her out, and yeah. she said no. it was sort of relief and embarrassment at the same time. oh, yeah and we never really talked after that haha
There was not much to this, but I'll just give a final update.
I'm not gonna move this forward. I figured that the way I was being so passive about it was because I wasn't really that into it. I mean, she's cute, but besides that, after thinking about it and having some chats, there's not really anything exciting about her for me. I'm also not feeling the energy for a relationship atm, since I'm focused on doing my own stuff.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Trying dating sites again... Hope something happens to restore my faith in the whole concept honestly, it's been a weird one so far.
Think I've got decent pictures and profile this time (mix of humour and being genuine, last time my entire profile was just snarky one-liners, like Joss Whedon wrote it or something)
Haven't been on a date in three and a half months so here's hoping...
Think I've got decent pictures and profile this time (mix of humour and being genuine, last time my entire profile was just snarky one-liners, like Joss Whedon wrote it or something)
Haven't been on a date in three and a half months so here's hoping...
Miles Quaritch
Member
A friend of mine once told me she had feelings for me. It felt weird to be around her after that. I was constantly checking myself to make sure I wasn't sending her any signals that she might misinterpret.
I eventually stopped hanging out with her because it was too difficult to always keep what I was doing around her and saying to her in check.
First time asking for advice here, I thought why the hell not, yesterday I asked this girl to go have dinner, by the answer she gave me it seemed that she wanted to go but couldn't, she had stuff to do with her family, should I ask her again today or is it too soon? She is going out of town tomorrow, I don't know for how long, that is why I kinda want to ask her out today, but I could wait
Miles Quaritch
Member
I met up with a girl from Tinder last night. The date was cool, we had good conversation and kissed at the end of the night. Thing is, I am not really sure I am interested in anything more than maybe hanging out with this girl. I know how to seriously date someone, but that is not what I am really looking for right now. How do you casually date people without hurting their feelings?
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