Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Jason's Ultimatum said:
Well we met up. She said she got out and headed to the bank. I told we can still grab a bite, and it'd be fun. She asked where to go and joked and said it better be good to eat lol. She suggested sushi. Soho sushi which was the place I was going to take her.

She's a picky eater apparently. I dunno if we're still meeting up later
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I don't understand this post. You said that you met up but then you're unsure if you are meeting later?

I also don't understand the big deal about going to the bank. Are banks open at night? Is this just the ATM? Anyway, it shouldn't take that long and shouldn't be a big deal.

As others mentioned, you need to relax and go with the flow. Stop trying to read into every little sign about someone. This is one trait my wife has and it drives me nuts at times.
 
Jason's Ultimatum said:
Yeah I know.

I don't know. It's funny because I'm glad we met tonight, but it's hard to gauge her interest, especially when she's talking about getting her life on track and back on the dating scene.

After we leave and walk to her car, we hug, kinda stand their awkward. I then ask her if she ever figured out my eye color. Should've told her to look closer with a smile, and go for the kiss.

Anyway we hugged again and a quick kiss on the lips.

So I dunno. When I'm playful face to face with her, for example her bringing up my sign and me saying how were compatible, and we have that going on for us, she kinda gives a little smile but not in a playful or teasing way if you get what I'm trying to say.

So I dunno.
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Just play it cool and without being needy make sure you let her know that you are still interested in her. It seems like from what you've been saying that you are giving her mixed signals or uncertainty. I think she just seems like the type to not initiate plans and relationships so you will have to take the helm if you are still into it and want to continue to pursue a relationship with her. Text her in a day or two and ask her if she wants to have another date, maybe even a hang session at one of your places.
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
You are being pushy. There's something to be said for giving people breathing space and allowing things to develop naturally. Why does it matter when she's ready? The right move was to tell her it's totally all right, that you understand work -- adulting's hard, man -- and you're happy to see her. Then, act like it's not a big deal, because it's not a big deal. Also, none of those rapid-fire suggestions.



I don't see conflicting signs. She's agreeing to go out with you. That is a single sign. Also, you shouldn't text so much throughout the day. Texting is, quite frankly, your downfall; I counsel you to simply be an infrequent texter, as it's going to save you a lot of headaches and heartaches. I think I lost something in your autocorrect, but: you told her by the time she's ready and you all get there, you won't have much time for what? Were you waiting on a show? There's plenty of things for you to do if your dinner's abbreviated. You could, for instance, go for that walk you mentioned; or you could leave it for next time.



So, basically, you were worried about nothing. Or wait, I'm confused. You both are texting about where she's going to eat tonight, but you're not actually meeting up? Just give it a rest for now.



I feel like he lives up to his username with the women he's dating.
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Well when we initially met i joked about us not having anything to talk about when we meet, because we were texting a lot. She said well maybe it wasn't meant to be. I said what do you mean? She said well if we can't talk about anything then it wasnt meant to be.

She likes to text, and I do make her laugh. She tells me face to face when she uses lol or hahaha she's legit laughing at work.

Shes going on a cruise soon with friends. I'll promise I won't get paranoid.

But her bday is next week. I know it's too soon for present or anything. A happy bday text good enough, because shes definitely doing something with friends.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Sort of reminds me of an ex who wouldn't french kiss because she thought it was gross. Always wondered what she was ever going to do if she started looking for a serious relationship.
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What the fuck? It's not even a kiss if there isn't a little tongue. I hope she wasn't you main girl for long :P Poor bastard

Also, eating booty? Meh. Oral. Amazong.
 
Wormdundee said:
Can we just review the rules again or something?

1. If a girl doesn't make time for you, she's not interested.
2. If she doesn't suggest backup times she's not interested.
3. Being 'busy' is almost never a legitimate reason. She's not interested.
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Hurts, but it's true. Thinking about it I do the same thing to girls I'm not interested in.
 
luckyboyceo said:
I'm fucking pathetic. It's been four years (to the day) and I'm still not over my ex. We don't talk. Haven't in over a year. Yet I still can't hold a relationship for over two months because I'm constantly comparing my new girlfriends to my ex... and they never stack up.

I'm at a complete loss at this point. I've done everything I can do to try and move on, and yet, nothing seems to work. Part of me thinks that maybe I'm still searching for some kind of closure, and that if I were to see her today, maybe that'd be the final piece of the puzzle that finally allows me to let go of whatever it is I'm holding onto. Of course, there's also the risk that seeing her would bring back a massive rush of emotions and fuck me up even further, but at this point I'm so tired of having her haunt me and my new relationships that I think it might be worth the risk.

Anyone have any encouraging stories on getting over an ex?
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I was married for 2.5 years got divorced and literally meet my next long term girl friend the week after I separated with my ex wife.

I was with her for 2.5 years and we split for 30/70 emotional business reasons and the day after she left, I was learning how to date online for the first time ever. You just have to get out there. Every person has pros and cons about them find someone who meets your goals and doesnt seem to hit what made you want to split with your ex.
 
Oblivion said:
Dunno about you guys, but I'm quite enjoying seeing Jason constantly spazzing out. He's a pretty good looking guy, so if he's having trouble with the womenfolk, it makes me feel a lot better in regards to my own problems.

Also, lay off OCDChewie. Eating ass if fucking disgusting.
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Sounds like someone hasn't eaten the booty
 
Jason's Ultimatum said:
Yeah I know.

I don't know. It's funny because I'm glad we met tonight, but it's hard to gauge her interest, especially when she's talking about getting her life on track and back on the dating scene.

After we leave and walk to her car, we hug, kinda stand their awkward. I then ask her if she ever figured out my eye color. Should've told her to look closer with a smile, and go for the kiss.

Anyway we hugged again and a quick kiss on the lips.

So I dunno. When I'm playful face to face with her, for example her bringing up my sign and me saying how were compatible, and we have that going on for us, she kinda gives a little smile but not in a playful or teasing way if you get what I'm trying to say.

So I dunno.
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Not everyone gives obvious cues to interest. Some people are very expressive, some more coy, some non-existent. If she continues to see you, she's interested.

This is actually something that really irritates me in these threads.

People assume that every action, every glance, every hand gesture, every eyelash flutter means something. That it means she's flirting or disinterested. Or that every conversation has to go from A to B to C in a neat fashion. It doesn't, Some conversations end abruptly, you don't have to have identical interests, you can even disagree. Sometimes it is even good to! The woman I'm currently dating took me to this chinese restaurant. It was fucking terrible. Some people in this thread would be unable to sleep over this horror. But actually it was a great bonding moment.

At the end of the day people are very complicated and don't always understand themselves let alone project their true feelings clearly. Just go by the general actions and be yourself. Don't pretend to like things you don't. Don't overemphasise each individual moment.

Also lay off Chewie guys, the dude is such a sweet, innocent guy!
 
Just dropping by to say it sucks "meeting" someone interesting and I might be compatible with only for a couple of minutes and possibly not to see them ever again.

I swear to god my fuckin coworker intentionally cockblocks me..
 
Reckoner said:
long post
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Well I was going to ask her out again today, in context to what I said in the post I quoted, but for some reason she was in a very weird mood today. When I arrived at work I saw her at the entrance and when I was going to say Hi she just looked away. After a while, I went to initiate some small talk and she seemed very distant. Is this it? I understand why though.
 
Reckoner said:
Well I was going to ask her out again today, in context to what I said in the post I quoted, but for some reason she was in a very weird mood today. When I arrived at work I saw her at the entrance and when I was going to say Hi she just looked away. After a while, I went to initiate some small talk and she seemed very distant. Is this it? I understand why though.
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Leave it be. If she's interested she will come to you.

Chasing, especially in the workplace, is the worst thing you can do right now.
 
Granadier said:
Leave it be. If she's interested she will come to you.

Chasing, especially in the workplace, is the worst thing you can do right now.
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I'm not chasing. Actually, it would be really the opposite and probably why this thing went always with such passiveness on my side. After the last few encounters I feel like the ball is on my side, though. I wanted to finally put a period on this, but that happened today and I'm having trouble on what make of it. She's either not interested anymore - as this was the first time she "ignored" me and wasn't "friendly" - or whatever.

Something like this happened with some other girl in the past and it turned out that she was just messing with me and things went well. But it wasn't in the workplace, and that changes things and feels more limiting.
 
Wormdundee said:
Can we just review the rules again or something?

1. If a girl doesn't make time for you, she's not interested.
2. If she doesn't suggest backup times she's not interested.
3. Being 'busy' is almost never a legitimate reason. She's not interested.
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This is so true, if a girl wants to see you she will make time (obviously if there isn't a legit emergency)
 
Reckoner said:
I'm not chasing. Actually, it would be really the opposite and probably why this thing went always with such passiveness on my side. After the last few encounters I feel like the ball is on my side, though. I wanted to finally put a period on this, but that happened today and I'm having trouble on what make of it. She's either not interested anymore - as this was the first time she "ignored" me and wasn't "friendly" - or whatever.

Something like this happened with some other girl in the past and it turned out that she was just messing with me and things went well. But it wasn't in the workplace, and that changes things and feels more limiting.
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I was basing this on you saying that you asked for her number once or twice before but still didn't receive it. If that's not the case, then it could be something else entirely.
 
Granadier said:
I was basing this on you saying that you asked for her number once or twice before but still didn't receive it. If that's not the case, then it could be something else entirely.
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I asked her out and at the end of our conversation I also asked for her number. She couldn't give it to me right away (we don't have access to the phones while working), but agreed happily, and since I didn't have her number, the day before our scheduled date she came to my department (where she never is), but didn't mention the date and talked about something else I already knew and was taking care of - I read this as she wanting the date (it's out of question she didn't want, really, after all the flirting) but was expecting me to do the talk, which is very common.

I know I basically failed at making things happen the first time, but clearly there were more opportunities. Now my guess is that she is realizing that I'm not going to make it happen and thinking I'm not interested anymore while getting herself uninterested also. When I'm in work mode I'm always in a hurry. It's difficult for me to approach her after the way she "behaved" today, but I'm not sure how to get her interest again - if that even is the case - or if I should just put this aside altogether. What do you suggest to salvage this?
 
Does any of you ever dated a taller woman?
I am 5' 5" and she is 5' 7". According to her there is no problem at all. Any tips on how can I look just a bit taller?
 
Vic_Bast said:
Does any of you ever dated a taller woman?
I am 5' 5" and she is 5' 7". According to her there is no problem at all. Any tips on how can I look just a bit taller?
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Do what the stars do. Platform shoes. Or you could make like Tom Cruise and have a trench dug where she could stand in.
 
Vic_Bast said:
Does any of you ever dated a taller woman?
I am 5' 5" and she is 5' 7". According to her there is no problem at all. Any tips on how can I look just a bit taller?
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I've got it. I'm a genius. If you are taking her to somewhere like a coffee shop for example, go beforehand, take one of the chairs and saw the legs down. So that when your date does start, she can sit in your modified chair.
 
Vic_Bast said:
Does any of you ever dated a taller woman?
I am 5' 5" and she is 5' 7". According to her there is no problem at all. Any tips on how can I look just a bit taller?
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I'm 5' 9" and dated a girl that's 5'11". If she's cool with it, then you're cool. Don't worry about it. That in itself will be attractive and show confidence.
 
The height difference is a test. If you start to wear platform shoes or shoes with large heels, she'll see that you're not confident and that will come off as extremely unattractive.

Be confident in your height. Show her you don't care about the difference and that will help to overcome any height difference.
 
Well I was with someone for almost two months, things were going perfect, many things were said that made me think I was safe and made me lower my guard but she ended it last week because she may have feelings for someone from her past that showed up in her life again and didn't think it would be fair to me to sit in the dark while she figures things out. She said she never dated this person because he was moving away. Things moved pretty quick but we spent so much time together and everything was amazing. I did nothing wrong, in fact did everything perfect according to her. Still said she loves me when she broke it up. She said she has to figure things out, whatever that means. So yeah, shitty week, still not over it and even though I know better I'm holding out for hope. First relationship I've had that was going so well so it's extra shitty. I know I should move on but here I am waiting for the chance that she'll come back to me. If I could know 100% that she isn't coming back it would be easier to move on.
 
zazrx said:
Well I was with someone for almost two months, things were going perfect, many things were said that made me think I was safe and made me lower my guard but she ended it last week because she may have feelings for someone from her past that showed up in her life again and didn't think it would be fair to me to sit in the dark while she figures things out. She said she never dated this person because he was moving away. Things moved pretty quick but we spent so much time together and everything was amazing. I did nothing wrong, in fact did everything perfect according to her. Still said she loves me when she broke it up. She said she has to figure things out, whatever that means. So yeah, shitty week, still not over it and even though I know better I'm holding out for hope. First relationship I've had that was going so well so it's extra shitty. I know I should move on but here I am waiting for the chance that she'll come back to me. If I could know 100% that she isn't coming back it would be easier to move on.
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Move on. Don't be her backup plan. Don't be the guy she can run back to when things don't work out with this other guy. Even if she were to come back, the relationship will never be the same again.
 
zazrx said:
Well I was with someone for almost two months, things were going perfect, many things were said that made me think I was safe and made me lower my guard but she ended it last week because she may have feelings for someone from her past that showed up in her life again and didn't think it would be fair to me to sit in the dark while she figures things out. She said she never dated this person because he was moving away. Things moved pretty quick but we spent so much time together and everything was amazing. I did nothing wrong, in fact did everything perfect according to her. Still said she loves me when she broke it up. She said she has to figure things out, whatever that means. So yeah, shitty week, still not over it and even though I know better I'm holding out for hope. First relationship I've had that was going so well so it's extra shitty. I know I should move on but here I am waiting for the chance that she'll come back to me. If I could know 100% that she isn't coming back it would be easier to move on.
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Better to think that it is completely over and then be happily surprised than the other way around. But my advice? Don't hold out for a girl who isn't sure about you, no matter how great things seemed. You deserve someone head over heels for you.
 
OCDChewie said:
It just scares the hell out of me OCD-wise and taste wise.
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Just wait until after she takes a bath or shower. Problem solved! Although that's probably a bit harder to do on a date than with a girlfriend/wife you're living with, ha.
 
So last night it snowed pretty decently here so the first date I was supposed to go out for in a while got cancelled. Since my GF and I broke up a month ago almost to this date I've been dreading trying to go back out there on a date since I wasn't really ready.

We rescheduled to tonight, and there's this nice place near her house she wants to meet at to grab a beer. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit nervous haha...but in looking forward to it.

BUT (and there seems to always be a but...) my ex texted me last night about how she misses me. We usually do small talk a few times a day but she hasn't really opened up like this until now. Said she wanted to get dinner soon. I said yes because I'm weak, but I do still care about her.

Still going on the date tonight though so I can get myself out there and see if her and I click since we have been holding decent conversation for the past week. Open mind.
 
Banjo-Kazooie said:
So last night it snowed pretty decently here so the first date I was supposed to go out for in a while got cancelled. Since my GF and I broke up a month ago almost to this date I've been dreading trying to go back out there on a date since I wasn't really ready.

We rescheduled to tonight, and there's this nice place near her house she wants to meet at to grab a beer. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit nervous haha...but in looking forward to it.

The real kicker comes when my ex texted me last night ,after I sealed plans with this other girl, about how she misses me, and wanted to meet up for dinner soon. I said sure, even though I know I'm an idiot for doing so, but I'm still not entirely over her.

Love how this happens right as I'm ready to try and get out there again lol ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Going into tonight with an open mind and seeing if me and this other girl click. If not, at least I'm putting myself out there and trying instead of making excuses!
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Misses you aka it didn't work out with this other person and now I want you back because I know you're a sure bet.

I'd break those plans. I know you said you're not over her, but giving in, going on this date and allowing her a way back into your life won't end well.At all.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Misses you aka it didn't work out with this other person and now I want you back because I know you're a sure bet.

I'd break those plans. I know you said you're not over her, but giving in, going on this date and allowing her a way back into your life won't end well.At all.
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Damn you caught me before my edit! Haha. I wanted to try and sound a little less weak :P.

But ya, I know I'm an idiot, my friends tell me I'm an idiot. I'll probably see how this date with Tinder girl goes tonight and play it by ear. This girl and I have probably the strongest connection between the other girls I've messaged over the past couple weeks so I'm hopeful (but still dread first dates lol)
 
Banjo-Kazooie said:
Damn you caught me before my edit! Haha. I wanted to try and sound a little less weak :P.

But ya, I know I'm an idiot, my friends tell me I'm an idiot. I'll probably see how this date with Tinder girl goes tonight and play it by ear.
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Focus all your energy on that and try to forget that you have plans with your ex.

Good luck, you've got this.
 
Reading this thread makes me wonder if anyone even calls anymore to ask people out? Waiting for a response over text must be the most nerve wrecking experience, haha.
 
Hrothgar said:
Reading this thread makes me wonder if anyone even calls anymore to ask people out? Waiting for a response over text must be the most nerve wrecking experience, haha.
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Back when you used a phone, the dilemma was what you do if you got her answering machine. Do you leave a message or call back? That was nerve wracking.
 
Friend called me up to hang out, ended up having sex. Then she suddenly started crying and said it was a mistake.

I wasn't looking to hookup but we've always been close, and I was hoping this might've been the start of something more, but I guess I was hoping for too much. She seems like a wreck emotionally right now, so I'm just leaving her alone until she decides to talk to me again.

I feel like absolute dogshit.

Sorry, not sure if this is really the thread for this. Just wanted to type something out.
 
Quick said:
Friend called me up to hang out, ended up having sex. Then she suddenly started crying and said it was a mistake.

I wasn't looking to hookup but we've always been close, and I was hoping this might've been the start of something more, but I guess I was hoping for too much. She seems like a wreck emotionally right now, so I'm just leaving her alone until she decides to talk to me again.

I feel like absolute dogshit.

Sorry, not sure if this is really the thread for this. Just wanted to type something out.
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Sorry, Quick. Hopefully your friendship will be okay. Good luck.

This is one reason I never took my friend up on FWB. I worried we'd do it then she would hate herself or get upset, but that's because she has a boyfriend.

I also haven't done it because of him, and she won't ask him for permission to be in an open relationship. She's come on to me and I've had to sit there awkwardly, waiting for her to stop.
 
ryseing said:
4. Put down the damn cell phone. Go distract yourself with something else while you're waiting for a response.
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Yup, this is key. Fifth date with a lady friend tonight -- the same one who was sick last weekend and obsessing over studying for her licensing exam. I was a little nervous when she wasn't offering alternative choices, but I put the phone down and did something else. I think this is important: some people are just terrible texters. She is; she hates texting. And we only text to set up in-person date.

Sunday night, when she came over, shel confessed to me that she was worried about being busy and unavailable and that it might've ruined things. Because I didn't constant bother her and gave her space, I was able to truthfully and confidently say, "It's okay. Adulting's hard. We're both professionals, and I know you're busy."

Basically, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by avoiding being clingy.
 
OCDChewie said:
Sorry, Quick. Hopefully your friendship will be okay. Good luck.

This is one reason I never took my friend up on FWB. I worried we'd do it then she would hate herself or get upset, but that's because she has a boyfriend.

I also haven't done it because of him, and she won't ask him for permission to be in an open relationship. She's come on to me and I've had to sit there awkwardly, waiting for her to stop.
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Thanks Chewie.

Yeah, wasn't looking into a FWB, but at the same time, I wonder if that was what she was thinking about. Or if she was maybe thinking about something more like I was. But that point seems moot.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Why do you feel like shit? Did you initiate the sex knowing she was in need of some intimacy?
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She initiated, and I just went with it. But the aftermath with her crying and thinking it was a mistake just makes me feel like discarded waste. I've been flip flopping on "I feel like shit" and "this is going to be fine."

But on another level, I blame myself for not even thinking about the potential issues that would arise from this beforehand.

We're close friends, and now I'm not even sure she'll talk to me again. I told her I'd just give her space and let her sort things out, and to talk to me whenever she wants.
 
Quick said:
She initiated, and I just went with it. But the aftermath with her crying and thinking it was a mistake just makes me feel like discarded waste. I've been flip flopping on "I feel like shit" and "this is going to be fine."

But on another level, I blame myself for not even thinking about the potential issues that would arise from this beforehand.

We're close friends, and now I'm not even sure she'll talk to me again. I told her I'd just give her space and let her sort things out, and to talk to me whenever she wants.
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Definitely, 100% nothing wrong that you did then. I think you're making the right choice with just giving her space.
 
Quick said:
She initiated, and I just went with it. But the aftermath with her crying and thinking it was a mistake just makes me feel like discarded waste. I've been flip flopping on "I feel like shit" and "this is going to be fine."

But on another level, I blame myself for not even thinking about the potential issues that would arise from this beforehand.

We're close friends, and now I'm not even sure she'll talk to me again. I told her I'd just give her space and let her sort things out, and to talk to me whenever she wants.
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I kinda get where you're coming from, but you don't need to feel like shit or blame yourself.

Gving her some space is the right thing to do, but she was clearly after some kind of intimacy and it just happened to be with you. If it wasn't you, it could and probably would have been someone else.

Don't beat yourself up too much.
 
So, haven't been on a date in five months, completely apathetic about dating apps, and every time I go out my friends seem to pick the bars where the people are all aged 40+. Think I'm just going to focus on "me" for a while...

... as if I've been doing anything else the past year!
 
Quick said:
She initiated, and I just went with it. But the aftermath with her crying and thinking it was a mistake just makes me feel like discarded waste. I've been flip flopping on "I feel like shit" and "this is going to be fine."

But on another level, I blame myself for not even thinking about the potential issues that would arise from this beforehand.

We're close friends, and now I'm not even sure she'll talk to me again. I told her I'd just give her space and let her sort things out, and to talk to me whenever she wants.
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You can't control other people. Just yourself.

If anything, you should be feeling some sort of anger at her for using you and then placing this guilt on you. You internalizing this is just going to wear you out when you've done nothing wrong. Don't take anything out on her because she's clearly in a bad place, but I'd find a way to be glad if she no longer talks to you.
 
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