Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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ssharm02 said:
So theres this girl who has big crush on me and i want to ask her out. I am a dating newbie, how do i go about this? tips plz
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Are you me? Well, we're in similar situations with a girl being interested in us. My problem is that I've never really asked girls out that are clearly interested in me. I'm usually the one showing interest and it goes from there.

This girl I've been talking to and hanging around after and before class has been dropping so many hints, but I haven't really felt inclined to ask her out until now. I'm starting to grow annoyed that she's still trying to hint to me, and I'm feeling quite foolish for waiting so long.

Next time we're chilling after class, I'm just going to get to the end of it all. If you're certain that she is interested in you, like I am going to do, just mention an activity or interest that you both have and take it from there.

I'm just going to ask this girl if she wants to do some indoor rock climbing in SF (she likes rock climbing) and get dinner. Either that, or we'll just go out, have dinner, and talk our ears off as we usually do. The thing is with the girl that I am with, we've been talking for a bit, so we know a good amount about each other and how we are.

I highly doubt there would be a drop of awkwardness between us.

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you known of her liking you, and have you approached her at all or talked to her much?
 
M52B28 said:
Are you me? Well, we're in similar situations with a girl being interested in us. My problem is that I've never really asked girls out that are clearly interested in me. I'm usually the one showing interest and it goes from there.

This girl I've been talking to and hanging around after and before class has been dropping so many hints, but I haven't really felt inclined to ask her out until now. I'm starting to grow annoyed that she's still trying to hint to me, and I'm feeling quite foolish for waiting so long.

Next time we're chilling after class, I'm just going to get to the end of it all. If you're certain that she is interested in you, like I am going to do, just mention an activity or interest that you both have and take it from there.

I'm just going to ask this girl if she wants to do some indoor rock climbing in SF (she likes rock climbing) and get dinner. Either that, or we'll just go out, have dinner, and talk our ears off as we usually do. The thing is with the girl that I am with, we've been talking for a bit, so we know a good amount about each other and how we are.

I highly doubt there would be a drop of awkwardness between us.

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you known of her liking you, and have you approached her at all or talked to her much?
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shes been at it since november or december.

tomorrow is the day though, I am fed up. After work I am going to ask her out. fuck it
 
ssharm02 said:
shes been at it since november or december.

tomorrow is the day though, I am fed up. After work I am going to ask her out. fuck it
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You know she likes you? How? I remember the last time...

But just strike up any conversation with her, and ask if she'd like to go out on a date to (place) at (time). Like ripping off a Band-Aid.
 
Lone_Prodigy said:
You lack confidence, self-esteem, etc. and yet you want someone in your life to make you happy. A girlfriend is not going to "fix" you, and you're not going to get a girlfriend with the attitude and way of thinking you have right now.
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Yeah.. Just go fuck it and ask her number or something in the conversation. Recently i was talking to this girl and were having a great convo then i asked for her number.. Got shot down when she said she got a bf. She told me to just add her on facebook but im like nah fuck that (w/o really saying it of course lol). Hey at least i tried. And that wayne gretzki quote is always a great thing to live by.
 
UnObtainium17 said:
Yeah.. Just go fuck it and ask her number or something in the conversation. Recently i was talking to this girl and were having a great convo then i asked for her number.. Got shot down when she said she got a bf. She told me to just add her on facebook but im like nah fuck that (w/o really saying it of course lol). Hey at least i tried. And that wayne gretzki quote is always a great thing to live by.
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whats the quote?
 
Anyone know what the best activities you should get into if you want to meet young women? I find I don't meet many girls anymore aside from the few times I go on a night out at a bar/club (it isn't like I'm slaying in those places anyway) and I'd rather meet girls in an environment more conducive to talking. My friend tells me I should do salsa or get involved in volunteering for a LGBT charity and try to get a job in a bar or a coffee shop if possible (yes, I know not to flirt at work, the job stuff is just for a better social circle).
 
Royal_Phalanx said:
Anyone know what the best activities you should get into if you want to meet young women? I find I don't meet many girls anymore aside from the few times I go on a night out at a bar/club (it isn't like I'm slaying in those places anyway) and I'd rather meet girls in an environment more conducive to talking. My friend tells me I should do salsa or get involved in volunteering for a LGBT charity and try to get a job in a bar or a coffee shop if possible (yes, I know not to flirt at work, the job stuff is just for a better social circle).
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Cooking class. Book clubs. Sewing circles.

Lol um actually girls do many different things and can be found anywhere! Your friend is correct, join some clubs and find some hobbies that involve other people, there are bound to be girls there.
 
ssharm02 said:
cause its friday night :P She at home and I am at home

btw do I get her number or do I give her my number? How does it work?
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oh I assumed that you already had her number.

Ask for her number. Otherwise you are just putting yourself into a waiting game again.
You should really just ask her out first, then ask her number if she says yes.
If she says no, a different time, I can't this weekend, etc. give her your number as a courtesy and then forget about it. The responsibility will be on her at that point, and you don't have to worry about it anymore.
 
Granadier said:
oh I assumed that you already had her number.

Ask for her number. Otherwise you are just putting yourself into a waiting game again.
You should really just ask her out first, then ask her number if she says yes.
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ok awesome, I cant wait to finish work tomorrow! Then I am gonna get her number! I hope this doesnt affect my mid term performance XD
 
ssharm02 said:
ok awesome, I cant wait to finish work tomorrow! Then I am gonna get her number! I hope this doesnt affect my mid term performance XD
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How would getting or not getting her number have any impact on if you can answer questions correctly on exams? So strange.
 
Alright I need some advice:

This is kind of a weird situation. I've been hanging out with woman X who I recently met and we're interested in each other but it's nothing serious yet. Eventually after a few weeks we talk about our friends and stuff and one of my really good friends (call her woman Y) comes up. Anyways she asks how far back we go and eventually if there's a history there, and I'm trying to be honest so I say yeah there is but she has a boyfriend now and they're living together and stuff so it's not a big deal anymore. But now she gets worried and asks if I still have feelings for her....and I mean I can't lie so I say yeah but it doesn't matter because she's not interested and we've both moved on and all that, but she said she's not comfortable with me being friends with her and this pretty much killed the thing dead and now I haven't really heard from her since.

I mean the whole reason I'm seeing this person (or people in general) is because my friends told me I need to be out there dating to "get over" woman Y but if this is going to be the reaction I get then am I just supposed to sit around and mope forever until I some day decide I no longer have feelings for her? Or just flat out lie to someone's face that I just met? I am not really sure what the approach here should be, they both seem like lousy choices.
 
bananafactory said:
Alright I need some advice:

This is kind of a weird situation. I've been hanging out with woman X who I recently met and we're interested in each other but it's nothing serious yet. Eventually after a few weeks we talk about our friends and stuff and one of my really good friends (call her woman Y) comes up. Anyways she asks how far back we go and eventually if there's a history there, and I'm trying to be honest so I say yeah there is but she has a boyfriend now and they're living together and stuff so it's not a big deal anymore. But now she gets worried and asks if I still have feelings for her....and I mean I can't lie so I say yeah but it doesn't matter because she's not interested and we've both moved on and all that, but she said she's not comfortable with me being friends with her and this pretty much killed the thing dead and now I haven't really heard from her since.

I mean the whole reason I'm seeing this person (or people in general) is because my friends told me I need to be out there dating to "get over" woman Y but if this is going to be the reaction I get then am I just supposed to sit around and mope forever until I some day decide I no longer have feelings for her? Or just flat out lie to someone's face that I just met? I am not really sure what the approach here should be.
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Telling the truth is correct. If woman x is so insecure now it won't be very fun in the future when things get serious.

Tell her you are dating her because you are interested in her. And tell her if things get serious with her it's because you want her and you don't want woman y or q or anyone else. And tell her take it or leave it.
 
Hmm, I disagree that you should tell the truth about feelings for another girl. I'd just say "no, that was a long time ago and we're passed that" or something. Why wouldn't she be upset that you have unrequited feelings for another woman?
 
ZackieChan said:
Hmm, I disagree that you should tell the truth about feelings for another girl. I'd just say "no, that was a long time ago and we're passed that" or something. Why wouldn't she be upset that you have unrequited feelings for another woman?
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I don't blame her for being upset, but I also don't want to lie. It's not like I'm chasing after this other woman or something, she's happy and has made it clear nothing has happening and I have fully accepted that so the fact that I have this small part of my brain that's still a bit attached doesn't really matter because nothing is going to happen.

vern said:
Telling the truth is correct. If woman x is so insecure now it won't be very fun in the future when things get serious.

Tell her you are dating her because you are interested in her. And tell her if things get serious with her it's because you want her and you don't want woman y or q or anyone else. And tell her take it or leave it.
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Thanks, that's what I figured. To be honest we still really barely know each other and are not even to the point where I'd call it an exclusive relationship but I made it obvious I was interested in her, and I'm sure if things do get more serious and I'm happy then any other feelings will go out the window so...yeah. I'm at a loss.
 
ZackieChan said:
Hmm, I disagree that you should tell the truth about feelings for another girl. I'd just say "no, that was a long time ago and we're passed that" or something. Why wouldn't she be upset that you have unrequited feelings for another woman?
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Why not say "yes, but that was a long time ago... " It was long before her anyway, and as you said it is unrequited. Once he starts dating woman x and if he's actually interested in her then those other feelings should go away or at least become lessened.

What happens if they get serious and later are all hanging out as friends and woman y says "remember when you used to obsess over me lolllllll that was so funny! So glad you found x! She's so much better for you."

Then woman x is gonna be like "wtf you never told me you liked her even when I asked?"
There is nothing wrong with liking people. If woman x can't handle that then she's gonna be the jealous insecure type the entire time, from my experience. And as both you and I know zackie, there are plenty of women around... find out sooner than later what kind of girl she really is. If you always run away from the truth when it could be tough then you are kind of a wimp.
 
He said that she asked "do you still have feelings for her?"

That's not a long time ago. That's something that's still going on. I'd be pissed if I were her.
 
ZackieChan said:
He said that she asked "do you still have feelings for her?"

That's not a long time ago. That's something that's still going on. I'd be pissed if I were her.
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So I mean, what happens if I say I don't and then months down the road we are hanging with friends and someone drunkenly spills something? Then the whole thing blows up and one of the very first things I told her was a lie. That can't be a good foundation to build trust on.
 
I don't think it's fair to call it insecurity. It's basically an admission that he'd rather be with Y and the only reason he's bothering to meet X is because she's available and Y is not. I mean, you didn't say it as crudely/bluntly as that, but that would how X would perceive that message.

But I would it pretty uncomfortable if the conversation with someone I just met strayed into that territory. That is way too intimate info that X should not be privy to. Makes her sound a bit nosey. DO YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER? 'Let's talk about exes!' is a weird topic to talk about with a stranger.
 
Llyranor said:
I don't think it's fair to call it insecurity. It's basically an admission that he'd rather be with Y and the only reason he's bothering to meet X is because she's available and Y is not. I mean, you didn't say it as crudely/bluntly as that, but that would how X would perceive that message.

But I would it pretty uncomfortable if the conversation with someone I just met strayed into that territory. That is way too intimate info that X should not be privy too. Makes her sound a bit nosey. DO YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER? 'Let's talk about exes!' is a weird topic to talk about with a stranger.
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I'm maybe misrepresenting how it came up. It was just a natural discussion and I told a story that involved the friend and I probably said something in a certain way that made her ask that. She didn't just start interrogating me.

But yeah, I don't know. I certainly understand her perceiving it that way, all I can do is reassure that's not the case and I'm committed to moving on.
 
In the future, you don't need to lie, but say that you've moved on. Which you have by meeting new people, even if it's not fully resolved. You're going to sabotage yourself if you say "yeah but it doesn't matter because she's not interested", that just makes you seem like you're still pining for Y, which is going to be a major turn-off for future X's. I think the wording here is important.
 
Llyranor said:
I don't think it's fair to call it insecurity. It's basically an admission that he'd rather be with Y and the only reason he's bothering to meet X is because she's available and Y is not. I mean, you didn't say it as crudely/bluntly as that, but that would how X would perceive that message.

But I would it pretty uncomfortable if the conversation with someone I just met strayed into that territory. That is way too intimate info that X should not be privy to. Makes her sound a bit nosey. DO YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER? 'Let's talk about exes!' is a weird topic to talk about with a stranger.
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I don't know man. When it comes down to it we are all only dating woman x because woman y didn't work out. If it worked we wouldn't be on the dating scene.

He barely knows her and they've only had a few dates and she is worried about him having feelings for another girl. As I said, if he says he's dating woman x because he is interested in her (which should be true) and she still is concerned about his feeling for woman y then in my mind that is insecurity. Most people have feelings for other people and one way to get over that is to date someone else. I'm sure she has someone in her past she loved or maybe even still cares for. It's perfectly normal. If he can't get over y even after entering a serious relationship later on then it can be a problem. For now though I think honesty is the best and shouldn't be an issue.
 
Well, I got home from the date (previously delayed date #3 for those counting). It went well.

She made it to the theatre before I did, but I'm closer and it was a bit of a drive for her (probably 30-40 minutes, which I feel bad about. But I drove further than her the last two times.) I got there shortly after she texted me, as she was early.

When I walked in, she was waiting in the lobby, and we spoke before going up to get tickets. She just walked up and bought both tickets, then asked if I wanted anything to eat. She got a small popcorn which I had a few handfuls of. I used my rewards card, which hopefully got her a 10% discount and got me some points.

That was really nice of her. We hadn't talked about it. I respect that. And I'm not surprised by it given how she is/her character.

We saw The Witch, which was really smart and good horror. It wasn't something she'd normally see (it's a slow burn and artistic), but she seemed to like it. It did scare her, though, and I noticed.

I couldn't stop thinking about how to and when to make a move, but I did during the latter third of the movie when things picked up. I put my arm around her shoulders and she moved closer. But we'd been sitting close before that.

Still couldn't work up the nerve to kiss her because I don't really know how and fear rejection.
 
OCDChewie said:
Well, I got home from the date (previously delayed date #3 for those counting). It went well.

She made it to the theatre before I did, but I'm closer and it was a bit of a drive for her (probably 30-40 minutes, which I feel bad about. But I drove further than her the last two times.) I got there shortly after she texted me, as she was early.

When I walked in, she was waiting in the lobby, and we spoke before going up to get tickets. She just walked up and bought both tickets, then asked if I wanted anything to eat. She got a small popcorn which I had a few handfuls of. I used my rewards card, which hopefully got her a 10% discount and got me some points.

That was really nice of her. We hadn't talked about it. I respect that. And I'm not surprised by it given how she is/her character.

We saw The Witch, which was really smart and good horror. It wasn't something she'd normally see (it's a slow burn and artistic), but she seemed to like it. It did scare her, though, and I noticed.

I couldn't stop thinking about how to and when to make a move, but I did during the latter third of the movie when things picked up. I put my arm around her shoulders and she moved closer. But we'd been sitting close before that.

Still couldn't work up the nerve to kiss her because I don't really know how and fear rejection.
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If you're on date 3 going on 4, I would say don't fear rejection. She's obviously enjoying her time with you. I say next time, when saying goodbye, go for it!
 
Yeah...I'll have to somehow work up the courage. I have bad anxiety, so this is hard for me.

I feel bad, though, because the weather turned out to be bad and she drove a decent distance. She got lost trying to find the highway to go home, and also had a water bottle she put in her purse leak onto her iPod.

Hopefully it will be okay.
 
Well, this night took a very interesting turn. Went to a strip club, stripper gave me her number, and now she invited me to her place for Netflix and pigging out. I didn't even know that was an option!

If you don't hear from me within 12 hours, assume a stripper has killed me and harvested my organs.
 
Salamando said:
Well, this night took a very interesting turn. Went to a strip club, stripper gave me her number, and now she invited me to her place for Netflix and pigging out. I didn't even know that was an option!

If you don't hear from me within 12 hours, assume a stripper has killed me and harvested my organs.
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Have fun and be safe

Use protection
 
Banjo-Kazooie said:
Both dates I've been on with current girl I have paid. I expected nothing and I'm pretty sure by my demeanor the whole date, and after the first date she knew this. I personally don't mind picking up tabs, especially in different circumstances where I know it shouldn't matter.

It really amazes me that some people think people owe them something just because they paid money for a meal or get together (I remember reading about someone being mad that a date didn't work out and they asked the girl for coffee money or something lol).

I think your demeanor should really set the tone that hey, I'm not expecting you to do anything for me paying for a few beers. I've never given it a second thought really.


Edit: so I've been on two dates now and I'm really enjoying my time with this girl. We have been sharing lots of stories and laughing a lot... its not like those fake half laughs people often give either, it's like full face, cheek flush type laughs that really make me know we are having a good time. Excited to see where this goes...currently have more plans penciled in for tomorrow.

Miles, thanks for giving me some confidence and reassurance a while back...even though I like to see myself as fairly confident, it's always good to have someone backing you up once in a while :P. (And no, I have not met up with my ex yet either...holding strong!)
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That's what we're all here for man. Everyone needs a boost sometimes, I'm just glad it's working out.

And no matter what happens with the current lady you're seeing, do not even give a momentary thought to going back to your ex. It will not end well, it's just a disaster waiting to happen.

If things don't work out, move onto the next lady and don't look back. It'll be easy to get disheartened and feel like going back to something 'safe', but it'll just destroy any positive you'll have taken up to that point.
 
Salamando said:
Well, this night took a very interesting turn. Went to a strip club, stripper gave me her number, and now she invited me to her place for Netflix and pigging out. I didn't even know that was an option!

If you don't hear from me within 12 hours, assume a stripper has killed me and harvested my organs.
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Netflix and pigging out huh?

Pig at the trough...get ready to eat that booty.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Netflix and pigging out huh?

Pig at the trough...get ready to eat that booty.
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Spoiler alert
There was no Netlfix.
Now to file this away in "Stories I can't tell anyone ever". And it'll only be a one-night stand, since she thinks I'm flying back to Atlanta tomorrow.

Good to know I apparently got game, at least game enough to pick up a stripper at a strip club for a one night stand. It's no picking up a nun from a nunnery for a greek orgy, but I'm still content with it.

(As you can tell, I wasn't killed, and my organs are all still where they should be)
 
n64coder said:
Not sure why you felt the need to edit out your previous 7-8 posts. Lame.
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Just a way for me to move on. I'm obviously not in a place where I should talk about these things right now, I don't feel good enough.

plus people quoted those posts if you want to read them.
 
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