Considering she's leaving id guess she just wants to make sure you're okay with long distance.
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FakeGAF 8: Overthirst
- Thread starter WhereAreMahDragonz
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Considering she's leaving id guess she just wants to make sure you're okay with long distance.
The stigma really goes even more aggressively in the opposite direction, by the way. Like boys doing "girl shit" is much less appropriate to people than the opposite.
My nieces, especially the younger one, have a total mix of "girl stuff" and "boy stuff". It's almost right down the middle. She has girly toys and boy toys like scary dragons and monsters and transformers.
Meanwhile, if a boy was interested in fashion (I can't imagine this being the case, but let's just say) he's gay, he's a sissy, etc...
I like rad boy shit, but I also have some "girly interests", but the minute I paint my nails people talk so much and it draws so much attention that I mostly stop doing it because I get tired of talking about it. Like, if you like or don't like the nails, either is fine, but I get tired of that being my identity, which is what it feels like when everyone you come across has a comment
Play with barbies and g.i. joes at the same time = sissy. Try to put a barrette in your hair = international crisis
liliththepale
Banned
Yeah, sounds like it. I'm trying to find the picture but I'm pretty sure Bruce Wayne was well shod during his tire shenanigans.
Why are you stuck there? What's preventing you from going out somewhere to meet new people?
It's neither.
Yeah, I'm aware. I certainly don't envy being on that side of things.
Nomadic Sparks
Banned
FUME5 is the baller Australian motherfucker in a Front Mission game that solo'ed a hard af mid game boss cuz that's how baller Australian do, motherfuckers.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
At the moment? No car and 100% lack of local nightlife. Friends all busy because Sunday. But let's be real; they're always busy, unless I am, in which case they magically become free.
Your friends sound like my friends. I'm sorry you're lonely, bud. I understand the feeling all too well.
Have you thought about trying to find a hobby that gets you outside, SolVander?
Whatchu talkin bout, Willi......
Oh. I thought I was going crazy for a second.
Whatchu talkin bout, Willi......
Oh. I thought I was going crazy for a second.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Like what tho? I always get told to run outside but I can't see myself doing that.
Also: I downloaded Unreal 4... what is anything. I am so lost. Mission abort, skill level in the negatives
EatChildren
Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
Growing up in rural(ish) Australia heavily enforced stereotypical gender roles and expectations. Being a male who had zero interest in playing for the local football team and taking up a trade, instead preferring to smash out the arts and science, came with an unfortunate stigma. There were many of us so I didn't feel alone, and my parents 100% supported my direction, but the stigma reinforced my perspective that I had no real future in the town.
Similarly, if you were a girl taking up a trade the was the assumption you're a lesbian. But that's gross country stereotypes for you; men are physical laboring breadwinners, women raise kids, everyone gets married young and builds a home in the same town they grew up in.
Similarly, if you were a girl taking up a trade the was the assumption you're a lesbian. But that's gross country stereotypes for you; men are physical laboring breadwinners, women raise kids, everyone gets married young and builds a home in the same town they grew up in.
smokeandmirrors
Banned
Open bars are a bad thing for me. I love them.
Also lost 25lbs so go me?
Also lost 25lbs so go me?
liliththepale
Banned
Hey, congrats!
Was that your target, or are you trying to go further still?
and yeah, open bars are great. Much better than pretending to be available so someone will buy me something :O
Obviously. Fuck gender roles. I'll be fancy if I want, goddammit.
Well yeah, a lot of the options that come to mind would require physical activity.
I was going to suggest thinking of a neat place you haven't been to in a while but no car. You could try a cab if you really wanted to.
Maybe just walk around and throw stones at a river? Beats self loathing in a room.
I wouldn't rule it out.
Well yeah, a lot of the options that come to mind would require physical activity.
I was going to suggest thinking of a neat place you haven't been to in a while but no car. You could try a cab if you really wanted to.
Maybe just walk around and throw stones at a river? Beats self loathing in a room.
Gender roles in Colombia are still pretty strict. There's argument that because of all the violence and shitty hyper masculinity, we export the idea of our hyper femininity being awesome: " Beauty for Colombians has become an external representation of order and morality that can counter the pathological effects of violence, inequality, and exclusion in their country."
Growing up with those standards from my family was really fun as a below average / average looking girl with traditionally masculine interests. I've gotten more girly as I've grown, but part of it is being able to choose for myself and do it on my own terms. My self esteem didn't let me put any more effort into my appearance when I was younger so I don't have a lot of experience putting on make up or doing hair or stuff like that. I do like the idea but I still get really down about it if it doesn't make me look any better. And I know nothing that I do as a woman will ever be near what my male cousins accomplish as far as extended family goes.
Also, first part of my Wanda costume came in! Time to delve into the world of shapewear, strapless bras, and other tricks to make my body look like that of a female superhero. (And on topic, more like what a Colombian woman should look like.)
Growing up with those standards from my family was really fun as a below average / average looking girl with traditionally masculine interests. I've gotten more girly as I've grown, but part of it is being able to choose for myself and do it on my own terms. My self esteem didn't let me put any more effort into my appearance when I was younger so I don't have a lot of experience putting on make up or doing hair or stuff like that. I do like the idea but I still get really down about it if it doesn't make me look any better. And I know nothing that I do as a woman will ever be near what my male cousins accomplish as far as extended family goes.
Also, first part of my Wanda costume came in! Time to delve into the world of shapewear, strapless bras, and other tricks to make my body look like that of a female superhero. (And on topic, more like what a Colombian woman should look like.)
What's the motivation for this?
smokeandmirrors
Banned
gender roles are dumb. and it's been the hardest thing to realize that i dont conform to any of them and what that means for me as a person.
Hey, congrats!
Was that your target, or are you trying to go further still?
no target until just now (probably ~100lbs) didnt even realize i was losing weight. getting a job in a city that's really walkable has been the best thing that's ever happened to me.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
When you go full emo
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Also taking selfies in WoW because you can do that now. Here's me chilling with the lord of light or whatever
I do have a car by the way, just not at the moment. I need a new one because this one keeps needing repairs.
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Also taking selfies in WoW because you can do that now. Here's me chilling with the lord of light or whatever
I do have a car by the way, just not at the moment. I need a new one because this one keeps needing repairs.
liliththepale
Banned
Free drinks. Getting stuff for free is fun.
That's really good to hear! Here's hoping you can keep it up
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Is that part of why you moved away?
In my experience those that I have dated have enjoyed the cliche old fashioned chivalry stereotype. And I enjoy opening doors, letting my date sit first and paying for meals. I was instilled with "being a gentleman" at a very young age. Thanks dad.
It's going to be a thing to rewire my brain to see if this kind of behavior is appropriate when I start dating again.
You don't think this is manipulative?
It's going to be a thing to rewire my brain to see if this kind of behavior is appropriate when I start dating again.
You don't think this is manipulative?
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
It's been the exact opposite for me. I had someone tell me they didn't sign up to date a doormat.
From my folks or from Colombia?
It's definitely part of why I can't live with my mother. I love her but I still can't really do much of anything around her without being criticized to hell and back. I know in her mind she means well but intentions only go so far.
I've totally been taken advantage of (especially by my ex) and so I'm going to be more cautious with my kindness going forward.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Oh hey, I missed this. Great job. Losing weight is a big accomplishment and you should feel good about yourself for doing it.
I dunno. If I did that, I'd just be self loathing while throwing stones at a river.
Perhaps. lol
Getting yourself in a more vibrant environment can be good for your disposition anyway.
Also, exposure to the sun releases serotonin. So there's that.
liliththepale
Banned
I think buying something for someone and expecting to get something in return is manipulative. If I gift something to someone, it's because I want them to have that, not because I want something from them. If I want something from someone, I'll just ask!
That makes sense.
My mom basically never criticizes me. It feels kinda weird to be honest, like she's letting me get away with stuff I probably shouldn't.
I think buying something for someone and expecting to get something in return is manipulative. If I gift something to someone, it's because I want them to have that, not because I want something from them. If I want something from someone, I'll just ask!
I just think it's a bit disingenuous to lead people on for free drinks.
It's also shitty of guys to buy drinks expecting to get laid.
The whole game is fucking stupid
Nerdkiller
Membeur
So, I just watched Animal House for the first time in a decade...JESUS, what were they thinking with that bar scene!?
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
AgreedI just think it's a bit disingenuous to lead people on for free drinks.
It's also shitty of guys to buy drinks expecting to get laid.
The whole game is fucking stupid
Speaking of bar games
I need to try that cyberpunk bartending game
smokeandmirrors
Banned
That's really good to hear! Here's hoping you can keep it up
I hope I can too. But I feel better than I have in years so that should help me keep it up. And thanks.
Thanks! It was a nice surprise after a couple downer months.
Common doesn't mean it's right
Imagine the psychological effect it has on the person buying the drink.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Someone was very good at that game
I think putting pressure on a meeting -- by making it transactional "hey, I gave you somethimg, you sorta owe it to me to at least talk to me" is a really shitty thing to do and if that's your mindset hten I don't care if you get rejected or used
liliththepale
Banned
I'm not sure what you're getting at. If someone resents being generous then there was something wrong with them in the first place. Because otherwise the person should use it as a learning experience, and in the future be more direct if they want something from someone.
That's how I see it anyway. You're free to elaborate of course.
If you want to talk to a girl, then talk to her and see if she wants to talk to you. Don't buy a drink then wait for her to fulfill her debt to you by talking to you or whatever is going on in your weird mind
I dunno, I'm not big on the whole bar thing for meeting new women, but that seems twisted to me.
I dunno, I'm not big on the whole bar thing for meeting new women, but that seems twisted to me.
I'm not giving a pass to the person buying the drink if they expect something in return.
I'm also not giving a pass to someone who intentionally exploits someone they wouldn't normally be interested in talking to.
The only situation in which this is moral is if the person buying the drink has zero expectations and the person receiving the drink is genuinely interested in socializing. Where it goes from there is anyone's guess.
But hey that's just me wanting an ideal situation
It's not twisted, but it's egotistical. Trying to control the interactions by moving the expectations via gifts.
I've always considered it a bit presumptive.
EatChildren
Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
We buy jugs and rounds between us, so I figure if it's a straggler, cute girl or otherwise, I'm just buying them a drink or whatever to be nice and sharing is caring.
Unspoken rules of social engagements probably depend on the type of establishment you frequent though. I'd rather chew glass than club so maybe it's different there.
Unspoken rules of social engagements probably depend on the type of establishment you frequent though. I'd rather chew glass than club so maybe it's different there.
I would imagine (I don't spend a ton of time in bars/clubs so correct me if I'm wrong) it's because bars/clubs tend to contain men going around acting like sharks trying to pick women up, and some women are very hip to this and willing to take the free booze that are being offered. I don't put any blame on them. If a man wants to meet said woman then he should talk to her and see if she wants to talk to him rather than expect something in return for buying something.
And if you just buy someone a drink just because you're friendly and don't want anything in return (as EC said) then that's fine, but if you are going to feel slighted that she didn't talk to you or didn't talk to you for long enough then you're a shitstain and deserve to be played.
I would have a hard time saying no if someone offered to buy me a coke.
Has that always been the case or did she loosen up when you got older? I can see that being a bit weird but overall it sounds pretty alright!
liliththepale
Banned
Forgive me if you see this as different, but what about like when you're at Costco or Trader Joes or wherever and they have the sample foods out for you to try, hopefully so that you'll purchase the goods. Do you feel like it's uncouth to take such a sampling if you have no intention to purchase the product?
As far as I can remember, yeah. She's comparably much stricter on my older brother.
CrudeDiatribe
Member
Ffs, came down with a death cold yesterday and am now trying to fall asleep in a cottage on a double bed with people chatting around a bonfire a few cottages over. Woke up and was sure it was 2am, but it is not even midnight and have only managed 50 minutes of sleep.
A reminder you are dating a 20 year old. Hot young body vs too earnest and too frequent discussion of feelings and futures. Alas.
Still, might be constructive. The especially bad version begins with "we need to talk".
Yeah, I go to bars to yell at existing friends over the crowd noise. Have seen couples get together via meeting at a bar, but it's never been the 'can I buy you a drink' sort of meeting. I know it happens, but not in my circle.
A reminder you are dating a 20 year old. Hot young body vs too earnest and too frequent discussion of feelings and futures. Alas.
Still, might be constructive. The especially bad version begins with "we need to talk".
I was totally the one to instigate these conversations when I was 20; I am cringing at the memories.
Yeah, I go to bars to yell at existing friends over the crowd noise. Have seen couples get together via meeting at a bar, but it's never been the 'can I buy you a drink' sort of meeting. I know it happens, but not in my circle.
Ceallach
Smells like fresh rosebuds
Yeah, when I used to bar, I definitely abused men for free drinks. Male entitlement is very easy to manipulate.
Nerdkiller
Membeur
I think there is some degree of blame to be had on the recipient of the drink as well.
Again, I think it's disingenuous to pretend to be interested to receive things.
Who instigates this behavior is all very situational. It's to a lesser degree I'm sure but I'm certain that there are some female sharks out there too.
I'm reminded of the episode of master of none where Aziz Ansari takes that one girl out for dinner and she turns out to only be interested in the free food.
I wouldn't sample something unless I was interesting in purchasing the product.
Like when I'm at the deli and they offer to give me a sample of meat or cheese. I'm using that sample to confirm my interest.
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