Alright FakeGAF, I'm drunk and by myself on a Friday night, and I feel close to all of you, so let me share you a story.
I met a girl once. She was really, really good looking. She ended up becoming my first real girlfriend. She was funny, loved games, we shared interests and philosophies, and we had sex like three times a day at least. It was awesome. She was also a trust fund baby and the inheritor to a multi-million dollar inheritance. We eventually got engaged. She was going to bring me to Puerto Rico and I was going to live the easy life forever.
Eventually, some red flags began to surface. She started telling me about her different personalities, which she eventually started giving names to. She began to tell me she delved into Satanism at various points in her life. She started to show signs of serious mental instability. Eventually, the worst happened, and we had a miscarriage. I still haven't gotten over that and it hit me very, very deeply. We decided that the relationship wasn't working out, and I called it off, despite us having our wedding planned and everything and her being very adamant about continuing our relationship. My easy life was now gone. She started spreading nasty rumors about me, and I lost all of my old friends, which she was able to keep. I still can't talk to most of them. I moved back in with my parents and started to work in retail hell, in a freezer at the local grocery store. I've since found a better job, but since then, I've been too afraid/traumatized to pursue another relationship. It's been five years, and there've been sparks between myself and others, but I never pursued them out of sheer terror of repeating the horrible experience I had before.
There's no point to this post; I'm just venting. Every day I wonder what my life would be like if I went through with our marriage. Did I make the right decision? I dunno. I think I did. But I still miss her, and the last words we said to each other were "I love you." Fuck.
Sorry for the serious, depressing talk. If you read this whole thing, thanks. I've had nobody to talk to about it and it's been boiling inside of me for a while.
