Arjuna 9
The first few minutes are stock footage, then bullshit talk about shifting the magnetic poles. Okay. There's some uncomfortable maternity talk going on here. Juna's sister is a more interesting character than anybody else in this show. Can the show be about her instead? Also the aforementioned uncomfortable maternity talk coupled with her sudden unease has me worried about where this episode is going.
Oh God no. Please someone tell me I'm wrong. We're so not going there. Please tell me we are NOT doing this. Please? I'll rewatch Rah Xephon and 00 if we don't do this. I will be a good boy, just somebody please tell me we're not- we're doing this, aren't we?
Okay, Teenage drama, that's okay, I can handle that. Crisis averted. Oh fuck it's Cindy. You know, in addition to voicing Pink haired band girl from Kill la Kill, I feel like this woman also voiced Rinko the psychotic mind rapist from Dai-Guard. Which means this VA always voices annoying, minisicule bitches.
"Here is a hanky to make up for the fact that I tried to murder you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I, a ten year old girl, will now violate the sanctity of your brain to berate you for not having sex yet.
Prude." I really hope this episode encourages teenage pregnancy. I would fucking dance if it did.
HOLY SHIT IS THIS HAPPENING? HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. NEVERMIND THAT NONE OF THIS IS EVEN POSSIBLE HOLY SHIT WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
HITOKAGE IF YOU READ THIS: I WOULD RATHER HAVE MY UNPREPARED AND INABLE SCOUT AND CHURCH LEADERS TALK TO TEENAGE ME ABOUT SEX THAN HAVE ARJUNA DO IT.
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
AND SHE SAYS THAT IT FEELS GOOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Who thinks of this? WHO THE FUCK THINKS OF THIS? What depraved, evil, sick fuck thinks of this? AND WHAT POSSIBLE POINT COULD THIS HAVE TO THE PLOT? Why? Why would you PUT this? How does this relate to saving the environment? How does this relate to ANYTHING? Why would you write this? To make Cindy sympathetic? YOU COULDN'T DO ANYTHING BETTER THAN THIS? Is the point that women are whores or that women don't care for their babies or that woman who are whores don't care for babies or that Merikan burger makes women into whores who don't care for there babies? WHAT IS THE POINT HERE?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? I expected this all to go in an entirely different episode, and I'm not gonna lie, I would've preferred that direction to this. It's like God heard me ask "please don't make this episode about childbirth defects." and He was like "Yeah no prob dude. LOL."
Labor inducing drugs areviLOHMYGOD IT IS THE MIRACLE OF CHILD BIRTH. HOLY SHIT. Why would you show that on TV? What the fuck? What is going on here!? Is Child birth itself evil? Is inducing labor so that mothers don't die during child birth evil? is cutting the umbilical cord the problem? Is this all supposed to mean that we're meant to walk around physically connected to our mothers for the rest of our lives? Or is it meant to show that getting pregnant and then giving birth is evil because mankind is evil and should be destroyed? I mean the latter makes more sense since the author literally hates human beings with a passion that the most violent and cruel monsters of the last century could never hope to rival, but the former would fit in with the whole thing about this having been written by aliens.
I feel pressured to echo Juna here: "Hold me, hold me, hold me." Except right now I am so repulsed by human biology that I would really like for none of you to ever touch me again. Oh wait, no, that's not human biology repulsing me, just the plot. DON'T TOUCH ME.
This shit about babies not crying when born naturally is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. Since it isn't about unborn children being able to psychically feel sex, though, I'll allow it. That's what this show has done to me. Because the imagery isn't absurdly stupid at the moment, I will allow for the inane commentary on shit that is impossible. Shit's Freudian as fuck, though.
Well
of course human beings don't understand what babies are saying. We're not goddamn
Time Lords.
OH
DEAR
SWEET
JESUS
This is going to be the most cringeworthy attempt at persuading someone not to get an abortion, isn't it? I mean, I have opinions on the entire abortion subject, but I have not made these opinions into an anime aimed at teenagers. And I would not have launched them at my sister in a hap-hazard way on a street corner. And my opening line would not be "I CAN HEAR YOUR BABY YOU INTEND TO KILL YOU HEARTLESS, MURDERING WHORE." But I'm not kind the way Chris is, so I dunno.
GASP JUNA PEOPLE HAVE SEX WITH PEOPLE THEY DON'T LOVE. What're ya gonna do? BERATE THE FUCK OUT OF THEM, OF COURSE.
Can we take a minute to analyze the ramifications of Cindy's power here, for just a minute? She can feel everything that happens to her before it happens to her. She can literally, right this minute, feel how it feels to die. She can feel how it feels to have sex (WHY DOES IT FEEL SO GOOD?) to give birth. She can literally feel every single shit she will ever take in her life. RIGHT. NOW. Her whole life is one, prolonged sneeze. I mean she can seriously feel what it feels like every time she sneezes every single time she can sneeze. And again, SHE ALREADY KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO DIE. If I knew what it felt like to die, I think I'd focus on that a WHOLE lot more than the feeling of my mom having sex while I was in her womb. I mean that's some weird, fucked up shit, but FEELING HOW IT FEELS TO DIE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE is some profound, tragic, enormous stuff.
NOPE FEEL THAT GUY'S DICK IN YOUR MOMMA'S HOO HA INSTEAD.
Cuz it feels so good!
Babies can feel for themselves when they want to be born, huh? Well, am I ever sorry for all you moms out there whose babies died from premature deaths. Sounds like little dudes were just too stoked for life, y'know? And some babies are totally like "Hey I definitely want to wrap this umbilical cord around my throat on the way out. YEAH THAT'S IT!" Or you know, babies are babies and can't do anything on their own, let alone decide went to force their way out of the womb.
Why does this episode make babies seem less like newly made human beings and more like tiny aliens willing to claw their way out of the uterine tract when they damn well please? The womb is an ocean and the dick that belongs to this dude your mom is boning is the board. SURF'S UP, LITTLE FETUS.
HOLY SHIT THEN THEY SHOW YOU A BABY BORN IN THE OCEAN. I bet Chris just slid right out, too. Right out of his lovingly animated naked, pregnant mother. And while I get why a woman who is going to pop out a whelp the way seals or whales do needs to be naked, why did Chris' dad need to be nude for this, too? Were they just always naked on their archaeological digs?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Happy Birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Why the fuck is this line even here?! It makes NO sense. It makes more sense in Gun x Sword than it does here. This is such insane bullshit. This is like Evangelion levels of what the fuck am I even watching tonight?
Chris is gentle? He understands what true love is? What part of dumping Juna in a goddamn TOXIC WASTELAND and MOCKING HER while she POISONED HERSELF in desperation was gentle? Is this a metaphor for God allowing difficulty, pain, and agony while claiming to be omniamant? Because if so it's still a fucking bizarre metaphor. Chris is an abusive mindrapist, not some gentle God who had a virgin surfer birth. Oh and I guess he's french because WHY THE FUCK NOT. I mean when I think of abusive doucheholes, my mind immediately turns to France!
Tokio likes big boobs and I'm a virgin and what if it hurts and I get pregnant. USE A FUCKING CONDOM BITCH. Oh, no, wait, contraceptives are probably demonic latex barriers forged in the rubbery flames of mount Glue. Of COURSE Juna wouldn't use a rubber. What am I even thinking?
What am I even SAYING? What in the holy name of everything does this have to do with anything? THIS SHOW.
"Hey remember when I died? I was so going to have sex that night." I do agree that any semblance of being sexy died around the time Juna did.
This episode is so awful it has given me painful diarrhea. Like for reals I am in agony from this episode.
After an episode of the most awful, unsexy talk, what does Juna do? She goes and tries to have sex with Tokio. Except I guess he can't put out. But still, hearing about how your baby is fully aware of a dude's dick inside you is the biggest turn on of all time.
Holy fuck what the hell did I just watch?
