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Football Thread 2014/15 |OT9| - How the Snitch stole all the banter

W

Wilbur

Banned
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...

... wooden please read this story out loud
 
D

Diablo Rosso

Member
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...

Absolutely sensational.
 
X

Xpike

Unconfirmed Member
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...

amazing
 
F

Freewheelin'

Member
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...

Incredible.
 
C

Coldnoodle

Member
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...

Ewd0qpD.jpg
 
S

Slizz

Member
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...

Incredible...


Wheres Yurt? I have things to share
 
S

spidye

Member
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...

this has to be the starting post in the OT of every footy gaf thread.
 
W

Willkiller

Banned
I understand Facism, after 5 days of not shitting at Leeds....man, it's grim.

Remember the transformation scene from American Werewolf in London? It's kinda like that, clawing and banging on the floor, begging for mercy.
 
H

Hixx

Member
I once got a day off school as I was doing a shit just before leaving in the morning that had me in TEARS. I think it came out sideways.

Was done by ten past nine, had the whole day off as well. What a day that was.
 
H

Hixx

Member
Slizz if you really want to shit make a chicken Parmo.

Even just thinking about one is making me want to shit. It's the most powerful laxative in existence.
 
C

Clydefrog

Member
Earlier this week, I had a series of bad poops. I had a long day at work so on the way home I picked up a shitty chicken quesadilla from a local Mexican place. I ate it up real quick but like an hour later I was shitting my brains out. God damnit. I later peed through my butt twice that night before going to bed. I thought “it will be alright in the morning”

I go to work the next morning and, no, it’s not alright. I last like 30 minutes trying to get work done before I head for the bathroom. Diarrhea. I go three more times before lunch (of which I did not eat) and then at least three more times in the afternoon. Bear in the mind that our work bathroom is right next to our secretary. The poor woman kept looking at me as I entered/exited the bathroom. I know she heard the sounds. Every poop was like *fart, fart… FAAAAAAART FAAART.. fart fart fart* *diarrhea-pee* *fart*

I had Immodium at home so once I got off work I was finally able to take some medicine for it, which helped. Fuck that quesadilla, man.
 
B

Bold One

Member
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...


...and thats enough GAF for today, I'm off to bed
 
S

Slizz

Member
Yurt said:
We drop points when I skip our games

As certain as death and Evra not tracking back


OH BABY! Show meee 😍
Click to expand...
saBPF53.jpg


ESt3SqS.jpg
Click to expand...






On a side note, I'm stepping into 'next-gen' and getting an XBONE.

Was real close to getting the PS4 with TLOU and GTAV for 400$ but by the time I pulled the trigger on cyber Monday it was too late.
 
H

Hixx

Member
She should keep her hair short forever

I stopped watching Arrow. That episode with Diggle in Brazil or wherever was so boring. I will just wait until it's on Netflix again.
 
F

Freewheelin'

Member
Hixx said:
She should keep her hair short forever

I stopped watching Arrow. That episode with Diggle in Brazil or wherever was so boring. I will just wait until it's on Netflix again.
Click to expand...

It's always been boring at the start of the season tbf, should wait till the mid-season finale at least to really judge the season so far (which is next week I think). IIRC, both S1 and S2 really stepped up a gear after the break.
 
F

faridmon

Member
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...

DIsney-esque magic of poops

Absolutely amazing!
 
B

Broder Salsa

Banned
Facism that's a fantastic story, and as Farid says it got Disney magic to it. If you wrote down some of your magical pooping experiences, I'm sure it would sell well in the children literature aisle.

Baconsaurus Rex said:
Here's a recording of Hixx having an argument with Kyoufu
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1KUUJzddFfc

Kyoufu has Sony so far up his arse he's talking shit.
Click to expand...

Well that explains why Ky was unusually quiet when I got in.
Iuh8WF0.png
 
I

inky

Member
Slizz said:
Which is crazy to me since I can't remember her at all from the OC....

Bilson and Wilde are the ones that really stuck out when I watched that.
Click to expand...

Yea, she didn't appear much. I guess she stood out for me when they brought back her character with a different actress.

I had a crazy gf back then, so I watched that shit a lot.
 
F

Frustrated_me

Member
Facism said:
hahahhaha nice.

Every festival i go to with mates ends up having our poos synchronized. Always every morning at 6am or something like that.

I did do one supremely epic shit at Reading in 2003, though. They had those trailers that had porcelain shitters. I remember holding in the poop since wednesday morning. Saturday came and i was in the arena, in pain, water broke and everything.

Found my way to the shitter, sat my ass down and started forcing out the poobaby. Fucking intense 20 minutes. I felt constipated, but it was just the majestic length and girth of the rod clawing it's way out of my ass. Every push made me light-headed, i think i may have passed out twice. I remember having to get naked because i was sweating so much pushing this fucking seabeast out my ass. Using my arms and legs to brace up against the stall walls in order for my ring-piece to gain purchase upon this magnificent forearm of a shit. I remember looking between my legs and seeing that it was already in the water before it even left my ass.

When it finally ejected from my seat, i sat back, satisfactorily exhausted from the ordeal. I had a semi on because of all the pushing. Thing was like 15 inches long and 7 inches around. The poop, not the semi.

The best bit was walking past the girl who had to use the toilet after me because LOL was i going to flush that down without someone else experiencing the Disney-esque magic of it
Click to expand...

Ahahahahahaha.. This was too much, had me cracking.
 
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