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[lethial]

Feels bad man.

Any love for relationship GAF? Semi TL;DR version.

In a LTR (~7), it's been really rough lately and I recently found myself 'intrigued' by a mutual (but not all that close) friend. We've met on occasion, but haven't spoken until recently, where I found her personality and quirks to be quite attractive; I feel like she's into me but, my senses have been dulled over the years. Was at a gathering recently and felt there was an inordinate amount of smiling, staring, and feigning reasons to get close. I know it doesn't sound like much to PUA GAF, but keep in mind my SO is 10 or 20 feet away most of the time, so in my mind, it's actually a bit aggressive no? Either way, I dug it. She is cursory aware of our issues, and knows we've been together for a while- am I being toyed with?

So here's where it gets ugly, we have typical LTR problems (fire, routine); 7 years is a long time and we've been through several meat grinders (economy, death, divorce, break ups, make ups, you name it). It was the greatest time I've ever had with someone for 4 or 5 of those years, but it's gone into a tailspin, I care deeply, but I don't think I'm in love. We've had the break up talk again, probably the most serious time (she professes that she doesn't want to and I believe her, we've agreed to take it slowly). My heart and mind are in conflict - I find myself thinking of this other woman constantly, but I don't know why, fear of being alone? Emotional cheating, am I? All I think of is if we call it all off, how can I see this other person without causing a shit storm, I feel like this dude 90% of the time-

What to do GAF? Man up and bury my emotions? Bail out and take a 3 month road trip? 7 years is a looong time, and I'm not sure how or where to start, all my friends are mutual, married or m.i.a.

I broke up with my gf of 5 years because of that. Didn't have it in me to keep it going. Lost attraction, was getting bored, wasn't going to marry her, we fought a lot so one night we just ended it. Haven't spoken with her since and that was 3-4 years ago.

 

[cooljeanius]

OK, so the OP has a good section of first dates, but what about if you're not sure if it's a date or not? Are you allowed to ask whether it is or not? If so, what's the best way to do so?

 

[JumpJeff84]

OK, so the OP has a good section of first dates, but what about if you're not sure if it's a date or not? Are you allowed to ask whether it is or not? If so, what's the best way to do so?

I'd say 'no'. Asking seems kinda corny to me. Just go out, and see what happens. Regardless of what you call it, either the chemistry's there or it isn't.

EDIT:

To clarify, women tend to love confidence. A confident guy wouldn't ask whether or not it was a date.

 

[Barrage]

OK, so the OP has a good section of first dates, but what about if you're not sure if it's a date or not? Are you allowed to ask whether it is or not? If so, what's the best way to do so?

A general rule is that the less you ask the better.

"Let's hit up a little Italian Place I know Wednesday night" is better than "What are you doing next week?"

 

[JennyTablina]

Feels bad man.

Any love for relationship GAF? Semi TL;DR version.

In a LTR (~7), it's been really rough lately and I recently found myself 'intrigued' by a mutual (but not all that close) friend. We've met on occasion, but haven't spoken until recently, where I found her personality and quirks to be quite attractive; I feel like she's into me but, my senses have been dulled over the years. Was at a gathering recently and felt there was an inordinate amount of smiling, staring, and feigning reasons to get close. I know it doesn't sound like much to PUA GAF, but keep in mind my SO is 10 or 20 feet away most of the time, so in my mind, it's actually a bit aggressive no? Either way, I dug it. She is cursory aware of our issues, and knows we've been together for a while- am I being toyed with?

I feel for you, been in an LTR for 4 years, boyfriend is a whole Atlantic ocean away.

It's natural that your occasionally going to be attracted to other people sometimes and I can imagine after 7 years it's REALLY hard to keep the relationship going when apart for so long. Sometimes the natural urge to have that intamacy just kicks in, you haven't done anything wrong, it's good that you respect your relationship enough to hold back though.

Is there any kind of plan for you and your long distance lady to get together and make things happen? 7 Years is a long time to be just dating with no long-term arrangement on the horizon.

So here's where it gets ugly, we have typical LTR problems (fire, routine); 7 years is a long time and we've been through several meat grinders (economy, death, divorce, break ups, make ups, you name it). It was the greatest time I've ever had with someone for 4 or 5 of those years, but it's gone into a tailspin, I care deeply, but I don't think I'm in love. We've had the break up talk again, probably the most serious time (she professes that she doesn't want to and I believe her, we've agreed to take it slowly). My heart and mind are in conflict - I find myself thinking of this other woman constantly, but I don't know why, fear of being alone? Emotional cheating, am I? All I think of is if we call it all off, how can I see this other person without causing a shit storm, I feel like this dude 90% of the time-

With your current girlfriend, are you really happy where you stand with her? Like I said, 7 years is a really long time to be in an LDR with no real progress for getting together. Could you see yourself living with her for the rest of your potential days, is it even possible for you and her to get together at all?

If after 7 years your not feeling the urge to advance things and she isn't, then your kinda both at a stalemate. After that length of time, I think you need to consider if your willing to commit to making things happen with her, or if this thing has run it's course

Of course she will want the relationship to continue, as she's maybe not in the same place as you, but you have to be honest to yourself and to her about your feelings. You can't keep this running just for her sake if your not feeling it anymore, it'll make the breakup all the more messy later on and you'll both come off worse for it

At the end of the day, a relationship takes 2 people. Soon as the relationship becomes something only one of you is really into, it's time to let it go.

(PS: Regardless your decisions with your girlfriend, don't just instantly go for the lass you mentioned. If you do decide to end things, you need time to revel in the single life a bit. Rebounds never end well)

 

[MetalGuardian]

I'm going to a huge party tonight and I'm not coming home without a girl unless Odin himself stops me

Good luck to everyone this weekend. Go out there and make shit happen

 

[JumpJeff84]

I'm going to a huge party tonight and I'm not coming home without a girl unless Odin himself stops me

Good luck to everyone this weekend. Go out there and make shit happen

HYPER-RAPER, ACTIVATE!

 

[Xun]

Just got "winked" on OkCupid. Obviously I should send a message but I'm not entirely sure what...?

I'm new to this kind of shit.

 

[Jamesfrom818]

Just got "winked" on OkCupid, what should be the course of action? Obviously I should send a message but I'm not entirely sure what yet...?

I'm new to this kind of shit.

Ask if she's DTS


Down
To
Smang

When she asks what smang means, tell her and her reaction will tell you if she's worth your time.

 

[rkn]

Seems like you are just in a rut. It happens. The same old meatloaf everyday can get boring, especially when there is a new lasagna dish flirting with you. But you need to stick it out as it seems that boredom is the only issue in your relationship. Maybe take a road trip with your girl/wife and do something fun. Something different. The fact is that you have a foundation with that meatloaf and the lasagna might end up giving you heartburn or the runs.
Unless you are truly unhappy, you shouldn't leave for another woman. Seems to me that you are just bored, not unhappy.

You sound exactly like one of my friends, without the food. And that lasagna is tempting as hell.

I broke up with my gf of 5 years because of that. Didn't have it in me to keep it going. Lost attraction, was getting bored, wasn't going to marry her, we fought a lot so one night we just ended it. Haven't spoken with her since and that was 3-4 years ago.

Sounds eerily familiar, Was a clean break for you. How young were you when you called it off? Did you both agree, one or the other?

Must seem like ages ago how did you get back on your feet with dating. Thread is a good start I guess, not into the PUA scene though - I'm amazed at how much confidence I've lost.

It's natural that your occasionally going to be attracted to other people sometimes and I can imagine after 7 years it's REALLY hard to keep the relationship going when apart for so long. Sometimes the natural urge to have that intamacy just kicks in, you haven't done anything wrong, it's good that you respect your relationship enough to hold back though.

Bit of a mis-understanding, but its a long-term relationship, not a long-distance one. But I can't deny anything you wrote.

 

[fuzzyreactor]

I really dont know what to do anymore. So ive been in several relationships in my life and thats what makes this one so odd. Most of my relationships lasted at least a year or more but this girl i was only seeing for a few months. In those months i fell in love with her. Basically madly in love with her. It ended because i couldn't accept she was moving away and freaked out on her, said terrible things. She left in april and that was the last time ive talked to her. For a couple months i would try to text her and ask how her life was going and she met someone else but that really didnt bother me. what bothered me is she wouldnt ever reply. Eventually i gave up and figured if i didnt talk to her id get over her. I met someone else and have been dating them for about 5 months and its starting to get very serious. I love my GF, she is a great person, but i just dont get those same feelings(impossible for me to describe). Everyday i gotta force myself to not call her or try to contact her. Should i just try again? Not even sure she is still with that guy. Is there anyway to make it go away. im tired of feeling this way.

 

[MetalGuardian]

Been pregaming for five hours straight, just getting ready to head out. I can't fucking lose tonight. Report back with the damages on the morrow.

LADY HUNT COMMENCE

 

[Lard]

Fuck this city, I'd have more action if I became a priest.

 

[scoot3r]

Fuzzy just time my man, one day at a time and whatever the fuck you do DONT CALL HER!

 

[HighAmperage]

Should i just try again? Not even sure she is still with that guy. Is there anyway to make it go away. im tired of feeling this way.

There's nothing magical that will make it go away. You'll likely get a lot of replies saying there are billions of great girls in the world and forget about her--and I would never deny that that's surely the best, most rational advice. And I would say hell no, don't get in touch with her. How far away did she move? I think LDR's are enough of an ill-advised concept as it is, but one that is the afterbirth of a breakup llike yours is almost certain doom. As much as I hate to say it, "move on" is probably the only option that will preserve your sanity. It sounds like she has, as painful as that may be to accept.

I do think there's some bravado here on this subject and a perception that if you fall for someone you're a weak-willed douchebag. A lot of this is colored by the PUA mindset, which I do think has a great deal of merit in some areas. But we all know "move on, get over it, go fuck ten other women in the VIP section" is not always so easy, and sometimes no matter how much you socialize and try to mold yourself into Mr Confident Alpha Turbo Man, it can be really difficult to meet someone who lives up to someone you really connected with. Especially once you get into your late 30's-early 40's. And again, I'm not saying the tough love in this thread is in any way wrong, it's fucking right on, for the most part. I mean if a guy's falling head over heels full-on white-knight sonnet-writing in love with the Starbucks girl who kinda half-smiled at him once, he deserves every ballbusting reply and then some.

But there's nothing wrong with being emotional about a breakup or a complicated relationship, and everyone has their own timetable for getting over it. Just don't allow yourself to wallow for too long. You will wallow. But it's probably not too healthy to do it here. It's something you have to pull yourself out of, ultimately, because no one can truly put themselves in the shoes of your specific relationship. And especially if she's with someone else and no longer in reasonable proximity, the only option is to let her go. Don't beg her, as gruelingly hard as that can be, you have to be above that. If she wanted to contact you, she would-at least she's not stringing you along. Give her credit for that and don't browbeat her.

I guess all I can say is good luck, and go into love-yourself-fuck-everyone-else mode for a while and hope that you can eventually find someone who stirs the same passion in you.

 

[TurboLibre]

Alright, so I think I have a pretty good idea. I'm awful at putting myself out there. I also have a nasty habit of getting in my own way and sabotaging any chance I get. I do work well with challenges though, I'm constantly writing goals and knocking them out every month. It's a great way to push me to do things I normally would put off or just plain forget to do. My idea is to set up a series of challenges to help force me to put myself out there. Goals that will turn my weaknesses into strengths and make me more comfortable with this type of stuff.

I'm going to start out with something basic and work my way up.

"Make eye contact, smile, and say hello." to ten different women.

Very simple stuff but the introduction/greeting is something I've never been good at. It's effective though. Just yesterday I did this to a cute girl who was in line with me and she initiated a conversation. I know that doesn't sound like much to a lot of you, but that shit just doesn't happen to me. I am guilty of wearing my headphones in public and I'm generally pretty distant, so it is my fault for blocking people out. Anyway, this is step 1 and should be a breeze. I should have it done (or at least most of it) by the end of tomorrow.

 

[cooljeanius]

I'd say 'no'. Asking seems kinda corny to me. Just go out, and see what happens. Regardless of what you call it, either the chemistry's there or it isn't.

EDIT:

To clarify, women tend to love confidence. A confident guy wouldn't ask whether or not it was a date.

A general rule is that the less you ask the better.

"Let's hit up a little Italian Place I know Wednesday night" is better than "What are you doing next week?"

OK, so I took your guys' advice and didn't bring it up while we were out tonight, and it's still ambiguous as fuck...

 

[MetalGuardian]

I'm going to a huge party tonight and I'm not coming home without a girl unless Odin himself stops me

Good luck to everyone this weekend. Go out there and make shit happen

FUCK YOU ODIN

Spoiler

Got a number at least

 

[soultron]

Alright, so I think I have a pretty good idea. I'm awful at putting myself out there. I also have a nasty habit of getting in my own way and sabotaging any chance I get. I do work well with challenges though, I'm constantly writing goals and knocking them out every month. It's a great way to push me to do things I normally would put off or just plain forget to do. My idea is to set up a series of challenges to help force me to put myself out there. Goals that will turn my weaknesses into strengths and make me more comfortable with this type of stuff.

I'm going to start out with something basic and work my way up.

"Make eye contact, smile, and say hello." to ten different women.

Very simple stuff but the introduction/greeting is something I've never been good at. It's effective though. Just yesterday I did this to a cute girl who was in line with me and she initiated a conversation. I know that doesn't sound like much to a lot of you, but that shit just doesn't happen to me. I am guilty of wearing my headphones in public and I'm generally pretty distant, so it is my fault for blocking people out.

Good way of thinking. I've started to play the eye contact "game" with girls on campus and it's been pretty rewarding so far. The rules are simple:

See a girl you find to be attractive as you're walking around? Look into one of her eyes.
Yep, keep looking.
Keeeeeep on looking.
You're not being creepy, so just keep on looking. (Don't do this at night in a dark alley. Then it's creepy. Haha.)
Keep on looking.
She looked! She's still looking! Holy crap this is kind of scary! Starting to feel good now!
She smiled as she got close!
SCORE +1

Some girls will even say hello. The polite thing to do is to say "hi" back, obviously. If you want to start talking after that, you totally can. Otherwise, just keep on walking like the badass you are.

I read this online, and I tested it the other day. It's fun and exciting all at the same time. As long as you look presentable and are "smiling with your eyes" (but not necessarily your mouth) I find most girls are really receptive to strong prolonged eye contact.

Some girls won't look, or will look for a second and break eye contact. Oh well!

Not once have I had a girl react negatively or tell me I'm a creep for doing it. I think it shows confidence. In public, people have such a hard time holding eye contact with people they don't know. It's not a scary thing, but most people just feel uncomfortable doing it.

Great game to play. Makes walking around exciting. Protip: don't wear headphones while doing this. They won't say hi because you won't be able to hear them.

 

[RoboPlato]

Here's a really dumb, "is she into me?" question but I'm just going to ask here since my friends that were at the party were either totally hammered or extremely socially retarded. I also have a hard time distinguishing from being really friendly to actually hitting on me. I've known this girl for about a year and a half, she's friends with some of my friends. Ran into her at a party last night and we talked for a long time. I don't think we've seen each other in May so we did a lot of general catching up and stuff. After a while though she kept making a point of leaning into me while we were talking and made a point of not taking food from the host of the party and asking me if we could share (I, of course, shared). I didn't read too much into that, I thought she was just being nice until she left with one of her friends for a while because they had to "talk about something". When she came back the first thing she said was, "So this is going to sound like a weird question but are you still dating that girl?" I told her I've been single since the summer and after that she seemed to sit a lot closer to me than before. People started taking pictures. We take a couple and then out of nowhere she kisses me on the cheek for one of them. Unfortunately I had to leave without saying bye to her since my roommate was getting really annoying, wanted to leave, and I was his ride. This girl is really cool and really, really hot so I'm probably just getting my hopes up. What do you think, GAF?

 

[Magik]

Here's a really dumb, "is she into me?" question but I'm just going to ask here since my friends that were at the party were either totally hammered or extremely socially retarded. I also have a hard time distinguishing from being really friendly to actually hitting on me. I've known this girl for about a year and a half, she's friends with some of my friends. Ran into her at a party last night and we talked for a long time. I don't think we've seen each other in May so we did a lot of general catching up and stuff. After a while though she kept making a point of leaning into me while we were talking and made a point of not taking food from the host of the party and asking me if we could share (I, of course, shared). I didn't read too much into that, I thought she was just being nice until she left with one of her friends for a while because they had to "talk about something". When she came back the first thing she said was, "So this is going to sound like a weird question but are you still dating that girl?" I told her I've been single since the summer and after that she seemed to sit a lot closer to me than before. People started taking pictures. We take a couple and then out of nowhere she kisses me on the cheek for one of them. Unfortunately I had to leave without saying bye to her since my roommate was getting really annoying, wanted to leave, and I was his ride. This girl is really cool and really, really hot so I'm probably just getting my hopes up. What do you think, GAF?

... Just ask her out.

 

[Relix]

Your friend just cockblocked you in a sense. Real friends never do that =(. Call her up!

 

[RoboPlato]

Your friend just cockblocked you in a sense. Real friends never do that =(. Call her up!

In his defense he wasn't paying attention to me most of the time and was pretty drunk. I unfortunately had to leave before getting her number. I guess I'll have to resort to Facebook, despite hating dealing with stuff like this over it.

 

[JB1981]

Things with my ex have really taken a turn for the worse. Her true colors are now on full display. She is off the charts crazy. We broke up 6 months ago but have hadn't had a clean break. We kept in touch here and there (had sex once), had a few meet and greets and that is it. We occasionally talk at work but in the last few weeks things have gotten insane. I was out last Saturday with my friends and she calls me at midnight asking me where I am. I tell her I am out with friends and she starts SCREAMING into the phone, "you fucking whore .. lying whore .. i fucking hate you! you have friends now ... you said you didn't have many friends .. I fucking hate you .. i loved you .. i am going TO FUCK EVERYONE I SEE now you whore"

She calls me again last night "listen you lying whore i don't want to hear from you anymore" .. I told her I didn't call you, you called me .. she says I don't care you fucking whore ... I hang up on her, she tries to call me back , I decline her call and the next call and the next. Then she starts sending me texts about how she is still fucking her ex boyfriend (the father of their child) and is fucking someone from work. Then she tells me how sex between us sucked and that she never wanted to fuck me and that her friend and her ex are so much better. She then told me that I should go suck my mom's dirty cunt and that she is going to try and get me fired at work. Yo, GAF, I done fucked up with this girl.

I blocked her number last night and I blocked her from facebook. This has turned into some Fatal Attraction type shit.

 

[soultron]

You didn't fuck up. She's just a complete bitch, is upset that she lost you (because you're awesome), or both.

Save the evidence. Talk to HR, maybe? Show them the texts?

I don't know what to say. Her trying to get you fired from work is some serious shit. Where do you work? Might be in your best interest to find a new job anyway, if it's easy to do so. Working with exes is never fun.

 

[Arnie]

She's going to murder you, leave town.

 

[BronzeWolf]

wow, classy, JB! What a shitty person

I picked up a girl on a shitty club last night. The bar was shitting but the girl was not. It was fun because some buddy of a buddy was there and he was trying to pick up EVERY SINGLE LADY in the bar. This girl I hooked up with was with a friend and this acquaintance hit on the girl AND her friend. I used this opportunity to totally cockblock the bastard out and boy did it feel weird.

Who the fuck tries to pick up the girl your drinking buddy is dancing with? What kind of morals are those?

You didn't fuck up. She's just a complete bitch, is upset that she lost you (because you're awesome), or both.

Save the evidence. Talk to HR, maybe? Show them the texts?

I don't know what to say. Her trying to get you fired from work is some serious shit. Where do you work? Might be in your best interest to find a new job anyway, if it's easy to do so. Working with exes is never fun.

Some preemptive measures could help him. I would go to HR and talk about how they both break up and that isn't an issue for his job performance, and that they should take that into account if any bad blood would start to happen.

 

[Ether_Snake]

Wow what a crazy woman!

 

[JB1981]

You didn't fuck up. She's just a complete bitch, is upset that she lost you (because you're awesome), or both.

Save the evidence. Talk to HR, maybe? Show them the texts?

I don't know what to say. Her trying to get you fired from work is some serious shit. Where do you work? Might be in your best interest to find a new job anyway, if it's easy to do so. Working with exes is never fun.

This is the problem, we have an IM system at work and when her and I were still dating we used to get into argument over IM while at work (extremely immature and a huge mistake on my part). So we have evidence against each other. She told me thru text that she is going to go to HR with the IMs we had back and forth, but I told that if she does that then I will do the same and she will lose her job as well. I think this will keep her in check but you never know with this girl. When she is hurt all rationality goes out the window. I definitely need to find a new job, I have a training class for 6 weeks with this girl come March 1st. OMG!!!!!

 

[Jamesfrom818]

Things with my ex have really taken a turn for the worse. Her true colors are now on full display. She is off the charts crazy. We broke up 6 months ago but have hadn't had a clean break. We kept in touch here and there (had sex once), had a few meet and greets and that is it. We occasionally talk at work but in the last few weeks things have gotten insane. I was out last Saturday with my friends and she calls me at midnight asking me where I am. I tell her I am out with friends and she starts SCREAMING into the phone, "you fucking whore .. lying whore .. i fucking hate you! you have friends now ... you said you didn't have many friends .. I fucking hate you .. i loved you .. i am going TO FUCK EVERYONE I SEE now you whore"

She calls me again last night "listen you lying whore i don't want to hear from you anymore" .. I told her I didn't call you, you called me .. she says I don't care you fucking whore ... I hang up on her, she tries to call me back , I decline her call and the next call and the next. Then she starts sending me texts about how she is still fucking her ex boyfriend (the father of their child) and is fucking someone from work. Then she tells me how sex between us sucked and that she never wanted to fuck me and that her friend and her ex are so much better. She then told me that I should go suck my mom's dirty cunt and that she is going to try and get me fired at work. Yo, GAF, I done fucked up with this girl.

I blocked her number last night and I blocked her from facebook. This has turned into some Fatal Attraction type shit.

Whats her number?

 

[Barrage]

OK, so I took your guys' advice and didn't bring it up while we were out tonight, and it's still ambiguous as fuck...

So, wait...you didn't make a move? And you're wondering why it's ambiguous?

 

[Calion]

Insane Ex

...So....why are you talking with your ex again?

 

[BronzeWolf]

OK, so I took your guys' advice and didn't bring it up while we were out tonight, and it's still ambiguous as fuck...

We said "don't talk about it" we didn't say "don't make a move" big difference

 

[gobassgo]

How soon into an ok Cupid conversation should I ask the girl out?

 

[BronzeWolf]

Rule of thumb for internet IM'ing is 3rd to 5th

 

[subversus]

How soon into an ok Cupid conversation should I ask the girl out?

When you feel like you should do it. It's not some fucking math.

 

[chicko1983]

man, my confidence of the last year or so is fading quickly. I haven't been out on a date this year.

3 of the last 4 girls I have asked out have said no and the one that said yes, the most recent one, told me shortly after I asked her out that she has recently started seeing someone but would still come for a drink with me. I thought it sounded like she was being polite rather than really wanting to so I told her we shouldn't go out for a drink as the other guy would probably mind, so if there was a small chance of something between us then I wussed out and that chance has pretty much gone.

Also the last time I was at a lady's house, probably 3 weeks ago, she made me sleep on the couch as she only decided after I kissed her that she wasn't over her ex-boyfriend!

Was also at a wedding last night and could only manage about 3 words to the lady I had my eye on (she sat across from me at my table and pretty much only talked to her friend who sat right next to her). Then she danced all night and I cant dance if I am sober. I hate meeting women when I am stone cold sober...

So, at the moment I have exhausted all my known opportunities (ladies I know already and were keen on) and out my 20 closest male mates, there are probably only about 3 of us who are still single so I am running out of people to head out with to meet women.

I have noticed however that my luck with women has changed dramatically since I started changing my focus from just wanting some late night fun to looking for a relationship. I am starting to think that a lot of women see me as not relationship material and only interesting when I am drunk, which is denting my confidence more than anything.

 

[Raguel]

man, my confidence of the last year or so is fading quickly. I haven't been out on a date this year.

3 of the last 4 girls I have asked out have said no and the one that said yes, the most recent one, told me shortly after I asked her out that she has recently started seeing someone but would still come for a drink with me. I thought it sounded like she was being polite rather than really wanting to so I told her we shouldn't go out for a drink as the other guy would probably mind, so if there was a small chance of something between us then I wussed out and that chance has pretty much gone.

Also the last time I was at a lady's house, probably 3 weeks ago, she made me sleep on the couch as she only decided after I kissed her that she wasn't over her ex-boyfriend!

Was also at a wedding last night and could only manage about 3 words to the lady I had my eye on (she sat across from me at my table and pretty much only talked to her friend who sat right next to her). Then she danced all night and I cant dance if I am sober. I hate meeting women when I am stone cold sober...

So, at the moment I have exhausted all my known opportunities (ladies I know already and were keen on) and out my 20 closest male mates, there are probably only about 3 of us who are still single so I am running out of people to head out with to meet women.

I have noticed however that my luck with women has changed dramatically since I started changing my focus from just wanting some late night fun to looking for a relationship. I am starting to think that a lot of women see me as not relationship material and only interesting when I am drunk, which is denting my confidence more than anything.

Thats the problem. You need to go out and have fun, not look for a relationship. When girls go out, they're not looking for a long term affair. They don't leave the house and say to themselves "Boy, i am going to find my future boyfriend tonight." They go out to have a good time. And when they see you having fun, they'll join. They don't want a relationship right off the bat. It takes time. You have to be confident in yourself. You can't be desperate. Women can sense that. Just relax and enjoy yourself. The women will come when they see that.

My problem right now is that I've completely fallen for a girl and she's falling for me. But she is in a relationship. I've told myself to move on but damn, I'm smitten by her. And I hate it. I hate being so vulnerable. Being so weak when ever she smiles at me. And i know she is falling for me from all the....stuff we send each other. Gah...

 

[Joel Was Right]

Every time I watch a show where there are is a triangle, or a couple and one another, it unnerves me on so many levels; the concept that someone who one day thinks the world of you can the next day tell you they no longer feel that through no fault of your own. In my first relationship, she cheated and remained with that guy. Throughout that relationship (between the two), she would confide in me and compare us, always putting me on a pedestal with compliments and how I was better at this, or that. It was never an attempt, however, to try and 'win me back'. It was her consciously streaming her thoughts. Soon, she would leave him, in an ironic twist.

My other girlfriend as of recent left me, again in emphasising through no fault of my own, and within weeks is 'talking' to other guys and soon after that having a relationship she insists was based on love. Again, she would confide in me and compare. And curiously she would flirt and propose sex. "He wouldn't need to know about it". At that point, the idea was largely unsettling for the simple reason that she was so willing to behave in such sharp contrast to her recent declaration of love towards him, and how I should "move on". And again, it wasn't an attempt by her to try and reconcile things between us. She just wanted "what we shared", the ability to converse, whilst having her bite of the cake in regards to dating someone new. She wanted it all. You won't be surprised to hear they did not last long, and that it was she who broke up with him. From what I know he took it pretty bad.

In both cases the girls claimed that they were lacking emotional intimacy; they weren't "feeling" it anymore and insisted it had nothing to do with me. So they sought, or were attracted to, interest from other guys. That attention filled a void for them I'm guessing. And during that phase, they genuinely felt happy - or happier - and content, convinced it was what they were needing all along. It would fall apart rapidly after that, again sparked by a sudden unprovoked shift in their thoughts.

It would be naive and arrogant for me to generalise young women, or teenage girls, in the same light but I do have a strong bias (understandably) that many, many of them are either emotionally unstable or susceptible to the above. Each time, I felt safe with those girls in terms of my future, and they alike. They left for someone else and again left that poor guy with the same ticket. Too many girls out there nowadays who thrive and can only be happy "in the moment", the moment of that high of being courted and having "found love". As soon as that feeling dies, they need to feel that void again, each time identifying it as love. It's utter nonsense.

Edit:Raguel's post illustrates my point

 

[soultron]

Meus, don't hang with girls who have cheated on you or have left you for someone else.

It's a doormat move. "But we're genuinely friends with an emotional connection~~~!!" No, you're not.

There are too many girls out there to waste your time with ones who don't respect you as a man. They're sugar coating the reasons they left you when they say you're better. They would still be with you if you were "better." They're feeding you bullshit so you can be of some benefit to them. (Probably an emotional dumping ground in the case of the one who would complain to you about her problems with the guy she cheated on you with.)

All of the above might sound bitter, but I don't really think so. In my opinion, life is too short to waste on people you have no future with, or those who have disrespected you in the past. I, personally, respect myself too much to deal with that kind of shit.

You're right about younger girls not knowing what they want, if you ask me. That's why you have to be strong and move on the second cheating occurs, if at all. There are some wonderful girls out there who are younger/early-to-mid 20s, but they're few and far in between. So just have fun for now! Don't expect anything serious. Just let things happen.

 

[Xun]

Just got "winked" on OkCupid. Obviously I should send a message but I'm not entirely sure what...?

I'm new to this kind of shit.

Anyone?

I'm still unsure what to write to people on sites like this, asking how they are/comment on something in their profile?

 

[GiJoccin]

Anyone?

I'm still unsure what to write to people on sites like this, asking how they are/comment on something in their profile?

basically yes, comment on what they have on their profile, there's not much else to ask them. I usually like to ask what they did this weekend also, something not on their profile

 

[chicko1983]

Anyone?

I'm still unsure what to write to people on sites like this, asking how they are/comment on something in their profile?

Yeah, you can comment on something on their profile but when I used online dating sites (haven't for about a year now) and saw someone checked my profile out as well as if I liked the look of their profile I would say something like:

Hi,
I see you're into [insert one of her interests]. I like [insert interest] too so if you want to chat sometime, I'll be online [insert time when you will be next online].
Xun

Also request friends with them so you can then see if they are online the next time you go online (if she is keen then I can guarantee she will have accepted your friend request and be online when you said you would).

 

[-PXG-]

So I took a few weeks off from the ladies to regroup and focus. It was a much needed period of time to take care of other shit and do some self reflection. I already felt good about myself and what I wanted, but now I feel even better.

Anyway, I went on a date tonight and it couldn't have been better. If for whatever reason, shit goes South, unlike in the past, I really won't care all that much. She was really sweet and had a great time. Best date I've had in ages. Oh, and she was a great kisser. We have plans to go on a second date on Friday.

I have another date planned with another girl for Wednesday. Both these girls are really into me, and I have a feeling I'm going to have to choose between them at some point. I feel bad because they're both really nice and they both like me to some extent. I'd hate to break one of their hearts. Crap...

Hope all is well with ya'll. I'll be around more often to help out and give advice once again

 

[vitaminwateryum]

So I took a few weeks off from the ladies to regroup and focus. It was a much needed period of time to take care of other shit and do some self reflection. I already felt good about myself and what I wanted, but now I feel even better.

Anyway, I went on a date tonight and it couldn't have been better. If for whatever reason, shit goes South, unlike in the past, I really won't care all that much. She was really sweet and had a great time. Best date I've had in ages. Oh, and she was a great kisser. We have plans to go on a second date on Friday.

I have another date planned with another girl for Wednesday. Both these girls are really into me, and I have a feeling I'm going to have to choose between them at some point. I feel bad because they're both really nice and they both like me to some extent. I'd hate to break one of their hearts. Crap...

Hope all is well with ya'll. I'll be around more often to help out and give advice once again

Date went super well tonight as well. Went to the zoo with her and grabbed some food later on. Managed to keep her laughing the majority of the time. Dropped her off and ended it with a kiss. Gonna talk to her tomorrow and see if she wants to do something next Friday.

 

[VOOK]

First meeting with new female friend and got stood up.

Shit.

 

[BronzeWolf]

First meeting with new female friend and got stood up.

Shit.

whaat? details?

 

[cooljeanius]

We said "don't talk about it" we didn't say "don't make a move" big difference

OK, I'm kind of confused about this... could you illustrate the difference for me?

 

[BronzeWolf]

OK, I'm kind of confused about this... could you illustrate the difference for me?

You wanted to know if asking "is this a date?" was good strategy. We told you it wasn't because it's just an awkward question. But in order to get a girl you don't need to have a DATE tm. Yo get a girl you need to do this in order:

1. Create rapport (be amicable)
2. Create attraction (be assertive through kino {touching her} )
3. Isolate (get her alone)
4. Seal the deal (kiss)

nowhere in that laundry list is actually saying the words "is this a date?", "do you want to be my girlfriend?", "I like you, do you like me?", etc. Those things do not need to be said for they are implied

This is a date as long as you are 1on1 with a girl you like and you are making moves
She is laughing with you, she obviously finds you fun to be with
She is touching you back, she obviously doesn't mind your touch
She is ready to be kissed, you don't need to ask

Basically, don't care if it's a date or not, since you can make it one so

 

[SRG01]

First meeting with new female friend and got stood up.

Shit.

Ask her what happened. If it's a fair answer, reschedule.

If it happens again, fuck her and cut her off. No one should stand another person up, friend or otherwise.