Support NeoGAF

[Deft Beck]

I'm gay, but I don't like to make a big deal about it. I dress like a regular guy, don't attend any Pride related stuff anymore, and mostly keep to myself. Even in my writing I don't tend to focus on LGBT conflicts because I don't think it's an interesting central topic.

Yet I get morbidly embarrassed every June because I think Pride Month is excessive and garish. Yes, rainbow capitalism exacerbates this. I don't truly think corporations care about LGBT rights. It's just another way to make money off of people who don't look between the lines.

Even afterwards I feel like LGBT people nowadays don't want to be normal. They want the rest of the world to change for their benefit and for allies to do what they say at risk of cancellation. It goes beyond asking for equal rights to regular people. That's not what I want out of pride.

I want a world for LGBT people where we don't police each other. It's like we traded the box of heteronormativity for queernormativity. I want a world where people can be themselves but not make a big deal about it, whether it is in normal or queer spaces.

I thought the entire point of pride from the beginning was about courage and showing the world who you are. But the beginning was about showing regular people that they wanted respect and rights. It morphed into a spectacle and an excuse to be gross. It became less about integration and more about exclusion. I think this only sows more division.

I don't consider myself more feminine just because I'm gay, but I feel embarrassed when all I see of gay people in media is ultra feminine, swishy gays. It's just as bad when they have no personality so they don't offend anyone.

For the record, I tried coming out to my parents a decade ago and it didn't go over well. We don't talk about it. But I'm out to everyone else that matters. I don't feel it's necessary to use it as the fulcrum of my entire being, though. I'm a better person than that.

Just because I'm gay doesn't mean that I am going to instantly change the way I dress or conduct myself just to fit in to a subculture I feel alienated from.

Is that so wrong?

 

[nush]

Is that so wrong?

Not at all, you're absolutely right about your observations. I don't have to "Act Chad" because I'm straight, in fact those people that criticize straight men for being men are hypocrites it they are broadcasting "Look how LBQTWWFBBQ I am!".

 

[ymoc]

I think society would benefit greatly if people would just mind their own business when it came to personal things in general. Your take feels extremely level-headed and mature. None if that "peacock" mentality that seems to be prevailent in today's society.

 

[Meicyn]

Getting embarrassed over what folks do during pride is weird to me. It’s the equivalent of straight women getting upset over Cardi B’s WAP. It’s harmless. Let folks live their lives.

You’re you. Don’t worry about it.

 

[Amory]

Frankly I wish we all knew less about each other in general.

 

[Tschumi]

I find people being defensive and angry about being heterosexual unpleasant and garish, too. There will always be groups in any alignment that take it in directions others might be uncomfortable with. You don't have to engage with this subset of the community, simple as that. Getting bothered by it is an entirely personal decision.

 

[p_xavier]

I don't do the LGBTBBQ myself even if I fuck guys and people call me the redneck.

I find queer people to be embarrassing to society. It's not because you're a fat man and you have long pink hair that you became a woman. The Gay Village changed its name to the Village to be more inclusive. Now bars are empty because people went there to connect with men and there was too many TBBQ people, which didn't drink in the first place. The fuck I have in common with a lesbian?

 

[Kev Kev]

Man it’s really refreshing to hear someone who is gay say all that.

I was just saying in another post, in the Cowboy Bebop Netflix thread, about how corps and companies are sometimes just straight pandering to gay/trans/whatever people and it’s completely fake. They are using it for their own gain, to look woke and score inclusivity points with LGBT people, and it’s not organic at all. It feels forced, like big business is using it as a marketing tool rather than just naturally including a character who happens to be gay or trans, but like… that isn’t like their whole identity as a human being! You know? There are other qualities about their life and personality than them just being gay or trans. It just seems borderline offensive that LGBT people accept such fakery, like shouldn’t we at least be annoyed about how insincere some of these corps are when pride months comes around? But you never hear LGBT talk about it, or at least the conversation hasn’t made its way into mainstream conversations yet.

Maybe what I’m talking about is a little different than what you’re saying, but I feel it’s in the same vein. People should be able to just be who they are, naturally, without feeling the need to shout it out to the whole world and wear like they are holding a sign over their head with an arrow pointing at them saying “hey look I’m LGBT!”. That seems so fake and unnatural to me. Just relax and be who you are, you don’t need to have a new letter for each person and a new color and a new month to celebrate them and have one for each of those colors or letters in every single piece of media. It needs to just get to the point where it’s natural and we don’t even make a big deal out of it anymore, because right now it just feels completely manufactured and fake, like big corp’s are just using LGBT people for their own gain, and I find that to be gross.

 

[Sakura]

I think most gay people are like you OP.
My best friend is gay, and he doesn't do any of that stuff either.
He's just one of the guys like the rest of us.
There are a lot of people out there that just want attention.

 

[Dr. Suchong]

I totally agree with your thoughts on pride.
What started out as something everybody with an ounce of humanity could get behind, has (for some of the community) morphed into a lewd spectacle.

 

[FunkMiller]

Most of my gay friends are much like you OP. They’re normal human beings who just happen to homosexual, but don’t feel the need to be demonstrative about it.

Coincidentally they tend to be the ones in the strongest and most committed relationships.

 

[Coolwhhip]

The extremes are always a super small minority, less than 1%. But the internet amplifies them.

 

[Polygonal_Sprite]

I'm a bi guy (probably labelled 'pan' nowadays since I do like the occasional trans female) and feel the same as the OP. I feel like most gay guys on tv, online, in pop culture or at pride events are caricature like people then straight people think that's how gay/bi guys act and are blown away a guy that likes football, mma, rock music and games is gay.

The main issue is a lot of younger people treat their sexuality as their entire personality.

 

[Hulk_Smash]

I wish everyone thought like you.

Now can we apply it to just about every National _________ Day/Month?

 

[bitbydeath]

Too many labels, we just need to keep things simple and let people be whatever makes them happy.

That should be the only message IMO.
Be what makes you happy. /End

 

[Peggies]

Very well spoken, OP! This and Daniel Craig speaking out for a male Bond were two things this week, that gives me hope for the future.
I'd love to live in world without identity politics. Being gay, hetero, male, female, black or white is nothing to be proud or ashamed of.

 

[AJUMP23]

All groups of people have other people on the same group that hold other people to a standard they themselves don't keep.

 

[jason10mm]

So is that flamboyant dress and lispy speech pattern just an affectation? I've certainly known guys who "seem a little bit gay" with how they act but are straight and most of the gay guys I know (and probably all of the gay guys I know but don't know they are gay) are quite "straight passing" other than maybe spending a little too much attention to their haircuts and how well their clothing fits. But no bejewelled sequined jeans, loud pastel shirts, tie dye hair, and excessive handwaving theatrics. Maybe they are just suppressing these things due to a professional working environment? Or is all of that stuff really just a costume?

This seems different for lesbians. They almost ALL fit that certain look. I've known a few "straight passing" lesbians (most of whom were with men before, often have kids) and even some attractive "lipstick lesbians" of the sort the media likes to play up, but really, its mostly a certain phenotypic appearance and style of dress that I won't name because I'm not sure how derogatory the term b$%&h d@$e is these days.

Then there are the 'not quite committed to emo goth" millennial hipster types. These seem to be most of the gender fluid types who just seem kinda lost in the world. Are there even real goths around anymore? The black lipstick, dog collar, all black ripped jeans type? Those girls were ALWAYS the best

 

[strange headache]

Fondling each other's orifices isn't an accomplishment and neither is fellating other people's genitals something to admire.
What you do under your sheets is nobody's business, doesn't matter if you're straight or queer.

LGBTQ isn't a homogenic group. Much like atheists whose sole common denominator is the absence of a belief in god, the only thing that queer people got in common is that they are not straight.

It’s the equivalent of straight women getting upset over Cardi B’s WAP. It’s harmless.

Besides being f*cking disgusting and lowest common denominator entertainment, it is also hugely detrimental to every young girl who confuses emancipation with this sorry excuse to sell sex to the masses.

 

[BigBooper]

I can tolerate people who act normal just fine. Even back before the modern era there was the gay lisp though.

 

[RJMacready73]

you just sound like a normal dude who likes dudes to me, pretty much sums up all the gays guys i know

 

[synchronicity]

Imho, you sound like a well-adjusted human being op. Just be yourself. Authenticity > tribalism.

 

[NinjaBoiX]

100% with you OP, I’ve nothing but respect when I’m late to finding out someone is gay because they don’t mince about in a cloud of glitter being all flamboyant and dramatic.

OK, you’re gay, we get it.

Chill the fuck out!

 

[zeorhymer]

No. Nothing wrong with it. It's more liberating since there's no sexual tension when hanging out with the guys.

 

[AlteredForms]

I'm gay, but I don't like to make a big deal about it. I dress like a regular guy, don't attend any Pride related stuff anymore, and mostly keep to myself.

OP must be Kevin Ball from Shameless.

 

[belmarduk]

You should be yourself.
That's SUPPOSED to be what the LGBT rights movement is all about.

 

[p_xavier]

You should be yourself.
That's SUPPOSED to be what the LGBT rights movement is all about.

LGB rights, the beginning of the movement was for the first letters to be accepted as normal human beings and being viewed as normal. The T and latter the BBQs (because they're flamming queens) were always the intolerent ones and are falsely retconned by woke media as starting the Stonewall riots, not the white gay men who were tired of being harrassed and arrested by cops.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Yet I get morbidly embarrassed every June because I think Pride Month is excessive and garish. Yes, rainbow capitalism exacerbates this. I don't truly think corporations care about LGBT rights. It's just another way to make money off of people who don't look between the lines.

That's the money way man.

Check LinkedIn leading up to Pride month and I'd say 1/4 to 1/3 of companies change their logo to rainbow. Then when July comes around, it's back to normal. The vast majority of companies do ZERO for Pride politics. They dont donate money, they dont support the organizations in any way. Even most bakeries wont even make a few batches of rainbow cupcakes.

At my company, we get company memos about Pride month etc, but nobody really gives a shit. It always comes from the marketing people too. But the second it's over, nobody gives a shit until next year.

Its treated more like "Yee-ha. I just checked off another goody-two-shoes box off my list till next year!"

But the reason why companies do this is for positive PR and it must be working somehow to make it worth doing.

And the funny thing is, the flamboyant LBGT community is a small part compared to yourself who lives a life nobody would even know you are gay.

But it's the colourful gay crowd that gets all the attention! Parades, stereotyped movie roles, the gay guy in media is the fem talking pink shirt guy etc....

 

[Marlenus]

Just do you and allow others to do them.

 

[Ikutachi]

I totally agree with your thoughts on pride.
What started out as something everybody with an ounce of humanity could get behind, has (for some of the community) morphed into a lewd spectacle.

And created transtrenders.

 

[Kamina]

I'm gay, but I don't like to make a big deal about it. I dress like a regular guy, don't attend any Pride related stuff anymore, and mostly keep to myself. Even in my writing I don't tend to focus on LGBT conflicts because I don't think it's an interesting central topic.

Yet I get morbidly embarrassed every June because I think Pride Month is excessive and garish. Yes, rainbow capitalism exacerbates this. I don't truly think corporations care about LGBT rights. It's just another way to make money off of people who don't look between the lines.

Even afterwards I feel like LGBT people nowadays don't want to be normal. They want the rest of the world to change for their benefit and for allies to do what they say at risk of cancellation. It goes beyond asking for equal rights to regular people. That's not what I want out of pride.

I want a world for LGBT people where we don't police each other. It's like we traded the box of heteronormativity for queernormativity. I want a world where people can be themselves but not make a big deal about it, whether it is in normal or queer spaces.

I thought the entire point of pride from the beginning was about courage and showing the world who you are. But the beginning was about showing regular people that they wanted respect and rights. It morphed into a spectacle and an excuse to be gross. It became less about integration and more about exclusion. I think this only sows more division.

I don't consider myself more feminine just because I'm gay, but I feel embarrassed when all I see of gay people in media is ultra feminine, swishy gays. It's just as bad when they have no personality so they don't offend anyone.

For the record, I tried coming out to my parents a decade ago and it didn't go over well. We don't talk about it. But I'm out to everyone else that matters. I don't feel it's necessary to use it as the fulcrum of my entire being, though. I'm a better person than that.

Just because I'm gay doesn't mean that I am going to instantly change the way I dress or conduct myself just to fit in to a subculture I feel alienated from.

Is that so wrong?

You my friend are a normal person. You live your life and don’t identify yourself solely based on your sexual preferences, in contrast to these shallow people.
Stay as you are

 

[GloveSlap]

No, be yourself. The only reason to "act gay" in ways you are not would be to make it easier for other gay guys you don't know to recognize that you are in their dating pool. That might have been somewhat necessary in the past, but not nearly as much in 2021 i would think.

 

[p_xavier]

No, be yourself. The only reason to "act gay" in ways you are not would be to make it easier for other gay guys you don't know to recognize that you are in their dating pool. That might have been somewhat necessary in the past, but not nearly as much in 2021 i would think.

I know that having a lisp is not a thing in French.

 

[GeekyDad]

Just do you and allow others to do them.

...I probably shouldn't...

 

[Marlenus]

...I probably shouldn't...

I am sure it is fine if you ask 1st.

 

[Woopah]

You're absolutely right that people should let you be your authentic self and not judge you for your behaviour. But in the same way, shouldn't you let other people be their authentic selves and not judge them as "excessive" or "gross"?

 

[Deft Beck]

You're absolutely right that people should let you be your authentic self and not judge you for your behaviour. But in the same way, shouldn't you let other people be their authentic selves and not judge them as "excessive" or "gross"?

They happen to be the ones that normal people see and hear all the time.

 

[Woopah]

They happen to be the ones that normal people see and hear all the time.

And people shouldn't assume all gay people are like that (and media companies shouldn't perpetuate it).

But the issue is the media companies and people making assumptions, not the LGBT people at pride just being themselves.

 

[Meicyn]

Besides being f*cking disgusting and lowest common denominator entertainment, it is also hugely detrimental to every young girl who confuses emancipation with this sorry excuse to sell sex to the masses.

lmao who seriously believes this kind of dumb thinking

here let me drop a remix

Besides being f*cking disgusting and lowest common denominator entertainment, it is also hugely detrimental to every young boy who confuses entertainment with this sorry excuse to sell violent videogames to the masses.

 

[Werewolf Jones]

Pretty boring to degrade feminine gays. I like to make fun of the stereotypes but if they wanna be that way it's not a problem.

A lot of gays on this board have a strong disconnect from the culture and just wish to engage in the sexual relations side of it which is fine.

Yes corporations see opportunity and not people. Same as it ever was. Also kink should NOT be at Pride events if they're family friendly.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

The thing is there's many issues at hand regarding perception, media, LGBT people who you cant tell are and ones who you can hear or see a mile away, corporate pandering for money etc....

At the end of the day (as someone said above), just be yourself. You cant change the world. And even if the world does change, it'll take a very long time. So anyone in a spot where they are or feel out of the norm, you just got to accept it and live life. Ignore other people and dont worry about what troller Bob down the street thinks because if someone is really that concerned about everyone walking down the street thinks of you, someone is probably going to be miserable all day caring what other people think.

As for media, it's obvious that the LBGT side (for sake of knowing) has to be out there and obvious. It's the only way to really show it unless a plot involves gender or sexuality. To be fair to media companies, if they dont obviously show it to publicly show a gay guy, they'll get roasted for not showing him. And if the company says that guy standing there is really gay but you just cant tell, they'll still get roasted because people (visual beings) often have to be spoonfed information. If a company says we dont want to display sexuality and how about if everyone just pretends in their head who is gay or not (you decide), that wont fly either. The whole mantra of "seeing is believing" as proof because people are lazy tards half the time and cant think for themselves.

 

[GardenOfAbbylon]

No one has to act or look a specific way because of the way they are. I'm not sure I understand the point of this thread. Being gay doesn't mean you have to be effeminate. Being a lesbian doesn't mean you have to have short butch hair.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

No one has to act or look a specific way because of the way they are. I'm not sure I understand the point of this thread. Being gay doesn't mean you have to be effeminate. Being a lesbian doesn't mean you have to have short butch hair.

I think what the OP is trying to get at is the flamboyant LBGT crowd gets the attention and recognition. And if youre not and blend in with straight people, everyone kind of forgets about you. So despite the group really being the same in terms of sexuality, the image someone gives off (garish or low key) overrides the actual issue. And corporations and media run with it.

 

[Ozzy Onya A2Z]

Well done OP, you might just be one of my favourite people. I don't need to hear about your sexuality through a megaphone, just the same I don't care about straight people shouting from the rooftops they're straight. Enjoy what you wish, be yourself and enough of a cookie cutter "type" in all walks of life. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable, you just have to find your crowd.

Decades ago before my wife and kids I was in an open-ish relationship and we'd frequent gay and lesbian raves (girlfriend bi, me straight and it's just what they were referred to back then) and that is something I'll always praise for just being wild and out there. Fucking amazing fun and without that "level of gayness" it would never had been it's own thing away from standard raves or clubs. I'm guessing many feel the same about the pride marches etc. The Mardi Gras here in Sydney is always looked on with fun and inclusion with the goal of just being yourself.

 

[///PATRIOT]

You're no crazy, gay rights has been politized and weaponized, and that why you feel disconnected.

 

[PSlayer]

Is there anything wrong with being straight passing​

I don't think so and judging by the amount of times gay guys made passes at me(straight guy) i would assume you got yourself in a nice position,dating wise.

As for the "queerness" of the pride month, do things your own way. As long as you're happy and satisfied with your life there is no reason to change.

 

[CGiRanger]

Well done OP, you might just be one of my favourite people. I don't need to hear about your sexuality through a megaphone, just the same I don't care about straight people shouting from the rooftops they're straight. Enjoy what you wish, be yourself and enough of a cookie cutter "type" in all walks of life. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable, you just have to find your crowd.

Decades ago before my wife and kids I was in an open-ish relationship and we'd frequent gay and lesbian raves (girlfriend bi, me straight and it's just what they were referred to back then) and that is something I'll always praise for just being wild and out there. Fucking amazing fun and without that "level of gayness" it would never had been it's own thing away from standard raves or clubs. I'm guessing many feel the same about the pride marches etc. The Mardi Gras here in Sydney is always looked on with fun and inclusion with the goal of just being yourself.

What's also an issue is that "Straight-passing" gays are often criticized and attacked by the "community" at large for not being "gay enough" or being to "heteronormative" or what have you.

Then there's the sick part where that same crowd will chastise (lol) people who want to be in normal monogamous relationships and aren't sleeping around with guys all the time.

And yes, I've been to pride parades, and yeah, that's what the crowds there are mostly all about. Especially in San Francisco or LA (WeHo) lol

 

[Mistake]

If more people thought like you op, we’d all be better for it.

Yet unfortunately, even in my neck of the woods each town is slowly getting overrun by rainbow flags. I’m getting really tired of this

 

[korosanbo]

.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

I'm also a gay guy who doesn't act feminine and so is my fiance
I think everyone should do them, but I also don't like it when companies pander to gay people or forcefully put gay characters in media just for the sake of being gay
My fiance loves shows like "Queer as Folk" (the US one) but I find it hard to watch some weird fantasy world where 99% of the population is gay because it's just a fantasy and it just doesn't look right to me
I wish more shows would take a page out of one of my favorite shows "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" which is the only show I've ever watched that actually shows 2 normal gay relationships and nobody feels the need to celebrate it. Those characters are just part of the cast and nobody feels the need to treat them differently just because they're gay or talk all day long about how it feels to be gay

Sounds reasonable.

But as I said above (IMO), companies and corporations have to do the positive vibe party atmosphere with gay people hired because it reinforces both a brownie point and also it shows the media company isnt making a gay person look bad.

If they did, they might get grilled for making a gay couple being serial killers because someone will complain. But make them the fun safe guy and it's harder to rip that character apart.

Never saw Crazy Ex-GF, but if the show's premise is gay people acting low key and impossible to tell apart from a straight couple, that sounds logical in theory.

BUT, doing that makes it hard to celebrate and brownie point gay characters if they blend in with straight characters. As the OP hinted, nobody seems to care to celebrate low key gay folks. But make them boisterous and flamboyant and it's a party and easy for companies to prove "Hey, see? We support gay characters with that happy go lucky gay character with the pink shirt".