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LGBThread |OT3| Friends of Dorothy!

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N

Naked Snake

Member
Parn said:
Yeah, it really was that bad. The fact that you typed "no offense" is all it should have taken to let you know that sending it was a terrible idea. This is basically what you said to him:

"Hey, I want to know if you have AIDS. And your profile says you're a slut. No offense."

You even say that his IRL personality gave a very different impression from his profile. Your message to him was extremely offensive. Resolving your paranoia seemed a lot more important to you than treating him respectfully, and I'd have told you to fuck off and never message you again either.
Click to expand...

Oh God :'(

I'm going to send him a sincere apology from a different account (since he blocked me). And won't be asking him to "forgive" me or allow me to contact him again. Just to let him know that I didn't mean to be an ass and I feel really bad about it.

I'll probably fuck up that message too...
 
E

Escape Goat

Member
Naked Snake said:
Oh God :'(

I'm going to send him a sincere apology from a different account (since he blocked me). And won't be asking him to "forgive" me or allow me to contact him again. Just to let him know that I didn't mean to be an ass and I feel really bad about it.

I'll probably fuck up that message too...
Click to expand...

You may want to run it by Gay GAF first before sending this one lol.
 
A

Alcoori

Member
Escape Goat said:
You can't eliminate risk of disease to 0% but you can minimize it. So yeah, being promiscuous is a bad thing since it increases your chance of contracting and spreading disease. Especially when its with people who have no loyalty to you and you take their health at a stranger's word. But nowhere did I shame you for having sex with this guy. In fact, I've only been supportive of you in this serious situation.
Click to expand...

Are you kidding? Of course you can't eliminate the risk, but you can get STD by just kissing someone. He was smart about his hook up, he didn't swallow, and he didn't fuck without a condom. Besides, there was a study published in 2006 analyzing data from 59 countries that found no firm link between promiscuity and STDs, with poverty being a more important factor. (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140673606694798)

Being promiscuous is NOT a bad thing if you are safe. Claiming that it is and hiding behind the fact that it increases you chances of getting an STD as opposed to being abstinent IS slut shaming.
You can't do that and then claim you're being supportive. Girl, please.


Naked Snake said:
Oh God :'(

I'm going to send him a sincere apology from a different account (since he blocked me). And won't be asking him to "forgive" me or allow me to contact him again. Just to let him know that I didn't mean to be an ass and I feel really bad about it.

I'll probably fuck up that message too...
Click to expand...

Just let it go. IMO sending another message from a second account is making things worse and paints you in a worst light.
Your message was harsh, but he over reacted too. He could have just told you he was clean.
 
E

Escape Goat

Member
Alcoori said:
Are you kidding? Of course you can't eliminate the risk, but you can get STD by just kissing someone. He was smart about his hook up, he didn't swallow, and he didn't fuck without a condom.
Being promiscuous is NOT a bad thing if you are safe. Claiming that it is and hiding behind the fact that it increases you chances of getting an STD as opposed to being abstinent IS slut shaming.
You can't do that and then claim you're being supportive. Girl, please.




Just let it go. IMO sending another message from a second account is making things worse and paints you in a worst light.
Your message was harsh, but he over reacted too. He could have just told you he was clean.
Click to expand...

He was smart about his hookup? It said plain as day on the guy's profile "Ask me about my status". And I did not suggest abstinence. Being discerning about who you have sex with is smart and a good way of minimizing risk. Anonymous sex from the internet on a frequent basis (being a slut) is dangerous. If nobody is going to say that and instead cheer guys on in this thread for having anonymous sex then I think we're doing a great disservice to this community.

But this is getting away from what really happened. Snake asked if he was being a slut and Ratsky said "No its cool if you were." Nobody made the assertion Snake was a slut and I certainly did not attempt to denigrate him for having sex.
 
P

Poltergust

Member
Actually, create another account, but don't bother identifying yourself as the same guy. He would only think you're a creep and would most likely not answer your question. Create a fake account (with a good picture) and politely ask him about his HIV/AIDS status as someone who is potentially interested in him but is unsure if he should hook up yet. He would be more likely to answer your question that way. If that doesn't work, though, you're just gonna have to give up on getting an answer from him.

And, uh, hi guys. I guess I decided to finally post in here after lurking for so long. I guess another gaffer potentially contracting an STD was the catalyst for me to start posting in here. I just can't stay silent when someone is going through a difficult time lol.
 
H

Henchmen21

Banned
Sorry but the fact that he threw a fit the moment you did ask him about his status Snake, kind of makes him seem untrustworthy. I'd forget about him and be done with it.
 
T

Trigger

Member
Poltergust said:
Actually, create another account, but don't bother identifying yourself as the same guy. He would only think you're a creep and would most likely not answer your question. Create a fake account (with a good picture) and politely ask him about his HIV/AIDS status as someone who is potentially interested in him but is unsure if he should hook up yet. He would be more likely to answer your question that way. If that doesn't work, though, you're just gonna have to give up on getting an answer from him.

And, uh, hi guys. I guess I decided to finally post in here after lurking for so long. I guess another gaffer potentially contracting an STD was the catalyst for me to start posting in here. I just can't stay silent when someone is going through a difficult time lol.
Click to expand...

Bless. Your first post in here is what I'd suggest.
 
N

Naked Snake

Member
Creating a fake account and fishing information out of him while concealing my identity sounds like the worst idea to me (from a moral a prescriptive, and would make me look even worse in his eyes and further hurt his feelings if he figures it out). Not gonna do it.
 
P

Poltergust

Member
Naked Snake said:
Creating a fake account and fishing information out of him while concealing my identity sounds like the worst idea to me (from a moral a prescriptive, and would make me look even worse in his eyes and further hurt his feelings if he figures it out). Not gonna do it.
Click to expand...

I don't see how he'd figure it out unless he IP searches you or something... a quick conversation would not be enough information to go by, even if you type similarly.

I can understand you being apprehensive about it from a moral perspective, though. If I were in your shoes, however, I would not sympathize with someone who may have been hiding an STD from me. If I had gotten something from him, he better fess up one way or another.

Of course, it's just a suggestion. I do hope everything is fine with you.

(Incidentally, I hate acting fake online, but if it concerns my personal health I'd try any method I can.)
 
M

Menaged

Member
Wow, what a turn of events!

I'm far from being one, but I don't think being slutty is a bad thing.
With that said, when writing "you're a slut" to someone, don't be surprised when that person is offended :\

I join #teamletitgo.
So he got offended, big deal, especialy when all you want is a hook up and nothing serious. I think just because his response was in capital letters makes me think less of him. Might be stupid, but that's my initial thought.
Like others said, he wrote "ask me", and then he gets all mad when someone does it? Yes, you could've worded it better, but I think you're good.
Just carry on to the next dude :)
 
P

Poltergust

Member
Menaged said:
Wow, what a turn of events!

I'm far from being one, but I don't think being slutty is a bad thing.
With that said, when writing "you're a slut" to someone, don't be surprised when that person is offended :\

I join #teamletitgo.
So he got offended, big deal, especialy when all you want is a hook up and nothing serious. I think just because his response was in capital letters makes me think less of him. Might be stupid, but that's my initial thought.
Like others said, he wrote "ask me", and then he gets all mad when someone does it? Yes, you could've worded it better, but I think you're good.
Just carry on to the next dude :)
Click to expand...
I don't recommend this until you get your test results back.
 
H

Hige

Member
Wow, what's going on with this thread? Lol
Parn said:
Yeah, it really was that bad. The fact that you typed "no offense" is all it should have taken to let you know that sending it was a terrible idea. This is basically what you said to him:

"Hey, I want to know if you have AIDS. And your profile says you're a slut. No offense."

You even say that his IRL personality gave a very different impression from his profile. Your message to him was extremely offensive. Resolving your paranoia seemed a lot more important to you than treating him respectfully, and I'd have told you to fuck off and never message you again either.
Click to expand...
Snake could have worded it better, for sure, but if the guy's profile is implying he's slutty and his HIV status says "ask me," he brought it on himself in my opinion. Don't online profiles usually work the other way? Where the person is seemingly normal online and they turn out to be crazy in real life. Plus, the guy's defensiveness when asked about his status could be a red flag.

Poltergust said:
I don't see how he'd figure it out unless he IP searches you or something... a quick conversation would not be enough information to go by, even if you type similarly.

I can understand you being apprehensive about it from a moral perspective, though. If I were in your shoes, however, I would not sympathize with someone who may have been hiding an STD from me. If I had gotten something from him, he better fess up one way or another.

Of course, it's just a suggestion. I do hope everything is fine with you.

(Incidentally, I hate acting fake online, but if it concerns my personal health I'd try any method I can.)
Click to expand...
It's a hookup site, I doubt many people actually ask about someone's HIV status. I think it would be fairly obvious it's the same guy asking if he already blocked him earlier and suddenly gets asked a second time.

@Snake: Just let it go.
 
M

Mr_Zombie

Member
Naked Snake said:
So sent him the following message:



And this is what I got:



And he's blocked me on the site.

I guess I could have worded my message better, but was it that bad?

Thanks Paranoid-GAF :(
Click to expand...

Well, you could worded the message better, that's for sure. Be more... subtle (no need to reference the "slutiness" and getting advices from friends). However, the guy does have "ask me about my HIV status" on his profile so him throwing a tantrum when someone actually asks him about that is a little weird, or immature. Unless the "ask me" is the default option for that field he really shouldn't be so outraged.

I wouldn't recommend making another account, though. That would only lead to even more weirdness (what if he wanted to hook up with your alt. account?) and eventually you could end up looking as a creep. Just let it go, get tested (just in case) and next time simply ask about SDT before the hook up, not after.
 
N

Naked Snake

Member
Poltergust said:
I don't recommend this until you get your test results back.
Click to expand...

This is way overkill, come on! What you're saying is that anyone who has ANY sort of unprotected sex (including just sucking dick even when no seminal fluid was exchanged), should immediately abstain from sex for at least 90 days (3 months) and then get tested. Rinse, repeat.

Seriously?

Heck, by your logic even someone who had sex with a condom should wait 3 months between partners, because no protection method is 100% safe.

And guess what ya'll? I realized that even I have "Health: Ask me" on my profile. Because even though I have no reason to believe or suspect that I am HIV+... I CAN'T RULE IT OUT, unless I completely abstain from sex for 90 days (or whatever the magic number is), get my results, and THEN I can confidently put HIV- on my profile... BUT ONLY UNTIL my next sexual encounter (unless the other guy did the same 90 days abstinence thing and had just got his negative results back too).

I hope this sounds as ridiculous to you as it does to me.

Hige said:
It's a hookup site, I doubt many people actually ask about someone's HIV status. I think it would be fairly obvious it's the same guy asking if he already blocked him earlier and suddenly gets asked a second time.
Click to expand...

You're right. I have been on the site for many years and never have I asked anyone that question or has it been asked of me. To be asked that question twice within days would be obvious that it's coming from the same person. In my worldview, if you know you have HIV then you disclose it in clear and non ambiguous ways before having sex with someone. Otherwise, you just don't know (unless you continually do the abstinence-test-sex-repeat cycle every single time you have sex)
 
R

RM8

Member
The guy is a jerk. He states he's a "slut", he states you have to ask him about STDs, and then he's all offended and defensive when someone asks? It was not the most sensitive way of asking, but Snake didn't use information or words that weren't used by this guy himself. Asking about this IS NOT SELFISH or wrong. And what does "I DO NOT DO HARD SEX" even mean?

Again, hot or otherwise, good riddance. Being asked about HIV status is not offensive - HIV is not an evil curse that happens to evil, immoral people who deserve to get HIV.
 
N

Naked Snake

Member
Rm88~ said:
The guy is a jerk. He states he's a "slut", he states you have to ask him about STDs, and then he's all offended and defensive when someone asks? It was not the most sensitive way of asking, but Snake didn't use information or words that weren't used by this guy himself. Asking about this IS NOT SELFISH or wrong. And what does "I DO NOT DO HARD SEX" even mean?

Again, hot or otherwise, good riddance.
Click to expand...

To be fair, he didn't use the word "slut" on his profile, but in my opinion what he actually wrote is way worse than that (I won't share it cause then it would be easy to google search and find his profile).

And I believe "Hard Sex" = Anal. "Soft Sex" = Oral/foreplay/etc.
 
R

RM8

Member
Naked Snake said:
And I believe "Hard Sex" = Anal. "Soft Sex" = Oral/foreplay/etc.
Click to expand...
Bad news for Mr. Offended, you can get STDs via "Soft Sex".

Again, I find it stupid that people get offended when you ask about their STD status. It's selfish, it's ignorant, it's dumb. It's assuming getting a STD only happens to people with no morals / education / whatever.
 
P

Poltergust

Member
Naked Snake said:
This is way overkill, come on! What you're saying is that anyone who has ANY sort of unprotected sex (including just sucking dick even when no seminal fluid was exchanged), should immediately abstain from sex for at least 90 days (3 months) and then get tested. Rinse, repeat.

Seriously?

Heck, by your logic even someone had sex with a condom should wait 3 months between partners, because no protection method is 100% safe.

And guess what ya'll? I realized that even I have "Health: Ask me" on my profile. Because even though I have no reason to believe or suspect that I am HIV+... I CAN'T RULE IT OUT, unless I completely abstain from sex for 90 days (or whatever the magic number is), get my results, and THEN I can confidently put HIV- on my profile... BUT ONLY UNTIL my next sexual encounter (unless the guy did the same 90 days abstinence thing and had just got his negative results back too).

I hope this sounds as ridiculous to you as it does to me.
Click to expand...

I only suggested that because of this whole situation. It's not like you would do this every time you switch partners. You seemed to have been doing fine up until now.

That said, 3 months isn't really that long of a time for me. *shrug*
 
N

Naked Snake

Member
Poltergust said:
I only suggested that because of this whole situation. It's not like you would do this every time you switch partners. You seemed to have been doing fine up until now.

That said, 3 months isn't really that long of a time for me. *shrug*
Click to expand...

But this situation has been way overblown unnecessarily IMO. I have no reason to believe or suspect the guy is HIV+... all this speculation started because the dude didn't care to cum, which is in no way incriminating! Maybe he has performance/anxiety issues? Which I personally have had for years; most of my sexual encounters ended up with me not coming... should all my past sexual partners be freaking out and suspect that I have AIDS?
 
P

Poltergust

Member
Naked Snake said:
But this situation has been way overblown unnecessarily IMO. I have no reason to believe or suspect the guy is HIV+... all this speculation started because the dude didn't care to cum, which is in no way incriminating! Maybe he has performance/anxiety issues? Which I personally have had for years; most of my sexual encounters ended up with me not coming... should all my past sexual partners be freaking out and suspect that I have AIDS?
Click to expand...

OK, let's just drop the issue then. =P
 
R

RM8

Member
Regular STD testing is the responsible thing to do for everyone with an active sexual life, and that's what everyone recommended. I don't really think anyone is making a big deal about this :p And no, your past sexual partners shouldn't be freaking out, but you shouldn't either if one of them asks you about your STD status. Your STD status is a thing that concerns BOTH of you if you're having sex. Honestly that's the only thing I'm arguing here, the guy overreacted big time.
 
N

Naked Snake

Member
Poltergust said:
OK, let's just drop the issue then. =P
Click to expand...

I have. I'm just replying to new posts.

In the mean time I will continue to assume that I am HIV- and continue to seek sex. And if someone ask me about it I will explain that I have no reason to think I have it but I can't rule it out until I get reliable test results (the same applies to anyone with an active sex life anyway).
 
E

Escape Goat

Member
Naked Snake said:
But this situation has been way overblown unnecessarily IMO. I have no reason to believe or suspect the guy is HIV+... all this speculation started because the dude didn't care to cum, which is in no way incriminating! Maybe he has performance/anxiety issues? Which I personally have had for years; most of my sexual encounters ended up with me not coming... should all my past sexual partners be freaking out and suspect that I have AIDS?
Click to expand...

The guy said Ask Me when he could have just stated he was HIV-. I can't imagine any reason this guy wouldn't just say that he was HIV- and practiced safe sex. Couple that with the total freak out in that email and it paints a very shady picture of this guy. The fact he didn't cum isn't suspicious as much as this.
 
N

Naked Snake

Member
Escape Goat said:
The guy said Ask Me when he could have just stated he was HIV-. I can't imagine any reason this guy wouldn't just say that he was HIV- and practiced safe sex. Couple that with the total freak out in that email and it paints a very shady picture of this guy. The fact he didn't cum isn't suspicious as much as this.
Click to expand...

I have "Ask Me" on my profile too... many people do (and anyone with an active non-monogamous sex life should IMO). Did you read my post above?

If you're having sex more frequently than once every 90 days (and getting timely test results back), then you can't accurately declare that you are HIV-, even if you only have protected sex (non-monogamous sex is never 100% safe)
 
R

RM8

Member
Naked Snake said:
I have. I'm just replying to new posts.

In the mean time I will continue to assume that I am HIV- and continue to seek sex. And if someone ask me about it I will explain that I have no reason to think I have it but I can't rule it out until I get reliable test results (the same applies to anyone with an active sex life anyway).
Click to expand...
This is fine. And yeah, as I first mentioned, not only oral sex is much less risky than anal/vaginal sex, but he didn't even ejaculate. The HIV test is something you have to do as someone with an active sex life indeed, but that's it. Again, I don't see how anyone is blowing this out of proportion (other than the guy who acted all offended for what should be a harmless question).
 
M

MarkusRJR

Member
After reading the last few pages of this thread, I have a question: Are you actually supposed to use a condom for oral? I've never heard of anyone using a condom for oral before... but if you can get an sti/std if you don't use a condom with oral it's strange no one uses them.
 
N

Naked Snake

Member
MarkusRJR said:
After reading the last few pages of this thread, I have a question: Are you actually supposed to use a condom for oral? I've never heard of anyone using a condom for oral before... but if you can get an sti/std if you don't use a condom with oral it's strange no one uses them.
Click to expand...

You are "supposed to", but almost nobody uses them. If I have to use them for oral then I would simply rather not do oral. Sucking on latex? Yuck.
 
R

RM8

Member
Honestly it all comes down to preferences. Is it risky to have unprotected oral? Yes, it is (and not only for HIV - you can also get herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, genital warts, and some of these can be transmitted even while using a condom), but sex is pretty much inherently risky. You can't have an active sex life and be 100% sure that you're not going to get a STD.
 
M

Mark1

Member
Is there a possibility that I might be bisexual if I have an attraction towards woman? Like 90-10 in favour of men. I keep thinking about having a relationship with a guy.
 
M

Mark1

Member
Alright. :) I have lusted for men my whole life and its only been recently where I've felt something for women. Didn't like these feelings because I wanted a guy and was unaware of bisexuality at the time. Now i am just accepting the thoughts and feelings, but I'm concerned if I stop finding men attractive in the future, can it happen?
 
E

Escape Goat

Member
Mark1 said:
Alright. :) I have lusted for men my whole life and its only been recently where I've felt something for women. Didn't like these feelings because I wanted a guy and was unaware of bisexuality at the time. Now i am just accepting the thoughts and feelings, but I'm concerned if I stop finding men attractive in the future, can it happen?
Click to expand...

Humans don't like ambiguity so we try to label people as being this or that. What is important is that you're comfortable being you. if you want to pursue women then go for it. Same goes for men. Dont let anyone else define you.
 
D

Dany

Banned
Bob Benson IS
gay
! :D :3 <3

tumblr_mogb0tkfO51qbbz1ro1_500.gif


His storyline was my favorite development from the latest season of Mad Men, plus he is able to put Pete down. I hope he doesn't flounder away like Saul.
 
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