Went out with my friend last night. We went to a straight bar/restaurant first, met a friend of his there. After a while we went dancing to a gay bar where we met some other friends. At one point he referred to me as his "protégé" to his friends which I guess is kinda cute/nice though it did make me feel a bit sad because I'd rather be something more to him. Once again it's like "Oh you're really nice, pretty, cute but that's not enough" (even though I already knew that).
I was his designated driver since I don't drink. He stayed over at my place. It was so weird seeing him in nothing but his underwear lying in my bed (This happened a while back too, though it was at his place and he eventually left the bed). I put a shirt on because I'm very sensitive to cold (AC). Eventually I wrapped my arm around him. I don't really know what I was thinking but he had previously told me I was too cold / avoided having physical contact with him and he thought I was very huggable and that I'm one of the few people he's affectionate with. I feel lonely too and just went for it. It wasn't supposed to mean anything.
After a while he moved around so I took my arm off of him. Later he put his arm around me which was nice and sort of unexpected. We stayed like that for a while, later he took it back too. When he woke up he asked me how did he behave during the night. He might have thought something else happened but I assured him he didn't do anything (I didn't mention the hugging/cuddling but I thought he'd remember that).
We went out, had breakfast and he dropped off at my place again. Now I feel like crap. Because this is all I'm ever gonna get from him. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. He does make me feel very nice too. It's just hard being reminded all the time that you're not good enough.