A) Talk to him
B) Find out where the relationship is going
C) Mend it or . . . divorce
Not with that attitude.
I feel like this has probably been said a ton of times.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
LGBThread |OT3| Friends of Dorothy!
- Thread starter Sai-kun
- Start date
- Status
B) Find out where the relationship is going
C) Mend it or . . . divorce
I feel like this has probably been said a ton of times.
I'm not as cute as everyone is hereA) Talk to him
B) Find out where the relationship is going
C) Mend it or . . . divorce
Not with that attitude.
I feel like this has probably been said a ton of times.
dragonlife
Member
I know, right?
I remember I was being vague about it (just said Czech twins) in some other thread years ago and some GAF dudes searched it and posted how shocked they were that it wasn't chicks. "Shouldn't have Googled," etc.
DR2K
Banned
I dropped the love bomb today.
He dropped it back.
Feels surreal.
We're around 4 months....just felt right.
I'm jealous, congrats man!
I dropped the love bomb today.
He dropped it back.
Feels surreal.
We're around 4 months....just felt right.
LTTP but congrats!
i am in the best mood today
Bel Marduk
Banned
A Regular Show game? That's awesome in every possible way!
Guys, help me with this. There is an old friend (or an ex friend, we took separate paths in life) who I found out that has a boyfriend (and don't ask me why). I'd like to start talking to him again, but the only way to talk to him is through Facebook. He doesn't live here but he comes when there are vacations. I think he is closeted to most people, maybe only his family and obviously his boyfriend know. How can I start talking to him about it? Could it be telling him that I know he has a secret? Or something else? I don't want to sound offensive, please help me.
I guess it's what you signed up for when you got with him so kinda have to put up with it. He isn't self loathing is he? lol
i personally would not interfere. He's prolly still closet and terrified and you may freak him out by discussing that you "know".
if you wanna be friends, contact him, but just right out saying "hey i hear you have a bf lets be friends..." would be hella weird...just be a normal friend, if he wants you to know, he'll tell you.
my 2 cents...
Phonomezer
Banned
Take me, Jaime Lannister
The problem is that he himself left the hint that permitted me to know that he had a boyfriend. But yeah, I think I have to earn his confidence first
Why not just send him a message saying you've somehow learned about it and that because you are also gay and in the closet you want him to know that if he wants to talk to you he can?
Lowlander2
Banned
Hey guys, I've been peeking my head in for the last day or so. I'm basically pretty fresh to GAF altogether, although I'm a hair away from graduating from junior status.
I am bisexual, and have become very good at hanging out at my university's LGBTQ department, so I figured I'd open myself up a bit here too. I probably won't spend too much time here, but it's nice to meet you all regardless.
Might as well post a light pic of me:
My avatar is a commissioned depiction of me. Back when I had stupidly unkempt hair, that is.
I am bisexual, and have become very good at hanging out at my university's LGBTQ department, so I figured I'd open myself up a bit here too. I probably won't spend too much time here, but it's nice to meet you all regardless.
Might as well post a light pic of me:
My avatar is a commissioned depiction of me. Back when I had stupidly unkempt hair, that is.
Even though I'm atheist I see certain logic in religious rituals like fasting, it appears is about community and belonging to something, I wouldn't take it personally. It does suck though and mixed religion relationships require way extra work and tolerance, I'm not sure I could do it.
What do you guys thing of the word faggot? Do you say it, are you okay when someone says it? What about if they say it to you? Is it okay for a gay person to say but not someone straight? Will it always be a derogatory word?
The same can go for the word queer though I don't think it carries the same connotation that faggot does.
The same can go for the word queer though I don't think it carries the same connotation that faggot does.
In a derogatory sense? Like, gamers casually calling each other faggots? FUCK NO. In a public situation I'll (kindly, at first) ask the person to stop. Usually this ends it, but I occasionally get fucking morons going on "BUT LOUIE CK AND SOUTH PARK SAID IT WAS OKAY" rants.
Regardless of their beliefs, people who get moral advice from comedians and cartoons are too stupid to associate with. Still, using a slur as a derogatory term is not okay, regardless of what you think your intent is. It quite obviously spreads the idea that being gay isn't okay.
I also often hear the 'oh, I'm taking it back, I'm being progressive by using it in daily life' excuse. Around other LGBT people who are comfortable with the word, I'll use it in this sense. But I'm gay. I've dealt with the word in a truly homophobic context before. I use it to take the sting away from a hurtful term by making it empowering.
Straight people using it as an insult and claiming to be 'taking it back' deserve to be beaten with two by fours. Who the fuck are they taking it back from? Other straight people who used it with offensive intent? Can a white person start casually using 'nigger' as an insult and excuse it with claims of 'taking it back'? Fuck no! So why is this acceptable?
Respect his religion. If you have issues with it, you can bring them up, but don't call him self loathing for wanting to practice his core beliefs.
If he starts marching in anti gay marriage rallies, then you can speak up
Ah, I see. Well, do make sure you talk to him and try to be open with what you're feeling. One thing to watch when airing your feelings is to try and not make it sound like you're accusing him or anything (not saying that you will but it is common for these open discussions to start becoming defensive arguments). Important thing it to just be open and honest.
I wish you the best!
Well, this is kind of what you signed up for when you decided to be with him. Assuming he didn't just spring his religion out of nowhere then him partaking in the rituals shouldn't be too shocking. I won't read into him starting now as anything other than him putting more effort into his faith. Hell, he could be focusing more on it now that he's with you because he feels safe in a relationship.
However, considering that he's gay and Greek Orthodox, I imagine he has a lot of contradictions that he's going to have to work with. I'd just be supportive of him as best you can, especially since I'm sure he probably hears quite a bit about how terrible a sinner he is and what not from his church.
And if the two weeks is a bit of a trial for you, talk to him about it. Just because he's abstaining from sex doesn't necessarily mean you have to. Perhaps you guys can work some things out that you can do that won't break his lent but also lets you enjoy each other during that time as well.
I hate the word. Absolutely hate it. I'll never use it and I'm glad my friends don't either. If I had a friend that said it or even had the gall to say it to me, I'd definitely have some choice words for them.
Now, I won't start getting into policing others about it. If other gay people want to try and "reclaim" it, I'm not going to start shouting from the soapbox at them. I, personally, don't think "reclamation" works with these words but I know each person's relationship with it is going to be complicated.
Granted, I'm a bit hypocritical in that with my friends we'll still joke about things "being gay" (as in stupid) though we reserve that for friendly banter amongst ourselves.
Finally, I don't think queer has the same connotation.
To be fair, queer used to have the same connotations, being used almost exclusively as a slur -- now, thanks to widespread LGBT use, 'queer' is considered one of the more progressive ways to describe the movement as a whole. 'Taking back' words definitely can work, and 'queer' is an example of that.
Well, if we really want to split hairs, queer has a much longer history of meaning "strange" than it did as a slur.
Edit: To clarify, I personally think that most native English speakers will come across the word used in a non-derogatory context. I mean, through school literature they're going to be exposed to the historical context of the word and I think that plays a large part in diffusing it's negative connotations. And, for whatever reason, the term just didn't catch on quite as strongly as gay or faggot as an insult (possibly because the word was starting to become archaic anyway). I think between those two factors, it has really reduced the negativity that I wouldn't say it was so much "reclaimed" as it resisted a change in its usage.
Well, like Lucario said, this is not a word I would use or stand for in a public situation.
However, I use it with very few of my friends. I realize the connotation and impact that the word has, and I don't think we are trying to reclaim it, but for us it means being really gay. We don't use it as a slur and I'm confident that in our minds it's more of an endearing term than anything else.
Of course, I won't use it with all of my friends, and I think that I will never be comfortable with a straight person using it, even jokingly.
don't be creepy and say "i know your secret" lol. that almost comes off as malicious. i would just start chatting up with him and catch up. then you can guage how open he is about it, and you can decide whether or not you want to bring it up. if he is closetted, you don't know whether or not he will feel threatened by you mentioning it. although, you being gay might reduce that feeling of threat for him.
I don't use specific derogatory words (much less in a language I don't speak IRL ), but to be honest I find it a bit silly that people demonize words and attach complex negativity to them. Insults exist, people will always use them, and there are insults aimed at pretty much everyone. "OMG he said that word!" reactions is what I'm talking about.
), but to be honest I find it a bit silly that people demonize words and attach complex negativity to them. Insults exist, people will always use them, and there are insults aimed at pretty much everyone. "OMG he said that word!" reactions is what I'm talking about.I don't use specific derogatory words (much less in a language I don't speak IRL
Because it hurts. It degrades and dehumanizes a personal sexual preference, gender or skin color as wrong and inherently puts thrm in a lower class.
I don't use specific derogatory words (much less in a language I don't speak IRL
Aren't there equivalent words in Spanish?
I do understand the argument "they're just words" but the purpose of language is to communicate ideas and it's not so much the sound of these syllables that's offensive as it is the concept that people are expressing. These discriminatory words are demeaning and (as Dany mentioned) dehumanizing people and their sole purpose is to express the user's hatred and disgust at a person... for nothing more than existing.
So, I think there is a graver implication with discriminatory language than what you get from a normal insult. But I think you can often see it in the very word itself. Faggot is a bundle of sticks used for lighting a fire. Motherfucker is... well... when you parse it on its own not really inherently offensive aside from being crude. Wherein one denotes an inherent element of violence the other is just being crass.
i think faggot has way too much negative history attached for it to not be considered derogatory. it obviously loses a lot of that negative power when a gay person says it though. i will admit that. i understand it occasionally being used as a joke by gay people (although i still don't care for that), but i am not okay with anyone - gay or straight - using it as an insult.
i'm all for "taking the word back", but people seem to think that turning it into a more generic insult is taking it back. it's not. taking back the word "queer" happened because it was turned into something positive or otherwise neutral imo.
Lowlander2
Banned
There haven't been nearly enough instances where fag hasn't been used as a pejorative and prejudiced term to suggest that the term's been reclaimed yet. While a sizable sect of gay friends on Twitter are cool with using it amongst themselves without malice, I'm not personally completely comfortable with using it.
The question is whether you think he left the hint deliberately (to let others know that he might be gay without saying it out) or was it by accident. If it's the latter, I would rather wait until he come out or, as you said, just earn his confidence first. Otherwise you can scare him. Few weeks ago I noticed that somehow I must have pressed the +1 button on Google Play when I was browsing the market for gay social apps (the button was red instead of white). Thankfully, very few of people I know use G+ and it seems no one noticed it, but believe me I would be scared shitless if anyone would ask me about it (even if that someone would also turned out to be gay), because that would mean other people might also discovered this.
'Maricón' is used as an equivalent to 'faggot' pretty often. I'm uncomfortable with it. 'Manflor' is less common, but basically the same thing.
Yeah, that's an insult alright
My point is that... this is what insults do, so I personally don't think any particular insult is especially taboo or evil.Around here I'd say "puto" or "joto" are the most common. And no, I don't use them.
And really, precisely because the insult means "OMG you are HOMOSEXUAL EW EW YUCK" I find it less offensive than... say, "stupid", which is probably something the receiving person is not. When someone says "faggot" it's actually saying "I'm backwards, ignorant and probably superstitious". But that's just me, I've never given insults a lot of importance (gladly I don't receive insults often, lol, and as I mentioned I don't use them myself). So to me they are indeed just words. Words are tools, if the message is not relevant or important then they have zero meaning to me.
Huh, where are you? 'Puta' just means 'cunt' here, and I never hear 'puto' used.
Such a fucking terrible word. My experience with it has only ever been negative. Every time I her someone say it, I cringe. I got into an argument with some friends (who are straight) about how they should be able to say faggot and all kinds of other slurs, but especially faggot, and that I needed to stop being so sensitive. I seriously couldn't believe I was having that conversation with my friends.
HaloGAF used to get into stupid conversations about being "too sensitive" as well, I hated that.
Stupid word, I hate it, I totally judge people who use it.
Mexico. It's funny because "puto" means homosexual (or coward, probably in the sense that "homos are coward since they're not manly"), but "puta" means slut.
Also, I think "faggot" is wrong because of stuff like Sai-kun's post - you really shouldn't be using words that affect people so much.
I'm in the US, but a part where it's common for people to speak Spanish in public.
Googling around, it seems like the anti-gay slurs differ by area in Mexico and other spanish speaking countries. There's probably a hundred of 'em. Kind of fascinating -- a term that's a pretty blatant violation of a folkway in one country would be an empowering term for queers in another.
Christopher
Member
My friends are getting married not gonna lie I'm kinda excited to go to a different kind of wedding
Amibguous Cad
Member
I dislike "faggot." "Queer" I think has been reclaimed sufficiently, and I like that it encompasses the whole alphabet soup of acronyms rather than limiting it to the G and L parts.
Spanish is indeed complicated. Back in my Colombia and here in Brasil (portuguese, close enough), "puto" means, instead, to be very angry. Of course only men can use it the word that way, the feminine form "puta" means whore.
I don't think spanish has any word that could be empowering to gay people, for obvious cultural reasons, it's so bad we had to import the "gay" word and the lgbt acronym.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
One of us! One of us! Welcome.
I've spent my entire life living in a household that uses the word fag (or a variation of it) every time a gay person pops up on television, so it really doesn't phase me at all when I hear someone say it. I even used it as a child as a general insult before I knew what it meant. I stopped consciously saying it 10+ years ago, but it will still occasionally slip out from time to time.
I don't like the word, but it is so commonly used here both as a common insult and as a common description of gay people (not always used in a derogatory way) that I think I've been desensitized to it.
I'm about the same in terms of being desensitized to it. I've just never been bothered by the words when I'm around friends. Even Nigger doesn't bother me much. MAYBE that's a bad thing and i should be more bothered but thats just me.
I will say this tho I understand when it hurt's other people and I wouldn't say it around those people either.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
It doesn't bother me very much, but yeah, that's probably due to desensitization. I've been randomly called a fag or faggot numerous times while walking around the city, and at this point it just rolls off me. Who cares? I roll my eyes and almost wish they'd come up with something more creative.
Oddly enough, it only has power when I angrily use it against myself or the community at large during those times of angry self-loathing.
Oddly enough, it only has power when I angrily use it against myself or the community at large during those times of angry self-loathing.
This is basically where I'm at. Always acknowledged it as an offensive term but never felt particularly bothered by others saying it. My case might be different though as I wasn't out in high school so I didn't have it used against me specifically, and the people I'm around nowadays know better than to say it.
I hate it with a passion, mainly because its been used against me most of my life(even by family). Queer doesn't really bother me too much, as from personal experience mostly other LGBT people use it.
ShadyLurker
Member
People just randomly call you a fag when you walk by? That sounds terrible man, what city do you live in if you don't mind me asking? I guess I'm just too used to small city Canada life:/
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
I've even had it thrown at me, and I'm straight.
I'd argue that being potentially even worse, the small town I grew up in is rampant with idiots.
ShadyLurker
Member
Well I suppose no matter where you live there will be some idiots. I mean I've obviously heard people say racist or homophobic things in conversation but not like, yelling "Hey faggot" when someone is just walking by.
Yes, those words and Maricon are pretty common. Lets see if I can remember some others
- Status
Similar threads
- Poll