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[Collete]

Apologies, I wasn't thinking.
How do you guys keep yourselves motivated? Finals are in two weeks and I am woefully behind. Need some form of motivation to hit the books.

I think of the people that want me to keep going with my life and that care about me, it's not necessarily about you then so there isn't room for an excuse to weasel out of it. I'm not necessarily talking about family, (depending how your relationship is with them, then include them) but your friends and hell even people on GAF want you to do your best and succeed. I said it before on the first page of this thread, but there is always someone fighting for you. It sucks if after all their fighting for you, it all ends up in vain right? So do your best for those people. I talked to you before, and you're a pretty swell person from what I've learned. I want you to do your best, you've got this.
Also listening to really pumped out music helps me get fired about doing my best.
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
That always gets me fired up for studying (oddly enough)

 

[toadsworth]

Music, reward yourself for working hard, coffee, go some place like the library and unplug as many devices as you can.

Yes, staying away from the internet is a must to stay focused. Hopefully the new daft punk leaks in the next two weeks

I think of the people that want me to keep going with my life and that care about me, it's not necessarily about you then so there isn't room for an excuse to weasel out of it. I'm not necessarily talking about family, (depending how your relationship is with them, then include them) but your friends and hell even people on GAF want you to do your best and succeed. I said it before on the first page of this thread, but there is always someone fighting for you. It sucks if after all their fighting for you, it all ends up in vain right? So do your best for those people. I talked to you before, and you're a pretty swell person from what I've learned. I want you to do your best, you've got this.
Also listening to really pumped out music helps me get fired about doing my best.
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
That always gets me fired up for studying (oddly enough)

This is good advice! Externalizing my motivation would do me some good. and that is one of my favorite songs, great for getting pumped up for any kind of work.
Thanks!

 

[heidern]

I'm not trying to be confrontational or anything.

Neither am I Bagels done a great job with the OP, I'm just pointing out some potential issues that I see.

1) A mental illness, by definition, impacts one’s ability to carry out the activities of day-to-day life. Preferring not to be in large crowds is not a mental illness; being unable to leave your house because you’re terrified of people, on the other hand? You might want professional help with that.

Is this definition correct? What about someone that kills themselves and nobody had a clue as they seemed perfectly fine and were carrying out activities of day-to-day life? Did that person have a mental illness? What about someone that has a brilliant life but still feels absolutely horrible? Can that be a mental illness?

just want people to go see a professional first instead of self-diagnosing and self-medicating, which is a huge problem.

Do you think things like the PHQ9 should be removed from the OP?

Personal responsibility is implied by even admitting that you might have a problem.

If someone admits they have a problem but decide to do nothing about it, do you still think they are taking personal responsibility? What about if they decide to fix the problem by drinking lots of alcohol?

One is weighted by scientific evidence, peer review and alternative medicines are not. The cost vs risk has been taken into consideration. I don't get your point. Believing that something might help is not the same as having enough evidence of efficacy.

I'm making a wider point. Different people will come into this thread with different levels of knowledge and different purposes. Some will have severe conditions, some mild, some none at all. Some people will be unsure. Some will have limited knowledge, some will have misconceptions. Many will literally know nothing about mental health.

Speaking from personal experience, at the age of 23 I didn't even know what depression was, I'd only heard vague mention of the term, I equated it to unhappiness, not only did I not even know if there were possibilities to treat it, I had no idea it was a mental illness in the first place. That's me, living in a first world country and having a computer science degree in my name. Maybe I'm just stupid, but more likely is that many people, including people that have mental health problems are completely uninformed about mental health,

This is why I say don't make assumptions about people reading this thread. Don't take for granted that they know anything or have any idea of the seriousness of their situation. It may sound obvious to say get professional help, but it's not obvious. To a person that knows nothing, you need to back it up and justify it. Presenting explanations of all the various mental illnesses and the various uses, costs and benefits of the various 'therapies' maximises the usefulness of the thread, but also maximises the credibility of it. An obvious response to "Get professional help" is "yeah, whatever", especially with an illness that makes someone see the worst in everything.

Maybe the term therapy confuses things, and maybe the term alternative also makes it unclear. So for a moment just think of the term "intervention"

Whatever intervention you have can be used in different ways. It can be used for different purposes. It can be used in different combinations alongside other interventions. It has its benefits and risks. Risks are:
1) The level of damage something can do
2) The possibility of that damage occuring.

Taking meds as the example, theres some mild side effects which may occur. There are also some more serious possibilities, examples off NHS website:
"Long-term use of SSRIs and TCAs has been linked to an increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes. A study published in 2010 found that people who took these types of antidepressants each day for more than a year were twice as likely to develop type 2 diabetes than the population at large."
"Some people experience suicidal thoughts and a desire to self-harm when they first take antidepressants. Young people under 25 seem particularly at risk."

To give an example you can't directly compare meds with working out. Statistically meds have a higher efficacy in treating serious depression. However an individual may or may not be comfortable with those risks. Exercise has lower risk or you could say no direct risk. Also exercise can be done in addition to meds, so it's not necessarily an alternative, more a complement. Coming back to purpose, a person may do exercise not to cure their problems, but to make an improvement which is a more modest aim. They may consider other interventions to get to that point of curing the problem. Comparing again to CBT which has a high efficacy but a lower risk, there may other issues of a delay of months or maybe someone can't even afford it.

You also need to consider things going wrong, not just things going smoothly. People may not want to PM someone or make a post, they may have a phobia of going to the doctor, they may have no access, they may be misinformed, they may already be advised by their spiritual advisor to spurn the system and meditate their problem away. It's not just presenting people ideas on how to help themselves, it's also an opportunity to give them awareness of the dangers.

 

[Bagels]

I think of the people that want me to keep going with my life and that care about me, it's not necessarily about you then so there isn't room for an excuse to weasel out of it. I'm not necessarily talking about family, (depending how your relationship is with them, then include them) but your friends and hell even people on GAF want you to do your best and succeed. I said it before on the first page of this thread, but there is always someone fighting for you. It sucks if after all their fighting for you, it all ends up in vain right? So do your best for those people. I talked to you before, and you're a pretty swell person from what I've learned. I want you to do your best, you've got this.
Also listening to really pumped out music helps me get fired about doing my best.
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
That always gets me fired up for studying (oddly enough)

Awesome stuff as always, oomi! And INCREDIBLE song choice. Remember to tell Pau that that's the BEST Queen song! FACT.

I always mixed up my study music - some stuff to get pumped up, some quieter things while I was really focusing. Sometimes, and I'm not sure why, but Bach, cello suites (or the arrangements done by the Los Angeles Guitar Quartet), just really did it for me. I think of Bach as the pinnacle of human achievement, and listening to him bumps my IQ up temporarily. It didn't always work, because it's hard to just put in the background - it can make me anxious to try to focus on something else because it draws me in so much.

I listened to this a lot when I studied, for reasons that I can't remember (except that I really like it). It's kind of rare to find relaxing music that also has a beat you can kind of bob your head to. I dunno.

The value of taking walks cannot be overstated, either. Smiley reminded me just how refreshing that can be. I would be guilty of trying to lock myself in my room and just study for hours straight. It was a bad way to do things. I had better luck taking a walk every few hours, going to grab a tea (which I associate with oomi, now - everything ties back to depression-GAF!), getting some fresh air.

I read a TON in college, like 100+ books a year (I manage half that now, which is still pretty good). It's my favorite thing in the world, and I realize it isn't for everyone, but I would reward myself during study breaks with reading time. I'd copy out my notes or whatever, and when I had a little break, I'd read 25 pages or so for pleasure. It was nice because I didn't have to take myself completely out of study mode - reading keeps your mind active. It worked a lot better than jumping online or playing a game. It can be a great hedge against anxiety, too.

Completely rambling now, but we've talked before about having a little book club. The resources have books listed as non-fiction thus far. It's harder to include fiction (not my friend and yours, the amazing Fiction - the books with the made-up stuff!), but fiction has been a great sustaining force against depression in my life. It would be fun to read some things together and discuss. Let me know if it's something you'd be interested in. I have a few shortish books with interesting things to say about life and beautiful passages that will stick with you.

 

[Bagels]

Neither am I Bagels done a great job with the OP, I'm just pointing out some potential issues that I see.


Is this definition correct? What about someone that kills themselves and nobody had a clue as they seemed perfectly fine and were carrying out activities of day-to-day life? Did that person have a mental illness? What about someone that has a brilliant life but still feels absolutely horrible? Can that be a mental illness?


Do you think things like the PHQ9 should be removed from the OP?

Glad we're having this discussion, and keeping it respectful. Great stuff!

The definition, about an illness affecting your daily life, is an important principle. I can see the confusion, though - it does not necessarily have to prevent you from going to work or whatever, but if the distress it causes in really affecting your life - particularly to the point at which you'll go so far as to kill yourself - it passes from personality quirk/"just the way you are/etc into being an illness. The feeling horrible kind of trumps the brilliant life, in your example, but the way I wrote it probably does not capture that. This cuts both ways - I love medical anthropology, and one principle you'll run into in cross-cultural studies is that the criteria that get you labeled a schizophrenic, and potentially locked away, today in the West, would make you St. Theresa, or a shaman, or a visionary in different times and places.

Anyway, this is the kind of thing I want to keep reworking, so I really thank you for your critical eye.


I go back and forth on the PHQ-9. I think it's okay so long as there are ample warnings that it's a suggestive test, not a diagnostic test. I did take down the HAM-D, as it's not supposed to be a self test at all. I guess I would take them down, except we've had online tests run through the thread before, and they're much worse than a tool like the BDI or PHQ-9. I'd rather point people towards things with some evidence behind them, than to a 20 question online test that claims it can subtype your depression.

The OP can definitely be expanded to include more info about risks and benefits, but I'd rather contract it to meet the goal you suggest of simply providing some basic info about mental health - what exactly is depression? What is mania? What are the drugs I might be prescribed? Maybe my drug "myths" section crosses the line into advocacy (only it that it totally does this) - should that come down?

I guess the two goals of the OP are to give that basic overview of mental health concepts, and to head off a few common questions that we got over and over in the old thread. How do I know if what I'm going though might be depression? Well, here are the DIGS E CAPS symptoms, and here's the PHQ-9, which asks you about the severity of those symptoms. What is the difference between a psychiatrist and psychologist? What kinds of therapy are there?

By scientific background and personal inclination, I'm not ready to make a postmodern OP. You CAN go to Russia and get stem cells injected into your brain, but I'm not including that in the post. There is scientific truth in the world, and I'm with ClassyPenguin in that trumping things like homeopathy which not only have no scientific support, but ask us to overturn established scientific principles in favor of entirely new truths. I get that acupuncture may work for some folks, and who cares if it works in 10% of the population or whatever. If something works for you, who cares what anyone else says, on some level? But we're getting into weird philosophical arguments here. I'm proud of what the OP is for now, but it cannot have everything (it's a lot of stuff as it is!). I promise to keep working to make it as helpful as it can be, but it does take my attention away from the thread itself, where I think the real work is being done. You've always been a real force for good in here, heidern, and we're lucky to have you. I hope you agree that the OP is important, and we can both keep thinking about it, but we'll do more by turning our attention to the discussion in the thread. I'm personally too hung up on the OP at this point - it can't talk back and support people in the thread, but you and I can.

 

[RionaaM]

Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Did I just read that the best Queen song is anything different than "I want to break free"?


And yes, this post:

I think of the people that want me to keep going with my life and that care about me, it's not necessarily about you then so there isn't room for an excuse to weasel out of it. I'm not necessarily talking about family, (depending how your relationship is with them, then include them) but your friends and hell even people on GAF want you to do your best and succeed. I said it before on the first page of this thread, but there is always someone fighting for you. It sucks if after all their fighting for you, it all ends up in vain right? So do your best for those people. I talked to you before, and you're a pretty swell person from what I've learned. I want you to do your best, you've got this.
Also listening to really pumped out music helps me get fired about doing my best.
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
That always gets me fired up for studying (oddly enough)

is awesome. I really like this attitude, this is the Oomi I wanna see

 

[BorkBork]

Thank you for for sharing that, BorkBork. I can't even imagine how difficult the situation must be for you. One of my greatest fears is the toll my mental health issues will take on my relationship and the effect they have on my boyfriend - I can already see him being worn down.

Also, I don't think that the emotions you are experiencing are necessarily unhealthy - I think they are perfectly acceptable for someone in your situation. You are grieving and are in a very difficult situation. It's okay for you to feel this way! And it sounds like you're taking the right steps to find resources to help you. Have you thought about counseling for yourself?

Thanks for reading. Yeah, I'm trying to work out things with support from family and friends, and with my partner too. The hard thing is that personal everyday relationship issues we have get all mixed up with the illness so that it's very difficult to separate things to work them out. I am looking to counselling, but finances are tight at the moment. Appreciate the support though

Thanks for sharing, and sorry to hear about everything. A loved one's bipolarity more or less destroyed my family growing up, it can be a very painful mood disorder to live with and process--I don't think my sibling and I have still really moved on from it.

I think we are beginning to wrap our heads around it, but at the moment it's solitary process of working it out myself and then trying to involve my partner into the process in the future if she ever reaches out again. It's tough to find the balance of offering help and support and being too pushy with it.

I heard something like 90% of marriages fail in bipolar situations. Not super encouraging signs, but I will do everything I can to make things work in a way that makes both of us happy.

 

[SpartanForce]

Amazing thread.

But the lacking of more personality disorders and more bipolar states (there are 7) is kinda of a letdown.

 

[neojubei]

I suppose i will get back into the weight loss thing again. Seeing my friend lose so much weight was so shocking. I do not think i can do it myself. From an XXL shirt to M size is just remarkable. Actually today before I knew the events happening last night I went to the bus stop as I usually do to go to work. There was a crowd there which was weird since they take the earlier bus. A bus came but told everyone the buses were shut down. Unbeknownst to us we thought something was wrong with the buses so we walked to the train station. I am shocked I walked 2 miles to the train station lugging a heavy bag. I think once this lockdown is over in Boston I might start walking to the train station every weekday morning.

I'm not really feeling any better from yesterday. I still have huge doubts I can make any change in myself. I know I must change my job, the stress level is just too much and change my weight as well. I'm afraid I'll put myself in a job with no health benefits or even worse than my current job. I still hate this world and wish I wasn't living it. I have nothing to live for. I think that thought really just brings me down and i cannot change that because it is the truth. I have no kids and I hate my family and I have no significant other. So whats the point?

I have no hobbies no goals in life. The one thing I like I cannot have so I've gotten use to that. My personality is awful and I have nothing to strive for in life. So what I am saying even if I try to change what's the point?

 

[SpartanForce]

Bipolar I: full-blown mania; mania and depression
Bipolar I ½: depression with protracted hypomania;
Bipolar II: depression with hypomanic episodes; hypomania and depression
Bipolar II ½: cyclothymic disorder
Bipolar III: hypomania due to antidepressant drugs
Bipolar III ½: hypomania and/or depression associated with substance use
Bipolar IV: depression associated with hyperthymic temperament; hypomania or mania precipitated by antidepressant drugs
Bipolar V: recurrent depressions that are admixed with dysphoric hypomania; depressed patients with a family history of bipolar illness
Bipolar VI: late onset depression with mixed mood features, progressing to a dementia-like syndrome; mania without depression [unipolar mania]

Bipolar N.O.S: If a person displays some symptoms of bipolar disorder but not others, the clinician may diagnose bipolar NOS. The diagnosis of bipolar NOS is indicated when there is a rapid change (days) between manic and depressive symptoms and can also include recurring episodes of hypomania. Bipolar NOS may be diagnosed when it is difficult to tell whether bipolar is the primary disorder due to another general medical condition, such as substance abuse.

BP 1 subtype: Ultradian (Ultra-Ultra) mood states in bipolar disorder cycle much faster than rapid cycling; the latter is defined as four or more mood episodes in one year, sometimes occurring within a few weeks. A Ultradian mood cycling is characterized by cycles shorter than 24 hours.

I myself have probably some mix of N.O.S and BP 1 Ultra-Ultra

 

[RionaaM]

I suppose i will get back into the weight loss thing again. Seeing my friend lose so much weight was so shocking. I do not think i can do it myself. From an XXL shirt to M size is just remarkable. Actually today before I knew the events happening last night I went to the bus stop as I usually do to go to work. There was a crowd there which was weird since they take the earlier bus. A bus came but told everyone the buses were shut down. Unbeknownst to us we thought something was wrong with the buses so we walked to the train station. I am shocked I walked 2 miles to the train station lugging a heavy bag. I think once this lockdown is over in Boston I might start walking to the train station every weekday morning.

Great post. The rest doesn't exist, I'll just pretend you never wrote it.

Walking and exercising can do you no harm. I'm glad that you're going to try it, I really am.

 

[Bagels]

Amazing thread.

But the lacking of more personality disorders and more bipolar states (there are 7) is kinda of a letdown.

You're part of what makes it amazing, Spartan! I'm glad you're here with us...wait. That sounds wrong. Okay, I'm not happy you share these illnesses with us. I'm just glad to know you and have you participate!

My post went up before you added your post about BPD. Thanks so much for that! I need to find room in the OP for this kind of stuff! Thanks so much!

I suppose i will get back into the weight loss thing again. Seeing my friend lose so much weight was so shocking. I do not think i can do it myself. From an XXL shirt to M size is just remarkable. Actually today before I knew the events happening last night I went to the bus stop as I usually do to go to work. There was a crowd there which was weird since they take the earlier bus. A bus came but told everyone the buses were shut down. Unbeknownst to us we thought something was wrong with the buses so we walked to the train station. I am shocked I walked 2 miles to the train station lugging a heavy bag. I think once this lockdown is over in Boston I might start walking to the train station every weekday morning.

-I'm with Rio. This is all the post we need! -

You started so strong, Jubei! You have it in you to do this. And you have this community behind you. We get frustrated when you just beat yourself up so much. We want to see you succeed, and I personally know you can do it. You may hate your personality, but I know you're an awesome guy. I've always meant it when I've said we need to grab a beer next time I'm in Boston. I wish I could be there when you start feeling hopeless and give you that kick in the pants you need. It's like RionaaM said above, about oomi - we all love her at her best. It's just unreal. And when you're not at your lowest, you have so much to offer, and we all respond to that. I know it's hard to do, and you can't always do it, but I want to see more of that Jubei, the one who hasn't give up. And I think you'll find that people react to that and it feeds back in a positive way.

 

[dutchguyjack]

I suppose i will get back into the weight loss thing again. Seeing my friend lose so much weight was so shocking. I do not think i can do it myself. From an XXL shirt to M size is just remarkable. Actually today before I knew the events happening last night I went to the bus stop as I usually do to go to work. There was a crowd there which was weird since they take the earlier bus. A bus came but told everyone the buses were shut down. Unbeknownst to us we thought something was wrong with the buses so we walked to the train station. I am shocked I walked 2 miles to the train station lugging a heavy bag. I think once this lockdown is over in Boston I might start walking to the train station every weekday morning.

I'm not really feeling any better from yesterday. I still have huge doubts I can make any change in myself. I know I must change my job, the stress level is just too much and change my weight as well. I'm afraid I'll put myself in a job with no health benefits or even worse than my current job. I still hate this world and wish I wasn't living it. I have nothing to live for. I think that thought really just brings me down and i cannot change that because it is the truth. I have no kids and I hate my family and I have no significant other. So whats the point?

I have no hobbies no goals in life. The one thing I like I cannot have so I've gotten use to that. My personality is awful and I have nothing to strive for in life. So what I am saying even if I try to change what's the point?

Good things come to those who wait. Once you determine yourself to life goals, the significant other and kids will come. I'm glad you're looking a little more positively at things now.

I don't believe anybody who thinks they have an awful personality actually has an awful personality. Someone with an awful personality wouldn't care about having that personality.

What's the one thing you like?

 

[Iph]

Apologies, I wasn't thinking.
How do you guys keep yourselves motivated? Finals are in two weeks and I am woefully behind. Need some form of motivation to hit the books.

Bring everything you need to study/work on stuff anf go to a local coffee shop that has free wifi, a plud (if you need a laptop) and settle in for a while. Coffee is close and it's motivates you ore to only deal with "business" in public instead of getting into a time wasting black hole with other things on the internet.

 

[Prax]

All of this discussion going on is really inspiring and interesting. Too bad I am too sleep deprived to participate (not depression related, but I do have a bad habit of never sleeping right, which can contribute to messed up moods and probably heavy motivation issues). @__@

Anyway, I was waiting around in a mall food court by myself to meet up with my sister and while reading the thread and thinking of the different inspiring songs posted, and inspired by Oomi's writing I got a peek of and the general experiences and members posting in this thread... I decided to use that time to type out a poem/song while on my cellphone!

So uhm.. I am still sleep deprived and still typing on my phone while waiting for my sibs to finish buying stuff, so maybe it's not as good as I think it is.. And it's kind if life-affirming-cheesy, because that's the kind of stuff I like plus mmmmmmetaphors..! So uhhhhhhh whatever! XD Hopefully you can relate to at least a few lines, whether you have mental health issues or not.

VOICES

I can't go in reverse
Or redo yesterday
And the next subway stop
Is still miles away
I guess I'll just keep walking until the next traffic light
If I want to survive the journey
I'll have to
Fight
Fight
Fight!

People laugh and people point and people stare
It's hard to tell if there is anyone left to care
Even my own heart and mind are hard for me to read
Can't tell who it is I'm even trying to please
I've become so caught up in my own hell
Can't stand this hollow void and empty shell

But I want to fight!
Break down every wall in my way
I want to fight!
Carry my voice to the depths of space

My every compulsion is to leave the battle lost
Missed every chance I had; spent every coin tossed
Just waiting for the next crushing wave to come around
Been eating so much dirt laying life faced down
I didn't ask for this cursed life or these ill-fitting jeans
Just one small false move and I may split the seams

But I want to fight!
Keep holding on until holding holds
I want to fight!
And shake the dust from my vocal folds

Every sweetest dream just seems nightmare-bound
Is this my waking life or am I underground?
All these protruding hands are marked with my distrust
I can't stomach the thought of my own disgust
I am in between a state of radioactive decay
Can you all step back lest I blow it all away

But I want to fight!
Make all the splintered parts to a whole
I want to fight
And weave a voice out of these echoes

I couldn't stop the onslaught of the forces
I didn't have the strength to make all the right choices
My brain is melting down in its own self-defense
The perfect world I kept wanting is all warped and bent
This hole I'm digging is getting deeper still
I can't take much more, I've had my fill

But I want to fight!
And stand defiant against the storm
I want to fight!
Until these voices can become my own

In the torrential rain I shake upon a rocking boat
I've seemed to lose my way; the steering wheel broke
My whole direction's lost; the compass tossed overboard
Wasted more gold and time than I could afford
The mirror of the moon only reflects the cracks
I need to hold my chest tight to brace for the impact

But I want to fight!
Even if it means doing it by myself
I want to fight!
Say all the voices together held

All the voices hushed
And the noises drowned
And my beating heart
Never felt so loud
It's always darkest before the dawn's breaking light
If I want to live finally
I need to
Fight
Fight
Fight!

I want to fight!
Despite the voices in my head
I want to fight!
Against the organic dread
I want to fight!
And savour every breath
I want to fight!
For hope inside our common thread!

Enjoy the small moments in life that allow you to be creative and contribute a part of yourself to. It could be art, writing, volunteering, talking to others... Anything that makes you feel you are a participant of your own life. Being able to participate together like this, like in this thread, is also cool and significant, so I hope none of you downplay that.

I will post again later when more energy and more coherence is in head lol.

 

[Sub_Level]

Unless I'm gettin' together with friends, I always hate Fridays. They always make me sad and there's nothin' to do in this town :\. Except drink, but I have a sore throat and try not to drink when sad anyways.

Apologies, I wasn't thinking.
How do you guys keep yourselves motivated? Finals are in two weeks and I am woefully behind. Need some form of motivation to hit the books.

Have time to relax and whatnot. On days off from school where you plan on working, START BEFORE NOON. It's easier to keep momentum going than starting in the first place. Plus you'll have that feeling of a little accomplishment in the afternoon as opposed to that dreadful felling of procrastination. Coffee helps a lot. And make sure you're studying sitting your ass down or even standing up. Laying back on a couch or bed is a no-no (but everybody's different I suppose)

 

[Johnas]

I suppose i will get back into the weight loss thing again. Seeing my friend lose so much weight was so shocking. I do not think i can do it myself. From an XXL shirt to M size is just remarkable. Actually today before I knew the events happening last night I went to the bus stop as I usually do to go to work. There was a crowd there which was weird since they take the earlier bus. A bus came but told everyone the buses were shut down. Unbeknownst to us we thought something was wrong with the buses so we walked to the train station. I am shocked I walked 2 miles to the train station lugging a heavy bag. I think once this lockdown is over in Boston I might start walking to the train station every weekday morning.

Right on man.

Something I might suggest, create a checklist to keep yourself on track. Do this not only for your exercise, but also in looking for a new job. Give yourself a realistic deadline on when you'd like to be out of there, in the meantime schedule out a chunk of time each day (or every other day) to actively pursue employment alternatives.

I used to run a lot (I quit for various tangential reasons I won't get into here) but after I did it for a while, it just became second nature, and I got to the point where I'd feel worse overall when I didn't go. Stick with that walking for a few weeks and you'll undoubtedly experience something similar. At the same time, make some small changes to your diet for added progress.

 

[RionaaM]

All of this discussion going on is really inspiring and interesting. Too bad I am too sleep deprived to participate (not depression related, but I do have a bad habit of never sleeping right, which can contribute to messed up moods and probably heavy motivation issues). @__@

Anyway, I was waiting around in a mall food court by myself to meet up with my sister and while reading the thread and thinking of the different inspiring songs posted, and inspired by Oomi's writing I got a peek of and the general experiences and members posting in this thread... I decided to use that time to type out a poem/song while on my cellphone!

So uhm.. I am still sleep deprived and still typing on my phone while waiting for my sibs to finish buying stuff, so maybe it's not as good as I think it is.. And it's kind if life-affirming-cheesy, because that's the kind of stuff I like plus mmmmmmetaphors..! So uhhhhhhh whatever! XD Hopefully you can relate to at least a few lines, whether you have mental health issues or not.



Enjoy the small moments in life that allow you to be creative and contribute a part of yourself to. It could be art, writing, volunteering, talking to others... Anything that makes you feel you are a participant of your own life. Being able to participate together like this, like in this thread, is also cool and significant, so I hope none of you downplay that.

I will post again later when more energy and more coherence is in head lol.

This is beautiful Prax, it really is. If I were a better bassist I'd love to add music to it. Sadly I'm not, so someone more talented than me will have to do it.

If you have written something more you'd like to share here, please do. I enjoy reading your poems.

 

[neojubei]

Good things come to those who wait. Once you determine yourself to life goals, the significant other and kids will come. I'm glad you're looking a little more positively at things now.

I don't believe anybody who thinks they have an awful personality actually has an awful personality. Someone with an awful personality wouldn't care about having that personality.

What's the one thing you like?

I like guys but guys don't like me. I'm fat ugly short and have a horrible personality.

 

[Collete]

Awesome stuff as always, oomi! And INCREDIBLE song choice. Remember to tell Pau that that's the BEST Queen song! FACT.

Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Did I just read that the best Queen song is anything different than "I want to break free"?


And yes, this post:is awesome. I really like this attitude, this is the Oomi I wanna see

Compliments...Does not compute.

I suppose i will get back into the weight loss thing again. Seeing my friend lose so much weight was so shocking. I do not think i can do it myself. From an XXL shirt to M size is just remarkable. Actually today before I knew the events happening last night I went to the bus stop as I usually do to go to work. There was a crowd there which was weird since they take the earlier bus. A bus came but told everyone the buses were shut down. Unbeknownst to us we thought something was wrong with the buses so we walked to the train station. I am shocked I walked 2 miles to the train station lugging a heavy bag. I think once this lockdown is over in Boston I might start walking to the train station every weekday morning.

I'm not really feeling any better from yesterday. I still have huge doubts I can make any change in myself. I know I must change my job, the stress level is just too much and change my weight as well. I'm afraid I'll put myself in a job with no health benefits or even worse than my current job. I still hate this world and wish I wasn't living it. I have nothing to live for. I think that thought really just brings me down and i cannot change that because it is the truth. I have no kids and I hate my family and I have no significant other. So whats the point?

I have no hobbies no goals in life. The one thing I like I cannot have so I've gotten use to that. My personality is awful and I have nothing to strive for in life. So what I am saying even if I try to change what's the point?

You did that? Heck I can't even do that, and I have no muscles at all. I would fall over even after a few feet hah. Good work, man! Think of it as a mini work out that will help shape ya up!

We all have doubts about what we want to change or do in our life. The question is, do we let that fear paralyze us or do small steps to change those doubts? You work at a call center correct? What I understand, there's little to no physical activity with that job. I can't imagine anything worse of a job than the one you're at. Heck if you take a job as a manager in the back rooms of Target, it has it's own cons but you're still doing something else than doing the job you're currently at. I guess my point is, anything but your current job seems better for your health.

If you try, you have nothing to lose. Potential of seeing the world differently than the one job you're at right now and meeting different people at your new job. As I said, anything is better than the job you're at right now.

Honestly this post of yours seems different. You acknowledge that you need to change and things you already done...I think it's nice and I applaud you for this post....So good for you jubei. Proud of you, yet again.

 

[dutchguyjack]

I like guys but guys don't like me. I'm fat ugly short and have a horrible personality.

Your friend likes you. People on Gaf like you. If you had a horrible personality that wouldn't be the case. You're also doing something about the fat bit, so that will work out too. Guys will like you once you like yourself.

 

[Flo]

Thanks for the recommendation, the contents look like it's exactly something that I need; I'm victim to most of those lifetraps there. Gonna look for a copy at my regular bookstore on Sunday.

Cool! Reading some of the stories in there really helped understand my own feelings better, very recognisable. There are also easy tips and steps you can take. I'm trying to find my copy, but I think I lend it to someone, just can't remember who unfortunately.

 

[Collete]

Quote I think most of you recognize, but thought might be nice:

Test subject is abnormally stubborn. She never gives up. Ever.

 

[NeOak]

Quote I think most of you recognize, but thought might be nice:

I heard the cake is delicious!

 

[scar tissue]

Well hello folks. If anyone cares, I'm back after my requested timeban.
Hope everyone is well (ha ha, good one, huh?) in the new thread.

The good news is, I passed my exams, which were the cause for the ban.
The bad news is, I'm more stressed out than I have ever been. Little sleep, a huge workload and lots of social stress. I've got more exams, presentations and essays coming up, have lots of cute girls in my working groups at university (maybe it's just me, but being the only guy in a 5-8 person group puts a bit of pressure on you) and it's only going to become worse in the next two and a half months. My body is ready for three months of not doing any work or even talking to anyone, i.e. summer.
So things aren't going too bad, by my standards. Shit's still supremely fucked up by normal standards. I'm still extremely nervous and unable to concentrate well, and the avoidance patterns typical for avoidant personality disorder try to force their way through. I guess that's where Oomi's quote rings true: I'm just stubborn as fuck, which, together with my good short-term memory, is my foremost redeeming quality. Somehow, I always manage to get by, however barely.

Well then. I'm going to cut back on my posting activity, possibly ceasing to post altogether. While the previous thread has certainly been very helpful, I don't think actively posting in any forum ever has done me a lot of favors at the end of the day. I mostly post when I'm in an aggressive mood, and leave behind incoherent, rambling posts that I'm ashamed of when I return back to "normal".
I'll probably stick around for a few more posts though.

Thanks to Bagels, Prax and all the others who offered helpful advice.

 

[isny]

Wanting to cry often/all of the time and no way to resolve the reason for wanting to cry. Any advice as to what to do to stop feeling so sad so often? Pills?

 

[scar tissue]

Wanting to cry often/all of the time and no way to resolve the reason for wanting to cry. Any advice as to what to do to stop feeling so sad so often? Pills?

Not being able to get an erection made me a lot unhappier than I was without pills. In addition to feeling like a worthless sack of shit, I felt like I wasn't even a man. I tried more than one medication. All of them had similar effects, i.e. limp dick syndrome, with a side dish of nightmares and insomnia. Fun.

I'd only recommend pills if a) your job/studies are danger or b) you are suicidal. As long as your life still works on a fundamental level, i.e. you have some kind of day-to-day routine and aren't acutely suicidal, I wouldn't touch antidepressants.

Note: Advice based on personal experience only. YMMV.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

I've been on several and not have had any bothersome sexual side effects.
It depends on the drug, mechanism of action and your body's own reaction, so really talk to a psychiatrist.

These drugs already have lots of myths and mysteries around them, no need to stigmatize them more and have helped many people. It's okay to tell us a personal experience but I'm kinda tired of people going "stay away".

I've been on 20mg on paxil (increased from 10 last week) and have felt way better then when I wasn't taking anything.

 

[Smiley90]

Wanting to cry often/all of the time and no way to resolve the reason for wanting to cry. Any advice as to what to do to stop feeling so sad so often? Pills?

"I am sad, will pills make me stop feeling sad?"

The answer is no. They might help you get over whatever is making you sad better, but pills themselves aren't a miracle-thing... And should better be used as a final-resort thing in addition to other forms of therapy.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Crying spells can be a brain chemistry thing too. I know when I was off meds, I did have those often.

Pills won't change you psychology (negative thoughts, behaviors, some anxiety) but it can help.

 

[isny]

"I am sad, will pills make me stop feeling sad?"

The answer is no. They might help you get over whatever is making you sad better, but pills themselves aren't a miracle-thing... And should better be used as a final-resort thing in addition to other forms of therapy.

Crying spells can be a brain chemistry thing too. I know when I was off meds, I did have those often.

Pills won't change you psychology (negative thoughts, behaviors, some anxiety) but it can help.

Thanks.

 

[neojubei]

Your friend likes you. People on Gaf like you. If you had a horrible personality that wouldn't be the case. You're also doing something about the fat bit, so that will work out too. Guys will like you once you like yourself.

That's another issue i have i totally hate myself. I will always put myself down. sucks but its how i feel constantly.

 

[Daingurse]

Crying spells can be a brain chemistry thing too. I know when I was off meds, I did have those often.

Pills won't change you psychology (negative thoughts, behaviors, some anxiety) but it can help

Yes this can't be stressed enough. Seek some kind of therapy, you're just one relapse away from disaster. That's always been my issue.

 

[Verbal Intercourse]

I don't understand why this hospital's treatment team set me up with a hypnotherapist. The psychiatrist at the hospital also works in the same building as the hypnotherapist so that's my cynical guess.

Such nonsense. A hypnotherapist who doesn't believe in judgment--how convenient. Guess that means you can't be criticized either or held to any sort of standard. Don't see how you're human either: without preference, taste, opinion, living in a world of grey.

Nearing that "fuck it" mentality--hopefully I can channel that into the courageous kind.

 

[Collete]

Well hello folks. If anyone cares, I'm back after my requested timeban.
Hope everyone is well (ha ha, good one, huh?) in the new thread.

The good news is, I passed my exams, which were the cause for the ban.
The bad news is, I'm more stressed out than I have ever been. Little sleep, a huge workload and lots of social stress. I've got more exams, presentations and essays coming up, have lots of cute girls in my working groups at university (maybe it's just me, but being the only guy in a 5-8 person group puts a bit of pressure on you) and it's only going to become worse in the next two and a half months. My body is ready for three months of not doing any work or even talking to anyone, i.e. summer.
So things aren't going too bad, by my standards. Shit's still supremely fucked up by normal standards. I'm still extremely nervous and unable to concentrate well, and the avoidance patterns typical for avoidant personality disorder try to force their way through. I guess that's where Oomi's quote rings true: I'm just stubborn as fuck, which, together with my good short-term memory, is my foremost redeeming quality. Somehow, I always manage to get by, however barely.

Well then. I'm going to cut back on my posting activity, possibly ceasing to post altogether. While the previous thread has certainly been very helpful, I don't think actively posting in any forum ever has done me a lot of favors at the end of the day. I mostly post when I'm in an aggressive mood, and leave behind incoherent, rambling posts that I'm ashamed of when I return back to "normal".
I'll probably stick around for a few more posts though.

Thanks to Bagels, Prax and all the others who offered helpful advice.

Wait which quote?
(Edit: oh derp. right. found it never mind)
But I'm glad to see you're alive and kicking, was worried where you've gone.
Still if you ever need us, you know where to find us, scar.
Also make sure to use the contact list that's been stated in the OP if you ever need to.

I heard the cake is delicious!

It was...I gained 5 pounds after eating that whole damn cake...

 

[RionaaM]

Quote I think most of you recognize, but thought might be nice:

I had to google this quote. Which Portal does it belong to? I don't remember it at all, and I'm a fan of that series.

 

[Collete]

I had to google this quote. Which Portal does it belong to? I don't remember it at all, and I'm a fan of that series.

Don't google, it ruins the mystery of my "wisdom" I have!

Spoiler

I don't care...kind of...<_<

It's actually a spoiler to the series, kind of but...:

Spoiler

It's actually an official Valve comic I believe released after the first Portal came out. After Chell failed to escape Aperture Laboratories, they put her back into her cell. It followed the scientist I think that basically preserved Chell in a time capsule. The scientist finally rested himself, and in the last panel of the comic, there were papers flying everywhere and one of them said that quote I said...It leaves a hopeful ring for the sequel, no?

 

[NeOak]

It was...I gained 5 pounds after eating that whole damn cake...

D: nuuuuu why didn't you share?

 

[Collete]

D: nuuuuu why didn't you share?

Because it was delicious and moist...and cost me 20 freaking dollars D:. Really expensive cake!

 

[NeOak]

Because it was delicious and moist...and cost me 20 freaking dollars D:. Really expensive cake!

Q.Q

Spoiler

i would have payed half?

 

[Collete]

Q.Q

Spoiler

i would have payed half?

That would have been good!...Really need to go back to Whole Foods again...The problem is you have to eat the cake right at the store, because they keep the temperature just right before it gets too stale or too soft to eat. Fridge is either too cold or too warm to keep the cake preserved right.

That's another issue i have i totally hate myself. I will always put myself down. sucks but its how i feel constantly.

I'm glad you at least acknowledge it.
It's a step. Good job.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Because it was delicious and moist...and cost me 20 freaking dollars D:. Really expensive cake!

20 dollars, but I wanted a peanut.....oh this isn't the Simpson's thread
My mistake.

 

[NeOak]

That would have been good!...Really need to go back to Whole Foods again...The problem is you have to eat the cake right at the store, because they keep the temperature just right before it gets too stale or too soft to eat. Fridge is either too cold or too warm to keep the cake preserved right.

Hmm, i guess i'll go to the one on the Westhimer then and check the cakes.

 

[Collete]

20 dollars, but I wanted a peanut.....oh this isn't the Simpson's thread
My mistake.

Black Magic Cake is superior to any nut.

Spoiler

I didn't get the Simpson's reference D:

Hmm, i guess i'll go to the one on the Westhimer then and check the cakes.

It's the Black Magic Cake if you can find it. They come in slices as well. Thank me later.

 

[neojubei]

Removed

 

[Collete]

I can't do this...What am I thinking........

 

[NeOak]

I can't do this...What am I thinking........

Yes you can. Otherwise you won't be able to eat that cake!

Don't think that you can't. Think that you CAN!

 

[Collete]

Yes you can. Otherwise you won't be able to eat that cake!

Don't think that you can't. Think that you CAN!

Screw the cake, it'll get me fat anyways...

If I think I can, I'll just be disappointed in myself when it'll be a failure...

 

[NeOak]

Screw the cake, it'll get me fat anyways...

If I think I can, I'll just be disappointed in myself when it'll be a favor...

That's what a workout is for! so you can sin a bit with cake!

And well, you can't give up. You have to try and do your best with positive thoughts that its going to work.

 

[smokeandmirrors]

Found a picture from my senior year of high school. Damn I really let myself go

Also I've been off my zoloft medication now. Did it over time and didn't just abruptly quit it. I still occasionally feel jittery at random times but other than that I actually feel pretty good. Better than I can remember. I feel like I can focus better and I feel like I can remember things slightly better. I only notice myself get kind of jittery the more tired I am, and the severity of it has gone down considerably over the past week.