Collete
Member
i can barely walk more than 50 feet without a depressional melt down...
I don't have any positive thoughts now...
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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i can barely walk more than 50 feet without a depressional melt down...
I don't have any positive thoughts now...
Prax
Member
I know fear of disappointment and failure stops me from doing a lot of things too, but you can't let it crush your hopes and dreams.
It's okay to be scared of those things, I think. It's courageous if you manage to make small steps toward the future you want despite having those fears. You can do it! And you have been doing it in various ways for most of your life already, even if you don't feel it.
I think I tend to downplay everything I do in life because I compare myself to what I think is the norm too often. I've been trying to think from a different perspective more and more to feel like it's okay to be alive and living the way I am. I think as a result of being less judgmental about myself, I've also become much more compassionate and less judgmental of other people as well, which I'll chalk up as a good thing.
As for body image issues, which I usually don't talk about personally because I am sure I have some, lol, I recently bought some workout clothes and have yet to get them on and get down some sort of health/workout routine. Maybe after this weekend I'll start! I hope! And just by writing it down like this, I think it will spur me to get on it more.
My day began with crying, so I feel ya.
TetraxShards
Member
Hey, Mental Health GAF.
I have struggled with a lot of things for the past number of years. I've battled with depression and anxiety and I've also got Asperger's.
Things have been a lot better the last two years. I'm just finishing a college course and hope to go to a university/IT next. I've met great friends. I have my own place. I don't hate my family or anything, it's just I've reached the age where moving out is beneficial. I'm off the meds apart from a Zispin at night (I hate the craving for food, but nothing else works as well).
I don't have all the answers or anything. Certain things worked for me. I do think staying in bed is your worst enemy. It can be the hardest thing in the world to get up for me sometimes, but I try and do it. And if I can't the odd day, I don't get too beat up over it. And talking always helps. I'm lucky to have really supportive parents, but third parties like doctors can be good because they are impartial, at least the good ones are.
I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is hope. For those of who you are struggling, I'm not a religious person so I don't really believe in prayer, but I have faith that things will get better. I've seen the bad and the good, and the good is worth grabbing and holding on for dear life for.
Stay safe, GAF.
I have struggled with a lot of things for the past number of years. I've battled with depression and anxiety and I've also got Asperger's.
Things have been a lot better the last two years. I'm just finishing a college course and hope to go to a university/IT next. I've met great friends. I have my own place. I don't hate my family or anything, it's just I've reached the age where moving out is beneficial. I'm off the meds apart from a Zispin at night (I hate the craving for food, but nothing else works as well).
I don't have all the answers or anything. Certain things worked for me. I do think staying in bed is your worst enemy. It can be the hardest thing in the world to get up for me sometimes, but I try and do it. And if I can't the odd day, I don't get too beat up over it. And talking always helps. I'm lucky to have really supportive parents, but third parties like doctors can be good because they are impartial, at least the good ones are.
I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is hope. For those of who you are struggling, I'm not a religious person so I don't really believe in prayer, but I have faith that things will get better. I've seen the bad and the good, and the good is worth grabbing and holding on for dear life for.
Stay safe, GAF.
How do you deal with feeling like an outsider everywhere you go? I was out with a friend and some of his friends and they were talking all night while I was pretty quiet. I do my best to fight my loneliness by going out but most of the time it makes me feel even lonier. It's like I don't belong anywhere.
I started taking medication again last week, hope it desensitizes me a bit so I can finally start to focus on my personal goals.
I started taking medication again last week, hope it desensitizes me a bit so I can finally start to focus on my personal goals.
Oh yes, yes it does. And thanks, I had downloaded the comics (they are free, after all) but never read them, as I totally forgot that they existed.
That quote is great Oomi, thanks for sharing it. "I. Am. Not. A. Moron!" Amazing game, gotta replay it soon.
scar tissue
Banned
Thanks, I appreciate that.
I still read GAF on my daily commute, so I'll continue to watch over you folks.
I just won't be actively participating a lot. If anything changes, for better or for worse, I'll pop in for a short update, I guess.
That has happened to me, but what you can do is to write down a series of topics that you know and that may hold their interest, like gay issues, what may happen to earth, I don't know, there are lots of them and remember them when you are with friends.
I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't give me strange looks when I bring up topics that interest me (jazz, science, philosophical topics etc). People were talking about pop music and funny youtube videos yesterday.
I should stop hanging out with gay people.
Collete
Member
You're welcome.
That's nice of you.
All right, whatever helps.
One of those days where you're emotionally gone from this world...Yeah...
Hey guys, I'm not a regular here... more of an occasional lurker, but felt the need to post in here. I'm 33 and have been seeing therapists and psychiatrists since age 12. I've been through so many meds over that time that I can't even remember all of the names. Been hospitalized inpatient and outpatient numerous times in my late teens and early 20's. I've been diagnosed with depression, Bipolar 1, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety, and Bipolar II with rapid cycling. I'm not sure what my current psych diagnoses me as, but my previous 2 have flat out said I'm bipolar II. Life has been an interesting ride- a crazy mix of bliss and nightmares. I've never been able to maintain long-term friendships besides a few who understand that there's something wrong with me, I've ruined my relationship with my family, been through serious bouts with drug and alcohol addiction, failed out of 3 colleges, couldn't maintain jobs for long periods, massive weight loss and weight gain, etc...
Last November, my life changed in a pretty big way. My psych put me on Remeron in addition to the massive cocktail of meds I was already on- Lamictal, Depakote, Wellbutrin, and Valium. I'd been on Remeron before but this time in combination with the other meds, it completely changed things. I'm able to fall asleep at a decent hour every night, I am more relaxed during the day, and I just feel mentally "smoother" in general. I still have some leftover issues from dealing with my earlier life but I'm getting it together.
I still have one problem that bothers me, but it's minor in comparison to the problems I had before so I just try to tough it out- My psych calls it "flooding" and my old therapist said it sounds like "mini panic attacks." I'll just be minding my own business and all of the sudden my mind gets hit with a quick jarring flash of a traumatic thought and I have to make some type of physical movement (usually a quick shrug of my shoulders) or make a sound to get it out of my head. If anyone here is familiar with what I'm talking about, I'd appreciate a little help in knowing more about it. I've been through CBT, btw.
I know how rough depression can be, the despair and helplessness. I know what being suicidal feels like. I know what its like to be out of control, off the wall. It's not fun. You want to feel normal but can't. Your friends don't understand you, your family doesn't understand you.
There are surely people here who can help out better than I can, but I have been through a lot over the years and if anyone wants to talk or learn more, I'm all ears. I'll bookmark this thread.
Last November, my life changed in a pretty big way. My psych put me on Remeron in addition to the massive cocktail of meds I was already on- Lamictal, Depakote, Wellbutrin, and Valium. I'd been on Remeron before but this time in combination with the other meds, it completely changed things. I'm able to fall asleep at a decent hour every night, I am more relaxed during the day, and I just feel mentally "smoother" in general. I still have some leftover issues from dealing with my earlier life but I'm getting it together.
I still have one problem that bothers me, but it's minor in comparison to the problems I had before so I just try to tough it out- My psych calls it "flooding" and my old therapist said it sounds like "mini panic attacks." I'll just be minding my own business and all of the sudden my mind gets hit with a quick jarring flash of a traumatic thought and I have to make some type of physical movement (usually a quick shrug of my shoulders) or make a sound to get it out of my head. If anyone here is familiar with what I'm talking about, I'd appreciate a little help in knowing more about it. I've been through CBT, btw.
I know how rough depression can be, the despair and helplessness. I know what being suicidal feels like. I know what its like to be out of control, off the wall. It's not fun. You want to feel normal but can't. Your friends don't understand you, your family doesn't understand you.
There are surely people here who can help out better than I can, but I have been through a lot over the years and if anyone wants to talk or learn more, I'm all ears. I'll bookmark this thread.
Are those traumatic thoughts based on something that happened? Or is it like something random?
Quick flashes of traumatic memories, but they are random in that I'm not thinking about anything related at the time. They just come out of nowhere.
SniperHunter
Banned
excellent! Keep it up guys! Go at least 5 times a week, every week, don't give up. It will make a huge difference sooner or later.
EDit: also read two books on coconut oil, it seems really beneficial, you guys should look into it.
Tried to sign up with okcupid and after looking at so many profiles I now know I am a total ugly loser. So I deleted the account. I'm canceling my appointment because I think my therapist has had it with me and really I just can't anymore. Been looking up suicide methods at work today. If I am going to do this I better not have second thoughts. I also read some stories about jumpers who survived too. Doesn't help at all. I was going to order a suicide kit online but it isn't available anymore online.
Verbal Intercourse
Banned
If something works via placebo effect, and you are aware of this, does that negate the placebo effect?
I'm willing to go through some hypnotherapy, which I regard as bullshit, just to expedite obtaining the readmission requirements for my return to school.
I'm willing to go through some hypnotherapy, which I regard as bullshit, just to expedite obtaining the readmission requirements for my return to school.
Counter-intuitively, no. The placebo affect still works, even if you're aware of it. I'm too lazy to dig it up right now, but there were studies done on it.
Verbal Intercourse
Banned
That's pretty funny. Was it that meta-study from a year ago where a scientist proposed that for a lot of people the benefit of anti-depressants were achieved through the placebo effect? He definitely advised against discontinuing the medication even if one knows this information, and might have said how it still works anyway. There was a segment about it on 60 Minutes.
Have you thought of seeing a different therapist? Sometimes changing that can be a good thing. I've had some really awful therapists and some amazing therapists. Don't kill yourself, there is hope even if you don't see it.
innervision961
Member
I don't know if this has been discussed at any length in this thread, but for all my brothers and sisters who suffer from anxiety and panic disorders, or even depression, when those obtrusive thoughts rear their ugly heads, as they always do, try this;
* Don't lend any credence to those thoughts, assigning an emotion to a thought is a sure fire way to keep it around and make it harder to beat. Fear is a strong emotional response, and should you assign a wave of fear to a bad thought or mental image, its sure to be that much bigger of a monster.
which brings me to the next thing...
* Observe or listen to your thought processes as if you were a third party. This sounds strange but let those thoughts run their course, examine them as if you were a doctor listening to a patient, you will soon see a very interesting pattern.
which brings me to my final point...
* If you are like me, you will soon notice that a lot of your fears and anxieties share a common theme/s, they all start with something like "WHAT IF....". Listen for these what ifs. "What if I went crazy" or "What if I can't control these thoughts this time" or "What if I upset others or hurt others because of my anxiety?".
Always remind yourself that "what ifs" aren't real, you could just as easily say "What if I were a purple alligator shooting darts", doesn't mean its true or that it ever will be. And keep in mind that this will pass. It always does. Not every day is bad all day long all the time. You will hit a peak and you will hit a valley and a lot of time will be spent somewhere in between.
As corny as this sounds, I love you as a human! If you are dealing with or even know someone who is dealing with these problems, you have my love and respect. I'm there with you, fighting this fight. So don't give up, its worth it!
(sorry for grammar/formatting)
* Don't lend any credence to those thoughts, assigning an emotion to a thought is a sure fire way to keep it around and make it harder to beat. Fear is a strong emotional response, and should you assign a wave of fear to a bad thought or mental image, its sure to be that much bigger of a monster.
which brings me to the next thing...
* Observe or listen to your thought processes as if you were a third party. This sounds strange but let those thoughts run their course, examine them as if you were a doctor listening to a patient, you will soon see a very interesting pattern.
which brings me to my final point...
* If you are like me, you will soon notice that a lot of your fears and anxieties share a common theme/s, they all start with something like "WHAT IF....". Listen for these what ifs. "What if I went crazy" or "What if I can't control these thoughts this time" or "What if I upset others or hurt others because of my anxiety?".
Always remind yourself that "what ifs" aren't real, you could just as easily say "What if I were a purple alligator shooting darts", doesn't mean its true or that it ever will be. And keep in mind that this will pass. It always does. Not every day is bad all day long all the time. You will hit a peak and you will hit a valley and a lot of time will be spent somewhere in between.
As corny as this sounds, I love you as a human! If you are dealing with or even know someone who is dealing with these problems, you have my love and respect. I'm there with you, fighting this fight. So don't give up, its worth it!
(sorry for grammar/formatting)
Collete
Member
Yeah, but I already know why. What to do about it? I would like to know...
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Listen to some relaxing music?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp0xjVzmKxY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp0xjVzmKxY
User 100115
Banned
I have no problems with paranoia except when it comes to my children. A bit overprotective there. But I've also been accused of being TOO trusting in my general life as well. :/
As for what you can do for it? I really don't know. Other than to try not to think about it, of course. Which is my goto solve for all mental health related issues :/
I get paranoid about absolutely stupid things. I hate the fact that I know it's incredibly stupid yet it scares me so much.
User 100115
Banned
Maybe talking about these stupid things here or write them down? I've had really horrifying dreams before that unsettled me so much that I couldn't go back to sleep. Talking about them or writing them down helped put them in context; you can realize even more how ridiculous it is to be afraid of those things and kinda have a laugh at yourself. Maybe.
These days, it's almost everything. I'll give a tourist some directions, and be terrified that if something happens to them I'll get blamed. I pick up a magazine in a lobby, and if it has a rip I'll be terrified that people will think I ripped it. I know how stupid it is to be worrying about a magazine I picked up a month ago, but... I picked up a magazine a month ago and still worry about it. This isn't something that should keep me up at night.
So many example, I could fill up books and books of stuff I'm worried about right now. Funnily enough, it's never about "serious" stuff. I have exams now, ect and none of that gets to me. I know my OCD isn't helping since I really have a hard time getting things out of my head, but since I know it's stupid I get upset at myself that I let it get to me.
Hi everyone,
This is a weird first post. I've been a lurker on GAF for a number of years, mainly to keep up with movie-news and stuff like that, and I've been following the Depression-threads for some time too. Made an acount some months ago to participate in the old Depression thread, but nothing ever came of it. Here I go I guess.
I'll try to keep my story short, as I imagine it'll be similar to other stories in this thread. I'm a 25-year old guy, currently trying to get my Master's degree. I've been suffering from depression for a long time. I can even remember frequently fantasising about running away as a kid, and as a teen that grew into more worrying thoughts. Always felt out of place, like I didn't really belong anywhere. Stuck in my own head, you might call it. All in all, my childhood and high school period were happy enough, life was easy, didn't have to worry about anything, made friends, even got a long-term girlfriend late in highschool. The future seemed far away, and it felt like it would sort itself out. I never gave it much thought, beyond 'It'd be cool to make movies/write books someday, but that'll never happen'. Towards the end of higschool things started to change. I lost that girlfriend I dated for multiple years (which was fine actually), suddenly had to start thinking about an academic career without any idea of what I wanted to do, and worst of all, I got into an accident which severely damaged my face. It has healed, up to a certain point, but my face is pretty much permanently unhealthly looking, full of scars and stuff like that. A big blow for someone who already has very low self-esteem.
I chose a study and a university without really knowing what I chose. I never really took it seriously. At the beginning I knew I had to force myself out to go on as many excursions and parties as I could to beat my insecurities, and it sort of worked, for a while. But I kept feeling out of place, in over my head. My depression grew, and I got very low at a certain point. Skipping a couple of years for the sake of this post, I discovered drugs (which are legal where I'm from), and it ruined my life. I locked myself in, happy with not having to face reality. Absorbed thousands of dumb tv-shows/movies/games/books. I socialized less and less, and my social skills decreased. I got to a point where I would just stay in bed for days on end, hating myself. It's hard to describe, but it got bad.
Anyway, some time ago I realized I was wasting my life, and if I didn't take action all my fears of ending up alone and worthless would come true. I quit the drugs and managed to get my bachelor's degree almost 2 years back. For a while, things seemed better. I thought that maybe it'd be a new start. But a couple of weeks in I started getting back into old habits. Not drugs, but staying inside, getting way too absorbed in fictional worlds, constantly questioning myself in my own head. Socializing is extremely difficult for me. I always feel like a weirdo, like no one can possibly think anything positive about me. And, of course, that leads to me acting like a total fucking weirdo. I still have some friends left. Not a lot, but there are still people who are out there who will respond when I invite them to do something. I just can't seem to get over this barrier. I'm finally, after years of misery, at a point where I feel like I'm ready to start living my life, but the way in which I completely wasted my university career makes it feel like I irreversibly fucked myself over. The deadline for my thesis is fast approaching, and there's a lot left to do, giving me a lot of stress. And I can't see anything good happening after that. There aren't a lot of jobs in my field (a lot of people who graduated a year or more ago are still looking for a job), I'm frankly not that enthusiastic about my field, and I feel like I'm completely unfit for the job market. Even apart from my complete lack of social skills, during my academic career I basically lived from exam to exam, only doing what was needed not to get kicked out of university. I don't feel like I learned any real skills. It's something that's bouncing around in my head 24/7.
Apart from that, yeah, I also feel like I wasted my time in terms of social skills. I see people moving in together, settling in their new adult lives. I just feel like I'm so far behind everyone else, and I missed every opportunity I had to make something of myself. I'm fairly certain that the closest relationship to someone I'll ever have is 'somebody's weird, ugly friend they see once a month'. It's driving me insane.
TL;DR: Socially awkward ex-junkie wasted his life, thanks to his own stupid mistakes and can't really see a way out. Discuss.
Edit; Reading that back, that might have ended on a note that's too depressing. I have to add that things are far better now than they were only a couple of years ago, but I still have a long way to go. There are good moments too now, and I even have some hope sometimes. It's just that I can feel the walls closing in on me, and there isn't a single moment in the day were I can just stop worrying about how messed up my life is. When I'm with other people, all I can think about is how I want to leave. I'm aware of every movement, every thing I say, and because I can't relax I can't act like a normal person anymore. Before I go out to meet someone, I can literally spend hours staring in the mirror, contemplating how ugly I am and how I want to call it off. Also, I can't enjoy myself on my own anymore. Experiencing all these movies and things without drugs made me realise how much of a waste of time it is, and how I should be spending my time with other people, enjoying life, maybe even fall in love again. It's just that I can't seem to see myself as a person who's capable of that anymore. I feel like I broke something that can't be fixed.
That's the biggest problem I'm facing now, and some tips to get help me relax and enjoy myself outside of studies would be welcome. I know what I have to do to get my degree, and I'm focusing on that, I don't think anyone here can help me with that. I guess I should try to get in shape more. I'm your typical skinny, pale, always-indoors nerd. I'm way to awkward to try and go to a gym or even go running outside. This social akwardness is something I need to overcome. I also need to find a way to look more healthy, even with the scars in my face. I don't really think there's a way to achieve that though.
Anyway, I'll cut it off here. Thanks for your attention.
This is a weird first post. I've been a lurker on GAF for a number of years, mainly to keep up with movie-news and stuff like that, and I've been following the Depression-threads for some time too. Made an acount some months ago to participate in the old Depression thread, but nothing ever came of it. Here I go I guess.
I'll try to keep my story short, as I imagine it'll be similar to other stories in this thread. I'm a 25-year old guy, currently trying to get my Master's degree. I've been suffering from depression for a long time. I can even remember frequently fantasising about running away as a kid, and as a teen that grew into more worrying thoughts. Always felt out of place, like I didn't really belong anywhere. Stuck in my own head, you might call it. All in all, my childhood and high school period were happy enough, life was easy, didn't have to worry about anything, made friends, even got a long-term girlfriend late in highschool. The future seemed far away, and it felt like it would sort itself out. I never gave it much thought, beyond 'It'd be cool to make movies/write books someday, but that'll never happen'. Towards the end of higschool things started to change. I lost that girlfriend I dated for multiple years (which was fine actually), suddenly had to start thinking about an academic career without any idea of what I wanted to do, and worst of all, I got into an accident which severely damaged my face. It has healed, up to a certain point, but my face is pretty much permanently unhealthly looking, full of scars and stuff like that. A big blow for someone who already has very low self-esteem.
I chose a study and a university without really knowing what I chose. I never really took it seriously. At the beginning I knew I had to force myself out to go on as many excursions and parties as I could to beat my insecurities, and it sort of worked, for a while. But I kept feeling out of place, in over my head. My depression grew, and I got very low at a certain point. Skipping a couple of years for the sake of this post, I discovered drugs (which are legal where I'm from), and it ruined my life. I locked myself in, happy with not having to face reality. Absorbed thousands of dumb tv-shows/movies/games/books. I socialized less and less, and my social skills decreased. I got to a point where I would just stay in bed for days on end, hating myself. It's hard to describe, but it got bad.
Anyway, some time ago I realized I was wasting my life, and if I didn't take action all my fears of ending up alone and worthless would come true. I quit the drugs and managed to get my bachelor's degree almost 2 years back. For a while, things seemed better. I thought that maybe it'd be a new start. But a couple of weeks in I started getting back into old habits. Not drugs, but staying inside, getting way too absorbed in fictional worlds, constantly questioning myself in my own head. Socializing is extremely difficult for me. I always feel like a weirdo, like no one can possibly think anything positive about me. And, of course, that leads to me acting like a total fucking weirdo. I still have some friends left. Not a lot, but there are still people who are out there who will respond when I invite them to do something. I just can't seem to get over this barrier. I'm finally, after years of misery, at a point where I feel like I'm ready to start living my life, but the way in which I completely wasted my university career makes it feel like I irreversibly fucked myself over. The deadline for my thesis is fast approaching, and there's a lot left to do, giving me a lot of stress. And I can't see anything good happening after that. There aren't a lot of jobs in my field (a lot of people who graduated a year or more ago are still looking for a job), I'm frankly not that enthusiastic about my field, and I feel like I'm completely unfit for the job market. Even apart from my complete lack of social skills, during my academic career I basically lived from exam to exam, only doing what was needed not to get kicked out of university. I don't feel like I learned any real skills. It's something that's bouncing around in my head 24/7.
Apart from that, yeah, I also feel like I wasted my time in terms of social skills. I see people moving in together, settling in their new adult lives. I just feel like I'm so far behind everyone else, and I missed every opportunity I had to make something of myself. I'm fairly certain that the closest relationship to someone I'll ever have is 'somebody's weird, ugly friend they see once a month'. It's driving me insane.
TL;DR: Socially awkward ex-junkie wasted his life, thanks to his own stupid mistakes and can't really see a way out. Discuss.
Edit; Reading that back, that might have ended on a note that's too depressing. I have to add that things are far better now than they were only a couple of years ago, but I still have a long way to go. There are good moments too now, and I even have some hope sometimes. It's just that I can feel the walls closing in on me, and there isn't a single moment in the day were I can just stop worrying about how messed up my life is. When I'm with other people, all I can think about is how I want to leave. I'm aware of every movement, every thing I say, and because I can't relax I can't act like a normal person anymore. Before I go out to meet someone, I can literally spend hours staring in the mirror, contemplating how ugly I am and how I want to call it off. Also, I can't enjoy myself on my own anymore. Experiencing all these movies and things without drugs made me realise how much of a waste of time it is, and how I should be spending my time with other people, enjoying life, maybe even fall in love again. It's just that I can't seem to see myself as a person who's capable of that anymore. I feel like I broke something that can't be fixed.
That's the biggest problem I'm facing now, and some tips to get help me relax and enjoy myself outside of studies would be welcome. I know what I have to do to get my degree, and I'm focusing on that, I don't think anyone here can help me with that. I guess I should try to get in shape more. I'm your typical skinny, pale, always-indoors nerd. I'm way to awkward to try and go to a gym or even go running outside. This social akwardness is something I need to overcome. I also need to find a way to look more healthy, even with the scars in my face. I don't really think there's a way to achieve that though.
Anyway, I'll cut it off here. Thanks for your attention.
i recently finished reading the night falls fast book, which is listed in the op and is definitely a great reccomendation.
it does a really good job of balancing clearly explained and convincingly well researched scientific stuff with personal stories. i definitely responded to the latter more - there's an essay about the life of someone who committed suicide at the end of every section which are all amazing - but having the clear link between mental illness and suicidal feelings rammed constantly into my head was quite reassuring. there's also a little tidbit about how research has found that depressed people start the day at their lowest, which is why most suicides happen earlier in the day, before getting better as the day progressed, which i wrote down and pinned on the wall next to my bed to help me in the mornings. the best chapter however is the final one about how people left behind deal with suicide; i cried a lot.
fun coincidence, i finished reading it in the public library and on the way out i bumped into a man from the samaritans handling out pamphlets to try and educate people on the risks of suicide and have it discussed more in public, which made me very happy indeed.
it does a really good job of balancing clearly explained and convincingly well researched scientific stuff with personal stories. i definitely responded to the latter more - there's an essay about the life of someone who committed suicide at the end of every section which are all amazing - but having the clear link between mental illness and suicidal feelings rammed constantly into my head was quite reassuring. there's also a little tidbit about how research has found that depressed people start the day at their lowest, which is why most suicides happen earlier in the day, before getting better as the day progressed, which i wrote down and pinned on the wall next to my bed to help me in the mornings. the best chapter however is the final one about how people left behind deal with suicide; i cried a lot.
fun coincidence, i finished reading it in the public library and on the way out i bumped into a man from the samaritans handling out pamphlets to try and educate people on the risks of suicide and have it discussed more in public, which made me very happy indeed.
I need to think a bit more before responding, but thanks for sharing that!
I'm glad you read it and got something out of it! It's honestly one of the most moving, life-changing books I've ever read. If there was one book I'd have everyone in this thread read, that would be the one.
toadsworth
Banned
I haven't really been connecting with anyone lately, and it's entirely my own fault.
Over the next few weeks i'm going to try and actually listen to people and care about what they have to say. I've been consumed with my own selfish desires, without caring for those around me. Hopefully i can turn around this negative isolation i have put upon myself. Maybe I just need to meet some new people?
Over the next few weeks i'm going to try and actually listen to people and care about what they have to say. I've been consumed with my own selfish desires, without caring for those around me. Hopefully i can turn around this negative isolation i have put upon myself. Maybe I just need to meet some new people?
What happened?
The One Who Knocks
Member
I'm just curious, and I hope it would not be an area that you would be hesitant to talk about, what 'techniques' did you feel assisted you best in establishing social relations with others? A lot of the time I feel as if I have the 'theory' fine (I talk to a number of people I know very regularly fine on social networking sites for example) but in person I end up completely 'choking' in the situation which makes me more hesitant to approach again, almost trapping myself in a self-sustaining loop of awkwardness. While short conversations or asking questions are not too bad, sustaining conversations becomes quite problematic (I believe I come across as too stilted and formal which also may have an impact). Particularly, meeting those who I talk to outside of 'normal' times just alludes me. I don't know whether to just ask, barge myself in others' plans, wait until I'm asked or what to do. I was asked a small number of times but they were asked in what I thought was a 'joke-y' manner and became nervous about accepting (because I'd have no clue what to actually do since it's been so long meeting friends outside a structured time), ultimately declining. I really would appreciate any help/advice on how you've been successfully aproaching/sustaining conversations/etc. as how do to it successfully really is just alluding me which feeds into my future hesitation.
Also, apologies if this should be found in the 'relationships' thread (I'm unsure if there is one in all honestly but I vaguely recall one) but it's here mostly due to the relation to my query with regard to Asperger's as opposed to just general 'tips' which have so far been unsuccessful to apply for me so I'm hoping tips from another in a similar situation would be more beneficial.
I'm moving across the country (back home) from Massachusetts to Florida in a month before heading out to Colorado a couple of weeks later to work at a summer camp. This means I've got two big moves coming up and I'll be separated from my girlfriend until at least August.
I was doing okay until a few days ago. Since then I've been alternating between sad, scared, and panicked. I haven't had a full-blown panic episode in over a year but it's beginning to seem inevitable. I've had the precursor feelings creep up a couple of times and then subside when I take some extra Klonopin, plant myself down and don't move or just cry.
I'm really scared that I'm only going to get more and more unstable over the next few weeks. I have tons about both FL and CO that I'm really excited about but as soon as my perception changes and the world begins to bleed out they all go out the window.
The possibility of further instability and panic has me terrified. I know, I know, you shouldn't be scared of being scared because that makes it worse yadda yadda but how can I not think about it when I'm treading in a minefield?
The panic episodes I had in the past lasted 2-4 hours each. 2-4 hours of terror and my emotions suffocating me in certainty that everything, everything was completely meaningless and futile. It went so far beyond where I thought the bottom of the human emotional spectrum was that it blew my mind.
Blech. Not much anyone can do, but I had to vent somewhere. Love all of you.
I was doing okay until a few days ago. Since then I've been alternating between sad, scared, and panicked. I haven't had a full-blown panic episode in over a year but it's beginning to seem inevitable. I've had the precursor feelings creep up a couple of times and then subside when I take some extra Klonopin, plant myself down and don't move or just cry.
I'm really scared that I'm only going to get more and more unstable over the next few weeks. I have tons about both FL and CO that I'm really excited about but as soon as my perception changes and the world begins to bleed out they all go out the window.
The possibility of further instability and panic has me terrified. I know, I know, you shouldn't be scared of being scared because that makes it worse yadda yadda but how can I not think about it when I'm treading in a minefield?
The panic episodes I had in the past lasted 2-4 hours each. 2-4 hours of terror and my emotions suffocating me in certainty that everything, everything was completely meaningless and futile. It went so far beyond where I thought the bottom of the human emotional spectrum was that it blew my mind.
Blech. Not much anyone can do, but I had to vent somewhere. Love all of you.
I hope this is ultimately what you need, friend. I know that the camp means a lot to you and I'm so glad you have that to look forward to. I feel like it's going to be great for you!
Give me a call some time if you want to talk through your feelings. I know this has all been in the works for a while now, but it's a pretty big deal. It's going to take some time to make sense of everything you must be feeling. I'm heading out to dinner, but give me a call this evening. I'd love to catch up. Your support has meant the world to me and I'm always here to return the favor!
So it's been a bad couple of months. I've been struggling to find a job. Today even, I talked to someone in my field and they said it took two and a half years to get a job.
I'm almost certain I'll be back in school (again) next year. That means 5+ more years. I'll probably be 40 by the time I'm done. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never have a normal life - no wife, kids, a house, etc. The older I get the less I care though.
Anyway, the last few days have been pretty bad. So yesterday I smoked a bowl, went for a two hour walk during which time I listened to some Indian house music and the new James Blake album, then I came home and painted for a few hours.
It felt pretty good. When I'm feeling down about things I find it's worse if I wallow in it. This is easy enough to do because unfortunately depression makes me pretty a-motivational. So really, get out of the house, absorb some sun, self medicate, listen to music and do some art (even if you aren't good at it). It's not a fix, but it helps a bit.
I'm almost certain I'll be back in school (again) next year. That means 5+ more years. I'll probably be 40 by the time I'm done. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never have a normal life - no wife, kids, a house, etc. The older I get the less I care though.
Anyway, the last few days have been pretty bad. So yesterday I smoked a bowl, went for a two hour walk during which time I listened to some Indian house music and the new James Blake album, then I came home and painted for a few hours.
It felt pretty good. When I'm feeling down about things I find it's worse if I wallow in it. This is easy enough to do because unfortunately depression makes me pretty a-motivational. So really, get out of the house, absorb some sun, self medicate, listen to music and do some art (even if you aren't good at it). It's not a fix, but it helps a bit.
MisterLuffy
Member
I have physics exam tomorrow. I failed the first one, and I'm bound to fail this one too. I'm just stupid and couldn't grasp the concept. I don't like me for many reasons and this one is one of them.
I have a Masters in receptor biology and I was going to medical school, planning to go into psychiatry, yeah. I've had to take a break from my studies, actually, because my own depression has gotten quite bad. I'm taking this time off to get myself back in (mental) shape. So I certainly have more time to be active in here lately. I hope it's not too much. I don't want to annoy people by posting too much.
Honestly, researching things for my posts, answering questions, trying to be helpful in general - it's the best thing for my own depression. I explain it to people by saying that trying to tackle other people's problems allows me to face my own problems, outside of my own head. It has been a big help as I try to get myself back closer to 100%.
edit: depression-GAF is not getting me down! I kind of regret posting this! I'm getting messages about taking care of myself. I am guys! I appreciate the concern, though! Honestly, helping people here is about the most therapeutic thing for me. It's hard to battle depression in your own head - it makes it easier for me to try to battle it in you guys! When I give some advice to people, like, "don't be so hard on yourself," or whatever (it's ALWAYs way better than that! My advice is, like, GENIUS! So deep!), it tends to make me go, "...oh. I should think about that, too." It's silly, but external problems are easier to face than internal ones. If I can get my problems out of my own head, I can see them more clearly and fight them better.
If I do get bogged down by this, I'll step away, no worries. I'm just a small part of the help that people are getting here. This community takes care of itself, and our members are so incredible!
Wait, you have a Master's in receptor biology? What kind? I do research on calcium receptors (vaguely) It's a small world.
Do you ever find you have a tendancy to overload yourself and get stressed instead?
My family has a history of mental illness. I got the depression gene from them. I had been fighting it before my life was ruined by a chronic illness but it's much worse when the two of them are sharing space because they feed off each other. Depression makes the physical pain worse which makes the depression worse.
I often get upset when reading threads at NeoGAF (or anywhere, I suppose) because people have so many things that they take for granted, especially their health. I had to give up my dream (which I was already living) when it failed and I live my life stuck in the past, desperately wanting to relive my early 20s, when I was last happy. That was a decade ago.
I did a GAF meetup a few months ago and mostly enjoyed it, despite the severe pain in my back and shoulders. I had to lie to everyone and tell them I was still working, because how do you bring up all of *this* to complete strangers at a bar? I don't leave my apartment often, as the pain is unpredictable and frequently severe. It was nice just to be around people, talking video games.
I think about suicide a lot because there's no cure to my illness, it'll only get worse with time, money is running out and I feel I have nothing left to live for but I guess stubbornness and the thought of my mom grieving keeps me here for now.
Thanks for listening. Depression can fuck itself.
I often get upset when reading threads at NeoGAF (or anywhere, I suppose) because people have so many things that they take for granted, especially their health. I had to give up my dream (which I was already living) when it failed and I live my life stuck in the past, desperately wanting to relive my early 20s, when I was last happy. That was a decade ago.
I did a GAF meetup a few months ago and mostly enjoyed it, despite the severe pain in my back and shoulders. I had to lie to everyone and tell them I was still working, because how do you bring up all of *this* to complete strangers at a bar? I don't leave my apartment often, as the pain is unpredictable and frequently severe. It was nice just to be around people, talking video games.
I think about suicide a lot because there's no cure to my illness, it'll only get worse with time, money is running out and I feel I have nothing left to live for but I guess stubbornness and the thought of my mom grieving keeps me here for now.
Thanks for listening. Depression can fuck itself.
My research was on nicotinic acetylcholine receptors, and I wrote a textbook chapter on adenosine receptors. We're receptor biology bros, bro!
Hmm. Not very often, actually. I think I do an okay job taking time away from depression-GAF when I need it. Lately, I've been spending a lot of time on the OP, and talking to new people who are showing up. I feel like at least I'm doing that little bit to help people, even if I have to take this time to get myself back on track. It keeps me from feeling totally self-centered.
And the friends I've made in here have been so supportive and so good to me. I always have people to talk to, to joke around with and lighten my mood, to teach me League of Legends (<3 Trin!) - you guys are amazing! It has been a difficult time in my life, but my friends in here have really kept me going. And even people who aren't good friends (yet!), like you and Smiley already are, have really boosted my spirits with the kind words I've heard about the things I try to do for depression-GAF. Just having someone like FillerB - who I didn't really even know! - make some kickass banners for our new thread, just because he has been reading the thread and finding it helpful - it gives me the warm fuzzies.
If it does get stressful, the nice thing about being online, is I can just back away and get some space. But as we've had more people join our community and ask for help, people like you have really stepped up - it's hardly just me talking to people on skype and in chat. Most of the time, nowadays, by the time I talk to someone, they'll say "I talked to nithidia/fiction/prax/smiley/etc last night and they really helped me!" I love this community, and I don't mind being the face of depression-GAF, or whatever I am, but I do a small fraction of all of the good stuff that happens in here.
Hullo folks. Hope everyone reading through has had a good - and if not, a not-terrible - evening.
Thought I should post an update. I've gone from having nights where I couldn't sleep at all (and I have to admit that some of the thoughts that would lull me to sleep were suicidal) to feeling pretty alright. I'm not back to how I felt two years ago, which is probably the most stable I've been in my life, but I can see myself working up to it.
I dropped the therapist I was seeing after her advice for dealing with my self esteem issues was to get a boob job. Okay, that's not the whole reason. I would leave each session feeling worse about myself than when I came in, to the point where I had a huge breakdown after about a month of seeing her twice a week. One of the things I was in therapy for was my physical self esteem issues, and it was weird having a therapist who loved to talk about how beautiful she was whenever the issue was brought up. Anyways, she sent me to some wardrobe and make up stylists thinking that would help and surprise, surprise: it made the problem a lot worse.
I completely shut down and my mum said enough was enough and told me to get medication. At that point I figured, nothing else has worked, so I started taking Lexapro.
It's helped quite a bit, I think. Leaving Colombia and coming to stay in Miami where I actually have a support group (even if it's of one person; but it's the most important person) had a lot to do with it, but I think the medication has certainly helped me from spiraling like I would before. There's still bad days but nothing as bad as before. It's also helped a lot with anxiety that I was never fully aware that I had until it got better.
Things aren't perfect, but I'm happy that I'm back on track with my life and managing. The self esteem issues are still there. Honestly, sometimes it feels like I'm just ignoring them. I'm not currently seeing a therapist since I felt like I needed an emotional break and I'll admit I'm wary of going back.
I'm sorry that I don't have anything more insightful to say but just... things can change. I know how hard it is to see that when you're in the middle of everything, but it's certainly possible. I wish everyone here the best, and I'll try to provide help when I can. Feel free to PM me any time.
I also want to add how helpful this thread and community have been. I think writing can be very therapeutic and just publishing something to the public - even anonymously - can help you escape the terrible echo chamber that is your mind. Same with the IRC chat. It's comforting to know that if I can't reach anyone else (or hell, I'm too out of it to want to reach my offline support group) that I can interact with people I can relate to in a nonthreatening environment. If that makes any sense.
Bagels though. I don't know man. That guy doesn't like Lord of the Rings. Can we really trust him?
Thought I should post an update. I've gone from having nights where I couldn't sleep at all (and I have to admit that some of the thoughts that would lull me to sleep were suicidal) to feeling pretty alright. I'm not back to how I felt two years ago, which is probably the most stable I've been in my life, but I can see myself working up to it.
I dropped the therapist I was seeing after her advice for dealing with my self esteem issues was to get a boob job. Okay, that's not the whole reason. I would leave each session feeling worse about myself than when I came in, to the point where I had a huge breakdown after about a month of seeing her twice a week. One of the things I was in therapy for was my physical self esteem issues, and it was weird having a therapist who loved to talk about how beautiful she was whenever the issue was brought up. Anyways, she sent me to some wardrobe and make up stylists thinking that would help and surprise, surprise: it made the problem a lot worse.
I completely shut down and my mum said enough was enough and told me to get medication. At that point I figured, nothing else has worked, so I started taking Lexapro.
It's helped quite a bit, I think. Leaving Colombia and coming to stay in Miami where I actually have a support group (even if it's of one person; but it's the most important person) had a lot to do with it, but I think the medication has certainly helped me from spiraling like I would before. There's still bad days but nothing as bad as before. It's also helped a lot with anxiety that I was never fully aware that I had until it got better.
Things aren't perfect, but I'm happy that I'm back on track with my life and managing. The self esteem issues are still there. Honestly, sometimes it feels like I'm just ignoring them. I'm not currently seeing a therapist since I felt like I needed an emotional break and I'll admit I'm wary of going back.
I'm sorry that I don't have anything more insightful to say but just... things can change. I know how hard it is to see that when you're in the middle of everything, but it's certainly possible. I wish everyone here the best, and I'll try to provide help when I can. Feel free to PM me any time.
I also want to add how helpful this thread and community have been. I think writing can be very therapeutic and just publishing something to the public - even anonymously - can help you escape the terrible echo chamber that is your mind. Same with the IRC chat. It's comforting to know that if I can't reach anyone else (or hell, I'm too out of it to want to reach my offline support group) that I can interact with people I can relate to in a nonthreatening environment. If that makes any sense.
Bagels though. I don't know man. That guy doesn't like Lord of the Rings. Can we really trust him?
Love you Bagels <3
I think a lot of us do have a healthy body (besides our brains, I guess) so it's hard to relate or even begin to understand what you must be going through. It feels trite to say that I'm sorry about the hand you've been dealt. But I've recognized your name in other threads and I think a lot of GAF and especially your mum are very grateful for your stubbornness. You're clearly a very thoughtful son.
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