Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
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Hey! You're back! Great to see you!
Okay, I am stressed to breaking point.
So many things just keep happening and I am not sure I can cope much longer.
- My relationship with my partner has been very indifferent lately.
- The house we bought together is just not working out and things like council rates and body corp fees keep increasing.
- I hate my job 'nuff said. Plus they're restructuring so I don't even know if I will have a job soon.
- My cat was murdered and I don't know who and this is upsetting me (I've contacted the SPCA and Police)
- Finally, my partner decided to go get 2 kittens and I have been with them all day and I can't deal with them playing all the time. It's driving me nuts, on top of that, one is quite small and I can't get him to eat or drink at all.
- All of this has made me have drinks today. I stopped drinking about 6 months ago as it was out of control.
Just so many things and I don't know what to do.
So many things just keep happening and I am not sure I can cope much longer.
- My relationship with my partner has been very indifferent lately.
- The house we bought together is just not working out and things like council rates and body corp fees keep increasing.
- I hate my job 'nuff said. Plus they're restructuring so I don't even know if I will have a job soon.
- My cat was murdered and I don't know who and this is upsetting me (I've contacted the SPCA and Police)
- Finally, my partner decided to go get 2 kittens and I have been with them all day and I can't deal with them playing all the time. It's driving me nuts, on top of that, one is quite small and I can't get him to eat or drink at all.
- All of this has made me have drinks today. I stopped drinking about 6 months ago as it was out of control.
Just so many things and I don't know what to do.
I have, Melatonin is really hit or miss with me however. I have Zopiclone, but I try not to overuse it (both because the metallic aftertaste is awful and it's for short term use only). Hopefully in a couple of days my GI tract adjusts to the Effexor again. Managing broken sleep for now, at least.
I tend to stop eating too :/ I hope you'll get at least some distraction, if not fun out of your presents :/
I'll always be on Steam if you want to talk, Oomi :x
-rubs eyes- sorry, I'm having a Deja Vu. Go on.
Hah, how so? If memory serves we've both been posting in NHL threads for several years at least (I've mostly posted as Botolf, in recent times with my shorter handle).
Feels like at times the only thing keeping my life from flying off rails are the pills working or not. The ambiguity and tension surrounding whether or not the dose is any good is certainly no help to the underlying anxiety. In some ways better, in some ways worse.
Ahhh, that'd be my bad then, haha. I see names with regularity in threads and subconciously slot them into the same headspace as the names I've seen forever.I've only been on GAF for like a year and a halfI'm sorry, I don't recognize your nick from either thread, and now I see you post in both at the same time, which threw me off haha.
What happens if the pills work/don't work?
If they don't work, slumps, typically. Straight back into the all-consuming melancholy that eats entire days and has one feeling like it's all downhill from here. Today was like that, crawled out of bed at 9 PM feeling heavy. It's gotten a bit better since then. Food helps.
If they do, I feel like I can function like the baseline human. Eat food, take care of oneself, interact with humans, enjoy something about one's day... all things that seem impossible in a slump.
Thanks. It helped slightly.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
This whole month has probably been the most stressful and emotional month of my entire life.
It started off with this:
[url]http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=530499&highlight=
[/URL]
(she pulled through, but it was 2 weeks of living in hell)
Then this a few days ago.
Still in the dark about this situation and she stays in my mind constantly.
And to top it all of, last night I found out my grandma had a heart attack and is in hospital.
Have my college test and assignment due tomorrow and once I've got them both out the way, I will be getting the much needed train home to see her and my family for 2-3 days.
Really need to see them as I just feel so stressed and worn out.
It started off with this:
[url]http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=530499&highlight=
[/URL]
(she pulled through, but it was 2 weeks of living in hell)
Then this a few days ago.
Still in the dark about this situation and she stays in my mind constantly.
And to top it all of, last night I found out my grandma had a heart attack and is in hospital.
Have my college test and assignment due tomorrow and once I've got them both out the way, I will be getting the much needed train home to see her and my family for 2-3 days.
Really need to see them as I just feel so stressed and worn out.
How to be a better friend.
#2 Treat him like a grown-up. When a pal is struggling, it can be awfully tempting to grab him by the scruff of his neck and just tell him exactly what he should do. After all, isn't giving good advice part of being a good friend? Perhaps not, according to researchers who study self-determination. Edward Deci, a psychology professor at the University of Rochester, has found that supporting a friend's autonomythat is, making him feel as if he can make his own choicescreates a better relationship and may even improve his mental health.
It's kind of hard to actually do that - the temptation to give advice is so strong! - but I've found it has really helped my friendships.
#2 Treat him like a grown-up. When a pal is struggling, it can be awfully tempting to grab him by the scruff of his neck and just tell him exactly what he should do. After all, isn't giving good advice part of being a good friend? Perhaps not, according to researchers who study self-determination. Edward Deci, a psychology professor at the University of Rochester, has found that supporting a friend's autonomythat is, making him feel as if he can make his own choicescreates a better relationship and may even improve his mental health.
It's kind of hard to actually do that - the temptation to give advice is so strong! - but I've found it has really helped my friendships.
Does Psychiatry Need Science?
An interesting critique of psychiatry, and the DSM in particular. I will say that the DSM is not all of psychiatry (although it does have a prominent role), and the use of biomarkers in academic psychiatry is a huge area of focus. Also, as one of the comments points out, the cornerstones of medical practice are still history and physical exam. There are things diagnosed by molecular tests, advanced imagine, etc. but a whole lot of medicine operates on the basis of matching constellations of symptoms to likely diagnoses. It's unfair to single out psychiatry as being alone in this - it's how medicine basically works.
I can talk more about the article if people are interested in discussing. As someone very invested in biological psychiatry (or molecular psychiatry, whatever you want to call it), I have a lot of issues with the DSM.
An interesting critique of psychiatry, and the DSM in particular. I will say that the DSM is not all of psychiatry (although it does have a prominent role), and the use of biomarkers in academic psychiatry is a huge area of focus. Also, as one of the comments points out, the cornerstones of medical practice are still history and physical exam. There are things diagnosed by molecular tests, advanced imagine, etc. but a whole lot of medicine operates on the basis of matching constellations of symptoms to likely diagnoses. It's unfair to single out psychiatry as being alone in this - it's how medicine basically works.
I can talk more about the article if people are interested in discussing. As someone very invested in biological psychiatry (or molecular psychiatry, whatever you want to call it), I have a lot of issues with the DSM.
I just want to say this went over my head.
Mostly.
Psychiatry (or psychology? Both?) and medicine are not treated as actual sciences? Or something like that? EDIT ah, no need for long explanations. Will go over my head again, as much as i like to learn and understand.
EDIT reading that more closely. Understand more than i thought. I think. Maybe.
EDIT right. I think i understood quite a lot of that... well as much as i can without context. DSM is apparently some sort manual?
A friend of mine doesn't think medicine as a science. Don't remember why he thinks that.
---
Also, been rather happy the last few days (a week or so). Been especially curious, want to talk about stuff, learn (sciences, facts, trivia, stuff).
I wonder... is that what i used to be? Before depression, i used to be very curious but i don't remember how it felt. The most likely future for me was to be a scientist (probably physics, though psychology is also very interesting). But ever since my depression... meh. Things feel irrelevant, i'm apathetic (which is common for depression, no?).
Saying this because... it feels so odd to be so curious again.
Unfortunately this won't last. I'm like this (more or less, usually less) every now and then.
Yeah, i try to be optimistic but in light of my history, it is hard to be.
EDIT i don't think i've changed anything in my life. I just feel happier at the moment. As i said, happened before.
As my sister's boyfriend was driving me back home from their place, I was listening to music just trying to drown out all my thoughts. I was listening to Lonely Soul by UNKLE and as the verse I'm gonna die in a place that don't know my name/I'm gonna die in a space that don't hold my fame I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to live. In an instant I automatically remembered that before I die, I want to do something good; something that people would remember me for and say, "He was great," or something along those lines. I don't want to be famous; just remembered by a group of people. Anybody. My suicidal thoughts just completely vanished and I felt, kind of... good. I don't know what it was.
That feeling is gone now, and I'm back to where I was before, unfortunately, but it was strange. Welcome. As much as I seriously want to end my life, there is a little part of me that says "Not yet", though it doesn't show its face nearly enough. Sorry if I'm rambling, GAF, just wanted to share my strange moment of the day.
That feeling is gone now, and I'm back to where I was before, unfortunately, but it was strange. Welcome. As much as I seriously want to end my life, there is a little part of me that says "Not yet", though it doesn't show its face nearly enough. Sorry if I'm rambling, GAF, just wanted to share my strange moment of the day.
Great, I had written a reply to Windam, and also added a couple of things about how I'm feeling right now, when my stupid phone decided to erase everything I wrote.
Yeah, I don't feel like typing it again anymore. Guess this is another example of bad things always happening to me. Great.
Yeah, I don't feel like typing it again anymore. Guess this is another example of bad things always happening to me. Great.
That's pretty much how my bouts of depression play out. Everything that I do wrong, or at least perceived wrong, is magnified to ridiculous extents which of course piles up along with the dark thoughts, which makes life so difficult.
Fuck, I'm going through a bout of it right now where I feel my life is going no where and I don't see it changing for the foreseeable future. It's affecting me to the point where I have a review coming up in two days where a part of the review requires me to review myself and I simply just don't give a fuck about it. In my mind, I feel like its not going to make any difference as my mind has already came to the conclusion that my manager doesn't like me so me taking the time for the review is a waste.
Meh... too much rambling.
Trancetronic
Member
I have a friend whom I care about a lot, and she goes through these bi-polar episodes at night on what seems to be almost regularly at the same time.
I try to support her (we talk over FB) but she's always like "You don't want to be involved with me, I have issues, there's no hope for me", etc. I'm usually supportive with kind words like "we can do this" and "stop thinking like that", but it's like nothing ever works.
We're supposed to go on a date this weekend, but sometimes I feel as though that maybe I shouldn't be involved with her. We really like each other a lot, but this has become a damper on our friendship and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm really wasting my time (although I'm not), because I want to be there for her. She has a lot of self esteem and worth issues that randomly pop up, and it's like my words and support aren't going through to her.
I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if she's on medication and I know she's not seeing therapy. She's been through a lot in her life, and she's one of the cutest and most understandable girls I've ever met in my life. She understands me and I understand her, but I don't want to give up on this. What should I do?
I try to support her (we talk over FB) but she's always like "You don't want to be involved with me, I have issues, there's no hope for me", etc. I'm usually supportive with kind words like "we can do this" and "stop thinking like that", but it's like nothing ever works.
We're supposed to go on a date this weekend, but sometimes I feel as though that maybe I shouldn't be involved with her. We really like each other a lot, but this has become a damper on our friendship and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm really wasting my time (although I'm not), because I want to be there for her. She has a lot of self esteem and worth issues that randomly pop up, and it's like my words and support aren't going through to her.
I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if she's on medication and I know she's not seeing therapy. She's been through a lot in her life, and she's one of the cutest and most understandable girls I've ever met in my life. She understands me and I understand her, but I don't want to give up on this. What should I do?
Crazyorloco
Member
Same here. it's frustrating. I do the good things, but somehow it's not totally right. Something screws up.
I hate myself.
Ever since I admitted to being bisexual(only on GAF so far) I've felt like trash. It felt like a huge relief at first, being able to finally talk to similar people for the first time, but I've started to feel terrible lately. I don't know what it is. I can't sleep at night, I have awful thoughts of suicide while lying in bed. I hear my family members saying how they hate gay people. Some of them wouldn't want to see me ever again if they found out. I let stuff like that bother me, even on GAF:
I'm absurdly insecure. The last time I was this depressed was in high school where I came very close to killing myself twice. I hate to admit it, but I guess I didn't completely beat that depression. I want to be nice and be friendly with everybody, but I'm positive some people would hate me or drop all contact if they found out. I'm ridiculously paranoid of something like this happening one day.
I don't like to leave my room these days. Why can the world be so vile, I wonder. This is all completely irrational but I can't control it.
Ever since I admitted to being bisexual(only on GAF so far) I've felt like trash. It felt like a huge relief at first, being able to finally talk to similar people for the first time, but I've started to feel terrible lately. I don't know what it is. I can't sleep at night, I have awful thoughts of suicide while lying in bed. I hear my family members saying how they hate gay people. Some of them wouldn't want to see me ever again if they found out. I let stuff like that bother me, even on GAF:
I'm absurdly insecure. The last time I was this depressed was in high school where I came very close to killing myself twice. I hate to admit it, but I guess I didn't completely beat that depression. I want to be nice and be friendly with everybody, but I'm positive some people would hate me or drop all contact if they found out. I'm ridiculously paranoid of something like this happening one day.
I don't like to leave my room these days. Why can the world be so vile, I wonder. This is all completely irrational but I can't control it.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
Bel Marduk
Banned
It really shouldn't be surprising to anybody that GLBT folks have such high rates of depression because, unlike most minority groups, we don't always have family support and that can really have a negative effect on self-perception. (We win the oppression olympics!) Your fears of what other people think aren't irrational -- homophobia is. You said that you're only out on GAF, but do you have friends who would be supportive of you? If you do, coming out to them can be liberating and being around people who are accepting could probably ameliorate your depression.
I pretty much know how you feel and that sometimes its very difficult to leave your room when it feels like the world outside is a hateful place.. but that's one of the most emotionally unhealthy things you can do to yourself. It will only reinforce negative feelings. Humans need interaction, sunlight and exercise. Without those things, its inevitable that you will feel like shit.
I must have missed the post you quoted from. Was it in this thread? Cause if it was, somebody needs to be perma'd.
I wonder if the bold part is kind of the key. We'd all like to be completely accepted for who we are first, and then have people appreciate our nice qualities, but it probably works best the other way. If you look at famous people who have come out, the people who have brought some people to the cause tend to be these people like Ellen, where she has fans who say, "She's so nice and funny and sweet - I'd love to be her friend! - but she's GAY?!?!" The end of that chain of thought is more likely to be acceptance than if an openly gay actor wants people to eventually notice how nice and funny and friendly he is. "He's gay?! Well I'm not watching this movie!" etc.
The closest thing in my own (blandly Midwestern) experience is being Catholic. So not really comparable, but stick with me. EVERYONE I meet assumes I'm an atheist. Everyone. It kind of bothers me, to be honest. If you're science-y, joke around about everything, and express lots of doubt, you don't seem like a religious person. I also don't say, you know, "HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON SUNDAY MORNING BECAUSE I'LL BE AT MASS BECAUSE CATHOLIC."*
Anyway, meeting people online, there can be a certain...hostility to organized religion. I think I'm more likely to have really interesting conversations about religion because, by the time it somehow comes up that I'm Catholic, I've generally been joking around, playing games, talking about depression, science, whatever, for a long-ass time with that person. It just does not work the other way. If the main thing someone knows is that I'm Catholic, I don't get that chance to demonstrate that I'm a nice, funny, thoughtful guy (or whatever). We START with "why don't you believe in evolution and why do you hate gay people and do everything the pope tells you, etc, etc," none of which is true, and none of which make any sense if you've talked to me for more than 5 minutes.
I know it's not the same - my faith is a choice and any anti-Catholic sentiment out there pales in comparison to the shit bisexual or homosexual people have to put up with (imagine a major political figure comparing being Catholic to beastiality!). And I don't want my take on things to be "stay in the closet, live in shame, deny yourself, but be a good guy and some day you can come out and maybe not everyone will hate you." It's more that, with any of the things we really hold dear, any of things that define us, we want to be accepted first and then have people grow to like us. And it would be great if it worked that way, but it just doesn't. To turn my own example around, I don't look at my friend Dave and think, "I accept that you're a conservative evangelical Christian who studied molecular biology yet denies evolution. Let's go from there and be friends." Rather, I think that he's smart and funny and caring and we share certain passions (he's a psychiatrist), and so I can not have my head explode when he says "the creation story in Genesis is a literal account of how things came to be. Now let me run this Western Blot." FUUUUUxzvkjzxcvkx! I like him so much I can almost accept him voting for Romney. Almost.
This is not great movement politics. I don't believe that people need to shut up about who they are and somehow "earn" our acceptance. But in your own personal life, if just saying "THIS IS WHO I AM. DEAL WITH IT." is not an option, you can wage your own quiet war of niceness attrition. People don't love us because they accept us, they accept us because they love us.
I'm not sure i'm making any damn sense. It's just, if you're a good person, and someone likes you for that, but it's all undone when they find out who you're attracted to, then they're not worth knowing. But, if I really like you, and I find out that there's something about you I don't agree with, from the other side, I'm likely to say, "well, he's still worth knowing." And maybe, over time, I'll finally be like, "Dave, you're right. Evolution IS bullshit!"
Okay, bad example.
Tune in next time for more advice on acceptance from a straight, white, Christian male! :/
*as if Catholics went to mass! Ha ha!
Bel Marduk
Banned
Wow, Bagels. I had no idea you were religious. Not knocking you or anything, I just kind of assumed just about everybody on GAF was an atheist. Hope I haven't said anything to offend you in the past...
Thanks a lot you two, those posts mean a lot. I needed that. 
Bel, I know two people who would most certainly be fine with it. Anyone else is either a definite no or unsure. Maybe in the near future I'll be comfortable telling someone. For now, I should post more in the LGBThread
Again, thank you two very much. You're both awesome.
Bel, I know two people who would most certainly be fine with it. Anyone else is either a definite no or unsure. Maybe in the near future I'll be comfortable telling someone. For now, I should post more in the LGBThread
Again, thank you two very much. You're both awesome.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Thanks a lot you two, those posts mean a lot. I needed that.
Bel, I know two people who would most certainly be fine with it. Anyone else is either a definite no or unsure. Maybe in the near future I'll be comfortable telling someone. For now, I should post more in the LGBThread
Again, thank you two very much. You're both awesome.
Thanks
You may notice that many of the avatars in this thread are the same as in the LGBT thread.. there are lots of other people who are experiencing the same feelings you are and its much easier to talk about this kinda stuff on GAF than in real life.
I obviously don't know enough to tell you what to do, but i kind of worry about the bolded stuff. Like bipolar disorder is a big deal. Things like self esteem issues tend to be VERY deep seated, strongly reinforced, and not really subject to kindness (especially from people you expect to be kind to you). I'm not sure why either one would just yield to your words. If these problems were logical, I'm not sure they'd be problems, you know?
I'm sure the words and support are great, but it's just not that easy.
We were just talking about male and female friends in chat, and I definitely have an easier time talking about my depression with my female friends. Men seem especially prone to trying to answer your problems. So if you say that you're going through x, y, and z, the response is invariably some simple advice - "just do this!" Gosh, don't focus on the negative stuff?!?! Wow! Genius! Oh, I just shouldn't feel this way? Problem solved!
I doubt your words of encouragement are that lame, but even the most nuanced advice, the kindest encouragement, it rarely works in any kind of straight-forward way. It's very frustrating, but actually just listening to people is a very rare, very valuable thing. It's not some magical cure for people's problems, but it's often the best you can do. And it can take a lot of work to not just shake people and tell them the simple thing they're not doing that you think would fix everything.
You'll have to think if the frustration, the illogical nature of the problems, is something you can handle. You can care for someone but not have it in you to try to fix them, or even stay close to them while they fix themselves. Mental illness does tend to make you push people away, to test them - it seems an almost universal experience. It's hard to know if you should push through that, or if it's ultimately too much for you, or for a relationship. Sorry I rambled about giving advice and stuff, but it's hard to get out of that basic "see a problem, give the solution" kind of talk that actually rarely helps. Relationships are hard enough, but then add mental illness and it gets extremely hard. Kudos for you trying to help her, but there is something to be said for realizing when a problem is beyond your ability to help, or even when your frustration with trying to help may ultimately hurt both of you. I'm not telling you what to do - I don't know - but it bears careful thought about what's ultimately best for both of you.
That made me laugh! See! It's always a shocker when I say I'm Catholic. I struggle a lot with faith, and it's more a personal thing for me - if I don't get it, why would I try to convert other people? - so I guess I honestly identify more strongly with the atheists than the few really openly religious people you see online.
No worries about offending me! I'm not interested in a religion I can't mercilessly joke about.
Well. Fuck.
I said yesterday i had felt happy for sometime.
The thing is, two hours or so later, i felt really, really miserable. Cried myself to sleep (something i don't recall myself doing for... i don't know for how long. Or even what was the reason last time, if there was one).
Still am miserable...
Seriously, that was about the fucking fastest mood swing i've ever had (when it comes to depression). And strongest. From very good to very bad. EDIT i went to sleep, tired, and suddenly i was just that damn miserable.
EDIT miserable, as in, felt almost like physical pain, or almost like feeling physically ill. Something like that. Neither really describes it well.
Also starting to think i can't get myself to a therapist alone. I've been depressed for years, i haven't been able to do that yet, so how could i now?
Can't think of anyone i could talk to help me to visit one either.
I said yesterday i had felt happy for sometime.
The thing is, two hours or so later, i felt really, really miserable. Cried myself to sleep (something i don't recall myself doing for... i don't know for how long. Or even what was the reason last time, if there was one).
Still am miserable...
Seriously, that was about the fucking fastest mood swing i've ever had (when it comes to depression). And strongest. From very good to very bad. EDIT i went to sleep, tired, and suddenly i was just that damn miserable.
EDIT miserable, as in, felt almost like physical pain, or almost like feeling physically ill. Something like that. Neither really describes it well.
Also starting to think i can't get myself to a therapist alone. I've been depressed for years, i haven't been able to do that yet, so how could i now?
Can't think of anyone i could talk to help me to visit one either.
I think this might be the final week for me. I've already canceled my appointment with my therapist and nutritionist. Today at the group therapy I realized how awful of a person I am. Seems like everyone there has had some sort of experience with relationships and friends and me not so much. I am a loser and a failure. Medication doesn't help therapy doesn't help born a loser die a loser but at least when I am dead it will stop everything will stop. No more being ugly no more being attracted to guys and then being rejected no more thinking waking up no more sadness and pain. I've been looking up painless ways to committ suicide and I think I found something. I can finally give up life. There isn't anything in it for me and there isn't anything I can give back to it.
Do you have anything thats really good at distracting you? Most days for me i spend half of it completely miserable but i just look forward to the other half where i can do shit i like and forget about my problems. Also maybe you should consider voluntarily submitting yourself to a medical care center or something. I dont know the details but maybe someone here can give you a number to get a location.
Hospitals cannot help me. I've been to some and they don't help. Therapy is a lie.
dutchguyjack
Member
That's your problem. You're stuck in a negative feedback loop, but it's possible to get out of it by proving to yourself that you are in fact able to achieve things. Shut down a negative thought when it comes to you by replacing it by a positive one. If you do that often enough it will become an automated system in your mind at one point, and negative thoughts will rarely come up in your mind again.
There is nothing i can really say to make you feel better. I'd suggest getting drunk and watch a movie. Youll zonk out and then feel a little better tomorrow. I've had low points like this, thats the only thing thats helped me when there is nobody else to.
Wow, what a disheartening statistic. Is/are there any idea(s) as to why it's such a stacked deck against success?
Sorry that I don't have any specific advice for you, but please remember that the sauce can only mask what you're feeling (if it even does that) and it won't help you deal with your problems or your feelings.
Best of luck on your next 6 months sober.
Agent Cooper
Member
This picture is my current status at all times.
Youre thinking too negative right now. You feel really shitty and you see no point in anything. You need to take my advice and find a way to sleep till tomorrow or watch a movie that wont remind you of your problems. Nobody knows the shit thats gonna happen in the next couple of months to them for certain.
I know for certain. I really should jump infront of a train
Youll miss all the impending GAF meltdowns that will be happening in the coming months. Those are the best. But go to sleep. You are feeling very sleepy.
Trancetronic
Member
I obviously don't know enough to tell you what to do, but i kind of worry about the bolded stuff. Like bipolar disorder is a big deal. Things like self esteem issues tend to be VERY deep seated, strongly reinforced, and not really subject to kindness (especially from people you expect to be kind to you). I'm not sure why either one would just yield to your words. If these problems were logical, I'm not sure they'd be problems, you know?
I'm sure the words and support are great, but it's just not that easy.
We were just talking about male and female friends in chat, and I definitely have an easier time talking about my depression with my female friends. Men seem especially prone to trying to answer your problems. So if you say that you're going through x, y, and z, the response is invariably some simple advice - "just do this!" Gosh, don't focus on the negative stuff?!?! Wow! Genius! Oh, I just shouldn't feel this way? Problem solved!
I doubt your words of encouragement are that lame, but even the most nuanced advice, the kindest encouragement, it rarely works in any kind of straight-forward way. It's very frustrating, but actually just listening to people is a very rare, very valuable thing. It's not some magical cure for people's problems, but it's often the best you can do. And it can take a lot of work to not just shake people and tell them the simple thing they're not doing that you think would fix everything.
You'll have to think if the frustration, the illogical nature of the problems, is something you can handle. You can care for someone but not have it in you to try to fix them, or even stay close to them while they fix themselves. Mental illness does tend to make you push people away, to test them - it seems an almost universal experience. It's hard to know if you should push through that, or if it's ultimately too much for you, or for a relationship. Sorry I rambled about giving advice and stuff, but it's hard to get out of that basic "see a problem, give the solution" kind of talk that actually rarely helps. Relationships are hard enough, but then add mental illness and it gets extremely hard. Kudos for you trying to help her, but there is something to be said for realizing when a problem is beyond your ability to help, or even when your frustration with trying to help may ultimately hurt both of you. I'm not telling you what to do - I don't know - but it bears careful thought about what's ultimately best for both of you.
Thanks for the advice Bagels. I do realize that a mental issue isn't something that isn't immediately cured. We've talked about going out and that kind of thing, but then she'll just randomly "switch".
I usually try to cheer her up as my motives are positive. Although she's just a friend with a possibility of becoming more, it feels as though it just isn't moving anywhere. I'll continue to be supportive and not give up. It's one hell of a challenge, that's for sure. But I've been told that patience is a true virtue in these situations.
She hasn't cancelled the date yet. I've been telling her to just think about the fun we're going to have on Saturday. So hopefully she'll be back to herself by then.
This is my first time handling a situation like this, so it's new to me. It's a learning experience, however, and whatever space she needs to sort herself out without me shoving the "are you alright" without being too forceful is fine by me.
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