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[Krammy]

snip

Regarding Sertraline, I was on it for over a year and never had any of the side effects you're describing (either the urinary retention or esophagus contractions). While the urinary retention seems to be a more common thing, if it's happening frequently enough to be the annoyance it sounds like, I'd definitely talk about it with a doctor. The esophagus contractions without a doubt should be talked about with a doctor though, preferably before changing or stopping the dosage.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful despite being on it myself in the past. Different strokes for different folks with regards to the side effects I guess.

 

[Prez]

Yeah. Can you be exactly specific what you're after? I've been exploring self-healing techniques for some time and may be able to give you something specifically effective.

I feel like I haven't accomplished anything of value at 27. I've studied for almost 8 years, but never really worked that hard and didn't have a real job until just before I turned 27. In the end I got a professional bachelor but now I don't want to work in the field anymore. I currently work a retail job and I've been looking around for other career options but it has now fully hit me that I'm only qualified for low-skilled jobs. Having to spend 8 hours a day doing something that doesn't contribute to personal growth and pays little above minimum wage depresses me every day. I just can't accept it.

During my studies I've spent many years in isolation with barely any friends. I had tons of spare time but I only listened to music, watched tv shows and surfed the internet. I realize too late how much time and potential I've wasted. There's so much I wanted to learn, so many books I wanted to read and I've always wanted to learn to play music but I lacked the discipline because of huge confidence issues and fear of failure.

It's impossible now to fix all of that before I get old. I have to accept my current situation and decide what to do next. I should either accept a dead-end job and focus on music, reading, traveling and other hobbies, or pursue a more meaningful career while working my current job but then I couldn't dedicate myself to hobbies. Now I'm doing none of those things because all my energy goes towards worrying, regrets about the past and self pity.

I want to find answers, discover what matters most to me, create goals and accept the sacrifices I have to make to achieve those goals. I still have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. It's time for me to start figuring things out.

I want to quit my job soon and take a few months off to discover myself and find answers. While I'm still working I'm trying to make plans for what to do during this time. I'd like to travel, read and play music but I also consider volunteering and other things like Vipassana. I need to relax but I definitely have to get out of my comfort zone if I want to find answers. There are just so many things I want to do and I can't decide because I'm completely overwhelmed.

Would it help to write things down? What kind of questions should I ask myself? Any other methods to make decisions and discover myself? Should I try to analyze my past self or instead ignore my past?

 

[thepotatoman]

So, I had sat down ready to write a resignation letter because I was certain I was doing so badly thanks to anxiety and depression blocks that they were thinking about getting rid of me anyway and that I might as well end the suffering now.

But I ended up deciding I might as well come clean and tell them of my problems and ask what they want to do about it instead, and they ended up telling me I was one of their best employees, that they were planning on giving me a raise, that he knows about anxiety because his brother it, and they'll be patient while I work through things.

Really amazing how blind anxiety and depression can make you to reality.

 

[Krammy]

I don't usually ask for relationship advice, but this has been weighing heavily on my mind for weeks.

I've been together with a woman for almost four months now and there was a recent revelation that made continuing the relationship impossible for me. Eager to find a way to maintain the friendship, because she's a very nice woman, I've been dragging my ass on what probably should've been an instantaneous breakup. We did toy around with the idea after she revealed this secret to me, and there was a mock breakup of sorts, but she handled it badly and I was worried she would kill herself if it continued, so I invited her back into my life as a sort of "We're together still but it's not official".

I need some advice on how to go about breaking up with her for good, because the relationship can't continue. I'm still interested in being friends, and being a part of her life, but she's too heavily invested in a romantic relationship for that to work (which I understand, I've had that feeling before too). I'm nervous she'll harm herself if I go through with it, but because it's an uncertainty, I can't call the police or emergency about it.

 

[neojubei]

It's kind of annoying hearing people complaining about exes all the time on GAF. Be thankful you HAD a relationship period. Try living in a world where no one would even consider dating you.

i know how you feel.....

 

[half a moon]

Everything keeps getting worse.

I got my wallet w/ drivers license and social security card stolen last month. Lost it after applying for a job. I filed a police report and put an initial fraud alert with the three credit companies.

I got an email thanking me for my recent car purchase!?

It's Sunday so I can't figure out anything. I'm alone for the next 12 hours.

I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out.

 

[jb1234]

Everything keeps getting worse.

I got my wallet w/ drivers license and social security card stolen last month. Lost it after applying for a job. I filed a police report and put an initial fraud alert with the three credit companies.

I got an email thanking me for my recent car purchase!?

It's Sunday so I can't figure out anything. I'm alone for the next 12 hours.

I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out.

Is there any reason to believe the thief would have access to your email address? Did you leave it in your wallet? I'm more inclined to believe it was probably spam. I get emails like that all the time.

 

[NIGHT-]

It's kind of annoying hearing people complaining about exes all the time on GAF. Be thankful you HAD a relationship period. Try living in a world where no one would even consider dating you.

It's not the same. Coming from someone who spent most of my teens and lower 20s single and alone, it's not the same. Sure, I was lonely as fuck then, but I didn't get to me near as much as losing this person I thought I'd spend my life with. It seems like everything was ripped from me. And even though a lot of time has passed since the break up, I'm still a mess and trying to rebuild/find myself. In a lot of ways, I wish I could erase my memories of ever meeting her

 

[Kater]

I told my psychiatrist on my second appointment a few weeks ago that I'm not yet sure if I should take any pills. Told him I will think about it until the next appointment in about a month. Right now I think back to that and regret it because depression has sunken its fangs into my flesh, ripping my skin off, laying it all bare. I feel so numb sometimes, and very sensitive and emotional shortly afterwards. It's weird and confusing. Doesn't help that our society goes crazy right now, here and elsewhere.

 

[Hey_Blinkin]

I've always tried to put on a confident, bachelor by choice persona at work. I think in the back of my head I always knew my co-workers weren't buying it. But for some reason it gave me some sort of insulation from the truth. Almost as if I was selling it to myself as much as I was selling it to them. Hell I'd even make up stories to try to seem like I had a dating life which just seems crazy for a person my age. About a week ago a conversation led to me admitting I'm having no luck dating. They made a few jokes about it and that was kind of it. But for some reason that conversation has stuck with me.

I've had the feeling of a knot in my chest for the last week. It's like a physical manifestation of just how lonely I am these days. Every time I see a happy couple or think about getting older without a significant other it just gets worse. I've talked about my loneliness on this forum before but It's never been like this. I'll usually have highs and lows but they always seem to even out. Now it's just a constant low and it's a little worrying. I guess I finally understand what people mean when they say they're "so lonely it hurts". It's almost like that as long as I could convince myself that no one knew how lonely I was I could live with it, but now that it's out there just how much of a loser I am It's something completely different.

I think the thing that gets to me the most is that there are shitty, abusive, assholes, out there with amazing women and here I am, someone who would do anything for someone I love and I have no one.

 

[half a moon]

Is there any reason to believe the thief would have access to your email address? Did you leave it in your wallet? I'm more inclined to believe it was probably spam. I get emails like that all the time.

Well it's where I get my car serviced and it seems like they may have asked my email. My email may have been in my wallet too. Not sure what was written on some papers.

Edit: I got an email from them in June so I guess they had it already.

 

[ShaneB]

One of those mornings where I wanted to drive my car off the road and end my pointless life.

 

[Spectone]

One of those mornings where I wanted to drive my car off the road and end my pointless life.

Why? What is going on in your life?

 

[JimboJones]

I'm feeling kind dumb and embarrassed, I guess I had a bit of a "breakdown" last week, the Doctor gave me a sick line for 2 weeks and i'm now on a waiting list to see a councillor for possible social anxiety

I dunno if it's the medication or just the time off work the past few days but I feel..well I would't call it fine but i'm not he wreck I was going in to the doctor last week.

I keep thinking maybe I just made a mountain out of a mole hill

I'd usually put on a brave face and try and get on with things but I just kinda gave up last week I just couldn't do it anymore.

 

[NIGHT-]

One of those mornings where I wanted to drive my car off the road and end my pointless life.

Please talk to someone! Pm me if you feel like getting it out

 

[Rexatality]

Just a week ago or so, I made a thread about my mental state of mind about how I assume the worst and how it affects my well-being and trying to fix it for the better.

Well, for me, my mental state has gotten worse due to what's happened the last week (I doubt I have to explain myself about it). I'm getting more anxious, I feel myself walloed in negativety and depression. Hell, I don't feel in the mood to study at all despite my future career is depending on it. I worry a lot for the world and what's about to happen in the next four years.

My family are trying to encourage me not to wallow myself into this stage, but it's hard. I'm trying to find ways to get my mind on other things, but I have yet to find a solution to that yet.

 

[Hale-XF11]

Just a week ago or so, I made a thread about my mental state of mind about how I assume the worst and how it affects my well-being and trying to fix it for the better.

Well, for me, my mental state has gotten worse due to what's happened the last week (I doubt I have to explain myself about it). I'm getting more anxious, I feel myself walloed in negativety and depression. Hell, I don't feel in the mood to study at all despite my future career is depending on it. I worry a lot for the world and what's about to happen in the next four years.

My family are trying to encourage me not to wallow myself into this stage, but it's hard. I'm trying to find ways to get my mind on other things, but I have yet to find a solution to that yet.

I'm in the same boat right now. I've been on edge for a while now and this past week may have been a tipping point for me.

I just got the letter in the mail from my health insurance provider detailing how my premium will triple starting in January and all I can do is sit here and cry.

Every time I think I'm doing something good to catch up on my financial debts, it just gets worse and worse and I can't keep up with it all.

I have to go to work tonight at my job and I'm probably gonna be a wreck when I get there. I just don't have the energy or motivation anymore to move forward with my life. I'm gonna keep pushing, but I may one day just stop and when/if I reach that point, well, I don't know what happens. This is all new territory for me.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

One of those mornings where I wanted to drive my car off the road and end my pointless life.

been there, although mine is more "wouldn't mind" than "I want to die".

 

[ShaneB]

Why? What is going on in your life?

Feeling better now.. but was just one of the mornings.

In a job I don't care one bit about, in a city I can't really afford to live in (nor that I like since I know I'm a small town guy), and I just can't find the motivation to care about much in life, or admit to someone that I've failed and need to change. I'm certainly not happy, but I seem content to do absolutely nothing and let the days pass by. Dating is a nightmare lately since I'll always have the feeling they can do better than me. I stay somewhat positive because I know I'm doing pretty well all things considered, I just need a complete 180 in life. Just gets me down where I think about death so much.

 

[Rexatality]

I'm in the same boat right now. I've been on edge for a while now and this past week may have been a tipping point for me.

I just got the letter in the mail from my health insurance provider detailing how my premium will triple starting in January and all I can do is sit here and cry.

Every time I think I'm doing something good to catch up on my financial debts, it just gets worse and worse and I can't keep up with it all.

I have to go to work tonight at my job and I'm probably gonna be a wreck when I get there. I just don't have the energy or motivation anymore to move forward with my life. I'm gonna keep pushing, but I may one day just stop and when/if I reach that point, well, I don't know what happens. This is all new territory for me.

I understand what you mean. But since I'm a non-American, I should take my problem more seriously and try to solve it.

The issue is that I don't know how to solve it. I guess one thing that could help is getting out of the internet for at least a few days.

 

[Hale-XF11]

I understand what you mean. But since I'm a non-American, I should take my problem more seriously and try to solve it.

The issue is that I don't know how to solve it. I guess one thing that could help is getting out of the internet for at least a few days.

Taking a break from the internet, even just for a few days, has done wonders for my own mental health in the past. Highly recommended. I wish you well.

 

[JDHarbs]

My mood has been improving lately. I've been eating more and don't lay in bed all day. It all started after I got a job interview. If I can get it then hopefully I can move out soon. Ive desperately needed a change in scenery for a long time now.

Loneliness is a major cause of my depression so on the rare occasion that I am wanted by someone I go from rock bottom to cloud nine in an instant. I never had a very supportive family and once my social anxiety kicked in after changing schools when I was young I couldn't make friends either. I've had no support system for roughly a decade now which took its toll on my mental health. I didn't go out because I had no car or people to meet so I've spent night after night in my room my entire life and I really just can't take it anymore.

 

[Octavianus]

.

 

[redlegs87]

I hope you are all doing well or as well as you can be doing at this moment. The past three days have been very stressful and have made me realize I need to hit the eject button and get out of living with my mother. She is just not able to be helped really as long as she isn't willing or wanting to help herself. I can't continue to let her drag me down any longer and I need to save as much as I can to get out of here before her financial Armageddon sweeps me up in it. I feel just so sad and disappointed in her I want her to not have to worry and work so hard but she just keeps sabotaging herself & me along with her since I am semi dependent on her for transportation.

I really don't want to give up on her do you think if I asked her to join me with my therapist that I could maybe talk some sense into her or come to understand where I am coming from? She thinks of me as controlling and I will admit I can be but only because the way she acts requires me to. If I didn't assert myself into things we'd have been homeless so many times in the past year.

Beyond that even though I have way more interaction with others these days I still feel so lonely. I really need someone to hug and be hugged back by I need to know someone is there for me. I feel like all I've achieved this year has been for naught and I know that isn't true but it's the depression creeping in. It has felt good to just get that out there so thanks for being here and anyone that reads this and has been participating in this thread.

 

[Wvrs]

How am I supposed to finish University when I'm dealing with depression and anxiety? The last thing I can think of doing when I'm having a bad day is going to the library to spend hours with textbooks in isolation. And it is affecting my ability to take opportunities open to me; I had a part-time job as an English tutor in the bag, which would have been valuable experience and good money, but I worked myself up so much over the thought of having to learn a new job skill totally out of my comfort zone that I ended up self-sabotaging the whole thing.

It's just the worst. I feel like I'm stuck in a horrible rut of having to force myself to do everything; I know the way I ought to be living life, and so I'm just on autopilot with classes, study, work, friends, but I'm never really present in the moment and all I can think about doing is dropping out and moving as far away as I can to start anew.

But that can't happen because I'll never get funding to do a degree again if I give up now, so I feel like I'm trapped in this city that's host to too many bad memories now for me to enjoy living here, stuck finishing this degree and it's only worsening matters. I'll be done by July but it seems so far off. And then conversely, I panic because I feel like I'm going to wake up five years from now and regret ruining my Uni experience.

I don't know, all I can think in my head is that I was actually happy when I started back when I was 18. The future looked bright, I was excited to be living somewhere new, was in the best shape of my life, had a beautiful girlfriend, socialised constantly, enjoyed working. Now it's all I can do to get out of bed in the morning, and often it's well after morning.

Antidepressants help I guess, been on them six weeks and have noticed a difference (missed two days though, which is probably why I'm feeling so low right now) but they haven't so much given me impetus to start living life again as they have numbed the dark thoughts and anxious spells to the point where I can, rationally, be able to function normally and get things done. But am I actually enjoying my day to day life? Not really.

 

[NIGHT-]

Well my psychologist thinks I suffer from ocd, well obsessive thinking. Which explains why I've been losing this battle with my mind for months now, and absolutely has been able to stop the hamster wheel from turning. I haven't been able to enjoy a movie, tv show, book or comic, since this happened. She is gonna write me a med recommendation to my doctor for some type medication. I'm too sure yet, I just want full control over my life again

 

[Jordan]

I thought I was doing a lot better, but turns out I'm just progressively getting worse.
Quit my meds over a year ago, counselling finished around 6 months ago and I have started going out on Saturdays to play D&D with a group somewhere (It gets me out of the house and meeting new people.) I'm happy with this, but my working environment just makes me fall back into the same routines over and over again.

I don't know how to manage my anger at all, so something will start to bug me and then it'll just escalate internally, until it gets the point that I'm red in the face and so frustrated that I feel like I'm going to have a complete breakdown. My problems at work are some of my colleagues and just feeling like nobody listens to me, and considering my position - they probably should.

 

[hunchback]

You know you really suck when you can't even kill yourself properly. I thought I took enough diazepam to do the job. But I fucking puked everything back up, screwing it up.
I did research and you can take medicine that makes it so you don't puke. I doubt I will get the chance. Everyone is watching me now. I just want to sleep forever so the noises in my head stop. I don't even know why I'm posting. I have been here just over two years and I can't even make a friend. Fuck. I just want it to stop.

 

[Hey_Blinkin]

Do you all think there's a difference between thinking about suicide and "contemplating" suicide? I've been thinking about it every day for the last two weeks but I don't really know that I'd ever do it.

 

[yunbuns]

Things really haven't gotten better since the last time I posted here. The meds I got prescribed to weren't working so the doctor gave me something else. I was supposed to go to counseling yesterday but I canceled because I was in a terrible mood and the last couple of sessions have felt like a waste of time.

Grades are still so-so. I will probably pass my classes but my gpa for my scholarship is probably going to dip under a 3.0 so I'm going to lose the scholarship for spring and will have to take out loans. Luckily, I do have a chance to get it back but it's still stressful. I'm probably going to change from Computer Science to Computer Information Systems. I'll actually be able to graduate faster with it since I'll have to take less credits and Computer Science was too much for me.

I don't know. I just feel really empty and hopeless right now. I don't really feel like I'm really 'living' right now and instead of just 'here' if that makes sense.

 

[Sectorseven]

Do you all think there's a difference between thinking about suicide and "contemplating" suicide? I've been thinking about it every day for the last two weeks but I don't really know that I'd ever do it.

Usually the red flag is when you actually formulate a plan rather than the merely contemplating it as a possibility.

 

[Teriyaki Blues]

Usually the red flag is when you actually formulate a plan rather than the merely contemplating it as a possibility.

Planners rarely commit suicide successfully, as it is impulse driven. If you have suicidal tendencies, you can easily live one more day by not owning a gun, not walking on that one bridge, etcetera. Really good article about it here that makes me massively infuriated at the NRA every time I read it:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/06/magazine/06suicide-t.html

 

[Spectone]

Do you all think there's a difference between thinking about suicide and "contemplating" suicide? I've been thinking about it every day for the last two weeks but I don't really know that I'd ever do it.

I'm not sure if this is what you mean but I get thoughts to kill myself all the time. However I never actually let that thought do anything. I don't ruminate or think through plans. Eventually the thought passes but it always seems to come back again.

 

[Spectone]

You know you really suck when you can't even kill yourself properly. I thought I took enough diazepam to do the job. But I fucking puked everything back up, screwing it up.
I did research and you can take medicine that makes it so you don't puke. I doubt I will get the chance. Everyone is watching me now. I just want to sleep forever so the noises in my head stop. I don't even know why I'm posting. I have been here just over two years and I can't even make a friend. Fuck. I just want it to stop.

What sort of noises do you get in your head? Is it like voices talking or like a murmur of conversations you can't make out or something else.

 

[hunchback]

What sort of noises do you get in your head? Is it like voices talking or like a murmur of conversations you can't make out or something else.

Yes, it's voices and images. It's like a movie on constant loop. I'm severely disabled and the movie is regrets and image's of when I could help myself. I have a therapist and have been through 10 different meds but nothing stops it. I have actually thought about buying a taser and tasing myself to see if it stops.

 

[Spectone]

Yes, it's voices and images. It's like a movie on constant loop. I'm severely disabled and the movie is regrets and image's of when I could help myself. I have a therapist and have been through 10 different meds but nothing stops it. I have actually thought about buying a taser and tasing myself to see if it stops.

I wish I could help you but the only thing I can offer is tales of my own struggles. I too have been on many meds. I first starting having severe problems in uni when I tried to kill myself. This was in 1992 and I was given some antidepressants then. My troubles continued to get worse I didn't finish uni and had trouble at a job I got afterwards. I was having severe nightmares every night and had to quit.

Some time after that I started seeing a psychiatrist and was put on some different meds. I ended up getting a job with parents business. In the start of the 21st century I met my wife and got married. We had our first child but then I lost my job due to loss of a contract. I tried going to TAFE that is a technical college but I couldn't finish it due to my mental health. Over all this time I stil had troubles I discovered I had social phobia as well as depression. I had been put on a few different medications but they only numbed the pain slightly, I had tried some therapies but they didn't work for me.

In 2007 my wife went with me to see the psychiatrist because I had become so bad I just sat around all day doing nothing. I was put on Lexapro and suddenly my crippling social anxiety was mostly eliminated. I changed overnight and went back to TAFE where I finished the diploma I had quit before. I got a new full time job and we had our second child.

After 2 years in my new job I stopped working slowly. It was depression again my performance was so bad I lost my job because I could no longer do anything. I tried going back to uni in another field but depression caused me to fail there as well.

This year my depression had gotten very bad again and eventually I was admitted into hospital and given ECT. This has helped lift the heaviest of the depression but I still have problems. Some days are good and I can do things, others are bad and I sit on the couch all day looking at my iPad. But things are much better than before at least.

 

[User 479360]

I feel like I'm just coasting along, going day by day and hoping things will change like I have been for almost a decade now. And I'm only happy when I'm buying something, then that goes away an hour later.

I miss my Mom. I just want her to be here, or to be with her. I don't belong here, I'm a drain on society, and I'm not a helpful society member. Just a waste of space with too much opinion that annoys the people around me.

This shopping addiction is driving me nuts. I hard a hard time enjoying gaming anymore. I'm too tired to do much, because I sleep for a few hours, wake up and repeat. I'm afraid of change and I'm lonely.

I just wish a semi would knock me out of this Hell.

 

[Spectone]

I don't belong here, I'm a drain on society, and I'm not a helpful society member. Just a waste of space with too much opinion that annoys the people around me.

Those things are not true everybody has value and worth. You have value and worth and you are not a drain on society.

This drain on society thing is just bullshit made up by people who think that everything needs to produce something of value. But the things of value they want to produce have no real value. Is having a paying job with money in the bank really value? Go into an art gallery and look at the paintings. How many of those paintings are of people working for money? Artists won't paint that because it has no real value. An old man sitting on a bench, a young child playing with a dog, leaves falling from a tree in autumn, those things are real value. Friendships and the little things around us are of value.

 

[User 479360]

Those things are not true everybody has value and worth. You have value and worth and you are not a drain on society.

This drain on society thing is just bullshit made up by people who think that everything needs to produce something of value. But the things of value they want to produce have no real value. Is having a paying job with money in the bank really value? Go into an art gallery and look at the paintings. How many of those paintings are of people working for money? Artists won't paint that because it has no real value. An old man sitting on a bench, a young child playing with a dog, leaves falling from a tree in autumn, those things are real value. Friendships and the little things around us are of value.

Thanks. That helps.

I try to think that way, but it's tough living in a capitalist society where people are defined by their jobs.

 

[Hermii]

Looking forward to another lonely Saturday night.

 

[User 479360]

Why do the PSWs that come in here feel that it needs to be social hour, or a party, at 7:45am on weekdays and 9am on weekends? I sleep poorly enough.

Have some consideration. You don't need to yell through the house early in the morning.

 

[13ruce]

I have a complete fear of going bald i'm a short guy and in the Netherlands guys are tall. My Grandfather and Uncle on my moms side are bald and my uncle is balding i look like them and have the same hair so i'm screwed.

I made an appointment with a dermatologist for getting a finasteride prescription.

I do look above average in my opinion and looking at my uncle and grandfather bald looks very bad, short hair already looks bad on me so there is no way i want to be bald.

If the doctor wont proscribe me it i will get the finasteride illigaly and i don't care about that.

Also going to buy Minoxidil from ebay since it costs alot here.

No seriously i'm a vanity kind of guy and 21 years old i noticed my hair is starting to thin so i want to get on all the prevention stuff as soon as possible.

I always already had a fear of baldness since i was young because i saw how my uncles hair kept declining.

It may sound very silly but it littarly is the only thing i would suicide for.

I care about looking good myself and bald does not suit me at all i'm skinny tom cruise height and wieght 60-65 Kilo's i would look very ugly bald so thats why i want to prevent that at all costs. I also have bad beard growth so i can't rock the bald/beard look i also look very young.

Yeah thats my thing that gets me depressed sometimes.

And i will tell this story to the doctor and i will even tell her that i will get the finasteride from black markets if she refuses to give it.

It may sound silly but this is my biggest fear.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

I got a new psychiatrist and he put me back on Abilify but with the aid of Benztropin this time around.

I've only been on this combo for two days and my vision went to shit. I can barely read what I'm typing right now.

 

[Pamplemousse]

Made another abortive attempt at meeting a guy tonight. I hate my life so much. I can't do anything right. Why do I bother? I give up on it completely. From now on, I'll never attempt to meet a guy again.

 

[half a moon]

Anyone get a cold or flu on antipsychotics? drugs.com says "Risperdal may lower the ability of your body to fight infection. Avoid contact with people who have colds or infections."

 

[Kwixotik]

I'm not doing so good. I think social isolation is taking a toll on my mental state. Nothing I can really do about it either, as I'm stuck without a car in a town I don't know anyone in.

It's stupid, but I've been smoking cigarettes just to break up the monotony, and I don't consider myself a smoker. I get home from my internship at about 5pm and usually have a cig at 7pm and again at 9pm just because I start to go crazy just sitting on my couch or laying in bed.

This is the first weekend I've stayed in town instead of asking someone to come pick me up and it hasn't gone well. I was depressed for most of the day. Now it's 9pm and I'm not particularly depressed but I'm about 3 beers and 5 cigs in. I really don't want to make this a habit and I'm telling myself I won't smoke over Christmas break and then I'll switch to vaping CBD oil. But as for right now I feel like beer and cigarettes are the only things keeping me from going nuts. I'm only smoking like a pack a week right now, but I feel guilty and I'm worried because my dad and brother are both 1+ pack/day smokers.

It doesn't help that I'm poorer than I've ever been. I ate a single egg roll for dinner tonight. And the WiFi here is shit so I don't have netflix or anything. All I've got is a book and Persona 4.

 

[half a moon]

I'm not doing so good. I think social isolation is taking a toll on my mental state. Nothing I can really do about it either, as I'm stuck without a car in a town I don't know anyone in.

It's stupid, but I've been smoking cigarettes just to break up the monotony, and I don't consider myself a smoker. I get home from my internship at about 5pm and usually have a cig at 7pm and again at 9pm just because I start to go crazy just sitting on my couch or laying in bed.

This is the first weekend I've stayed in town instead of asking someone to come pick me up and it hasn't gone well. I was depressed for most of the day. Now it's 9pm and I'm not particularly depressed but I'm about 3 beers and 5 cigs in. I really don't want to make this a habit and I'm telling myself I won't smoke over Christmas break and then I'll switch to vaping CBD oil. But as for right now I feel like beer and cigarettes are the only things keeping me from going nuts. I'm only smoking like a pack a week right now, but I feel guilty and I'm worried because my dad and brother are both 1+ pack/day smokers.

It doesn't help that I'm poorer than I've ever been. I ate a single egg roll for dinner tonight. And the WiFi here is shit so I don't have netflix or anything. All I've got is a book and Persona 4.

I'm in a similar situation. Things can always be worse :/ that's what I tell myself. Try to stop with the booze and cigs. I have a used goods store that has a ton of DVD's for $1.95. Maybe you can budget some more entertainment. Tho if you can only afford an egg roll that doesn't sound like it. :/ I downloaded a lot of podcasts at Starbucks.

 

[Anung]

Having a shit time even though things are fine. Unless I keep myself busy literally every thought in my mind is about suicide.

A letter from the therapist with a start date cannot come soon enough.

 

[half a moon]

Having a shit time even though things are fine. Unless I keep myself busy literally every thought in my mind is about suicide.

A letter from the therapist with a start date cannot come soon enough.

Suicide thoughts don't sound fine man. :/ A letter to begin therapy?

 

[Jonogunn]

I know Neogaf is predominantly anti-religion about had anyone turned to religion for their problems?

It's most common that people turn to god when they are at their lowest. I just want to share that despite being open to Christianity and going to church for the last 3 years it wasn't until recently that I truly feel I'm close to rock bottom and have opened my heart more to god.

Funny thing is watching doctor strange is what helped me to get to that point. I finally learn I need to let go of my ego and arrogance and accept I don't know jack shit. And that is the only way to truly surrender myself to him.

It's a start for me and I'm no where near better or anything (dealing with unemployment and a recent break up where I lost a great gal) but I'm trying...