Following this up to say I did end up breaking things off for good and now I want to die. Neither of us were happy about it and I feel like maybe if I wasn't so paranoid about things, it could've been avoided. A perfectly good relationship otherwise ruined.
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Mental Health |OT2| - Light in the Darkness
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Following this up to say I did end up breaking things off for good and now I want to die. Neither of us were happy about it and I feel like maybe if I wasn't so paranoid about things, it could've been avoided. A perfectly good relationship otherwise ruined.
There's nothing wrong with believing in something despite gaf consensus. I was raised in a religious household and while I don't fully believe in it myself anymore, I'll admit that the sense of community that it brings really made me want to go back after my depression began flaring up again recently.I know Neogaf is predominantly anti-religion about had anyone turned to religion for their problems?
It's most common that people turn to god when they are at their lowest. I just want to share that despite being open to Christianity and going to church for the last 3 years it wasn't until recently that I truly feel I'm close to rock bottom and have opened my heart more to god.
Funny thing is watching doctor strange is what helped me to get to that point. I finally learn I need to let go of my ego and arrogance and accept I don't know jack shit. And that is the only way to truly surrender myself to him.
It's a start for me and I'm no where near better or anything (dealing with unemployment and a recent break up where I lost a great gal) but I'm trying...
...especially at a time like this where my Dad is joking in the kitchen about how if I died he wouldn't care. :'(
User 479360
Banned
Religion is part of my problem.
I grew up in a house that didn't openly do anything religious, go to church, etc. But we're Protestant essentially.
I believe, always have, or at least try to. But with my OCD I've developed a very strong fear of going to hell and worry that I've already damned myself. I obsess over such things.
I grew up in a house that didn't openly do anything religious, go to church, etc. But we're Protestant essentially.
I believe, always have, or at least try to. But with my OCD I've developed a very strong fear of going to hell and worry that I've already damned myself. I obsess over such things.
Feel like I've made up my mind today. These past couple of months have continued to drag me deeper with so much anger and despair that I need to move on. I have to go back to believing in myself with hard work and hope in my heart. My 20s is a time to grow and experiment, so I'm quitting my job to pursue the career I've wanted as an artist. I'm alive and can't let myself go to waste.
Ppl who hit their lowest point usually turn to religion. I have been trying to but I agree with u about the community thing. I wish my chronic back problems didn't exist so I can join them on retreats and stuff. But I do wanna change things up and be part of some church community but I don't quite know how.
As long as u accept god you will not go to hell. The worse murderers in the world who suddenly have a change of heart before they die are saved.
Most people who change their ways and turn to god are the ones who have sinned the most.
All Christian's sin. It's just about doing your best and turning to god for guidance. U ain't damned dude.
pixelation
Member
I feel like no one really cares for me, and i can't like... it hurts like a mother... what am i still doing here?
Hey_Blinkin
Member
I know Neogaf is predominantly anti-religion about had anyone turned to religion for their problems?
It's most common that people turn to god when they are at their lowest. I just want to share that despite being open to Christianity and going to church for the last 3 years it wasn't until recently that I truly feel I'm close to rock bottom and have opened my heart more to god.
Funny thing is watching doctor strange is what helped me to get to that point. I finally learn I need to let go of my ego and arrogance and accept I don't know jack shit. And that is the only way to truly surrender myself to him.
It's a start for me and I'm no where near better or anything (dealing with unemployment and a recent break up where I lost a great gal) but I'm trying...
I'm really glad it's working for you. It certainly helped my father out when he hit bottom. He "turned to God" and now he seems better than ever. I grew up in a Pentecostal church straight out of the Jesus Camp documentary. I'm not sure if I ever really bought into it but now I think of it as nothing more than fairy tales. Still, I'd like to think I'd give it another shot before I got so low that I was planning to end my own life. If nothing else a lot of churches offer a friendly, supporting atmosphere that can make you feel like you're a part of something. As someone who struggles with loneliness everyday that in itself seems like it can be worth getting involved in.
On another note, I managed to stay out of my own head this weekend which was nice. I started three different video games so that kept my mind occupied. I even worked up the courage to message someone on a dating site which is extremely rare for me. No response, but even a little progress is still progress. I'm a little worried about Thanksgiving though. I'll spend a couple hours at my parents but other than that it's going to be rough. Hopefully the local sports bar is open so I can at least be lonely amongst a group of people i don't know.
Is that really true? Sometimes when we are down we tend to colour everything we see in blackness. We make things out to be much worse than they are. We dismiss the good in the world and instead emphasise the negatives.
CanUKlehead
Member
A lesson about living to work.
I'm a pretty positive guy, at work and otherwise. I was put in a project in April for us to deliver this database for my work. Early on, I could see there were problems with the product. I worked hard to meet my own unreasonable deadlines. I went to work at 6 am or earlier (I have keys) and stay until 6, unless there're things to do for the evening shift guys. I've even slept in the office once over the weekend to save time (and no one knows). I lied to avoid going to a stag do in June, so I can work. I'm lucky my gf works on weekends. I decided to not take holidays from August onward, saving my holidays for Dec when I can use that time to move in with my gf--but I also knew I can't afford to take time off.
I handed in my notice last week. One of my colleagues said, 'we knew Nov was going to be tough' and I responded with 'but that's it--it's not just Nov. I've been going full force since August'. When I quit, one of my colleagues said, 'jesus, if the whole thing got to HIM, something went really wrong' (like I said I'm positive and powered through). I should care that I'm actually irreplaceable (not hyping myself but one of my colleagues realised I'm pretty much the only guy who works to death and knows the system inside and out cause of it. They're screwed finding my replacement).
I blame myself for all the overtime (not all of it was even paid) as I had a choice but felt like because maybe I wasn't using my time well, I had to stay. There were very few times others did. Then I finally got convinced, even by guys internally, that it's the piss-poor planning and how no one gave us resources. We're not even suppos1ed to get this far. WhenI told my direct boss (an external project manager), he mentioned, 'well, you can see the writing on the wall, can't you?', with regards to how this is going to be a disaster.
I hate leaving my team and an unfinished job (though ironically, I've done what I was originally meant to, I'm now helping out everyone else), but I was at the end of my rope.
My last day is 14 December. The stress of not having a job is nothing compared to going there every day (I've been made redundant from a shit company before). If you can afford to leave a job that's killing you, fight for change if you can, leave otherwise.
I needed to realise I didn't put us in this mess and however valiant, it wasn't up to me to fix things to the extent I tried. Lessons learned for me: work-life balance, not taking unncessary blame, working hard but not killing yourself.
They offered more money to stay, they offered me to come back anytime, the managing director offered me to take as much time off and come back and report to her with a new job that will be custom built for me. I appreciated that, but I need to just go away. Like Final Fantasy XIII, I was told to slog through the beginning to get to 'the good part' in (I think) Chapter 11. When I got there, I quit. Chapters 1 through 10 killed me. Same here, weirdly.
Tl;dr: job shattered my confidence, I was overworked, thought I was going to go crazy. Finally, I quit my job. Learned not to blame myself and learned work life balance.
Don't live to work.
I'm a pretty positive guy, at work and otherwise. I was put in a project in April for us to deliver this database for my work. Early on, I could see there were problems with the product. I worked hard to meet my own unreasonable deadlines. I went to work at 6 am or earlier (I have keys) and stay until 6, unless there're things to do for the evening shift guys. I've even slept in the office once over the weekend to save time (and no one knows). I lied to avoid going to a stag do in June, so I can work. I'm lucky my gf works on weekends. I decided to not take holidays from August onward, saving my holidays for Dec when I can use that time to move in with my gf--but I also knew I can't afford to take time off.
I handed in my notice last week. One of my colleagues said, 'we knew Nov was going to be tough' and I responded with 'but that's it--it's not just Nov. I've been going full force since August'. When I quit, one of my colleagues said, 'jesus, if the whole thing got to HIM, something went really wrong' (like I said I'm positive and powered through). I should care that I'm actually irreplaceable (not hyping myself but one of my colleagues realised I'm pretty much the only guy who works to death and knows the system inside and out cause of it. They're screwed finding my replacement).
I blame myself for all the overtime (not all of it was even paid) as I had a choice but felt like because maybe I wasn't using my time well, I had to stay. There were very few times others did. Then I finally got convinced, even by guys internally, that it's the piss-poor planning and how no one gave us resources. We're not even suppos1ed to get this far. WhenI told my direct boss (an external project manager), he mentioned, 'well, you can see the writing on the wall, can't you?', with regards to how this is going to be a disaster.
I hate leaving my team and an unfinished job (though ironically, I've done what I was originally meant to, I'm now helping out everyone else), but I was at the end of my rope.
My last day is 14 December. The stress of not having a job is nothing compared to going there every day (I've been made redundant from a shit company before). If you can afford to leave a job that's killing you, fight for change if you can, leave otherwise.
I needed to realise I didn't put us in this mess and however valiant, it wasn't up to me to fix things to the extent I tried. Lessons learned for me: work-life balance, not taking unncessary blame, working hard but not killing yourself.
They offered more money to stay, they offered me to come back anytime, the managing director offered me to take as much time off and come back and report to her with a new job that will be custom built for me. I appreciated that, but I need to just go away. Like Final Fantasy XIII, I was told to slog through the beginning to get to 'the good part' in (I think) Chapter 11. When I got there, I quit. Chapters 1 through 10 killed me. Same here, weirdly.
Tl;dr: job shattered my confidence, I was overworked, thought I was going to go crazy. Finally, I quit my job. Learned not to blame myself and learned work life balance.
Don't live to work.
innervision961
Member
Made the mistake of watching Hypernormalisation, now I'm sitting here feeling like "whats even real" and the world is nuts. Kind of sucks. Plus there was some really gruesome imagery in that film that I wasn't prepared for. Didn't really know what I was getting myself into. Definitely just compounded my post election anxiety.
I know Neogaf is predominantly anti-religion about had anyone turned to religion for their problems?
It's most common that people turn to god when they are at their lowest. I just want to share that despite being open to Christianity and going to church for the last 3 years it wasn't until recently that I truly feel I'm close to rock bottom and have opened my heart more to god.
Funny thing is watching doctor strange is what helped me to get to that point. I finally learn I need to let go of my ego and arrogance and accept I don't know jack shit. And that is the only way to truly surrender myself to him.
It's a start for me and I'm no where near better or anything (dealing with unemployment and a recent break up where I lost a great gal) but I'm trying...
I have a lot of issues with religion because I'm gay. Just too many instances where people have told me that I'm going to hell. That said, I have been spending a lot of time lately just sitting on a bench near the closest church. Just trying to find peace.
The kind of people that tell you that really aren't following what their own religion teaches. I was taught to follow the golden rule growing up. Some just feel the need to belittle others to make themselves feel better. This backwards approach by many in the religious community is part of the reason why I left. It's become toxic and against everything religion taught me growing up.
The church I attend and the Christian's I know there have nothing against gays. They understand that the Bible says marriage should be between a man and a woman but they are non-diacrminatory kind people who have love for everyone no matter who they are. I believe these are the real Christians.
But I do get that as a gay person why you feel that way. It's unfortunate
But I do get that as a gay person why you feel that way. It's unfortunate
The church I attend and the Christian's I know there have nothing against gays. They understand that the Bible says marriage should be between a man and a woman but they are non-diacrminatory kind people who have love for everyone no matter who they are. I believe these are the real Christians.
But I do get that as a gay person why you feel that way. It's unfortunate
I turned it against one woman at one point, told her that my life choices were between me and God and none of her business. She huffed and walked off. That was satisfying.
TheCochese
Banned
Good for you. I feel the exact same way. Too many Christians are picking and choosing what to follow in the Bible while telling everyone else that they can't pick and choose.
hunchback
Member
Thank you for sharing. You have been through quite alot. The fact that you never gave up speaks volumes about your character.
I'm now on my 5th psychiatrist in 6 year's. I'm on my 8th therapist since 2009. I can't possibly remember all the drug's but it's the usual. Zoloft, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Adderall, Xanax and many many more. At this point I think they aren't even sure to do with me. I'm fortunate that I don't have family that worries about me.
I only got 5 hours of sleep this weekend. The movie or noises were non stop in my head. Definitely going to try the taser.
Well said and good luck going forward. You're worth a lot, man. Know it so you don't get held under again.
Well done. That's how it should be. She has no right to tell u how ur experience with god should be.
half a moon
Banned
How do people enjoy bullying someone into suicide?
They feel power
I confessed to my husband today that the pain and stress is making me feel suicidal. He was supportive but I terrified he will hold it or use it against me in some way. I'm going to hopefully get into counseling soon. If we didn't have kids I would have already done it but just the thought of them having to deal with that makes me sick and heartbroken.
Yep; despite me loving Adam Curtis' work I can only call watching that film a mistake. I just don't see things getting any better any time soon; making me seriously want to just drop out of university and pursue what I actually care about whilst I still can. I know I won't do it because I wouldn't want to disappoint my family, but you never know.
The world definitely is nuts, I just can't make any sense of it. Things really do feel like we're all just sleepwalking into tragedies and catastrophes of our own making.
Had one of the worst mornings of my life. Was in so much pain that I wasn't able to fall asleep until almost 9 AM. Couldn't even wear a blanket because the mere touch of it on my legs was causing throbbing agony. Right now, I'm crying and so exhausted that I'm barely able to type this. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know why I'm still alive.
Pamplemousse
Member
That's awful. What condition do you have?
Fibromyalgia. It was bad at the time of diagnosis (in 2003) and it's only gotten much worse since then, to the point where I'm almost entirely confined to my apartment. I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy, Donald Trump.
Pamplemousse
Member
Have you tried the medications for it? I commend you for continuing with life despite your pain. I don't know how you guys and gals do it. I have no sense of self-preservation nor do I value my life or existence period.
There are no effective medications for fibro. Drug companies managed to get a few meds approved for treatment but none of them were designed specifically for the illness. If you're lucky, they might suppress a few symptoms but the side effect profiles tend to be very high so a lot of people don't bother taking them. I survive (barely) thanks to opioids and sheer force of will but my resolve has been weakening with each passing year because there's nothing to look forward to in life anymore except more pain.
I have chronic back problems + spondyloarthritis for the last 10 years. I feel you bro.
I notice gluten free helps with the inflammation and I'm trying Foundation Training for my rehabbing.
half a moon
Banned
What's going on where you don't value that?
Holidays make me extremelydepressed. Money gets tight and I haven't even started buying Christmas; I was going to get a few things for myself but had to shell out money unexpectedly and now that's a foregone conclusion. It's hard because I just want to be left alone right now and my wife and kid are off for the week and it makes me miserable - which makes me feel guilty. I just don't want to be here anymore. I don't belong here.
Do your wife and kid think you don't belong here?
Metalingus5150
Member
So, I'm relatively in a good standing in terms of being secure. I've got a good place, got food, got money. However, I never feel secure, I feel like something is gonna come out of nowhere and just wreck my life (it's happened before). So I have a good amount of savings too. I just feel like something bad will happen and take it all away and in an instant. It drives me crazy and causes me to argue with people.
Does anyone have experience with Buspar? I have really bad generalized anxiety, and I have already tried escitalopram but had bad side effects (hot flashes, agitation, cold sweats, insomnia). I'm on ativan currently to try and "bridge the gap" until I find something that works.
Thanks for the feedback.
Thanks for the feedback.
Teriyaki Blues
Member
Look into possible side effects, know exactly how you're going to taper on and off this drug safely, and talk to your doctor if you get side effects.
My experience with this drug was overall very negative as I got a few of the more uncommon side effects with it, but everyone's biochemical makeup is different. Like many mental health drugs, it can take months of consistent use and dosing changes to notice a positive effect.
I hope you're able to find something that works for you soon. In the meantime, you may want to research alternate or enhancing coping mechanisms, such as meditation. Are you not in any kind of therapy? CBT can really help with anxiety.
Another tip: try and lay off caffeine. It is a major anxiety trigger and it is in a ton more foods/drinks than you might think. Read labels.
Thanks for the speedy reply
.I have been doing CBT therapy for years with a registered psychologist, I meditate almost daily, and I have recently cut my caffeine by almost half. I was able to cope for many years but now it is beginning to take over my life and has become extremely debilitating. I hope this medication works for me.
Teriyaki Blues
Member
Thanks for the speedy reply
I have been doing CBT therapy for years with a registered psychologist, I meditate almost daily, and I have recently cut my caffeine by almost half. I was able to cope for many years but now it is beginning to take over my life and has become extremely debilitating. I hope this medication works for me.
Sounds like you're doing everything right! Hopefully you can find some relief soon.
I had this brilliant idea of studying English in another country. Canada, vancouver.
So here i am for 4 weeks. Depressed as fuck. Why did i do this to myself?
I'm not good at fitting in and making friends. Never was. I feel very lonely. It doesn't help that i'm a lot older than most students.
Still 3 weeks to go. I'm going to go crazy!
I wish i could just sleep for 3 weeks.
So here i am for 4 weeks. Depressed as fuck. Why did i do this to myself?
I'm not good at fitting in and making friends. Never was. I feel very lonely. It doesn't help that i'm a lot older than most students.
Still 3 weeks to go. I'm going to go crazy!
I wish i could just sleep for 3 weeks.
What I mean is aspects of my life are going pretty well atm. So the constant suicidal thoughts are very loud and jarring.
I had an assessment to see if was getting therapy and I "passed" for lack of a better word so I'm getting psychodynamic therapy. The wait for the letter with the start date has been long and is kind of fucking my shit up.
Last night while I was in bed I was thinking about how I might load up on painkillers/booze and throw myself off a building. I just don't feel like there's any hope of me getting better. Dropped out of Uni, no job and I can't even force myself to do the one thing I enjoy (writing) so I'll probably never make a go of it. Kind of wish I'd never been born.
I provide more financial security. Other than that, I don't think I'm of much use.
Megalosaro
Banned
If I see one more god damn post about how "life is rad" I'm gonna lose my shit.
We had a 'positive minds' talk at University today and the guy teaching it was an expert psychologist, saying things about psychology, motivation and outlook that really resonated with me. But it just made me feel the way I always do whenever I see advice or help like this - like I don't want to get better. It's hard to explain and I'm being careful wording this because I know there are people posting here who feel so much worse than me and want nothing more than to get better, but I have been wondering for a long time if anyone else feels or ever has felt this way.
To elaborate, I wouldn't say I have serious depression or anything (I probably wouldn't even describe myself as depressed) but I've always had 'dips' in what I consider a pretty flat overall perspective and personality, and I feel like I am going through one of these now. Even when I'm not experiencing a 'dip' though, I feel like I'm never enjoying or experiencing life very much like so many people I know. I am quiet, find it hard to talk to people I don't know well and express how I'm feeling. I'm also unmotivated, get anxious, etc. etc.. But I wouldn't say I'm 'unhappy'. Really, I'm comfortable. And I look at this advice about getting a better mindset and outlook on life and it doesn't resonate with me at all. I look at the person on the other end as unrecognizable and somebody I don't want to be. Does anyone else feel this way - feeling you wouldn't recognize or like a version of you that took on all the advice that was thrown on you?
To elaborate, I wouldn't say I have serious depression or anything (I probably wouldn't even describe myself as depressed) but I've always had 'dips' in what I consider a pretty flat overall perspective and personality, and I feel like I am going through one of these now. Even when I'm not experiencing a 'dip' though, I feel like I'm never enjoying or experiencing life very much like so many people I know. I am quiet, find it hard to talk to people I don't know well and express how I'm feeling. I'm also unmotivated, get anxious, etc. etc.. But I wouldn't say I'm 'unhappy'. Really, I'm comfortable. And I look at this advice about getting a better mindset and outlook on life and it doesn't resonate with me at all. I look at the person on the other end as unrecognizable and somebody I don't want to be. Does anyone else feel this way - feeling you wouldn't recognize or like a version of you that took on all the advice that was thrown on you?
Teriyaki Blues
Member
For me, this was a way bigger problem in regards to medication. There's a lot of it that's simply off the table for me to even try because of preexisting medical conditions, and the ones I've been on have had either really bad physical side effects or made me instantly unrecognizable not only to myself but to everyone around me, personality wise.
I won't lie to you, that shit is the most terrifying thing to me. I feel like the most positive and longest lasting changes I've made to myself have all come extremely slowly. Everybody changes over time, so I try to make sure they're good changes, if that makes sense. It adds facets to the "me" that already exists rather than overwriting who I already am.
It isn't the best idea to just take all the advice that's thrown at you, maybe? Because a lot of it is just nonsense. There's no way to "choose to be happy" if you have clinical depression, you have to work really hard to overcome that and even if you do, there's always the chance of a relapse when bad things happen. Just an example of one piece of advice I see a lot. Not everything is going to work the same for everyone, so you have to find what works for you, and stuff like medication, meditation, and therapy are the toolbox used to aid in that process (just my stupid opinion).
Have you actually asked them?
Edit: The reason I ask is that sometimes we get so caught up in believing what we think is true that we never check to see if it is true.
Life is rad, it's just the perspective you take on it. And also medication, talking, friends and familly.
I think someone keeps leaking radaway into my water.
Have you tried meetup.com? Find a group with similar interests and see what happens. Your mileage may vary, I've been to a couple where they can be pretty awkward, but there is one I've found where everyone is friendly and there are regular nights on the weekend where I can socialise. I am not a social butterfly either, but I've moved countries twice for study and work and you can manage to develop friendships; you do have to take the initiative and sometimes you'll have shitty experiences, but you need to put yourself out there if you don't want to be isolated all the time.
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