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[dh4niel]

I'm unsubscribing from this thread. it's basically descended into 'who's life is shitter'. I've never had any help posting here other than venting and it's just a massive downer overall.

If you're out there and you need help, it is there for you. Someone will listen and someone does care.

If I just wanted someone to talk to I've used: Seven Cups of Tea. It's an online counselling service. It's sometimes hit and miss whether you get someone that understands where you're coming from but it's alot better than waiting for a reply on a forum.

 

[SprachBrooks]

Do you guys find it helpful to just put your thoughts out there and know others will see? Is this a form self-therapising for you? Or are you also posting seeking help as well? I'm just curious.

I'm going through a rough patch – deep loneliness, rejection and not knowing where I'm heading in my life. I sit in my room all day, unsure of what to do with myself and finding no motivation to do anything.

I'm doing my postgrad this year and I honestly hoped it'll get better (last year was terrible for me) and I don't know, I got played by a girl again a few months back (made a thread about it) and I honestly didn't think it'd have an affect on me as I was the one that ended it.

Ever since, well even then and prior to that, I've just been so fucking lonely. I've found solace in music, but I find I cannot engage in anything and I find nothing of interest. I've been eating quite a bit of junk, even exercising hasn't helped. Running 5 miles a day only serves to alleviate some of the loneliness until a few hours post-run.

I'm not looking for help per se on here – I'm just looking to put my thoughts out there. Luckily it's not been so severe that I've contemplated any form of self-harm – and I know I would never do that to myself or my family.

I find myself getting angry a lot as well, lashing out and such. I can't talk to my friends, I've known them for years but I've never ever had the confidence to share my plight as they just wouldn't take what I say seriously.

If you took the time to read this, I appreciate it. And to all going through even worse, I'm sorry if mine seems trivial in comparison.

 

[void666]

Have you tried meetup.com? Find a group with similar interests and see what happens. Your mileage may vary, I've been to a couple where they can be pretty awkward, but there is one I've found where everyone is friendly and there are regular nights on the weekend where I can socialise. I am not a social butterfly either, but I've moved countries twice for study and work and you can manage to develop friendships; you do have to take the initiative and sometimes you'll have shitty experiences, but you need to put yourself out there if you don't want to be isolated all the time.

I'll give it a try. Thanks.

 

[jb1234]

I'm unsubscribing from this thread. it's basically descended into 'who's life is shitter'. I've never had any help posting here other than venting and it's just a massive downer overall.

That's pretty much the way it's always been, dude.

 

[redlegs87]

I'm unsubscribing from this thread. it's basically descended into 'who's life is shitter'. I've never had any help posting here other than venting and it's just a massive downer overall.

If you're out there and you need help, it is there for you. Someone will listen and someone does care.

If I just wanted someone to talk to I've used: Seven Cups of Tea. It's an online counselling service. It's sometimes hit and miss whether you get someone that understands where you're coming from but it's alot better than waiting for a reply on a forum.

I've many times written responses then read them before thinking of posting them and just erasing them thinking the advice I was making was either horrible or it just turned into me venting and making it about myself. I'm trying to get better at it. I try and use a journal to vent these days. When it comes to the "who has a crappier life" thing it can get that way and just try to ignore it when it does pop up. If you really give up on this thread then I hope you well thanks for being part of it for however long you had been.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

I'm always scared to offer advice because I'm afraid I'll make it worse.

 

[TheCochese]

Sometimes all people need is an avenue to express what is going on. For those people, a journal doesn't work because it doesn't bounce back.

Ask a question. Perhaps all they need is to further explain things or that additional insight can help frame your response.

 

[Radical Socks]

Recently I've changed career paths and have moved out of the city I lived in and loved for the past three years.

In this new city in the mornings, I grab a coffee to-go and walk around in the freezing cold. This is my happy half hour of zen. The combination of heat from the coffee cup, mixed with the cold from the the falling snow, gives me an odd sense of calmness and ability to think about things clearly while I'm away from screens.

The ability to just go outside and see the sky in the morning, casting myself up into the clouds and looking down at myself from above, reminds me that whatever anxieties and depressing thoughts I have today, they are perhaps insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

The things I think about on this walk vary; It feels tiring to start over, I am struggling to maintain relationships with people from my past over digital constructs (to expand on this thought, I think of these relationships as being in a crowd of people at a train station. You're on an invisible spline, briskly heading from random waypoint to waypoint, when you come close to a friendly face. You know there will be seconds for any exchange of words to be registered by the other person, because they are also walking fast, and it's like neither of you can stop moving for a minute to tell the other person something. Then there's the uncertainty of when you'll run into them again and hear from them, which gives every encounter with them more weight and urgency, and it goes on like this ad infinitum); how can I forge new relationships with people IRL after graduating college, dealing with insanely unbalanced work/life, and the isolating effects of working in post production; this weird and new see-saw between acting professionally as a 25-year-old and realizing that growing up does not mean losing the fun in life.

I keep a list of things to cross off in a notebook that I believe will help slowly beat my depression and that keep me focused. I tackle one thing at a time, even if it takes a really long time to accomplish it.

It is a fight to not let the darkness overtake the light many days, but I like to quote Sly Stallone when he tells Adonis in Creed, "One step at a time, one punch at a time, one round at a time."

 

[Pau]

Do you guys find it helpful to just put your thoughts out there and know others will see? Is this a form self-therapising for you? Or are you also posting seeking help as well? I'm just curious.

Back when I was in a worse place, I don't think I ever really expected that anyone on GAF could give me any useful advice. But posting did help in a way because I wasn't able to express out loud what I was feeling in front of people without being shot down and it was helpful to do it without the backlash.

I find myself getting angry a lot as well, lashing out and such. I can't talk to my friends, I've known them for years but I've never ever had the confidence to share my plight as they just wouldn't take what I say seriously.

I think a lot of people, particularly men, underestimate their friends in this sense. Do you think talking to them would have worse repercussions than them not taking it seriously? I mean, that would hurt too, but if it's the expectation you're going with, it doesn't sound like actually doing it would change much. At worst your instinct is confirmed and at best they surprise you.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

I'm always scared to offer advice because I'm afraid I'll make it worse.

You are helping me believe in my art.

 

[Bagels]

I think a lot of people, particularly men, underestimate their friends in this sense. Do you think talking to them would have worse repercussions than them not taking it seriously? I mean, that would hurt too, but if it's the expectation you're going with, it doesn't sound like actually doing it would change much. At worst your instinct is confirmed and at best they surprise you.

This is very true. Pre-resolving things is a terrible habit. I do it all the time. I decide exactly how things will go and that sets my mood. And of course I go with the worst possible outcome. So there is 100% chance in my mind that that is the outcome. Whereas, if I actually said or did the thing, there is a at least a small chance (and often a quite large chance) that things will go better.

I will say that my experience with male friends has generally been frustrating. The stereotypical male response to a problem is to tell you how to fix it. The more "female" response is to commiserate and just listen, without offering advice or solutions unless asked. I've tried to train myself to be more that way, as my own instinct is to offer some logical solution to an illogical problem and I know how little help it is. Finding people who will listen and engage with you, but without just going, "you need to exercise" or "just BE happy! It's in your hands!", is super important. One way to get there is to try to be a better listener yourself.

 

[Spectone]

Most people don't need advice they need someone to listen to their problems and acknowledge their pain. Knowing that someone really cares about you.

Relevant video about listening and not trying to solve the other persons problems.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

 

[CheesecakeRecipe]

There are some nights where I think that I should add my name to 2016's list.

Those nights are most nights.

 

[123rl]

I've just been to see my doctor about anxiety problems. I went about six months ago and we tried behaviour therapy exercises, but they didn't really work long-term. I wanted to ask for more help and I was amazed how normal it seemed to her. I have to try these anti-depressants for a month and see what happens. She said it'll be a minimum 5-6 months as a trial and I have to give her feedback on my progress. It's hard to ask for help but it is there if you seek it out

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

I'm unsubscribing from this thread. it's basically descended into 'who's life is shitter'. I've never had any help posting here other than venting and it's just a massive downer overall.

If you're out there and you need help, it is there for you. Someone will listen and someone does care.

If I just wanted someone to talk to I've used: Seven Cups of Tea. It's an online counselling service. It's sometimes hit and miss whether you get someone that understands where you're coming from but it's alot better than waiting for a reply on a forum.

This is a privately owned gaming forum, not a doctor or mental health facility. Even 7 cups won't fill the need of a personal contact with a psychiatrist or license therapists. If you view this forum or even that site as an attention crutch, you will not get better.

 

[boutrosinit]

I confessed to my husband today that the pain and stress is making me feel suicidal. He was supportive but I terrified he will hold it or use it against me in some way. I'm going to hopefully get into counseling soon. If we didn't have kids I would have already done it but just the thought of them having to deal with that makes me sick and heartbroken.

If you're terrified he'll use it against you, I strongly advise you look into whether your relationship is abusive and contributing to your condition. Relationships can be extremely hard with mental health issues and it's hard not to get resentful with one another.

Have you considered counseling to help give yourself an outlet to reflect on these thoughts, to someone who can help you process them safely?

 

[RoyaleDuke]

So my Dad told me he didn't believe in my mental and physical issues.

Great.

 

[jacob armitage]

So my Dad told me he didn't believe in my mental and physical issues.

Great.

That's rough, i had my mom just cut me off completely a few months back for similar reasons. Thought i was "faking" it to be lazy. She was assisting with financial aid while i'm in back in school too, its going to be really difficult going forward. I had to hit up the food bank and a soup kitchen a couple of times this month. Its a shame there is such a stigma over mental health, it can be crippling for me at times.

Does anyone have a fun web comic or something they'd recommend? I really need something to cheer me up.

 

[JDHarbs]

So my Dad told me he didn't believe in my mental and physical issues.

Great.

My dad has done similar in the past. He just can't understand the idea that someone can't have complete control of their mind. Everything wrong with me is "just in my head" and I "need to get over it".

When someone is struggling you'd think that their parents would be the ones to always be there to support them.

 

[User 479360]

Yay, it's the holidays. My first without my Mom. Oh what fun.

I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

 

[pluginbaby121]

I have been suffering intrusive thoughts lately that make me feel terrible but I have no intention or even want to follow through with them. My mind wanders and they just pop up whether it's violent, sexual, or just over all anxiety. I don't like to self diagnose but I feel I show signs of OCD in needing certain physical items in perfect order, having to do the exact sets and reps at the gym and the same kind of weights on each side (one 45 lb on each side rather than a 45 and a 25+ two 10's), checking my alarms for about 10-15 minutes each night to make sure they're set, locking doors, etc. That stuff I can deal with but it's the thoughts that make me feel like a horrible person I have trouble dealing with. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and want to see a psychiatrist but it's hard to voice it to people sometimes because I don't want them to think I'm terrible because of these thoughts.

 

[boutrosinit]

So my Dad told me he didn't believe in my mental and physical issues.

Great.

It's tragic how little information is out there to understand mental health in a way that those who can't empathise can at least value it and be able to be supportive to others suffering.

 

[boutrosinit]

Hi

I have a couple of questions regarding side effects.

I've been on Sertrline for nearly two years after a long battle with panic attacks and general anxiety, all stemming from health related phobias and fixations.

It helped clear up my thought process steadily during acclimation by dissipating all the ruminations and giving me room to expose myself to my regular daily routine again(work, gym, etc)

Eventually I was a functioning individual once more, with a newfound modicum of clarity regarding my illness and past struggles.

But there are sideeffects that are becoming increasingly more difficult to ignore, namely the slower metabolism and weight gain, among others. I counter those pretty well with weights and running, and although bothersome at times, I manage.

The more worrisome ones are urinary retention and esophagus contractions.

I know a lot of guys that get that stubborn drip of pee even after furiously shaking your junk. But in my case I finish peeing and I can feel my bladder muscles involuntarily holding back some , only to let loose once I zip up and start washing my hands.

The other one is the scariest. It happens when I'm eating and especially if I'm tense.

Anxiett only exacerbates it, so it logically becomes self perpetuating unless I actively try to relax. Otherwise it gets so tight and so painful I'll just eject whatever bottlenecks in my throat/chest.

I'm currently at 150mg and wondering if my ruminations and body awareness are flaring up due to increased body mass and tolerance.

Should I ask my doctor to continue/increase or discontinue altogether?

If nobody has chimed in, I would suggest that this information be shared with a professional with respect to your continued safety and health.

 

[killdatninja]

GAF, I'm sorry to report that NIGHT- is no longer with us, thank you all who tried to point him in the right direction. I don't know any details, or even if the family knows any details. I've known NIGHT- for over 15 years, this is not the memory I will have of him, I'm going to miss you Derek... Now you're making me not only mourn but have to notify the family of possibly your last words. I really wish you would of just told us.

 

[Krammy]

GAF, I'm sorry to report that NIGHT- is no longer with us, thank you all who tried to point him in the right direction. I don't know any details, or even if the family knows any details. I've known NIGHT- for over 15 years, this is not the memory I will have of him, I'm going to miss you Derek... Now you're making me not only mourn but have to notify the family of possibly your last words. I really wish you would of just told us.

As someone who's kept up with NIGHT-'s struggle with his ex for awhile now, that's sad to hear. I'll take some solace knowing that he's probably in a better place now.

 

[Violet_0]

GAF, I'm sorry to report that NIGHT- is no longer with us, thank you all who tried to point him in the right direction. I don't know any details, or even if the family knows any details. I've known NIGHT- for over 15 years, this is not the memory I will have of him, I'm going to miss you Derek... Now you're making me not only mourn but have to notify the family of possibly your last words. I really wish you would of just told us.

I'm sorry for you, man, and for everyone who knew him. My condolences. To everyone out there who is struggling with similar thoughts, please don't give up, it's never too late to turn your life around

 

[SugarDave]

I was prescribed 10mg Citalopram almost two weeks ago now and I start my new job tomorrow. Fucking shitting bricks, I wish I was able to be enthusiastic about things people usually consider a positive.

GAF, I'm sorry to report that NIGHT- is no longer with us, thank you all who tried to point him in the right direction. I don't know any details, or even if the family knows any details. I've known NIGHT- for over 15 years, this is not the memory I will have of him, I'm going to miss you Derek... Now you're making me not only mourn but have to notify the family of possibly your last words. I really wish you would of just told us.

I'm so sorry to hear this, man. I've seen many of his posts over the last couple of months and was silently rooting for him to turn things around. My condolences.

 

[Astral Dog]

My dad has done similar in the past. He just can't understand the idea that someone can't have complete control of their mind. Everything wrong with me is "just in my head" and I "need to get over it".

When someone is struggling you'd think that their parents would be the ones to always be there to support them.

That's rough, i had my mom just cut me off completely a few months back for similar reasons. Thought i was "faking" it to be lazy. She was assisting with financial aid while i'm in back in school too, its going to be really difficult going forward. I had to hit up the food bank and a soup kitchen a couple of times this month. Its a shame there is such a stigma over mental health, it can be crippling for me at times.

Does anyone have a fun web comic or something they'd recommend? I really need something to cheer me up.

So my Dad told me he didn't believe in my mental and physical issues.

Great.

this is the worst, even worse when someone with clear mental health issues says it against you. why people cant, simply respect each other

GAF, I'm sorry to report that NIGHT- is no longer with us, thank you all who tried to point him in the right direction. I don't know any details, or even if the family knows any details. I've known NIGHT- for over 15 years, this is not the memory I will have of him, I'm going to miss you Derek... Now you're making me not only mourn but have to notify the family of possibly your last words. I really wish you would of just told us.

im sorry, this is horrible,whatever problem he had, seemed to be solvable.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

this is the worst, even worse when someone with clear mental health issues says it against you. why people cant, simply respect each other


im sorry, this is horrible,whatever problem he had, seemed to be solvable.

I can't believe NIGHT is gone. I'll say a prayer for him tonight. I've seen his posts over the years...

It's tragic how little information is out there to understand mental health in a way that those who can't empathise can at least value it and be able to be supportive to others suffering.

My dad has done similar in the past. He just can't understand the idea that someone can't have complete control of their mind. Everything wrong with me is "just in my head" and I "need to get over it".

When someone is struggling you'd think that their parents would be the ones to always be there to support them.

That's rough, i had my mom just cut me off completely a few months back for similar reasons. Thought i was "faking" it to be lazy. She was assisting with financial aid while i'm in back in school too, its going to be really difficult going forward. I had to hit up the food bank and a soup kitchen a couple of times this month. Its a shame there is such a stigma over mental health, it can be crippling for me at times.

Does anyone have a fun web comic or something they'd recommend? I really need something to cheer me up.

Well, it wasn't just the mental issues, apparently he doesn't believe in my physical disabilities either(Fibromyalgia, Systemic Rheumatoid Arthritis) or how I can be so exhausted and tired.

Thanks for the comforting words.

 

[JDHarbs]

GAF, I'm sorry to report that NIGHT- is no longer with us, thank you all who tried to point him in the right direction. I don't know any details, or even if the family knows any details. I've known NIGHT- for over 15 years, this is not the memory I will have of him, I'm going to miss you Derek... Now you're making me not only mourn but have to notify the family of possibly your last words. I really wish you would of just told us.

Horrific news. I definitely related to the struggles that he would discuss here. Maybe I could've done more to help.

 

[jb1234]

Should a thread be started for NIGHT in OT? I'm only wary because of the cause of death. Suicide has a way of making people really reactionary and judgmental.

 

[half a moon]

RIP :/

 

[Ledhead]

Very sorry to hear about -NIGHT. RIP

I hope the rest of you are holding in there. I haven't posted here in a while but want to wish all of you the very best. Keep fighting, stay strong.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

GAF, I'm sorry to report that NIGHT- is no longer with us, thank you all who tried to point him in the right direction. I don't know any details, or even if the family knows any details. I've known NIGHT- for over 15 years, this is not the memory I will have of him, I'm going to miss you Derek... Now you're making me not only mourn but have to notify the family of possibly your last words. I really wish you would of just told us.

RIP

 

[Spectone]

GAF, I'm sorry to report that NIGHT- is no longer with us, thank you all who tried to point him in the right direction. I don't know any details, or even if the family knows any details. I've known NIGHT- for over 15 years, this is not the memory I will have of him, I'm going to miss you Derek... Now you're making me not only mourn but have to notify the family of possibly your last words. I really wish you would of just told us.

Fuck!

 

[Jonogunn]

Omg...

I'm so sorry everyone who knew him. I never knew him but I love gaf and as a fellow suffering of mental health it saddens me so much to hear this.

I'm currently at church and I will pray my heart out for him.

 

[JDHarbs]

Should a thread be started for NIGHT in OT? I'm only wary because of the cause of death. Suicide has a way of making people really reactionary and judgmental.

I can't speak for what he would want, but I feel like most would want something good to come out of their passing. A chance to help spread some awareness of the importance behind mental health struggles on one of the most popular sites on the internet just might help.

If people react negatively then the mods can deal with them.

 

[jb1234]

I can't speak for what he would want, but I feel like most would want something good to come out of their passing. A chance to help spread some awareness of the importance behind mental health struggles on one of the most popular sites on the internet just might help.

If people react negatively then the mods can deal with them.

Good points. Jam86 seems to have known him the best. Maybe he'll want to start a thread. I don't feel like I have enough context to do justice to one, personally.

 

[User 479360]

Rest in peace, NIGHT-. I hope you're in a better place.

My condolences to those who knew him, and my apologies for not doing more. I hadn't been visiting this thread much as of late, and should've replied more.

 

[Ashes]

Raising awareness is fine I think.

Though I very much dislike this idea of suicidal gaffers getting their own thread. This isn't out of spite but out of fear of suicidal ideation and the threat of copy cat suicides.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Fucking hell. Just heard the news. RIP NIGHT. You will be missed.

 

[Ashes]

Fucking hell. Just heard the news. RIP NIGHT. You will be missed.

There is no sense in saying rest in peace. It's not sleep, nor is it peaceful, nor is it rest. It's self destruction. And leaves a lot of collateral damage in its wake.

I am sorry that he couldn't reach out to someone. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary feelings.

At the very least, somebody in this thread could had listened if he only reached out.

 

[jb1234]

There is no sense in saying rest in peace. It's not sleep, nor is it peaceful, nor is it rest. It's self destruction. And leaves a lot of collateral damage in its wake.

I am sorry that he couldn't reach out to someone. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary feelings.

At the very least, somebody in this thread could had listened if he only reached out.

This reaction is exactly why I'm afraid of making a thread.

 

[Krammy]

At the very least, somebody in this thread could had listened if he only reached out.

He did reach out, to me and I'm sure to many other people in this thread. We've spoken to him here, we've spoken in the threads he's made, and we've spoken to him via PM.

Believe it or not, listening and talking can only take someone so far.

 

[Ashes]

This reaction is exactly why I'm afraid of making a thread.

Sorry if I came across blunt. I've written about 40 thousand words on the subject the past 28 days for NaNoWriMo. And read about over 100 suicides in some considerable detail in that time.

That's to say I'm more desensitised on the topic than usual. Rather than more capable of sharing any knowledge.

He did reach out, to me and I'm sure to many other people in this thread. We've spoken to him here, we've spoken in the threads he's made, and we've spoken to him via PM.

Believe it or not, listening and talking can only take someone so far.

I meant on the last occasion.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

There is no sense in saying rest in peace. It's not sleep, nor is it peaceful, nor is it rest. It's self destruction. And leaves a lot of collateral damage in its wake.

I am sorry that he couldn't reach out to someone. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary feelings.

At the very least, somebody in this thread could had listened if he only reached out.

Eh. I usually say RIP when someone passes. As do most people I think. Didnt really give too much thought into how it would come off as inappropriate to say after someone has passed. Its just sad and I felt like saying something.

 

[Ashes]

Eh. I usually say RIP when someone passes. As do most people I think. Didnt really give too much thought into how it would come off as inappropriate to say after someone has passed. Its just sad and I felt like saying something.

Ah I see.

 

[CheesecakeRecipe]

Raising awareness is fine I think.

Though I very much dislike this idea of suicidal gaffers getting their own thread. This isn't out of spite but out of fear of suicidal ideation and the threat of copy cat suicides.

There was a soft-ban instated on suicide related threads by the staff a year or two ago, in response to a rise of distressing OT topics being made by suicidal gaffers and the worry that they were feeding negativity - which could lead towards ideation. While those usually turned out okay in the end, this is a different case in that NIGHT- has already passed away. Threads letting the community know a well known member has died were not, as far as I know, banned, but those few have been by medical or accidental causes. If anyone does think they would like to make a thread, I would recommend PMing a staff member to ask if the circumstances would allow for it before doing so.

All the best for those NIGHT- left behind. I wish things could have turned out better for everyone involved.

 

[Ashes]

Seems like the best way to go about it. It'd be good to know what GAF policy is. And also chase up on how GAF overlords are training moderators to specifically deal with suicidal gaffers. Such training shouldn't cost so much and be of a great benefit. I know we already have moderators who come and go in the thread too.

It's one of the less expected sides to having a popular forum. But GAF can be a force for good and a force for hope.

And in that respect, this thread does help. I can guarantee that it has helped some people out. I don't even recall giving my own email out, but it's out there. And people do sometimes just want to talk.

 

[jb1234]

I just don't want him to be forgotten.