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NeoGAF Anonymous Confessions 2014 - Confessember Be Upon Us - Under New Management

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N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
TLDR: Simp gets dumped by girlfriend, stalks her, waits six years for revenge, and then fucks her mom and tapes it.

I am the guy who takes over your shift for you and smiles. I am the guy who you can phone in the middle of the night, totally wasted - and i will discuss the problem of global overpopulation with you. If you need some money - i have over, no prob, just give it back when you can. All the people in my vicinity like me, and even if not - i dont care, the world is full of other people.

But.

I may be the most unvorgiving person in a 500km radius. If someone pissed on my leg, i will remember that. And one day, the day you will enjoy your life and may have completely forgotten about my existence, your shit will come back to you. Not many people know about this facette of my personality, and those who do - i trust them with my life. (Really, i do. Two times i did and i still live.)

My exexex-girlfriend was a spoiled woman. Not that i cared. I loved her like i never loved anyone before. We were together for almost 6 years. Two months after we got in an engagement, i found out she was sleeping with a ... lets say a guy who could not even form a sentence without the equivalent of "YO" and "FUCK" in german. 6 months the only things i did was to get drunk, sober up and get drunk again. Even planned to kill myself, but just before i jumped, i realised my little brother will need me in the future. So i didnt.

Two years pass. I have multiple shadow-facebook accounts and stalk her life. I am waiting, waiting for the opening for my move. I the meantime, she moved together with said guy and left again after four months. Then another one, three months. Little dots of glee colouring my daily routine. She gets fired. Get a new job, she moves again. I wait. I wait and observe, managing my life, new girlfriends and woman.

I get in contact with her mother on FB. "Ohhhh R.! Long time no see! What happened, tell me! Blablablabla." We exchange messages at times, meaningless words which are only used by me to get more information.

Another 6 years pass.

Her mother changes her status to "Divorced". I message her my condolences (sp?), she answers with a long winded message about how her man was a self-righteous asshole and cheated on her multiple times. I can relate to that, somewhat. We get on the phone. I comfort her, i assure her it is not "over". She has two daughters to live for!
Yes, i know the feeling of being betrayed by a person you were so close for for so long. I know it hurts.

We phone for almost 10 hours (had to change phone batteries after four hours, lol). At the end she stopped crying and i invited her for a talk, maybe someday? If you want to speak your shit off your soul, i will listen. She agrees. I drive over 450km in the night, get some sleep and meet her. She talks and cries. I listen and comfort her.

Last weeeked i slept with the mother of my exexex-gf. It was probably the strangest but very enjoyable experience for both sides. I filmed the whole thing, because i prepared the hotel room before. With 3 cameras.

My exexex has the complete edited movie, with sound now. As i know her, this will fuck her head up even more than before.
Her mother is the only parent part she were ever close to. And now, this part is tainted. By my dick.


I can not brush my smile away. Since monday, i feel a bit more complete. The ex got what she deserved and R. got the feeling of being desirable by a (relatively) yound man.

Life is good.

PS: Mother is 46, i am 31. I have some more stuff to write, but...maybe later.
Click to expand...

You're a fucking psycho.
 
P

Pickman

Member
I treat my girl like shit. Seriously, I do, and I don't mean to do it. I don't care about her opinions, I make fun of things she likes to the point where she doesn't even do them anymore. For example, I did nothing but berate her about liking How I Met Your Mother. Now, thanks to me, she doesn't do it anymore. She had a website with her art on it, and she took it down because of how I said it looked very outdated and silly.

I'm an asshole, and I don't know why. I guess I get it from my father, who's the same way. I've tried to beat it, but I keep putting my foot in my mouth before I even have a chance to think about what I was gonna say. Quite frankly, I'm amazed she's still with me. Had someone been like that to me, I would have kicked their ass out a long time ago.

My hope for the new year is to learn to be more tolerant of what other people like.
Click to expand...

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1uwqcHpanEd
 
C

CreeperBlocks

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
TLDR: Simp gets dumped by girlfriend, stalks her, waits six years for revenge, and then fucks her mom and tapes it.



You're a fucking psycho.
Click to expand...

WOW.
AWtSMhQ.gif
 
D

dani_dc

Member
We phone for almost 10 hours (had to change phone batteries after four hours, lol). At the end she stopped crying and i invited her for a talk, maybe someday? If you want to speak your shit off your soul, i will listen. She agrees. I drive over 450km in the night, get some sleep and meet her. She talks and cries. I listen and comfort her.
Click to expand...

.... Well that's some dedication.

I think you might have the wrong priorities in life.
 
N

Necrovex

Member
You chaps realize we are now on this Gaffer's shit list for criticizing him, and he will stalk us, bang our mothers, and send us tapes of it. :(
 
C

CloudWolf

Member
jasonng said:
It's funny you reference that. There's a belief that every guy has the Oedipus complex in that we all have a repressed urge to sleep with our mothers. Apparently that's why guys sought after girls that share common traits with their moms.

I definitely don't believe that but it's a thing.
Click to expand...
Freud said some weird stuff.
 
P

Pickman

Member
I'm the biggest simp in the world. I know it and yet I can't leave this girl alone. She's my ex. We were together for over a year. She left me but we've been courting again for the last year. I'm pissed at myself for not just dropping her but I can't walk away. I take care of her, buy her her much needed prescriptions, buy her groceries when she's got literally nothing to eat. We were talking about getting married at one point but since I've been trying to get back with her she's not even kissed me. I don't know how I put up with it this long but I'm tired of feeling like a chump.
Click to expand...

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1D0xzlgGlQf
 
V

vicissitudes

Banned
Fiction said:
jWTMZ.gif
Click to expand...

Virtue #1: His girlfriend cheated on him when they were engaged. He got her back in an amazing way.
Virtue #2: He emailed his story and gave me entertainment.

NotTheGuyYouKill needs to stop spoiling these confessions though. At least put the TLDR after the post.
 
I

IronRinn

Member
I am the guy who takes over your shift for you and smiles. I am the guy who you can phone in the middle of the night, totally wasted - and i will discuss the problem of global overpopulation with you. If you need some money - i have over, no prob, just give it back when you can. All the people in my vicinity like me, and even if not - i dont care, the world is full of other people.

But.

I may be the most unvorgiving person in a 500km radius. If someone pissed on my leg, i will remember that. And one day, the day you will enjoy your life and may have completely forgotten about my existence, your shit will come back to you. Not many people know about this facette of my personality, and those who do - i trust them with my life. (Really, i do. Two times i did and i still live.)

My exexex-girlfriend was a spoiled woman. Not that i cared. I loved her like i never loved anyone before. We were together for almost 6 years. Two months after we got in an engagement, i found out she was sleeping with a ... lets say a guy who could not even form a sentence without the equivalent of "YO" and "FUCK" in german. 6 months the only things i did was to get drunk, sober up and get drunk again. Even planned to kill myself, but just before i jumped, i realised my little brother will need me in the future. So i didnt.

Two years pass. I have multiple shadow-facebook accounts and stalk her life. I am waiting, waiting for the opening for my move. I the meantime, she moved together with said guy and left again after four months. Then another one, three months. Little dots of glee colouring my daily routine. She gets fired. Get a new job, she moves again. I wait. I wait and observe, managing my life, new girlfriends and woman.

I get in contact with her mother on FB. "Ohhhh R.! Long time no see! What happened, tell me! Blablablabla." We exchange messages at times, meaningless words which are only used by me to get more information.

Another 6 years pass.

Her mother changes her status to "Divorced". I message her my condolences (sp?), she answers with a long winded message about how her man was a self-righteous asshole and cheated on her multiple times. I can relate to that, somewhat. We get on the phone. I comfort her, i assure her it is not "over". She has two daughters to live for!
Yes, i know the feeling of being betrayed by a person you were so close for for so long. I know it hurts.

We phone for almost 10 hours (had to change phone batteries after four hours, lol). At the end she stopped crying and i invited her for a talk, maybe someday? If you want to speak your shit off your soul, i will listen. She agrees. I drive over 450km in the night, get some sleep and meet her. She talks and cries. I listen and comfort her.

Last weeeked i slept with the mother of my exexex-gf. It was probably the strangest but very enjoyable experience for both sides. I filmed the whole thing, because i prepared the hotel room before. With 3 cameras.

My exexex has the complete edited movie, with sound now. As i know her, this will fuck her head up even more than before.
Her mother is the only parent part she were ever close to. And now, this part is tainted. By my dick.


I can not brush my smile away. Since monday, i feel a bit more complete. The ex got what she deserved and R. got the feeling of being desirable by a (relatively) yound man.

Life is good.

PS: Mother is 46, i am 31. I have some more stuff to write, but...maybe later.
Click to expand...

Sooooooo you filmed someone without their consent and then gave the evidence to someone who has every reason to hate you? Congrats!

Also, yeah, you're a psycho.
 
P

Pickman

Member
But personally I went a step further. Ive already fantasized about having sex with a horse. But not some stinky real horse. I imagined it to be a clean, parfume-covered, cute horse with a human-like mind (maybe like Celestia). And thats kinda hot. Tbh, I dont know what im confessing here for again, I guess I just wanted to point out some of the hypocricy going around.
Click to expand...

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1ZGMtsm11Wc

Only recorded the ass end of this one because I couldn't say the first half with a straight face.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
vicissitudes said:
Virtue #1: His girlfriend cheated on him when they were engaged. He got her back in an amazing way.
Virtue #2: He emailed his story and gave me entertainment.

NotTheGuyYouKill needs to stop spoiling these confessions though. At least put the TLDR after the post.
Click to expand...

I feel the need to soften the gut punches sometimes.
 
P

Pickman

Member
Hi GAF,

I'm a female in her 20's and been a lurker for almost 6 years and have a crush on a poster. I know he doesn't have a partner and been wanting for a while now to "end up" in one of the places that London GAF meet-up in and just talk to him (and take him home) but it seems too creepy/stalkerish and rude as he's there for a meet up.

I should just admire from afar shouldn't I?
Click to expand...

http://vocaroo.com/i/s10dqcupq64j
 
B

Boogalogist

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
TLDR: Simp gets dumped by girlfriend, stalks her, waits six years for revenge, and then fucks her mom and tapes it.



You're a fucking psycho.
Click to expand...

Wow. The lengths in which he preps his revenge. Preparing the hotel room in advance. Lol. I'd say this guy has great gifts... better if he can channel them more positively.
 
terrisus

terrisus

Member
Fiction said:
His girlfriend cheated on him, and instead of doing like the millions of other people who have that happen and moving on with his life, he stalked her for years, then involved a totally unrelated party, preyed on her while she was vulnerable, and then filmed having sex with her without her consent in order to get revenge on the nearly decade old ex.

Sure, total hero. Not a crazy person at all.
Click to expand...

Not to mention, at ~10 years per event, he has time for another 4 or 5 of these before he dies.
That's certainly a great use of one's life.
 
C

CoolOff

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
TLDR: Simp gets dumped by girlfriend, stalks her, waits six years for revenge, and then fucks her mom and tapes it.

You're a fucking psycho.
Click to expand...

Jeez.

"A day will come when you think yourself safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you'll know the debt is paid.”
 
A

Aaron-Lagann

Banned
I stole a Gamecube Memory Card from a Goodwill last year. Thought it was a little odd that I didn't feel any remorse or anything at all, which led me to realize some bad shit about myself though memories that made more sense, so now I'm seeking help for a touch of the crazies.

Seems like quite a few people in this thread should seek this same help.
 
P

Pickman

Member
Pickman said:
Y'know what? I'll go non-anonymous.

About ten years ago I was forced to go 'roughing it' camping in a state park nearby. It's basically a shit ton of Florida spruce pine and cabbage palms with mosquitos and snakes and raccoons. I hated it. We were only out there for two days, so I figured I could make it without needing to shit in the woods. Toward the middle of the second day it was really hot and I really, really had to shit. We were near a small area where the overflow parking was for people with RVs. I went up to the first one I saw there and knocked on the door, looking around but no one was to be found. I ended up trying the door and when it was unlocked I just went inside. It must have been an easy 110 degrees in the camper, and I was already sweating bad so it only got worse.

I dropped trou, parked it in their narrow stall of a shitter, and proceeded to blast out what can only be described as a torrent of shit-slurry. It wasn't liquid like diarrhea, just loose and sputtery. It went on for a solid minute before it let up, and I was literally shaking. The sweat on my body had turned ice cold and my face was on fire, and I could barely wipe my ass. Finally I stood up, leaving their tiny bathroom coated in my sweat, and flushed.

I don't know if they simply hadn't been there long enough to get any gray water for the toilet accumulated or if they didn't bother filling it because they didn't use their camper crapper, but only a sputter of water came out and made the toilet paper wet on top of my massive dook. It just made the paper form-fit over a small portion of my abomination like someone had made brown mashed potatoes and dropped a pad of butter on top.

Not knowing what to do, I just buckled my shorts up and bolted. As soon as I got outside, I spotted a public use bathroom about a hundred feet down the trail that I'd missed when I came upon the RV.

I made the 10 or 15 minute walk back to my friends and have never told a soul about this until now.

TL;DR: I broke into someone's unattended RV at a campsite to take a huge, horrible shit and then the toilet couldn't flush so I just ran away.
Click to expand...


http://vocaroo.com/i/s1QT0m5TRFpj

A little vanity. Here's mine.
 
D

dani_dc

Member
Fiction said:
His girlfriend cheated on him, and instead of doing like the millions of other people who have that happen and moving on with his life, he stalked her for years, then involved a totally unrelated party, preyed on her while she was vulnerable, and then filmed having sex with her without her consent in order to get revenge on the nearly decade old ex.

Sure, total hero. Not a crazy person at all.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure if it would had been better or worst if he had married the ex-mother just for the sake of revenge.
 
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