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[Rapstah]

In addition to never having watched most movies, I've also never (literally never) listened to a "podcast" (which I still think is an absurd name for what is basically just a digital radio show)

There's probably a newsletter or a crazy guy with a sign out there for people like you.

 

[IronRinn]

Alright Confessor most recent. I am a psych student but I read a lot for my field so let me put some of your concerns to rest:

Repressed memories are bullshit, they don't exist. Like, 99% certainty that they don't and that's more certain than a lot of things psychology is certain about.

Going to a shrink is exactly what you need, just so you're not surprised, you have some baggage and things you need to work through, but nothing is wrong with you. If you have some sort of mental issues that's not an inherent flaw in who you are, that's something that happened to you and is still having an effect on you. The therapist isn't going to rush you off to the psych ward anymore than a doctor would rush you off to isolation for being ill with, say, the flu. You don't have mental ebola, you are (probably) not a danger to yourself or others. They won't judge you harshly and make you feel shitty. They are there to help, and everyone needs help sometimes, they're doctors like any other, even the mind part of you needs some healin' sometimes. It is okay to need help dealing with things, we are all human and sometimes our shitty pasts can make it hard to move forward. There is no shame in that, you can NOT help the things that happened to you as a young child, and you can NOT help that they had an effect on you as an adult. I know it can be scary, but you're going to be okay, and you'll have someone to talk to that can help. It'll be ok.

Quoting this because it is all really good, but especially for the repressed memory commentary.

To the confessor: I cannot imagine having had to go through that. To have made it this far after that kind of upbringing makes you a way stronger person than me. Talking to a professional is the best thing you can do. It takes someone helping to truly deal with shit that heavy but it's going to be so worth it. Good luck, dude.

 

[terrisus]

There's probably a newsletter or a crazy guy with a sign out there for people like you.

I'm still subscribed to a couple of email mailing lists with newsletter digests... >.>

 

[John Kowalski]

Confession: I've never seen 99% of classic movies.
Citizen Kane, The Godfather, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Rocky, Jaws, Rain Man, Ferris Bueller's Day Off and a million others that people constantly reference.

A lot of those will go right over your head if you're not invested in cinema as strongly as to try and understand the influence and value of each of those, because without that, many of them are merely entertaining. I've never actually seen the entirety of 2001 but i have read and seen a number of extensive analyses of it, which proved to be far more entertaining than the movie itself.

 

[Masquerader]

This is long, so a TLDR:

Spoiler

Guy is afraid that he's mentally ill/bipolar and has a horribly shitty and abusive childhood and is now going to see a therapist and is terrified about it.

Wow, that's... that's really shitty. Damn.

I hope the shrink appointment goes well for you. I hope they can help you with stopping to avoid all your personal relationships.... your family might suck, but there are good people out there. You don't have to cut yourself off from the world. You've had a raw deal, but at least you're mostly self-sufficient now, right?

And beer does taste like piss, so I consider all beer drinkers to like the taste of piss, it's fine.

Sorry I'm late, and I'm very sorry to hear your predicament. Don't worry, going to see a therapist about it is probably the best course of action possible. You're going to have to muster up some courage, but things sound like they got a lot better for you, and talking to the therapist will help you progress further. You're strong, you survived this long and with proper morality intact. Now you're on the right track, so keep at it.

... You're a real inspiration. I mean it.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

A lot of those will go right over your head if you're not invested in cinema as strongly as to try and understand the influence and value of each of those, because without that, many of them are merely entertaining. I've never actually seen the entirety of 2001 but i have read and seen a number of extensive analyses of it, which proved to be far more entertaining than the movie itself.

So you'd rather read about it rather than actually do it?

 

[John Kowalski]

So you'd rather read about it rather than actually do it?

If the criticism is more entertaining than the movie, yeah. I'm not invested in it enough to want an opinion of my own, so i don't much care anyway.

 

[Psychotext]

I didn't particularly enjoy 2001. I'm sure it was groundbreaking / stand-out for all sorts of reasons, but I didn't enjoy it.

 

[butzopower]

I just saw 2001 last week in a theatre and y'all are objectively wrong. That movie is absolutely sensational. A cinematomic masterpiece. I confess my love of it!

 

[NeOak]

I just saw 2001 last week in a theatre and y'all are objectively wrong. That movie is absolutely sensational. A cinematomic masterpiece. I confess my love of it!

I tried to watch it.

I turned it off at the middle. So much talk and talk and talk.

 

[weemadarthur]

I didn't particularly enjoy 2001. I'm sure it was groundbreaking / stand-out for all sorts of reasons, but I didn't enjoy it.

I tried to watch it.

There was this bit with monkeys. I thought maybe the vcr tape was started too early and got some nature show accidentally. So I put it in fast forward, figuring I'd watch the meat of the show as it scrolled by. I recognized 2 bits of movie magic with zero gravity that must have been unbelievable in the day. Then nothing happened for so long I just gave up and turned it off.

 

[thezerofire]

you guys are killing me

 

[DUFFMCWALIN]

Too late.

My type of girl.

 

[HGStormy]

A lot of those will go right over your head if you're not invested in cinema as strongly as to try and understand the influence and value of each of those, because without that, many of them are merely entertaining. I've never actually seen the entirety of 2001 but i have read and seen a number of extensive analyses of it, which proved to be far more entertaining than the movie itself.

I have no interest in ever watching them .-.
I don't even like watching modern movies. Mostly because I don't have anyone to watch them with and watching movies alone is sad.

I've never heard this one. So, you think the physical place America literally isn't there? The Atlantic Ocean just keeps going until it meets the Pacific?

It's like the island in Lost.

 

[Aurongel]

ITT: People confuse art house for blockbuster.

 

[StMeph]

ITT: People confuse art house for blockbuster.

lol

I didn't want to say it.

 

[HGStormy]

ITT: People confuse art house for blockbuster.

lol

I didn't want to say it.

Mind explaining for uneducated morons like me?

 

[butzopower]

My public confession is that I'm a wannabe movie snob, but don't actually care enough to spend the time watching them. I have a year subscription to mubi that I don't use, and I really only see a new movie like every six months.

 

[Psychotext]

Mind explaining for uneducated morons like me?

You're not supposed to enjoy it. It's supposed to be a cerebral / artistic experience.

Think of it like watching a particularly obscure game that you need years of training to understand the subtleties of.

Spoiler

Some of the artistic stuff manages to be genuinely enjoyable too, but I suspect it's looked down upon by the cinephiles and critics.

 

[StMeph]

Mind explaining for uneducated morons like me?

You're not supposed to enjoy it. It's supposed to be a cerebral / artistic experience.

Think of it like watching a particularly obscure game that you need years of training to understand the subtleties of.

Spoiler

Some of the artistic stuff manages to be genuinely enjoyable too, but I suspect it's looked down upon by the cinephiles and critics.

I agree and disagree. It's not a matter of snobbery, but that they're very different movies from your average Hollywood film, much less summer blockbusters. They're not action driven, and they're sometimes not even plot driven, and that might not be what you're looking for in a movie. That's fine, because you should be entitled to enjoy the kind of films you like, but there isn't a special interpretation to 2001 that will make you suddenly enjoy it or for it to suddenly make sense.

Going into one of these films with the same expectations or that all movies are alike and should be judged similarly will result in a bad time.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

My type of girl.

Oh yeah

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

My public confession is that I'm a wannabe movie snob, but don't actually care enough to spend the time watching them. I have a year subscription to mubi that I don't use, and I really only see a new movie like every six months.

My public confession is that my only exposure to arthouse was through Brows Held High.

 

[John Kowalski]

You're not supposed to enjoy it. It's supposed to be a cerebral / artistic experience.

Think of it like watching a particularly obscure game that you need years of training to understand the subtleties of.

Spoiler

Some of the artistic stuff manages to be genuinely enjoyable too, but I suspect it's looked down upon by the cinephiles and critics.

i am greatly disturbed by your notion that you aren't supposed to enjoy artistically minded movies or whatever else brother

 

[Psychotext]

It's ok if you do. Don't feel bad.

 

[Pau]

The first section of 2001 is more interesting in the novel. I just skip it when I watch the movie. :/

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

2001 is so slow but that nutty ending is worth it.

 

[Orbis Tabula]

I have also not seen a whole ton of well-known movies. The thing is, they're all so pervasive in pop culture that I can get by without having seen them. The things people tend to reference are the things everybody already knows. So I just pretend I know because it's easier than going through the same conversation every single time it comes up.
"Wait, you've never seen ____?!"
"No..."
"Why not!?"
"I just haven't. I'm not avoiding it or anything."
"You've seriously never seen it!?"
"Seriously. It's that hard to believe?"
"We're totally gonna have to watch it sometime."
And then it's like you have a new obligation. So I just say I have seen it. Most conversations are just people telling my their opinions of the movie. Or asking for someone to agree with their opinion. I can tell when I'm supposed to say yes or no or when I'm supposed to laugh. If something happens that actually stumps me, I just say "Man, I can't remember. I haven't seen it in a while." Or if I'm really out of my depth I use the classic "I've seen most of it, but never really in one sitting. Like, it's always on tv, so I'll catch 20 minutes here, 30 minutes there..." I've gotten pretty far in life like this.

 

[jdouglas]

Ever do that thing where a girl was just polite or smiled at you in the hallway and you fell in love all over again and imagined an entire life together?

CRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGE

Yeah... I had a few of these. Recent one I kinda regret.

So I'd see a pretty girl and develop a "crush". I'd follow this up by catching her eye and giving a smile the next time I see her so I'm on her radar. After that, I'd try to catch her eye again at some point, and if she smiles, I'll approach her and introduce myself and blah blah blah... dating.

So there's this girl; I do the aforementioned things, but when I get to the introductions, she gets flustered and makes excuses to leave. Whatever. Then I make the effort to approach her again (on a different day) to try to just get her name. Same deal. At this point, I feel pretty down about myself and my self-esteem has taken a pretty big hit, because in my mind, she's giving me some positive signs, then rejects me out-of-hand.

Fast-forward to about a week ago, I'm eating lunch and I look up to meet her gaze. I notice her body shift towards me, her hand inch up as if to wave, and her mouth opens to say "hi", but instead of smiling and reciprocating, I glance back down at my food tell her that I have to go, thereby shutting down her advance.

Why did I do that? It was some of the most pointless, self-destructive bit of petty revenge I've had. Acquainting myself with her would have more than made up for the depressed feeling earlier for a net positive for us both, but instead, she was left rejected and I still didn't feel good.

Why did I do this? She was really attractive.

I suspect it was my pride or something. I couldn't escape the notion that if I had accepted her advance, after she had turned me down twice, I would be the submissive "bitch". Was I wrong to do so?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Yeah... I had a few of these. Recent one I kinda regret.

So I'd see a pretty girl and develop a "crush". I'd follow this up by catching her eye and giving a smile the next time I see her so I'm on her radar. After that, I'd try to catch her eye again at some point, and if she smiles, I'll approach her and introduce myself and blah blah blah... dating.

So there's this girl; I do the aforementioned things, but when I get to the introductions, she gets flustered and makes excuses to leave. Whatever. Then I make the effort to approach her again (on a different day) to try to just get her name. Same deal. At this point, I feel pretty down about myself and my self-esteem has taken a pretty big hit, because in my mind, she's giving me some positive signs, then rejects me out-of-hand.

Fast-forward to about a week ago, I'm eating lunch and I look up to meet her gaze. I notice her body shift towards me, her hand inch up as if to wave, and her mouth opens to say "hi", but instead of smiling and reciprocating, I glance back down at my food tell her that I have to go, thereby shutting down her advance.

Why did I do that? It was some of the most pointless, self-destructive bit of petty revenge I've had. Acquainting myself with her would have more than made up for the depressed feeling earlier for a net positive for us both, but instead, she was left rejected and I still didn't feel good.

Why did I do this? She was really attractive.

I suspect it was my pride or something. I couldn't escape the notion that if I had accepted her advance, after she had turned me down twice, I would be the submissive "bitch". Was I wrong to do so?

Yes. Idiot.

I'm sorry, that was harsh, but yes. It's not too late to fix things though!

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I cheated my way into Harvard Law School.

Graduated (without cheating). Passed my state bar.

But now I'm too anxious to apply for admission to the bar. I'm afraid they'll unearth my academic dishonesty during the background check.

How would they unearth it unless you were caught... or you plagiarized and they have some sort of plagiarizing checking machine.

Which they do.

 

[-Deimos]

Damn, it looks like I missed a really good confession a few pages back. I knew I shouldn't have waited to read them.

 

[Valhelm]

How would they unearth it unless you were caught... or you plagiarized and they have some sort of plagiarizing checking machine.

Which they do.

Not a big surprise, given what I've heard from people at Harvard.

 

[B-Dubs]

How would they unearth it unless you were caught... or you plagiarized and they have some sort of plagiarizing checking machine.

Which they do.

Well look guy, you cheated to get in sure but you got through all on your own. I presume you got someone to take your SAT for you, and unless they track the guy down they won't find out. Yea it's shitty but you put the work in and you obviously feel guilty about it. If I were you I'd apply for the bar and then when you get admitted go and do some pro-bono work or something that could make a difference for those less fortunate. Just take what you did wrong and use it as motivation to do something good with the rest of your life. Go help people.

Those programs are pretty commonplace these days, but I don't see how he could have plagiarized his way into college and not get caught.

 

[maomaoIYP]

Yeah... I had a few of these. Recent one I kinda regret.

So I'd see a pretty girl and develop a "crush". I'd follow this up by catching her eye and giving a smile the next time I see her so I'm on her radar. After that, I'd try to catch her eye again at some point, and if she smiles, I'll approach her and introduce myself and blah blah blah... dating.

So there's this girl; I do the aforementioned things, but when I get to the introductions, she gets flustered and makes excuses to leave. Whatever. Then I make the effort to approach her again (on a different day) to try to just get her name. Same deal. At this point, I feel pretty down about myself and my self-esteem has taken a pretty big hit, because in my mind, she's giving me some positive signs, then rejects me out-of-hand.

Fast-forward to about a week ago, I'm eating lunch and I look up to meet her gaze. I notice her body shift towards me, her hand inch up as if to wave, and her mouth opens to say "hi", but instead of smiling and reciprocating, I glance back down at my food tell her that I have to go, thereby shutting down her advance.

Why did I do that? It was some of the most pointless, self-destructive bit of petty revenge I've had. Acquainting myself with her would have more than made up for the depressed feeling earlier for a net positive for us both, but instead, she was left rejected and I still didn't feel good.

Why did I do this? She was really attractive.

I suspect it was my pride or something. I couldn't escape the notion that if I had accepted her advance, after she had turned me down twice, I would be the submissive "bitch". Was I wrong to do so?

I don't know man. If you accepted her advance some people would call you a simp or some shit and since you knew it was a pride issue I would just let it go.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

TLDR: The Boy Scouts of America is a fucking terrifying and shitty organization, also, fuck little kids.

Shit went down on a Boy Scout trip back around 2006. We were canoeing down the Suwanne river for five days and five nights. We'd make camp every night along the river and wake up at 7 to paddle down another stretch.

There were about ten scouts, as well as a 16-year-old sister, two dads, and our scoutmaster. The scouts were myself (aged thirteen), John (aged fifteen), Vinnie (aged sixteen), Bernie (aged fourteen), and Joshua (aged 12). I was a chubby, awkward Zelda nerd who rarely went outside. My dad put me in Scouts to harden me up, and I hated every minute of it. The other guys were loud, hairy, and vulgar, and not at all like the few friends I had at school. John was a huge, hulking fat kid with mild Asperger's and a massive anger problem. He broke quickly under pressure, and usually responded violently. Something happened on an earlier trip that made one of the dads put him into a headlock. Vinnie and Bernie were close friends, both of them stoners. I was kind of friendly with Bernie, but Vinnie's weed references and masturbation jokes made me uncomfortable. I had just turned thirteen, and wasn't used to that kind of bro humor.

Joshua was just a kid. He was twelve but could have passed for ten, with a little boy's close-cut hair and a pale face dotted with huge, dark freckles. On the car ride up he ran his mouth on and on about the Fairly Odd Parents, Spongebob, and other cartoons that the rest of us would not admit to still watching. He was soft in every sense of the word, softer than I was, and carried around this little Simpsons comic book everywhere.

The other scouts weren't as important. They were all average teens in every since of the word. The only one I should mention is this guy Jeff. Jeff was eighteen going on thirty, a six-foot-two latter-day goth, who wore dark clothes and made dark jokes. He had an iPod full of Slipknot and wore Cannibal Curse t-shirts every day. 13-year-old me was terrified of this guy, especially because it was whispered that he wasn't a virgin. The year before, he and his girlfriend ran away from home and hitchhiked all the way to Key West. His dad didn't take him back at first, so for about three months he actually lived with John, the fat kid with anger issues.

On Saturday night they packed us into the van like cattle, and we drove off into the wilderness. Jeff, Bernie, and Vinnie knew I was pretty innocent back then, so they kept making dumb jokes about how I was going to fuck women on the trip or something. At one stop, Vinnie (the lanky stoner) bought a condom from a gas station bathroom and slipped it into my bag. He then told my Scoutmaster that I bought a condom. I said that was bullshit and my face got red, and half the guys were laughing. Then Vinnie opened my bag and took it out. I thought I would get in trouble, but the Scoutmaster (a Biology professor, and also John's father) just laughed and made a joke about the Boy Scout motto: Be Prepared.

We were supposed to put in at some old guy's farm. He made a deal with our Scoutleader to lend us his land and a couple spare canoes, but we had to take his unemployed, 35-year-old nephew with him. This guy was named Chris. He was fatter than either John or his dad the Scoutmaster and unashamedly Redneck. This guy was as South as you get, and in east-central Florida guys like this were a dying breed. He and Jeff canoed together. I was with John, the huge autist. Vinnie and Bernie were in one canoe. I spent a lot of the time paddling alongside Chris, the redneck. He was this big, ugly, vulgar guy and represented everything I hated about Scouting and camping. He sang along the river with stupid songs pretty fucking inappropriate for some of the younger guys. The worst was "Row, row, row your dick, gently up her seam. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, fuck her 'till she screams."

At one point I saw a huge Confederate flag draped across two tree branches. Being an edgy thirteen year old, I said that I'd tear it down. I'm not sure why I didn't expect this, but Chris went off with all the anger of an unemployed white man, slowly losing his youth. "It's about heritage! Rebels fought hard! Damn liberals want to fuck up the South!" The whole time Jeff, who I think was racist, kept laughing at what was going on and saying ironic shit like "Amen, Sister!"

That first night we were at a soft beach along the river. We pitched our tents and the Scoutmaster cooked ghoulash over the stove. We made a fire on the beach and people made dick jokes and talked. I was bored and homesick, and this was just the first night. As I went to sleep (with the kid, Josh, in my tent) I heard Jeff sneaking into the tent of Danielle. She was 14 and the only girl on the trip. Her brother was around my age, and her dad was an assistant scoutmaster. It seemed like they made out for hours and it was hard to sleep.

The next day we went by these huge, great white cliffs. The river had sheared through the cliff, leaving bare stone and ivy. It was really beautiful. I felt like Indiana Jones, on some kind of jungle expedition. There could have been a riverside temple anywhere, and the screams of the birds almost sounded like whooping spider monkeys. For lunch we had soggy sandwiches and beef jerky alongside a cold freshwater spring. The Scoutmaster did a head count and realized two guys were missing. It was Vinnie and Bernie, the stoners. For an hour we waited and they didn't show up. One guy, the dad of the girl who tagged along, went alone to find them. They were laying on a rock by some inlet they had found. They fell asleep and lagged behind. We all knew they were smoking weed, but there was no way to prove it.

Josh started whining that night about how he wanted to go home. We all told him tough luck, because we were two days down the river and two days from our cars. He had to bear through it. He spent the whole night reading his Simpsons comic book, and when I was trying to sleep I heard him softly crying.

On day three it rained. And rained. And rained. We didn't bring any jackets, because it was July. We just had to paddle through the rain. John, the big kid, got fucking angry. He screamed and wailed about how he wanted to go home, to the embarassment of the scoutmaster. For lunch we stopped at a kind of campground with a shelter, the most civilization we'd seen since we left. John grabbed his dad's cellphone and called home. "MOM" he yelled, against the pouring rain. "IT'S RAINING SO FUCKING HARD. I'M CRYING. PICK ME UP." Bernie laughed at him, and John punched him in the face. The Scoutmaster didn't do shit because he was his son.

That night we hunkered down in our tents amidst the mud. Around 1 AM or so I had to piss, so I got out. The rain had mostly stopped. Chris, the 35-year-old bum, was sitting on a park bench in just a pair of boxers. He was smoking a cigarette and chatting with Jeff. I can't remember exactly what they said, but I remember Chris saying that his one ambition in life was to open a barbecue restaurant in his house. I noticed that he had a tattoo of a duck on his upper arm. I asked what it was for, and he said he got it after his first son died. SIDS.

On the fourth day tensions were pretty high. People were pissed off at John for "being a bitch" and for punching Bernie. Everyone else was mad at Vinnie and Bernie for making us wait the day before. And people picked on Josh for being a kid. I used to get that when I was his age, but not so much anymore. At one point while we canoed, Jeff grabbed a watergun and sprayed Josh. But it wasn't water. Instead, he got a faceful of mud and dirt. Later, while he ate lunch, Vinnie splashed water over him. It really pissed him off.

That night, we weren't in tents. We found a small campsite, and this old hippie let us stay in the cabins for a really low fee. The adults got drunk while the kids all stayed inside. Boy Scouts of America is a classy organization. Now, here comes the confession part. In the cabins, things got bad. I'm not sure what, but the older guys thought it would be funny to pretend to molest Josh, the 12-year-old. Apparently during the night Bernie fucked Josh's pillow and then rubbed his dick on Josh's face. When I woke up, Bernie was in my sleeping bag. No idea what happened that night, but Josh didn't want to talk about it. Before the sun rose, some guys told Josh they wanted t o show him something. It turned out there was a "hazing" ritual. These guys chased him through the fucking forest in his socks and beat him with sticks. I watched and I hit him once. I shouldn't have, but I did. He was scratched and bruised all over. But when the Scoutmaster asked what happened, Josh said he slipped in the mud. When they were paddling, the redneck Chris told Josh to stop whining and be a man, because he was upset about being sunburned and scratched.

On the last day we went to a civil war boat, sunken under a spring. I ended up fucking up my toenail by accidentally kicking a rusty nail. To this day, my big toe is fucked up. I guess that's karma? I could have told the Scoutmaster, but I didn't.

After we dropped Josh at his house, I never saw him again. I'm not sure how or what he's doing now.

Just. Wow. I don't know what to say. Everyone involved in this story is terrible except that poor Josh kid.

I am telling myself that it's just a decent work of short fiction that the Confessor wrote, cause honestly, it feels like you watched an episode of The Simpsons after reading this:

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

This person just wants advice about school. You could have just made a thread on this.

I'm currently in first year university in canada and am taking 4 courses/semester. My goal is trying to get into pharmacy. The dilemma is that I don't think my GPA will make it. I don't know what my current GPA is but the minimum requirement is a 3.5. I'm working a part time job 4/days a week (mandatory) and it's great. I'm making great money but because of that, I don't get enough time to study but I really don't want to lose the job. I honestly don't know what I should do. I am wondering if I should just withdrawal from my bad courses and just continue on from there. Or should I just withdrawal from all my courses, get a new job, and start fresh during the second semester.

I dunno. Talk to an advisor at school. It's their job to help you sort through this sort of stuff.

 

[Rest]

So, they "pretended" to molest a kid by molesting a kid?

 

[-Deimos]

TLDR: The Boy Scouts of America is a fucking terrifying and shitty organization, also, fuck little kids.



Just. Wow. I don't know what to say. Everyone involved in this story is terrible except that poor Josh kid.

I am telling myself that it's just a decent work of short fiction that the Confessor wrote, cause honestly, it feels like you watched an episode of The Simpsons after reading this:

This is actually a great story. I mean, other than the fact that it actually(?) happened.

This person just wants advice about school. You could have just made a thread on this.



I dunno. Talk to an advisor at school. It's their job to help you sort through this sort of stuff.

From experience, just drop a couple of courses and take an extra year or two. Don't drop out and don't fuck yourself over by taking more than you can handle.

 

[esms]

This person just wants advice about school. You could have just made a thread on this.



I dunno. Talk to an advisor at school. It's their job to help you sort through this sort of stuff.

I can't speak from personal experience, but my girlfriend was originally planning on being a pharmacist. According to her, it was incredibly grueling and, between a chronic disease, the coursework and the bitchy teachers, she couldn't take it and dropped out. This was in the US, however, so things may be different up north.

She got her Bachelors of Science in Biology and is currently getting her RN and she is extremely happy, even though she had to give up her original goal of being a pharmacist. I guess what I'm saying is have a back-up plan well thought out at this point. You may have to make a decision between work and school at some point.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Brb gonna fake a murder by actually killing someone.

 

[terrisus]

You're not supposed to enjoy it.

I don't get people sometimes >.>

 

[terrisus]

So I'd see a pretty girl and develop a "crush". I'd follow this up by catching her eye and giving a smile the next time I see her so I'm on her radar. After that, I'd try to catch her eye again at some point, and if she smiles, I'll approach her and introduce myself and blah blah blah... dating.

So there's this girl; I do the aforementioned things, but when I get to the introductions, she gets flustered and makes excuses to leave. Whatever. Then I make the effort to approach her again (on a different day) to try to just get her name. Same deal. At this point, I feel pretty down about myself and my self-esteem has taken a pretty big hit, because in my mind, she's giving me some positive signs, then rejects me out-of-hand.

Fast-forward to about a week ago, I'm eating lunch and I look up to meet her gaze. I notice her body shift towards me, her hand inch up as if to wave, and her mouth opens to say "hi"

 

[terrisus]

I cheated my way into Harvard Law School.

Graduated (without cheating). Passed my state bar.

Darn, we have a Harvard law graduate in here?

/jealous

 

[terrisus]

My goal is trying to get into pharmacy. The dilemma is that I don't think my GPA will make it. I don't know what my current GPA is

Piece of advice: Find out what your current GPA is.

 

[Elija2]

Non-Anonymous Confession: I cried the first time I heard Beth by KISS.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Non-Anonymous Confession: I cried the first time I heard Beth by KISS.

Beth by KISS is cryworthy?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

This one starts of cheerful, but... it is not.

Not even sure where to start.

I'm someone who on the outside is exceptionally happy, and very fortunate. I'm a professional in the games industry, heck there's even been GAF threads about stuff I've worked on. You guys know me and I love you seeing you guys a lot at local meetups and industry events. GAF has been my home for many, many years and it means a lot to me.

In the 'real world' the wife and I are often told how envious people are of us, what a happy, well adjusted couple we are. We both work hard, have successful careers, own a house in the suburbs and all that stuff. We get on great and have been married for over a decade. This is the definition of success to many people!

Here's the thing that I've come to realise over the last few months, and it sickens me to even type it - I'm full of hate for pretty much every element of my life.

I resent my wife for the fact she can't have children. YES I AM AWARE OF HOW MUCH OF A SHITBAG THAT MAKES ME. She got pregnant a few years ago, and we lost it a few weeks in, and honestly I kind of blame me and my day job for putting so much pressure on us during this period that it somehow affected her. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. At any rate ever since then (and the operations that resulted from losing the pregnancy) we've never been able to get pregnant again. Every time I see a kid running around the place I get angry thinking I'll never be a dad. Sooo fucking angry and anxious. Can't breathe angry and anxious. Can't see straight angry and anxious.

So I tried talking to her about this a few weeks ago. She cut me off and said I'm not allowed to be angry or anxious about anything because she can't handle me not being HER rock.So I resent her for that too, and just try to keep how I feel to myself at all times now. People ask me how I am and I say I'm fine and smile and get them to talk about themselves.

I resent her for cheating on me five years ago and I fucking hate myself for staying with her when I should have told her to walk. To this day i still imagine them together, even though it was 'only' that one time (as far as I know). Look, I get that people still find other people attractive, God knows I would cut off my left nut to spend a night with my cute-as-all-FUCK PA right now, but fuuuuck. I still get angry about this and that's just fucked. I think I stayed with her because I wanted kids and now THAT's not going to happen.

Maybe I'm just angry at being made to be OK with everything in order to keep the status quo. I'm not OK! I'm fucking angry that we can't have kids, that I'm stuck in the suburbs with a house I hate, that I have a crippling mortgage that means I can't do the things I want to do, that I have a wife who fucking cheated on me FOR NO FUCKING REASON, and that I'm not leading the life I want. It's not fucking fair and I am a spoiled little shit for wanting more than what I have and not being happy with how fortunate I am to be alive and healthy and loved.

So anyway thanks for reading and I hope the confessions thread gets people through dark days.

Wow, that... that really sucks. I'd say try to work it through with your wife, but you are really filled with bitterness and anger and resentment. Maybe you guys just aren't meant to be together. I mean, it isn't the life you want, and you're really angry and bitter... maybe it's best for you both to start again. I mean, you both might be happier.

You could at least nail the PA and not feel so shitty.

Yeah, there's no easy fix for this. These kind of feelings are hard to get back from from what I've seen of other people's lives. The thing about the kids, I really feel for you. Anger at her is irrational, but I can sympathize as to why you feel that way.

 

[Elija2]

Beth by KISS is cryworthy?

I cried over everything when I was a kid. One time I literally cried over spilled milk (and yes I recognized the non-irony of the situation which only made it worse).

 

[terrisus]

I resent my wife for the fact she can't have children. YES I AM AWARE OF HOW MUCH OF A SHITBAG THAT MAKES ME.

I'm fucking angry that we can't have kids

I'm not allowed to be angry or anxious about anything

I know that feel, bro.

 

[Psychotext]

Sadly that sounds like a fairly normal midlife crisis with a bit of additional baggage. Your choices are usually...

1: Travel.
2: Fuck the PA.
3: Buy a stupidly expensive vehicle.
4: Talk it out (usually with the help of a counsellor).
5: Seethe to yourself for the rest of your life. Sabotaging your relationship and becoming ever more bitter.
6: Separate.