Okay, see that thing on the left? That's what I want.
You see those four buttons surrounding the circle? Now imagine the circle is an analog slider that you can click in like a button. Then give the thing two triggers. And you can have one in each hand.
So if you were holding both, you would get:
4 face buttons immediately accessible to your right hand.
4 face buttons accessible to your left hand if you took your thumb off the analog slider.
4 triggers/bumpers/shoulder buttons.
2 analog sliders. Clickable as large circular buttons
Two D-pads at the bottom of the controller
Dual pointing.
And full Motion Plus controls.
More than enough for any "hardcore game," and it still doesn't look too complicated. As for a touchscreen? Go to hell.