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[ComputerMKII]

Watched the first two episodes of LotS.

So much slow motion. Lots of it with boobs.

Zedd is one cold motherfucker, sealing up those D'harans in a cave with whatever a Shadrin is.

And they did manage to make Michael Cypher an insufferable dick. I'm really not sure if they nailed Darken Rahl, though. He's supposed to be unbearably handsome, to take one obvious deficiency.

When I first read Wizard's First Rule, it was the only book of the saga to be translated, and it was divided into two - mass-market paperback - books. I had to wait several months to find the second one, by chance. That's when I read the long ass Mord-Sith part, which also was the first time I heard about BDSM ever. I was kind of turned on by this. Also, I didn't like the actor they chose for Zedd in the TV show, since he didn't look like the guy on the following cover, and I expected everything to be much darker, to be honest, more like the book or Game of Thrones on HBO.

I also expected Darken Rahl to be much scarier. Also, where's the blond hair? I expected Lucius Malfoy from the Harry Potter movies, not whatever dark-haired actor they ended up choosing.

The book was discontinued a long time ago, and another publisher bought the rights, hired a new translator and re-published Wizard's First Rule in 2008, then every other book until Confessor, this year.

They went as far as calling the previous translation shit, while theirs is even worse. For instance, the first book mentioned the Mud People as 'le peuple de boue', which is the literal translation, while the new edition calls them 'le peuple d'Adobe'. Where in the hell did they even find that word? They also changed the translation of Confessor from 'Confesseur' to 'Inquisitrice', which sort of fits but is annoyingly unfaithful, and they even changed 'Seeker' from 'Chercheur' (the French word for 'researcher' to 'Sourcier', which literally means 'water diviner' or 'waterfinder'. Reading such an uncommon word on every page was a bad experience. This ruined the books for me. Even the new title for Wizard's First Rule looks dumb (the old title meant -literally- 'Magician's First Rule', while the new one means 'Sorcerer's First Lesson').

tl;dr: The new French translation is shit and the TV show is too different from the book.

Now that I think of it, I remember giving up a few pages into Soul of the Fire. Back then, I was surprised to learn there were more books, since the end of Wizard's First Rule brang a decent enough closure to the story. Stone of Tears felt like an unnecessary addition (Temple of the Winds was just plain stupid to me, I even found it hard to suspend disbelief), and the new villain you never get to actually see - Jagang or whatever his name is never seemed interesting. Neither did I like the Sisters of the Light thing, or Richard discovering a new family member every book or so. I know speak English well enough to just read it in English (and even get a BA in English), but such was not the case back then and I can't be bothered to read the books again considering their terrible reputation.

/rant

 

[Husker86]

Fuck the publisher for making Kindle release date February 2012...get with the times.

 

[Salazar]

Fuck the publisher for making Kindle release date February 2012...get with the times.

What ?

August 18 for me.

 

[Salazar]

Nope. Second season blessedly increases both the number and screen time of the Mord Sith, partially 'cause that's when Cara is added as a recurring cast member. There are a few all Mord Sith all the time eps, even. Your perseverance will be rewarded, I promise.

A lot of things are made better in season 2. Kahlan gets to wear a sexier and slightly more practical outfit. Richard, sadly, neglects cutting his hair and consequently it looks like he grew a dirty mop atop his head all of a sudden. Possibly to make the actor look less boyish.

Good news.

I watched an interview with the costume director about the Mord Sith gear, and she explained that they had the very clear aim of making the suit seem uncomfortably constraining - to attune the Mord Sith's appearance with their state of constant agiel-holding pain.

Which seemed a suitably wacky rationale for tight leather.

And I find it difficult to decide whether the state of constant pain adds to the Mord Sith's credentials as a corps of "powerful female characters" or whether it makes them another example of savoured female suffering (at a deeply phallic device, no less). I'm tending towards the latter idea.

Also, I didn't like the actor they chose for Zedd in the TV show, since he didn't look like the guy on the following cover

He is offputtingly ugly. I mean, Zedd hooks up with Adie, the blind bone woman with one foot, so the books don't exactly place substantial romantic demands on his appearance, but this motherfucker is hideous.

 

[Husker86]

What ?

August 18 for me.

What country store are you looking at? The US store has said February 14th for a while for me. Hopefully it's a mistake.

 

[ComputerMKII]

I don't think they ever got to portraying Gratch on the show, unfortunately. So many lulz would have been had if they did.

Nope. Second season blessedly increases both the number and screen time of the Mord Sith, partially 'cause that's when Cara is added as a recurring cast member. There are a few all Mord Sith all the time eps, even. Your perseverance will be rewarded, I promise.

A lot of things are made better in season 2. Kahlan gets to wear a sexier and slightly more practical outfit. Richard, sadly, neglects cutting his hair and consequently it looks like he grew a dirty mop atop his head all of a sudden. Possibly to make the actor look less boyish.

Time to re-watch the series.

 

[Salazar]

What country store are you looking at? The US store has said February 14th for a while for me. Hopefully it's a mistake.

Australia.

It would also be good if the D'harans in the show had the proportions and temperament they did in the books: towering, intimidatingly uniform, fearsome, and so on. These dudes are bozos.

 

[Husker86]

Australia.

It would also be good if the D'harans in the show had the proportions and temperament they did in the books: towering, intimidatingly uniform, fearsome, and so on. These dudes are bozos.

Interesting, I may have to try the different country purchase workaround if that is the case. So ridiculous if true though.

 

[John Harker]

Both Kahlan and Cara on the TV show were incredibly attractive women (particularly Kalhan). I actually thought both did the characters justice. I was sad when it's cancelled, has Kahlan's actress gotten into anything note worthy? I'd follow her career.

 

[Salazar]

Both Kahlan and Cara on the TV show were incredibly attractive women (particularly Kalhan). I actually thought both did the characters justice. I was sad when it's cancelled, has Kahlan's actress gotten into anything note worthy? I'd follow her career.

There seems to have been hope (among crazy fans, at least) of her getting the Wonder Woman role.

So she dodged a bullet there.

I think she is raising kids/doing theatre.

 

[Clevinger]

The blonde one was in a network pilot, Poe, but it didn't get picked up.

 

[Salazar]

Did the books have an explanation for Kahlan's ridiculous white dress? Like it's the traditional Mother Confessor outfit or something? The tv show just heightened how stupidly impractical it is, since they're running around in the forest all the damn time. It's just going to get untenably dirty, you silly sods!

Yeah, she gets kitted out with forest ranger shit in the books. I remember her wearing her confessor dress when she painted lightning on her face and went super saiyan.

Particularly considering that there was the implication that they were repeatedly raped and tortured as part of their "training," with and without the agiel. An odd kind of female empowerment for ya, straight from the fevered mind of the Yeard.

Yeah. The route to female empowerment is through permanently scarring sexual degradation. Although Cara and the lesbian Mord Sith are, I suppose, examples of redemption from this pit of sadism and misery. Although they do still offer to sleep with Richard whenever he wants. If he really, really wants them to - they'll set aside their homosexuality and satisfy Lord Rahl. Not that Richard wants to, but it pleases the Yeard to deflate female power with weakness, female sexual independence with complete submission.

Or you might be a confessor, in which case you ordinarily can't have any sex (involving climax) at all without blanking the memories and personality of your partner.

 

[ComputerMKII]

Australia.

It would also be good if the D'harans in the show had the proportions and temperament they did in the books: towering, intimidatingly uniform, fearsome, and so on. These dudes are bozos.

For some reason I always thought Darken Rahl was also supposed to be built like a professional wrestler, until I read Wikipedia a few hours ago and saw that he was 'slim.'

Also, I really, really don't get the enthusiasm for Kahlan. The actress couldn't look any more bland in my opinion.

 

[Salazar]

For some reason I always thought Darken Rahl was also supposed to be built like a professional wrestler

Nope, that's Jagang.

Fan art not of my creation.

 

[Husker86]

For some reason I always thought Darken Rahl was also supposed to be built like a professional wrestler, until I read Wikipedia a few hours ago and saw that he was 'slim.'

Also, I really, really don't get the enthusiasm for Kahlan. The actress couldn't look any more bland in my opinion.

She was wife-hot. Though too old if going by the books.

 

[Salazar]

She was wife-hot. Though too old if going by the books.

She was pretty enough that a bunch of dudes tried to rape her.

Although rape is practically the mainstream sexual option or circumstance in Goodkind's world. All kinds of magical barriers to consensual sex.

 

[Husker86]

She was pretty enough that a bunch of dudes tried to rape her.

I think she is really good looking, I was just trying to make a defense for her for the people who say she is not. She isn't necessarily model down the runway hot, she is traditional hot. Those, along with wife-hot are made up categories in my head though so I don't know if they translate.

 

[Salazar]

She's also authority figure hot.

A magical judge.

 

[Jerk]

I too remember reading these as a Child and thinking: "Now this, this is adult fantasy."

It was not until around "Pillars of Creation" that I saw Goodkinds work for what it trully is.

 

[Salazar]

Well, that's not entirely true. A tribe you encounter and impress with your magic might offer you wives, or a woman you rescue (who has been raped innumerable times) might decide she is thereafter your wife, in some kind of confused supplication.

Or a lesbian bodyguard might think that the only polite thing to do is to make herself sexually available for whatever you have in mind.

She pulled her wavy brown braid over her shoulder and held on to it. "But when you marry your queen, you will still have other women, won't you?"
Richard frowned down at her. "I don't have other women now. I love Kahlan. I'm loyal in my love to her."
"But you are the lord Rahl. You can have any you wish. Even me. That is what the Lord Rahl does; he has many women. You have but to snap your fingers."
Richard got the distinct impression that she was definitely not making an offer. "Is this about when I put my hand on you, on your breast?" She glanced away and nodded. "Berdine, I did that to help you, not because, well, not because of anything else. I hoped you would know that."
She quickly laid a concerned hand on his arm. "I do know. That's not what I mean. You've never touched me in the other way. What I mean is that you never make those requirements of me." She chewed her lower lip. "The way you put your hand on me has me feeling very ashamed."
"Why?"
"Because you risked your life to help me. You are my Lord Rahl, and I have not been honest with you."
Richard gestured, guiding them on the path around a column twenty men couldn't have held hands around. "You're getting me confused, Berdine."
Well, I say that I am your favorite so that you will not think I don't like you."
"You are trying to say you don't like me?"
She clutched his arm again. "Oh no. I love you."
"Berdine, I told you I have-"
"Not like that. I mean I love you as my Lord Rahl. You have freed me. You have seen that I am more than simply Mord-Sith, and you have trusted me. You saved my life and returned me to whole. I love you for the kind of Lord Rahl you are."
Richard shook his head as if to clear it. "You're not making any sense. What does this have to do with you always saying that you're my favorite."
"I say that so you won't think I wouldn't willingly go to your bed if asked. I feared that if you knew that I didn't want to, then you would force me, to be perverse."

Glad we got that straightened out.

 

[Salazar]

http://i.imgur.com/laXuY.gif

Season 2 is god tier compared to Season 1. I wish I'd just started here.

Fewer child actors.
More Mord Sith.
Gnarlier violence.
Cooler magic.
Better CGI. Although it is still amusingly terrible.

And Cara.

Richard still insists on wielding his sword with a reverse grip, so his thumb is down at the bottom. The slow motion makes the combat sequences cheesy enough without some goofy Jedi style.

 

[ComputerMKII]

http://i.imgur.com/laXuY.gif

Season 2 is god tier compared to Season 1. I wish I'd just started here.

Fewer child actors.
More Mord Sith.
Gnarlier violence.
Cooler magic.
Better CGI. Although it is still amusingly terrible.

And Cara.

Richard still insists on wielding his sword with a reverse grip, so his thumb is down at the bottom. The slow motion makes the combat sequences cheesy enough without some goofy Jedi style.

Is Season 1 worth watching anyway?

 

[Salazar]

And a screeling.

Although much less cool than in the books, where it featured in one of Goodkind's rare tolerably well-written action passages.

Speculation is rife as to what the "impossible decision" Richard and Kahlan will have to make in The Omen Machine could be.

Kill Zedd.
Kill Cara.
Kill each other.
Bring Jagang/Darken Rahl/Six back from the underworld.
Kill all the Mud People.
Kill their first born child.
Have sex with other people.
Stay underground with the Omen Machine forever and guard it. (? No death or sex ?)

I choose bringing an old enemy back from the dead, although I realise this is an improbable option even for Goodkind.

Is Season 1 worth watching anyway?

I'd watch Season 2 first.

Charisma Carpenter as Mord Sith is smoking hot.

 

[Alfarif]

Not gonna lie. I really enjoyed the first and sixth book, but getting to the Faith of the Fallen was a chore, and I quickly dropped Pillars of Creation.

You didn't miss anything. Imagine a book where Goodkind describes every tree branch in the same forest... not once... not twice... but THREE fucking times. THAT was Pillars of Creation. I seriously wish I was lying.

Oh, but some completely forgettable dude slit open a snake and crushed its heart in his hand. LOL Ok Goodkind.

 

[Salazar]

You didn't miss anything.

I think I actually skipped that one. I remember thinking - from reading the blurb or reviews - that it didn't move the plot or have enough of the usual crazy shit.

 

[Alfarif]

Ok, see, here's the deal... Cara was my favorite character (Zedd was my second favorite... and Warren, who was actually was a bit like I used to be, was my third... RIP brother)... and all these GIFs and pictures of her Cara from the show are so god damn hot. Fuuuuuck, why is she so HOT?!?!?! Her and Bridget Regan can get it.

BTW, Salazar, I never really realized how MUCH hate for women T. Goodkind had until you started posting. Wow, you might as well just be a vagina with legs in his world.

 

[ComputerMKII]

Why did Richard hang out with Mord-Siths past the first book? Stockholm Syndrome?

Also:

 

[Salazar]

I don't know if it's simple hate.

He is a macho dude - in the sense that he has a self-image based on exaggerated traits of masculine power. I don't think it's at all tenuous to state it as baldly as Richard = Terry.

The world he builds around this philosophic avatar is designed for him to thrive in it, and it's conceivable that because Terry lacks subtlety, and relishes extremities, he has just gone over the top in using (and abusing) women expressly to bolster and stimulate Richard's manly charisma.

But female sexual vulnerability and pain (or female sex as acute problem) is so frequent and strong that I think he enjoys writing about it. I don't think it has anything in particular to do with Rand (who was both nymphomaniacal and a denier of her femininity). I don't think the narratological explanation covers it: I think he gets a kick, and expects his readers to get a kick, out of the rape pit kind of scene.

Why did Richard hang out with Mord-Siths past the first book? Stockholm Syndrome?

They are bound to him (by duty and by some magical GPS) as he is the new Lord Rahl. And they are shapely women in red leather who plainly know every erotic trick in the book.

 

[ComputerMKII]

They are bound to him (by duty and by some magical GPS) as he is the new Lord Rahl. And they are shapely women in red leather who plainly know every erotic trick in the book.

Oh, now I remember. Still, it's one of many examples of Goodkind pulling convenient explanations out of his ass, and let's not talk about McGuffins.

Also, is it just me, or does every book seem like the adventure is going on and on, doesn't even seem close to the end (which isn't always a bad thing) and then, BAM, everything is resolved and wrapped up in the LAST TEN PAGES? I had that feeling when reading Books 2, 3, and maybe 4 (I don't remember very well, it was a long time ago).

Also, are Books 5 and onwards worth reading?

 

[Mistouze]

From what I've gathered of Goodkind's persona in gaf threads, he's a sort of real life Garth Marenghi. And that's sad and awesome at the same time.

 

[Salazar]

Also, are Books 5 and onwards worth reading?

Only in the sense that books 1-4 are worth reading, but gradually less so.

The return of Princess Violet (forever infamous as The Girl Who Got Kicked) is pretty cool. She has powers and is mad.

Phantom is interestingly bizarre. I remember Chainfire being pretty fucking painful to read.

Nicci, please tell these men what will happen to them if they are captured by the Imperial Order!"

"The Order does not execute their captives immediately. First," she said, "every man captured is castrated."

A collective gasp went up from the assembled men.

Nicci spoke offhandedly into the silence. "The fried testicles of their enemies are a prized treat for the soldiers of the Imperial Order. The camp followers will scour a battlefield after a battle, looking for loot and any wounded enemy still alive that they can castrate. Those precious, bloody gems harvested from a living enemy are a valuable and sought-after commodity during the drunken celebration after a victory. The soldiers believe that such a delicacy gives them greater strength and virility. Afterwards, they turn their attention to their women captives."

Richard pinched the bridge of his nose between a thumb and first finger. "Anything else?"

Nicci raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that enough?"

This is the one thing that gives me pause about sending off my application form for the Imperial Order.

 

[ComputerMKII]

Only in the sense that books 1-4 are worth reading, but gradually less so.

The return of Princess Violet (forever infamous as The Girl Who Got Kicked) is pretty cool. She has powers and is mad.

Phantom is interestingly bizarre. I remember Chainfire being pretty fucking painful to read.



This is the one thing that gives me pause about sending off my application form for the Imperial Order.

I remember quitting when the story switched to some secondary arc with a powerful group of people, I think it's the one supposedly based on Bill Clinton. Was it in Soul of the Fire?

Also, I vaguely remember some very awkward scene with a 'chicken that's not a chicken' or something. I don't know what was Goodkind's point, he should probably have left that out - or got another editor, his books are too fucking long anyway.

Wasn't violet that one princess from Wizard's First Rule, having Richard walk on all fours and eat his food like a dog? I thought she died early on.

 

[Salazar]

I remember quitting when the story switched to some secondary arc with a powerful group of people, I think it's the one supposedly based on Bill Clinton. Was it in Soul of the Fire?

rofl, yes.

Featuring the Dominie Dirtch.

The Dominie Dirtch was a series of bell-shaped statues around the border of Anderith, used for defense. Upon striking the Dirtch, a wave of powerful magic is emitted and kills every living thing in its path. The effect it has on living beings is horrible, sloughing flesh off of bone.

It was believed that the Haken Warlords brought in all of the Dominie Dirtch and used them as a weapon of mass murder during their takeover of Anderith. When the Anders regained rule, so the story went, they decided that the Dirtch was the only "Haken" instrument they would reatain. It was later learned by Richard Rahl that Joseph Ander himself created these powerful weapons in order to defend the land he ruled from the Hakens and other threats.

The Dominie Dirtch was powered by the Chimes of Doom, and upon their banishment back to the underworld, the Dirtch crumbled and fell. In the High-D'Haran language, Dominie Dirtch means "Schooling the Demons".

At one point in the book "Soul of the Fire", all of the Dominie Dirtch go off at once, despite not a single one having been struck. It has the effect of killing everyone in front of it.

An individual can pass the Dominie Dirtch by simply stuffing his or her ears full of material sufficient to keep from hearing the terrible tone it produces.

Completely fucking nerfed.

 

[ComputerMKII]

rofl, yes.

Featuring the Dominie Dirtch.



Completely fucking nerfed.

This is fucking stupid and not even entertaining by fantasy standards.

 

[Salazar]

This is fucking stupid and not even entertaining by fantasy standards.

On the contrary, I think people being melted by bells from which they could so simply have been protected is pretty entertaining. Especially in the context of a see-sawing genocide between redheads and brunettes.

 

[ComputerMKII]

I'm now watching Season 2. God, the acting is terrible, and pales in comparison with Game of Thrones.

Edit: Exposition scenes everywhere.

 

[Salazar]

I'm watching for Mord Sith and the action sequences with someone mashing the SLOW MO button and Richard holding his sword the wrong way.

 

[ComputerMKII]

By the way, the costumes are top-notch, but the CGI is horrible. But yeah, I'm watching for the same reasons as you.

 

[Tim the Wiz]

Also:

http://i.imgur.com/8JJeW.jpg

 

[Zaptruder]

So which series is worse? This one or twilight?

 

[ComputerMKII]

So which series is worse? This one or twilight?

Sword of Truth is entertaining, Twilight is just boring.

 

[Keen]

Re soul of the fire

That's also the book where 2 guys walked several hundred miles in 3 days to steal the sword of truth. And Kahlan almost got raped again. Ugh, I remember reading that in one sitting when it came out. What was I thinking back then? Luckily Faith of the Fallen remains the worst  book I've ever read, so it only took me one more to realise how crap the Yeard actually was. 


I read the free excerpt from The Omen Machine, and the first sentence hurt my brain. Then it got worse! 


Then I tried reading the Modelland sample chapter but I just couldn't make myself. Wow, impressively stupid! 

 

[Salazar]

Sword of Truth is entertaining, Twilight is just boring.

Yeah. If I had to choose one to erase from history, it would be Twilight.

Sword of Truth is the full rock and roll concert of stupid.

 

[Clevinger]

From what I've gathered of Goodkind's persona in gaf threads, he's a sort of real life Garth Marenghi. And that's sad and awesome at the same time.

Yes! Exactly!

 

[JORMBO]

I'll let you guys know how the book is since going by this thread looks like I'll be the only one reading it.

Spoiler

It's gonna be awesome

 

[Salazar]

Salazar has it pre-ordered, and I've thought about reading it..

You can't turn that down.

Someone on the TG forum who has speed-read it says the plot is "weird".

 

[Alfarif]

Oh, now I remember. Still, it's one of many examples of Goodkind pulling convenient explanations out of his ass, and let's not talk about McGuffins.

Also, is it just me, or does every book seem like the adventure is going on and on, doesn't even seem close to the end (which isn't always a bad thing) and then, BAM, everything is resolved and wrapped up in the LAST TEN PAGES? I had that feeling when reading Books 2, 3, and maybe 4 (I don't remember very well, it was a long time ago).

Also, are Books 5 and onwards worth reading?

Yeah, I said as much earlier in the thread... Then the post with the Goodkind interview was posted and everything makes sense on why his stories are like that: fucker comes up with the ending on the spot. LOL I have no idea how I read this entire series.

Oh, and anyone else find it weird that we are talking Goodkind but there hasnt been an entire page dedicated to evil chickens yet? LOL

 

[ComputerMKII]

Yeah, I said as much earlier in the thread... Then the post with the Goodkind interview was posted and everything makes sense on why his stories are like that: fucker comes up with the ending on the spot. LOL I have no idea how I read this entire series.

Oh, and anyone else find it weird that we are talking Goodkind but there hasnt been an entire page dedicated to evil chickens yet? LOL

Sorry, I must have forgotten to read the first pages.

 

[Salazar]

Oh, and anyone else find it weird that we are talking Goodkind but there hasnt been an entire page dedicated to evil chickens yet? LOL

It is completely bizarre, but also completely typical, that Goodkind would create the Chimes - element-aspected spirits of DOOM and horrifying power - and then represent one of them in the form of a not-very-intimidating chicken.

This is the greatest moment, though. No malevolent chickens pecking at corpses and cackling can match it.

Princess Violet glared at him. "My mother says that Confessor Kahlan will come back and that we'll have a surprise for her the next time she comes here. I just want you to know because my mother said you'll be dead by then. My mother says I get to decide what to do to her. First, I'm going to cut off her hair." Her hands were in fists, her face red. "Then I'm going to let all the guards rape her, every one! Then I'm going to put her in the dungeon for a few years so they'll have someone to play with! Then when I get tired of hurting her, I'll have her head chopped off and put it on a pole where I can watch it rot!"
Richard actually felt sorry for the little Princess. The sadness for her came over him in a wave. At that feeling, he was surprised to feel the thing in him that had come awake rise up.

Princess Violet squeezed her eyes shut, stuck her tongue out far as she could.

It was like a red flag.

The strength of the awakened power exploded through him.

He could feel her jaw shatter like a crystal goblet on a stone floor when his boot came up under it. The impact of the blow lifted the Princess into the air. Her own teeth severed her tongue before they, too, shattered. She landed on her back, a good distance away, trying to scream through the gushing blood.

Eight year old princess shouldn't fuck with the Seeker.

 

[Puddles]

I read the first few paragraphs of Wizard's First Rule and found it difficult to keep going.