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[Salazar]

I read the first few paragraphs of Wizard's First Rule and found it difficult to keep going.

Push on, man. You've got to welcome the characters into your heart.

The best thing about Wizard's First Rule is that TOR used this art for the cover.

It's actually pretty fucking badass, and it pretty accurately represents the kind of shit that goes on in the book. It's probably the chief reason why I first picked up the book.

But it sent Goodkind into a rage. "I'M NOT A FANTASY WRITER!!!!!!!!!" He was totally pissed that his book full of wizards, dragons, talking and flying wookies, underworld creatures, and stuff was being sold as fantasy. He still bitches about it.

 

[Puddles]

It's pretty hilarious that Salazar, arguably the greatest master of prose on this forum aside from drinky crow and blame space, is the one pimping this series, even if it's being done ironically.

 

[Salazar]

Not quite pimping it. I understand and accept that maybe five or so Gaffers will read the thing.

And that's cool. Some folks who post here have important jobs, fragile relationships, lifespans compromised by snack food.

I just want to recognise Terry Goodkind's sheer fucking nerve - writing the books that he has, ending the series in the way he did, and now starting it back up again (with, apparently, another two Richard and Kahlan books under contract from TOR). He is a super-athlete among hacks.

Cold fire from Myshkin [Westeros boards]

1) He is a bad writer in the sense that he has no grasp of how to write. I am speaking of the objective, quantifiable aspects of writing, such as sentence structure, ect...

2) He is a bad writer in the sense that he has no imagination; telling a story complete with every fantasy cliche you could think of, and actively plagiarizing his contemporaries.

3) He is a bad writer in the sense that he is unable to create a consistent world, plot, or characters, and is unable to create depth in any of said areas.

4) He is a bad writer in the sense that he continually reuses the same plotlines and conflicts in every novel, unwilling or unable to move forward in his narrative.

5) He is a bad writer in the sense that he is incapable of subtlety; instead bashing you over the head with every point he tries to make.

6) He is a bad writer in the sense that he is unwilling to challenge his message; instead creating strawman arguments for the proponents of his message to kick down.

7) He is an asshole because he believes that he is the greatest fantasy writer of all time. He believes that the genre was an endless loop of crap, with no moral compass before he came along. All this while actively claiming that he does not indeed write fantasy, and has in fact never read any fantasy.

8) He is an asshole because he believes himself to have changed fantasy, while the truth is that he has run afoul of every single cliche in the genre, and has actively plagiarized Robert Jordan.

9) He is an asshole because he espouses through his novels an extremely simplified version of an already overly simplistic philosophy, and styles himself a great philosopher because of it.

10) He is an asshole because he espouses through his novels an extremely monstrous version of an already disturbing and flawed philosophy, and styles himself a great philosopher because of it.

11) He is an asshole because he views himself as the only holder of universal Truth, and if you do not believe in his simplistic and monstrous version of this simplistic, disturbing, and flawed philosophy he labels you a "death chooser", and claims that you hate his philosophy because you hate life and truth and the people who love them. You are, in his eyes, "a note wrapped around a brick and thrown through a window" in an attempt to scare people away from the Truth.

12) He is an asshole because...... well because he's just a plain asshole. Read his interviews to see what I mean.

The first sentence of the book, apparently:

"There is darkness."

Fuck yeah. Hype.

 

[Puddles]

This seems like pretty typical fantasy. I haven't gotten to any of the objectivist shit yet.

I don't see why he gets pissed about the genre label. I can say that the book I'm writing is a philosophical treatise on morality, mortality and the nature of the mind, but it has cyborgs, futuristic weapons, energy shields, etc. If I ever get published, I'm not going to take offense to being called a sci-fi author.

It reeks of an unbearable pretentiousness.

 

[Salazar]

Terry Goodkind: I got Keith Parkinson because I was so disgusted, angry, and infuriated with the original cover of “Wizard's First Rule” that I almost quit writing for public consumption. I was livid. The cover on “Wizard's First Rule” did not represent in any way what I was writing about. It represented a juvenile, immature vision that reflected nothing about the book. It was complete deception by the publisher, trying to fool people into thinking that I was writing for adolescent males. I was absolutely livid, and I just about tore up my contract and said, "That's it, I'm not writing anymore books." My editor said, "If you don't like this, then who do you like?" I said, "Keith Parkinson."

Keith did the cover of “Stone of Tears”, but he couldn't do the cover of “Blood of the Fold”, so we were back to the idiotic covers. After that, Keith did all the covers. Throughout the series, my goal has been to steer the covers away from traditional fantasy covers because I'm not writing fantasy. I'm accidentally published by a fantasy publisher so I get thrown in with that genre, but my books are no more fantasy than a detective novel is a "gun book." What makes me nuts about the fantasy genre is that, unlike any other genre, people become obsessed and focused on irrelevant things. For example, in a detective novel, if a detective has a Snub Nose 38, no one asks him questions like "Can we know more about the Snub Nose 38?" or "Have you ever thought of doing some kind of special story just about the Snub Nose 38?" It's a distraction.

I am hesitant to directly challenge Terry's claims about the nature and intent of his work—largely because it is impolite, not because it lacks intellectual grounds—but adolescent males (easily amused, startled and intrigued by sex and gore, inclined to think dragons and magic are pretty cool) probably form a vast proportion of his readership.

And he wouldn't sell half as many books if he weren't stocked in the fantasy section, so he can shut the fuck up on that score.

And it is enduringly hilarious that he sees his lessons—the Wizard's Rules, which he dug out of the garbage of a fortune cookie factory—as the attractive element in his books, rather than the fucked-up sex and the cavalcade of ridiculous characters and the jaw-dropping obnoxiousness of the plot.

 

[ComputerMKII]

I am hesitant to directly challenge Terry's claims about the nature and intent of his work—largely because it is impolite, not because it lacks intellectual grounds—but adolescent males (easily amused, startled and intrigued by sex and gore, inclined to think dragons and magic are pretty cool) probably form a vast proportion of his readership.

And he wouldn't sell half as many books if he weren't stocked in the fantasy section, so he can shut the fuck up on that score.

And it is enduringly hilarious that he sees his lessons—the Wizard's Rules, which he dug out of the garbage of a fortune cookie factory—as the attractive element in his books, rather than the fucked-up sex and the cavalcade of ridiculous characters and the jaw-dropping obnoxiousness of the plot.

.

Why would he be ashamed of writing fantasy? Sex, gore and guessing what the fuck will be Richard's next stupid idea are what makes his books readable (I tend to hate fantasy and think it's shallow and boring. I dislike both Tolkien and George RR Martin yet Goodkind's shit is pretty fun to read in my opinion).

And I've finally found a scene where Kahlan is attractive (which is good since there was very little Mord Sith action in that episode) :

 

[Salazar]

Whereas it is impossible to find or take a screencap of Cara not looking unbelievably fine.

 

[NintendoGal]

For an official topic, there's sure a ton of haters hanging out in here. Don't you people have something better to do than to complain about his works? Clearly those of us who enjoy his writing will keep doing so and those who don't won't.

Oh and there's a hate thread for this anyway. :/

 

[Sotha Sil]

For an official topic, there's sure a ton of haters hanging out in here. Don't you people have something better to do than to complain about his works? Clearly those of us who enjoy his writing will keep doing so and those who don't won't.

Oh and there's a hate thread for this anyway. :/

You are serious, aren't you.

Fear not, though. This is not hate; merely fascination.

 

[NintendoGal]

Yes, I am and I fully intend on buying and reading the book.

I'm just tired of the thread crapping when there's already a thread for it. :/

 

[ComputerMKII]

For an official topic, there's sure a ton of haters hanging out in here. Don't you people have something better to do than to complain about his works? Clearly those of us who enjoy his writing will keep doing so and those who don't won't.

Oh and there's a hate thread for this anyway. :/

Have you ever read the thread about Roman Polanski's new film?

 

[Salazar]

For an official topic, there's sure a ton of haters hanging out in here.

a) If I hadn't made the OT, there wouldn't have been one. It's not like I stole anyone's opportunity to make a more neutrally or positively disposed OT.

b)I mean the thread to balance between appreciation of how entertaining Goodkind's work can be and recognition of the ways in which it is terrible. There is, one should admit, considerable (no, total) overlap between the terrible and the entertaining aspects. But I am genuinely excited. The sarcasm is mostly a habit and a pose.

c) The book isn't out yet. I intend to give Terry full credit for his successes when I get to read it and post about it. And I will add reviews to the OP.

d) I'd like it to be possible for people who like Goodkind (in a stronger and less qualified and detached way than I do) to post in this topic without being personally ridiculed. That would be terrific.

 

[Sotha Sil]

Yes, I am and I fully intend on buying and reading the book.

I'm just tired of the thread crapping when there's already a thread for it. :/

I always wondered how the fans of the series reacted when they got to the murdering of unarmed protesters, or to the teeth-shattering kick to the little girl's head. Does it make sense in context? Do you see Richard as a hero, a misguided anti-hero, or a straight-up villain?

Serious questions.

 

[Salazar]

I always wondered how the fans of the series reacted when they got to the murdering of unarmed protesters, or to the teeth-shattering kick to the little girl's head.

a) He warned them.
b) Clear provocation.

 

[NintendoGal]

I always wondered how the fans of the series reacted when they got to the murdering of unarmed protesters, or to the teeth-shattering kick to the little girl's head. Does it make sense in context? Do you see Richard as a hero, a misguided anti-hero, or a straight-up villain?

Serious questions.

:: shrug :: It's a fantasy novel (regardless as to how Goodkind feels about it), I take it as such. A real person was not harmed and I'm not currently taking a philosophy class so I don't think long and hard on it seeing as how it's in a fictional setting.

 

[Sotha Sil]

a) He warned them.
b) Clear provocation.

Man, Richard Rahl's rules of engagement are something else.

"Moral clarity is a plus. Tongues and chickens are a big no-no. Basically, just do as you're told or I will fuck you up."

 

[Salazar]

NintendoGal has a point.

And there's an argument that, irrespective of the "turning it white" loophole, the sword's forcing of moral absolutism has pushed Richard over the edge. Which makes him a tragic as much as a contemptible figure.

More urgent debates are being had on Legend of the Seeker boards.

Spoiler

Would you rather be the mate to a mord sith or a confessor?

Picture this: youre on trial and standing before the mother confessor who is about to pass judgement on you. She's given you the choice of either being the mate of a mord sith or the mate of a confessor.

Im really curious to know everyone's answer. Its hard for me to choose because either way youre pretty much screwed. If your a mate to a confessor (male or female) you lose your free will, your soul, your life belongs to them, and you're their eternal love slave until they order you to drop dead. If youre the mate of a mord sith its kind of the same thing but excrutiatingly painful, its a living sadomasochistic death.

Which would you guys choose and why?

I admit to being stumped. I just can't decide.
Edit: Just reread it. I see no argument against, and no compelling downside to, the "eternal love slave" choice. So long as I still have some of the attributes of sentience.

 

[Puddles]

I admit to being stumped. I just can't decide.
Edit: Just reread it. I see no argument against, and no compelling downside to, the "eternal love slave" choice.

Unless you're like me and you get your jollies from pain.

 

[Salazar]

Unless you're like me and you get your jollies from pain.

Indications are that Mord Sith torture involves penetration with a magically electrified cattle prod.

You're not up to it, Puddles.

Just then, Cara came flying out of the house. She was stark naked. It somehow didn't look all that odd. Richard was accustomed to the shape of her body in her skintight leather outfits. Other than the color, this didn't look all that different. She was dripping wet. Her hair was undone, which seemed more outlandishly indecent to him than her naked body. He was used to seeing her with a braid all the time.

Cara's fist clutched the red leather rod, her Agiel, as she crouched. The muscles of her legs, arms, and shoulders strained with tension demanding release.

"Cara! No!" Richard cried out.

He was already tearing across the meadow as Cara sprang and slammed her Agiel against the side of Nicci's neck.

Nicci shrieked in pain that dropped her to her knees. Kahlan cried out in equal pain and crumpled to her knees as well, her movement a close match to Nicci's.

Cara seized Nicci's hair in a fist and yanked her head back. "Time to die, witch!"

Nicci was doing nothing to stop Cara as the Agiel hung only inches from her throat.
Richard dove toward the Mord-Sith, desperately hoping he wouldn't be too late. Cara's Agiel just grazed Nicci's throat as Richard tackled her around the middle, ramming her backward. The feel of her was briefly surprising, silky soft flesh over iron-hard muscle. The impact drove the wind from her when they hit the ground.

Cara was so enraged and in such a combative state that she lashed out with her Agiel at Richard, not really realizing it was him, knowing only that she was being prevented from protecting Kahlan.

The violent impact of the weapon to the side of Richard's face felt like a blow by an iron bar followed immediately by a lightning strike. The crack of pain through his skull was momentarily blinding. His ears rang. The jolt took his breath, staggering him, and brought back in a single instant an avalanche of macabre memories.

Cara was riveted on the kill and furious at any interference. Richard regained his senses just in time to seize her wrists and pin her to the ground before she could pounce on Nicci. A Mord-Sith was formidable, to be sure, but such a woman was instilled with the ability to counter magic, not muscle. That was why she had been trying to goad Nicci into using her power; only in that way could she capture the enemy's magic and so overpower her.
Cara's writhing naked body under him hardly registered in Richard's mind. He tasted blood in his mouth. His attention was focused on her Agiel and making sure she couldn't use it on him. His head throbbed with a painful ringing, and he had to fight not only Cara, but encroaching unconsciousness. It was all he could do to hold Cara down.

This is glorious. Totally not for adolescent males.

*Naked woman running*

Uh, I don't care. Oh, her hair is different.

*Naked woman writhing under me*

Hmm, she is both soft and hard. Eh, who cares.

 

[Alfarif]

Push on, man. You've got to welcome the characters into your heart.

The best thing about Wizard's First Rule is that TOR used this art for the cover.

It's actually pretty fucking badass, and it pretty accurately represents the kind of shit that goes on in the book. It's probably the chief reason why I first picked up the book.

But it sent Goodkind into a rage. "I'M NOT A FANTASY WRITER!!!!!!!!!" He was totally pissed that his book full of wizards, dragons, talking and flying wookies, underworld creatures, and stuff was being sold as fantasy. He still bitches about it.

Yup, that's the cover that made me want to read the series. There was some book club that let you get 5-6 free books if you promised to buy 2 for full price later. My first couple included WFR and Stone of Tears, because that's all that was released at the time (SoT had JUST been released, too). SoT came first, I started reading it, got confused, and waited for WFR. That cover is now beaten to shit because I read that book 3 times in a row... IN A ROW.

I wish I could find the original hardback of Blood of the Fold. It's the only original cover I don't own in hardback (I have it in paperback).

 

[Salazar]

I wish I could find the original hardback of Blood of the Fold. It's the only original cover I don't own in hardback (I have it in paperback).

Well, Terry is apparently releasing about 100 leather-bound copies of The Omen Machine, but not telling anybody where the fuck they can buy or order or even win one.

There's something curious going on with the Kindle edition. It seems to be oddly delayed for some regions; it says mine is scheduled to be auto-delivered on August 18, and I'll be pissed if it is not.

 

[Husker86]

Well, Terry is apparently releasing about 100 leather-bound copies of The Omen Machine, but not telling anybody where the fuck they can buy or order or even win one.

There's something curious going on with the Kindle edition. It seems to be oddly delayed for some regions; it says mine is scheduled to be auto-delivered on August 18, and I'll be pissed if it is not.

Still saying February 14th for me in the US

 

[Salazar]

Still saying February 14th for me in the US

Perhaps they want to push hardcovers in the US. It makes a dickish kind of sense.

 

[Husker86]

Perhaps they want to push hardcovers in the US. It makes a dickish kind of sense.

They aren't getting extra money from me! Tor was painfully slow getting the original books to the Kindle store too. Fuck em.

 

[Salazar]

They aren't getting extra money from me! Tor was painfully slow getting the original books to the Kindle store too. Fuck em.

Yeah, I was going to buy and reread Phantom but it is unavailable in my region. Fuck Tor. If Anna Chlumsky still worked there this shit wouldn't happen.

Vague spoilers indicate that the book gets going very damn quickly.

 

[Rubashov]

Push on, man. You've got to welcome the characters into your heart.

The best thing about Wizard's First Rule is that TOR used this art for the cover.

It's actually pretty fucking badass, and it pretty accurately represents the kind of shit that goes on in the book. It's probably the chief reason why I first picked up the book.

But it sent Goodkind into a rage. "I'M NOT A FANTASY WRITER!!!!!!!!!" He was totally pissed that his book full of wizards, dragons, talking and flying wookies, underworld creatures, and stuff was being sold as fantasy. He still bitches about it.

The cover art is the reason why I picked these books up too. He may owe a large part of his success to those early covers sucking in the bored teens browsing the bookstores back then. I know if they had the boring style they do now, I wouldn't have touched them. How our lives would be different...


Holy shit at the excerpt in the OP, btw:

Hannis Arc, working on the tapestry of lines linking constellations of elements that constituted the language of Creation recorded on the ancient Cerulean scroll spread out among the clutter on his desk...

Jesus christ.

 

[Salazar]

Jesus christ.

I'm hoping this means that Hannis has magic crayons. What he draws happens.

That shit is always interesting. Draw someone. Erase one of their legs. Watch them fall over.

 

[Alfarif]

The cover art is the reason why I picked these books up too. He may owe a large part of his success to those early covers sucking in the bored teens browsing the bookstores back then. I know if they had the boring style they do now, I wouldn't have touched them. How our lives would be different...


Holy shit at the excerpt in the OP, btw:



Jesus christ.

All of the covers that Keith (RIP) did after Faith of the Fallen would have turned me off completely. The last three we did before his death were absolutely atrocious. I used to look at the covers for all books preSoul of the Fire for hours sometimes.

 

[Arrowgigantic]

Hannis Arc, working on the tapestry of lines linking constellations of elements that constituted the language of Creation recorded on the ancient Cerulean scroll spread out among the clutter on his desk, was not surprised to see the seven etherial forms billow into the room like acrid smoke driven on a breath of bitter breeze. Like an otherworldly collection of spectral shapes seemingly carried on random eddies of air, they wandered in a loose clutch among the still and silent mounted bears and beasts rising up on their stands, the small forest of stone pedestals holding massive books of recorded prophecy, and the evenly spaced display cases of oddities, their glass reflecting the firelight from the massive hearth at the side of the room.

Editor's Note:

MOAR ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS, TERRY. THERE WERE A FEW YOU DIDN'T USE. THNX. YOUR EDITOR.

 

[Salazar]

Editor's Note:

MOAR ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS, TERRY. THERE WERE A FEW YOU DIDN'T USE. THNX. YOUR EDITOR.

His editor, James Frenkel, seems like a competent man.

I can only assume that he defers in almost every case to Terry's judgement. Or that Terry puts a little stick-it note on certain pages - "Don't edit this. I wrote it in a spasm of genius. It cannot be improved."

 

[Salazar]

Legend of the Seeker forum building my hype.

I understand your pain and as much as I would love to tell you I fear it would be too spoilerish. but just to ease your pain a little I will say alot of messed up stuff happens in this book its very dark and a little creepy even. Some scenes I couldnt read with the lights off.

So close.

 

[Clevinger]

Legend of the Seeker forum building my hype.

Some scenes I couldnt read with the lights off.

So close.

...he can read with the lights off?

 

[Salazar]

...he can read with the lights off?

Good point.

Amazong reviews.

http://www.amazon.com/Omen-Machine-...=0&tag=revestud-20&linkCode=shr#RLTA2BCMSYWCI

 

[The Technomancer]

Hannis Arc, working on the tapestry of lines linking constellations of elements that constituted the language of Creation recorded on the ancient Cerulean scroll spread out among the clutter on his desk, was not surprised to see the seven etherial forms billow into the room like acrid smoke driven on a breath of bitter breeze. Like an otherworldly collection of spectral shapes seemingly carried on random eddies of air, they wandered in a loose clutch among the still and silent mounted bears and beasts rising up on their stands, the small forest of stone pedestals holding massive books of recorded prophecy, and the evenly spaced display cases of oddities, their glass reflecting the firelight from the massive hearth at the side of the room.

Too. many. fucking. syllables.

 

[Salazar]

Too. many. fucking. syllables.

Pshaw.

I didn't know cerulean was a word to describe blue pigmentation. I wonder if Terry means to use it to describe a culture or a people.

Review quotes added to OP. Hoping that some blogs or newspapers (elitist scum) get reviews up.

 

[JORMBO]

Is this not out as an eBook? I want to read it so bad but Barnes and Noble says hardcover only???

 

[Salazar]

Is this not out as an eBook? I want to read it so bad but Barnes and Noble says hardcover only???

It's a little confusing.

My Kindle copy (ordered through Amazon's Australian site) is apparently due to be downloaded tomorrow. It is supposedly coming out much later than that for some other regions - possibly so that TOR can push hardcovers, which is a pretty dismally retrograde publishing strategy.

 

[JORMBO]

It's a little confusing.

My Kindle copy (ordered through Amazon's Australian site) is apparently due to be downloaded tomorrow. It is supposedly coming out much later than that for some other regions - possibly so that TOR can push hardcovers, which is a pretty dismally retrograde publishing strategy.

iTunes says next year. WTF is this? I don't want to have to buy a giant hardcover...

 

[Alfarif]

Salazar, when you're finished with it, will you just promise to PM what the entire story is about? I'm going to go out and say I have no intention of wading through the text to learn the story, but I would still love to see why TGK went back to write about Richard and Kahlan.

 

[Salazar]

Salazar, when you're finished with it, will you just promise to PM what the entire story is about? I'm going to go out and say I have no intention of wading through the text to learn the story, but I would still love to see why TGK went back to write about Richard and Kahlan.

I plan to do chapter summaries, man. Extended quotes, analysis. That's a large part of the rationale for this thread - to help out folks who don't want to buy the book.

I just don't know how to handle spoilers. Does anybody care ?

 

[Alfarif]

Maybe get the thread title changed to "Spoilers Ahoy" once you get your hands on it?

 

[Salazar]

Richard and Kahlan are at some kind of market, where people are buying meats, spices, colourful beads. Some frail youngster called Henrik is lying ill on the ground moaning about it being “dark” and him being “alone”. This touches Richard and Kahlan, until the boy keeps on talking drivel, at which point Richard thinks "this is fucking nonsense. I have important shit to do", and gives up. But then he seizes Richard’s hand and talks the same crap, but more urgently:

“There is darkness in the palace.”

A chill, fed by a cold breath of breeze [rofl], shivered across Richard’s flesh.

Henrik’s mum explains that he is a prophet - which Richard thinks is bullshit (I dunno why - in a world where chickens are not chickens), and that she has taken him to see a “Hedge Maid” called Jit, who has powers. Hounds have been sniffing around Henrik recently, hanging around his family’s bead-selling tent. Then Henrik freaks out and, “quick as a rabbit”, scratches Kahlan’s and Richard’s hands “with clawed fingers”, drawing blood. It’s genuinely surprising that Richard didn’t pull his spinal cord out of his throat in instinctive retribution. People have been pounded into a mush of gore and bones for much, much less. Henrik escapes, scooting under a wagon and forcing the soldiers pursuing him to stop and go around it.

These are some small damn chapters. Pretty decent start. Strongly in the Goodkind formula. Lots of extremely forced alliteration, a bit of "who gives a fuck" repetition of phrases, sentences that take the very long way round.

This Hedge Maid, Jit, is going to be important. She's likely to be another reclusive witch like Shota (Shota #2) who has beast powers and a fucked up temper. I don't know what Goodkind was talking about when he said that this book carries immediately on from the last SoT one, "with not a heartbeat lost", because we weren't in a tent with some babbling freak child. But no matter.

 

[Husker86]

So you got it from Amazon Kindle store? That's it, I'm doing the country swap thing...doing so and changing back hasn't caused problems for people has it?

 

[nelsonroyale]

Excellent thread, crap fantasy series

 

[Salazar]

So you got it from Amazon Kindle store?

Yep. I'm pretty sure region changing is fine.

Richard pauses in a hall of the People’s Palace (which is a strangely communitarian name for the place from which Lord Rahl rules, but eh) when an old woman in simple but neat clothes says “A penny for your future, sir ?” Richard should just slice her head off. There is a precedent in the SoT books for characters being fucked up (drugged, handed over to Forces of Evil) by seemingly harmless street vendors. She has milky eyes (and being blind ONLY MAKES HER MORE SUSPICIOUS).

We break for some description of the People’s Palace, some sectors of which are off-limits, but most of which is open to craftsmen, workers, visitors, salesmen. No beggars, one assumes. It sits on a plateau, accessible by a narrow road (not for public use, but Richard and Kahlan are badass enough to use it) and a sort of drawbridge. It is apparently impregnable. It is, moreover, “the center of peaceful prosperity, a beacon of strength that anchored the D’Haran Empire”.

Richard gives her a silver, they banter a bit, and she murmurs “The roof is going to fall in”.

Richard feels (justifiably) a bit ripped off, but he doesn’t kill her. Rikka, a Mord Sith (all red leather, curves, blond braid) runs up and expresses her displeasure that Lord Rahl has been scratched by a rabid infant. She has been sent by Zedd. On hearing that Richard is Lord Rahl, the blind fortune-teller splutters:

”Lord Rahl !” The woman at his feet clutched at his pant leg. “Dear spirits, I didn’t realize [rofl, she thought she was tricking some regular doofus]...I’m sorry Lord Rahl. Forgive me. I didn’t know who you were or I would not have—”

Richard lets her live. Which I think he will regret. She pulls his pant leg again when he tries to leave and asks him to take the silver back [she’s probably enchanted it, the bitch], but Richard refuses. She says that he should heed her omen about the roof falling in [literally ? metaphorically ? I mean what the fuck are you supposed to do with that information ?], because it is true.

-----------------------------------------------------

Now we're moving. Mord Sith on the scene, a shitty omen, Zedd's got something to say. No more word on Henrik - but Richard sent a bunch of beefy D'Haran soldiers to chase him.

 

[ComputerMKII]

Yep. I'm pretty sure region changing is fine.

Ham-fisting much? I don't even dislike Ayn Rand, but Goodkind just comes off as a prick

Spoiler

and I don't like his face

.

 

[Salazar]

Richard and Kahlan (which I have always pronounced Karlan) follow Rikka into the palace, which is pleasantly designed with lush green ivy and an atrium and welcome beams of daylight here and there. Richard slips his arm around her waist and pulls her close for an intimate moment, resting his head on hers.

Cara is wearing white [fuck yes, the hottest Mord Sith outfit], against which her red Agiel (dildo of magical pain) “stood out like a bloodstain on a snow white tablecloth”. Benjamin, a D’Haran general, is standing around looking warlike. Terry mentions that Richard is dressed in his War Wizard gear, gold and black, and that he is carrying the Sword of Truth. But none of this compares to the fact that he is the Seeker.

”Were they watching all night ?” Zedd was asking as Kahlan and Richard came to a halt beside Richard’s grandfather.

Cara’s face turned nearly as red as her Agiel.

“I don’t know”, she growled. still glaring out the window. “It was my wedding night [to Benjamin] and I was otherwise occupied”.

Zedd smiled politely. “Of course”.

Richard is puzzled, but Cara explains that last night (while she and Benjamin were sweatily heaving away), “someone was in the room, watching”. Richard is skeptical, but things become more serious when Cara insists, and when Zedd mentions that they were in one of the Lord Rahl’s bedchambers. Richard only uses one, because he’s a woods guide at heart and despises luxury. Zedd raises the possibility that someone was using magic to remotely look through one of the room’s mirrors, but he’s not even sure it can be done. Richard thinks about putting a magical barrier up, but then decides that it would be a good experiment to leave them unshielded, see if Cara feels anybody looking, and thus determine whether or not they are interested in her and Benjamin or in Richard and Kahlan.

Richard starts to look blankly into the distance. The others “waited in silence to see what was on his mind".

”Have any of you heard of Kharga Trace ?” he finally asked into the quiet.

----------------------------------------

No, we have not. Finally Cara gets some consensual sexy time. Pretty sure this Kharga Trace is some kind of wizard from eleventy billion years ago whose details Richard is able to dredge up from his War Wizard archive of memories. He could also have found it in his studies in the Wizard library at Aydindril. In any case, it sounds like a pretty mean dude. Nobody nice is called Kharga.

EDIT: My mistake. Kharga Trace is where Jit lives.

Bodycount: 0
Sexy time count: 1, kind of.

 

[ComputerMKII]

Cara is wearing white [fuck yes, the hottest Mord Sith outfit

I don't remember white Mord-Sith outfits from the books but after seeing Legend of the Seeker, yeah, I do agree that it's very hot.

“stood out like a bloodstain on a snow white tablecloth”

He must have thought he was the first one to discover such symbolism and be very proud of it.

 

[Salazar]

I don't remember white Mord-Sith outfits from the books

They wear them when they have ground their captive down to a very fine psychological dust, at which point there is no need for them to get all bloody and nasty.

”Kharga Trace ?” Benjamin asked. He hooked a thumb behind his weapons belt and frowned down at the floor, trying to recall if he’d ever heard the name before. Zedd shook his head WTF ? Zedd doesn’t know ?. Kahlan could see in Rikka’s eyes that she knew the name, but instead of answering herself, she glanced at Cara, deferring, as all the Mord Sith did, to Cara’s implicit authority Yessssss, that’s my girl.

“Kharga Trace is in the Dark Lands”, Cara said.

She says this in a spooky voice. The Dark Lands, to the North East of the People’s Palace, is a “vast, trackless land of mountains and dark forests”, with some isolated tribes. It is almost perpetually overcast and gloomy - which, we all know, isn’t why it’s called the Dark Lands - it’s a Place of Evil. There are some civilized towns here and there, but you don’t want to go there - and not many traders do - because folks keep disappearin’.

”Whispers say that scavengers of the underworld hunt the Dark Lands”

Everyone collectively took a breath as they considered such a grim warning lol

Cara says that some folks do manage to survive and to craft a modest existence, and that some badass soldiers come from Kharga Trace. She knows about the place because Darken Rahl (Richard’s dad, the original evil motherfucker of the series - not counting Panis Rahl, a necromancer and a douche) used to have dealings there. She’s never been there though. Darken used to send a Mord Sith called Constance, but Richard can’t ask her about it because he is the one who killed her. Benjamin says that there are heaps of delegates and folks in the Palace he can ask about it.

Zedd talks with Richard and Kahlan about their project - organising and cataloguing the books in the Palace. Berdine (a lesbian Mord Sith, whose lover got killed) and Nathan (a prophet, a member of the Rahl bloodline, a romantic dude) are helping. They set off down to one of the libraries, as Richard wanted to show Zedd something anyway. Richard marvels as he walks at the thought of a Mord Sith getting married. Kahlan mutters to Cara that she should stick close to Richard, because spooky shit seems to be happening.

-----------------------------------------

It's pretty firmly established that Richard is going to be riding or teleporting off to the Kharga Trace. It's a gnarly place, he is a gnarly guy. I just don't know why, unless Henrik shows up again and says/does something crazy. Or unless Richard is really intrigued about Jit.

Bodycount: 0
Sexy Time Count: 1, if you count implication.

 

[Salazar]

Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, and Cara troop down to the library - Kahlan’s not sure where it is in relation to the rest of the palace, but she suspects it could be underneath the Garden of Life - which is where Zedd once extravagantly fucked up a demon called a screeling by freezing it in a jacuzzi’s waters and having soldiers slide in on the ice and chop it up. Nathan is down there, hanging around, looking like a badass (he hooked up with a woman he rescued in a previous book, and bounced her so hard she could “hear the spirits sing”).

With a ruffled shirt, high boots, and green cape hooked to one shoulder, to say nothing of the sword he wore, he looked more like an adventurer [ponce] than a prophet. But a prophet he was.

Berdine (in brown Mord Sith leather, blue eyes, wavy brown hair, not as foxy as Cara) is watching Zedd pace up and down. Goodkind specifies that although she is a librarian in one sense, she is also a killer. Zedd isn’t convinced that you can classify books; that is, he thinks the entire business of classification is bunk. Dewey was a dunce. What Zedd ordinarily does (in his First Wizard’s keep) is leave stuff in towering stacks and let magicky intuition draw him to the right thing. Richard can do that too.

One problem is that there are heaps of books here that are unintelligible. One of them is “full of all those peculiar symbols, not words”. Berdine says “I haven’t been able to study it much, but I suspect that the symbols are an ancient form of writing. I saw a place that referred to it as the language of Creation”.

Zedd, incredibly, snorts and says it sounds useless. He is a dick in this book. He’s always been a bit of a fool - not enough blasting shit apart with jets of flame.

Berdine has found one book that she thinks is interesting. In large part because it has had some leaves removed, and has been rebound. Richard picks up the book and silently translates (yes he knows languages. All kinds. He didn’t need to learn. He’s a war wizard), and his face goes pale as he reads on.

”What does it say ?” Kahlan asked.

Richard’s troubled gaze rose to meet hers. “It says that the rest of the book was removed and taken to ‘Berglendursch ost Kymermosst’ for safekeeping. This remaining part, here, was left as a marker”.

Kahlan remembered that name. Berglendursch ost Kymermosst was High D’Haran for Mount Kymermosst. Mount Kymermosst was where the Temple of the Winds [Oh motherfucking snap] had originally been built.

That’s the place that Richard was only able to enter because Kahlan betrayed him (by nakedly bouncing with Drefan, Richard’s serial killer half-brother). It’s a really magical and evil building. It was so gnarly that the wizards who used it as a base erased it from this world when they were done. Richard brought it back from the underworld and dumped it back on this Mount Kymermosst.

Richard seems pretty fucking tense.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Body Count: 0 - Dammit Terry.
Sexy Time Count: 1-ish.