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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
@Galileo
Sounds that you have like what's called Gender-Dysphoria. You doubt yourself because you think it's unorthodox or crazy. But you also seem to put a lot of value in your routine. Getting to a point where you are able to tell who you are will lessen the phases were you feel like your everyday life breaks apart. Also keep in mind that you don't just have to follow any binary if you feel uncomfortable with it, you can also be gender fluid.
Sounds that you have like what's called Gender-Dysphoria. You doubt yourself because you think it's unorthodox or crazy. But you also seem to put a lot of value in your routine. Getting to a point where you are able to tell who you are will lessen the phases were you feel like your everyday life breaks apart. Also keep in mind that you don't just have to follow any binary if you feel uncomfortable with it, you can also be gender fluid.
Having self doubts like that is 100% normal and going from personal experience, talking about it is a huge, huge leap to start getting over it. What really, really helped me the most though, is taking the time to think and reflect about my whole life and how these feelings have effected it or my choices during it. Enough soul searching and you will find the answers you need and with even more soul searching you will be finally able to except what you found.
We're here for you! Just keep on trucking.
We're here for you! Just keep on trucking.
Awesome, Box of Bunnies. Great to read that you got back a supportive response.
Back in my mid-teens I had a similar coming out moment where I wrote a letter to my mum and hid it underneath my mattress. I was still deliberating whether to give it her when she found it in my mattress and then confronted me about it after school. So I came out to her and she was surprisingly supportive and said she'd help me transition. At the time though, I had a panic attack about what it'd entail, how I'd be perceived (whether I'd ever pass), how it'd affect my mum's marriage to my step-dad... and then the next day I told her to forget about it and that it was just a 'phase'.
One of the biggest regrets in my life considering I started transitioning in my late twenties and all the associative hurdles that come with doing it later in life. My one advice to people coming out is that of course first know yourself and whether it is right for you, and if it is, don't let the time slip away from underneath you if you suspect your dysphoria is going to rear it's head again and again later in life.
Anyway, welcome to the transgaf Galileo. : )
Definitely. It took me a while to go from "I'm trans" to "I'm going to transition". Once I started transitioning though, it became obvious that it was the correct decision.
For me it was kind of the opposite, it took me a really long time to accept myself as trans but once I did I got super impatient with transitioning. The wait for the doctor is driving me crazy.
The most recent example of Dawkins being a dick makes me really uncomfortable given certain crap media feminists will not so innocently bring up eugenics as justification to eliminate trans people.
Having other people debate on your right to existence like it's a fantastic intellectual exercise is gross. Fuck this planet.
Having other people debate on your right to existence like it's a fantastic intellectual exercise is gross. Fuck this planet.
I am totaly in favor that a person abort whatever he or she chooses to abort. It is his or her body ... so nobody else has to choose.
But should not be based on bullying like discrimination.
Sadly, as science evolves we will get closer to those things .... but I hope science is favorable to "so your kid has down .... take this pill 2 times a week and it will be 'cured' " instead of the pregnant person deciding to abort
But should not be based on bullying like discrimination.
Sadly, as science evolves we will get closer to those things .... but I hope science is favorable to "so your kid has down .... take this pill 2 times a week and it will be 'cured' " instead of the pregnant person deciding to abort
Yeah, abortions a question on having kids or not.
If you want kids you have eventually to deal with problems. Like what if you abort a fetus with down syndrome but the healty child gets not enough oxygen during delivery and becomes even more disabled? Care for it? The parents already sacrificed another child because it was not "good enough".
It's also telling how DS is always the main argument for this eugenic crap. People who have it mainly look different and are mentaĺly less capable. Is that really a reason to disallow a person to live? This is not some disease where the patient suffers from intense pain or a cripling condition all their live.
In fact it's just that people are just huge assholes against DS people and in that way the argument is not far from any other group that society doesn't like.
If you want kids you have eventually to deal with problems. Like what if you abort a fetus with down syndrome but the healty child gets not enough oxygen during delivery and becomes even more disabled? Care for it? The parents already sacrificed another child because it was not "good enough".
It's also telling how DS is always the main argument for this eugenic crap. People who have it mainly look different and are mentaĺly less capable. Is that really a reason to disallow a person to live? This is not some disease where the patient suffers from intense pain or a cripling condition all their live.
In fact it's just that people are just huge assholes against DS people and in that way the argument is not far from any other group that society doesn't like.
Well the parents found out.
Was disowned, written out the will and threatened to stay away. So that was interesting.....
Thankfully I got so much extra support it I can handle the rejection but the threats and having god shoved down my throat to disown me is a bit of a bitter pills.
Still everything else has been great. I went to Olive garden for the first time for a nice sit down din we with my wife in a fancy dress,Heather says she's never seen me happier,and the waiter was a total doll, and really helped me feel like a proper lady.
Was disowned, written out the will and threatened to stay away. So that was interesting.....
Thankfully I got so much extra support it I can handle the rejection but the threats and having god shoved down my throat to disown me is a bit of a bitter pills.
Still everything else has been great. I went to Olive garden for the first time for a nice sit down din we with my wife in a fancy dress,Heather says she's never seen me happier,and the waiter was a total doll, and really helped me feel like a proper lady.
Do you think they would actually go through with their threats? If not, I say fuck'em. You have a wonderful wife, and in-laws. People choose their real families and it seems like you've chosen some amazing people.
More amazing then I deserve that is for sure.
As far as threats and follow through, they badgered my Grandma (father's mother) to the point she called me crying and asked me not to go to her house so people won't see me as it can look bad for my father.......so yeah I could see them calling the cops on me or something or worse ir I try to go near grandma.
Geez, those are some miserable people. Just enjoy the people who are supportive and move on I guess. Doesn't seem like you need to put up with the toxic relationship. Just focus on the happy people
Thank you both, and you're most certainly right that I have wonderful people in my life.
I think it's telling looking back at the week I just smile over my date with my wife and how happy it made me other then dwelling on the behavior of those people.
Still thanks for letting me share everyone. It really is amazing how many caring people I've met in this community, both on Gaf and not.
I think it's telling looking back at the week I just smile over my date with my wife and how happy it made me other then dwelling on the behavior of those people.
Still thanks for letting me share everyone. It really is amazing how many caring people I've met in this community, both on Gaf and not.
Princess Viola
Member
I've been doing some internal thinking for a little bit now and I was having doubts over whether or not I was even transgender or not, but I've come to a realization.
I am transgender, but like, I don't want any surgery down there. I still desire to start HRT, but in all honestly, what's in my pants doesn't bother me.
I am transgender, but like, I don't want any surgery down there. I still desire to start HRT, but in all honestly, what's in my pants doesn't bother me.
A lot of people choose not to have bottom surgery, either because they don't feel like they need it or because it's inaccessible. I really don't know what I want in that regard. Sometimes I feel like I really want SRS, but then other times I'm fine with having a penis. I think that one doubt alone, however, is enough to keep me from getting SRS; I wouldn't go through with that surgery unless I was absolutely sure it was what I needed.
This is how it is for me. The genitals aren't my problem, everything else is. Really the only thing that bothers me below the waist right now is having a bulge, but I can get over that if I learn to tuck.
SRS is a huge (and expensive) surgery, and it scares the bejesus out of me. Not prepared to go through that just to get rid of my bulge.
Box of Bunnies
Banned
I want it gone, but it's kinda low priority compared to stuff like FFS. Like as much as I dislike down there I can ignore it easily enough so if I decide I want/need FFS that's kinda more important since it's more apparent/visible.
Thanks. I figured mum would be fine unless she happened upon some "nope, too late, you missed your chance" attitude. Unsure on dad but I figure he'll be "I don't really get it but whatever you need." My brother will probably be pretty chill. It's my sister I'm worried about since I don't really have a read on how she'll take it and if she reacts poorly it will affect my relationship with my nieces and not only would that cut me up it'd be unfair to them.
Sucks about your parents but it's great that you've got a fantastic support network elsewhere
Thanks. I figured mum would be fine unless she happened upon some "nope, too late, you missed your chance" attitude. Unsure on dad but I figure he'll be "I don't really get it but whatever you need." My brother will probably be pretty chill. It's my sister I'm worried about since I don't really have a read on how she'll take it and if she reacts poorly it will affect my relationship with my nieces and not only would that cut me up it'd be unfair to them.
Sucks about your parents but it's great that you've got a fantastic support network elsewhere
I came out to my maternal grandparents over the bank holiday weekend. I was visiting them ahead of my great-nan's funeral (which I didn't want to go to, she was a great woman, don't get me wrong, but I'm not a fan of big family gatherings right now...) and my grandpa pressed me for reasons, if only so I didn't regret missing a chance to say goodbye to her, so I told them everything, under strict orders not to tell my dearest mother that I spilled the beans 'early'.
Their response, paraphrased: "lol k, let us know when you're getting married to your partner, we still want an invite"
I didn't really know how to react.
Their response, paraphrased: "lol k, let us know when you're getting married to your partner, we still want an invite"
I didn't really know how to react.
I had dreams about getting rid of mine, and that was before I even knew 100% what it was for.
I mean, consciously I'm a little ambivalent, but clearly my subconscious has her own opinion on the matter.
At what age was it?
I had a dream at about 3 years old that I had a vagina. Like even feeling it. And I had the impression that I had a vagina beforehand, like just one day when I didn't notice it got replaced with a penis and scrotum. Those are some of my earliest conscious memories.
This is me as well.
However in my case I pretty much despise that area, nasty disgusting place that I wish didn't exist. I mean I have three wonderful children so some small part of me is happy I had it, but my over all dislike for it makes it really hard sometimes.
Thanks for the kind words Box, and Im also at this stage too where Bottom Surgery is certainly in my mind, but I also need to balance that with Electrolysis and some other smaller surgeries so the money adds up very fast.I want it gone, but it's kinda low priority compared to stuff like FFS. Like as much as I dislike down there I can ignore it easily enough so if I decide I want/need FFS that's kinda more important since it's more apparent/visible.
Thanks. I figured mum would be fine unless she happened upon some "nope, too late, you missed your chance" attitude. Unsure on dad but I figure he'll be "I don't really get it but whatever you need." My brother will probably be pretty chill. It's my sister I'm worried about since I don't really have a read on how she'll take it and if she reacts poorly it will affect my relationship with my nieces and not only would that cut me up it'd be unfair to them.
Sucks about your parents but it's great that you've got a fantastic support network elsewhere
Hi Transgaf. Forgive me if this sounds rude or if I'm crossing/disrespecting boundaries, but I'm trying to become a bit more learned and am genuinely asking for some advice here. I (gay cis male) may be sleeping with a trans woman (has had top surgery to add breasts, bottom remains bio/cis). I wonder if there are any do's or don'ts as far as touching, talking, etc that you think are generally safe bets (in other words what to do and what not to do)? I'm aware that open communication is the key here, but I just want to know some of your personal experiences and advice you'd give to someone in my shoes? Because, let's be real, I've never slept with a woman or a trans person so this is two entirely new sexual territories I'm entering into at the same time, and I just want to remain sensitive to their needs so it's enjoyable for everyone.
I personally don't think it's being disrespectful to want to try to avoid doing something you're partner wouldn't want.
As far as an opinion Im not really at a place I can fully say, aside from this one being just a need to discuss it with her.
As I mentioned earlier on this page I really dislike that area, and my wife had to sit down and talk it out because I just didn't want her ever really touching it because I felt like I was violating her given my distaste for it.
However I've met several TG Women who really have come to terms with having a penis and don't have nearly the issues I do.
If anything I would say stick to soft touches and just let her hands and words guide you. Even if she doesn't vocalize it, pay attention to her body language and if she isn't encouraging it then stay away from that area.
Still the best way is to just ask her.
I've seen your question in the other thread but I noticed something funny and weird:
What sick psycho would have sex with somebody in OP. Like right during surgery.
;P
What sick psycho would have sex with somebody in OP. Like right during surgery.
;P
Just thought I'd show off some of the fun trans-related stuff we're going to have at our Press XY Diversity Lounge table at PAX Prime '14. At PAX East, we did a take on Cards Against Humanity called "Trans Against Insanity", and this time, we got both our old and new cards professionally printed so that they can directly be used when playing CAH.
Then, I made up pronoun buttons that we'll also have available at our booth.
Then, I made up pronoun buttons that we'll also have available at our booth.
Erin S Kittens
Member
Oh ewwwww! :| There's probably someone out there who'd fap to that.
That's so cool! I wish I could be attending this year.
Those look really cool!
Also is that a Poison reference I see in one of the cards (lower left)?
There's nothing wrong with identifying as gay rather than bi and sleeping with or dating a woman. Sexuality can be complicated and sometimes people find exceptions to their preferences - it doesn't have to shape their identity if they don't want it to.
Those look pretty neat, too bad I'm working all PAX -.-. Freaking convention stubble already starting to bother me. Need a shave >.<
Where are you working? I'll be running around the show a lot of the time for meetings.
Feel like I need to be sneaky so I pm'd you :x
I found this in the positive female roles in gaming thread.
It's about Kotori Yoshimura a transgender developer.
The narcolepsy (an illness were you suddenly fall asleep all the time) part is interesting personally since during my worst phase of gender-dysphoria I also got narcolepsy. I couldn't bear suffering trough life so much that I just couldn't stay awake anymore.
Has anybody else had this too?
It's about Kotori Yoshimura a transgender developer.
The narcolepsy (an illness were you suddenly fall asleep all the time) part is interesting personally since during my worst phase of gender-dysphoria I also got narcolepsy. I couldn't bear suffering trough life so much that I just couldn't stay awake anymore.
Has anybody else had this too?
No, I mean like you get in such an agony that you basically black-out. Sometimes I instantly woke up like when you sleep and you imagine that you are falling. Or then I would hit my head on the desk or on the pen I was holding in my hand.
Worst thing is during those short black-outs I almost always had short flashes of me as a happy woman
Well now, I am at that point but back then 10 years ago I almost spent every day either having mental breakdowns and/or black-outs.
Worst thing is during those short black-outs I almost always had short flashes of me as a happy woman
Well now, I am at that point but back then 10 years ago I almost spent every day either having mental breakdowns and/or black-outs.
Why?
Mostly just being around tons of people, so there are a lot of women walking around for me to get jealous of. Especially all the fun hair and cute nerd clothes I want :/