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NPR: "Weasel Apparently Shuts Down World's Most Powerful Particle Collider"

A small mammal has sabotaged the world's most powerful scientific instrument.

The Large Hadron Collider, a 17-mile superconducting machine designed to smash protons together at close to the speed of light, went offline last night. Engineers investigating the mishap found the charred remains of a furry creature near a gnawed-through power cable.

"We had electrical problems, and we are pretty sure this was caused by a small animal," says Arnaud Marsollier, head of press for CERN, the organization that runs the $7 billion particle collider in Switzerland. Although they had not conducted a thorough analysis of the remains, Marsollier says they believe the creature was "a weasel, probably."

Unfortunately, Marsollier says, scientists will have to wait while workers bring the machine back online: "It may be mid-May."

These sorts of mishaps are not unheard of, says Marsollier. The LHC is located outside of Geneva. "We are in the countryside, and of course we have wild animals everywhere." There have been previous incidents, including one in 2009, when a bird is believed to dropped a baguette onto critical electrical systems.

Nor are the problems exclusive to the LHC: In 2006, raccoons conducted a "coordinated" attack on a particle accelerator in Illinois.

It is unclear whether the animals are trying to stop humanity from unlocking the secrets of the universe.

http://indico.cern.ch/event/506407/.../attachments/1265776/1873815/LHC_29042016.pdf


Edit: Picture

Here's a picture of the poor guy:

Crispy animal link

Source: I work at CERN, this came up in meetings today.

Might be a marten.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Question is does it have superpowers now?

I see they have a picture of the suspect:

 

[Blablurn]

maybe they can go back in time and kill the weasel

 

[FairyD]

maybe they can go back in time and kill the weasel

But that weasel was sent back in time to stop the machine!

 

[Ishida]

Dominant species my ass.

maybe they can go back in time and kill the weasel

Or pop it.

 

[Sephzilla]

maybe they can go back in time and kill the weasel

But that weasel was sent back in time to stop the machine!

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

Probably did a lot of screeching.

 

[jblank83]

.

 

[El Topo]

Pauly Shore was right. We should've frozen the weasel.

 

[Dennis]

Nooooooo not the Large Hardon Collider.

 

[Ishida]

"There have been previous incidents, including one in 2009, when a bird is believed to dropped a baguette onto critical electrical systems."

Nature is giving us a message here, guise.

 

[Blablurn]

But that weasel was sent back in time to stop the machine!

shieeeeet

 

[Akuun]

That weasel turned into Dr. Manhattan didn't it?

 

[Dennis]

Super Weasel origin story.

 

[DrROBschiz]

God sent his best agents on a mission

 

[Irnbru]

Nature is giving us a message here, guise.

This is honestly the best part of the whole story

 

[Johndoey]

The weasel is the key! The weasel is the key!

 

[AniHawk]

Nature is giving us a message here, guise.

right.

it was a bird.

 

[FDC1]

Are we sure it's not just the plot of the next Stein;Gate?

 

[-Plasma Reus-]

IR baboon was right.

 

[Deleted member 80556]

Nature is giving us a message here, guise.

They don't want us to decipher the secrets of physics so we're never able to leave the planet.

Alternatively:

 

[Ishida]

right.

it was a bird.

No, it was a baguette.

 

[Sinatar]

Beastmaster trying to sabotage the Collider.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

There have been previous incidents, including one in 2009, when a bird is believed to dropped a baguette onto critical electrical systems.

How stereotypical.

 

[psylah]

rip weesul

 

[CronoShot]

Spoiler

Close enough.

 

[SliceSabre]

The weasel was trying to save us.

 

[User 73706]

Nature is giving us a message here, guise.

Future France has been trying to save us this whole time!

 

[redhood56]

Nature is giving us a message here, guise.

I wish I could see that with my own eyes.
But I hope we get a weasel man now who can fight crime.

 

[MUnited83]

There have been previous incidents, including one in 2009, when a bird is believed to dropped a baguette onto critical electrical systems.

lmao. Dat Francese sabotage.

 

[ElTorro]

A true hero. Never shall we know the future that he spared us from.

 

[echoshifting]

Question is does it have superpowers now?

Well he can change into a charred husk now but I don't think he can change back

Kinda lame power imo

 

[efyu_lemonardo]

Although they had not conducted a thorough analysis of the remains, Marsollier says they believe the creature was "a weasel, probably."

So they just assumed it was a weasel? How racist!

 

[uncelestial]

Oh, so a literal weasel. Not, like, Burke from Aliens.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

A true hero. Never shall we know the future that he spared us from.

You might say the weasel was conCERNed for our future.. hyuk hyuk

 

[kami_sama]

LOL. I hope it doesn't mean we have to re-start the whole cryogenics process.
Last time, i think it took almost a year.

 

[Irnbru]

No, it was a baguette.

At least It wasn't a coconut

 

[gnexus]

Stay tuned to Weazel News for more coverage of CERN and its miniature mammal mishap!

 

[Not]

What a way to go

Taking down the world's most powerful scientific instrument with you

Albeit briefly

 

[Ishida]

At least It wasn't a coconut

That would've meant war.

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

You fools! HE WAS OUR ONLY HOPE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DESTRUCTION YOU HAVE BROUGHT ON YOURSELVES

 

[super-famicom]

Good job weasel. El. Psy. Congroo.

 

[efyu_lemonardo]

Spoiler

Close enough.

Further in the article:

Nor are the problems exclusive to the LHC: In 2006, raccoons conducted a "coordinated" attack on a particle accelerator in Illinois.

.

Well he can change into a charred husk now but I don't think he can change back

Kinda lame power imo

LOL

 

[Ishida]

You fools! HE WAS OUR ONLY HOPE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DESTRUCTION YOU HAVE BROUGHT ON YOURSELVES

To be fair, the weasel got toasted due to its own mistake. It should've brought pliers.

Further in the article:.

What did I tell you? The animals know.

They KNOW.

 

[Keasar]

Marsollier says they believe the creature was "a weasel, probably."

I like how they are not perfectly sure.

 

[Ishida]

I like how they are not perfectly sure.

Pffft... "Scientists"...

To be fair, the poor bastard probably got roasted to a chunk of black coal.

 

[squadr0n]

Which hacker group is going to take credit for sending their agent in to shut down the HLC?

 

[GurgleBot20]

So they just assumed it was a weasel? How racist!

Do they even have the means or the desire to do a DNA analysis? What if that's in the article as a "eh, that's something them scientists would do."

 

[ElTorro]

Well he can change into a charred husk now but I don't think he can change back

Kinda lame power imo

 

[QuiteWhittle]

The weasel society sent it to protect the world from the upright walking barbarians and their micro black hole making death machine.