That fake screenshot is just too much for me. Who would fall for this shit?
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Weight loss, climbing into windows and gf cheating on me
- Thread starter Lord_Balkan
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That fake screenshot is just too much for me. Who would fall for this shit?
CloudyTuba
Member
Throughout your post I was thinking, "This guy conducts himself in a way that seems smarter than he is acting." Then I got to the end and my suspicion was confirmed. You are smart enough to recognize a bad situation when you see it, it's just a stressful decision to make.
You already know you gotta hit the eject button, dude. You just want someone to assure you that it's the right choice and that you're not fucking yourself by giving up (what you perceive to be) a rare opportunity due to your weight insecurity.
And that's exactly what I'm here to say. This is beyond red flag territory. Life will be worse with her than without. It's definitely okay to bail, and this will not be your only opportunity. You did it once so you already know you can do it again. You put the work in, lost a shit ton of weight, and saw results. Just keep putting the work in and you'll keep seeing results.
Every failed relationship prepares you more for your next one. Now you know what kind of shit you want to avoid in the future.
Lord_Balkan
Member
I don't really care for the facebook official and window stuff. It is not a big deal for me at all. I don't even have a facebook. I actually kind of hate it. Its just my way of extracting some humor from an emotionally exhausting situation.
ItWasMeantToBe19
Banned
I am not sure you want to ether a girl who has been serially raped since she was 10 years old and forced to carry one of her rapists' children to term.
OP you can tell a story, I read the whole thing. I was curious where it was going...but it ended up not really going anywhere. Congrats on losing the weight though!
I'd say I'm not trying to be condescending but there's no other way this will come across.
You sound young. You need some perspective. All this over seeing a girl for a few months?
But seriously... This relationship will end badly for you if you stick around. It is guaranteed. Do what you want but it sounds like you're wasting your time and have some serious blinders on. Mark my words, she will not stop with the bullshit.
I'd say I'm not trying to be condescending but there's no other way this will come across.
You sound young. You need some perspective. All this over seeing a girl for a few months?
But seriously... This relationship will end badly for you if you stick around. It is guaranteed. Do what you want but it sounds like you're wasting your time and have some serious blinders on. Mark my words, she will not stop with the bullshit.
WickedLaharl
Member
Lord_Balkan
Member
Everything about this situation is total shit OP and I feel very sorry for you.
This, though?
Fucking burst out laughing.
Everything is so ridiculous that specifically that picture, I needed to share it. I couldn't just hold on to it.
I might be that desperate. That is my issue right now.
SliChillax
Member
I read the first sentences and was gonna ask about advice on counting calories and weight loss but shit hit the fan too fast so I'm out lol
Vegetable Lasagna
Member
So, it's...
Being lonely
vs
Being lonely while your significant other is out cheating on you
Choice seems pretty obvious. And If it's just sex you want, you don't exactly need a relationship for it.. Sounds like she was already onboard for that if you liked it or not.
Being lonely
vs
Being lonely while your significant other is out cheating on you
Choice seems pretty obvious. And If it's just sex you want, you don't exactly need a relationship for it.. Sounds like she was already onboard for that if you liked it or not.
Killer Queen
Banned
Legendary GAF thread incoming
I swear, that screencap is gonna be the next $30 Italian meal.
I think you're right
The pic of her cousin convo is more than enough humor.
Just punch in the calories into MyFitnessPal before you actually eat the item. The numbers will shame you into fitness.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Naw. OP didn't double down on ridiculousness and is too self-aware. We all know it takes 13 pages of back and forth to summon SunhiLegend.
The only way this becomes truly legendary is if Nancy's cousin starts posting.
1.21Gigawatts
Banned
Can someone explain this part to me?
Lord_Balkan
Member
What I did is I just started counting. I had my calorie limit for the day and I would eat what I want yet still stay below that limit. Wanted to stay below that limit just made me modify and partition what I eat throughout the day. Single cheeseburger instead of a double cheeseburger with bacon at five guys... a bowl at Chipotle instead of a burrito... etc. I still eat basically whatever I want, I just count what I eat and stay within my limit.
Raegan, her friend, was the person that interviewed me through the phone about my career months earlier, which is connected to the therapist cause she introduced us and my diet is the reason I started going to the therapist in the first place.
I was quoting Dr. Evil (well paraphrasing). Of course you let her down lightly. But I if I was OP I would stay well away, romantically.
wesleyshark
Banned
CloudyTuba
Member
That particular detail about the interview is not important to the story, it's just a coincidence that the same college chick that previously interviewed him for some school project turned out to be the crazy friend of the crazy chick he later went out with.
IISANDERII
Member
She's a complicated girl and I think you're way too sensitive for a complicated relationship.So this is going to be a long post because I think it requires a lot of context to fully understand. It is so esoteric and coincidental that I almost don't believe myself. I will try to be brief.
Last year I was going through a depression phase. I live away from my family in a smaller city and I don't have many friends nearby. The friends I do have are great but they are at different stages in their life... I am 25 and they are married and about to be settling down.
I was lonely and stressed. The way I dealt with it was food. I was always overweight but it got to a big problem where it was bad for my health. With the help of a friend, I downloaded MyFitnessPal and started counting calories. With the help of that, I legit changed my lifestyle. I started out at 305lbs+.
When I started, I was so ashamed that I couldn't even honestly report my real starting weight.
The problem was that I was now incapable of dealing with my loneliness, stress and anxiety. I couldn't just eat anymore. I was out of my element to even play videogames. I didn't know what to do. So I tried going to a therapist. This helped out but it still didn't fix my loneliness issue.
The therapist one day called me up one day in November because she knew my profession, and asked me if I could help out one of her friends in college. She was writing a paper on the industry I work in. Lets call her Raegan. So I helped her out.
Fast forward to December. I started feeling more confident in myself and started online dating. I met this one girl, lets call her Nancy. She is 20. We took a walk around where she lived. We seemed to hit it off really well. We even kissed that day.
I would keep texting her and try to set up another day to hang out, and she would keep standing me up. She was super flakey and not communicate. For example, she said we could hang out one day, I told her okay what time... She said soon... I waited... and kept waiting. She would then basically say no she cant cause something came up. This would go on for a while until I basically just gave up.
The weird thing is she would keep texting me. I didn't understand. Things went so well but then there was no followup. But then she would keep texting me. It was extremely frustrating.
She texted me one night at around 10pm. I was honestly just pissed off. I told her I wanted to see her or else I'm done. I was sick of the games. She said okay, come to my window. So I drove over there, found her house and her window and we talked. It was a relief that I finally got to spend some time with her even though it was janky. Anyway, it started to drizzle... so I climbed into her window and we spent some time together.
Now a little background on Nancy... Reminder, this is just what she has told me. She is 20 years old, her dad was never there. Her mom being there might have been worse than if she wasn't. Her mom would call her her little slave, her little slut... make her do all the house chores and basically emotionally abuse her. She began becoming sexually active at 10 (I don't even know the story here so don't ask). She dealt with this by lying to her. Nancy has had terrible relationships, and her mom kicked her out at 17. Nancy then moved into her mom's ex's place (who was 70ish) and he gave her alcohol and raped her. She then told me that she was raped by someone else her age as well and had his child. Her then boyfriend around the same time broke up with her (they were engaged) because he claimed she cheated on her (this is not related to the rape(s)). I asked her if she did cheat on him, and she said no.
Basically, at this point, she had no where to go. Her best friend and her mom took her in. She is now going to college and trying to live a more stable life adopted into this family. The mom, Michelle, noticed some marks on Nancy's neck from the window night. In teenage fashion, she wanted to meet Nancy's new guy friend so she can lecture me about it. This was fine, I was just happy Nancy was being more open with me. That night, I also met her friend.... She asked me where I worked, and she said she interviewed someone from there. I said "Really? Who was it, I might know them". She said his name was L.... Lord... Lord_Balkan. I was kinda confused, thinking 'there aren't many Lord_Balkans around where I work, who could it.. oh shit'
Her friend's name is Raegan.
Raegan has a fiance named Emma that lived with them as well. We seemed to all get along pretty well. But there were some weird restrictions. Nancy wasn't allowed to sleep over (which I understood) but she also had to be back home by 6pm. This caused some issues but I ended up just going over to her place and hanging there. This wasn't much of an issue. Until it was.
Apparently Emma didn't like us, and Raegan suffers from anxiety and depression and might be bipolar. Emma would give me and Nancy dirty looks and the atmosphere was pretty terrible there. I did not feel welcome. This caused a lot of stress on Nancy and it would break Raegan. She would basically hide in her room or in the attic when I was over cause she didn't want to deal with the issues. She would become happy and herself as soon as I left (according to Nancy). I basically told her that I don't feel comfortable going to a place I don't feel welcome.. I don't want to cause issues.
Well, Nancy talked it out with them and got it all sorted out. Raegan was nice to me, me Rae and Nancy went on a long walk and talked. It was great. On that walk Rae and Nancy talked about how they don't put up with cheaters and all that stuff. Completely fair. That night, Nancy and I was alone together, and things were getting interesting. Out of the blue, without me saying anything or suspecting anything... Nancy kind of went back and said "Don't worry, I'm not cheating on you".
She said "I just want to be honest with you". This didn't sit well with me. I don't want to sound mean, but Nancy isn't exactly bright or too smart. She is extremely naive and impulsive. I still care about her but it is what it is. This raised red flags for me as it would anyone. I gave her the benefit of the doubt because it is completely possible that she is so naive that she might be sincere in that and it might not have been out of guilt.I asked her the next day that if she had something to tell me, that she should come clean and we can work through it. She said things along the lines of... "No I am being honest with you, I would never go behind your back, I don't like anyone the way I like you"... The last part, thanks to my friend, raised some more flags. Being me, I thought I would let it go for now.
The next day I was going to go out of town but my dad told me Easter was on the wrong day. We celebrate Orthodox Easter and it is usually on a different day, but this year it fell on the same day. So at the last minute, I tell Nancy that I will actually be in town. Saturday, I am over her place and we are hanging out. I told the mom Michelle that I will be staying for dinner. The mom seems to like me. Nancy and I are on the couch and she is showing me something on the phone... When an unsaved number messages her "??". I don't say anything, but she says its her cousin. 'My cousin is being annoying'. Whatever, I am pretty confident now that she cheated on me.
She showed me something else on her phone, and the same number messages her "why you ignoring me when we tryna kick it". The writing was on the wall. I was beyond angry. I wanted to tear down the whole house. I didn't say anything and neither did she. I told the mom that I was going to stay for dinner, so I didn't want to be rude. I barely ate dinner, I had lost my appetite. After dinner, a family friend that was over asked me if I could drive her back home couple blocks away. I said sure. Nancy came with me. I dropped the family friend off, and when I pulled back into the driveway, I turned to Nancy, and said "I'm not feeling good, I should go". You can see the guilt on her face. She lowered her head, couldn't even look me in the eye... no goodbye ritual and just walked away in shame.
When I went home, I confronted her over the phone. I didn't want to cause a scene there. She still denied it. She said it was her cousin that wanted to hang out. I wouldn't budge. The day before she sent me a picture of her chat messages on her phone to 'prove' that she wasn't talking to any other guy. I asked her if I could either talk to her cousin about it and if she could send me a picture of her conversation with her cousin. She said yes I could talk to him, and she then sent me this picture. I was talking to her at 10:10pm.
I obviously called her on her bullshit. At this point I was just insulted. I called her on her bullshit, and she STILL denied it. I was enraged. After 10 more minutes of not backing down... she finally confessed. She said made out with her ex.
She couldn't stop crying, I was on the verge of breaking shit. It was not good. I decided to text Raegan and tell her what happened. I didn't trust her to be honest with her family about it. I also told Nancy that she needs help. I told her she needs to tell her 'step mom' about what happened and she needs to get some help.
After a lot of tears from her and anger / rage from me, what happened was that Nancy was just in the mood, and I wasn't around. And instead of talking to me, or telling me... (which could have resulted in)
She decides to text her ex. That isn't even what I'm most angry about... I am most angry about the lying. If she just told me what happened, this could have easily been worked through. This frustrates me though too because she is the one that told me she wants to take it slow. so it is just a hot mess.
We are on speaking terms right now, she is going to a therapist Tuesday, I told her if she ever lies to me again about anything I never want to see her again or hear from her again. I also told her I don't know if I can even forgive her or look past it, I wanted to cool down and really think this through before I do anything. The problem I am having now is I am afraid of being alone out here. I know I deserve better, I know I probably should dump her and move on- but I don't know where to even meet people around here around my age. I am worried that my fear of being lonely is going to keep me in a possibly emotionally abusive relationship. I am just not sure how to deal with this.
I normally don't post this kind of stuff, but I think writing this was a bit cathartic for me. I know most people will probably be like dump her and hit the gym... I am wondering if there will be a Nancy defense force here too. I am just emotionally exhausted right now but I think this post and the responses may help me gather and straighten my thoughts.
TLDR: I lost quite a bit of weight, climbed through a girls window, GF cheated on me and I am worried about being and feeling lonely to dump her when I know I should.
My original thread idea was, "Gaf, did my GF cheat on me?"
with just a picture of the conversation she texted me.
wesleyshark
Banned
Lmao did you need to quote the entire OP
She would also later hide in the attic whenever OP was over, if I understand correctly. The whole thing is a shit show.
Maybe you can just use each of their as a source of comfort without getting too serious. You don't sound that keen in her if you're just scared of loneliness and she is clearly not that keen if she doesn't mind lying to you.
Just have fun with it until one of you meets the one!
Just have fun with it until one of you meets the one!
The Hamburglar
Banned
I was expecting you this be about a 40 year old in a relationship since you talk about being a lone at your age. At 20 life's just beginning son.
Lack of common sense, the website.
Lack of common sense, the website.
somecrazymember
Banned
I think that girl is not worth writing such a long OP . Thanks for the entrrtaining text and images though. Some good laughs in there.
1.21Gigawatts
Banned
Oh, ok. I thought it had some wider ranging significance because he emphasized that part with the "oh shit" spider man picture.
Lord_Balkan
Member
It was just more for me to try to organize and articulate my thoughts and the situation. I liked her, I didn't love her, it was obviously too early in the relationship. But this seems all so bat shit insane that I thought I should share some of the humor out of it.
IamDodongo
Member
This is shitty advice
Uh...w-what? Hold on, stop everything. In no way is a parent lecturing another person's child about their personal relationship "teenage fashion".
Maybe if you were caught having sex then I can see a parent get overprotective. But other than that, that is not normal dude.
RadioJoNES64
Banned
Is there a word for when an abundance of red flags surpasses 30?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
The United Nations.
Spaced Harrier
Member
The best part though is that she has a snap, I'd guess 7 seconds or so, of his dirty big hard diamond cutter.
And we know her reply will be creative based on her imagination on show.
Lactose_Intolerant
Member
I'll be honest, I was not expecting to burst out laughing when I was reading this thread, but these two posts did it. Bravo.
Congrats on the weight loss. Don't take this girl too seriously.
GreenMonkey
Member
No one with a history of abuse as a kid (and the early sexual activity is a possible hint there was sexual abuse also) comes out of it ok.
Honestly I find these folks are much more likely to end up in rape / date rape situations. Which just excaerbates their existing issues. I always write this off (likelihood of ending up in abusive relationships / getting raped /etc) to broken red flag detection on their part since they didn't learn the difference between shitty people and good people when they were young.
If you want a relationship with this kind of person (with a history of abuse) you're going to have to deal with her having shitty boundaries with people and impulsive behavior.
I've been married to someone like this for like 15 yrs now. Not being judging here. Just saying, it goes with the territory.
Is she in therapy trying to get better? If so, that might help in the long run. But it is a long process.
Honestly I find these folks are much more likely to end up in rape / date rape situations. Which just excaerbates their existing issues. I always write this off (likelihood of ending up in abusive relationships / getting raped /etc) to broken red flag detection on their part since they didn't learn the difference between shitty people and good people when they were young.
If you want a relationship with this kind of person (with a history of abuse) you're going to have to deal with her having shitty boundaries with people and impulsive behavior.
I've been married to someone like this for like 15 yrs now. Not being judging here. Just saying, it goes with the territory.
Is she in therapy trying to get better? If so, that might help in the long run. But it is a long process.
TheCochese
Banned
Tiananmen Square.
Herr Schwarz
Banned
Yeah I would say OP if you're fucking 20 what the fuck. You're gonna be the babies dad, at 20?
And you're gonna be able to help a broken woman like that?
Cos I know that Nancy is effed up but OP seems semi hysterical. At 20 as well. Why would you knowingly jump into such a whirlpool of drama that you're so absolutely not emotionally equipped to deal with.
And you're gonna be able to help a broken woman like that?
Cos I know that Nancy is effed up but OP seems semi hysterical. At 20 as well. Why would you knowingly jump into such a whirlpool of drama that you're so absolutely not emotionally equipped to deal with.
Lord_Balkan
Member
She is going to start going to therapy Tuesday. She said she really likes me and feels extremely guilty about what happened. I told her she should get help because this will be an issue for her whether I am with her or not. She clearly has issues she is avoiding and isn't even honest with herself yet.
TheChewyWaffles
Member
Hey OP...
LOL
It's up to you OP, she's clearly had a hard life and has a lot of baggage with her. You're under no pressure to be with her. But if you want to end it, do it immediately and don't leave her in the dark.
And yes, the worry of loneliness can be powerful, but that's no excuse to be with someone you don't want to be with. It's not fair to either of you.
Also OP, you're 25, stop giving people hickeys.
He clearly said it was the lying that bothered him.
And yes, the worry of loneliness can be powerful, but that's no excuse to be with someone you don't want to be with. It's not fair to either of you.
Also OP, you're 25, stop giving people hickeys.
He clearly said it was the lying that bothered him.
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