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[norm9]

I made it to what I thought was halfway. Congrats on losing all that weight. It really helps with the self esteem. Keep it up.

Without reading the rest, go no contact bro.

Can someone explain this part to me?

The smoke monster was just a polar bear.

 

[pureplayin2]

I'm just going to keep this short instead...

IF there is NO TRUST in a relationship, of any sort, then it WILL NOT work!

 

[gaiages]

She made out with her ex bf at a moments weakness.

Made out, kissing her ex bf. Not getting gang banged by the local football team.

Losing your shit over a stupid kiss at the very beginning of the relationship?come on son.

People are fuck ups. We're all fuck ups and make mistakes, jesus.

However I would say that her back story is ducked up, she's got a kid too? I mean, that sounds like a tonne of baggage.

But getting pissed because of kissing her ex bf when she's clearly unstable anyway? C'mon son get real. What is this Dawsons Creek?

And also watch your own shit to because it sounds like you're over stressing everything. Don't act like if there's no one in your life right now it'll forever be like that.

Learn we nothing from the movie Castaway? Just be chill and go loosey goosey.

See some people have this thing called self-respect and don't like it when their trust is broken and are emotionally hurt

She's a complicated girl and I think you're way too sensitive for a complicated relationship.

That's an interesting way to say unstable. Which she is, no matter how understandable it is that way.

 

[Lord_Balkan]

It's up to you OP, she's clearly had a hard life and has a lot of baggage with her. You're under no pressure to be with her. But if you want to end it, do it immediately and don't leave her in the dark.

And yes, the worry of loneliness can be powerful, but that's no excuse to be with someone you don't want to be with. It's not fair to either of you.

Also OP, you're 25, stop giving people hickeys.

I don't know what I want. She is not my perfect ideal match obviously, but I do like her, enjoy her company and personality, and I do care about her. At this point though I just get angry every time I look at her for repeatedly lying to me. Also, she requested the hickeys..

This relationship just feels like I am in high school again. Just everything about it. That probably should have been a red flag.

 

[depths20XX]

She typed up a note on her phone as proof of a chat log? HAHAHA

 

[ModernBoxes]

You got so far until you fell for the admission of kissing and accepted it.

She sent you a screenshot of a manufactured conversation... and KISSING her ex is the part where you draw the line and take her word for it?

No, guy, no. It likely did not end at kissing. So being mad at only her lies is too shortsighted. Time to move on.

 

[Herr Schwarz]

He clearly said it was the lying that bothered him.

No it's the inability to have control of the situation that's the bother. He's still gonna be shook if she came out with it.

Yeah the lying doesn't help, but the way he's describing the pace of this thing they got going on sounds like a mental vortex.

If you want it to work OP you're gonna have to man up, take charge and have an airing out of all things.

But I didn't read in the OP was about their intimacy levels. Are they banging? Is the repor or dynamic they have sufficient to deal with issues without walk outs or breakups.

Does she consider him as boyfriend etc

 

[norm9]

They kiseed so she's obviously pregnant now.

 

[Lord_Balkan]

See some people have this thing called self-respect and don't like it when their trust is broken and are emotionally hurt



That's an interesting way to say unstable. Which she is, no matter how understandable it is that way.

I was able to handle her issues just fine. I was more than understanding. The thing that crossed the line which made me angry was the constant lying and dishonesty about it.

No it's the inability to have control of the situation that's the bother. He's still gonna be shook if she came out with it.

Yeah the lying doesn't help, but the way he's describing the pace of this thing they got going on sounds like a mental vortex.

If you want it to work OP you're gonna have to man up, take charge and have an airing out of all things.

But I didn't read in the OP was about their intimacy levels. Are they banging? Is the repor or dynamic they have sufficient to deal with issues without walk outs or breakups.

Does she consider him as boyfriend etc

Its a mental vortex because I am just airing my thoughts. Between work related things and this I am kind of emotionally exhausted. Yes we were intimate. She absolutely did consider me her bf. There was no doubt of that.

We did air things out. I spoke to her. I talked to everything that was on my mind. And right now things are basically settled. She is hoping I forgive her, and she wants to get help with her issues like constant lying and communication issues. I don't know if I can yet but those are the state of things right now. I just want her to at least get some help.

 

[Polioliolio]

Get out!

The resentment is already there and growing rapidly. You can't save something that was already broken like this. She's broken and will mess you up, and you aren't going to be able to save her like you want to do.

Pack it up! You're chemically wired to her, so you have to endure some pain of loss and escape that situation. Hang out with unrelated friends, start going to the gym or strt a new routine, add some new activity in your life. Congratulations on the weight loss.

Again, there's no saving that relationship. You need to see older women. Try someone in their early 30s?

 

[Zvonimir Boban]

Just walk away, it's over.

Hate fuck and move on. Definitely break up but if you do her before you break up, it would be the cherry on her regret cake.

So did you not bother reading the OP properly or are you just a complete twat?

Again, there's no saving that relationship. You need to see older women. Try someone in their early 30s?

Fucking hell, thanks for making me feel like a granddad.

 

[Bubba T]

You got so far until you fell for the admission of kissing and accepted it.

She sent you a screenshot of a manufactured conversation... and KISSING her ex is the part where you draw the line and take her word for it?

No, guy, no. It likely did not end at kissing. So being mad at only her lies is too shortsighted. Time to move on.

He shares that girl

 

[Herr Schwarz]

See some people have this thing called self-respect and don't like it when their trust is broken and are emotionally hurt
.

I get that, and if she was like "yeah I kissed him and you can fuck off" then sure.

But if she's like "I kissed him and I feel so terrible and I'm so sorry"

Then in reality its not really about having this thing called "self respect" it's just fury over betrayal and the loss of perceived control.

It takes more self respect to forgive someone that is truly sorry than it does to just stay pissed cos of a bruised ego.

 

[Lord_Balkan]

But if she's like "I kissed him and I feel so terrible and I'm so sorry"

If that is what happened I wouldn't have been angry.

 

[norm9]

So did you not bother reading the OP properly or are you just a complete twat?

To be fair, the OP is long as fuck. It's got more endings than return of the king.

 

[highrider]

I read all of this and am none the wiser.

Nonetheless I kind of dig the whole stream of consciousness thing. Good luck op.

 

[Gutek]

I get that, and if she was like "yeah I kissed him and you can fuck off" then sure.

But if she's like "I kissed him and I feel so terrible and I'm so sorry"

Then in reality its not really about having this thing called "self respect" it's just fury over betrayal and the loss of perceived control.

It takes more self respect to forgive someone that is truly sorry than it does to just stay pissed cos of a bruised ego.

Ok, Gandhi.

 

[RebornYeti]

I read the whole thing, and sorry OP, but your storytelling is a bit whack.

That said, I think I got the basic idea and I believe that it's probably time to cut her out of your life. I feel like Nancy really needs to sort her shit out, and become a bit more mature and more mentally stable before she commits to a relationship.

It does suck that you finally gained enough confidence to get into the dating world only to be let down, but as cliche as this sounds: there are plenty of fish in the sea... You will have more opportunities for a good relationship. You are still pretty young!

And if you wanna sort things out with her, that's obviously your prerogative and nothing would probably change that. If so, I wish you both the best.

P.S. Congrats on the weight loss. Always be proud of what you have accomplished.

 

[Fewr]

She's a complicated girl and I think you're way too sensitive for a complicated relationship.

This, basically.

I think you handled things very well. You're super young at 25, better things will come.
It's hard if not impossible, but I think you should move on.

 

[GuitarAtomik]

As a person out of his 20s, this shit sounds exhausting. Move on OP. It's just not worth it. It sounds like you're holding on hard 1) because this is the first relationship you've had since gaining your confidence back and 2) because you feel like you've invested a lot in to a woman with a complicated background.

 

[Yoshimitsu126]

She got too much package.

You already lost yours (weight).

Time to find another girl for yourself.

 

[Herr Schwarz]

If that is what happened I wouldn't have been angry.

But I thought you said she was crying after talking about it, in your OP.

Again she might be doing this to give you an out, to see if you'll tolerate her transgressions and still like her. That kind of shit is known.

Like fuck you over before you can fuck her over. If that makes sense at all.

It depends what your repor is like, if it's something you feel you can bail on do it. She gave you an out, right? Just as you were getting closer too huh.

 

[titiklabingapat]

Break up and move on. Your weight loss will ensure that you will get other girls easier now. Don't settle just because you're still in the fat kid mentality. Trust me, you can get better girls now.

 

[Zvonimir Boban]

And honestly, the worst thing you can do here is try and fix this.

She has got plenty of problems of her own, you're still working on your own self-esteem. This isn't going to work for either of you.

You're never going to trust her again, you need to find an adult who will treat you with respect instead of settling for a kid who has you sneaking around worrying about curfews because you think you're going to die alone.

You're 25 years old, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Walk away ASAP and delete her number and any photos/messages from your phone. Erase any existence of her from your life because from the sounds of it, you'd invent some way to rationalise going back to her.

Use the free time to keep working on yourself and you'll be better for it in the long run.

 

[oxrock]

She's obviously been through a lot in her life. She has her reasons for not having her act together, that's for sure. That being said, I would run, RUN! Run far, far away from this girl and never look back.

 

[Parahan]

I think you should stick with Nancy OP. Considering her complex history, she probably deserves another chance. You seem like a good guy, maybe you could help her through her therapy. Also congrats on weight loss.

Spoiler

But you could stop doing bizzare shit like climbing into windows and giving hickeys like a horny/trashy 15 year old. But tbh this story would've been 50% darker without that part.

 

[Ryouji Gunblade]

Physical cheating is an instant dealbreaker. Don't hurt yourself over someone who is willing to hurt you.

 

[norm9]

Hickeys are still cool you just have to be an adult and put them in places that can hide it.

 

[GreenMonkey]

As a person out of his 20s, this shit sounds exhausting. Move on OP. It's just not worth it. It sounds like you're holding on hard 1) because this is the first relationship you've had since gaining your confidence back and 2) because you feel like you've invested a lot in to a woman with a complicated background.

Agreed.

Just remember this doesn't get better right away. People with issues like this will struggle with them their whole lives. Being abused as a kid just really fucks people up.

There's a trade-off. Typically these people are fun and interesting and their impulsiveness makes them fun to be around. They're great partiers when things are going well. The likelihood that they abuse alcohol and/or drugs is much higher though.

But the drama gets old later in life when you have other shit to worry about like kids and career and 401k and stuff.

My wife has been going to therapy for basically a decade now. She's got some handle on things nowadays. But nowhere near what a normal non-abused person has, in my opinion, still.

 

[Gaz_RB]

Jesus Christ OP.

 

[Soldiussnaku]

Massive congrats on the weight loss man, keep at it and get those gains and burn those cals.

As for the girl break it off, it sound and reads like extreme trouble for over a girl you've only been with for a few months. It is patently clear she needs a lot of help via therapy and she needs to process what he has been through in her life. The baggage is extreme. Best you can do is check in with her loved ones once in a good long while to see if she is getting the help. Break it off, focus on building yourself and coming to terms with the loneliness you have and they are plenty of females out there which you can get to know without all the BS of this relationship you are currently in.

 

[nero2082]

let go, you'll be fine

 

[CitizenCope]

I can't believe in a day what I decide can hold my attention enough to read and what doesn't.
So I read it all.

This will not end well for you if you continue this relationship. If you wanted a percentage in success I'd say 1.5%.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

I think I thrive on drama because the girls that cause me the most grief are the ones I cant let go for some reason. Eh.

 

[Lord_Balkan]

But I thought you said she was crying after talking about it, in your OP.

Again she might be doing this to give you an out, to see if you'll tolerate her transgressions and still like her. That kind of shit is known.

Like fuck you over before you can fuck her over. If that makes sense at all.

It depends what your repor is like, if it's something you feel you can bail on do it. She gave you an out, right? Just as you were getting closer too huh.

She did cry about it and feel guilty about it, but she also lied about it for 3 days in a row, telling me she is being honest with me and would never go behind my back and would never cheat on me. Like I have said consistently throughout the thread, the lying was my biggest issue. I didn't like the cheating but I feel like its something we could have worked through if she didn't lie so much about it. She even tried to tell me the 'fake' chat was real after I called her on her bullshit about it.

 

[EatinOlives]

She made out with her ex bf at a moments weakness.

Made out, kissing her ex bf. Not getting gang banged by the local football team.

Losing your shit over a stupid kiss at the very beginning of the relationship?come on son.

People are fuck ups. We're all fuck ups and make mistakes, jesus.

However I would say that her back story is ducked up, she's got a kid too? I mean, that sounds like a tonne of baggage.

But getting pissed because of kissing her ex bf when she's clearly unstable anyway? C'mon son get real. What is this Dawsons Creek?

And also watch your own shit to because it sounds like you're over stressing everything. Don't act like if there's no one in your life right now it'll forever be like that.

Learn we nothing from the movie Castaway? Just be chill and go loosey goosey.

People don't like being lied to. They can get frustrated even when it's a white lie. It's kind of a common thing in human psychology. We don't like shiftiness, deception, lying, people doing things behind your back.

It's not that hard to figure out. Hell, even the OP admitted that if she had been more forthcoming that he would've wanted to work it out with her, but the lying and shit attempts at covering up is what got to him. There's nothing wrong with his reaction.

 

[Gutek]

People don't like being lied to. They can get frustrated even when it's a white lie. It's kind of a common thing in human psychology. We don't like shiftiness, deception, lying, people doing things behind your back.

It's not that hard to figure out. Hell, even the OP admitted that if she had been more forthcoming that he would've wanted to work it out with her, but the lying and shit attempts at covering up is what got to him. There's nothing wrong with his reaction.

 

[mariachi507]

Congrats on getting healthier man. It's best to move on from her. I know being with her made you feel pretty good, but long term it looks like there's a lot of pain there. Hit the gym, try some more dating, and keep your head up.

 

[Karsticles]

It sounds to me like you either haven't been in many relationships or don't think you could get a better one, because this girl is a permanent mess.

 

[gaiages]

I was able to handle her issues just fine. I was more than understanding. The thing that crossed the line which made me angry was the constant lying and dishonesty about it.

Which is totally understandable. A relationship with no trust in it isn't healthy at all.

I get that, and if she was like "yeah I kissed him and you can fuck off" then sure.

But if she's like "I kissed him and I feel so terrible and I'm so sorry"

Then in reality its not really about having this thing called "self respect" it's just fury over betrayal and the loss of perceived control.

It takes more self respect to forgive someone that is truly sorry than it does to just stay pissed cos of a bruised ego.

??? Why do you keep harping about control? That makes no sense.

Someone lying to you and cheating on you, emotionally or physically, is a BREACH OF TRUST, not "oh no my ego is hurt". You realize how many steps his gf had to take to be in a situation to kiss her ex? A hell of a lot, and she decided not to stop at any of those steps. It's disrespectful to her boyfriend, no matter how emotionally distraught she was. Sure she might have a lot of trauma that maybe makes her think a little irrationally, but that doesn't make something like that just disappear.

It takes self-respect to realize when someone is lying to you and abusing your trust, it takes the opposite to take someone back after breaking such fundamental trust.

 

[Lord_Balkan]

It sounds to me like you either haven't been in many relationships or don't think you could get a better one, because this girl is a permanent mess.

Congrats on getting healthier man. It's best to move on from her. I know being with her made you feel pretty good, but long term it looks like there's a lot of pain there. Hit the gym, try some more dating, and keep your head up.

Yeah, I don't know where to meet people honestly. Where does a mid 20s dude find some dates? I tried various online dating websites and it honestly didn't go that well. Most people over 20 around here that I have met have a kid.

 

[Yoshimitsu126]

Yeah, I don't know where to meet people honestly. Where does a mid 20s dude find some dates? I tried various online dating websites and it honestly didn't go that well. Most people over 20 around here that I have met have a kid.

What's the rush? You'll like being single for a while after this.

 

[The Wart]

See some people have this thing called self-respect and don't like it when their trust is broken and are emotionally hurt

Extreme anger is a sign of fear and insecurity, not self-respect.

Beyond her general messed-up-ness and that insane "text", this lady is simply not at the same stage in her life as you are, OP. As you've noticed, this is some high-school level nonsense you're getting wrapped up in. It's not good for anyone involved.

Bite the loneliness bullet for now and hold out for a relationship with someone at your maturity level, whom you can grow with.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Yeah, I don't know where to meet people honestly. Where does a mid 20s dude find some dates? I tried various online dating websites and it honestly didn't go that well. Most people over 20 around here that I have met have a kid.

What do you do for work? Just how rural is your area? It sounds like you need to evaluate moving for several reasons -- professional and social.

 

[Zvonimir Boban]

She did cry about it and feel guilty about it, but she also lied about it for 3 days in a row, telling me she is being honest with me and would never go behind my back and would never cheat on me. Like I have said consistently throughout the thread, the lying was my biggest issue. I didn't like the cheating but I feel like its something we could have worked through if she didn't lie so much about it. She even tried to tell me the 'fake' chat was real after I called her on her bullshit about it.

Look, she has way too many problems (understandable from what you've told us) of her own and you are NOT the person to help her fix them.

Staying with her will only harm your attempts at self-improvement and you'll never be able to trust a girl who thinks so little of you that she thought that fake chat log would fool you.

That's it. Staying together doesn't help either of you so you need to gather the courage to say goodbye and walk away for good.

 

[Zetta]

Congrats on the weight loss and yeah you need to break up with her. If you can't trust you SO then you shouldnt be in a relationship with said person.

 

[Herr Schwarz]

if she didn't lie so much about it. She even tried to tell me the 'fake' chat was real after I called her on her bullshit about it.

One has to wonder what her personal end game in all this is, it's a fledgling relationship afterall, why not just say "Hey I'm done" why create the turmoil.

I would advise that, if you do want to continue with the relationship you'll need to talk to her, and say since she broke your trust then it calls for a total reset and mandated transparency from this point on from her. If she says no, then it's over. If she says yes then make whatever demands you want, snooping through her phone etc. Whatever added control you need to feel like you don't need to worry.

You've got the ultimate high ground she fucked up if she won't concede to your demands then she isn't sorry at all.


If you want it to work that's what you need to do. However I would join the rest of people here in saying that if you can bail out, do. I'm sure you may sympathise with her greatly and may feel guilt in bailing, but it's either leave now or do what I advised.

 

[GuitarAtomik]

Look, she has way too many problems (understandable from what you've told us) of her own and you are NOT the person to help her fix them.

Staying with her will only harm your attempts at self-improvement and you'll never be able to trust a girl who thinks so little of you that she thought that fake chat log would fool you.

That's it. Staying together doesn't help either of you so you need to gather the courage to say goodbye and walk away for good.

This is the other thing I'd say. I assume OP feels some obligation to stick around because she's opened up and he can help with her problems, but she needs to do that on her own for a while. If anything, you'd probably only make her dependent. Let her do her thing, and keep on your own self improvement track free of that complication and toxicity.

 

[Lord_Balkan]

What do you do for work? Just how rural is your area? It sounds like you need to evaluate moving for several reasons -- professional and social.

I am a software engineer. The city I am in is a midwest city of about 80k people. My family is from and is in Chicago, but I am not living there.

 

[Zvonimir Boban]

One has to wonder what her personal end game in all this is, it's a fledgling relationship afterall, why not just say "Hey I'm done" why create the turmoil.

I would advise that, if you do want to continue with the relationship you'll need to talk to her, and say since she broke your trust then it calls for a total reset and mandated transparency from this point on from her. If she says no, then it's over. If she says yes then make whatever demands you want, snooping through her phone etc. Whatever added control you need to feel like you don't need to worry.

You've got the ultimate high ground she fucked up if she won't concede to your demands then she isn't sorry at all.


If you want it to work that's what you need to do. However I would join the rest of people here in saying that if you can bail out, do. I'm sure you may sympathise with her greatly and may feel guilt in bailing, but it's either leave now or do what I advised.

Like the other poster said, what is with this control bullshit and trying to find ways to make this work?

Is this some 'lets play devils advocate lol' fuckery and I'm just missing the joke?

Edit: Because what you're saying is that he should go to a girl who is a rape victim and demand total control, take away any semblance of privacy she has and its ok because he can pretend to have the moral high ground.

You need to stop posting in this thread.