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Weight loss, climbing into windows and gf cheating on me

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F

family_guy

Member
Felt like I just read a screenwriting of an episode of Shameless. Focus on yourself OP and forget about her. This kind of stuff isn't healthy.
 
K

Kyne

Member
Staring-Confused-Ron-Swanson.gif


OP this is some straight up middleschool drama.

you are technically closer to 30 than you are 20, and you need take a step away from this crap.

keep losing weight. keeping working on yourself. everything else will come naturally without you having to jump through windows.
 
M

Mephala

Member
If you didn't confront her, would she have kept it a secret in hopes it'll become buried and forgotten? Would she do it again especially given she got away with it once?

You suspected and you gave her a chance to come clean, she chose not to.

You seem to have a very good grasp of the situation and her problems. She sounds like she needs help. You could help her, that would be the nice thing to do but as far as the relationship goes... I think that should be considered separately. That is a call you need to make yourself. Perhaps not necessarily right away.

I have a good friend since high school who had needs. She eventually confided in me and a few others that she often feels incredibly lonely. She knows we are all there for her but she only really feels better when she is held or coddled. She used all my friends for sex because she so desperately didn't want to feel lonely. She admits that each time she knew it was wrong. The boy was being disloyal or she was or whatever. But that comes after, at the time the need to be not lonely was overwhelming, to the point she let people do things to her she wouldn't otherwise. It was a horrifying story and sounded a lot like depression to me. I hate the idea of losing to self control and needing to do things my conscience is against. She was wracked with guilt quite often and lost many friends over it. It doesn't make what she did right but we are what we are.
 
A

Adam_Roman

Member
tumblr_m1kzh3HakI1qa6lp8.gif


Obviously you don't trust her and you didn't from the second she said that thing about not cheating on you. Her lying for 3 days didn't help. She might be 20 but she's as mature as a 14 year old and as clever as an 8 year old. If you're worried about being alone already, staying with her won't make it any better. You're gonna regret sticking with her and not trying to find someone you deserve. You're capable of great things and you proved that to yourself with how well you've done with losing weight recently. You're better than this girl.

End it, drive at night to 808s and Heartbreaks with the windows rolled down, download Tinder, and find someone better. 80k isn't a small area. I grew up in a town with a population of 10k and had plenty of luck with Tinder.
 
L

Lord_Balkan

Member
Mephala said:
If you didn't confront her, would she have kept it a secret in hopes it'll become buried and forgotten? Would she do it again especially given she got away with it once?

You suspected and you gave her a chance to come clean, she chose not to.

You seem to have a very good grasp of the situation and her problems. She sounds like she needs help. You could help her, that would be the nice thing to do but as far as the relationship goes... I think that should be considered separately. That is a call you need to make yourself. Perhaps not necessarily right away.

I have a good friend since high school who had needs. She eventually confided in me and a few others that she often feels incredibly lonely. She knows we are all there for her but she only really feels better when she is held or coddled. She used all my friends for sex because she so desperately didn't want to feel lonely. She admits that each time she knew it was wrong. The boy was being disloyal or she was or whatever. But that comes after, at the time the need to be not lonely was overwhelming, to the point she let people do things to her she wouldn't otherwise. It was a horrifying story and sounded a lot like depression to me. I hate the idea of losing to self control and needing to do things my conscience is against. She was wracked with guilt quite often and lost many friends over it. It doesn't make what she did right but we are what we are.
Click to expand...

Yeah it is not something I wanted to decide on quick. It is a complicated situation and I didn't want to make any quick decisions while I was upset or whatever. Writing out what I did is honestly helping me get some perspective on it.

Adam_Roman said:
End it, drive at night to 808s and Heartbreaks with the windows rolled down, download Tinder, and find someone better. 80k isn't a small area. I grew up in a town with a population of 10k and had plenty of luck with Tinder.
Click to expand...

I have not had luck with tinder.
 
A

Any Questions

Member
IISANDERII said:
She's a complicated girl and I think you're way too sensitive for a complicated relationship.
Click to expand...

I agree with this. OP you need to carry on with your very excellent weight loss and think positive. Do not get into analysis mode and look for reasons for why things are what they are.

You can choose to make new social circles. Look up clubs or volunteering.

Hang around with ordinary happy folks. Run a mile away from Nancy and never look back. She will cheet on you again.
 
B

boiled goose

good with gravy
Congratulations on weight loss!

You guys are young. Take a step back and make the best decision for you. Everything will be ok either way.

All this anger and rage is not worth it. Make decisions that maximize your chances to be happy.

It sounds like she is young, impulsive, immature and not in the same place as You. I suggest you move on and find someone better suited for you
 
M

MazeHaze

Banned
I mean, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks they can convince you that a notepad document is a text log?

That is straight up some of the stupidest shit I've ever seen. Don't settle for that OP. You deserve someone who isn't such a complete moron. If you keep up with this relationship, expect more and more stupid drama to come. When someone is that fundamentally idiotic, how to you expect her to be capable of understanding other peoples emotions?

Bail fast. I mean FUCK.
 
F

FreeMufasa

Junior Member
If there ever was a clear cut sign of dashing.

....Doesn't really matter. You gon take her back and keep getting played till she leaves you.
 
U

Ultima_5

Member
that was really difficult to understand, but move on dude. some people aren't worth the time

also as someone around the same age. don't date much younger. people are soooooo much better to be around in their mid 20s vs their early 20s

also someone who's last gf was cheating on me, breaking up with her was amazing. got to play a lot of games, go on a bunch of dates, etc. now i have a new gf who i'm way into. things can improve pretty quickly dude. get a dog. dogs help
 
K

KoopaTheCasual

Junior Member
Lord_Balkan said:
The fucked up thing is she could have easily called me.
Click to expand...
I know a couple people have already said this, but I feel it bears repeating. If she was so goddamn adamant about lying about hooking up about her ex, why should you believe they only "kissed"?

I've seen it so many times where someone gets caught cheating, tells only part of the story, and then tells the rest later, which ends up worse off, since it re-opens the wound of betrayal.

Get out of the relationship. Maybe be a voice of stability in her life. But don't continue down this road.
 
B

blackflag

Member
Congrats on the weight loss. It's way to early in a relationship to be dealing with shit like that. Just bail.

I agree with you the lying and assuming you are fucking brain dead with that text screenshot are worse than the cheating.
 
G

Glass Shark

Banned
This kind of thread is really prevalent on NeoGAF, and it's always the same. "This person did a bad thing to me, and I really don't want to get back with them, but I'm afraid if I don't I will be alone forever."

You won't be alone. I know it's cliche at this point, but you really think this one person just happens to be the only human in the world who you are compatible with and can have a happy, loving relationship with? No. If you are a person who belives in any semblance of logic and probability, you must know that's true.

I know your emotions are probably running wild right now, but take a break and try to look at the situation logically. She cheated on you once, and chances are she will do it again. You can't "fix" her and it's not your job to do that anyway.

Just go.
 
T

thiscoldblack

Unconfirmed Member
Kanik said:
I wouldn't invest much more time on this entire situation. It doesn't sound like it would be healthy for you to even entertain the idea of allowing yourself to be involved in any of these characters.

You likely are emotionally invested in the idea of the relationship more than anything else. The weight loss coupled with putting yourself out there and this being the first big stepping stone in dating for you is likely why you're so invested in this. Things like climbing into windows or making relationships official on facebook seem like a big deal because these weren't things you were accustomed to. So you've kind of romanticized it, but ultimately the entire ordeal sounds like a shit show. I recommend you pat yourself on the back for experience and move onto someone that will appreciate you. Also continue to maintain the weight loss - try not to fall back on a food addiction to fill the void that will be left when these people aren't in your life anymore.
Click to expand...

Well said. I couldn't agree more.
 
L

Liu Kang Baking A Pie

Member
OP, this lady has literally already tried to move on from you and told you to your face. She lied to your face and you barely even know her yet. Why wait around for this to happen to you again and again?

In a month, in a year, in a decade, you will still be you and have to deal with you and where you are in life, long after she's forgotten about you. Why make life harder for yourself over someone who doesn't respect you? You were already on a good path before this.
 
K

K.Jack

Knowledge is power, guard it well
Lord_Balkan said:
S
Now a little background on Nancy... Reminder, this is just what she has told me. She is 20 years old, her dad was never there. Her mom being there might have been worse than if she wasn't. Her mom would call her her little slave, her little slut... make her do all the house chores and basically emotionally abuse her. She began becoming sexually active at 10 (I don't even know the story here so don't ask). She dealt with this by lying to her. Nancy has had terrible relationships, and her mom kicked her out at 17. Nancy then moved into her mom's ex's place (who was 70ish) and he gave her alcohol and raped her. She then told me that she was raped by someone else her age as well and had his child. Her then boyfriend around the same time broke up with her (they were engaged) because he claimed she cheated on her (this is not related to the rape(s)). I asked her if she did cheat on him, and she said no.
Click to expand...

Years of therapy, or this is a lost endeavor.
 
S

Shredderi

Member
As someone who is struggling with weight loss right now, big congratulations OP! At least you have the knowledge that you are well on your way to a better health and that is a big gain.

I don't want to be the "got a problem? Break off!" guy, but taking all the myriads of aspects of this situation into consideration, this is not a healthy situation for you to be in. You haven't invested years into this that would impose a mental obligation for you to stay in and try to brute force it to work. The girl has issues, and I don't blame her, but you are and will be on the receiving end of her "dealing" with said issues which will in turn cause issues for you. It's not the cheating part. It's all the circumances surrounding the whole thing. You don't need it. It will fuck your shit up. Any reason you're still around is because you are scared of loneliness. There are far worse state of minds to be in than lonely, which you will learn if you do stay. I would bet money on that.

Get out and continue focusing on working on your health and self esteem.
 
S

Steejee

Member
Grats on the weight loss! Keep at it.

As for your lady friend...abandon ship. Focus on your own needs and wants first, and it sounds like nothing good could come from sticking with her.

You're young, go join an activity group or something (like on meetup.com) to meet some other people with shared interests. Some will become friends, so might become more.
 
Darklor01

Darklor01

Might need to stop sniffing glue
Lord_Balkan said:
Honestly, probably to gather my thoughts and to help me get some perspective.
Click to expand...

My perspective:
You've gotten too attached with someone who is very broken inside. It sounds like you want to be able to help, even though you are still trying to overcome some personal challenges as well. A person in the state she is in is not a good fit for anyone unless she overcomes her personal challenges.

When I was younger, I dated someone like Nancy. She, had some similar issues, though, wasn't as flaky. She had been raped, cheated on, and lots of other things. She was VERY physical. In fact, when we met on a community college campus, I thought she was with this one other guy, and quickly found she wasn't after she offered herself to me. At that age, I just went with it. Who cared, I was single, and well.. why not. We dated for a while. I had a hard fast rule that if someone cheated, they got no second chance and made that clear at the start. After, I don't know.. about a year, I found out she cheated. She felt guilty and told me.

In that rule about cheating, I stated, I do not care who you talk to, who you hang out with, I won't even ask. I explained, I give someone enough rope to hang themselves with and if they choose to do it, so be it. I'd rather go that route than worrying whether or not it will. I trust you. You break the trust, it's over. She admitted to cheating. I asked her why, and her excuse was that when she and her ex broke up, he made her promise to hook up with him one more time. She chose to honor it one night at his request. I chose to end it right there.

You have enough going on in your life without adding complications to it.
 
C

Chococat

Member
Congrats on the weight loss!

Far as the girl. Move on. You deserve better than her. Don't let you loneliness keep you attached to people who are not good for your own well being.
 
Kremzeek

Kremzeek

Member
keep going with the weight loss - that's the one really positive thing going for you.

drop Nancy like now - you can do waaaaaaaaaay better than her & her drama.
she is NOT special.
 
S

StrongBlackVine

Banned
This is easy...dump her and cease all contact immediately. No further explanation needed. You definitely have some personal issues to work on because you ignored tons of red flags to even get this far involved even before the cheating suspicions. She doesn't seem worth it AT ALL.
 
R

RSTEIN

Comics, serious business!
Me reading:

Hmm... where is this story going. Interesting, interesting.
Ok, interesting, going to keep reading.
RED FLAG
RED FLAG
RED FLAG
RED FLAG
"And then she confessed she kissed her ex"

I was at four red flags before the cheating.

BAIL.
 
P

Pizza

Member
Nice job improving your qol op

ItWasMeantToBe19 said:
A 20 year old girl who has been serially raped throughout her life making out with her ex once does not seem that extreme.

She probably has emotional problems she's working through because her life has been hell and pain and trauma up to this point.
Click to expand...

Sort of this. She's 20 with a shitload of baggage. Ive dated people who come with waaaay less of a history and it slowly drained me. I think considering her past her cheating isn't aaaaas bad but, not to be a dick, she does have a support system now and it doesn't have to be your job.

If you think you should dump her, do it. She'll probably be alright, honestly
 
A

Any Questions

Member
Kanik said:
I wouldn't invest much more time on this entire situation. It doesn't sound like it would be healthy for you to even entertain the idea of allowing yourself to be involved in any of these characters.

You likely are emotionally invested in the idea of the relationship more than anything else. The weight loss coupled with putting yourself out there and this being the first big stepping stone in dating for you is likely why you're so invested in this. Things like climbing into windows or making relationships official on facebook seem like a big deal because these weren't things you were accustomed to. So you've kind of romanticized it, but ultimately the entire ordeal sounds like a shit show. I recommend you pat yourself on the back for experience and move onto someone that will appreciate you. Also continue to maintain the weight loss - try not to fall back on a food addiction to fill the void that will be left when these people aren't in your life anymore.
Click to expand...

This is precisely correct
 
K

killdatninja

Banned
Congrats on the weight loss, you seem to be in a pretty good spot at least weight wise.

On the topic of the GF. I say this with 100% conviction, please move on from her. She's not good for you, you're not good for her (don't enable her behavior, she has to grow up).

Keep working on yourself, if you're in a good place, you'll find it easier to attract other people. You're young dude, don't stress out over being single, don't put up with (as much as I feel sorry for this girl, she's not your problem) something like this, it'll only get worse from here on out if you stick it out with her.
 
J

Jeronimo Jones

Member
Nice job on taking control of your issues with food/depression.

I'm still confused on why all the background on the friend you talked to via a phone interview was necessary for the story. A weird coincidence, sure.

You said a few times that she "has issues" but if her story is even 50% true it's no surprise that she does. You need something simple and she needs to figure out what she wants and how to deal with whatever she has been through. It seems pretty clear that you're both on different pages and aren't the best fit at this point in time.
 
K

keltickennedy

Member
Huh???


Congrats on the weight loss. Probably best to stay away from people like that. There's no need to add more drama to your life.


May there be many windows to climb through in your future!
 
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