sound advice .
And yeah asking her right after again would feel desperate .
Anyway Balls in her court now , now to just wait .
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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sound advice .
And yeah asking her right after again would feel desperate .
Anyway Balls in her court now , now to just wait .
How do I talk to this girl at my work?
I'm security at the building and sit at the front desk most of the time the other employees are here before I go around checking everything in the building.
I see her like 2 times a day when I'm here, mostly just passing by saying hi or 'have a nice night' things like that. I'm only at this building 2 times a week.
I think she's really cute and she seems nice from any time I've seen her talking to someone else in their cubicals or something. I don't even know her name though; and I'm not trying to become some creeper or fawns over her without knowing anything about her (not that I want to be creepy if I did know her...).
I once was going to ask her name, but as I opened my mouth, I decided against it as she walked back into the building. Ideally, I want to get to know her name, chat with her for a little bit over the course of time, and then maybe ask her to tea or drinks or something.
EDIT: I should probably clarify that I'm always bad at talking from the beginning. When just meeting a person, going for an interview, going on a first date, I'm just super bad at it. I can talk epic poems worth of dialog on texts/over facebook/whatever, but once it's in person, I really clam up hard. Once I've known a person or been on some dates or whatever, I relax a lot and can go with the flow easily; but the first time is always the worst for me.. maybe it is for everyone..
I'm security at the building and sit at the front desk most of the time the other employees are here before I go around checking everything in the building
I see her like 2 times a day when I'm here, mostly just passing by saying hi or 'have a nice night' things like that. I'm only at this building 2 times a week.
I think she's really cute and she seems nice from any time I've seen her talking to someone else in their cubicals or something. I don't even know her name though; and I'm not trying to become some creeper or fawns over her without knowing anything about her (not that I want to be creepy if I did know her...).
I once was going to ask her name, but as I opened my mouth, I decided against it as she walked back into the building. Ideally, I want to get to know her name, chat with her for a little bit over the course of time, and then maybe ask her to tea or drinks or something.
EDIT: I should probably clarify that I'm always bad at talking from the beginning. When just meeting a person, going for an interview, going on a first date, I'm just super bad at it. I can talk epic poems worth of dialog on texts/over facebook/whatever, but once it's in person, I really clam up hard. Once I've known a person or been on some dates or whatever, I relax a lot and can go with the flow easily; but the first time is always the worst for me.. maybe it is for everyone..
Etrian Oddity
Member
You may be outta luck bruh. Start it off strong with a good conversation! She may think (know?) you're meek or shy. Almost sounds like you've put her on the pedestal or missed the window.
On a related subject... I need to approach girls more often.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Why are you waiting? Keep doing stuff, don't just wait on someone.
You may be outta luck bruh. Start it off strong with a good conversation! She may think (know?) you're meek or shy. Almost sounds like you've put her on the pedestal or missed the window.
How so? I dont think I have. Ive only been working here for about 6months. I dont think thats "missed the chance" in a work place? Most work place relationships dont work.. afaik..
I will take your advice though and strike a conversation with her.
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
Just want to chime in and say sometimes, ya'll should just not give a fuck and see what happens. You should stop when you feel bad though.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Had a fourth date with someone last Thursday -- Pitch Perfect in the park, wine, snacks -- and aside from randomly encountering the last girl I was seeing there (we both failed to deliberately acknowledge each other), everything went as expected. After the movie, we went for a quick drink, then had a bit of a status-chat. I only remember some of it, but I got the impression she thought I was too good of a catch; she mentioned that it takes her a while and doesn't want to be pushed; and that even things like intimacy take time. I forget how we got to talking about other people, but she said that I absolutely should date other people ... then admitted to feeling flattered when I said that I cut things off with someone else last week because, frankly, I liked her more. (She also confessed doing the same.)
Then she spent the night at my place and we got intimate. Still has an extra key to my place, since I had to leave for work early the next day. She asked me out for next Tuesday, and we're seeing a show. Haven't talked to her today, since she already said she was booked all weekend -- and although I've been hoping she'd make some time this evening to swing by, looks like that's not happening.
Also made plans for a second date on Monday with a cute doctor I took out last week. I honestly wouldn't have, but the whole "I take things slow, you should totally see other people" talk means that I should probably do just that.
Then she spent the night at my place and we got intimate. Still has an extra key to my place, since I had to leave for work early the next day. She asked me out for next Tuesday, and we're seeing a show. Haven't talked to her today, since she already said she was booked all weekend -- and although I've been hoping she'd make some time this evening to swing by, looks like that's not happening.
Also made plans for a second date on Monday with a cute doctor I took out last week. I honestly wouldn't have, but the whole "I take things slow, you should totally see other people" talk means that I should probably do just that.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
She said she takes things slow: a common defensive gesture when you're not sure how the other person feels about you. She said intimacy takes time and that you should see other people.
But, you said you broke things off with someone else, and it sufficiently impressed her to spend the night with you. I'm not sure when she got a key to your place, but that and the fact you were intimate means things have progressed beyond what she said. Actions speak louder than words.
She also asked you out (I remember you said you were paying for the previous dates). I would seriously reconsider that second date with the other girl.
But, you said you broke things off with someone else, and it sufficiently impressed her to spend the night with you. I'm not sure when she got a key to your place, but that and the fact you were intimate means things have progressed beyond what she said. Actions speak louder than words.
She also asked you out (I remember you said you were paying for the previous dates). I would seriously reconsider that second date with the other girl.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I understand what you're saying. But the whole "you should definitely see other people," combined with the revelation that she's still seeing other folks too, along with the fact that I said I'd like to see her sometime this weekend and I've not heard from her, leads me to believe that exclusivity's a ways off. I know she's at a birthday party or something today.
(Oh, and she got the key because I told her to sleep as long as she wanted, but to lock up after she left.)
I've got no interest in being a player here, and had the other girl not contacted me and asked what's up, I wouldn't have done the same. I do like the other girl, though: it's not a case of leading her on in that respect. I am, however, conscious of not designating someone a "backup," and I refuse to do that.
Frankly, I'm pretty terrible at balancing this. I've asked some female co-workers, all of whom say that it's stupid to be monogamous when the girl you're dating isn't. I also got the impression that suggesting it would just pressure her.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Yeah I get what you're saying. Personally, it's not something I can do. When I start ranking and prioritizing then I risk ending up with nothing. As long as you're keeping each other apprised of what's going on then there's no dishonesty or secrets there.
Ugh I don't know why but I'm still hung up on that girl. I feel like its just a couple unanswered questions holding me back right now. I sure its silly but it's just eating me up inside. I keep trying to Say fuck it and move on but I'm having trouble.
Edit
Feeling better. Think I just needed to just put it into words. Still not completely over it but I'm not feeling like garbage anymore.
Edit
Feeling better. Think I just needed to just put it into words. Still not completely over it but I'm not feeling like garbage anymore.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Well, considering I haven't heard from that girl since Friday (she didn't text yesterday, and she didn't reply to the text I sent today), I suppose it was ultimately a sound decision to not blow off the other one. I think, at this point, that I'm starting to realize just how maddeningly difficult this is.
The girl with my key -- well, we'd planned a date this Tuesday or Wednesday, but if she continues to engage in radio silence, maybe I'll just have to ask her to meet briefly so I can retrieve it? I've got no idea. Things were going so well, and now I'm getting that sinking feeling that they're completely not.
Edit: She left her phone in a cab last night and just texted me. Also, she sent me an OKCupid message letting me know this, but since I hadn't logged on, I never got it. Once again, posting on GAF about difficulties seemingly resolves them.
I.... what?
Is this an American thing? Even when you like someone "taking it slow" means dating others?
Well, I don't think this is a cultural thing but more along the lines of "it depends on the person". I know people who date a few people simultaneously and try to decide who they like more and I've found myself in that situation, too. It's kind of weird, it sometimes happens.
I mean, sometimes, especially when you're on dating sites, you might have a few dates lined up and it just so happens that you meet multiple interesting people at the same time.
So long as both people know about it and are okay with it, it's fine, as with everything communication is key. Everyone handles the beginning of a relationship differently, and there are people out there who meet other people to solidify that they feel "more" for the person they're interested in.
I don't personally do that, but I can see it I guess. I'm torn on it. I've dismissed people way too early sometimes - and sometimes because of others. But I also went into "exclusive relationship mode" way too early already... Dunno if there's a "good middle ground".
DJ Lushious
Member
I am a wreck. I miss her so much. I am devastated by the loss. and she won't talk to me anymore. I've fucked everything up.
No, she's just... irregular.
Fucked it up with a girl that I got to know since a few months. Missed the window for more, she was traveling for a bit, got back and we met again a few times. I dunno, I just went completely crazy over her and couldn't think about anything else anymore. Tried to get my mind of by doing work related things, gaming, reading, meditating, changing habits and more. Made plans to travel for a few days together in Europe. Last week we met, ate something together and she felt a bit confused about me so I couldn't take it longer and put myself into a "please ignore me now" phase again. Said that I guess that I have a crush on her and that we shouldn't talk right now with eachother.
Problem was, that she just came from a longer relationship, both of them meet eachother sometimes on the weekends (he lives a bit away). I tried to take the opportunity, fucked everything up as soon as he was in a local shop of a friend of mine and I didn't knew that it was him. Talked about the weekend with a friend of mine and mentioned her, he got angry, I realized that it was him, apologized to her because I didn't want to get into anything between them. Obviously both of them still fuck, but she still isn't sure what to do about him.
Today I chatted her up and asked if we still want to travel here and there, her ex boyfriend is still pissed at me for no fucking reason, she seemingly still cares about his opinions and says that it isn't a good idea anymore. I told her that's fine and that she should what makes her happy.
Now I am fucked, a little bit angry about myself, because these last weeks I wasn't myself. I hate that there is no "please get out of my mind" button for these stupid problems. I am also mad that I wasted so much time with her and that there won't be anything at all right now. I am unable to touch people that I love and I always fuck everything up then. Help?
Problem was, that she just came from a longer relationship, both of them meet eachother sometimes on the weekends (he lives a bit away). I tried to take the opportunity, fucked everything up as soon as he was in a local shop of a friend of mine and I didn't knew that it was him. Talked about the weekend with a friend of mine and mentioned her, he got angry, I realized that it was him, apologized to her because I didn't want to get into anything between them. Obviously both of them still fuck, but she still isn't sure what to do about him.
Today I chatted her up and asked if we still want to travel here and there, her ex boyfriend is still pissed at me for no fucking reason, she seemingly still cares about his opinions and says that it isn't a good idea anymore. I told her that's fine and that she should what makes her happy.
Now I am fucked, a little bit angry about myself, because these last weeks I wasn't myself. I hate that there is no "please get out of my mind" button for these stupid problems. I am also mad that I wasted so much time with her and that there won't be anything at all right now. I am unable to touch people that I love and I always fuck everything up then. Help?
Your post honestly confuses me, I'm having trouble understanding it.
So...
Is that guy you ran into her actually her ex? Even if they aren't romantically involved, they still have sex, though?
You fell in love with a woman you didn't date or do anything with, and dropped you because her ex got jealous?
Answer these, please. Either way, your attitude is faaaaaaar too negative in general, given that last sentence, it's not a pretty look for dating. You might wanna work on that before trying to date.
Yes sounds confusing. I try to clarify in a timeline:
Met her in February through that friends shop
We were just friends
Met her in the shop again and she told me she is single again
We did a few things together, went partying etc.
I was in the shop, didn't realize that her ex-bf was there too (didn't realize it was him)
Talked with a friend about the weekend and that she slept at my place etc. nothing sexual
Realized (well, got told) that he is her ex-bf, told her over phone that it could be that I fucked her chances up (both of them broke up because of the distance and more)
He was at her place over that weekend, they still fuck
We still did things and she considered pushing him aside for good
She went traveling for a month and I did my own things
She came back, we both did things again, made plans for traveling here and there in europe
Couldn't take it anymore, knew that I didn't gave her the feeling for more, fucked everything before that already up, only friends
Told her that I have to stop talking with her, because it wrecks my shit and that I like her
After a week I contacted her again because I still want to travel and she does too
Her ex-bf is funky and she said that we shouldn't do that
End.
I just want to get over this and improve my emotions. I like to be alone at times, but it wasn't a problem with her so I fell into the trap and now my brains fucks with me. I also know that there are many other woman, but I just have to take the bullet and forget this.
Meow, is this the same bf you were having trouble with sometime in the past, or is this a new man?
These are my thoughts in "real-time" as I read your post:
1. On the early stuff - No, it's not your fault for asking about something like that. Quote.
Yes sounds confusing. I try to clarify in a timeline:
I just want to get over this and improve my emotions. I like to be alone at times, but it wasn't a problem with her so I fell into the trap and now my brains fucks with me. I also know that there are many other woman, but I just have to take the bullet and forget this.[/QUOTE]
Oh, okay then.
Honestly, looks like she just wanted a FWB situation, like she didn't want an actual relationship, but more than just the random sex she was getting from her ex. So basically, she wanted all the fun times of a relationship without the commitment and other less fun things that comes with a relationship.
In other words... she was probably just using you and stringing you along.
It sucks, and it may take a bit to get over it, but you gotta try to move on. Even if that stuff continued, her ex-bf being such a big part of her life seemed like big trouble for you anyway.
Hey, thanks! Yeah I dunno doesn't really have to be FWB, but I feel a bit used even though she told me that I shouldn't feel like that. She said I was charming and cool and that she has fun being with me, but I should just forget this. I am just really mad that I wasted my time with this, because I wasn't able to give the right signals from the beginning. Urgs.
Doesn't help that the weather is grey, but it somehow will work out for sure. Just sad, because she was one of the more cool people that I met in my life. I should stop talking about her good qualities - feels like one-itis.
What the fuck? I just don't understand people.... I went on a date with a girl from Pof a couple years back, we had a blast but the timing wasn't right. Fast forward today, we start talking again and she wanted to come over at 1 to watch anime and eat. We talk for a couple hours and she just vanishes mid convo and stops responding. Here we are past 1 and no cancelation, no response. I just don't get the total disrespect people have
shanafan
Member
Yeah, I can see the frustration with that. Curious, when you guys set a 'date' for 1 PM, how come you continued to text for a couple hours? The way I would spin that would be set the date for 1 PM, say "See you then", and then let the couple hours of text turn into conversation pieces when she comes over.
Let's hope nothing happened to her though of course.
Shuggananas
Banned
Yea. She's been active on fb, so I know she's fine. Just a shitty situation that rubbed me the wrong way. Doesn't take 5 sec to send a text saying you can't make it
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Really? I don't dispute this, but nothing struck even my female friends as odd - that is, until you have the talk about exclusivity, you aren't. I think the point the girl in dating meant was that she didn't want to rush into that so quickly (though she did ask to see me Thursday, as she's going out of town this weekend). I'm trying not to pressure her; I think I'm succeeding at that.
How odd does this seem to others, anyway?
I mean, it's not odd you're both dating other people, more that, from the way you said it, she's stressing that you do so. Most women usually would rather have exclusivity. Not to say it's a particularly bad thing; it's honestly something I'd say. I just don't consider myself normal in that aspect.
Amory
Member
being lonely really sucks.
I try to spend time with friends as much as possible, but during the weeks (and a lot of the time during the weekends) everyone's busy with their SOs. I'd say outside of work and time with family I'm probably alone 90% of my waking life.
even if you're good at keeping yourself company, it takes a serious toll after a while.
I try to spend time with friends as much as possible, but during the weeks (and a lot of the time during the weekends) everyone's busy with their SOs. I'd say outside of work and time with family I'm probably alone 90% of my waking life.
even if you're good at keeping yourself company, it takes a serious toll after a while.
So I went on a second date with a girl that went well and ended with a kiss. I wanted to line up the third date in such a way that we end up in bed together. My idea is to take her for a wine tour and do a list minute stay in town for the night because we've had too much to drink.
I'm not being sleazy because she told that she might be going overseas for a year to do her PHD but would still be interested in seeing me. I met her through an online dating site where one of her interests listed was sex.
I'm not being sleazy because she told that she might be going overseas for a year to do her PHD but would still be interested in seeing me. I met her through an online dating site where one of her interests listed was sex.
Yep! It used to not get to me, but after being with my ex so long, who was super needy, I've kinda miss the attention of someone always thinking about me and wanting to spend time with me. I find myself texting my friends way too often now after our break up :/
Mr Solo Dolo
Member
Maybe not sleazy, but definitely creepy.
ZackieChan
Member
Damn, matched with a bunch of cute girls on Tinder, but a few were fakes (messaged me with a link) and others unmatched me after I sent my message. I think they don't want to date someone older. Anywhere but the US that's never been a problem. Can't wait to gtfo of this country again next month. Cramps my style big time!
I'm keeping it real bro
Why is it creepy?
ZackieChan
Member
I could see it as creepy to set up the situation where he HAS to sleep over to try to get sex. And of course getting her drunk.
I think the better solution is to keep moving the date to different places, ending at your place.
Oh, I missed the part where they end up in bed because they're too drunk. Yeah, definitely creepy AND sleazy.
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe Anaslexy is actually Roosh V, fresh from his Montreal wig incident.
Eh, he should wait. Relationships that are too one sided aren't the best.
Uh huh.
So you're gonna get her drunk and then try to bone her by insisting for her to stay at either a hotel or your place specifically because you got her drunk.
Real top-tier man, here. Tell whatever you wanna tell yourself to make you feel better.
You do realize that, according to the law, if someone is drunk, they are not able to give consent, right? And if, say, you two have sex while she's drunk, and she wakes up and finds that hey, she wasn't very happy you took advantage of her while drunk, that she could charge you with rape, right? And your defense of "well she was drunk!" isn't gonna fly in court.
Will that actually happen? Who knows, sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. But why take the risk and instead try to woo her into the bed with your natural wit and charm, instead of ruining her judgement with alcohol?
But yeah, planning a date and a 'out' for the sole purpose of having sex with someone is sleazy, creepy, and a bit gross, whether or not she had an "interest" in sex. I mean, 98% of us have an interest in sex. Putting it on our profiles doesn't really make it a different game.
You misunderstood, He meant do other things as in 'other things that don't involve said girl', whether that's him doing him or him talking to other chicks.
ryutaro's mama
Member
But it didn't necessarily say "sex with YOU".
I can not sanction the shenanigans you are planning to ply her with alcohol. It's actually pretty awful, tbh.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Bro, you're overreacting. She loves sex AND she's going out of the country for a whole year. What do?
Dammit, how didn't I notice that! He may not get another chance for sex for a year, nay, for the rest of his life! He must secure that sweet pooty tang at any costs, morals and decency be damned!
...Wait, you were joking, right? My sarcasm meter's off today.
This means either one, or all of them, like you.
Assuming you and her hooked up (I can't figure out if you are being reserved or if you are tiptoeing around the fact that you two haven't slept together) It's quite likely she is telling him she can't decide between you two. I think everytime you pull out of her games, she gets more attracted to you.
This guy was probably not very jealous in the relationship and she found out a way to get the validation from him she wasn't getting.
This was a wise move.
I think you did quite a few things properly: apologizing to her, getting out of her games, and most of all getting her "rejection" without calling her names or talking shit about her in this thread. You have potential.
If you have slept with her, it's likely she'll come back given that you stay away until she is the one to make a move. If you haven't, eject because she is just using you to make the boyfriend jealous.
I've got my fingers crossed that I hear back from this lady today or tomorrow.
Back story:
Through my work, we do a pen pal program with a local elementary school (1st and 2nd graders). This was my third year participating. The most recent school year had me corresponding with an adorable little second grader. At the start and end of the year, we visit the school to meet our pal. A few weeks into June after the school year ended, I got an email from the mother of the girl. She had looked me up (I'm a public worker, so it isn't exactly hard to track me down) and was thanking me for being a good friend and role model for her daughter. We talked back and forth for about a month and a half through email (kinda flirty), and I steered us into meeting so I could get a picture of the two of us (little girl) together.
As an aside:
We ended up meeting on Saturday and spent a couple of hours together with her and her two daughters. She's divorced and I feel like we connected. She took a picture of me and the two girls and asked if I wanted her to take a picture with my phone. Cunning guy that I am, I just told her to send me a copy of the pic she took with her phone. Obviously so there would be reason for us to correspond at least once more beyond that meeting.
I emailed her this morning and asked if she wanted to meet up again, with or without the kids. Listed my phone number. Apologized if I misinterpreted our connection, and ended by asking for the photo.
Ball is in her court. I'm pretty rusty on the dating game, but I feel pretty good about it, although nervous.
Back story:
Through my work, we do a pen pal program with a local elementary school (1st and 2nd graders). This was my third year participating. The most recent school year had me corresponding with an adorable little second grader. At the start and end of the year, we visit the school to meet our pal. A few weeks into June after the school year ended, I got an email from the mother of the girl. She had looked me up (I'm a public worker, so it isn't exactly hard to track me down) and was thanking me for being a good friend and role model for her daughter. We talked back and forth for about a month and a half through email (kinda flirty), and I steered us into meeting so I could get a picture of the two of us (little girl) together.
As an aside:
We ended up meeting on Saturday and spent a couple of hours together with her and her two daughters. She's divorced and I feel like we connected. She took a picture of me and the two girls and asked if I wanted her to take a picture with my phone. Cunning guy that I am, I just told her to send me a copy of the pic she took with her phone. Obviously so there would be reason for us to correspond at least once more beyond that meeting.
I emailed her this morning and asked if she wanted to meet up again, with or without the kids. Listed my phone number. Apologized if I misinterpreted our connection, and ended by asking for the photo.
Ball is in her court. I'm pretty rusty on the dating game, but I feel pretty good about it, although nervous.
Uh, no, answering a question a co-worker asks about dating doesn't give signs that they like you. They're just giving an opinion, not trying to manipulate him into getting in bed with them. I mean, he's been single and not dating anyone in the very recent past. They could have tried then.
electricshake
Member
Uh no it doesn't.
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