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[gaiages]

I dunno. His plan was to lie to a girl about his intentions so that she'd still hang out with him, and then try to convince her into a short-term relationship. If he was upfront about wanting to be more than friends until she leaves, it'd all be good. It's just the being a phony friend thing that's off.

Ah... hmm... I read it as his was going to be honest with her. Looking at the post again, yeah, I see that. Whoops. >.>"" Now I feel shitty for saying what I said before because I enabled this:

I would go along with the friend routine, get her drunk and then make a move.

That's fucking gross. Don't do that. DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WOMEN WHILE THEY ARE DRUNK. Did the things we say before not matter or some shit?

So, why is being the guy girls complain to about other guys a bad thing?

Because they're using you as an emotional blanket as they go out with other dudes (and if they're in a relationship with her, that's their job). Nothing wrong with a complaint every once and a while, but if a happens consistently, it's a problem.

I have zero experience in this. GAF, what should I do?

Leave the ball in her court. If she wants to go out again, let her text you, you've done your part. Don't wait on her, either; go out and date other women if you can. Two dates in a month is already a bit of a red flag--that's very little time together in that span of time, after all. She sounds way too busy to be in a relationship.

Anyways I guess what I want to know is how should I approach her tomorrow at work? Should I even bring up that she never even tried to contact me this weekend? Or should I just act like nothing ever happened and see how she reacts to being around me at work?

For starters, don't let her use you for her emotional/physical cheating. If she wants to be with you, tell her she has to break up with her man. Don't let her hurt this other person's feelings because she's "not emotionally invested". That's a bullshit reason, and by using you to fool around while dating this other guy she's essentially trying to have her cake and eat it too. Don't be the guy that doesn't mind other people cheating on relationships with him, it's not a good look.

As for your questions, I'd say just act normally around her.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Because they're using you as an emotional blanket as they go out with other dudes (and if they're in a relationship with her, that's their job). Nothing wrong with a complaint every once and a while, but if a happens consistently, it's a problem.

Had that happen to me twice this summer.

 

[stn]

Agreed with everything gaiages posted.

 

[anaslexy]

I was friend zoned because she is going away and doesn't want a relationship or have anyone hurt. And if my plan was to get her in the sack in a sleazy way, I wouldn't be talking about being upfront with her. I would go along with the friend routine, get her drunk and then make a move.

The similar plan I had posted earlier was after date two when I was told she is leaving town. The idea was the same to let her know I didn't want to be just friends.

Ah... hmm... I read it as his was going to be honest with her. Looking at the post again, yeah, I see that. Whoops. >.>"" Now I feel shitty for saying what I said before because I enabled this:

That's fucking gross. Don't do that. DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WOMEN WHILE THEY ARE DRUNK. Did the things we say before not matter or some shit?

I read what I posted again and I'm guilty as charged for saying what I said and I completely understand the reactions here. However what I meant to say that "I wouldn't" and iPhone autocorrect made it sound the completely opposite.

I 100% admit that statement makes me sound like sleazebag but all my other posts contradict this statement. It probably sounds like I'm trying to make a cheap comeback but I'll let you believe what you want.

I had breakfast with this girl and said that we should be more than friends with the understand that the relationship would end when she leaves town. She said yeah that is possible but she can't keep me a priority has she might have to start packing this week if her documents through from the university. I said I understand her priorities and we can work around them.

I also suggested that I take to a winery overnight later this week and she said she would be interested, however she will me know later in the week. If she gets a response from the uni, she would have to start packing, renting her apt out etc.

In the end, I feel good that I did what I set out to in my mind and feel good about the date. Again, sorry about causing a confusion here.

 

[gaiages]

Had that happen to me twice this summer.

Well, I believe you learned your lesson there

In the end, I feel good that I did what I set out to in my mind and feel good about the date. Again, sorry about causing a confusion here.

Hey, as long as you're not trying to make a move while she's drunk, then you're good. Sounds like you were honest with her at the breakfast, at least.

 

[Vic_Bast]

Leave the ball in her court. If she wants to go out again, let her text you, you've done your part. Don't wait on her, either; go out and date other women if you can. Two dates in a month is already a bit of a red flag--that's very little time together in that span of time, after all. She sounds way too busy to be in a relationship.

Thanks man. I won't lie, doing this will be quite difficult, I really want to se her again.
About dating other women, I don't even know how to approach someone. I met this girl because a coworker introduced us.

I know that two dates in a month is too little, but she keeps saying that she is interested in me and to wait for this month to end so we can enjoy more time together.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Well, I believe you learned your lesson there

Great. What's next on the lesson plan?

 

[NeOak]

Agreed with everything gaiages posted.

Seconding this

 

[ZackieChan]

Lots of these situations involve you learning about, then disregarding or overlooking an important detail.

Like, she says she can't hang out for a few weeks or isn't looking for a relationship. OK. Later you wonder why the opposite isn't true.

This is why you don't put everything on one person. Always be playing the field until it at least moves past the "why isn't she texting me back right away?" phase.

And if you respond to someone who asks you to hang out with something vague and noncommittal, they will take it that way and probably move on. Especially when your answer is "we can do something in a few weeks." If you can't be arsed to see them within two weeks or respond with something definite, it reads like a no.

 

[n64coder]

Can some of you help me out? As a girl what are you supposed to say when men ask you out for drinks? I would say "sure" or "I'm down" then they never text me again. It's depressing how often this happens and does wonders for my self-esteem.

The only thing I would do differently is expand a bit more than just say "yes". Suggest some days/times that work for you and see what he says. Basically follow luckboyceo's advice below.

Make solid plans. If you don't feel comfortable leading charge, just respond with something like "Sure! I'm free Wednesday and Friday night," and let them take it from there.

If they legitimately want to see you, they'll make sure they do. With that said, as a guy, sometimes it can be daunting having to pick the day, time, location and activity, especially if you were just casually interested in the person.

 

[Dragon]

I'm pretty confused about my feelings over this woman. She's a mutual friend that I've probably known for about four years. We have tried to date a couple of times to no avail, but every time we just hang out not on an official date, we end up going home together (although always to her place where she gives the excuse that her roommate is home and she doesn't want to make a ton of noise, so no sex). The last time happened on Thursday night. We get along well, but she was up front, in that typical cliche "I really get along with you well and I don't want to ruin that by trying to bring feelings into the mix".

I'm not even sure I want a relationship with her, but I really enjoy her company and I think the only way to figure out if I do, is if I continue to hang out with her periodically. Does that make a sense? Or am I kinda crazy and should I just give up considering we've dated before and it didn't work out?

 

[Tsukumo]

So, why is being the guy girls complain to about other guys a bad thing?

It's actually a good thing if you can turn it around. Simply say (or better yet, show) that the attitude they are complaining about applies to you also.

Hey guys, first time posting on this thread and I too, really need some advice.
Sorry for my bad english, but I will try to do my best.

So, I have been seeing this girl for about a month. We had two dates until now, holding hands, french kissing and all. However, on our second date she warned me that this month she would be very busy due to her new job.

Two weeks ago (08/14) I texted asking her if she wanted to catch a movie. She replied saying that she was really tired and would need the weekend to study.
Then, we keep talking to each other during the week and last friday I ask her out again. This time she had to go with her family to a nearby city, a 2 day trip, to visit some parents.

Now I really don't know if I should keep texting, ask her out once again or just ignore and let her text me. I am 25 now, will turn 26 next November and she is the first girl that I went out with. Also, the first time I kissed someone.

I have zero experience in this. GAF, what should I do?

Move on. She is being polite about rejecting you.

Ok here is a long story and one I need some help with:

A co-worker and I have been talking for about 4 months or so and really really get along with each other. We always hang out with each other at work, and we always are on the same page when it comes to most things. Anyways fast forward to this last Friday and her and me went out for the night (now she does have a BF). Anyways we have fun playing pool and sharing a couple of drinks (neither of us got drunk) then we talk for about 30-45 minutes in the middle of playing pool. We end up leaving, and when we get back to the parking spot of her truck we start fooling around. After we are done I stay for another 30 minutes with her and we just talk, after that I leave and before I go she gives me a kiss.

This was the kiss of death. That moment in the truck was an "all or nothing" moment.

I text her the next morning and tell her I had a good time, she replies. Then I send another message and haven't heard from her since. Now before anybody judges me she has really dropped out of her relationship with her BF (emotionally) for about 6 months already.

Don't believe her.

They do not have sex and she is really forthcoming to me about that.

Don't believe her.

I like this girl, but at the same time question why after having fun this weekend she doesn't even try to contact me at all. Of course that could be because she has to deal with the BF being around, but regardless I would still think if she was fine with what happened that she would at least say "hi" to me.

She is waiting for someone to "rescue her" from her boyfriend, she is tired of him but doesn't want to be the one to drop the axe. You are going to have to do all the work (and bear all the responsibility for breaking her up) if you want to be with her. There's probably at least one other guy she is playing this game with.
Ask her about ex-boyfriends.

Anyways I guess what I want to know is how should I approach her tomorrow at work? Should I even bring up that she never even tried to contact me this weekend? Or should I just act like nothing ever happened and see how she reacts to being around me at work?

Act like nothing happened. Assume that you are going to have to start from zero next time you are alone with her. Deny her any chance to talk shit about her boyfriend.

 

[gaiages]

This was the kiss of death. That moment in the truck was an "all or nothing" moment.



Don't believe her.



Don't believe her.



She is waiting for someone to "rescue her" from her boyfriend, she is tired of him but doesn't want to be the one to drop the axe. You are going to have to do all the work (and bear all the responsibility for breaking her up) if you want to be with her. There's probably at least one other guy she is playing this game with.
Ask her about ex-boyfriends.



Act like nothing happened. Assume that you are going to have to start from zero next time you are alone with her. Deny her any chance to talk shit about her boyfriend.

I mostly agree with you Tsukumo, but I'd like to add that if the guy *does* go through the effort to "save her" and break up the current relationship with her bf, there's no guarantee that she will end up with him afterwards, and even if she does she might end up doing the same to him.

It's extremely likely to be not worth the effort.

 

[ZackieChan]

I'm pretty confused about my feelings over this woman. She's a mutual friend that I've probably known for about four years. We have tried to date a couple of times to no avail, but every time we just hang out not on an official date, we end up going home together (although always to her place where she gives the excuse that her roommate is home and she doesn't want to make a ton of noise, so no sex). The last time happened on Thursday night. We get along well, but she was up front, in that typical cliche "I really get along with you well and I don't want to ruin that by trying to bring feelings into the mix".

I'm not even sure I want a relationship with her, but I really enjoy her company and I think the only way to figure out if I do, is if I continue to hang out with her periodically. Does that make a sense? Or am I kinda crazy and should I just give up considering we've dated before and it didn't work out?

Can you just be friends with her? Because that's what it sounds like she wants. If she wanted sex, it would have happened.

If you have romantic feelings, probably best to move on.

So many of the posts ITT are these weird teasing non-relationships. If the other side really wanted it and you make your intentions known (asking them on a date specifically and acting like you want them physically - touching them while you walk, etc) then you'd know what the deal was. When they don't respond either to your advances or your texts, best to move on. Maybe they'll come around, maybe they won't. But don't keep beating your head against a wall. You could be moving on to what could be a much better and more fulfilling relationship with someone else, instead!

 

[Denzar]

Sounds like a bullshit excuse. Guy or girl dumping someone after TWO YEARS with a line like that is something out of this world. She must have been already tired of the relationship and found that to be the last drop, not the real reason.
Sounds too much like something a guy would say, anyway. A bro with a tank top and a baseball cap.

Oh, you misunderstood. She dumped me two years ago. Relationship lasted 3 months.

Either way, I sent her the text. She replied and asked me if I was able to recuperate from the fest. Replied that I felt fine and that's it's always a pleasure to see her. She replied with "Same for me!".

Then nothing and I kinda stopped caring...

Thanks either way, duder!

 

[Ethics Gradient]

Ah yes, happens when I least want it to...

Been talking with someone who is "always down to grab a bottle of wine, watch a movie and eat some sushi!" and I said "how about in the next couple of weeks then" or something... nothing~~~~~. Going to keep trying though because this guy always replies to me eventually... Lol.

Leeness. Just making sure you know what watching a movie with food & wine is code for. In most cases.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Ok here is a long story and one I need some help with:

A co-worker and I have been talking for about 4 months or so and really really get along with each other. We always hang out with each other at work, and we always are on the same page when it comes to most things. Anyways fast forward to this last Friday and her and me went out for the night (now she does have a BF). Anyways we have fun playing pool and sharing a couple of drinks (neither of us got drunk) then we talk for about 30-45 minutes in the middle of playing pool. We end up leaving, and when we get back to the parking spot of her truck we start fooling around. After we are done I stay for another 30 minutes with her and we just talk, after that I leave and before I go she gives me a kiss.I text her the next morning and tell her I had a good time, she replies. Then I send another message and haven't heard from her since. Now before anybody judges me she has really dropped out of her relationship with her BF (emotionally) for about 6 months already. They do not have sex and she is really forthcoming to me about that. I like this girl, but at the same time question why after having fun this weekend she doesn't even try to contact me at all. Of course that could be because she has to deal with the BF being around, but regardless I would still think if she was fine with what happened that she would at least say "hi" to me.

Anyways I guess what I want to know is how should I approach her tomorrow at work? Should I even bring up that she never even tried to contact me this weekend? Or should I just act like nothing ever happened and see how she reacts to being around me at work?

Nah this is no good. Why would you want a woman who isn't mature enough to break up with someone when she doesn't want to date them anymore?

That's a crappy thing to do and I wouldn't want to get involved with someone who does that.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

It's actually a good thing if you can turn it around. Simply say (or better yet, show) that the attitude they are complaining about applies to you also.

I don't know. Seems too risky, they'll just laugh and say no.

 

[Leeness]

Leeness. Just making sure you know what watching a movie with food & wine is code for. In most cases.

Nah, it's all good. We're not attracted to each other.

It's just a pain in the ass trying to hang out with him since he replies so infrequently lol.

 

[Deleted member 529084]

Well...I know you guys hate my updates...but it's finally over, I was right and I caught her.

So, we were kinda working on things and she told me she was going to the beach with her mom on Fri and staying the night.

She talked to up till about 4pm and just stopped all contact till around 1pm the next day. I thought it odd but chalked it up to her being with her kids and family.
But at the same time the time frame made me think it perfect to be a trip to NYC if I was in my "paranoid" mindset.

I went over house Sat and we hung out and had drinks then Sunday I spent the day with her daughter and her. Took them out to eat and had a really good day.

Sunday tho was odd cause in the car she asked "Ever heard of Tao, I've been their. Thas where famous people go in NYC. They let beautiful and famous people in only"
I was like...why is she telling me this?

So today she ended it, kind of expected it cause she was distant all weekend even through it all.

Tonight I decided to check her Instagram for the hell of it.
What do you know, Sat morning she uploaded pics of Tao and she tagged the artist.

I messaged her...but she STILL denied it lol.

Saying it was pics from 2 weeks ago she decided to upload Sat. She begged me to come over...pleaded she had to talk to me face to face.

She stuck to her 2 week story, elaborated a story about how at the beach her dad was even sick and they were at the hospital...tho decided to never share this info all weekend and also telling me how she steered her boys to rides instead of games.

She tried to touch me all over, use sex against me pretty much.

What it was is fear...she scared I'll tell everyone she's sleeping with her tattoo artist. She kept saying "can't we be friends" "let's not hate one another" etc..
This was after earlier breaking up with me and saying I was deleted from her phone etc..

She asked me to delete our phone messages lol She wants this squashed away. Hidden that's she's a "starfucker"

The best was the last few weeks when she was parroting his tattoo artist Buddah type rhetoric, saying "Girlfriend and Boyfriend are just labels.." or best yet using terms like "Abortion of communication"...saying this like "I must amputate this relationship"..wtf kind of derivative bullshit is that?

 

[ZombieFred]

Well...I know you guys hate my updates...but it's finally over, I was right and I caught her.

So, we were kinda working on things and she told me she was going to the beach with her mom on Fri and staying the night.

She talked to up till about 4pm and just stopped all contact till around 1pm the next day. I thought it odd but chalked it up to her being with her kids and family.
But at the same time the time frame made me think it perfect to be a trip to NYC if I was in my "paranoid" mindset.

I went over house Sat and we hung out and had drinks then Sunday I spent the day with her daughter and her. Took them out to eat and had a really good day.

Sunday tho was odd cause in the car she asked "Ever heard of Tao, I've been their. Thas where famous people go in NYC. They let beautiful and famous people in only"
I was like...why is she telling me this?

So today she ended it, kind of expected it cause she was distant all weekend even through it all.

Tonight I decided to check her Instagram for the hell of it.
What do you know, Sat morning she uploaded pics of Tao and she tagged the artist.

I messaged her...but she STILL denied it lol.

Saying it was pics from 2 weeks ago she decided to upload Sat. She begged me to come over...pleaded she had to talk to me face to face.

She stuck to her 2 week story, elaborated a story about how at the beach her dad was even sick and they were at the hospital...tho decided to never share this info all weekend and also telling me how she steered her boys to rides instead of games.

She tried to touch me all over, use sex against me pretty much.

What it was is fear...she scared I'll tell everyone she's sleeping with her tattoo artist. She kept saying "can't we be friends" "let's not hate one another" etc..
This was after earlier breaking up with me and saying I was deleted from her phone etc..

She asked me to delete our phone messages lol She wants this squashed away. Hidden that's she's a "starfucker"

The best was the last few weeks when she was parroting his tattoo artist Buddah type rhetoric, saying "Girlfriend and Boyfriend are just labels.." or best yet using terms like "Abortion of communication"...saying this like "I must amputate this relationship"..wtf kind of derivative bullshit is that?

So, anyone wanna know who she was fucking this whole time?

You should get checked just in case dude. Who knows who the guy's been with and all that. Just a quick caution.

 

[ramparter]

So, anyone wanna know who she was fucking this whole time?

Yes please.

 

[Shuggananas]

Well...I know you guys hate my updates...but it's finally over, I was right and I caught her.

So, we were kinda working on things and she told me she was going to the beach with her mom on Fri and staying the night.

She talked to up till about 4pm and just stopped all contact till around 1pm the next day. I thought it odd but chalked it up to her being with her kids and family.
But at the same time the time frame made me think it perfect to be a trip to NYC if I was in my "paranoid" mindset.

I went over house Sat and we hung out and had drinks then Sunday I spent the day with her daughter and her. Took them out to eat and had a really good day.

Sunday tho was odd cause in the car she asked "Ever heard of Tao, I've been their. Thas where famous people go in NYC. They let beautiful and famous people in only"
I was like...why is she telling me this?

So today she ended it, kind of expected it cause she was distant all weekend even through it all.

Tonight I decided to check her Instagram for the hell of it.
What do you know, Sat morning she uploaded pics of Tao and she tagged the artist.

I messaged her...but she STILL denied it lol.

Saying it was pics from 2 weeks ago she decided to upload Sat. She begged me to come over...pleaded she had to talk to me face to face.

She stuck to her 2 week story, elaborated a story about how at the beach her dad was even sick and they were at the hospital...tho decided to never share this info all weekend and also telling me how she steered her boys to rides instead of games.

She tried to touch me all over, use sex against me pretty much.

What it was is fear...she scared I'll tell everyone she's sleeping with her tattoo artist. She kept saying "can't we be friends" "let's not hate one another" etc..
This was after earlier breaking up with me and saying I was deleted from her phone etc..

She asked me to delete our phone messages lol She wants this squashed away. Hidden that's she's a "starfucker"

The best was the last few weeks when she was parroting his tattoo artist Buddah type rhetoric, saying "Girlfriend and Boyfriend are just labels.." or best yet using terms like "Abortion of communication"...saying this like "I must amputate this relationship"..wtf kind of derivative bullshit is that?

So, anyone wanna know who she was fucking this whole time?

So.. see you in two weeks when you'll be fucking her again ?

 

[Deleted member 529084]

So.. see you in two weeks when you'll be fucking her again ?

No...I'm done.

I needed this. I battled back and forth between if I was delusional..she kept me thinking I was the crazy paranoid one. She spun my head so much and made me think I was fucked up.

While she denies it theirs really no way I can be wrong. It's staring me in the face...and while it hurts it feels good to know finally.

 

[Deleted member 529084]

Yes please.

Rethinking it I prob shouldn't devulge the guys info.

 

[ramparter]

Rethinking it I prob shouldn't devulge the guys info.

I should just let it go. He won. He's rich and knows famous people and is an artist...Fuck it.

But you are a gaffer. He can't win.

Btw I knew a girl who was f*cking a well known music producer in my country - he was married, was twice her age and even had children of her age.

 

[Deleted member 529084]

But you are a gaffer. He can't win.

Btw I knew a girl who was f*cking a well known music producer in my country - he was married, was twice her age and even had children of her age.

I cant..I wanna walk away clean. I got my hands dirty when I wrote that scathing letter last time. This time...I just walk away.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

So.. see you in two weeks when you'll be fucking her again ?

:lol

 

[Roberto Larcos]

Moving to Spain for 10 months from the UK. Any recommendations on how to get by while my Spanish isn't perfect (passable, but not perfect)? Also, are therr any major changes in dating culture? Do's and do not's, that sort of thing.

 

[MisterRoboto]

Rethinking it I prob shouldn't devulge the guys info.

I should just let it go. He won. He's rich and knows famous people and is an artist...Fuck it.

This reminded me of when one of my ex's met a famous actor at a panel at comic con. She tweeted him after and he replied and was trying to get her to go to NY and meet up. I had no idea how to react I mean how could I compete? haha Definitely a strange experience in which I probably could have handled better.

 

[Llyranor]

Moving to Spain for 10 months from the UK. Any recommendations on how to get by while my Spanish isn't perfect (passable, but not perfect)? Also, are therr any major changes in dating culture? Do's and do not's, that sort of thing.

Pollo means chicken.

Eat jamon iberico.

That's all I got.

 

[Jokab]

Moving to Spain for 10 months from the UK. Any recommendations on how to get by while my Spanish isn't perfect (passable, but not perfect)? Also, are therr any major changes in dating culture? Do's and do not's, that sort of thing.

"Dos cervezas por favor."

 

[Roberto Larcos]

Pollo means chicken.

Eat jamon iberico.

That's all I got.

"Dos cervezas por favor."

That's advice to live by, to be fair.

 

[Megalosaro]

This isn't really a dating question but it is sort of related.

I have two co-workers that I regularly chat with.

Coworker 1: 30 years old. Married. Gave birth last year.

Coworker 2: 40 years old. Single. Recent empty nester.

I chat with both, but recently I noticed the 40 year old makes comments like "why are you talking to (30 year old) so much" if I talk to the younger coworker more. I am pretty sure she gets pretty jealous

I like both coworkers a lot, but worried I may be walking a dangerous line. Funny thing is I am more attracted to the 40 year old and like her more.

How should I proceed? I don't want no trouble.

 

[Shuggananas]

This isn't really a dating question but it is sort of related.

I have two co-workers that I regularly chat with.

Coworker 1: 30 years old. Married. Gave birth last year.

Coworker 2: 40 years old. Single. Recent empty nester.

I chat with both, but recently I noticed the 40 year old makes comments like "why are you talking to (30 year old) so much" if I talk to the younger coworker more. I am pretty sure she gets pretty jealous

I like both coworkers a lot, but worried I may be walking a dangerous line. Funny thing is I am more attracted to the 40 year old and like her more.

How should I proceed? I don't want no trouble.

Ask the 40 yo why she's asking that ?
Wouldn't recommend banging a coworker but whatever floats your boat

 

[Megalosaro]

I have a policy against banding coworkers too. But I want to diffuse a potentially dangerous situation with her while being cordial.

 

[MisterRoboto]

I have a policy against banding coworkers too. But I want to diffuse a potentially dangerous situation with her while being cordial.

I second not get involved with coworkers. I don't see the danger here though, especially if you don't plan to pursue anything with the 40 year old. It may not be jealousy too. Perhaps she just doesn't like the 30 year old woman and doesn't get why you do. That has happened to me at work when I become friends with two people who don't really like each other, you kind of get in the middle.

 

[gaiages]

Just ask her why she's asking. She's either jealous (which is petty) or she thinks she could play cupid with you and the other co-worker (which you'll probably wanna stop) or she simply doesn't like the other woman (which is something).

I'm confused, though. Are you planning on getting with either of these women or not? Your responses are vague with that.

 

[Megalosaro]

I don't think that is it. They are very friend with each other. In fact they shortness more things talking to each other than they do me.

 

[Llyranor]

I ignored the 'don't date coworkers' advice before. So, let me be clear on this:

DON'T DATE COWORKERS

 

[stn]

Don't make moves on co-worker #1, she's married (duh). #2 is most likely jealous because #1 is younger than her, or she's just insecure in general because she's single. Either way, don't bother with either. Learn how to change the subject and deflect when she takes the conversation in a direction you don't like.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

I ignored the 'don't date coworkers' advice before. So, let me be clear on this:

DON'T DATE COWORKERS

Yeah, there's always drama behind it or something.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

This isn't really a dating question but it is sort of related.

I have two co-workers that I regularly chat with.

Coworker 1: 30 years old. Married. Gave birth last year.

Coworker 2: 40 years old. Single. Recent empty nester.

I chat with both, but recently I noticed the 40 year old makes comments like "why are you talking to (30 year old) so much" if I talk to the younger coworker more. I am pretty sure she gets pretty jealous

I like both coworkers a lot, but worried I may be walking a dangerous line. Funny thing is I am more attracted to the 40 year old and like her more.

How should I proceed? I don't want no trouble.

This is work, tell #2 that the other coworker is nice to talk to then ask if that is a problem. Frankly I wouldn't even fucking entertain anyone in my work place talking to me like I need a license or a reason to talk to someone. She should mind her own business and you should not have to tread lightly about having friendly conversations with people you work with.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I have a policy against banding coworkers too. But I want to diffuse a potentially dangerous situation with her while being cordial.

I don't think that is it. They are very friend with each other. In fact they shortness more things talking to each other than they do me.

What's with the vague answers and not directly answering questions posed to you? I'd really love to see how "potentially dangerous" a situation of you not wanting to date a woman can be. What a bunch of drama queens.

 

[Daria]

Asking for friend based out of NY.

He recently found a match on Tinder like, a week or so ago I think, they've hit it off and been chatting. I guess the message got a little explicit but I didn't see any of that. He's trying to figure out if he should set up a date with this girl or not. He just turned 21 earlier in the year, she's 17. All of which is OK under NY law according to my knowledge. I think some of it has to do with being immortal in someones opinion, he's asking for advice. He's also a virgin fwiw

 

[Max]

If I could only post one thing before being banned from gaf forever it would be 'dont' date co-workers'

 

[ZackieChan]

"Asking for a friend"

 

[TipsyArchmage]

Asking for friend based out of NY.

He recently found a match on Tinder like, a week or so ago I think, they've hit it off and been chatting. I guess the message got a little explicit but I didn't see any of that. He's trying to figure out if he should set up a date with this girl or not. He just turned 21 earlier in the year, she's 17. All of which is OK under NY law according to my knowledge. I think some of it has to do with being immortal in someones opinion, he's asking for advice. He's also a virgin fwiw

Dating a 17 year old does not actually make you immortal just to be clear

 

[vicissitudes]

21 / 2 + 7 = 17.5

If the girl was born after February, he's G2G.

 

[GtwoK]

Loaded question: are relationships where you know you won't want to be with the person forever worth it?

I'm in a new relationship right now, we've been going out for about a month. She's a really great person, I know for sure. We had a connection from the start—the cheesy kind where you're sure you've somehow known them for years, even though we had just met online. As a result, things got really personal fast and we got to know each other extremely quickly.

We have a lot of fun together. It's enjoyable! She's also the most attractive person I've ever dated, and she shows me more affection than I've ever gotten in any relationship.

The thing is... I don't think I would want to end up with her, if you know what I mean. Like I can't see us in a 1+ year relationship or anything. She's just out of high school (I'm 21, calm down), and seems to still have this level of like... immaturity, I guess? I'm not really sure how to describe it. But she is extremely over-dramatic and everything that happens to her is the world ending. I know she's had a lot of big issues in her life with family and mental health. I won't get into specifics, obviously, but the kind of hardcore shit that threw up a metric ton of red flags (which I ignored because I saw past them to see she's a genuinely great person).

I'm enjoying the time we're having, but she seems really attached to me, which I normally enjoy (and I do here too), but something is making me a bit uneasy, maybe because I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to reciprocate on that level. She's had a bunch of shitty abusive / cheating boyfriends, which explains why she's so attached, because she says I seem like the first actual non-piece-of-shit she's dated. The thing is, I can't see myself like, introducing her to co-workers or many friends, or anything like that, and I'm not sure why.

I'm worried that I'm just enjoying the affection she gives me and all that. I feel loved by a non-relative for the first time in my life (other relationships never really had a love-like connection from the other). I mean, she's practically obsessed with me from what her tweets and tumblr posts indicate (she told me her account names, but doesn't know that I actually look at them every so often), which feels good, but makes me worried about hurting her when the time comes for us to break up eventually (which I know it will). She's also the only person I really have to talk to since all my friends have recently moved away, so that might be part of why I don't want to let go as well. But I still enjoy the fun we're having!

What should I do? Should I break up with her because there's no long-term investment? Continue doing what we're doing until I get tired of it? I don't feel like I'm wasting my time, but I DO feel like I'm more interested in finding something that would be more long-lasting and... real feeling?

EDIT / TL;DR: Afterthought that kinda might explain my thinking a bit more: While I am having fun, I feel like I can't learn a whole from her life-wise, and that she wouldn't really help me "grow" as a person, if that makes sense. On the opposite side of the spectrum I do feel like I am helping HER grow, which I enjoy doing. Maybe it doesn't make sense at all. Who knows?