How do I prove to her I have changed?
- Thread starter THEF3AR
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ehretreue.m.h
Banned
Get over it kid. It's over. You lucked up and found her, now you've fucked up and lost her and you're just going to have to deal with it. Go work out, get a new job, get a New Year's Resolution and stick to it.
And don't look back towards her. Go forward and do great things.
And don't look back towards her. Go forward and do great things.
ThisGuy
Member
You've got to play the long con op. You want her back? She has to see something of value. The good news is she's already comfortable with you to a certain degree from your past relationship.
Now here's what you need to do and it's going to work. Oh my oven beeped, I'll let you know in a few.
Now here's what you need to do and it's going to work. Oh my oven beeped, I'll let you know in a few.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
Use to know how this was like years ago, over a decade ago. It takes a lot of trust and time. Though it didn't work out, I have no idea what it's like. You have to have changed and she has to trust you. You have to show her that and work at it.
Imaginary change doesn't do it and begging is the only real thing you can do. It takes time and it might not show itself today or in a week. I don't know why I think about that time or her family. It was a very long time ago and today I even thought about her sister and how she was doing.
That's not that problematic, but today was weird like that. Her sister is a school teacher now and she's probably the most beautiful person I've seen in a very long time. You gotta just let it go and if it comes back then it was meant to be. Don't get hung up over it because you'll push more people away in the process.
Imaginary change doesn't do it and begging is the only real thing you can do. It takes time and it might not show itself today or in a week. I don't know why I think about that time or her family. It was a very long time ago and today I even thought about her sister and how she was doing.
That's not that problematic, but today was weird like that. Her sister is a school teacher now and she's probably the most beautiful person I've seen in a very long time. You gotta just let it go and if it comes back then it was meant to be. Don't get hung up over it because you'll push more people away in the process.
Nope. I've had friends that help me change so much. I've become a lot better talking to people after been thru some recently tough situations. Or that im no longer scared when im nor in control of my life and now i enjoy it so much more.
Some things might not change, but there are plenty of things that can.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I went through a very similar situation, it's over man, it's over. The worst thing you can do is still cling to what's not there anymore
Even if you really have changed, it's hard to come back from something like this. Someday, it'll be brought up again in some shape or form, whether that's an argument or whatever.
Probably best for you to start clean with someone else.
I doubt you changed all of those behaviors in 3 months.
Astral Dog
Member
And you think you changed in three months? Good luck to her
PRBoricua
Member
Did this same dance with an ex-girlfriend years and years ago. She said, all the same, things and kept me on the leash for what felt like forever, she never came back of course.
I waited nearly a year for my ex to change her mind about me before I met my current girlfriend and suddenly realized that I was being an idiot the whole time. Then I met my current girlfriend, and I couldn't be happier. Use your time with your ex-girlfriend as a life lesson, and don't make the same mistakes in the future.
Your ex-girlfriend is feeding you lines in hopes that with time, you'll move on. I highly doubt a reconciliation is in the near future. I wouldn't wait.
Your actions and time are the only things that will prove these changes.
This is quite a controlling thing to ask. There is probably nothing that can be said that will get the outcome you want. You'll need to just show it.
For the record though from what you've said it sounds like its over. Just use this as a life lesson, attempt to truly better yourself over time and try not let history repeat itself next time.
F0rneus
Tears in the rain
It's sad to say, but the one way to make her safe is to stop bothering her. You can't stop being abusive in 3 months man. Snooping on her? Being controlling? Sorry but she's right to avoid you.
Keep working on yourself. And one day, if you really, really changed, you'll meet the right girl.
Keep working on yourself. And one day, if you really, really changed, you'll meet the right girl.
Know what happened when I realized this after my ex broke up with me? I got her back for about 3 days, proving to her I had changed, same issues you seemed to have (not making her feel loved/appreciated), then she drops a bomb on me that she is interested in some other guy. Make sure her reasons aren't bullshit, because in my situation, they were.
John Kowalski
Banned
Love is not enough.
Particularly when people are taught to associate the word and idea of love with some very toxic and sick things.
Precisely this. My ex viciously ripped my heart out, and I've been spending the last year struggling to overcome the things that made that relationship difficult for me. Plenty of times I wanted her back, evil as she was, but getting away and focusing on my future was the right choice.
Troubled Bat
Member
That's a lot of stuff, I don't think that's something that can be changed so easily within 3 months. Sorry.
This would be another issue in what was going with you between her.
Kind of explains itself there.
She wants to trust you, doesn't mean that she fully trusts you. It's not going to be the same, you have to know that. She'll have something in the back of her mind no matter what, you telling her that you changed your ways is not going to help the situation. Actions speak louder than words.
Also, another important question, how long have you two been together?
thelastcrusader
Banned
Dude to prove you've changed move on. If she sees you not being obsessive with her and leaving her teddy bears and shit and just acting normal then she'll be interested in you. Doing anything at this point honestly works against you.
You're a god damn poet. What a metaphor!
Yup. This is it more often than not. Girls (and guys-I know I'm guilty of this) don't always say what they mean. Might be trying to just let you down easy.
3 years
Well honestly if that's happening out of the blue man; getting a new GF won't stop this from happening again. Seems like an issue that will transcend relationships.
If you want her back; well I wouldn't waste time saying you've changed on the date; you've already done it and she gave you the chance (she will probably be on a lookout for signs that you haven't changed). Now be yourself if it works out and you proceed! Cool! Gongrats! Don't you ever snoop on her. Learn to trust her. You wont be in the clear for a while (shes chose to be with you; shes not going to cheat on you). It may very well be a rocky ride for a while, but don't you snoop on her and don't be jealous, trust her.
Remember you have to communicate; you have to listen to what she says and she has to listen to you. You have to work and she has to work. Relationships can last forever if you guys both work for it .
Now people have ended up being together after braking up after way worse and marrying even. Has she truelly shown any real signs she still wants you (not just words; her agreeing a date is a start I guess)? The question is do you really want to be with her? Not just for the sex, but for her actual character? There are many other girls out there. Hey man! You might dump her after a few months. So think.
Hmm I remember changing in order to stop being such a wuss. It wasn't that hard; I was badass in school and loud and vocal, not scared to get into fights (got me lot of trouble). Then something happened and I stopped being vocal started becoming scared of everything, less daring. Now I'm back to being more daring more in contact with my emotions, not being scared to speak up. I've realized I got nothing to loose. I guess this was more of a self esteem issue then anything else. I didn't change for a girl; I did this for myself.
I mean this in the best way possible, but when I see things like this, I see a puppy that fumbled into a nippy part of life and is upset at the pain. But we live longer, are different than dogs and have to go through something major at some point. Everyone has had different levels of "omg no this can't happen" in their lives. This is part of what makes life. Learning emotional inteligence is a slow, hard, painful process for some people. Whether it's healthy or safe for her is another topic entirely, but this is a relatively normal response when you're not sure what to do with life anymore.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Agreed. There's no way those qualities can be dropped so easily in a 3 month time span. Leave her be OP and keep focusing on improving yourself so you won't have this same dilemma with the next girl you meet.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
And she stayed with you for three and a half years?
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
I have momentary lapses of brilliance.
Head of Vengarl
Banned
For what it's worth: If my ex showed up 3 months later and told me she'd found God and was a changed person, I'd laugh in her face.
People don't change that quickly.
People don't change that quickly.
Messofanego
Banned
Safe? What the hell, did you beat her? If this was an abusive relationship, maybe it's best you show way more change in your actions rather than sweet talking your way out after only 3 months. Like not snooping around other people's stuff or being able to trust them properly without getting jealous, which can take a while. You have to show you're an independent person who can take care of themselves and doesn't need her to complete their life, show you're not desperate and dependent. Take it slow, it's all about action.
Oh oh don't develop a persecution complex with this forum already. You don't have to prove anything to us since we can't see shit about your actions from an unbiased view. Prove it to her. Don't say you've found God, that's weird and I say that as a religious person, just say and show you've learned to trust others more and consider them as independent people who don't always need my prying. If you can't show her how you can trust better, then you've lost her and you have to be perfectly willing to cut it off and still be independent.
bonesmccoy
Banned
I don't doubt you, OP. I had a religious conversion in my mid 20s, and yea, you definitely feel different yourself, but other people won't see that for quite some time. You'll need to exercise those religious virtues A LOT before someone (much less a former SO) is going to notice.
My suggestion would be to tell her how you feel, but that you respect her, and understand that these wounds will take a while to heal. Give it a year. Put your newfound faith to work.
80s Bad Guy
Banned
She will never believe you. Even if you really have she will always have doubts.
Never be with someone who wants you to change, even if you should.
Never be with someone who wants you to change, even if you should.
...Scatter...
Banned
Ahhh yes, nothing says sorry about mistreating your ass for years like a Walgreens teddy bear.
Can you elaborate on how you have changed? What sacrifices have you made. What life altering event drove you to change. What fueled your need to distrust her? What is the source of the insecurity?
WhiskeyDiver
Member
Good thing locks can change a lot faster than that.
I truly hope she doesn't fall for this trick, you're unstable and dangerous.
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