Support NeoGAF

[Krauser Kat]

Its so hard to tell if this one girl is stringing me along. I legit thing she is stressed from work and im fine the texting dropped after the first date because i like talking in person after i meet someone.

Not having a second date on the books is making me anxious even if i have dates with 3/4 other women this week, since she is like my top pick and the other two are first time dates that i dont look as forward to as second dates.

i deleted my tinder account too. If i dont get a steady GF im taking some of the summer off. I have people i can call to fuck every once in awhile and im just burnt out. I had 170 matches on tinder since the end of February that i didnt talk.

 

[Jzero]

So I texted her and she replied to say sorry and that she hadn't been flaking but has just been super busy, she had to get an extension on a uni assignment and we'll go out as soon as she's finished.

This sounds exactly like a girl I was dating. Believe me, even if she is interested in you, you're better off finding someone that will make time for you. It's annoying as hell being someone's last priority.

So I rounded up some statistics based on my time on OKC.

Time since I've registered: 3 years
Number of women I've messaged: 1,000+ (don't have a precise estimate as I've deleted much of my inbox over the years)
Number of women who have responded: 45
Number of women who I've actually actually met up with: 25
Number of women who I've met up with more than once: 5

For me it's :
• 3 years
• Asked two girls out
• Went out with one

I'm just too picky for my own good

 

[Jokab]

This sounds exactly like a girl I was dating. Believe me, even if she is interested in you, you're better off finding someone that will make time for you. It's annoying as hell being someone's last priority.

Yeah we've all been there. Someone who truly likes you will make time for you, it's that simple. Not that you can't be busy, but not being prioritized at all sucks.

 

[Benzychenz]

Still havent got your date though have you

So...you got another excuse?

We'll see about that last bit.

This is why I love you guys.

This sounds exactly like a girl I was dating. Believe me, even if she is interested in you, you're better off finding someone that will make time for you. It's annoying as hell being someone's last priority.

Eh, her actually caring about uni is probably a good thing
If once we've actually had a few dates she still doesn't prioritise me at all that's when I'll get worried.

At the same time, I'm super low maintenance and like my alone time, so I'm really not that stressed about her being busy. As long as we actually have dates at some point

 

[Count Dookkake]

So you'll probably only have to wait another 6 months tops.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

You'd think if you met someone at a meetup.com event they'd be less likely to flake on you, buuuuttt I guess I was wrong. I'm getting screwed over here so I'm just going to delete their number at this point. Don't know if I'm making some kind of glaring error here that's causing this to happen consistently.

 

[NIGHT-]

You'd think if you met someone at a meetup.com event they'd be less likely to flake on you, buuuuttt I guess I was wrong. I'm getting screwed over here so I'm just going to delete their number at this point. Don't know if I'm making some kind of glaring error here that's causing this to happen consistently.

I'm sorry
I know how much that can have a toll on your confidence level, but don't let it try to drain you too much.

 

[vern]

This sounds exactly like a girl I was dating. Believe me, even if she is interested in you, you're better off finding someone that will make time for you. It's annoying as hell being someone's last priority.


For me it's :
• 3 years
• Asked two girls out
• Went out with one

I'm just too picky for my own good

Since we are talking stats.

On TanTan 7734 people swiped right on me. I matched 2870. Been on plenty of dates

Spoiler

Neogafs ZackieChan knows

Tinder have a couple hundred but don't really use.

I Like measuring epeen

Spoiler

Beats measuring my real peen

 

[gaiages]

So I texted her and she replied to say sorry and that she hadn't been flaking but has just been super busy, she had to get an extension on a uni assignment and we'll go out as soon as she's finished.

This is the last time I come to GAF for dating advice

Waiting for the typical follow-up post saying "GAF was right"

 

[War Peaceman]

You'd think if you met someone at a meetup.com event they'd be less likely to flake on you, buuuuttt I guess I was wrong. I'm getting screwed over here so I'm just going to delete their number at this point. Don't know if I'm making some kind of glaring error here that's causing this to happen consistently.

I don'r want to be rude but everytime I see you post it is complaining. You have a very negative air to you. That may just be a contextual thing because I happen to notice your posts in this thread or it might be quirk with your internet communication, but if that negativity translates to real life, it explains a lot. I bet it isn't your looks that cause your problems.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

This is why I love you guys.

We are kinda fuckin awesome yeah

Eh, her actually caring about uni is probably a good thing

I say this all the time in this thread. Uni students especially undergrad are not so busy they can't spare 2 hours for a date. I did engineering, I have friends in law school, med school, pHD programs that have time for fun and hang outs. Its not and never will be valid that someone is so busy with school they cant go on a date.

If once we've actually had a few dates she still doesn't prioritise me at all that's when I'll get worried.

At the same time, I'm super low maintenance and like my alone time, so I'm really not that stressed about her being busy. As long as we actually have dates at some point

If you haven't had a date by now I wouldn't be holding hope bruh. The only thing she actually told you with her message was "just wait". How long you been waiting bruh? How long you gonna ait around waiting?

 

[Benzychenz]

We are kinda fuckin awesome yeah




I say this all the time in this thread. Uni students especially undergrad are not so busy they can't spare 2 hours for a date. I did engineering, I have friends in law school, med school, pHD programs that have time for fun and hang outs. Its not and never will be valid that someone is so busy with school they cant go on a date.



If you haven't had a date by now I wouldn't be holding hope bruh. The only thing she actually told you with her message was "just wait". How long you been waiting bruh? How long you gonna ait around waiting?

Well, I mean. She had to move house, which made her fall behind on her uni assignments, so she had to get an extension, and she's now getting that assignment finished.
She's busy, it checks out.

 

[Denzar]

A girl asked me out yesterday. We went chilling in the park, really hot weather, had a few beers, talked a bit. I was also super tired and hung over. I told her in advance that there was a big chance of me being hung over. It went alright, but nothing more than that. I could tell she was really into me, giving me compliments, telling me she was glad I wanted to meet up.

She wanted a second "date" and I agreed. Now, I'm not sure I feel a click. I'm not used to dating at all, I've had problems with a toxic ex and I've been out of the game for quite some time. Should I give this another go? Was it the hangover?

Basically, if there's no immediate click on the first date, should I go on a second one or just call it quits?

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Well, I mean. She had to move house, which made her fall behind on her uni assignments, so she had to get an extension, and she's now getting that assignment finished.
She's busy, it checks out.

Like I said bruh, its not gonna be a valid excuse no matter how much you rationalize it. You might be able to put off a date because of school for a week or two but other than that you're really just getting excuses. We've all heard the story man. This aint some unique situation.

 

[jadedm17]

Well, I mean. She had to move house, which made her fall behind on her uni assignments, so she had to get an extension, and she's now getting that assignment finished.
She's busy, it checks out.

You're being given solid advice, personally I say listen to it.
"Never too busy for a two hour date" can't be stressed enough.

A girl asked me out yesterday. We went chilling in the park, really hot weather, had a few beers, talked a bit. I was also super tired and hung over. I told her in advance that there was a big chance of me being hung over. It went alright, but nothing more than that. I could tell she was really into me, giving me compliments, telling me she was glad I wanted to meet up.

She wanted a second "date" and I agreed. Now, I'm not sure I feel a click. I'm not used to dating at all, I've had problems with a toxic ex and I've been out of the game for quite some time. Should I give this another go? Was it the hangover?

Basically, if there's no immediate click on the first date, should I go on a second one or just call it quits?

What's the risk and what's the reward? That's how I look at most situations. I'll assume you have nothing to lose but a few hours and some money so I'd say go for it.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

I don'r want to be rude but everytime I see you post it is complaining. You have a very negative air to you. That may just be a contextual thing because I happen to notice your posts in this thread or it might be quirk with your internet communication, but if that negativity translates to real life, it explains a lot. I bet it isn't your looks that cause your problems.

The internet is the only place where I can truly be open about my feelings, I'm not like this IRL (I hope).

 

[GK86]

A girl asked me out yesterday. We went chilling in the park, really hot weather, had a few beers, talked a bit. I was also super tired and hung over. I told her in advance that there was a big chance of me being hung over. It went alright, but nothing more than that. I could tell she was really into me, giving me compliments, telling me she was glad I wanted to meet up.

She wanted a second "date" and I agreed. Now, I'm not sure I feel a click. I'm not used to dating at all, I've had problems with a toxic ex and I've been out of the game for quite some time. Should I give this another go? Was it the hangover?

Basically, if there's no immediate click on the first date, should I go on a second one or just call it quits?

Sometimes it takes a bit to find out if you click or not, it isn't always instantly.

Also, considering you have been out the game for a while now, I would suggest going out on a second date. The practice could never hurt.

 

[Denzar]

What's the risk and what's the reward? That's how I look at most situations. I'll assume you have nothing to lose but a few hours and some money so I'd say go for it.

Sometimes it takes a bit to find out if you click or not, it isn't always instantly.

Also, considering you have been out the game for a while now, I would suggest going out on a second date. The practice could never hurt.

You're right. I'll set up a second date. We'll see how it goes. Nothing to lose, only things to gain.

 

[NIGHT-]

A girl asked me out yesterday. We went chilling in the park, really hot weather, had a few beers, talked a bit. I was also super tired and hung over. I told her in advance that there was a big chance of me being hung over. It went alright, but nothing more than that. I could tell she was really into me, giving me compliments, telling me she was glad I wanted to meet up.

She wanted a second "date" and I agreed. Now, I'm not sure I feel a click. I'm not used to dating at all, I've had problems with a toxic ex and I've been out of the game for quite some time. Should I give this another go? Was it the hangover?

Basically, if there's no immediate click on the first date, should I go on a second one or just call it quits?

Did you find her attractive? Did your conversations flow pretty well? If both are yes, what do you have to lose?

 

[Gotdatmoney]

You're being given solid advice, personally I say listen to it.
"Never too busy for a two hour date" can't be stressed enough.

They never learn haha. We just say it in the hopes that 1/100 might

 

[Benzychenz]

Well next time I post it'll be from the bathroom of the restaurant telling you all you were wrong.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Well next time I post it'll be from the bathroom of the restaurant telling you all you were wrong.

We can only hope so.

 

[ZackieChan]

Well next time I post it'll be from the bathroom of the restaurant telling you all you were wrong.

You're also not the first to say that. It's a tale as old as time. Maybe writing her a rap song will hasten the date.

Spoiler

I love you Ray Wonder

 

[Ray Wonder]

Well next time I post it'll be from the bathroom of the restaurant telling you all you were wrong.

Fuck yeah! Go Benzy! 😍

You're also not the first to say that. It's a tale as old as time. Maybe writing her a rap song will hasten the date.

Spoiler

I love you Ray Wonder

😇

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

.

 

[GK86]

I don't think anyone should stop with the "piling on." Sometimes it can help people see that it isn't just one person saying this thing, but that multiple people agree or have the same assessment of the situation.

I know it can come off as piling on or people eager to stop down someone's throat, but I think the people that ask for help in these threads, need tough love.

 

[ZackieChan]

Yeah, and it's important to realize that it's all in the spirit of helping. I don't think anyone on here is mean or dismissive for negative reasons - it's generally after there's been multiple rejections of advice. Sure, we may all be wrong. But this isn't the first time someone's come in with this story, and it won't be the last. We've all been where Benzy is now and we're trying to spare his feelings.

Honestly, he should be moving on with other women at the same time he waits on this date. Always be talking to multiple women until you're ready to commit with one and she's ready to do the same. Waiting on one to give you a date and doing nothing else is a recipe for disaster.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Sometimes, things work out pretty well though.

 

[ZackieChan]

Sometimes, things work out pretty well though.

Did you end up with that girl? I don't think we ever got closure.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Did you end up with that girl? I don't think we ever got closure.

FWB type situation. I value our relationship more than most in my life though. She's a very genuine person that I can tell basically anything to. She has some deep scars from her recent past that are still healing, so i don't want to force her hand and being in a relationship with me. It's the corniest thing ever, but she tells me I'm Paul to her Holly Golightly 😂

BUT I don't sit around and wait for her to be ready for something with me though, so don't worry about me in that regard. I've been on dates/talked with other girls recently.

I would absolutely defy you all again for what it's worth. ❤️

 

[gaiages]

You'd think if you met someone at a meetup.com event they'd be less likely to flake on you, buuuuttt I guess I was wrong. I'm getting screwed over here so I'm just going to delete their number at this point. Don't know if I'm making some kind of glaring error here that's causing this to happen consistently.

Well... Meetup is for meeting just new people. You're not using meetup and going to groups just specifically to get a date, right? Unless it's a group that is straight up a singles group, then you're pretty much setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course, making friends with people there can lead to romantic opportunities, but I wouldn't get your hopes up.

Basically, if you're only looking for a date, just stick with online dating/going to bars. If you're looking for new friends, then Meetup is where it's at.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I think everyone should chill out a bit. Benzy needs to cut back on the "I told you so" and everyone else should stop piling on with the "she's not interested". I mean, as far as excuses go, moving and someone having a baby are pretty legitimate. But until you've had a date, nothing has happened.

Personally, I've had two instances of delayed dates because the girl was sick. The first ghosted on me. The second met my parents over the weekend.

If a bunch of people individually giving you advice is piling on I see no point in this thread. We suppose to say only warm gushy shit? There is no value in that.

 

[Ray Wonder]

If a bunch of people individually giving you advice is piling on I see no point in this thread. We suppose to say only warm gushy shit? There is no value in that.

You're right about this. Give the advice that you think is right. I can support that.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Well next time I post it'll be from the bathroom of the restaurant telling you all you were wrong.

Bookmarked.

 

[bluethree]

Since we are talking stats.

On TanTan 7734 people swiped right on me. I matched 2870. Been on plenty of dates

Spoiler

Neogafs ZackieChan knows

Tinder have a couple hundred but don't really use.

I Like measuring epeen

Spoiler

Beats measuring my real peen

I don't get shit on TanTan, wtf. I would say it's because of my lack of Chinese skills but there were posts about how some guy was cleaning it up in Vancouver or somewhere like that.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

.

 

[Oxn]

Well next time I post it'll be from the bathroom of the restaurant telling you all you were wrong.

Is next time in 3 weeks when she will finally agree to meet you for an hour?

 

[bluethree]

Is next time in 3 weeks when she will finally agree to meet you for an hour?

only for an hour because she'll make an excuse to leave early and pull the same shit again for another 3 weeks

 

[Gotdatmoney]

There's no value in parroting what everyone else has said.

At what point does it stop being advice and it starts to become parrotting?

If someone needs to read "you're being dumb" from 50 individual people before it clicks "yo maybe I am" then so be it. When someone reaches a milestone here we aren't like "well 3 people said congrats, no need to parrot" then why exactly is this an argument?

We are individuals, we should say what we think. If the poster doesnt like it they are free to disregard the advice. This place is pretty sarcastic and jokes a lot but nothing is ever outright mean.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

Well... Meetup is for meeting just new people. You're not using meetup and going to groups just specifically to get a date, right? Unless it's a group that is straight up a singles group, then you're pretty much setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course, making friends with people there can lead to romantic opportunities, but I wouldn't get your hopes up.

Basically, if you're only looking for a date, just stick with online dating/going to bars. If you're looking for new friends, then Meetup is where it's at.

I didn't really care if I ended up dating her or not. I guess my intentions were misunderstood?

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

What's acceptable age gap? I'm 23 and she's 19... Most promising girl I've been chatting to in months, but feels a little weird.

 

[bluethree]

What's acceptable age gap? I'm 23 and she's 19... Most promising girl I've been chatting to in months, but feels a little weird.

That's really not much in terms of years. 23 and 19 year olds tend to be in pretty different parts of their lives though, the year gap can be small but the maturity gap on the other hand...

(I don't care about age gaps much anymore - I'm in my early 30s - but I tend to be more successful with women my own age).

 

[Jzero]

What's acceptable age gap? I'm 23 and she's 19... Most promising girl I've been chatting to in months, but feels a little weird.

In my experience 19-23 year olds can still be pretty immature. It's a shame because they're usually the most physically attractive to me.

 

[Kurtofan]

I think a girl is interested in me... I met just once before, this time she kind of followed me to talk, we exchanged numbers... would it be too brazen to send her a text to ask her out? What kind of place is ideal for a first date? preferably somewhere quiet. should I just ask her what she likes?

 

[stn]

There's absolutely no reason to turn this into a I Told You So argument. People come here asking for advice, they should be able to deal with whatever they are told. Also, the ones giving advice are usually speaking from experience. When you boil it down, relationships are not that complex. Your shit doesn't smell that different than anyone else's. Most of us have been in each other's shoes to some degree.

In this case, I hope I'm wrong and Benzychenz goes on many more dates with this girl. Hell, the only reason I even post here so often is because I've been through some rough patches before and don't want others to fall into the same traps.

I think a girl is interested in me... I met just once before, this time she kind of followed me to talk, we exchanged numbers... would it be too brazen to send her a text to ask her out? What kind of place is ideal for a first date? preferably somewhere quiet. should I just ask her what she likes?

Its not too brazen at all; in fact, its the right thing to do. Don't ask her what she likes, just take her for coffee. A girl that's into you won't really care where you take her.

 

[vern]

I don't get shit on TanTan, wtf. I would say it's because of my lack of Chinese skills but there were posts about how some guy was cleaning it up in Vancouver or somewhere like that.

It helps I'm primarily in China. But yeah I met a girl in Vancouver and some in California from tantan as well. Thailand and Malaysia too. It works pretty much everywhere there are Chinese people. Which is everywhere these days.

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

ok so I guess this is my first go at this, kinda long I guess, sorry!

I recently met up with an old high school friend. We actually saw each other near the town where we went to high school, me and my best friend were getting dinner and drinks and she was the hostess. It was busy so we didn't really get a chance to talk, but we went back later in the night and she came by and we talked for like a good 10 minutes and stuff.

I texted her like a week later to see if she wanted to get a coffee or something to catch up, and she said yea. Initial plan was sometime afternoon before her shift started, but some there was a family thing and I asked if she wanted to get drinks after work or a later date to just hit me up. I was kinda basically expecting her to just bail and I just gave her an out so it wasn't awkward, but she actually said she wanted to get drinks after her shift.

In high school we were just friends, she had a boy friend and I was... well really fat. I've lost a good amount of weight, still have a little chub (you can find pics on an old faceGAF thread), but... well I have a single chin now and fit in large's instead of double XL.

Anyways, we basically just talked and caught up for the few years we lost contact. Lots of laughing and stuff, tons of different topics, we talked about how fucked up we are and how horrible school is going, she mentioned she broke up with her HS boyfriend like a year ago and has been dating a bunch of people on and off, who all mostly turn out to just be idiots and dicks, and how she is single now (little over a month).

Bar ended up closing around 12 ish, so we were there for like a good 2 hours and had a few beers. We ended up going to another bar to just continue talking and stuff, had another beer before they closed up around 1 in the morning when we decided it was just time to go home. Didn't kiss her, we just hugged when we got to her car.

So I know you guys probably going, "well why the fuck are you posting here for that sounds like everything went fucking great". Yea, it was a fun night, but I mean I can't tell if she's like actually interested at all. I've never been good with signals. There was a little physical contact, but it wasn't romantic from what I could tell, it was literally me just checking out her arm because she was complaining of a small bug bight and checking her hand because it had a giant black mark which looked like a mole, but turned out to be just a marker mark.

At the other bar we were closer together, side by side on the bench talking, but there was nothing really physical at all. Lots of eye contact, but that's because we were, you know, talking to each other.

We're going out again sometime this week, but I don't know how or if I should try and make a move. We hit it off so good, it was just like we never stopped talking and hanging out, it was almost too similar that I feel like she's not interested. I wasn't even calling this thing a date, I'm still not, even though my friend was like "why are you so reluctant to say this is a date, you're getting drinks at night stupid"

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

First off, I'm sure you hear this enough, but good job on losing weight...that's super awesome!

Secondly, and this is going to sound lame but..don't go in planning and getting in your own head like you need to make it move. You'll spend so much time worrying about making a move that you won't take everything in and just have fun. If the moment presents itself where you are picking up on a lot of signs throughout the night (light touching, her playing with her hair, laughing and smiling a lot) then sure go for it at an opportune time.

I'm sure people here can help out more than I can, but that's how I usually approach things. Try not to worry and get in my own head and let things play out naturally. Hell one of the girls I'm seeing now I didn't do anything until the second date...I wouldn't worry too much, just have a good time and everything else will come naturally!

 

[Adam_Roman]

Okay, I have never been in a situation like this before. I've been using Tinder and have had more success lately than ever before. There are currently four different girls I'm talking to that are all interested in going on dates in the future. Would you say it's morally wrong to date more than one girl at once, as long as it's in the early stages and not close to becoming a relationship? I want to explore my options, but I don't want to lead anyone on.

 

[j0hnnix]

Okay, I have never been in a situation like this before. I've been using Tinder and have had more success lately than ever before. There are currently four different girls I'm talking to that are all interested in going on dates in the future. Would you say it's morally wrong to date more than one girl at once, as long as it's in the early stages and not close to becoming a relationship? I want to explore my options, but I don't want to lead anyone on.

It's fine to date them all.. Until you can make a decision, of course weed out the ones that don't suit you. I am sure they are seeing/talking to others as well.