Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Went on a date from OKCupid at a Pho Restaurant (first time trying that). Just wanted to say it went well. Feels good to post/want to post about something positive.
 
So I've been slowing changing my profile ( https://m.okcupid.com/profile/tylerldr?cf=home_orbits ), so I'm not just average...it isn't fully there, but it's getting a bit better

I've been trying to message 2 girls a day, but I am like 1 for 9 in responses so far. It seems like I had way better luck a year ago when I just gave normal messages, instead of trying to stand out...last year I was 2/4 before I found someone

I'm not sure if my messages are terrible, or they are ok and when they vist it my profile, if that's the problem

I'll give you guys like 5 examples

1. Girl: mentions she plays ssbwu and says about it "chances are I'm way better than you"

So I say "you may be able to beat me at super smash bros Wii u, but you will never (at least not consistanly) beat me at the Melee and 64 versions"

2. Girl doesn't have a lot in her profile, besides Netflix, music, and dance, so I had to go to her pictures to get creative...I found a picture of her standing next to a hotel that's say "Motor Hotel. Welcome. Free TV"

I message her "are you trying to say you have free tv at your place with that 2nd picture, bc I am totally down for some free tv"

3. Everything I mention in my message was in her profile (I went a little more normal this time)...she also said "ask about my life, mention something that caught your eye, please give me hope that this site isn't a waste of time

So I message "Hi, I am Tyler

I too like getting into mischief...basically going out on adventures. I stayed in too much when I was younger. Staying in is always a nice change of pace too

I do like Seinfeld (seems most of the episodes a couple of times. Lover Dexter (2nd Fav tv show ever)

Would you be interested in going out in the future?"

4. This girl was bigger girl and mentions in her okcupid name that she has a nice butt...so she is that kind of girl. Mentions in her profile she thinks she is hot, funny, likes dogs.sex.and cuddling. Couldn't find anything in the profile to go with, so I noticed in 4 out the 9 pictures that she is wearing yoga pants and just trying to show her ass off, so I go with that...

I message..."I see have a good collection of yoga pants

I'll take those and your jokes...I can dish back out. Puns and memes are my game.

I am also a district champ cuddlier...ill take you down ;)"

5. This girl didn't have a whole lot in her profile to go off of. A lot of it was gerbil stuff like she been through a lot and just a lot of othe basic stuff, so I go to the pictures and notice she is wearing a Ravens jersey while living in the state of Washington, so I go with that...she also mentions she wants to go skydiving and that she doesn't like talking tools and likes cuddling, so I try to use a little humor...eh

I message "A Ravens fan in Seahawk parts?

I'm sorry to inform you, but I am a tool...a socket wrench. I can wear all different types of hats. One to go out on fun adventure, or one to stay home and watch movies with.

Want to go skydiving eh?

That's on my bucket list too. Do you like scary rides? Like roller coasters and what not. My goal this summer is to at least go to 3 county fairs, just for the rides. Had much fun at last years"

6. This girl mentions batman 4 different times in her profile. Like watching batman animated series, watching batman movies, reading more batman comics, and thinking about batman a lot, so I found a picture of her with a a blue sparkly old school like batman mask (that that just covers around the eyes and and part of nose)...

I message..."Batman would not approve of the blue sparkly mask

A black sparkly one would be more appropriate"

So 1, 3, 4, 5, and 6 at least go to look at my profile, but no reponses. 2 didn't even look at my profile

Still waiting to see what happens from 4 others

Alright gaf, have at it

Am I trying too hard, or do I just suck?
 
What part of COMMUNICATION is hard to understand for some people? This girl I've been seeing got all pissy with me today and I have no idea why. Last night we talked on the phone and it was fun. Lots of laughing and just having a good time. Tonight I could tell right from the start that something was up because she sounded upset so I ask her and of course I get "nothing I'm fine. This is how I was last night. There's no difference." Wtf? For a second I thought she genuinely thought this was true and was crazy or something. So for the rest of the conversation I was basically doing all the talking. She just gave short responses every now and then except for when I again asked if something had happened to make her upset where she would start being more vocal and angry. Then she said she had to go to bed and said bye and we hung up. Then she texts me saying she hates me so much sometimes. WHAT? I looked at our texts today to see if there was something I said but there was nothing. I asked her if I did anything wrong and she gives me a sarcastic "no, you never do anything wrong." I'm not even mad. I'm just really fucking confused. Is she insane? I really don't fucking even. What a brat. Sorry, I needed to vent.
 
Our conversations through text were pretty ordinary. The only thing I can think of is that maybe I called her too late I guess. My biggest issue is the fact that she doesn't fucking say something is wrong until like an hour later. What is even the point of that? She wants me to know exactly what she's thinking and it just doesn't work that way. I've had that problem before. Something has to be up with me if I keep attracting these girls.
 
So I'm feeling a little pressured by my girlfriend and I'm not sure how to proceed with her. She is Indian (but born in Colorado), and lives with her parents. She's never been married but was engaged, did not live with her BF/Fiancée and prior to the wedding he backed out and the relationship ended. We are in our mid-30s.

We have been dating for 7 months and I have asked her a few times to move in with me. She feels that she should be engaged prior to living with her partner. She has been pressuring me to get engaged recently, and I've told her to back off. She has talked to no end about wedding receptions, locations, rings, etc. Her brother is engaged and is getting married this November. I think she is somewhat jealous and wants what he has, in terms of his relationship. While she lives with her family, they often treat her poorly and with disdain.

Recently, her latest push has been to purchase a home with me. We have gone to look at a few houses and there is a house she wants to put a down payment on. It's partially built at this time, and will complete it's build in November. Her plan is to put an offer with us going 50/50 on the down payment and wants to be engaged before the house is built so we can move in together.

I'm feeling very pressured by these moves. I offered a compromise, that we live together, she move into my house now and we can move forward with the home buying. That way we can process the change gradually. She seems to want to buy a home, get engaged and then plan her wedding at the same time. What say you GAF?
 
Solideliquid said:
So I'm feeling a little pressured by my girlfriend and I'm not sure how to proceed with her. She is Indian (but born in Colorado), and lives with her parents. She's never been married but was engaged, did not live with her BF/Fiancée and prior to the wedding he backed out and the relationship ended. We are in our mid-30s.

We have been dating for 7 months and I have asked her a few times to move in with me. She feels that she should be engaged prior to living with her partner. She has been pressuring me to get engaged recently, and I've told her to back off. She has talked to no end about wedding receptions, locations, rings, etc. Her brother is engaged and is getting married this November. I think she is somewhat jealous and wants what he has, in terms of his relationship. While she lives with her family, they often treat her poorly and with disdain.

Recently, her latest push has been to purchase a home with me. We have gone to look at a few houses and there is a house she wants to put a down payment on. It's partially built at this time, and will complete it's build in November. Her plan is to put an offer with us going 50/50 on the down payment and wants to be engaged before the house is built so we can move in together.

I'm feeling very pressured by these moves. I offered a compromise, that we live together, she move into my house now and we can move forward with the home buying. That way we can process the change gradually. She seems to want to buy a home, get engaged and then plan her wedding at the same time. What say you GAF?
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All of that is way too fast. Even just living together after seven months is a lot (and quick). I believe she is rushing it since she is in her mid-30's and doesn't want to miss her boat.

You should sit down and talk to her about feeling pressured by these moves.
 
Astral said:
Our conversations through text were pretty ordinary. The only thing I can think of is that maybe I called her too late I guess. My biggest issue is the fact that she doesn't fucking say something is wrong until like an hour later. What is even the point of that? She wants me to know exactly what she's thinking and it just doesn't work that way. I've had that problem before. Something has to be up with me if I keep attracting these girls.
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I've dated girls like that before. Love it or leave it, man. Does this happen a lot?

jasminlovesyoux said:
To soon bro
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Yeah, what the hell? You do you, but that seems like taking it way too far.
 
Oblivion said:
Yeah, I always felt I was too stiff. Will try to get a better picture sometime soon.

Did nobody see any differences between the two pics?



Maybe he meant RSVP?
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I saw the difference but I did not want to say anything in case you actually had that under your eyes. lol did not want to offend.


Anyways,

So I did some research. I signed up for match and looked at girls in two areas.
The first one was were I used to live.

A small rural town in Tennessee.
Next one was an urban college town. (Not saying state due to having suspicions my real life friends know I'm on Neogaf lol)

Many girls in the the rural town preferred white/christian males.
Many girls in my college area had no preference.

I'm not surprised.
 
I was talking to a female friend (side note: what is the correct term here? I'm refering to a friend that is a girl, but saying girl friend is too similar to girlfriend and female friend just sounds weird) and I told her that after 4,5 months of dating I have met my GFs parents, her sister many times (they live together), and my parents know about her and will probably meet soon. She told me "and you're that guy that always moves so slow, you're really fast this time". I'm confused, is this "moving fast"? It seems perfectly normal to me, even a bit slow honestly. Of course I realize every situation is different and it all depends on a lot of different factors, but generally this doesn't seem fast at all. What do you all think?
 
Thinking of taking out a $20,000 loan to buy a girl a house, who I've known for 3 days and just talked online with, whose dad is a total asshole who yells at me when I greet him the wrong way.

Or maybe I'll just hit the gym
and squat 55lbs
 
ZackieChan said:
Thinking of taking out a $20,000 loan to buy a girl a house, who I've known for 3 days and just talked online with, whose dad is a total asshole who yells at me when I greet him the wrong way.

Or maybe I'll just hit the gym
and squat 55lbs
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Either way you'll blow out your sphincter right? Might as well go the direct route...
 
@Tdog

No one else responded to you so I figured I'd check things out. I'll start with your profile first and then get to the messages.

There were a couple of bad things in your profile that stood out to me. First off your things I'm really good at section. Don't list something like "being me" or being yourself or anything in that regard. No one knows who you are or how you act or anything about you besides what is in your profile so if you put something like that in it it tells people nothing about you. I also don't like the whole giving people heart attacks thing, but I realize that you were trying for some humor there. It just fell flat for me.

Your favorite books/movies/food section could also do without the part about how you used to be into video games. There's no real reason to have that there and it honestly makes it seem like you are reluctant to mention video games so it's probably better to just take that out.

No one cares what you've done in the past year when they look at your profile. Save stuff like that for an actual date. However you can probably leave that in your profile because it isn't really a bad thing, just not important. I would take out the side note about ice skating "wanna fight about it?" because it just feels like you're defending the fact that you went ice skating when there's no reason to do such a thing. If someone wants to judge you for that then you don't want to date them anyway.

While your profile could use some refining, it isn't horrible or anything. Obviously if girls messaged you then some at least had a bit of interest until you responded, which seems to be where the brunt of your issues arise. That's what I'll address now, message by message.

1. If someone mentions something that they may be better at than you, respond by telling them to prove it. It's an easy way to set up something to do together in the future. Don't respond by telling them how they'll never beat you at something else because that makes it seem like you're full of yourself. I wouldn't respond back if someone responded that way to me either.

2. If someone doesn't have a lot to go off of in their profiles, pictures are a good way to find something to message about. However, that message was just bad and made it seem like you thought she lived in a hotel and that you only cared about getting into her place. If that's all you actually want, that's fine, but it's going to take more work than that most of the time to do so.

3. The bulk of this message isn't that bad, but don't ask someone out in the first message. Most people aren't going to respond to a message that asks them out right away, especially women because it happens to them so often. Try to ask open ended questions that they actually have to think about instead of a yes or no.

4. This message just made me cringe honestly. Are you saying that you'll take her yoga pants from her? If you were trying to imply that you would take them off of her then that was a horrible way to do it. Saying that you're a district champ cuddlier is also just kind of lame whether she likes cuddling or not. I can see that you were probably trying to be cute but it just didn't work at all.

5. This isn't really that bad of a message besides the part where you call yourself a tool. She mentioned that she doesn't like talking about them yet you bring it up anyway as a way to try to describe yourself which didn't work at all. You probably could have just ended that message with asking about the Ravens fan in Seahawk territory part and I imagine she would have responded and explained how she ended up that way.

6. Besides the fact that old batman comics and cartoons had him wearing blue masks, this message just doesn't give her anything to go off of. There's nothing there to really respond to.


Most of the messages you shared are just statements about their profiles and not conversation starters. You did a decent job of finding something to message about, but you didn't do a good job of giving them something to respond to. Ask open ended questions instead of things that they can respond with a yes or no to. Your attempts at humor also fall pretty flat, but that could just be me.

Overall I think you are doing a decent job of finding things to message about but your actual messages don't do a good job of giving someone something to respond to. If you change a few things around I think you'll be fine. Just don't get discouraged when people don't respond right away. Remember that girls get a ton of messages and they aren't going to respond to every single one.
 
GK86 said:
All of that is way too fast. Even just living together after seven months is a lot (and quick). I believe she is rushing it since she is in her mid-30's and doesn't want to miss her boat.

You should sit down and talk to her about feeling pressured by these moves.
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I don't think living together after 7 months is too quick necessarily (my bf started staying at mine almost every night after like 3 months and moved in properly after 7) but feeling pressurised to do it won't be good for the relationship. Definitely tell her how you feel.
 
If I were to ask a girl from class out via facebook, considering we havent had prior interaction at all, on a scale of 1-10 how creep would I be?
 
Solideliquid said:
So I'm feeling a little pressured by my girlfriend and I'm not sure how to proceed with her. She is Indian (but born in Colorado), and lives with her parents. She's never been married but was engaged, did not live with her BF/Fiancée and prior to the wedding he backed out and the relationship ended. We are in our mid-30s.

We have been dating for 7 months and I have asked her a few times to move in with me. She feels that she should be engaged prior to living with her partner. She has been pressuring me to get engaged recently, and I've told her to back off. She has talked to no end about wedding receptions, locations, rings, etc. Her brother is engaged and is getting married this November. I think she is somewhat jealous and wants what he has, in terms of his relationship. While she lives with her family, they often treat her poorly and with disdain.

Recently, her latest push has been to purchase a home with me. We have gone to look at a few houses and there is a house she wants to put a down payment on. It's partially built at this time, and will complete it's build in November. Her plan is to put an offer with us going 50/50 on the down payment and wants to be engaged before the house is built so we can move in together.

I'm feeling very pressured by these moves. I offered a compromise, that we live together, she move into my house now and we can move forward with the home buying. That way we can process the change gradually. She seems to want to buy a home, get engaged and then plan her wedding at the same time. What say you GAF?
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I say that If you need to ask is because you are doubtful as fuck, which is the biggest sign for a no-no.
 
Jokab said:
Yeah I guess it's not relevant. I still don't know the answer though. :P
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I don't think it's a big deal. I'd say female friend, because you want to make clear the answer is coming from a female perspective that could be relevant. Girlfriend and lady friend both connote romance, though.
 
Solideliquid said:
I'm feeling very pressured by these moves. I offered a compromise, that we live together, she move into my house now and we can move forward with the home buying. That way we can process the change gradually. She seems to want to buy a home, get engaged and then plan her wedding at the same time. What say you GAF?
Click to expand...

What doubts do you still have about your girlfriend? Does she want kids? Do you? Keep in mind that it's tougher for a woman to have kids after 35. There are higher risks of complications, miscarriages, etc. So if she wants kids, it's understandable that she wants to move on that sooner than later.

You could do something like you'll get engaged on your anniversary and then plan the wedding. If things go south (hopefully not), you could always break off the engagement. It's not like you're locked in with no recourse.
 
JambiBum said:
@Tdog

No one else responded to you so I figured I'd check things out. I'll start with your profile first and then get to the messages.

There were a couple of bad things in your profile that stood out to me. First off your things I'm really good at section. Don't list something like "being me" or being yourself or anything in that regard. No one knows who you are or how you act or anything about you besides what is in your profile so if you put something like that in it it tells people nothing about you. I also don't like the whole giving people heart attacks thing, but I realize that you were trying for some humor there. It just fell flat for me.

Your favorite books/movies/food section could also do without the part about how you used to be into video games. There's no real reason to have that there and it honestly makes it seem like you are reluctant to mention video games so it's probably better to just take that out.

No one cares what you've done in the past year when they look at your profile. Save stuff like that for an actual date. However you can probably leave that in your profile because it isn't really a bad thing, just not important. I would take out the side note about ice skating "wanna fight about it?" because it just feels like you're defending the fact that you went ice skating when there's no reason to do such a thing. If someone wants to judge you for that then you don't want to date them anyway.

While your profile could use some refining, it isn't horrible or anything. Obviously if girls messaged you then some at least had a bit of interest until you responded, which seems to be where the brunt of your issues arise. That's what I'll address now, message by message.

1. If someone mentions something that they may be better at than you, respond by telling them to prove it. It's an easy way to set up something to do together in the future. Don't respond by telling them how they'll never beat you at something else because that makes it seem like you're full of yourself. I wouldn't respond back if someone responded that way to me either.

2. If someone doesn't have a lot to go off of in their profiles, pictures are a good way to find something to message about. However, that message was just bad and made it seem like you thought she lived in a hotel and that you only cared about getting into her place. If that's all you actually want, that's fine, but it's going to take more work than that most of the time to do so.

3. The bulk of this message isn't that bad, but don't ask someone out in the first message. Most people aren't going to respond to a message that asks them out right away, especially women because it happens to them so often. Try to ask open ended questions that they actually have to think about instead of a yes or no.

4. This message just made me cringe honestly. Are you saying that you'll take her yoga pants from her? If you were trying to imply that you would take them off of her then that was a horrible way to do it. Saying that you're a district champ cuddlier is also just kind of lame whether she likes cuddling or not. I can see that you were probably trying to be cute but it just didn't work at all.

5. This isn't really that bad of a message besides the part where you call yourself a tool. She mentioned that she doesn't like talking about them yet you bring it up anyway as a way to try to describe yourself which didn't work at all. You probably could have just ended that message with asking about the Ravens fan in Seahawk territory part and I imagine she would have responded and explained how she ended up that way.

6. Besides the fact that old batman comics and cartoons had him wearing blue masks, this message just doesn't give her anything to go off of. There's nothing there to really respond to.


Most of the messages you shared are just statements about their profiles and not conversation starters. You did a decent job of finding something to message about, but you didn't do a good job of giving them something to respond to. Ask open ended questions instead of things that they can respond with a yes or no to. Your attempts at humor also fall pretty flat, but that could just be me.

Overall I think you are doing a decent job of finding things to message about but your actual messages don't do a good job of giving someone something to respond to. If you change a few things around I think you'll be fine. Just don't get discouraged when people don't respond right away. Remember that girls get a ton of messages and they aren't going to respond to every single one.
Click to expand...


Yeah I'm just finding it hard to put interesting/ eye catching stuff about me

With the video game stuff...I'm trying to say video games, but they don't dominate my free time. Trying to appeal to both the gamer and non gamer there, so I'm disqualified by either party. I feel like any one thing I mention, could disqualify me from get responded to, bc if I feel like I mention video games, someone who doesn't know, may just assume that's what I do with 80% of my free time

Eh...I think I was told by someone in here to mention what I do when I go on adventure, instead of being vague, so that's why I did that. The "wanna fight about it" was a reference to family guy (since it was in there profile) for humor sakes.

That's the problem, they aren't messaging me back. I'm not expecting half to message me back, but maybe like 1/3 or so. I don't want a low percentage like 10 percent


1. Alright that's good. Again I was going for humor there, but I can see where it might not of resonated...duely noted

2. There goes my bad humor again...I didn't think it anyone would seriously think I thought she lived in a hotel room....this is the stuff I'm kind of reduced to when there isn't much and it's either that or the genetic message. It wasn't great, I'll admit that

3. Yeah the asking out was too soon...was just changing it up to try something different...duely noted

4. Yeah it made me cringe too, but I wasn't sure where to go or how to inject good humor. Found it humorous that half of her pics had her wearing yoga pants, she was def loose if you know what I mean. Was bad humor again. Was saying I'll take the idea of her wearing yoga pants, but it didn't come through. Yeah I'm falling flat a lot of the time

I'm almost wondering if I'm trying to too hard at the humor and if it's just better to rely on very light humor or just mostly a genetic message

5. I actually did get message from her, but it was 5 hours later after she read it and we have been having decent convos since

6. Yeah, I was more hoping for a "haha yeah your right, or blue is the only thing I could find at the time" it was suppose to be more of an ice breaker, and then start a nice convo

I admit the humor is not great...probably below avg, so more to respond to. Got it

i really appreciate everyone's feedback, even if I disagree with some of it, better to see another perspective on it, than just me shooting in the dark

https://youtu.be/getHgCC6eAE
This is the humor I'm trying use (start at the 2:15 mark), bc I liked the video and it made sense to me , so this is what I've kinda been basing my messages on
 
Dealing with a "first world problem" here.

There's this girl I've been chatting (and snapping) up for 2 weeks now. She's seen me IRL and found me attractive, but I haven't seen her yet. I've tried to score a get-together, twice. First time she already had a "date" with her mom. This saturday I asked to see her again. She told me she was in town. I follow up an hour later by asking if she was still awake. No reply. The day after she told me she had to bring a drunk friend home. Haven't replied since. Not planning on asking her again.

Then on the other hand, I had a date 2 weeks ago. It went ok. Zero spark, asked dating-GAF for advice and set up a second date. She asked for a follow up. Now... It's this saturday but I really don't feel like going on that date. I want to go out and drink with my friends. It's not okay to cancl a date you've already agreed topo, right? Well, I wouldn't appreciate that anyway.
 
If you have no interest in the other woman, why are you stringing her along? Would you like the same done to you? Treat others how you'd want them to treat you, etc...

Just be honest man. Let her find someone who does like her.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Friend? Why do you have to qualify if it's a male or female friend?

And no, that's not slow or fast. Seems fine.
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Most words in spanish can be said in male and female form, you can't really say them without impliying a gender. It is either amigo or amiga for example( male friend or female friend) I don't really know if this is the case for other lenguages but it isn't intuitive to say just friend in english if your native leguaje works like this.
 
Denzar said:
It's not okay to cancl a date you've already agreed topo, right? Well, I wouldn't appreciate that anyway.
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It's better than wasting her time getting prepared for the date unless you're absolutely willing to give it another genuine shot. But if you're really not feeling it, just cancel it.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
If you have no interest in the other woman, why are you stringing her along? Would you like the same done to you? Treat others how you'd want them to treat you, etc...

Just be honest man. Let her find someone who does like her.
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Not stringing her along. I genuinely like her, but there was no spark on the first date. I want to give it a another chance since those things rarely happen instantly.

EDIT: Or at least, that was my genuine intention like, 2 days ago. As the date get's closer, I just want to do something else that night. It's in a different town, we're going to watch a band we both like and we can't stay the night there. I'll most likely just return to my home town after the show. That way I'll have givien it another shot. And I'm always honest.

EDIT 2: At the very least, I want to be friends.
 
Denzar said:
Not stringing her along. I genuinely like her, but there was no spark on the first date. I want to give it a another chance since those things rarely happen instantly.

EDIT: Or at least, that was my genuine intention like, 2 days ago. As the date get's closer, I just want to do something else that night. It's in a different town, we're going to watch a band we both like and we can't stay the night there. I'll most likely just return to my home town after the show. That way I'll have givien it another shot. And I'm always honest.

EDIT 2: At the very least, I want to be friends.
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Damn son, you want to friendzone that girl?
 
n64coder said:
What doubts do you still have about your girlfriend? Does she want kids? Do you? Keep in mind that it's tougher for a woman to have kids after 35. There are higher risks of complications, miscarriages, etc. So if she wants kids, it's understandable that she wants to move on that sooner than later.

You could do something like you'll get engaged on your anniversary and then plan the wedding. If things go south (hopefully not), you could always break off the engagement. It's not like you're locked in with no recourse.
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I do not want to have children, she is on the fence. Though sometimes I think she is reluctant to fully commit to having kids because she knows my thoughts on the matter.
 
Denzar said:
Not stringing her along. I genuinely like her, but there was no spark on the first date. I want to give it a another chance since those things rarely happen instantly.

EDIT: Or at least, that was my genuine intention like, 2 days ago. As the date get's closer, I just want to do something else that night. It's in a different town, we're going to watch a band we both like and we can't stay the night there. I'll most likely just return to my home town after the show. That way I'll have givien it another shot. And I'm always honest.

EDIT 2: At the very least, I want to be friends.
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Hmm, okay.

Just call her and tell her it's not going to work out then. You don't want to go, you don't want to give it a second chance from the sounds of it, go with your gut. You didn't feel 'it' on the first date, seems likely you won't feel 'it' on the second either.
 
I mean, you did kind of give her that idea that things were serious when you asked her to move in after only dating 7 months. IMO that's way too soon and definitely a bit strong.
 
Banjo-Kazooie said:
I mean, you did kind of give her that idea that things were serious when you asked her to move in after only dating 7 months. IMO that's way too soon and definitely a bit strong.
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Can't ignore the South East Asian aspect. There's an expectation for women to get married before they hit a certain age and seen as expired/worthless.
 
Tdog987 said:
Yeah I'm just finding it hard to put interesting/ eye catching stuff about me

With the video game stuff...I'm trying to say video games, but they don't dominate my free time. Trying to appeal to both the gamer and non gamer there, so I'm disqualified by either party. I feel like any one thing I mention, could disqualify me from get responded to, bc if I feel like I mention video games, someone who doesn't know, may just assume that's what I do with 80% of my free time
Click to expand...

Come up with a subtle line about video games, rather than directly talking about them. For example, in my profile, I mention something along the lines of "being an experienced Mario Kart player" within a string of other silly things I'm good at. That's pretty much the only instance I mention anything related to video games, but it's a game that most people, whether they enjoy video games or not, will recognize and respond to if they choose to.

Try not to overthink being "disqualified" based on interests. I get that you want to cast a wide net, but would you really want to date someone who is going to negatively judge you for playing video games - a hobby you enjoy? Being true to yourself and your interests is going to help you weed out the people who aren't right for you. Something to keep in mind. You want to put your best self forward as much as possible - but don't compromise who you are to fit someone else's preferences.

Other than that, although it needs some more work, it's already improved from the first itineration. Take Jambi's advice and you'll be in even better shape!
 
I did the same copy+paste message on Match.com and spammed it out to every girl that popped up on my search/match that fit 3 or 4 things.

Height/Weight
Attractive
Kids

And my copy+paste spam message was basically something like..
"Hi, I noticed your profile and thought you were cute. I'm really new at this and hope I dont come off creepy or embarrass myself but Id really like to chat with you and learn more about you. Thanks for your time, hopefully you respond so we can see what happens.

Name
"

Short, simple, not specific..just "Hey your cute, wanna chat?"
99% of them always respond "omg, Im new at this too! Never thought Id be using online dating etc..."
Then just shoot the shit like you met someone and your chatting not trying to date or fuck them asap.

They fit that category then I sent it out. I spammed it, cast a wide net. I never read profiles or fit my message to them. If they responded to my intial message I would just "talk". I wouldnt fit my discussion around what I knew, I just acted were like strangers who met. Theyre profile could say "Im a teacher" and after a few back and forth messages I'd ask like "What do you do for a living" If they questioned about reading thier profile Id be honest and say I didnt like reading them and I based my initial message like I would if I saw them out and about, by attraction.
I mean, thats what it really comes down too? You could have a distaste for red heads but be 100% matched so why would you waste a contact if she didnt "do it for you?"

My own profile was barebones. All it basically said was "Looking for someone to hang out with and see if it can grow into something serious"

If I saw a girl I WANTED..I would tailor my profile real fast to her wants "Oh she likes social drinker? Guess I'm a social drinker now" "Oh she likes Cooking, what do you know so do I!"

Spend the few bucks to have Match bump you to the top of the search list at peak hours!
Women getting off of work, 4-6pm..women sitting at home alone on a Wed night 8-10pm, drunk back from the club 2am-4am etc..
I also paid to have myself made a match for 2 girls and then shifted my profile around to fit what they wanted.
"OMG its like we are meant to be! You like all the same things!"

Everything goes out the window when you meet.
Only real deciding factor is if you think each other are attractive in the end.
Milk the system to get them chatting is all I did.

I could be absolutely wrong, I went on a TON of dates (3-5 a month) and have some wacky sex stories in the span of a year (and blew waaaaay to much money)..plus the only two I decided to "date" were and are crazy...
 
fuuuuck.

The drawing girl just started seeing someone this week when i asked her on a date. I need to find a way to meet more new people in real life. Its so much more fun to meet that way.

i am finally going to take a break from dating though. I have one person im still kind of talking too and 2 more that i might see but they are busy for awhile. I have been busting my ass for almost 6 months and just want to work on myself and some projects. Then get back into smashing some strange.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Hmm, okay.

Just call her and tell her it's not going to work out then. You don't want to go, you don't want to give it a second chance from the sounds of it, go with your gut. You didn't feel 'it' on the first date, seems likely you won't feel 'it' on the second either.
Click to expand...

I'll go on the date and I'll be honest as always. I'm not going to get physical or start flirting. Did not happen last time, will not happen now. If she tries something, I'll just tell her how I (don't) feel. Thing is, we both just want to check the band(s) and have a good time. I'll see from there.

That said, thanks for your brutally honest opinion as always, Miles! Really appreciate it.
 
Solideliquid said:
I do not want to have children, she is on the fence. Though sometimes I think she is reluctant to fully commit to having kids because she knows my thoughts on the matter.
Click to expand...

I think both of you need to sit down and come to an agreement on this topic one way or the other. Otherwise, I think you're wasting each other's time because the relationship is not going to work in the long run.
 
Solideliquid said:
I do not want to have children, she is on the fence. Though sometimes I think she is reluctant to fully commit to having kids because she knows my thoughts on the matter.
Click to expand...

Being engaged before moving in together could be a cultural thing. But who's to say you'll like living together?

7 months isn't a long time, but some relationships move faster than others. Do you see yourself eventually marrying this girl? If yes, discuss it with her.
 
AHealy said:
I did the same copy+paste message on Match.com and spammed it out to every girl that popped up on my search/match that fit 3 or 4 things.

Height/Weight
Attractive
Kids

And my copy+paste spam message was basically something like..
"Hi, I noticed your profile and thought you were cute. I'm really new at this and hope I dont come off creepy or embarrass myself but Id really like to chat with you and learn more about you. Thanks for your time, hopefully you respond so we can see what happens.

Name
"

Short, simple, not specific..just "Hey your cute, wanna chat?"
99% of them always respond "omg, Im new at this too! Never thought Id be using online dating etc..."
Then just shoot the shit like you met someone and your chatting not trying to date or fuck them asap.

They fit that category then I sent it out. I spammed it, cast a wide net. I never read profiles or fit my message to them. If they responded to my intial message I would just "talk". I wouldnt fit my discussion around what I knew, I just acted were like strangers who met. Theyre profile could say "Im a teacher" and after a few back and forth messages I'd ask like "What do you do for a living" If they questioned about reading thier profile Id be honest and say I didnt like reading them and I based my initial message like I would if I saw them out and about, by attraction.
I mean, thats what it really comes down too? You could have a distaste for red heads but be 100% matched so why would you waste a contact if she didnt "do it for you?"

My own profile was barebones. All it basically said was "Looking for someone to hang out with and see if it can grow into something serious"

If I saw a girl I WANTED..I would tailor my profile real fast to her wants "Oh she likes social drinker? Guess I'm a social drinker now" "Oh she likes Cooking, what do you know so do I!"

Spend the few bucks to have Match bump you to the top of the search list at peak hours!
Women getting off of work, 4-6pm..women sitting at home alone on a Wed night 8-10pm, drunk back from the club 2am-4am etc..
I also paid to have myself made a match for 2 girls and then shifted my profile around to fit what they wanted.
"OMG its like we are meant to be! You like all the same things!"

Everything goes out the window when you meet.
Only real deciding factor is if you think each other are attractive in the end.
Milk the system to get them chatting is all I did.

I could be absolutely wrong, I went on a TON of dates (3-5 a month) and have some wacky sex stories in the span of a year (and blew waaaaay to much money)..plus the only two I decided to "date" were and are crazy...
Click to expand...

This is amazing.

Can we get some wacky sex stories please?
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Jesus SPMH...

Well works for you I guess. Seems like a pretty cynical way to approach dating.
Click to expand...

I'll keep this in mind next time I want to date a lunatic. Arbitrarily changing your profile to fit what you think their interests are is just poor form imo.

About the only thing I agree with is exploring a paid site if (and only if)you're looking for something more serious. I've always been of the mindset that a catch-all like an OKC, Tinder, etc is going to net catch-all like results. The odds of finding what I was looking for (30-something, no kids, doesn't want kids, divorced ok, professional) on a free site was absurdly low. I too went on a ton of bizarre dates. Decided after to give the paid site a chance and found my SO on literally the first match and first message I sent. Will everyone hit on the first match? Hell no but it's a numbers game. One shitty date would pay for a trial of something more focused (if more of a committed thing is your goal).

Bottom line-- you get out what you put in.
 
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