I'd back off, as you said you did in your last post. You've expressed your interest in her, now it's on her to decide what she's going to do. Definitely wouldn't wait on her, though. There are plenty of women out there without this type of baggage - and this seems like a drama-induced train wreck in the making.
I guess when it comes to uprooting one's life (for any reason), there is no simple solution. A person either has the courage and willpower to take the risk and see where it goes, or they don't. Depends on how much that person values the potential shift in their life. In this case, it seems her 8 years of comfort and security will overpower her strong emotions for you.
Yesterday, after four days of radio silence (and her still showing up at my gym, because I said that wouldn't be a problem) she sent me another text message. I was fully prepared to not wait for her, though breaking of all contact really fucking sucked. (profanity for extra emphasis)
Her text said the last couple of days she felt the most miserable she's been in recent years. When we cut contact I had told her she had to choose. She said that because of the way I made her feel there really wasn't much of a choice between me and her boyfriend. Though it was also a choice between me and her entire current, comfortable life (including her boyfriend). She wasn't sure what to do, but she didn't want to lose me.
So she contacted me, said she couldn't deal with not talking to me. I said we could still talk, but we have to keep it completely clean. And those boundaries are hard to keep. Really hard. Today I went cycling sixty kilometers, as preparation for a cycling holiday. To an island which was the inspiration for her favorite book, that she lent me. She asked if she could come. Sure, no problem. We kept talking throughout all six ours were together. We kept it clean.
But when she was standing five centimeters from me when we were locking our bikes I just wanted to hold her. The chemistry and tension are through the roof. When we parted ways all we did was hug each other goodbye shortly. I thought I was going to melt right then and there. On the way back I asked her what her dream house would be. She said she came across something when looking for places in our city. For when she would move out of her boyfriends apartment.
The decision she has to make is not an easy one. It's sort of dragging on, and I wish she'd have broken up yesterday...but I have no clue how fast something like this is supposed to go. How something like this is supposed to go. But it sounds like she is making her choice.
R-U-N! That's all I can say. Play it out if need be, but if it doesn't pan out the way you want it to, do not let it defeat you.
I was in a situation where I was the other guy that came in to the girl's life. One of those "beautiful mess" "complicated and messy" girls, I felt I could see who she was despite the drama in her life.
The person she was with was in a complicated situation of his own, dealing with ex partners so she was not comfortable in that relationship. I treated her with respect and she was able to be herself with me. In line with the "Disney" talk I posted above, we both had identical hopes and dreams in the future. While the dreams she had, would never happen with the person she was with.
I kept hoping the situation would solve itself, she'd end it with the other person and continue on the path with me.... but it never happened. She claimed everyone (family members, roommates, work friends etc) saw me as the better package deal (no baggage, while the other guy had tonnes of it and lots of drama, including ex baby mama-drama). I met her previous roommates that said so themselves!
I do concede that she was not used to being put on a pedestal - something I did because of how I felt about her. The thing was I didn't expect a lot from her, only to be herself. I would tell her regularly how I felt about her, which was important to me as I rarely had someone that "close" to me to be able to share those feelings with (relationships are few and far between lol). And doubly important as with her past history she had guys walk all over her, in her dating life.
There were other troubling signs as easy as she gravitated to me, once "bored" she'd easily gravitate towards someone else. I was foolish and stupid in believing things would work out and we'd have the happy ever after.
Sorry to hear that didn't work out. It sucks to care so much about someone and to see her be with someone else. Especially when you, and everyone else, can see that you two would be better of together. And did you put her on a pedestal, or were you just being objectively honest about the things you liked about her?
I won't go waiting around for this girl. If she does chose her current boyfriend, however unlikely it might seem now, I'll be a wreck for a while but meh...I've been disappointed a bajillion times before in my life. It'll suck, but I'll survive and move on.
And I'm not waiting on her now. She knows how I feel. She knows how she feels. I've told her she's pretty freaking awesome (she is: today I explained her how StarCraft2 works, and what I like about watching SC2 games on youtube, and she was sincerely interested). Perhaps I'm putting her on a pedestal, but I know what I like, and who deserves to be on my pedestal.
And she does. This girl is not a beautiful mess. Her life was pretty decent and she was pretty happy with it before she met me. She doesn't do drama. I created it . Which I'm really sorry for. But I've made it clear how much I like her. We keep communicating. So I'm not waiting on her to leave her boyfriend without knowing where she's at. About your last sentence: I'm sort of hoping the same thing (also a bit of a hopeless romantic) and though we're not there yet we seem to be on the right track for now. And I'm holding on to two sayings: I'd rather be an optimist who's a fool, than a pessimist who's right. And: it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. And today was such an awesome freaking day...perhaps already worth the trouble.
